Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING T2] Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university... [3]


The opinion formation is incorrect. The opinion and extent response should be integrated into the reason. It should have been formatted similar to the following:

I partially agree with this statement to the extent that the government should subsidize free education up to the point that....
The point is to clearly represent your opinion, with an integrated thesis statement that will be the basis of the reasoning paragraphs.


The only acceptable reasoning paragraph here is the second paragraph, which supports the writer's earlier opinion. This should have been the first reasoning paragraph, with the topics within it expanded into a second paragraph to show the cohesiveness of the discussion.

The writer has presented an under developed essay at this point due to the improper first reasoning paragraph. While it might get a passing TA score, there are other grammar related issues in the essay that may still prevent it from receiving a passing score.

Scholarship / Personal Statement | Fulbright Scholarship | GIS & RS for Forest fire issues [2]

The essay is engaging and effectively uses the various practical experiences that applicant has had in life, in relation to the prompt requirements. However, the focus on work experience came too soon in the presentation. While the influence of the parents is notable at the start, a clear gap was left in relation to the applican'ts college / undergraduate degree. There was an immediate jump to the professional aspect of the applican'ts background.

The undergraduate discussion is important as it helps the reviewers understand the development of your interests and the actual foundation of your professional career. The struggles you had as a student, along with how you dealt with stressful situations, in relation to your experiences would have helped.

The rhetorical questions are meant to be transitions to other discussion points but I have to say, these rhetorical questions are not effectively used in the presentation. It would be better to just skip the rhetoric and instead, use clear thoughts or ideas instead. The reviewers do not have the time for rhetoric. They need direct information since there are thousands of applicants for the scholarship and asking them senseless questions does not help make the essay informative.

Scholarship / Melbourne University Personal Statement for finance: 500 words maximum [3]

The development of your interest in Finance and Investments definitely has a solid and successful foundation. However, the influence of your father in your choice of career is presented in a too simplistic method. Personally, I would use my father as the primary form of influence in the development of my interests, totally avoiding the mention of the YouTuber since his influence cannot be as strong as the personal lessons that your father would have given you. It creates a more personal connection between you, your father, and your course major. It brings the story of his influence on you full circle.

The discussion of the university choice is not as impressive as it can be. It sounds more like you are just enumerating facts you have learned about the course and university instead of having an actual interest in the course through your academic considerations and career path benefits. While these are mentioned in the essay, the simplicity by which is was discussed creates a less than memorable discussion approach. You need to make a mark regarding the choice of university. Something as strong as the insight you provided for your course choice / course considerations.

Scholarship / IISMA 2022 Study Plan: how are we able to find the equilibrium between economic growth, social well- [3]

The presentation is too busy and tries to accomplish too much within the semester that you will be a participant in the program. Since this is a unique international opportunity for you to learn about your course, in a different educational setting, focus on a study plan that will continue to benefit you and show a career path upon your graduation. Being an undergraduate, you will surely be required to write a graduation thesis in your senior year. Think about the possible thesis that you want to write about in that final year of your studies. What will your thesis statement be? How would you approach the research and studies required to respond to the question you will be looking into? Focus on these questions as the specific study area that you will want to learn about during that semester. You may discuss how your pursuit of a solution to a problem or, a response to a question can begin during this semester abroad. Explain how it will be the foundation for your future college thesis. Discuss your desire to integrate the lessons and experiences you will be learning about into your thesis, making it an open - minded, and internationally influenced paper presentation for your graduation. Always think about how the experience will give you a future benefit with specifics. Do not cast too wide a net because that makes the paper lose focus and a solid study plan.

Writing Feedback / THE INFLUENCE OF PHONE CALLS [3]

The discussion format used by the writer is not really well targeted towards the discussion requirement. While there is a need to discuss the reasons why the positives outweigh the negatives, it should not be done in a comparative essay format that uses one paragraph for a positive and one for a negative. Rather, this must be written in the form of a written debate. That means, there are no seperate positive and negative paragraphs. What the examiner will expect to read is the skill by which the writer will turn a negative consideration into a positive aspect. Recall that the requirement is to prove that the positives will outweigh the negatives based on the writer's opinion. Therefore, the "spin" must be in effect with reference to the reasoning development of the writer. Turn the negative into a positive to get the best score in this type of discussion presentation.

Speeches / Your English teacher asks you to make a speech to your classmates to inform them about your team. [2]

Well, the speech itself is engaging and has an excitement that will make the listener want to know more about the group. It fulfills all 3 discussion requirements, providing information without sounding like the speaker is trying to actively recruit members to the group / club. I just hope that the tone of the speaker will be as engaging as the written word once the motivational speech is delivered.

I have one point of grammatical concern though. There is a part in this essay where the word "the" as a connecting word, was omitted by the writer. It created an uneven sentence presentation in the paragraph. When it comes to information about the club, the writer may want to consider mentioning the name of the film that won the award. I know, it does not exist, but the speech is all about being creative anyway, so make up a title and story, along with the actual name of the award that was won from the award giving body. These should help further excite the listener / inform the reader about the club.

Undergraduate / Leadership and problem-solving skills - choosing your program and Waterloo [3]


Based on the succeeding statements, you have chosen to use the incorrect word in this sentence. You do not wish to exhibit your leadership traits. Rather, you have a desire to build, enhance, or develop these traits. Change the reference work to make it more applicable to the rest of the presentation.


Maybe say "desire to develop myself as a strong leader" instead? passion is one thing, but building upon that passion is another. So reflect the ambition to develop yourself as a leader instead.


The reviewer already knows these information, so do not repeat it in the response. What you should do is refer to specific courses, in relation to how you see yourself developing your leadership skills as an undergraduate instead. Do not use general references because the reviewer will not consider those as a part of an actual response from you. Why? You are just repeating information you found out. You can skip this reference without affecting the rest of your statement.

Writing Feedback / Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. [2]



Neither statements provide a direct and correct response to the question. The writer cannot use a response that is not part of the chouices provided by the prompt. This is not a comparative essay, nor is it an extent essay. The writer needs to clearly provide an opinion based on the given question, or risk receiving a failing score due to no clear opinion, based on the guide question, being provided. The misdirection of the response is a clear warning signal that the essay will tend to get a final failing score. The writer did not use the provided keywords for his response, which created a prompt deviation, leading to an incorrect discussion format. He clearly could not make up his mind about which side to support when he was asked to do so. Hence the middle response position that he took. Unfortunately, there was no middle response provided in the discussion, so the writer is considered to not have a clear opinion at all. Respond only based on the provided choices for the discussion. Never make up an unrelated response as that is usually the cause of an immediate failing score.

Research Papers / Does getting a college degree guarantee you will have the career you love? [3]


Any chance that you can find the figures for the number of Americans with a college degree that are working in a career that they actually love? Such a figure in the presentation will make for a natural balance and comparison with regards to simply completing college and having a college degree that led to a lifetime career (career you love).


This is a survey question that should have figures presented in the research paper. The information should be based on a survey that you took, based on a particular audience, that responded to this question in relation to your research paper.


This being the actual thesis statement of the paper, needs to be presented as the final sentence of the previous paragraph instead. Thus creating a dual thesis statement for the presentation, The first being the number of college graduates who ended up in a career they love after completing college, and second, The reasons why the figures do not tally when compared to the reasons why having a degree is not assurance of having a job you will love.

Undergraduate / "Humility is the best teacher" - University of Washington Personal Statement [2]

While the description of your hubris at the start definitely made you a bit of a hateful person, you may want to reconsider that opening statement to reflect the reasons why you studies Japanese instead, since that is the focal point of the discussion. Work the other aspects of your personality into the Japanese discussion instead. Reading this essay from a reviewer's point of view, I can tell you that there needs to be a transition that clears the path for your sudden about face into the discussion of Japanese in the essay. As with any story, the presentation needs to be cohesive for it to make sense to the reader. You could do this by opening with an explanation of why Japanese is a part of your school's course curriculum. Fix that part only because, as far as I can tell, the rest of the essay, in relation to your experience, works just fine.

Writing Feedback / Topic: People struggle with new things in their life [2]

The exam taker shows a clear grammar range and accuracy problem in the first paragraph. He has almost no control over the way the sentences are structured. The information presented in each paragraph is confusing, lacking in sense, and definitely, do not meet the coherence and cohesiveness requirements of the task. While the writer has done his best to express his thoughts in English, the word usage is more akin to that of someone who used an AI X language to English translator. If this is the English writing ability of the author, then he is not prepared to take and pass the IELTS test. His English language expertise is that of a beginner. He is incapable of making himself properly understood in English.

The writer does not have a clear target for each of his discussion topics, making it more difficult to create a connection between the original topic and the writer's discussion / opinion presentation. Truth be told, this is more of a personal experience discussion that would have benefited say, if the writer had discussed a situation where he had to struggle with a particulat adjustment. An example of this would have been his adjustment to online classes from in-person classes during the pandemic or, how he dealt with the lockdown and lack of social interaction during the lockdown period. Both are the most recent, sudden changes that we all experienced differently, and would have made perfect reasons and solutions discussions for this essay.

The writer may be able to control his sentence structures in the future provided he learns to focus his writing based on the prompt requirements. Rather than trying to give a general discussion, using personal experiences are always best. The examiners tend to score these references higher than usual because it shows a personal understanding of the discussion through relevant examples.

Writing Feedback / The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's [2]


Good move identifying the number of charts in the image. However, for clarity needs, you should use 2 additional sentences that seperately identify the image functions. That way the reader will be extremely clear about the information per image. For example, you could have said:

Image 1 has been assigned for figures relating to... While image 2 was used to refer to...

Doing this will allow for a clearer trending paragraph reference as you will be able to refer to seperate image trends, without creating any possible confusion for the reader. By merging the trending statements with the summary overview using a single paragraph, you will be able to create a highly comprehensive summary paragraph for your presentation. It will meet all the checkboxes for a valid task representation.


This is not considered a complete paragraph as it is only composed of 2 sentences. It will not receive a full scoring consideration. A complete paragraph for the IELTS task 1 and 2 require at least 3 sentences, no more than 5. This is an incomplete analysis presentation.

Scholarship / KGS Language Study plan (Hangul) - before and after you come. Remarkable milestone in career path [3]


Good reference. You should take the test again before submitting your application to show that you have continued to enhance your Hangul training. Aim for level 5 this time, although the same level, level 4 will be acceptable. You need a current TOPIK certification in order to get ahead of the competition. The language proficiency carries a great deal of consideration during the review round, provided your results are current.

Balance your interest in the English language learning opportunity with that Hangul. As you will be studying in Korea and will have the chance to expose yourself to studies in both languages, then you must show a keen interest in English as well. Keep in mind that English is still the major business language in the world even as other asian languages are fast catching up to it. I am not saying you should prioritize English proficiency. I am saying that you should work on becoming a master of both languages while the opportunity to do so exists, in a manner that will prove to be beneficial to your occupation in the future.

Writing Feedback / Written a motivational letter for Msc in Electrical Engineering. Check out it once [3]

Paragraphs 2 and 3 are irrelevant to the motivational letter. The writer clearly shows his intention to continue his academic learning in the field of electrical engineering but fails to provide his current and previous professional background as part of his motivational considerations. The writer must make it clear from the very start that his intentions for higher study have a direct relationship with the current quality of his work and future professional progress. The motivation has nothing to do with his personal background. That may be totally skipped in this presentation.


If it matches your previous study but has no relationship with your current skills as acquired through work experience, then this does not make a for a valid statement. The previous study and work relationship always have to go hand in hand as partnered motivating factors.

More importantly, the applicant has not explained why he chose to study at this particular university when there are others that provide the same masters course. What motivated the choice? What made the university stand out? Why this country? How do these appeal to his professional skills training motivations?

Writing Feedback / The internet has greatly increased our access to information [2]


This is an incorrect prompt restatement. The original prompt asks the question "To what extent do you think this is a good thing?" Therefore, the total basis for the prompt restatement + writer's personal opinion is incorrect. It does not reflect the original intentions of the prompt. This task will therefore recieve a failing score due to restatement + opinion inaccuracy. Since the immediate TA score is already failing, it is suffice to say that the overall score for this essay will not be within the passing range.

The writer's inaccurate response to the prompt is the reason why the essay cannot be given a passing score. When asked "To what extent?" the response should be "I agree that this is a good thing to the extent that it provides..." The writer cannot change the discussion instruction from single opinion to comparative as reflected in this presentation. He must learn to identify the differences between single opinion and comparative essay questions / discussion instructions.

Writing Feedback / The diagrams illustrate the renovation works which have been made on a small island for tourism [3]


Take your cue from the original explanation that was provided to you as a reference. The first description indicated 2 maps, note the number of maps provided. Indicate the same in your presentation to remove the guesswork from your presentation. The reader needs to be completely informed within the summary explanation, which includes the number of images provided.


There are a few grammar errors in this presentation. Have should have used the past reference of the word (had). Also, "erection" is singular in form, there are several new edifices erected on the island so the plural form (erections) should have been used.


Two seperate, not seperated. Seperated means that a division was created in the original structure. Since these were built seperately, nothing was divided.

Going through the overall essay, the main problem the student has with the presentation relates to proper word usage and grammar presentation. There is a lack of control over the sentence structures as evidenced by these early, but notable errors. The essay will recieve high deductions specifically in the LR and GRA sections.

Letters / From Germany to Africa - MOTIVATION LETTER FOR A MASTERS DEGREE IN ECONOMICS [2]

Only paragraphs 2,3,5,6, and 7, work for the motivational statement. The rest of the essay is irrelevant to a person who is already well exposed professionally to the world of economics. All masters degree programs, unless otherwise stated, requires a minimum 2 year work exposure in the relevant field. Something that the applicant should make sure to highlight as a part of his motivational reference.

Focus more on the problem that the country faces and that you are concerned with solving. it must be a more expanded discussion in the paragraph. It should not only be a mere reference because the main reason for the masters course pursuit is to help resolve a problem or address a shortcoming in the professional field of the applicant. Focus on a specific problem that you will be concerning yourself with finding solutions to as a masters degree student.

Modify the current presentation. Shorten the current paragraphs to allow a chance to include the reasons for the university choice and (if studying overseas), the country to pursue the masters course in. Make sure that these 2 paragraphs have a strong economic relationship with regards to your choices.

Writing Feedback / Article: Causes of teen depression [3]


Since this is supposed to be a general reference article, it is important that the writer maintain an unbias point of view in the presentation. It is more advisable to use third person pronouns rather than first person pronouns when presenting information in this case. The objectivity of the article has to be clear to the reader, by keeping the personal point of view out of the discussion.


Which has led to what sorts of depression in teens? There are several types of depression that should be indicated in this article based on the degree of studies that have resulted from the basis of body shaming. Try to mention and discuss a few of these depressions.

The essay stopped midstream. There is no reference to solutions, which was indicated as one of the article topics at the start of the presentation. You need to provide additional research to complete the article. The information presented is actually a bit superficial and lacking in professional references, which makes it only a draft and outline rather than an almost complete article.

Writing Feedback / Solid education and technical skills - LETTER OF MOTIVATION FOR GERMANY [3]

Are you applying fo a scholarship to DAAD using this essay? The reason I ask is because the essay does not follow the traditional requirements for a motivation letter, but could be referring to a DAAD or other scholarship application instead. I base this observation on the vast information coverage in this presentation that seem to be providing information to some prompt questions. The lack of identification for the application of the motivation letter is what prevents me from delivering a more targeted review for the letter. I can only provide a general observation for the improvement of this letter.

Consider that the information to be provided is for a motivation letter. A motivation letter is normally used as the cover letter for an application. It provides a summary of the personal statement, statement of purpose, reason for university choice, and reason for studying in a foreign country. These information should be covered in no more than 5 paragraphs. Therefore, this essay has to be intensely edited for content to meet the paragraph and coverage requirements. Focus only on the aforementioned summary information in this paragraph for that editing work. Proper editing and focusing of the letter content will bring it closer to a motivational cover letter for your application. Provided that is, that the letter is not to be used for a DAAD application.

Writing Feedback / The given pie charts depict the proportion of the standard money spent on diverse household expenses [2]


This phrase does not properly inform the reader about the number of charts that have to be dealt with in the report. For clarity ang imagination purposes (always assume the reader cannot see the image), the opening phrase can instead relay the information that "2 pie charts have been provided for analysis. The pie charts represent (image title 1) and (image title 2)." When using this type of singular idea presentation, the writer allows the reader to properly create a mental picture of the information provided.

The rest of the reporting analysis is acceptable and provides clear comparison points from the pie charts. However, the sentence presentations per paragraph need to be better threshed out. Always use the 5 sentence comparison to avoid and mistakes in grammar. A longer presentation also allows for better C+C, LR and GRA scores as the writer is forced to explain himself/herself using varied vocabularies and sentence structure presentations.

Undergraduate / I have written my language study plan for GKS, Go through it once [2]


Make sure to refer the reviewers to the attached TOPIK test certifications for all levels, even if expired. It would be best though, if you can provide a current and valid TOPIK test certification. Passing the test will bring you to the front of the consideration round, resulting in an almost automatic promotion to the next round of considerations. If you can afford to pay for the test fees, then you will do your application a tremendous favor by getting Hangul certified as early as possible.


Although not required, attaching a certification from the company that you are currently employed as a Korean language tutor at the company will definitely help with considering your application and also, show that you are an advanced language user of sorts, leading to a clear idea as to how your study plan has been moving along quite positively and usefully prior to your arrival in Korea.

Writing Feedback / More and more people are opening accounts for social media and online banking purposes [3]

The main question that the essay has to give a direct answer to first, then acceptable reasons for it second, leading to a strong conclusion last is "Do the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?" This is the discussion question that requires the personal opinion of the writer in the form of a thesis statement. This was not responded to in the opinion statement of the writer in the first paragraph. Additionally, the prompt / topic restatement was also altered by the writer, thus creating a totally different discussion presentation for the essay. Such a serious prompt deviation will automatically result in a failing score due to the inability of the writer to properly understand the original prompt, lack of an ability to restate the topic, and a failure to deliver an appropriately formatted discussion opinion at the end.

The reasoning paragraphs do not provide the correct response either. The focus of the reasoning must be on proving either an advantage or disadvantage. This is still a single opinion essay, rather than a comparative analysis. Why? The discussion instruction asks a single question, it does not ask the writer to do a comparative discussion by saying "Compare the advantages and disadvantages". Rather it asks "Is it an advantage or a disadvantage?". The word "or" referring to an option to choose one or the other, but never both sides.

Overall, the essay does not meet the necessary requirements for a passing score even though the writer did his best to present what would have been a fantastic comparative presentation. It is unfortunate that the essay did not require a comparative discussion. If it had been so, then the writer would have passed, instead of failed the test.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart shows percentages of small, medium and large companies which used social media [2]


This is not very clear in meaning. I do not doubt that the confusion in your summary presentation is because you used a run-on sentence for the explanation. Once you learn to write single idea sentences, that relate to one another to create a clear paragraph, you will be able to write more coherent / easily understandable paragraphs. This paragraph will definitely not get a good GRA score due to the confusion it created when providing information to the reader. The reader needs to know:

- What types of media were used?
- What sorts of businessess were involved in the study?
- How were the measurements collected?
- What sort of business purposes were represented by the metric?

These are the single idea sentences that should have been present in the summary overview.

The rest of the paragraphs could have used less run-on sentences for the comparative presentation as well. Write long paragraphs instead. The maximum scoring potential of each paragraph is reached within 3-5 sentences. Try to meet the individual sentence idea, and maximum sentence count per paragraph to get better overall scoring considerations.

Letters / Canadian Study Permit SOP - I was already refused once [2]

From the very start of the letter, I already saw at least 2 strong weaknesses in the presentation. One is academically connected, the other, is related to the family background. These are only the start of the problems with your application.

Academically speaking, since you have already completed one semester online, without any problems, then having you physically present in Canada for studies is proven to be unnecessary. Actuarial studies do not require in person laboratory work, nor formal face to face classes. Having completed a semester means that the online class system works quite well for you and there was no need for you to take a leave for the winter schedule. You should remained enrolled for the winter schedule instead to show that you are truly determined to complete your studies at the University of Calgary.

Next, since your parents are financially well placed, there is no reason for the consul or visa officer to believe that you will have to go back to India to financially care for your parents or your younger brother. Truth be told, there are no references to any strong ties to India on your part at this point. Rather, everything points to things being dobtful, yet again, about your intentions to return to India.

The lack of compelling career plans, intentions to return to India during school breaks, a chance at an internship in India, or anything that shows a clear career path, or ties to your home country are sorely missing from this application letter.

Scholarship / Essay on Scholarship Contribution to Human Resource Development Needs [2]


All you did was provide your work background, which is a good basis for the response, but you provided a non-answer to the main question regarding how the HRD will be helped by your studies. The response provided is generalized. It does not contain any specific applications wherein your studies can be applied. It refers instead, to a summarized form of your expectations in relation to what you hope to learn. That is not the question so the response you provided is unacceptable. You need to clearly explain how you will apply what you will be learning to the human resources department of USAID in your country. There is no clear application for this provided in the final part of your response.

Scholarship / Aastha means faith - KGSP Personal Statement Graduate [3]

The grammar is the main problem with this essay. It is too confusing to read at the writer does not have any proper control over the academic formatting of his sentence presentations. There are missing punctuation marks, improper references, and mostly, difficult to understand references within the essay. The writer needs to hire a professional editor to clean up the essay to make it more competitive for the GKS program. It is simply not going to be considerable during the screening round in this format and presentation style.

When discussing the family, try to include the influences of your family members in your life. You must use them as character references and role models to show that you are a person of good moral character, as taught and inspired by your parents.

When discussing the achievements you have made, it is best to focus on the competitions that you won, rather than the ones you just participated in. The main target is to show that you are a highly qualified candidate based on your accomplishments. Merely participating but not winning means nothing in this highly competitive scholarship.

Graduate / International Relations_Personal Statement_GKS_GRADUATE [2]

This is an interesting personal statement but, it does not reflect the total personal statement considerations for the GKS program. It is highly obvious that you have written this personal statement without consideration the prompts that accompany the application packet when you download it. Kindly refer to the application packet for the guide questions for the motivational statement / personal statement, then adjust the content of your essay accordingly. I can tell you right off the bat, your first few paragraphs are irrelevant to the consideration of the embassy reviewers.

More than 50% if this essay is actually not part of the application consideration as required by the reviewers. You will have to write a totally new essay rather than try to revise this version because of the degree of irrelevance it contains. Read the application packet, respond to the guide questions, then come back here for a second review. I might be able to better direct your essay once you have given the correct responses to the guide questions.

Writing Feedback / Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms [2]


While this is an interesting opinion, it should not be placed at the opening part of the prompt restatement. It should instead, be integrated into your personal opinion presentation. The first 2-3 sentences of the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph must reflect only the provided discussion points. The writer's opinion, or the basis of the thesis statement, can come in the last 2 sentences.


This is a totally unnecessary repetition of the discussion instruction which will not receive a score. Once you have restated the 2 public opinions, all that is left is for you to provide your personal opinion. The examiner already knows the discussion instructions and does not need to be reminded of it. Rather, he would like to hear your opinion and thesis statement as a part of the personal opinion clarity scoring consideration.



While these lead in phrases are acceptable, the fact that you failed to reflect that the presentation is based on the public opinion / reasoning considerations mislead the reader. The indication is that, rather than providing a comparative public discussion first, then your personal opinion last, the totality of the reasoning paragraph is based solely on your personal opinion for both sides. The discussion is to be based on the public reasoning consideration, as reflected by the use of the correct 3rd person / group pronouns. This will then be followed by the first person singular pronoun reflection for your opinion paragraph.


The summary conclusion is not effective as it merely continues the incorrect discussion format. The final paragraph is known as the summary conclusion for a reason. It is to represent the summarized form of the reasoning discussion, with a quick reference to the original topic sentence and writer's opinion.

While the writer shows a general understanding of the topic, the error in response formatting is the biggest problem that will adversely affect the final score of this essay in an actual setting.

Scholarship / Study Plan to improve Foreign Languages (Korea and English degree course) before and after you come [5]

It is not advisable to use this outline form for your language study plan presentation. The reviewers will be assessing your conversational language abilities in written form. Therefore, the information must be presented in coherent and cohesive paragraph formations. The presentation only reflects ideas, but does not reveal much about your pre and post study processes at all.


This is not language related so you can remove this mention in totality when you write the study plan in essay form.

You do not need to respond to the "Why?" question in this essay because it is already obvious why you will be studying English and Hangul as a Korean student. The reviewer wants to know the "how" instead to show the seriousness of your application. The more familiar with Hangul you are, prior to coming to Korea, the more you can prove this by showing even a low scoring TOPIK certification from a testing center in your home country, the better it will be for your application.

What is missing from this essay is actually how you plan to improve your English language skills prior and upon arrival to Korea. These are the 2 mandatory languages that you need to be fluent in or at least, have a working knowledge of the language , upon your arrival in Korea. Being a foreign student in a strange country, you will have the opportunity to improve both language skills during the first year of your stay. Try to highlight both languages in your learning path if you can.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Preserving traditional culture or not. We should not ignore it. [2]

The most glaring error in this task presentation is the first paragraph. The simple prompt restatement (2 sentences for 2 opinions) + personal opinion (one sentence) is not represented in the format required. The writer made the mistake of immediately discussing his personal opinion in this paragraph so this preliminary scoring aspect will definitely receive a failing score. This error alone is enough to fail the total essay, regardless of how well developed the next paragraphs are. The writer has shown a lack of understanding of the task requirements and the requirement for the presentation.

The total essay is based on the writer's opinion of the 2 points of view alone. The examiner is looking for the explanation / discussion of the validity of each public opinion based upon proper pronoun usage. So the reasoning paragraphs will be scored, but the overall essay will be considered under develeoped due to the improper discussion development, based on the multiple point of view format. Again, the essay will not receive passing marks based on this presentation.

The concluding summary is non-existent in this essay. Rather than a summarized discussion presentation, the writer continued to discuss reasons in the last paragraph. Which means, the essay does not have a chance of getting a passing score due to improper discussion presentations, missing references, and an inaccurate summary presentation.

Letters / Recommendation letter from principal for undergraduate [2]

The letter needs to be professionally written by a writer who can use this as the actual basis of a professional sounding letter of recommendation. One that actually focuses solely on the academic and student community character of the student. This letter sounds too much like the student actually wrote the letter. It does not sound professional at all. It should at the very least, be using college level English and use professional / educator type words for the recommendation. This was not written by a grade school principal at all.

The information provided must first introduce the principal, how many years the principal has known the student, then discuss the character of the student in a manner that is important to the type of high school the student is applying to. None of these requirements were met by the current presentation. It is too unprofessional to have been written by a well educated, college graduate school principal. He would be highly educated and definitely know how to write a proper recommendation letter since he will at least have an MA in education at this point. Something this writer obviously does not have, achieve, or acquire.

Writing Feedback / Cambridge IELTS 10 Writing Task 1 - Sales of fairtrade-labelled bananas and coffee [3]


The writer used the correct term in the sense that the plural form of the singular word "table" was used. However, by not indicating the number of tables involved in the presentation (There are 2 tables presented), a lack of clarity was formed in the sentence presentation. The reader must immediately know how many images are presented, and what each table represents in order to create a proper mental picture of the reporting basis.


This should have been presented as a second paragraph. This is necessary in order to seperate the image information from the rest of the information presentation. Since this is the yearly coverage reference, it needs its own sentence presentation. Again, this is for clarity purposes. Each sentence must contain only 1 thought presentation in order to achieve the required sentence clarity in every paragraph.


Good work. This trending sentence is well placed. However, it failed to present the value of money used for the measurement (millions). So, why it is good and clear, it needed another bit of highlighted information to complete the summary.


Is this the first or second image? Clarify and use the table title as reference. This is to be presented in the singular form of tables as well since there is only one image for coffee and another for bananas.

For a clear comparison analysis and report, both reporting paragraphs must refer to the image that it is anchored to. Good work with the report though. It is acceptable and will get a passing mark. It would have gotten a better score if my observations above were corrected prior to submission for scoring.

Scholarship / Studying hanguel - I am writing this laguage study plan for gks [3]

Believe me when I tell you that you should not be making any claims as to English proficiency whether it be spoken or written because, this essay is the only proof that the reviewer needs to realize that you are lying about that aspect of the presentation. It is horribly written in English and contains bad grammar, improper sentence structure, and do not even get me started on the improper word usage.

My suggestion, is that if you are truly fluent enough in Hangul, then please, do yourself a favor and write this essay in fluent Hangul instead. It is the only chance you will have to show the reviewer that you actually have some sort of proficiency in at least one of the two languages. If you are not confident that you can write the whole essay in Hangul either, then please, hire a professional writer to clean up this mess of an essay. Trust me, you need professional help to improve this presentation. The problems in this presentation cannot be fixed / corrected using a free service. Do not worry about anybody copying your work. They would be fools to do so since this type of writing will not make it past the screening and assessment round.

I was going to suggest making a reference to taking language proficiency certification tests, which are a considerable part of the assessment process but, based on what I have read here, you are not prepared to take any sort of language proficiency test.

Writing Feedback / IELTS C13 T2 - The statistics in percentage of households regarding their forms of accommodation [2]


Good work on advanced English word usage. This is definitely an impressive college level English word that will catch the eye of the examiner, causing an increased consideration in your LR score. It shows that you are addressing a professional audience whose knowledge of English is at par with that advanced academic degree holders.


There is no such word in the English language. These is the the plural form of the singular reference "this". Ooops. While you will receive increased marks in the LR score, you will also receive a minimal deduction for this word usage error.

Basically, you show a very good analysis of the image presentation. The problem, is mainly in the way you form the sentences in the paragraphs. The way you have the sentences presented are too busy. You try to compress too much information in a single sentence presentation, causing a confusing and difficult to follow analysis. As a general rule, you can use only one thought / idea in every sentence presentation. The essay is too long because of the over analysis. This means, you may not have enough time to complete a simple analysis, are required, within the 20 minute time allottment.

Always remember, run-on sentences force grammar errors and, when faced with only 20 minutes, an overview analysis and comparison will work best. It is best to analyze the obvious, but not too deeply since this is not a class report and analysis paper. It is only a test to prove that you are capable of producing simple analysis papers. Keep it at at least 175 words, but no more than 200.

Graduate / Management and leadership - PERSONAL STATEMENT GKS GRADUATE - MBA [6]


Since this is the foundation of your motivation to go into a management career, the exposure you had during this time must be exemplified in the statement. What basics did you learn and why were these important and useful to your position? Would you say that the experience was impressive enough to truly make you want to become a business leader / professional? What specific experience led to the decision to purse this in college?


Too general a statement. You need to be more specific. Use the guide questions above to help you achieve the needed clarity and direction in the paragraph presentation.


I am not confident that this is necessary to the presentation since accounting is a totally different field of business. You are focused on management skills development, which is not related to accounting and finance development. These are two independent business skill areas.

Writing Feedback / It's better for students to gain real experience than to spend their time in classroom. Agree or not [3]


Review the original prompt. There is no debate being presented. There are no 2 sides to the discussion presented either. There is only 1 opinion provided upon which your personal opinion should be based. The restatement is inaccurate as it shows a discussion not part of the original presentation.


This is not an "extent" essay, the opinion statement is again, incorrect. This is a single opinion, full (dis)agreement opinion presentation.


Incorrect yet again. This is a single opinion essay. It is not a comparative essay because of the lack of "compare and contrast" instruction. The discussion / reasoning focus is only on the support for the writer's idea, which is based on a "full" rather than "extent" response to the question.

Overall, the essays fails to address the prompt and question within the expected format and discussion considerations. The essay is not within a passing score consideration.

Letters / EPOG Scholarship sustainability consultant motivation letter. [2]


You have chosen 2 areas of study here. A major and a minor, both related somehow to your current profession and future career plans. A clear motivation for each subject should be indicated. By declaring the motivation for each, the consortium will garner a clearer idea of your expectations regarding your studies and potential career paths. Try to differentiate between motivations so the people considering your application will be more conscious of your individual motivations. While a collective motivation will work, seperate ideas generally tend to allow for a greater consideration chance during the review process. Make sure that the 2 individualized motivations are cohesive to ensure a solid motivational structure.


Having presented the complex problem you wish to solve, offer a solution that you have theoretically developed in this paragraph. Though this may not be the actual solution or line of research you will be undertaking, you will be able to show the consortium that your clearly understand what the courses are about and how your studies will result in a potential to develop an international ecological problem. This will act as your problem-solution motivation discussion focus for the essay.

Undergraduate / Fashion School in NYC Essay - AMC (Advertising, Marketing Communications Major) [3]

It is admirable that you are able to second guess what the admissions committee members will be looking for, simply by your research and imitation of the various other application essays available online. It is impressive that you know exactly what type of perfection you have created in your presentation, that your mind is now closed to any other suggestions for improvement, apart from what you DEMAND that the trained professionals and members of this forum review for you. It is fantastic that you do not need the help of the professionals , or anyone else, at this forum.

It is also, quite unfortunate that your DEMANDS fall under our paid services. As such, no review can be provided for your essay based on your DEMANDS anymore. Due the public post being a free service, the OP does not get to pick what kind of review will be provided. If you want that, then you have to pay for a private review.

Not to worry though, you know exactly what sort of presentation will get you into FIT anyway. You do not need the help of the consultants nor the members of this forum at all. You are set in your ways. So it is preposterous and useless to ask for help from us. You have no place here. This is a forum for those who doubt their capacity to properly develop their essays and students who actually want help with their application essays.

Writing Feedback / The essay is about the causes and solutions of food waste. [2]


Do not provide a direct opinion in the first sentence of the prompt paraphrase. There are only 3 sentences required here, none of which require a topic redirection statement like this one. Just provide:

- An accurate topic restatement
- 2 related causes summaries
- 2 related solution summaries

These are sentence presentations are what will directly respond to the task requirements and provide an acceptable preliminary score for the discussion essay.



Since the 2 reasoning paragraphs are focused on 2 different discussion questions, the comparative opening phrases you chose to use are not applicable to the text that has been written. Rather, use introductory sentences that clearly state what the topic of discussion will be for the paragraph. That way, the coherence and cohesiveness of the paragraph is strongly established at the start of the presentation. The discussion format will then be correct.


Due to the time limit on your writing test, start with the topic sentence instead. The word fillers will only force unexpcted errors and/or result in deductions related to various errors in the written presentation.


You need at least 40 words in this paragraph. Do not cut corners. For scoring sake, summarize the solutions a 2nd time, as required of the summary conclusion paragraph.

Writing Feedback / It is believed that daredevil sports, such as skydiving or skiing, should be restricted [4]


The question was "To what extent?". A simple disagreement does not suit the question response. The format for the presentation must state the strength by which the writer believes in his personal opinion. Is it an unwavering belief? A strong disagreement?A vehement opposition? That is the "extent" of your response. Good work on the preliminary reason presentation though. You clearly showed an understanding of the topic and its related discussion point (s).

The essay will be considered under explained. The first reasoning paragraph is not related to the writer's opinion whereas the second paragraph, clearly supports his opinion. So the previous paragraph will not receieve a score due to irrelevance. The second paragraph is well developed, but needs another supporting reason to show that the writer has the ability to present a cohesive discussion, which, right now, is missing due to the unrelated first paragraph discussion.


The writer's strength of conviction is missing again. That has to be restated in the conclusion as a part of the summary recap.