Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: tax for junk food and education to consume healthy products [5]

I would like to share my essay, your critical statement makes my essay better than before, thanks anyway

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Up to the present time, enlarged consumption of junk food is one of the biggest problems around the world. Resultantly, some officials have formulated regulation to reduce the rate of this problem. For instance, the companies serving unhealthy food must pay more expensive tax for selling junk food. From my perspective, I strongly agree this statement.

In the first reason, education of healthy food is absolutely important because when children have proper education about food, they would certainly avoid unhealthy food affecting various diseases. Therefore, the officials should produce health ads to promote excellent health with the right food or they could put up posters about the dangers of consuming fast food each school. Moreover, by using tax revenue, government could allocate funds to educate kids about the quality food.

In the other reason, increasing taxes for fast food companies would push up the price of this food and lower people consuming it. High price of junk food would lead people being not able to afford this food. Therefore unhealthy food would be luxury item to be consumed because the food is too costly and most people are not able to buy it. For example, the cost of fancy food in restaurant is extremely costly for most people, so few of population can buy it regularly. Moreover, people would move to eat healthy food which is more inexpensive than junk food.

In conclusion, the regulation to tax junk food higher is appropriate steps because it can add the cost for healthy education for children and also cause the price of food to be too expensive. I would like to suggest that governments should apply this rule consistently for better live in the future.(283 words)

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS: Children with Obesity (Cause and Effect) [3]

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.
Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

The rate of childhood obesity has become one important issue around the world especially in western hemisphere. In addition to, the growing of this problem has gone up about 20% in the last decade. There is no doubt that the main causes of childhood obesity are an unhealthy diet and lack of physical activity. Thus, this affects the rising children suffering from diseases caused by obesity.

It is clear that the lifestyle changes combined with the junk food advertisements have changed the way children consume. The study showed 1 in 5 age-school children in western countries eats up to six snacks a day. In the other point, watching television, playing computer game, or using social media is the other matter making children very prone to obese disease. The recent study presents that some children have spent their time for doing passive activities up to 7.5 hours a day. As a result, children would obtain more calories than their body needs owing to these causes.

Consequently, children with obesity are at increased risk of acute and chronic medical problems for instance diabetes mellitus, heart disease, cholesterol, and other chronic illnesses. In addition, childhood obesity also has psychosocial consequences such as low self-esteem and depression. Based on current study, obese children would have a similar quality of life as kids with cancer. Hence, these problems are also related to decreased life expectancy.

In conclusion, the rate of obese children in western society has risen up to 20% in this decade. This is caused by many reasons such as consuming fast food too much and doing more passive activities. Therefore, children with obesity would easily suffer a lot of chronic diseases and damaging psychosocial effects. (282 words)

Writing Feedback / The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions [4]

The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The bar graph illustrates data on people 65 years old in 1985 and prediction in 2035. Overall, it can be seen that Wales was a country getting the highest old-people population in 1985 whereas North Ireland was the lowest population in the Great Britain.

In 1985, the percentage of old-people in Wales was around 16 percent of common people of this nation and higher than England, the second highest population of people over 65s, was approximately 15 percent. However, Scotland and North Ireland were the lowest (about 14 % and 13% respectively). In addition to, the average of aged 65s people in four countries was 15 percent of the whole populace.

Based on the calculation of data, Wales will still become the highest proportion of people over 65s in UK (approximately 27%) and will be followed by Scotland about 25 percent. Interestingly, England will be the lowest percentage of old-people population similar to North Ireland (around 23 percent). Additionally, the mean of people over 65s in UK, which is predicted, will increase from 15 in 1985 percent to 23 percent of total populace in 2035. (184 words)

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  the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035
  

Writing Feedback / The percentage of individuals holding on science categories in Malaysia and Singapore [3]

The chart below gives information about science qualifications held by people in two countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The bar graph shows the percentage of individuals holding on science categories in Malaysia and Singapore. Overall, Malaysian in school leaving exams and no qualification in science are higher than Singaporean whereas in bachelor's degree, Singaporean are higher than Malaysian. In addition, both Malaysian and Singaporean in master's degree are the least percentage of these qualifications.

In terms of no science qualification at all, people in Malaysia hold around 65% on this as opposed to exactly 60% of people in Singapore. In addition to, 35% Malaysian are with school leaving exams whereas the number of Singaporean is 5% lower.

On the other hand, there is a significant difference in the percentage of people having science qualification of fresh graduated degree between two countries, while the proportion of Singaporean is higher than that of Malaysian (approximately 20% and 10% respectively). Interestingly, both of the people in Malaysia and Singapore holding qualification of master's degree level are less than 5 percent of total population in two countries. (165 words)

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  science qualification in two countries
  

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS: Increasing Pollution Caused by Private Cars (Solution) [3]

As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities.
What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

Up to the present time, the number of people driving private vehicles showed a dramatic rise. This has caused the environmental problems such as exhausted fumes of cars hampering life in urban areas. From my perspective, there are many factors that are required to develop evenly solving air contamination issue. In addition to, the government should ameliorate the situation.

One potential solution of this problem is that the government should encourage car manufacturers to produce friendly-fueled transportations such as electric cars. For instance, for the past few decades, the government of China has offered monetary incentives to car manufacturers for each electric car they produce. Recent study showed that in Europe and in Asia, electric vehicles have grown in popularity. Therefore, all electric cars will help to reduce exhaust.

In the other solution, the government should concentrate to maintain the comfortably public transportation with cost less expensive than using a private car. Recent survey showed that two in three people in London have been using public transportation because the cost of public transportation is more inexpensive than driving a private car. In addition to, the British government has used the system since the twentieth century to restrict the number of private vehicles in the cities during the rush hours. Hence, this is all part of an effort to decrease greenhouses gases emitted from personal vehicles.

In conclusion, the increasing of private cars harms the social environment by its encouragement to the higher level of pollution. In this case, the government, one of the policy makers, should be relied on, as the problem solver. (262 words)

Writing Feedback / Examples how to make good introduction for writing task 2 [2]

below are examples how to make introduction for writing task 2:

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
In the meantime, with the rise of global trade, some products used as daily needs are manufactured in other countries. In addition to, these products must be carried from long farness. Therefore, there are several advantages of this issue.

2. In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion
In the present time, child labours are not uncommon matter in some countries because some people have a certain view that children since early stage have to need an experience of working to help their future. In contrast, others assume children should be in schools and do not need to work before graduating their study. From my perspective, there are several main differences from pros and cons.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the few decades, a voluntary program is not uncommon issue around the world. Some countries even include this program in an extracurricular of high schools. With the result, students have responsibility to be social worker or sports teacher for young kids. In this case, I totally agree with this statement because of several reasons.

Writing Feedback / Summary: The law of 33% (Tai Lopez) [3]

Each person will have a good life nevertheless some will not get it. It is because they do not a personal trainer in their life. Having a mentor is very important in our life because a mentor can help people to recognize their problems and opportunities. Tai Lopez, an entrepreneur, an investor, and a trainer, said there are several ways to get good life.

The first is doing mentor rules. You should divide your time in three categories of people: people are lower than you, people are same as you, and people are ahead of you. The second is being a humble and perseverance person. The third is you must toughen up and the last is you must read more books because most of the famous people had a library in their house. (133 words)

youtube.com/watch?v=7bB_fVDlvhc

Writing Feedback / Individuals are too limited to make a difference in the environmental development [2]

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only large companies and businesses can make a difference.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe the main cause of environmental development is specifically addressed in the big manufacturers, whereas individuals are too limited to make difference from this case. While the large business could produce several technologies having many benefits for better lives, I would tend to argue against such nation because humans with their social behavior could change the conditions to be exceptional as well.

Admittedly, many industries have produced devices in large numbers encouraging the improvement in urban and rural areas. This is because the big companies have power to manufacture massively innovations which could keep conditions to be more peaceful and healthier. A case in point, for few decades, many factories have improved technologies with exhaust fumes such as gas-fueled cars becoming electric vehicles more friendly. As a result, the air pollution problems could be unconsciously solved because of these innovations.

On the other hand, if people do not have responsibility to keep and develop their circumstances, the situation will not be finer. This is because people's behavior is the main cause whether the environment will be friendly or not. For instance, in the recent time, the bad habit of people such as throwing rubbish everywhere could not be solved by others except themselves. It is clear that the development of surroundings depends on the people's habits.

To sum up, it should be realized that people also engage in environmental impacts, whereas more effects of the improving circumstances is a consequence of the large businesses. Thus, governments, companies, and people collaborate to create the better situation in the future.

(260 words)

Writing Feedback / People who decide to have kids should better cogitate on how they can meet their children's needs [3]

There is an increasing trend around the world to have a small family rather than a large family
What are some of the benefits and drawback of having a small family rather than a large family?

Up to present time, the small family issue always has pros and cons. People with nuclear family propose notable advantages for children such as good education and for parents like little strain of family budgets. However, this subject has disadvantages, as well, such as making kids egoistic and parents worry about their future.

Admittedly, smaller families could give more attention for their kids. Child without siblings can perform better in their study. A case in point, according to UNESCO data, in few decades, about 7.39 million children in developing countries are dropouts in school and majority of them are from large families. Therefore, the small families have chance more to encourage their kids' education than the big family. Another key point, parents of a small family will see less pressure on budgets. Thus, they could meet their family's necessity easily and could buy quality products.

On the other hand, unconsciously, children of small families look selfish and arrogant because they do not learn the way to share with others in their home. It is supported by study in the recent time that more than 1,500 children without siblings tend lacking consideration for others. In addition to, parents of small families will face many problems in their future. It is because when they get old and require help, they do not have enough kids to take care of them.

To sum up, it is clear that people with small number of families would provide many benefits, whereas the drawbacks must be considered. I would like to suggest people who decide to have children that they should better cogitate how they can meet their children's needs.

(274 words)

Writing Feedback / Although constructed with a simple technology, the wind turbine can generate much electricity [2]

The diagrams illustrate a design of the wind turbine and the suitable place where it can be set. In general, although it is constructed with a simple technology, the machine can generate much electricity effectively depending on its place.

The construction consists of a steel tower as cantilever and blades from wood or fiberglass spinning because of wind. It is also equipped by a wind sensor sending wind speed and direction to computer which will move blades according to wind direction in the right angel to produce maximum energy. Another main component is generator generating electricity up to 1.5 megawatts whereas it can only produce 100 kilowatts for domestic turbine.

The turbine can be established at low landscape such as at sea floor. Thus, the benefit of this place is not spoiled. However, to get optimal wind strength, the turbine should better be set on the higher place like the top of a hill. This is because the higher its location is located, the stronger wind blows and the more electricity can be generated.

(174 words)

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  the process of wind turbine
  

Writing Feedback / Summary: More Young Americans Live with Parents Than With Lovers [4]

In the meantime, many young people prefer living with their immediate family. According to recent research of the Pew Research Center in 2014, 32.1% of Americans aged 18 to 34 years old were living with one or both parents, compared to 31.6% living with a spouse or a romantic partner. The result of an increase in young Americans living with their parents reached a peak at 35% in 1940. In 1960, the portion of young persons living with a partner peaked at 62% but the same year the share living with parents dropped significantly at about 20%. Interestingly, Living with mom and dad has increased more every year. This is owing to numerous factors such as people choosing to get married later and a drop economic prospect for young men. The study showed the employment of men saw a dramatic decrease from 84% in 1960 to 71% in 2014, compared to young women for whom economic prospects have improved in the last 50 years.

(164 words)

Writing Feedback / Dinner makes a difference - summary [3]

According to a recent Kaiser Family Foundation study, kids are spending, on average 7.5 hours a day on some form an electronic device and it does not include the time that they are texting. Thus, people may live under one roof, but parents are leading separate lives, in separate rooms, on separate computers, watching separate televisions, and eating separate meals. This leads to no family gathering anymore that could be found. Laurie David told about her experience with her two-teenage daughters. Like young general people, they spent their time by their smartphone. One day, Laurie realized that the ritual of family dinner was truly transforming and producing kids who ate a whole range of good food. The family dinner also provided immediate a safe, predictable, cozy time every day for people to purposely be a family.

(136 words)
Laurie David TEDx Manhattan

source: youtube.com/watch?v=GzB0BDstCI0

Writing Feedback / Summary: What's wrong with our food system? [4]

Birke Baehr, 11 years old, talked about what is wrong with people's food system. To begin with, kids are easily led to believe all the marketing and advertising of junk food on TV, at public schools and pretty much everywhere else. They are drawn by colorful packaging and plastic toys, whereas they do not know the origin of the food. Baehr discovered the dark side of the industrialized food system. This genetically engineered seeds and organisms. That is when a seed is manipulated in a laboratory to do something not intended by nature. The food they produce has been proven to cause cancer and other problems in lab animals, and people have been eating food produced this way since the 1990s. On the other hand, many farmers still use natural system of farming. For instance, Joel Salatin, a lunatic farmer, does not use any pesticides, herbicides, or genetically modified seeds. And so for that, he is called crazy by the system.

(161 words)
-BIRKE BAEHR-

Writing Feedback / Rita Pierson: Every kid needs a champion [3]

Creating bond with all students and encouraging them growth no matter what level they are at are the most important points that must be owned by every single teacher. Rita Pierson, an educator and counselor, says that teachers must never get up on their students because even if kids are totally deficient in their education, they still take a chance. By having a strong role model in their lives that always encourages them to keep going and themselves never give up, students also learn to never give up. Pierson also recognized the importance of a strong relationship between teachers and students as it helps kids feel like they are somebody, even if they think that they are not. In any relationships, coach and athlete, parent and child, or friend and friend, the reasons why strong and healthy relationships are important are the same. All in all, it is clear that healthy human connections are vital for learning to be a better individual.

(162 words)

source:youtube.com/watch?v=SFnMTHhKdkw