Graduate / 'Master in Economics at your distinguished university' - application essay [2]

Ray, what you have here is a statement of purpose. This is not a personal statement. A personal statement is often confused with the SOP because of the confusion regarding its required information. A personal statement is actually much simpler to writer because it requires less complicated information. In a personal statement for a person interested in taking a masters degree in Economics, you should focus on more profession related information in connection with your personal interest.

Develop an essay that shows the foundation of your interest in Economics beyond the academic side. What are your personal reasons for this interest? How would you say that translates into you wishing to become a better economist? What, in your point of view, is the importance of an economist in today's global economy? Is this personal definition the reason why you feel that you have come up short in your profession? Would you say that you require additional theoretical and practical training in order to become a better economist?

Towards the end of the essay, you need to explain how your academic goals have influenced your choice of university. This means, you need to clearly explain the reasons why you feel that your academic goals will be best serviced by specific courses and training programs offered by the university. Explain why everything just "fits" in terms of your requirements as a masters degree student due to the parallelism between your academic needs and the university mission or objectives.

Research Papers / The Increase in Bullying leading to Suicide [2]

NIkki, before I respond directly to your questions, I would like to point out that in a research paper, the opening statement is used to provide the thesis for the discussion. This is done by introducing the basis or reasons for your interest in this research and why you feel that this research is important. The thesis statement is presented at the end of the paragraph. The thesis statement should indicate the focal point of the research. As per general academic research requirements, you cannot and should never indicate a citation in the opening paragraph because the discussion does not start until the second paragraph. So you will need to add an earlier paragraph that better illustrates your foundation for this research.

If you wish to lessen the focus on stats or facts, you have to simplify your thesis statement so that you will not need to present all of this information in the paper. Additionally, you can lessen the opinions and facts quoted within the research if you present a quote and then focus on a personal explanation, opinion, or example that better explains the quote in your own voice.

With regards to your citation problem, you can refer to MLA citation guidelines over at The Owl at Purdue University as a guide. Just type in the The Owl at Purdue University MLA Formatting and Style Guide in Google and you will get one of the most accurate MLA overall guides on the web.

You may use sources other than the web. Most professors recommend that. Just make sure that your source of information is no older than 5 years old (due to research results accuracy) and that these information comes from academically acceptable sources such as journals and reliable periodicals.

Undergraduate / business as a lucrative idea Umich essay- Unique qualities [4]

Kene, I was granted special permission to come back and give you advice for the correct prompt as you delivered it in your response. The essay that you wrote doesn't really give me the impression that you have considered what makes UMich unique in line with your academic needs and professional goals. Sure you are a potential business major. Yes, you have experience with a failed business. You have ideas that make you clear about what kind of business person you will be in the future. These are all about you, not about UMich and the prompt requirements. Therefore, you will need to write a new essay. One that is more attuned to the possible required information that the reviewer will be interested in knowing about.

The Ross School of Business motto is "Developing leaders who make a positive difference in the world". This motto is unique to UMich so I suggest that you develop your essay around this motto. Look at their website and try to understand the unique qualities of the school of business and the graduates of the school. Consider an in-depth review of the school of business in the About section of the university website. Reading the information there should help you explain the unique qualities of the university that attracted you in the first place.

Since our admin was kind enough to allow you a second free advice, we hope that you will pay us back by participating in the forum and giving your own advice and analysis to the other users here. The forum functions in a "pay it forward" capacity" so that everyone gets the help that they need. Thanks.

Undergraduate / My Alcoholic Father - College admissions Essay [2]

Meng, as I read your essay, I was really engrossed in the story you were telling. Then, as I reached the end of it, I found myself asking a question. Why do you think that having an alcoholic father is something that has gone unnoticed in your life? Are you absolutely sure that it is unnoticed? Or perhaps the people in your circle are only polite enough not to mention it because the alcoholism of your father does not seem to have a direct effect on you anyway? You have to explain that point in the essay otherwise, it doesn't really ring true as unique information on your part.

The overall essay and discussion is informative, enlightening, and engaging, there is just that one big loophole in the essay that you need to explain away. It might require you to revise some parts of the essay because of the maximum word count though. You need to do it if you want to make sure that this essay will be presented in the strongest, most engaging, and informative manner. I suggest taking out the current opening statement and just opening strong with the presentation of your father's alcoholism. That way you gain a full paragraph allotment for the explanation as to why people tend to notice the fact that your father is an alcoholic. This creates a more complete presentation of the topic you have chosen to discuss in this essay.

This is an essay that has the ability to hook the reader in. Just make sure that you start and end on a strong note. Right now, you end of a strong note but the beginning can use some impact. That is why I am suggesting the change in opening paragraph remarks.

Undergraduate / Information form (AIF) - University of Waterloo - Reasons/interest/goals [2]

Jelany, when the statement is this limited in character count, the reviewer expects you to deliver the direct responses in just a few sentences. It will be beneficial to your essay if you remove all of the filler sentences that don't bring the attention of the reviewer directly to the point. I strongly advise you to remove the first 2 sentences. Then you should edit the rest of the essay to connect in the following manner:

I have applied to Waterloo's environmental program because of its focus on nature as well as social sciences ...The University of Waterloo is where I can reach my goal because of its... related to my studies.

The shorter and more direct your response, the more appreciative the reviewer will be of your response and the better your chances of having him remember your response long after he has read it. All of the information I had removed from the response can be placed in other common app prompts where applicable.

Scholarship / Describe SDG#10: Reduced Inequalities against the context of your home country. (Swedish Institute) [4]

Ege, what is the actual prompt you are responding to? I am not sure about how to assess your writing because I do not know what the university wishes you to portray in your response statement. From an uninformed point of view, it would appear that this is a very strong and informative essay. It shows degrees of inequality in your country and how it affects a particular sector of your society. However, I am not certain as to the applicability of this statement in relation to the actual prompt. I wish you had provided the prompt when you posted your response. The title doesn't really inform me about what the requirements for your response are. Overall though, this seems to be a well developed response to a particular prompt. If it is responding accurately to the prompt from the Swedish Institute, that I cannot be sure of. Please remember that you have to post the complete original prompt along with your response the next time you post an essay in order to gain a more insightful review of your response.

Writing Feedback / Qualities that are important to be a good supervisor. Use examples and details to answer why? [2]

KGayatri, please make sure that you outline the paper in the proper manner. At first I thought that you had made a sentence structure and punctuation error when I saw the "i." plus information at the end of it. It wasn't until I read the succeeding markers that I realized this was an outline presentation done in the wrong manner. Always use bullet points in the presentation in order to avoid confusing your reader.

Avoid using slash marks in your discussions. For example, in the second paragraph, rather than saying " his/her" for employees, you could have gone non-gender specific instead by saying "their". In today's PC age, the non gender conformist references are more acceptable than the more specific gender references. The specific gender references should only be used when you are absolutely sure of the gender of the person you are referring to. Another example, don't say "idea / plan", you can't use both terms to discuss the topic. Since you are talking about leadership in a profession related form, it is best to use the term "plan" as that is what is often developed in a work setting.

Keep your tense usage in present tense because you are discussing an ongoing development or point of view in this essay. Additionally, you should not suddenly use the second person "we" reference in the conclusion when you have used the third person reference throughout the essay. Don't suddenly include yourself in the discussion when you did not make that reference from the start. Keep your person references consistent.

Even though your essay has problems, your presentation is acceptable. It is logical, presents a proper discussion to a great extent, and is informative to read. So you did a good job in those aspects of the essay development. The problems you have, can easily be corrected in your next essay if you just keep the mistakes and the corrections in mind.

Undergraduate / business as a lucrative idea Umich essay- Unique qualities [4]

Kene, I don't see any relation between your essay and the topic of unique qualities. What you wrote is a personal statement that shows the development of your interest in business and why you chose to study at UMich, if admitted. There as nothing extraordinary about this presentation. There is nothing notable about your interest in business, your skills, or your interests. I am thinking that you either wrote the wrong prompt title (unique qualities) and you have to clarify what the prompt is or, you misunderstood the information required when you said you have to write about your unique qualities.

Unique qualities normally refer to something special about you in line with your interest in business. For example, maybe you sold your first app on Google Playstore at the age of 12. That would be something unique and show an early interest in business, in a progressive manner. Or maybe, you have taken some business courses and excelled in those classes? I am really unsure about what unique qualities you should be mentioning specifically because you did not provide the original prompt with your essay. I can only give you standard advice regarding expected elements of the essay without it. Please don't forget to post the prompt for your future essays should you decide to seek advice from us.

Graduate / Personal Statement for The OSCE Academy Application 2018 Programme: Politics and Security [3]

Euterpe, you have not explained why you want to study at OSCE Academy and you have not explained how this will help you achieve your life goals either. This is not an essay that you can even revise so that you can use it in the future. You need to write a totally new essay that is more aligned with the prompt requirements regarding your academic and professional reasons for your choice of masters program.

For the academic aspect, consider what you have learned so far based upon your college and work experiences, How does your academic and professional experience align itself with the OSCE masters course goals and objectives. Where do you feel your college education lacks in relation to your performance of your career duties? What profession are you currently engaged in? Does the OSCE offer any training programs during the academic year that will allow you to improve your work skills? Perhaps there are internship programs or research opportunities with mentors that can help you further your non-classroom based education?

What are you life goals? Consider your plans for your future after you graduate from this masters course. What do you plan to do with your career at that point? What kind of change or impressions would you like to make that could help to improve your field of work or international considerations when it comes to administering justice based on a political agenda or bias? These are some considerations that you should respond to when you revise this personal statement.

I have offered you some additional guide questions that can help you develop a more appropriately directed response. I hope that you can use the questions wisely so that you can come up with a much stronger essay that will impress the reviewer.

Writing Feedback / People have contrasting views about volunteering activity for pupils [3]

Fitri, your essay is not properly representing the original prompt discussion topic. This has forced an error on your part which will affect the ability of your essay to receive a passing score due to a significant prompt deviation. That means, you totally misunderstood the topic for discussion.

Original Discussion Topic: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school program
Your Discussion Topic: It is frequently believed that people have contrasting views about volunteering activity for pupils which becomes one of compulsory activities in their school.

If you review the original discussion topic, you will see that you went off tangent and began discussing something that is not part of the original prompt. This signifies a prompt deviation and thus, altered the whole discussion for the essay to a certain extent. The original topic says "some people believe". You are saying "people have contrasting views." Since only one point of view was represented in the original prompt, your discussion has become totally wrong in relation to the original topic given for discussion. This discussion is simple, either you agree or disagree with high school students should be part of an unpaid community service program of their school. You are offering an opinion of contrasting views that is not represented in the original. Your essay will immediately fail in the TA section because of this deviation.

You keep using the term "pupil' in the essay which refers to a child in school. An adolescent attending high school is referred to as a "student". Using the wrong term throughout your essay signifies further evidence of your lack of English vocabulary skills and understanding. A "pupil" is in elementary while a "student" is in high school or college. The first is used to signify early education, the latter, advanced education.

There is also a failure on your part to properly format the essay in every paragraph. Your body of paragraphs are composed of more than the maximum 5 sentences per paragraph. You only have 3 body paragraphs with which to discuss the most salient points of your defense. In this presentation, you are not appropriately developing your discussions because you are trying to discuss too many in each paragraph. The standard is one reason per paragraph. I believe I already told you about this before when I previously corrected you.

Your concluding statement is not appropriately formatted either. You need 3 sentences, minimum to summarize your presentation. You used only 2 sentences. That means, you have not properly developed the conclusion based on the C&C requirements.

Graduate / Reason for pursuing career in Occupational Therapy and why this school. Short Personal Statement [3]

Summings, you cannot start your reasons for wanting to become an Occupational Therapist from the moment you shadowed the professional OT. This part of the prompt requires you to present the build of your interest and desire to become an OT. Some of the questions you can respond to in order to give the required information are:

1. When did you first learn about OT?
2. Why was your interest in OT increased?
3. What made you decide that becoming an OT was the right career path for yourself?

After responding to these questions, you can explain why you chose this university by explaining:
1. What factors you considered when choosing an OT university;
2. What similar academic objectives you share with this university;
3. How you hope to utilize the facilities of the university in order to pursue the completion of your academic and professional goals.

These are the only information you need to present. The overall essay does not require the presentation of your shadowing information at this point. That will come in as a part of your statement of purpose discussion or motivational letter (as required). Save that information for a more appropriate prompt response presentation.

Writing Feedback / Should children be immunised against diseases? Could both parents decide about it? [3]

Valentina, are you responding to an IELTS or TOEFL practice essay question? You need to indicate the type of test you are taking, as well as the question you are responding to in order to get an accurate review of your response essay. I do not feel like your opening statement is complete. It is only 2 sentences long when the average length of an opening statement is no less than 3 sentences, no more than 5. Since I not informed about what test you are taking, I cannot be more specific in my advice about that part of the paragraphs than what I just told you.

All of your presented paragraphs do not discuss your given reasons. It merely lists them. So the discussion you present will be considered not fully developed and uninformative. This will lower the score for your essay as you do not show any ability to present English reasoning skills to the reader / examiner. You should focus on only one topic per paragraph, then fully explain your support for this reason, over 3 paragraphs. That is, one reason per paragraph.

It appears that you only completed 4 of the required 5 paragraphs for an English test. That is why your personal opinion, placed in the 4th paragraph is faulty. You indicated a personal opinion as a closing statement, which is not acceptable in any form of English testing. The personal opinion must always be presented as an individual paragraph, separate from the closing statement. The closing statement, is most effective when it used to simply summarize the previous discussion and nothing more.

Writing Feedback / Essay: Describe what you usually do in your leisure time. [5]

This essay is not good enough. It has grammar structure problems. You are confused about when you should use the term "come" and "coming". In this instance, the term you should have used was "going". What is the difference? It all lies in the word meaning:

come - to move or journey to a vicinity with a specified purpose
coming - an act or instance of arriving
going - advance toward an objective

Here is an example of word usage for the three words:

Come - I have the money. Come here to get it.
Coming - I am coming. Just wait for me at the house.
Going I am going to to the coffee shop to have some coffee and read a book. I like going there alone.

Is book coffee the name of a particular place you like to go to? If it is, then you should capitalize the name as it is a proper noun and falls under the proper noun usage guidelines.

You also have instances in this statement where you use a connecting word when it is not required. Such as when you said " Adding subtitles is a quite a hard job." I should have been; "Adding subtitles is a hard job." in order to make a clear statement of fact.

There are other problems in grammar usage with this essay that I simply cannot correct in one post. One piece of advice though, try using a grammar checker such as Word 2016 or online grammar checkers in order to spot the spot the mistakes you made and how to correct them.

Letters / Statement of purpose for pursuing the master of data science/business analytics in the Netherlands [2]

Mostafa, you had a good start with your opening paragraph. Then you floundered when you presented the subjects that you studied in college. It is not enough to mention the classes that you took because the reviewer will be familiar with that. What will impress him about your college academic grades though, would be if you can state instances of academic recognition during your course of study. What subjects did you excel in? What was your average GPA in these classes? This isn't the time to be modest. One of the best ways you can stand out as an applicant is by calling attention to your academic accomplishments. Don't rattle off all the courses that you completed unless you can say something exemplary about your accomplishment in each one. If you are just an average student in all these subjects then do not call too much attention to your academics. Make up for it with your professional experience instead.

You did mention what your current profession is then, the sound of crickets. Nothing. No follow up. No explanation as to how your profession relates to your chosen masters degree. The two must have some sort of connection for you to present to the reviewer otherwise he will wonder about the professional application of your studies upon its completion. Either you highlight the explanation of your business intelligence consultancy in relation to the masters degree or, you keep it vague with the reference to having worked in IT for 9 years. Frankly, I don't see the connection of the Jung experiment with IT so I would use that experiment to highlight my business intelligence consultancy instead.

By the way, you should shorten the explanation of the experiment that you participated in. It does not help to move your application forward with vital information about your academic and professional interests. So your purpose for studying this course is to build the Carl Jung exam types in an application format. How does this relate to your future career plans? What kind of research and/or experiment do you plan to carry out in order to help you develop this application?

More importantly, what facilities or which faculty members of your chosen university will help you to further your interest, studies, and research in this field? Explain how Data Science and Business Analytics fits in with the Carl Jung types? What would your professional purpose for the implementation of the app be? Be more specific about how the university offerings fit in with your future plans. Develop a doable 5 year career plan that will showcase how you will purposely use the knowledge you will be gaining during this time.

Needless to say, your current essay is short on a number of vital and expected elements of a statement of purpose. I hope that my review can help you get this essay on the right track. Good luck!

Scholarship / An activity, complicated issue - two short personal statements answers [2]

Maryam, the first prompt is asking you to expand only on one activity that is of importance to you which showcases a personal interest on your part. Since you developed most of the discussion around your interest in "violin playing" not just the "violin", I suggest you develop a few more sentences about that instead. Totally removing the reference to programming since that is not fully developed in this discussion. Drop the discussion about the Harvard video you watched as well because that does not introduce your character or interest to the reviewer. The reviewer wants to know how your activities reflect the person you are. Where your non-academic passion lies and why you are interested in that hobby or activity. Your response is appropriate only up to the point where you introduce your interest in the violin and the playing of the instrument. How does this reflect the person you are? Why are you passionate about this? Revise the essay because you did exactly what the prompt told you not to do which is list everything that you have ever done.

The topic that you chose for the second prompt is good, but it sounds researched. It does not sound like something that you have a personal understanding and passion for which is why you think people have a lack of understanding towards it. By the way, extremism should not be confused with bullying. Those are 2 different negative actions that have wide repercussions and occur on an international basis everyday. You may want to concentrate on bullying instead of extremism because most of your description applies to bullying in this instance.

Undergraduate / State why you wish to leave your present college and attend Virginia Tech [2]

vincent, you are not presenting compelling reasons for your transfer to Virginia Tech. It sounds more like you are more focused on the extra curricular activities than the academics. the academic reason is the important reason that the reviewer wants to learn about in your response. Are you enrolling in the same major at Virginia Tech? If yes, then explain the curriculum differences that make you feel that you are not being academically challenged at your previous university. Tell the reviewer what courses you feel are more relevant to your academic objectives that can only be found at Virginia Tech. Your focus on the student enjoyment at Virginia Tech seems to be the more compelling reason for your reason to transfer and that, is the weakest reason you can give a reviewer. It will not convince him that you will be a good addition to their student roster and community.

Graduate / SOP for MA in Computational Social Science, University of Chicago [2]

Yun, you do not present a solid purpose for your line of study aside from an excitement and eagerness to continue learning. That is not the information that should be contained in the statement of purpose. The statement of purpose is written under the assumption that there is a specific trend in the business that you wish to learn about or, you have specific work related handicap in terms of performing your duty that requires you to undertake advanced studies in this field. I do not get any information regarding either of those possibilities at the moment. Your essay is severely focused on academic accomplishments, undertakings, and possibilities that the most important aspect of the purpose is not fulfilled in your responses. Let's just say that the statement of purpose is composed of the following W's:

What - What is the reason that you feel the need to study this course? (Purpose)
Why - Why do you believe that your career will benefit from achieving this masters degree? (Professional experiences)
Where - Why do you think that this university choice is the best for you based upon your professional requirements and beyond the generic references in your essay to courses and classes. (Academic accomplishments in relation to your chosen masters course

Focus only on your Journalism major in college for this essay. The Science references are irrelevant. Convince the reviewer that you have 2 years worth of remarkable journalistic experience that ties in directly with a minor or foundational exposure to Computational Social Science. Based on the 3 guide questions I have provided you, the next version of the essay that you will write should have a more pronounced focus on the purpose of your studies, the reason you wish to study this course, how it relates to your future career opportunities (a 5 year plan), the reason that this university choice suits your academic and professional objectives, and what specific research paper in relation to your interests in China and Chinese journalism and/or research you will be completing during this time which will help you enhance your professional field upon your return to China.

Undergraduate / In your personal statement include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why [3]

Agail, you need to separate and strengthen your first 3 discussions. Each subject (family, friends, community) should be discussed in separate paragraphs because you need to expand upon your discussion with appropriate examples that exemplify the trait that is admired in you by each representative section. So for the family, describe an instance when a sibling needed your positive influence and what the outcome was. The same goes for your friend(s). As for the community, in what way are you admired for your hard work? It would help if you can mention if your hard work resulted in your being named employee of the month or something in order to show that your abilities were recognized by management.

You need to pick one of your numerous proud moments and fully develop that presentation. It does not help to indicate numerous achievements when you are not able to explain fully why these are instances that you are very proud of. Since you are expected to present this in only one paragraph, pick the most impressive moment, as far as you are concerned, then fully represent the reasons why you are proud of this accomplishment. You are not being asked to present numerous achievements, just one that is most memorable and notable to you. That is all the reviewer wants to know about.

Remember, you have 250 words. That is one full double spaced page. That means you can present up to 5 paragraphs with which to write an enlightening and informative essay. This is the reviewers chance to get to know you from a different perspective, I suggest you make sure that you represent accurately in all facets with fully developed presentations in every paragraph.

Undergraduate / UBC Personal Statement - What I have learnt about myself as a leader and a team member ............ [2]

Jaanvi, before you can polish the grammar of this essay, you first need to make sure that your content is appropriate and responsive to the prompt requirements. Since you are discussing Debate as a self-realization activity, you need to specify if you were the Debate team captain or a simple team member. You can launch the essay by saying :

I learned a number of things about myself as the debate team captain / as a member of the debate team.

Then make sure that you present all of the ideas in past tense such as "I always tried to contribute..." or "I learned to become a versatile..."

The smooth presentation will come from the use of the appropriate tense usage. Your grammar will fall into the correct presentation once the tense usage is corrected. By the way, the term is "win or lose" not "lose or win".

You should remove the introduction of your participation in the school orchestra because you were not able to build it up in a manner as strong as the reference to the debate team. Keeping that reference weakens the impact of what you have written and also closes the essay with an underdeveloped closing presentation.

Scholarship / NSTIR-2030 Innovation plan for Nigeria. Commonwealth Scholarship Application [3]

Oluwasegun, sorry about the delay. I stepped away from the computer for a bit. Anyway, I believe that this is a very strong essay that only needs to be tweaked in terms of content because everything else falls into place and has helped to create a very comprehensive essay that is definitely responsive to the prompt requirements. You should shorten the reference to the NSTIR - 2-3- program because it is too long and detailed. It takes up more than half the essay which causes a problem because the interest of the reviewer is more on the discussion of how your studies abroad will help bring benefits to your home country. Summarize the NSTIR 2030 discussion but end it with a focus on what you plan to contribute to the system. If you skip the 3rd paragraph, you will be able to summarize the presentation and go directly to the contribution you plan to make upon your return.

You have some very good references to your future plans. Do you have a time frame for the realization of these contributions? I believe that if you can deliver an estimated time for the completion of these projects upon your return, you will be able to show a more solid work plan for your proposals. From the looks of it, this is at least a 5 year plan. So you will have to highlight which project you consider a priority and why this will be the most beneficial of your projects. Remember your word limit, if one was indicated though. If you find yourself short on allowable words, you can just present your priority project instead of all your planned projects. The more impressive your first project, the less you will need to present additional supporting projects.

Undergraduate / My ability to quietly influence others. UBC Personal Profile Question [3]

Kevin, you are not responding to the prompt requirements at all. You are delivering a short family history instead of a perspective on who you are as a person, based on information coming from other sources. The sources in this instance being your family, friends, and community members (either academic or at a volunteer organization). The first half of this essay is based on a third person point of view with only the last part, about your achievement coming from a first person point of view. However, the achievement will be better presented if it is in accordance with the point of view about you by one or all of the parties involved in the analysis of your personality and character. None of these elements are represented in your essay so you will need to develop a new one that directly represents each of the people indicated in the prompt.

Grammar, Usage / My obligation to work hard [5]

Leo, I can't be sure if this is grammatically correct because I do not know what context the reference is being used in. I need to read the whole paragraph, plus the prompt that you are responding to in order to have a better assessment of the grammatical appropriateness of your sentence. Since this is a run-on, I need to know if you can divide it into 2 sentences so that it will make more sense to the reader. I am not sure what "realistic set of challenges" you are facing. Your sentence begins to lose focus and sense towards the end because of the overly long sentence that is presenting 2 irreconcilable ideas in its presentation. In all honesty, you need to divide this into 2 sentences in order to make it grammatically and structurally correct as a sentence. This presentation is confusing and should be edited in a manner appropriate for the prompt you are responding to.

Undergraduate / UBC personal profile - I surprise people - answer for the 'Tell us about who you are question' [3]

arjun, let me point out one major grammatical flaw in the essay, you are not "phased" because that indicates a section of an action. You are not "fazed" because you do not feel threatened by any challenge. Same word sound, different spelling, different meanings. Make sure you use the right word with the right meaning in your sentence because college applicants who cannot prove that they can accurately use the English language could find their applications in question as well.

As for your presentation. It is too dramatic. These straightforward essays require you to expand upon each criteria within a paragraph each. That is why you have 250 words. The reviewer wants to get to know you beyond what you think about yourself. He wants to understand how other people view you and if their perception of you will make you a good addition to their student roster. This is the chance for the voice of others, who can recommend you as a student, to be heard. Utilize that opportunity to its fullest capacity. You don't need to be flowery with your words, you need to be straightforward and informative instead. It is all about delivering various facets of your persona. That is why the "I" that is so evident in your essay should instead by "he". This is not a first person essay until you get to the part about the achievement you are most proud of. For the first 3 impressions, use the detached third person point of view.

Scholarship / Scholarship Personal Statement for Erasmus Mundus Master Programme in International Security [2]

Clara, your main motivation for the masters degree should not be academic in nature, it has to be profession related. While it is admirable that you were able to find an academic motivation for your studies. the purpose of a masters degree is to help enhance your professional abilities. So what is it about your current profession and abilities that pushed to to study this course? I do not gain a sense of profession related interests in your statement other than unimpressive work with Nissan and Willis Towers. It is unimpressive because you did not make an impression or achieve something extraordinary during your time with these companies. The Erasmus Mundus will only sponsor high qualified applicants who have began to make a mark in their field of word beyond the ordinary rank and file performance and abilities.

You mentioned your bachelor thesis in this essay. That can be part of the motivating factors for you to cite. Inform the reviewer about the potential masters thesis that you plan to pursue in relation to your previous research. Then explain its real time applications and areas for implementation if you are given a chance to do this on an international scale.

Focus less on your academic presentations. This is a masters degree that has a minimum 2 year work requirement. What have you done over the past 2 years in your field of work, which, by the way, you have not clarified in the essay. Even if your academics are strong and sound, if you cannot prove an actual work related application for your college studies, then your masters degree application weakens in presentation.

Volunteer activities are sometimes acceptable as replacements for your work activities but only if you have done something remarkable or implemented something of note during your time as a member of the organization. From what I have read in your application, you have not done anything of note anywhere in your internships or volunteer activities. That is why I am hoping that you will have some actual work experience in the field of international security that will highlight your abilities as a future international security expert. Your time with Nissan Latin America could perhaps be expanded to a point where your application of your current knowledge will prove that you are a viable candidate for the scholarship. At this point, the application essay is not remarkable nor memorable due to the lack of professional accomplishments.

With regards to your future career development, the essay is not asking you what you hope to learn but rather, how you hope to apply what you have learned during the course in your line of work. An appropriate response would be something along the lines of working for the UN Security Council or something similar in a manner that will allow you to apply what you have learned within your chosen field of expertise.

By the way, the term is not "During graduation". The more appropriate term is "During my undergraduate studies..." Graduation is the right by which you are awarded your completion certificate after your studies on an undergraduate level. A graduate level person is someone who has completed masters degree studies. A mistake in terms could result in a misunderstanding of your essay and result in questions regarding your actual qualifications. You also spelled "abilities" as "habilities". These create a negative impression of you as a potential graduate student as you are not using the English terms properly nor spelling it properly.

Develop your "extensive risk management experience" to a greater extent at these corporations. These might be the professional experience of note that is missing at the moment in your essay. Remember, you need to make sure that you mention stand out moments for yourself in the form of work related accomplishments that were noted by your immediate supervisor or higher management. You cannot mention an extensive experience and then simplify the description with rank and file duties as you have explained at the moment.

Undergraduate / I'm a persistent and hardworking individual. UBC Undergraduate Applications / Personal Profile [2]

Kaili, you can use a collective statement to respond to this essay because each member of the specific community mentioned will have a different idea as to who you are based upon your function and performance in that section of your world. So your family point of view will have to come from your performance as a member of the family. What is it about you that your parents are most proud of and why? That is how they would describe you. As for your friend, use your best friend in this instance. How would this friend describe you are a part of a personal support system? Are you the kind of friend who would drop everything to come to her aid regardless of the time, day, or distance? Are you a "person" to this person? With regards to the community, this requires you to have actually done some interacting with your community on a volunteer service level. Have you done any work as senior homes or perhaps worked on community based projects? Ask the leader of your community group what he would say is or are your strong points then discuss. As for what you are most proud of. Open with the fact that you are a member of the national team first and then discuss why you are proud of the achievement so that the reason why you are proud of this accomplishment is what the reviewer will remember. The reasons are more important than the actual activity itself.

Writing Feedback / Consumer items have become most important part of people's life. [2]

JASEEM, what is the prompt that you are responding to with this prompt? I am unable to accurately review your essay because you did not provide the original prompt with your post. That prompt will be the basis of my review of your work. Kindly remember to post the prompt with your next essay. For this essay, I will just give you a general review of the obvious problems in the essay.

The first problem of this essay is that it seems to not provide an accurate prompt restatement. I am not very clear about what the discussion topic is, the reason that I have to care about this discussion, and what the discussion method is going to be. It is not an effective prompt paraphrase. It can be more informative for the reader. It's too bad that I don't have access to the actual prompt so I can help you redirect the content. Oh well... maybe next time.

Your third paragraph is over the maximum sentence requirement by one sentence. Your fourth paragraph is under the required sentence count of 5 sentences. You must always balance the discussion by presenting a uniform number of sentences per paragraph in order to gain the utmost scoring consideration for your essay. Your concluding paragraph is a continuation of the discussion which means it is not a conclusion but rather, a new discussion. A proper concluding paragraph must simply summarize the preceding discussion in order to be effective.

The work you provided in this essay shows that you only need to be properly guided in the formatting and content of your essay. You have the potential to pass this test but you need to know how to properly respond to the essay prompts through the proper formatting of the paragraphs. I'll reserve the more detailed information for when you post another essay for review. This time, hopefully, you will provide the full original prompt to aid in the review of your work.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Master program at Nürnberg University, Germany; 'garnering a wealth of ideas' [2]

Sameh, if the motivational letter does not come with a maximum word count, you should consider expanding your discussions in the motivation section and the university program choice sections. These are pivotal parts of the motivation letter that you need to reiterate through a detailed explanation to the reviewer. Take a paragraph each for every motivation that you have. Thresh out the details of your motivation so that your passion for your profession and desire to improve through this learning process becomes highly evident and impressive in presentation. As for the university choice, your current statement is too generalized. The reviewer needs to know how you plan to spend your time as a student. So declaring your possible research thesis in accordance with the abilities of the university to provide you with the required experience in terms of mentor programs under their professors, becoming a student aide to a professor in order to gain additional knowledge, or even the training / internship / exchange programs of the university during the semester will help to increase information about you as a potential student. While the essay you wrote is almost automated in the sense that it delivers the required elements, it doesn't deliver on informing the reviewer about you in an interesting and relevant manner. Hopefully, your revised essay, based on my suggestions, can help you achieve that.

Undergraduate / UBC Personal profile "Tell us about who you are" & "What is important you? and why? [3]

Your response to the essay is off the mark. This is not about what you are passionate about but rather, how other people see you. How do they define you as a person? Why do they consider you a child, friend, or community member of note or good standing? You will need to go out and interview your parents about how they see you as a child. What are your strengths and weaknesses as a child of the family? Why do they support you in all your dreams and ambitions? As for your friends, you have to consider interviewing your best friend about why you likes you as a person and what kind of friend you are / what friendship the two of you have. Don't forget to include some information from a place where you spend some time doing volunteer services. That will definitely help your application. We have a one essay per thread policy at this forum so I am sad to tell you that I cannot help you with the other essay question. You have to post that as a separate thread. Don't just post the question and tell us you are at a loss about what to write. Write something so we can help you direct the essay in the correct manner. We need to know how you plan to respond to the essay so that we can tell you if you will be doing it right or wrong.

Undergraduate / Explains why you chose your program of study-What interests you the most about this major?-UIC essay [3]

Jaanvi, one of the major reasons that an applicant loses his slot as a potential student candidate is when he repeats information found in other areas of the essay requirements in another prompt response. The essay that you used for this motivational consideration discussion is exactly the same as the essay that you wrote for your personal statement. In addition to that, you are not really responding to the question. Rather, you are lecturing the reviewer again, about the functions and importance of a business manager, which has nothing to do at all with your motivation to study this course. These mistakes have led you to create an inappropriate and repetitive response to the prompt. If this essay is run through a plagiarism checker online, the essay to the British university that you will be submitting will most likely turn up. That will result in an automatic rejection of your application. Every essay that you submit to a university needs to be fresh in presentation if not in content. You can't just slap together various paragraphs from essay submitted to other universities then hope it works for this prompt. If you don't understand what the prompt is asking for and you do what you did in this essay , then you have already failed in the application process. Write a new essay. One that is clear about your motivation for applying for this program of study, that does not fall back on your previously written essay. That is the only way to can assure yourself of consideration for this university application.

Writing Feedback / No hiring so no need to pay for maternity leave later on? Opinion essay. [3]

SG, I don't advice writing more than 250 words in the essay because of the time constraint and the amount of work that you have to do as a test taker prior to submitting this for a score. You have to accomplish the following in no more than 40 minutes:

1. Outline the discussion you will be presenting
2. Draft the essay
3. Review the essay for content relevance
4. Revise the essay for content
5. Edit any grammatical and spelling errors

Those are the reasons why I believe that you should write more than 250 words during the test. That is already the equivalent of a full page and will accurately portray all the required skills that the test taker needs to show in the test.

As you know, you should not be presenting any information that is not in the original prompt in your paraphrase. Yet you made that mistake in your current essay. The 10 weeks information is not in the original prompt and should therefore, be in the body of paragraphs as one of the reasons for the discussion. You know that you cannot develop the information that will support that statement in the opening paragraph so don't do it.

You cannot use actors for an example in this essay because they are seasonal workers who can easily take as much time off as they need in order to accommodate pregnancy and raising a family. The examples in this essay need to be more striking such as doctors, lawyers, and teachers, women whose professions do not allow time to deal with a pregnancy or raising a family because their work is time sensitive.

Your concluding paragraph lost track of the original discussion. You presented the discussion points without reminding the reader of the topic for discussion. This going off track is what happens when you write more than 250 words. You become more focused on just talking about topics you think will help the essay instead of talking with a clear purpose for establishment in the essay. It is because of these mistakes that I feel you cannot score more than a 5.

Undergraduate / UK Personal Statement - Business Management; a degree from Britain will assist me in future career [2]

Jaanvi, please review your essay for accuracy. If your father worked at the age of 16 in order to support his family, then you cannot say that he worked without being paid at that time. It does not make sense to say he is supporting his family but not getting paid to work. Instead of saying "As a child", which reviewers are not very receptive to, you should instead state "My father's life was my inspiration for..." Never mention an age in the personal statement so that inaccuracies in references can be avoided. That means "at an early age" should also be avoided. Rephrase all sections that make a reference to an early age or anything similar.

Do not define what a business manager's task is. That is something that sounds condescending to the reviewer and should avoided at all times. Do not make boastful declarations about your preparations for the course. That is, unless you performed as an exemplary student in those classes and you finished the courses with honors or recognitions. If you were just an ordinary student, then do not make assumptions. Only your academic accomplishments as an honor student is important in this instance and should be highlighted to the reviewer in your personal statement.

The same goes for your employment, you must highlight opportunities you took to lead the company in relation to your desire to become a business manager. By the way, you are an employee, not an employer. An employer is the person who employed you. You are the employee because you work for the employer. Your job description indicates that you are a rank and file employee. That means, you are not in a leadership position and yet you make claims in relation to business management. I strongly advise that you change the reference to your job description at the moment. It has to indicate that you have a leadership position at the convenience store because without it, making claims about learning about organizational and management concepts and skills becomes an exaggeration that the reviewer will not appreciate.

Focus the personal statement only on the development of your business management skills. At this point, your extra curricular activities are irrelevant. You will have an opportunity to discuss those with the other available prompts for your application. In this essay, after you develop your interest in management, discuss why you chose a specific university in Britain and not just the reason you chose the country. You are submitting this to a university so you need to explain the criteria by which you chose the university. Think in terms of your personal academic goals and objectives and how the university can help you achieve those ideas.

Undergraduate / Sharing a religious, cutural or family tradition - Colgate Prompt Short 250 word Essay [3]

Diwakar, you have 250 words allotted for this essay because you are not only supposed to narrate what the festival is about, you are also supposed to discuss your personal participation in the event. What do you enjoy about it ? Why is this event a learning experience for you? Why do you believe that this is the sort of festival that can help spread diversity and unity among the students of Colgate? You don't need a short response in this instance, you need an expanded response that fully describes the event and its relationship to your local culture, development of friendships, and how it promotes camaraderie among the participants. The aim of this essay is for the reviewer to better understand the world that you come from and how it has shaped you to become a decent, responsible, and open minded individual. Use the full 250 words for this presentation by describing how it brings you closer to your family and community and how it brings the community together as a whole. Your narration is very cut and dried and doesn't really present an involved participation on your part. Make it more inclusive. Use the event to describe who you are or how it helped you become the person you are today.

Writing Feedback / Teacher is a person who believes in you, tugs, pushes and leads you to the next plateau [3]

Khushboo, I believe that this essay can score a 3. Again, it will score highly because it is based on a personal narrative. You do not have a problem with the personal narrative. You have a problem with the analytical essay. That is what you should be focused on. Always prepare for the unexpected and focus on your weakness instead of your strengths in your preparations. While you should prepare adequately for the part of the test that you excel in, you should work extra hard on the sections where you are sure to fail, such as the analysis of an event essay. The grammar errors that you have in this essay are minimal, which is is why you still scored near the upper level of the passing score. Some mistakes that you made in this essay are:


- This is an unclear declaration. It is impossible for you to have arrived soon after getting married after completing your bachelors. The proper clear representation is "... dependent visa after completing my bachelors."


- that I needed to...

The word "But" is a connecting word and is never used to start a sentence. That is a standard English writing rule.


- you are not revising, you are reviewing

These but a few examples of the grammar mistakes that you made in this essay that do not impede understanding of your statement but still shows a severe ESL problem when it comes to your written and spoken English grammar presentations that can affect your teaching style within an ENL setting in an American school.

Writing Feedback / My own ways to improve the life in my hometown [5]

KGayatri, the prompt of this essay works on the principle of "pick battles small enough to win but big enough to matter". That means, you should pick a problem in your community that can be dealt with either on a personal or community level basis. That way you can make suggestions, recommendations, based on specific reasons, and supporting examples based upon your personal experience or community based action. The topic that you chose, is not uncommon to your city alone. In order for this essay to stand out, you have to choose something to change in your community that is unique to either your culture or way of living that you feel is a negative and should be improved upon in order to make it a more effective tool for your community to use. For example, composting of biodegradable waste material or giving children a curfew because they play in the streets. Little things that make a big difference in the community help to make the response to this prompt stand out.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: FAMILY ROLE CHANGES (Causes and Positive/Negative) [2]

Nguyễn, your opening paraphrase is not as accurate as it should be. To say "in the recent few decades" is inappropriate as few means "little" but "decades" means at least 20 years, which is not little. Each decade is composed of 10 years. So to say "The correct term would have been "in the recent decades..." if you want to use the plural form of the time reference. This is one of the reasons why your prompt restatement is incorrect to a certain extent. The more appropriate paraphrase would have been:

There has been a recent development of stay at home dads in opposition to stay at home moms. These days, it is not uncommon to have mothers participating in the workplace. This essay will illustrate a few reasons as to why this has occurred. It will also present a discussion as to why this is a positive development.

Stick to just representing your understanding of the prompt without adding exaggerated information. You just need to state the facts, without adding information not in the original prompt. If it isn't in the original presentation, then don't mention it because it can change the slant and tone of discussion, which, in the scoring consideration, could be a negative for your TA score.

All of your discussions are not accurately developed. You have gone over the maximum 5 sentence word count throughout the body of your presentations because you tried to discuss 2 reasons per paragraph when the sentence allotment is only good for one fully explained and supported reason. When you try to discuss more than one topic per paragraph, you will end up adversely affecting your C&C score which requires a completely developed, and explained thought process. The score for the discussion will not come from the number of reasons but rather, the clarity and quality of your explanation.

Presenting less than 5 paragraphs will also reduce your score in the overall terms of TA, GRA, C&C, and LR considerations. Your aim in this essay is to prove that you can appropriately discuss a topic within a given paragraph requirement, based on specific directions, and in proper English. You have some good discussions in this essay but you are not appropriately presenting it to the reader. Just remember the basic rules for the format:

1. Don't include information in the paraphrase that isn't in the original prompt
2. 5 paragraphs
3. 3-5 sentences per paragraph
4. Make sure you write in coherent English
5. Avoid run-on sentences

I made a reference to run on sentences because your body paragraphs are overly long and separated by commas when your separate sentence ideas should have been presented in individual sentences within the paragraph. All connected information should be in single sentence presentations that represent either simple or complex sentences. Don't confuse complex sentences with run on sentences because they are not the same. Run ons just string together a series of ideas that eventually stop making sense. That is not how you develop a complex sentence. A complex sentence is composed of an independent and dependent clause. Just one of each, not a series of separate ideas that are forcing themselves to be connected when they should not be connected in the presentation.

This is a good start. You have room for improvement. I believe that you can do it provided you always apply the corrections that you will be given during your practice tests.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Are the arts a good government investment? [4]

Inderjeet, this essay sounds like you used a dictionary to write it all throughout. I sincerely doubt that you will be using this kind of old English language in writing the test in a formal exam setting. With over 300 words written, there is absolutely no way you are allowing yourself enough time within the 40 minute time frame to correct yourself in case or errors in your presentation. You have to remember that this is not a test of English vocabulary knowledge. This is a test of English comprehension and everyday language discussion skills. English words that you would normally use when interacting with people or when writing your research papers. You are not trying to replace William Shakespeare or Julius Ceasar here. Your use of ancient English and foreign words in the essay will not help your score either. It will drag it down because this is a test of English language skills. Not ancient English, not artistic English, not Shakespearan English, just regular everyday English. Even though you wrote a very interesting essay, the lack of format adherence is what will make this essay fail. You often veer off context because of your desire to show off your English vocabulary and use of high brow words. That is not how you will pass this test. Read the examples of the Task 2 essays available for your reference here. Learn from these more appropriately presented examples and follow the format. That is the way you will pass this test.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Problems caused by media's projected image of beauty [5]

Sri, the perfect word count for a Task 2 essay that will allow you to write 5 paragraphs with 5 sentences each is 250 words. Do not go beyond 250 words because when you write more than that, you will run out of time during the allotted 40 minutes to review, edit, and revise your essay content. You should also be conscious of the 5 sentence maximum requirement per paragraph. You have written one extremely long 7 sentence paragraph that delves into various topics that should have been discussed in the remaining 2 body paragraphs instead. These mistakes will really lower your final score. Always keep to the standard rules for writing the task 2 essay:

1. Write an essay of 250 words in order to better allot the exam time for polishing your work.
2. Always present 5 paragraphs in order to completely develop your single reason explanations and examples.
3. Never use your personal opinion as the closing statement.
4. Always summarize the discussion for the closing / concluding statement.

Following those basic rules will help you develop an essay that can be considered for a passing score. Not following these rules will result in a problematic and low scoring essay.

Your opening paragraph is unacceptable. This is not a proper paraphrasing of the opening statement. You began the discussion of the topic in the first paragraph without first introducing the prompt paraphrase in the paragraph. You must always assume that the examiner has no idea as to what the prompt for the discussion is so you have to explain it to him in your own words, in a manner that you are sure he will understand. So the proper first paragraph for this essay is:

The past ten years has seen a rise in the mass media promotion of the ideal woman as being youthful and skinny. This has caused a number of problems among the young women of today. There are a number of solutions that can be taken in order to address this situation. This essay will present a discussion of the problems that body shaming has caused and how it can be resolved.

The current problem with your essay is that even if we were to edit the content, you would not be able to present the 4th paragraph as a solution to the problem. That means that your essay presentation was wrong from the very start. You would need to revise the presentation in order to have the following format for your essay:

1. Paraphrase
2. problem 1 + example
3. Problem 2 + example
4. Collective solution to the problems
5. Concluding summary

This would have been the best way for you to present the essay in a manner that would have gotten you a better scoring consideration in an overall context.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - essay about Country's goal, Economic progress or others? [2]

Sri, unfortunately, you were short by one word in order to meet the minimum word requirement. You wrote only 249 words when the acceptable minimum is 250 words. The result of this highly avoidable error on your part will be an automatic failing score for this essay. Regardless of your content and English vocabulary skills, the minute you fall under the required word count, you will not pass the test. Had you written exactly 250 words or a little over that, it would have been a totally different story and I could serious consider your essay for a passing score. Here is a clue as to how you can always be assured of meeting the minimum word requirement. Always write 5 paragraphs with at least 3 sentences per paragraph. 5 sentences per paragraph would be the best. An additional reason that your essay failed to meet the minimum word count is because you did not discuss your personal opinion, as required by the essay, in a stand alone paragraph. You merely made it a mention in the concluding paragraph, which is a violation of the formatting instructions. The personal opinion is always a stand alone paragraph because that is the paragraph that further illustrates your ability to express yourself in written English. The discussion of the two points of view is all about your English comprehension skills. That is why you should not under develop one discussion over the other or the other two.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history [2]

Than, the first problem with this essay is that it is not formatted properly. While you do have more than the required 250 words in the essay, you did not bother to divide the discussion topics into individual paragraphs in order to meet the 5 sentence , 5 paragraph requirement. The combined content discussions that are not accurately represented in the 2 body paragraphs. By the way, always write 3 body paragraphs so that you can better explain your reasons in the essay. Since this is an opinion essay, 3 strong opinions in every paragraph would have done the trick for you.

Since each paragraph should represent only one idea that is supported by personal knowledge or opinion, along with one example, this paragraph doesn't make the cut in terms of presentation requirements. It is confusing and doesn't really accomplish a solid discussion because you have only one sentence for the first reason and then a longer discussion, with examples, for the second reason. Limit yourself to only one reason and one example per paragraph with at least 2 supporting sentences within. That is the appropriate presentation that always gain a higher score in the C&C consideration scale.

Your opening paraphrase and closing summary are also nothing more than run-on sentence presentations. These paragraphs still need to follow the basic paragraph requirements so you need to split up the ideas in your long sentence presentation into individual sentences. By the way, don't exaggerate your opening paraphrase. Just stick to the voice of the original discussion as presented in the original prompt. Here is an example of how you can do this for the opening paragraph:

There is a discussion ongoing these days regarding the teaching of local and world history in schools. Some educators believe that more time should be spent increasing a student's knowledge of local history instead of learning about world history. I strongly disagree with this statement for a number of reasons.

The closing paragraph should have a maximum of 5 sentences that represents the original prompt, the 3 discussion points, and a repeat of your disagreement with the given statement in order to create an appropriate summarized discussion for the essay. It will also help it to close on the strongest possible presentation.

Writing Feedback / Developments in technology have brought various environmental problems. [3]

Quynh, this essay will get an automatic failing score because you did not meet the minimum word count requirement of 250 words. That is one full page or 5 paragraphs composed of 5 sentences each. Truth be told, since I saw that your word count was under the minimum, I thought that I should not follow through in additional advice for your essay anymore. However, that would be a disservice to you so I should at least point out what the problems with the essay are and how you can improve it.

Unfortunately, you did not provide me with a copy of the original prompt that you are responding to so I cannot be sure if you have actually written an essay that aligns itself with the prompt expectations and requirements. So I will just give you advice based on the problems that I see in the essay.

You have a tendency to just keep on giving multiple reasons per paragraph in your essay, without really explaining or building upon the facts you have presented. As a standard rule, you should only present one reason per paragraph in order to give you a chance to clearly explain your reason and offer acceptable supporting examples for it. With only 5 sentences per paragraph, you really don't have enough room to fully explain all the reasons you present in one paragraph. That is why you were given 3 evidentiary discussion paragraphs. That is the purpose of the body of paragraphs, to present evidence of the discussions you are instructed to present. However, multiple presentations come across as confusing to the reader. So one reason per paragraph is the most acceptable format for the essay presentation.

You made the mistake of using your opinion as the closing paragraph of this essay. That will result in a major loss of points for you because the essay should close with a summary of the discussion, not a personal opinion. the summarized discussion helps to close the essay because it wraps up the discussion in a manner that reiterates your personal point of view in the essay.

I feel like something is off in your discussion though. Normally, a discussion of the advantage and disadvantages does not include a personal opinion. I wish I had the original prompt by which to judge your work by. Please don't forget to upload the original prompt with your next essay. That is, should you decide to seek more advice from us at this forum.