Scholarship / Organizational Effectiveness and Performance -How will the proposed study contribute to your career? [3]

The last paragraph of this essay is the most applicable reference to the future and far reaching effects of the study to the career of the applicant. When properly integrated into the opening paragraph, a clear career path, based on study application is implied. This is what the reviewer is looking for in the response. Now, build upon these 2 paragraphs in a manner that will highlight the skills development application, without merely repeating the course curriculum as is done in this presentation. It is the application of the studies that are important to the reviewer. Since there is a specific development goal involved, the writer should merge the course objectives and the development plan. This will create a definitive professional personality for the applicant that clearly responds to the question provided.

Writing Feedback / The two maps compare the road access to a city hospital which was done in 2007 and 2010 [3]

The overview would have been helped by a clearer separation / differentiation of the maps using the respective years. In fact, that word, "respectively", had it been used in the presentation, would have added a tremendous amount of clarity to the image identification and differentiation requirement. The writer should make that clearer next time to avoid any confusing references or the creation of confusing references within the presentation.

Reviewing the image presentations, the changes indicated in the trending sentence are the complete list. So the writer does not need to indicate "some changes" when he is stating the complete changes as indicated in the 2 maps. This will create an inaccurate trending report on his part which the examiner will most likely spot and deduct points for.

As far as the rest of the report goes, the information presented is straightforward and acceptable. While the paragraphs could use more development in terms of fleshing out the report, the presentation is enough to get decent scoring considerations per section.

Writing Feedback / Students should choose the subjects they like to learn [3]

There is a confusing prompt restatement presented here. The writer is not presenting opposing points of view. Rather, he is presenting the same opinion twice. I believe he rushed through the writing of the prompt restatement and did not realize that his interpretation was not on the mark in relation to the original presentation. I read the paragraph several times and still found myself confused by his statement. This will definitely result in a failing GRA score due to the confusing statement presented.

The writer is offering an over reaching reasoning discussion by including a reference to race, nationality, and cultural background. He should just keep the reasoning simple, based on his personal experiences if possible, rather than using reasoning points that will be difficult to defend in a single paragraph. It actually results in further confusion in the presentation, now affecting the coherence and cohesiveness of the presentation.

I do not understand what the schools and government have to do with the discussion. These were not part of the original prompt discussion. The sudden inclusion of the need to have schools and governments offer solutions to the problem resulted in an open ended essay. Without a proper summary conclusion, this essay is risking receiving an overall failing score.

Writing Feedback / Money spent on the protection of wild animals could be better use on human's needs [2]

It is incorrect for the writer to refer to the idea presented "in restrospect" because the idea is not a past presentation. Rather, it is a continuing school of thought that applies to this very day. by saying "in retrospect", the writer is changing the timeline of the discussion from present to past. This changes the importance of the discussion topic and also, redirects the original sentiment of the discussion. Unless otherwise specified, the writer must always refer to all given thoughts, ideas, and opinions in the present form.

There was also no need to use the word "However" in the presentation. The adverb was used incorrectly in this sentence because it failed to properly present a measured extent in the sentence. This word applies more to monetary expense references rather than emotional measurements. So the writer had the right idea, but an incorrect word application due to the actual meaning and usage of the word.

The writer is fond of using noun phrases in the essay. The problem is that the application is incorrect, thus making the essay difficult to understand for the native English user. He is trying to impress the examiner using his vocabulary but failing to do so due to his inadequate English word and phrase usage knowledge. He is familiar with the words and phrases, but unfamiliar with the meaning and correct method of using these terminologies.

Writing Feedback / Public smoking - good or not? [2]

To get the maximum base score potential in a task 2 test, the writer must refrain from immediately discussing the topic in the prompt + personal opinion paragraph. This paragraph must be between 2 -5 sentences that only does the following:

- Restate the original topic through the writers understanding / basic interpretation. English comprehension skills are tested in this section.
- Deliver a reasoning based personal opinion. The personal opinion should state the discussion topics for extended discussion in the body paragraphs. It should be an integrated statement that omits an actual discussion.

The writer presents valid reasons in every paragraph. It proves he understands the topic. The problem is that there are no strong discussion points to support the evidence. He should focus less on the number of reasons and more on the smooth reasoning connections to improve the cohesiveness of the presentation. Doing so will strongly prove the coherence of the discussion and increase his scores. Develop the paragraphs properly. Do not omit connecting the reasons in the paragraphs through transition phrases and sentences. Do not rely only on transition words as these do not always provide additional discussion clarity because these are only memorized words taught in ESL and IELTS class. It does not help prove academic writing proficiency at all times.

Writing Feedback / Give your opinion on sharing information freely [3]

The writer committed 2 grave errors in this presentation that will cause the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph to receive a failing score:

- He mentions social media in reference to information sharing where none was made previously. This makes his restated reference inaccurate and deviant in presentation. It is not an acceptable rewording of the original topic.

- Rather than simply stating his opinion after presenting the 2 public viewpoints, he has decided that the essay will be discussed based on the:


Rather than a simple comparative discussion of the public opinion v. his personal opinion. The essay has already failed in totality at this point as the writer did not follow the writing instructions as provided by the original presentation. He created his own discussion basis, which is not related to the previously provided information. He did not understand the discussion instructions and cannot be given a passing score because of this misunderstanding of the response format on his part.

Writing Feedback / Is it true that technology makes our life too complex? [2]

When the student states "the technology", he is making reference to a specific technology already. The original prompt does not indicate a specific type of technology for the discussion therefore, a definite article such as "the" should not be used in the sentence. The inclusion of the word does not refer to a noun thereby making it a GRA deduction.

The writer is presenting an academic paper. He must avoid using slang English phrases such as "swamped with tons" as this is a highly non-academic phrase presentation. Always bear in mind that the audience for the paper will be academics who are looking for the writer's ability to present his thoughts in an academic and professional manner.

A mere "advocation" does not respond properly to the "extent" question. A measured response depicting the strength of his conviction in his opinion is still required. The personal opinion is not question compliant at this point. Having rviewed the total essay, I found that the writer did not meet the extent requirement in the conclusion either, where it should have been presented a second time as a part of the summary conclusion to the reader.

Writing Feedback / Should we preserve or destroy old buidings? [2]

A school of thought is a belief or idea that is supported by people. That is not the reference in the original presentation.A direct question was being asked of the writer, whose opinion is the focal point of the discussion. It is the question, as posed to the author, that should have been reflected in the restatement. There is no school of thought provided therefore, the rewrite is inaccurate and does not meet the scoring guidelines for the prompt. There is no clear opinion set before the reader either, which further proves to be a scoring problem for the writer. His personal opinion which is:


should have been stated twice in the presentation. Once as the personal opinion response to the question, then, as a restatement of the opinion in the summary conclusion. That is the format adherent way to present the ideas required in this essay.

Writing Feedback / Run your own business rather than work for an employer. Advantages and disadvantages [2]

The prompt restatement is too far from the original topic considerations to be considered an accurate rewording of that presentartion. The topic basis has been altered by the author, resulting in a different discussion basis from the original. Such changes result in a lower scoring consideration based on on the inability of the writer to stick with the original discussion points. While the presentation sounds cool and updated in consideration, it does not reflect the original discussion idea. Hence the deviation. The writer also mentions pros and cons, prior to actually responding to the discussion question. Another deviation of the personal opinion kind that will result in a lower TA score for this paragraph. It is important that the writer does not get too creative in restating things in this section. The score is based on adherence to the topic and a clear opinion that directly responds to the question. Do that and you get maximum scoring consideration, get fancy and change things too much from the original and the essay gets a failing score at the very start. That is not the place you want to start the essay from.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that teachers have the biggest influence on child's development once he/she starts. [3]

The writer is responding to a Task 2 IELTS essay as if she were answering a class recitation. This is an unacceptable format that will result in the student garnering a failing score should this have been an actual test. There is no proper formatting within the 4 paragraph requirement, the first problem in this essay. The 4 paragraphs are composed of:

- Prompt restatement + personal opinion
- 2 reasoning paragraphs
- Summary conclusion

Seeing as the discussion does not adhere to the scoring requirements, the exam taker will not be able to get maximum scoring points for the individual scoring considerations. All of the reasons presented are rushed and lacking in full discussion developement. This is a non-passing presentation. The student should try again, this time, follow the required formatting for all sections and make sure to properly develop the reasoning paragraphs in a manner that can actually receive scoring credits.

If the IELTS requirements are not considered though, the writer shows an understanding of the prompt. There is a simple and acceptable discussion presented in a short manner as well. The student at least shows that the opinion created is related to the discussion.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart shows the average class sizes in primary schools and lower secondary schools in 6 [3]

The writer has not indicated the type of graph that was provided for this report. Thus creating a difficult to reconstruct image for the reader. He is also confusing the reader by not completely mentioning all 6 countries in his trending outline. It would be best if he did not mention any countries at all and simply used a general reference to the highest and lowest points in the graph. Afterall, the trending statement does not need to contain any full or partial analysis at that point. It must only contain a measurement observation. One measurement observation is more than sufficient for that task.

The countries for reporting should be divided into 2 groups for the report. Grouping them by regional location or some other method would be more than acceptable for this task as it will offer additional and related information for the clarity of the reader. The groups should not contain more than 3 related countries per reporting paragraph.

The report for lower secondary school can be deemed to be under reported in this case as it does not reflect the other countries that were included in the measurement. This means that the report is under developed and analyzed. It will not allow the examiner to reward full points for that paragraph.

Scholarship / Genetic Engineering - GKS-Undergraduate- Future plan [2]

You are getting ahead of yourself. The masters course you plan to take up is not yet relevant at this point. Being an undergraduate, your focus should be on gaining a mastery of your theoretical and minimal practical skills through employment. The question is, do you plan to take advantage of the opportunity to work for a while in Korea or, do you go back to your home country immediately to apply what you have learned? Where will you apply it? How will you apply it? What is your career projection over the next 2-5 years? Do not focus on advanced studies yet. That could be mentioned towards the end, but it should not be the focus of this response. The reviewer wants to know if you are really knowledgable about the undergraduate major you have chosen by understanding the career path you plant to take with or without the help of the Korean government.

Scholarship / [GKS Scholarship] Language Study Plan - AR/VR Technology [4]

Remove the reference to language stready in your personal statement. The GKS has specific prompt discussions per essay. Repeated information, specially when first mentioned in an irelevant prompt will be a point against you Follow the instructions to the letter.

The language study plan lacks an actual learning path before and after arriving in Korea. The essay discusses language study in general. It lacks merit lbased on TOPIK Ievel considerations and English language certifications. There is no merit to this statement. The writer will benefit from studying samples here for language study plans. He is not on the right path at the moment.

The writer needs to provide convincing activities that represent acceptable study plans such as using online courses, apps, or formal language training in the pre departure aspect. The post departure can be best represented by the mandatory language classes upon his arrival in Korea.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Economic progress VS Other progress [2]

The prompt restatement is inaccurate. It fails to represent both public opinions prior to the writer's point of view on the matter. Therefore, his opinion and personal reasoning, as stated, tends to lack validity. The paragraph can only receive a partial TA score since the presentation is only partially accurate.

The discussion fails to properly compare the basis of the public reason with his own. The strength of his opinion in this type of writing comes from his ability to fairly opine based on the public perception. Why does he believe one POV to be true and the other false? How does his personal reasoning fit in the context of both public perceptions? The current discussion is generally based on a personal point of view alone which does not create an open discussion of the 2 public opinions as per the prompt requirements.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - The proportion of national consumers' expenditure on various items [2]

A 4 paragraph report is only acceptable when 2 images are provided for the comparative reporting task. Where only one image is present, only 3 paragraphs are required. Forcing a 4 paragraph development results in improperly formatted paragraphs (2 sentences where 3-5 is the norm) and a lack of proper analysis presentation. It is important that the writer compress the information into an understandable 3-5 sentence paragraph instead. By using 3-5 sentences within a 3 paragraph presentation, the writer will be able to better develop a concise report that meets all of the scoring requirements. It is important that the focus of the report is on the specified reporting and comparison information. These are presented in the 2 paragraphs after the summary. Whether a report then a comparison or vice versa is presented is left to the discretion of the reporter / author.

The writer, due to his unfamiliarity with the reporting format for the task 1 essay, has accidentally provided 2 trending statements. The first as a part of the summary overview and the second, as the last presentation in this essay. While the trending statement may be presented anywhere within the report, it must be presented only once. So the writer needs to always proof read his work to make sure that there is no duplication of information in the report.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Children's Talents can be learned [2]

In the first sentence of the prompt restatement, the writer uses the past tense "believed" rather than the current reference "believe". by using the past tense, he indicates that this line of thinking is no longer applicable, altering the original statement. He must be conscious of the fact that by using the incorrect time reference, he will end up losing points as this clearly shows a grammar accuracy problem. It also shows a lack of care while writing since he is did not proofread his work for accuracy.

The second sentence fairs better in terms of referencing the actual time reference of the discussion, which means that only a minimal deduction will be applied to the prompt restatement section. As for the personal opinion presentation, the writer failed to clearly state his opinion, something clearly indicated by "... and state your opinion." The opinion statement + thesis basis are the last part of the TA scoring considerations. The opinion must be presented, along with the reason for the opinion which can be dealt with later on in the reasoning paragraphs. 2 opinions can be stated in this section. One writer's opinion for each public opinion as presented in the prompt.

In both discussion paragraphs the writer does not complete the discussion development by using a comparative analysis of the public opinion v. his personal thoughts on the matter. When asked to discuss both views, the writer is expected to display his pronoun usage knowledge by developing paragraphs that highlight the comparison through the use of proper third and first person pronouns. That way the public view is properly compared to his personal opinion which may support or not support the given opinion for specific reasons. Why is this comparison pronoun usage important? The focus of this essay is on the grammar range of the student. That means, he must be able to carry on a comparative discussion in a clear manner, referring to different parties as needed in the discussion.

Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing Task 2: Some people think the news has no connection to people's lives [5]

It is important that the writer does not imply his personal opinion in the opening sentence of the prompt restatement + personal opinion section. That is because the task accuracy score of this section, relies on the method by which the exam taker can restate the original prompt, without altering the original slant of the discussion. That alteration happens when the writer presents a non-supported bit of information that is not found in the original presentation. This is what happened in this scenario. The writer presented information that cannot be seen once the examiner compares his prompt restatement with the original prompt. That lack of support is what will cause the points deductions due to alterations. That is why I advise the students to avoid presenting non-related information in the prompt restatement. Restate the original topic and public opinions sentence by sentence, without any additional information. Additional information may only be presented, with points awarded for it, in the personal opinion statement as the added information will give clarity to the opinion of the writer in a summarized form. These are the exact reasons why the current prompt restatement + personal opinion of the writer cannot be considered accurate nor worthy of a passing preliminary score. It does not fall under the guidelines that would allow it to get a high paragraph scoring consideration.

The writer has also forced several errors in his writing presentation that will prevent the awarding of passing or high scores based on the scoring rubic. This was the outcome of the overwritten, but not proof-read essay. With almost 400 words written, I am worried that the writer will miss out on writing a truly quality and content based essay during the actual test. Keep the discussions simple and within 300 words only. 275 words being the most ideal number of words that will help the test taker avoid too many point deductions during the actual test.

The essay tries to discuss too much, but develops too little of the content. One will gain a better score with a single, but fully developed presentation topic in a paragraph, than presenting several topics, but not really developing the explanation to a believable extent for each. The reader is not convinced of the validity of the discussion because of too many points being made in the presentation. Focus on one topic or two related topics next time. 2 topics that can be connected through the correct use of transition words, phrases, or better yet, transition sentences.

Writing Feedback / *not a reference* Young leaders in the government. Discuss both views and give opinions [2]

I take it that the writer is reviewing for the IELTS test alone. Something that I surmised because, instead of writing a simple 4 paragraph response paper, he wrote a 2 page opinion paper instead, as if submitting the paper in a classroom setting. That is an error in judgement on the part of the author. The test wishes to do a simple, written conversation type of English test. It is not something that needs to be over informed, nor over presented. It only needs to have sufficient information to prove the English comprehension and writing skills of the exam taker. There are only 40 minutes allotted to write the best quality essay during the test. That is not accomplished by simply writing a long essay. That normally results in a failing essay test due to scoring deductions that could possibly be applied.

The test will already fail due to exaggerated word usage, incorrect usage of terms, and often confusing references. All of which stem from the effort the writer is making to impress the examiner with his word usage. That is exactly where the long writing errors come in. This is not a mere vocabulary test. It is a test of language usage accuracy for the most part. Something this essay clearly fails to do.

Unless the writer learns to write less, but with more meaning, he will not be able to pass the test. Consider all the scoring considerations and write accordingly, within no more than 300 words. Then, maybe, the author will have a chance to pass the test. As of now, that is not possible.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: HELP ME TO CHECK MY PREPARATION FOR MY UPCOMING EXAM - export values [3]

Charts are the general reference to the measurements provided in an image. Such a reference is considered vague and not very useful in presentations where accurate referencing is a must. The correct image description is needed to help the reader understand the type of measurements used and, allow them to plot the same on their own if they have to. Therefore, the report must be specific about the type of chart used. In this case, the reference should be 2 line charts. The plural of the word is used to indicate 2 seperate line chart functions. The number of charts should be used to clearly seperate the information contained in each chart. A collective summary such as the one presented here lacks clarity and cannot help in the reconstruction of the said image.

There are 2 images presented. Whenever there is more than 1 image present, the writer must use the 4 paragraph format in order to create a clear separation in information references. His spacing in the page must be clear. The Enter or Return button must be used to clearly show the paragraph separation in reference to information presentation. That is not very clear in this current format and as such, makes it appear like there are 2 paragraphs that were incorrectly formatted. The writer has an option for the summary overview:

- Combine the trending reference with the summary to create a single paragraph of up to 5 sentences.
- Create a separate trending reference of at least 3 sentences to meet the minimum paragraph requirement.

Either way is acceptable but, the first representation normally gets the higher score.

Writing Feedback / WRITTING TASK 1: the percentage of Australian people who were born in different places in the world [2]

The summary overview the writer has presented is conflicting. There is a difference between the meaning of "the world" and "parts of the world". The former refers to a totality, while the latter indicates certain areas only. The image refers to only specific parts of the globe, hence "parts of the world". This is an error in phrase reference that has affected the validity of the report and will receive deductions for its inaccurate referencing.

For the trending summary, it is best to mention general references without actually mentioning any specific countries yet. Using a simple upward and downward trend based on the years indicated would have sufficed and been better marked in terms of summation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Are governments responsible for environmental preservation? [2]

Why is the writer constantly changing the presentation slant of the original prompts? This is the second time that he has created an argument and debate where only ideas are presented in the original. These create prompt deviations in the prompt restatement section that will result in failing scores being given for inaccurate rephrasing. While he provided an extent response in the correct format this time, it will still not be considered because he did not respond to the original question being asked in relation to his (dis)agreement with the original prompt idea. Rather than clearly agreeing or disagreeing, he decided to strongly believe in the people's role within the issue. This is an error created by the incorrect arrangement of the sentence words. While it might sound prompt responsive to an ESL, it is not prompt responsive at all to an ENL.

Again, the same problem with the response format. I will not repeat myself in this essay as the same errors exist as in the first one that was written. I can only hope that the writer will learn from his mistakes. He should not write more than one essay per day as he is seeking to have his work reviewed and corrected. Writing multiple essays that contain the same problems are a waste of his and the reviewer's time.

He has also over written the essay. He will not pass when he writes almost 400 words, but does not properly respond to the question. He will still fail since he has shown an inability to follow instructions or write in an expected manner. Nobody has ever passed this test based on an extended word count alone. Quality and comprehension are scored in this test, not the word count.

You may contact us privately for your scoring concerns.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Watching live events is still more satisfying than watching it on TV [3]

There are 2 problems with the prompt restatement. The first, is that the writer created a public argument where a basic idea was represented in the original prompt. There is no reference to the idea presented as a public opinion, or as a debatable topic. As such, it should have been reworded as a mere idea presentation alone. The second, is that the writer offers an opinion that does not meet the task opinion clarity requirement. The measured response, which was the expected response for that sentence, was presented later on in the discussion paragraphs, thus eliminating the correct opinion statement in the first paragraph. Therefore, the first paragraph may have difficulty in receiving a passing score based upon restatement and opinion considerations for the task.

As for the discussion format, the writer incorrectly used a comparative discussion where a single opinion based on 2 supporting reasons was required. Unlike other essays that use the comparative format due to the indication of "discuss / compare both views", this essay merely asked for a single opinion coming from the personal point of view of the writer. Therefore, a score based on task format cannot be awarded in a passing manner. The writer should be aware of the differing response formats for the differing task writing instructions in order to provide an acceptable body of paragraphs for the examiner to score.

In the conclusion, the writer also adds a totally new discussion topic at the end of the paragraph. That created an open ended essay as the new topic was not fully discussed and developed to the point where a proper concluding paragraph could have followed. Since there is no proper conclusion for this discussion, it may not achieve a passing score at all.

Essays / Is this a good thesis? This is for my research paper [2]

What has been provided is not a thisis statement. The writer has given the definition or meaning of the term Pediatric Physicall Therapist. A job description has been provided to further add to the explanation of what the job is about. What it does not do is offer a targeted research topic. What question does the writer hope to answer through the research? Why is it important that this topic be researched? Though the definition helps the reader understand the introduction to the topic, it does not represent the complete thesis statement. This has to be expanded with more information regarding the direction of the research. How it will be completed, and what the writer hopes to accomplish in the end.

Scholarship / AAS Essay (How will the proposed study contribute to your career*) Master degree Aquaculture [3]

The question refers to how you will be using the knowledge gained to improve your career in Indonesia. That means you should discuss your career plans, not what you plan to do as a student. This is not a study plan essay, rather, it is a career plan in relation to your studies. A new essay must be developed in place of this one to accomplish that task. Not worry though, you can use some sections of this essay as a foundation for the new response.

The first paragraph is actually the most applicable in this version. It explains the motivation for your interest in the course and the career path you will take, based on the available departments. What is missing, is the actual discussion of the end goal for your studies. Based on these departments, how would you chart your career path? Why take that path? What is the relationship between your studies in Australia and the final government position to aspire for?

You may take the last paragraph of this essay and use it as the direct response to explain how the proposed study applies to your future career. No generalizations. Have a specific research outcome in mind. Solve an actual problem based on the studies you will be taking. Create a more interesting and merged version of the information contained in paragraphs 1 and 3.

Graduate / Motivation Letter - Erasmus Mundus Joint Masters Degree - Master in Medical Imaging and Applications [2]

I can understand how, based on the application requirements, you will believe that you are highly qualified as an applicant to this program, even though you appear to still be an undergraduate at this point. You have ample academic exposure to the field of interest in relation to the double masters courses. However, your academic accomplishments and ability to perform during the pandemic will not be the only considerations. Usually, the applicants to these sorts of programs carry with them ample research experience either as a research assistant or, as a published researcher. They will be your competition and they will be the reason that your application will appear weak to the reviewer when held in comparison to the more seasoned applicants.

Try to focus on strengthening your internship experience in relation to the courses. Concentrate on increasing the profile of your current research in a manner that shows a cutting edge topic that is destined to change the way that AI functions in medical science. Make them believe that you are the next Elon Musk of Medical Imaging. I do not get a sense of your promise as a researcher in this field. Perhaps because there was not ample development of this side, when it is actually what will give you the competitive edge in the face of stiff competition.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: To what extent do the advantages of memorization outweigh the disadvantages? [2]

Memorization is not the same as copying text. Memorization means"to commit to memory". It requires repeated reading. copying refers to repeated writing. Those are 2 different actions. This incorrect word replacement will lower the vocabulary score since it shows a problem with word meaning and an alteration of the discussion topic. There is a clear task inaccuracy in the statement.

The writer incorrectly responded to the question as well. The discussion premise for defense has been supplied. That is the only discussion that should be present in the reasoning and opinion statement. By not using the supplied discussion basis, the writer has changed the discussion and therefore, not followed the task / writing instructions. This will result in a non-passing score even as points are partially provided due to an unrelated discussion presentation.

Graduate / Eager to learn more - GKS Personal Statement [2]

Sadly, the given personal statement does not meet the masters degree requirements for the application. This type of statement does not even meet the complete requirements for the undergraduate scholarship application. I believe that the writer has not taken the time to review the actual discussion requirements as indicated in the application packet. The packet is available online and will be tremendously useful in the creation of a totally new personal statement. Kindly review the masters course personal statement presentation requirements, then write a new essay. One that is more aligned with the requirements of the review committee. Reviewing the requirements will also help the applicant assess if now will be the right time for him to apply for the scholarship since he has yet to graduate from his current major. This makes him a weak candidate and one of the less considerable applicants since he has not experienced enough professionally or within an internship setting, to pass the first round of considerations yet.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: WRITING TASK 2: LANGUAGE DIED OUT [2]

The essay will get a failing TA score and because of that, an overall failing score even though the exam taker completed the essay writing task. This is because he made a mistake in 3 areas:

- Incorrect prompt restatement:
A truth was mentioned rather than the rewording of "Every year", which is a central part of the discussion foundation. No explanation as to why the people are not bothered by the death of languages, which was included in the original establishing prompt.

- Incorrect discussion response:
A response to the question "To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement" was expected. Instead, the exam taker indicated a response based on advantages or disadvantages. The opinion presented is not aligned with the original question being asked.

- Incorrect discussion format
With the incorrect discussion response comes an incorrect discussion format. The overall reasoning presentation is not based on the given discussion requirements. Rather, the writer changed the discussion basis with his response and proceeded to respond in the same manner. It is no longer aligned with the necessary scoring considerations.

Scholarship / The contribution of the proposed study to your career as a geoscientist - AAS [3]

The response itself is strong, but could be stronger. You still have room within the 2K word count maximum so you can add information or, revise the essay to create more room for the content adjustment I will be suggesting. The only part of this essay that actually needs more clarification or a stronger explanation is the second paragraph. If you review it, you will find that you did not explain how the classes will help you create an action plan for your career in relation to estimating the needed reserves and distribution for the initial investors. Adding a sentence or two about how you envision yourself developing that action plan at the moment could help increase the interest level in your response.

Writing Feedback / Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business [2]

The writer will do best to remember that he has only 40 minutes to draft, review, edit, review, proofread, and finalize the content of his discussion. These quality focused scoring considerations need to be prioritized over the word count. The current word count cannot be met within 40 minutes if the aforementioned review and editing requirements, which will ensure that he achieves the top score for his work, are to be accomplished. Remember, the word count is not scored. The score comes from the quality of the work. If you write a lot, but fail to conclude the essay in within 40 minutes, then you will still have a strong potential to fail the test. Focus on what is scored, not the number of words. Write another essay. One that is written within 250-300 words. Show me your ability to write in a focused manner. Keep it short, accomplish the writing quality within an appropriate word count. Then I can tell you if you will qualify for the test or not. Right now, the sentences in the presentation are badly written and the lack of clarity in the presentation could very well fail this test.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Write about people's opinion about hosting an international sports event [3]

The prompt restatement + personal opinion presentation is not properly formatted in the first paragraph. Based on the original prompt, the writer should be presenting at least 3 sentences in this paragraph. It must individually respresent:

- The first public opinion
- The second public opinion
- The writer's opinion

These 3 sentences comprise the required information that will meet the task requirements for increased scoring consideration. In this case, the topic is presented, but the implications for each target audience is missing, specially in the personal opinion section.

The writer does not understand that his personal opinion cannot be made a conclusion of this presentation. The personal opinion can be presented in only one of 2 ways:

- As a representation of his opinion of each reason within the same paragraph. That is after the public opinion is explained. He may agree or disagree at that point

- As a stand alone 3rd paragraph that supports one of the two public opinions. The stand alone explanation is part of the 3 reasoning paragraph option for this type of prompt.

The concluding summary should only indicate a recap of the previous discussion, along with the writer's opinion as a closing reiteration.

While the writing is not formatted properly, I am pleased to say that the writer at least understood the discussion requirements and showed a clear opinion of the topic. It is just that the formatting requirements were not appropriately met, causing problems with his scoring considerations.

Undergraduate / Different thinking examples and how it influenced other people [3]

The essay represent a strong misconception that exists in your country. Using your brother's misogyny as an example is a strong way of depicting the problem as it pertains to your family and society in general. However, you should, in my opinion, not go directly to your brother as a misogynist. Rather, establish the cultural mindset that helped to create your brother's attitude towards women first. That way, your desire to change the mindset has a strong backgrounder and, allows the reviewer to understand the gravity of the way of thinking. Additionally, do not tell the reviewers that your brother changed his mindset. Rather, show how his mindset was changed through his actions. It is better to show the results of your efforts rather than simply stating it.

Writing Feedback / In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than local food [2]

The writer has shown a difficulty in the prompt restatement portion of this task. He has managed to string together some English words to create a sentence. However, the meaning of the sentence is unclear to the reader due to the improper word choices and sentence structureof the presentation sentence. In this case, the restatement score will be a non-passing one. The restatement of the instruction does not qualify as a response in this case as there are direct questions posed by the original prompt. The expectation of the examiner, based on the TA requirements, is that the exam taker shall present straight topic based responses for both questions, thus meeting the clarity of opinion scoring requirement of the TA section. So, without the direct responses, the score for this section will be severely limited. It is not the repetition of the instruction that matters because it does not help establish the ability of the student to follow instructions based on indicated fields of scoring.

Avoid using memorized placement holders such as "on the one / other hand". These are considered class taught transition phrases that the student should have outgrown by the time he takes the actual test. His ability to use subject sentences to establish his point, by indicating a clear paragraph topic and its relation to his opinion would offer him the best scoring potential.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Bar chart - Divorces and marriages together with marital status [3]

The exam taker can further improve the GRA score for the report if he makes an effort to use more complex sentences, with the correct punctuation marks indicated in the sentence. In the first sentence, the correct placement of a comma would have indicated a better merged idea within 2 sentences. The sentence, as a summary, is well developed, but lacks the additional punctuation marks for clarity and grammar accuracy.

The data indicated is quite accurate and clear to the reader. However, an image indicator, would be useful. An image indicator clarifies which image is being reported upon in the paragraph. It should not be confused with an image positioner, which tells the reader where the image is on the page. Such positioners are unnecessary to the presentation.

Overall, the student just needs to work on his punctuation usage for increased scores. The report itself is accurate and well within a word count that will result in a high score. The writer has done his best to focus on the quality of his writing, which is a scoring plus, rather than the word count, which is a scoring minus due to the errors it often forces the writer to make. In this case, the errors are limited and do not adversely affect the overall score as these are minimal in nature.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 Some believe that nuclear weapons benefit the world at large. To what extent do you agree? [2]

Indicating several reasons is too wide a net to cast in a limited time essay. Aim for clarity and a stronger TA score by using specific reasons for your opinion. If uncertain, use only one reason to support your opinion, then explain it over 2 paragraphs. When certain, indicate 2 reasons for a higher TA and C+C score. Vagueness in presenting your opinion, by avoiding the shortened supporting reasons does not earn extra points.

When presenting evidence, try to go less for historic evidence dating back to World War II as the effects of those have already been dealt with. A more appropriate response would have been how nuclear weapons are existing as helpful aspects of our daily lives, when the opposite is true. Refer to the Japan nuclear power plant meltdown that turned the power plant into a potential weapon of mass destruction, and the Chernobyl explosion, that proves even an innocent power plant can be converted into a nuclear weapon if one desires to. Go for more recent information to show that you are updated regarding current events.

Overall, this is still a well written essay and has the potential to get an above average passing score. It is well developed and shows a high degree of education on the part of the test taker.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task 2] Environmental degradation problems and solutions. [3]

The essay shows your potential to give targeted responses to the given question. Being able to understand the prompt is the first step towards garnering a collection of positive scores for your overall final grade. So, the accuracy of your prompt restatement and word choices really helped you get a good preliminary score. There is room for vocabulary improvement overall as the current word usage is more in the elementary word choice bracket. Improving the vocabulary of your work, without going overboard, will also help increase your sectional scoring chances.

It is also important that you use specifics in your opinion statements, particularly with the discussion focus that you will want the essay to take. When you are asked "What causes the problem?" Do not provide a general response like "human activities". That is a response, but not a specific response. By offering a clearer response such as "Use of single use plastics is a human activity that contributes to the problem by causing...", you get a better scoring consideration in the TA section since your response is tremendously clear when the question is considered. Offer a solution immediately after that is just as clear; "The solution to this is...."

Overall, this is a good start. As an assessment tool, it tells me that you are capable of actually scoring higher than a 7 with proper guidance in terms of test preparation.

Writing Feedback / ARGUING ABOUT THE PURPOSES OF LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE [2]

The prompt restatement is acceptable although the first sentence is a bit out of place as it does not refer to required information coming from the original prompt. That is the writer's personal opinion and should actually not be present at all. The proper restatement should only have 3 sentences in it based on the original presentation. The rephrasing should always have the same number of sentences as the original since the information source does not change. Additionally, the personal opinion of the writer should not be vague in the personal opinion presentation. Deliver a clear response to the question. Since the writer already said he agrees with one side, the next scoring expectation is that he will indicate his single preliminary reason to complete the opinion + thesis statement.

The presentation does not use the required General Reason Explanation + Personal Opinion format for the response. The lack of the proper response formatting created a personal opinion essay rather than a comparative public + personal opinion presentation. Since the writer knows what the public opinion is and why he supports or does not support it, then he should have done so in the same paragraph. Or, he should have presented his personal opinion as a 3rd stand alone paragraph. This essay will receive scores, but it will not be full scoring considerations due to the improper response formatting.

Scholarship / LANGUAGE STUDY PLAN-GKS GRADUATE PROGRAM- MASTER'S IN ARTS AND DESIGN [4]

This essay does not respond to the 2 questions for the study plan:
- What are your current language study activities for Hangul and English?
- How do you plan to improve your skills in these 2 languages after you arrive in Korea?

The reviewer will be impressed by proper responses to these two questions but, will not be impressed by the lengthy, but irrelevant response that is currently being provided. This is not about how well the applicant can converse in French or Hindi. Those are not the languages that the classes will be taught him. While it does prove that he has the ability to learn languages and even teach languages, it does not prove that there are pre-departure language preparations of the serious kind as required by this application. One paragraph at the end in reference to the required languages discussion will not be sufficient for this presentation.

Undergraduate / "I Need More Opportunities to Pursue My Passion" - MIT Transfer Essays [2]

The paper is very personal in approach. The applicant has truly done his homework regarding what he wants his career path to be and the reason why he believes it should be that way. He should be commended for wishing to create improvements in the healthcare industry in a unique way. However, the soul searching has taken over the whole explanation. The personal considerations should be balanced with his reason for choosing to move to MIT in terms of his academic and career growth. I believe that the essay should be divided into 2 paragraphs each. Every pair focusing on the necessary explanations (why shift courses? Why MIT?) By providing a balanced insight into the 2 questions, the applicant will have a better chance of convincing the reviewer that he deserves a shot to be a MIT transfer student.

Research Papers / The Link Between ADHD and Eating Disorders: A rough draft [2]

The research will benefit from around 3 more paragraphs placed at the start of the essay. The writer should not assume that the reader is already well versed with the definition and signs of each problem. As with any research paper, a clearly defined area of research is required. For this research, the individual signs should merge in the third paragraph to create the target research topic of the presentation. By using the definition and symptom presentation for each illness, the research can be guided towards a strong thesis presentation. The current first paragraph is strong, but cannot be used as a thesis statement directly since it already contains cited information. The first 3 paragraphs should not contain cited information but rather, the observations of the writer that can comprise an opinion presentation leading into the thesis. That will establish the writer's point of view, which will be proven by the sicceeding researched information.

Being a research paper, it will be better to now use personal pronouns such as we, you, I, they, in the presentation. Using such pronouns removes the objectivity of the information provided. These sorts of papers most commonly use research information that is presented in general terms and focuses on more on non-targeted references (e.g. patient). It is not the job of this paper to lecture the reader, which is what happens when pronouns are used. It is the job of the paper to inform the reader and allow the reader to come to his own conclusion. Avoiding the direct use of personal references will help achieve that tone.

However, the writer does refer to himself directly as the case sample for this paper. Therefore, this reference should come earlier in the presentation. By indicating early on that he is the basis of the paper, the use of personal pronouns, and the integration of his personal experience throughout the research evidence will allow the paper to have a stronger foundation and profound meaning for the reader.