Writing Feedback / Bigger benefits of learning a new language in primary school instead of waiting until middle school? [2]

exposing to a second language early

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

According to some scientists, children should start exposing to a second language when they are still in primary school, rather than in middle school. In my opinion, this suggestion offers more benefits than drawbacks.

To begin with, getting children expose to a new language from the age 6 to 10 can help them readily be absorbed the language. This statement is completely true because there was a scientific proof from Rutger University in New Jersey which also indicated that the earlier a child get into a second language, the better grasp for that language of them in their later life. In addition to that, this research also claimed that multilingual youngsters were more likely to be more intelligent than those who were monolingual due to the minor differences in their brain structures. Thus, children should learn another language the sooner the better.

Another positive impact is that when a youngster learn a foreign language at early a age, he or she can obtain big advantages in their adult life. Nowadays, numerous companies prefer employing employees who know more than one language, thus those candidates will be much more priviledged since they will be placed in important positions in a company. Therefore, these individuals have opportunites to earn high salary about two thousand dollars per month. Moreover, people who can speak various languages can travel anywhere in the world without facing language barrier.

In conclusion, it is said that children ought to learn a second language in elementary school instead of waiting until secondary school. I believe the pros of this obviously outweigh the cons because of its major benefits.

I am going to take the IELTS soon and I transfered this essay from my written paper. Please give me a band score about this one. Any suggestions will be highly appreciated. Thank you.

Writing Feedback / Writing ielts task 1: Developments in the town of Lakeside [3]

The question is in the picture.

This is my first attempt to this kind of IELTS writing task 1, which is known as describing map. Therefore my essay was really cumbersome in some extent. I wanna ask, how do you usually approach to this kind of question? Any value answer or feedback is appreciative.

Writing

The two given pictures display the development of a town in Lakeside from 2000 to 2009.

As can be seen clearly from these pictures, the town has undergone a significant change in most features, except for school, river and Northwestern residential area.

In 2000, there were Derelic Warehouse and Old Town located to the west of the lake. Nine years later, while the lake was replaced by pond, Derelic warehouse and Old Town were made place to Car park and Office and University respectively.

Prior to the advent of the shopping center in 2009 on the southwest of the map, there was a residential area there nine years ago. Opposite to the shopping center in the Northside was a cinema, which was a replacement for the previous art center of the year 2000. Finally, the most noticeable change was the removal of the south residential area. It was eliminated to make more space for the Industrial complex expansion in 2009.

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Writing Feedback / Budget allocation for children's sports and the number of children playing sports [2]

monthly spend on children's sports

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The first line graph demonstrates the expenditure on adolescent's sporting activities monthly by British parents during the 2008-2014 period, whereas the second one indicates the number of young children taking part in three sports, namely football, athletics and swimming during the aforementioned period.

As can be seen clearly from these given charts, the amount of money utilized for sports tend to increase gradually throughout the years. In addition, football and athletics remained unchanged during the 2008 - 2010 period and 2012 - 2014 period.

To start with the first graph, parents spent 20 pounds per month for their children's sports in 2008 per month. After that, there was a growth in the amount of monetary spending by 5 pounds to 25 pounds in the next two years, which led to another rise to roughly 27 pounds every month in 2012. Finally, the budget for juvenile's sports reached over 30 pounds per month in 2014.

Moving to the second graph, the number of teenagers engaging in football and athletics leveled off from 2008 to 2010, with over 7,5 million children and about 1 million children respectively. While athletics witnessed an escalation to 5 million children playing in 2010, football underwent a slight increase to 8 million teenage children taking part in simultaneously. Both aforementioned datas remained stable in the last two years of the period. As for the swimming figure, there was a gradual upward from 2008 to 2014, from below 2,5 million juveniles to approximately 3 million juveniles.

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Writing Feedback / Should gay marriage be allowed? The controversial topic. [2]

Topic: The issue of gay marriage remains controversial. Some people think that this trend has adverse effects on the society while others believe that it is seen as a natural trend and right for people to choose this type of marriage. Should gay marriage be legal?

gay marriage causes a controversy among people

The topic of whether two people who have the same gender can be married arises a contentious debate among the public. Some people opine this tendency will result in a negative impact on the society whereas others claim that people should have the rights to choose their partner regardless of sex. In my opinion, governments should allow gay marriage.

There are several reasons why same-sex marriage should be available nowadays. First and foremost, this is the 21st century, which is known as an era of freedom. Therefore some social norms from the past can be irrelevant, such as there is only a romantic relationship between men and women, so people should not be too conservative about it. Secondly, legalizing homosexual marriage enables gay couples to live under one roof, so that they will be happier and they can be themselves without being someone else.

Furthermore, there are more cons than pros when banning gay marriage. If an individual cannot love their lover because he or she has the same sexual-orientation, then they will be forced to marry another sex partner whom they do not enjoy. Consequentially, gay people have an unhappy life, and it can suffer them and their unloved partner afterward. Another problem is that when homosexual marriage has not been officially recognized, gay people are still continued to be judged critically by the public. This act can lead gay people to depression and other mental issues, and even in the worst scenarios, they will choose death as a way to escape for themselves.

In conclusion, gay marriage causes a controversy among people these days. However, the act of legalizing identical sex marriage should be encouraged by the governments for wider benefits.

Writing Feedback / People cannot eliminate the habit of smoking [5]

benefits and difficulties of smoking cessation

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit.
What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?
Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is widely known that smoking has a negative impact on health, but for some reasons, people fail to get rid of this bad habit. Trying to be cool and loosening control of cigarette purchases are identified as the major reasons. Therefore, imposing taxes and money punishment in public places from government are introduced to address the issue.

To start with, a majority of people smoke to impress others. This act can readily be found in teenagers these days, as they are usually influenced by other bad-influential peers. As a result, those naughty adolescents will begin getting access to cancer sticks from strangers to make themselves more awesome. Another reason is that tobacco prices are still affordable, compared to people's income. Therefore, they can still obtain cigarettes with a very low-cost amount of money.

Governments should implement a long-term comprehensive legislation in order to combat against smoking. Raising taxes in cigarettes businesses is the first introduced suggestion because the cost of purchasing a cancer stick will be astronomical, so people are less likely to get it. The second solution is money penalization when catching an individual smoking in public. This method has been available in Singapore for many years, and it works effectively on the ground of its citizens' fear of being caught smoking. All in all, it is up to the local authorities to mitigate the issue of smoking.

In conclusion, there are two causes of people continuing to smoke, which are coolness and the facilitation of getting a cigarette product. Implementing high taxes and money fining are unveiled to tackle the problem.

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS: Adolescents have fewer responsibilites, is this a good thing or a bad thing? [8]

more time for kids' leisure and play

In the present era, children are found to have fewer responsibilities than they were in the past. Some people consider this a positive development, however, others believe this to be a negative trend.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Writing

There is a contentious debate among the public about whether youngsters nowadays giving fewer duties is a bright side or a negativity. This essay will reveal both views of this statement and I shall give my own opinion later.

To begin with, fewer responsibilities on the shoulder of teenagers helps them have more times to develop themselves. In the past, making ends meet was really a struggle, so besides academic path, adolescents had to take on various tasks given by their parents, such as taking care of younger children and supporting their family financially. As a result, they barely had free time for themselves. In contrast, teenage children these days are more advantageous as some of the obligation burdens on them has been reduced, therefore they will have more leisure time to focus on studying, as well as playing. All in all, teenagers in the present own more time for their personal desires.

However, when juveniles are given fewer obligations, there causes a negative inclination. There is a term "entitled generation" used by adults to refer current teenagers are too lazy and dependent. Some wealthy family does hire housewives to do all the household chores, and this act totally hinders the independent ability of a teenage child. Consequently, those granted children are more likely to have trouble with dealing up social circumstances in their adult life.

Personally, despite the aforementioned shortcomings of this tendency, I still believe it as positive. Because adolescents at the moment do not have to worry much, it is beneficial for them to explore more hidden potentials inside in order to be a comprehensive individual.

In conclusion, it can be seen that there are pros and cons when juveniles are less responsible currently. Nevertheless, my firm conviction is that this trend is a good thing, as youngsters do not need to be concerned much about other aspects of life.

I really have limited ideas about paraphrasing the term "responsibilities" (only duties and obligations in the essay). Can somebody have any ideas about this?
What are the other ways to express "positive trend" and "negative trend"?

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 ielts. Teenage crime issue. 'Why an how' essay. [5]

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries.
Discuss some possible reasons and suggest solutions.

the escalation of youngsters crimes

Writing

Nowadays, in many countries, the percentage of criminals who are under 18 has witnessed a dramatic growth. The lack of parental supervision and negative influences from other peers are identified as the root of the trending. Therefore, both parents and educators take responsibility to mitigate the dilemma.

To begin with, inadequate control from family members can enable adolecents to inappropriate activities outside. It is explained that these days, parents tend to concentrate on making ends meet and working extra-hours. As a result, they are too hectic with their job and they barely have some leisure times with their children. Without guidance from adults, juveniles feel lonely and unloved, thus those pity teenagers will choose to socialise with other people outside as a way of escaping tedious scenarios. Consequently, adolecents will contact bad-influential peers, and they will be tempted to engage illegal activities, namely smoking, vandalisim and fighting.

Parents and school authorities play a pivotal role to address the act of teenage crime. Firstly, parents are highly recommended to reduce working hours, in order to have more times with their sons or daughters. They should let their adolecents share his or her internal issues, and then co-oparating with them to overcome the adversity. In addition, parents can creat a warm phenomenon among family members, as well as teenagers by going for a picnic or going to a restaurant in the weekend. Secondly, teachers can propagate to students about what and what not to do, alongside organising more extra - curriculums in academic life.

In conclusion, it can be seen that the escalation of youngsters who commit crime is resulted from the off-guardness of parents. However, there are some measures to tackle this issue, by cutting the amount of time working from parents and the propagandas from teachers.

Can anyone give me some feedbacks and band score for this essay? Thanks.

Writing Feedback / Practical intelligence or academic intelligence? IELTS writing task 2. [2]

pragmatic skills versus academic knowledge

In today's job market it is far more important to have practical skills than theoretical knowledge. In the future, job applicants may not need any formal qualifications.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In job's market nowadays, it is said that owning pragmatic skills is much more appreciated than academic knowledge. Therefore in the future, people do not need formal certifications in order to seek for a job. I partially agree with this idea and I shall explain why.

To begin with, individuals obtaining the capability of resolving in real life problems will be more advantagous when applying for an enterprise. Such skills play an indispensible role in working enviroment these days, which consist of establishing social relationships, problem solvings, dealing with various personalities and so on. Whoever acquire these aforementioned components will have greater opportunities to have a prosperous career. Moreover, companies nowadays concentrate more on recruiting applicants who have a wide range of skills beside his or her rough skills, with belief of those people will have new initatives in developing the company itself.

On the other hand, speacialization is a necessary factor, which is also known as the foundation part of job function. This is why this skill cannot be disappered, on account of job hunters need to know what their occupation is about and how to do it. For instance, an IT programmer wish to create a game or a website, so he must know how to code, which is a compulsory requirement for a programmer. Another example is a pilot needs to be knowledgable about an airplane and how to drive it in various weather conditions.

In conclusion, it is true that developing soft skills will bring more benefits for employees. However I possibly argue the essence of academic skills, which is still needed in today society and in the future.

This is a fixed essay with additional words added but my previous draft only had under 240 words. How do you can manage to organize your essay under timing constraint and anticipating word counts? I'd highly appreciate your advice. It is problematic to me that in the type of Discuss both views and give your opinion essay I tend to over exceed the word count, and this type of essay I usually have trouble with wordy quantity.

Writing Feedback / Motor use. Problems and solutions. IELTS task 2 [3]

motorbikes are widely utilized in some countries

The private motor vehicle has greatly improved individual freedom of movement. Moreover, it has become a status symbol. Its use, though, has impacted negatively on city centres as a whole.

What are some serious problems brought about by private motor vehicle use? How can its use be reduced?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My writing

Nowadays, especially in developing countries, motorbikes are widely utilized by people due to its flexibility in commuting. However, it is said that there are shortcomings influenced on urban areas. This essay will cite out some issues related to the dilemma and steps to tackle.

To begin with, the prevalence of motorbikes is identified as the main factor of traffic congestion in rush hour. Taking Hanoi, which is a capital city of Vietnam as an example, in the constraint time of 5 p.m to 6h30 p.m is totally a nightmare for its citizens because of loads motors got stucked in the streets in an irritating phenamenon. Alongside the traffic problem is the enviromental hurdles, in which is explained by the release of fumes from motorbikes into the air. This issue is one of the major components contributed to the rising of global temperature. Another point to be considered, motorbikes are the dominant reason that causes mishaps annually. This is an act of people's low courtesy, when they take advantages of the flexibility of motorbikes to go through the red traffic light sometimes.

Some measures are taken to address the issue. The first solution is that the goverments should raise taxes on motorbikes. By applying that technique, people will be less likely to access to this commuting method. Moreover, the local authorities are advised to concentrate on developing public transports, in order to encourage local metropolicians to consume less private transports.

In conclusion, the tendancy of motorbikes results in negative impact on cities. This issue can cause traffic jam, damage the enviroment and arise accidents every year. Therefore, interest increase and the widespread of public transports are the keys to resolve the dilemma.

I have questions: How many times should a word be repeated in an essay? And how or when can you repeat a word?

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2. Sense of competion or teamwork? Which one is better? [5]

the competition issue among young people

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My writing

Some people are of the opinion that sense of competing is advised to be concentrated on youngsters, whereas others think teaching how to teamwork is more beneficial for them afterwards. This essay will discuss both views and I shall give my own opinion later.

On the side of juveniles who are imposed of competing, this is a great method for self-improvement. When teenagers are forced to be in competitve enviroment, they will have tremendous motivation to surpass other opponents and reach the highest achievement. Therefore, this driving force stimulates these determined children to attempt constantly. Thus, they can be a successful individual with their restless efforts, which sets a good example for other teenagers and adults.

On the other hand, teaching young children how to collaborate with other people offers more advantages for them. In modern society nowadays, in order to obtain a prosperous carrier, youngsters are highly recommended to work with other co-workers. By acquiring teamwork skills, teenagers will not feel isolated and pressurable because there are other ones who will support them. This technique also teaches them to be more responsible because the mechanism of co-operation is one for all.

Personally, I agree with the idea of collaboration teaching on children. On account of teamwork plays a pivotal role in working enviroment, so children who gain this skill are more likely to be an excellent leader in the future, as they can understand how to use other people. In contrast, competing can have a negative impact on children, because those teenagers are always on the mindset of winning and this dilemma can lead to psychological problems.

In conclusion, both aforementioned statements have bright sides for children. However, teamwork is more appreciated because it is an essential skills in modern world and it lessens the pressure and teaches the accountability.

I always have trouble with concluding. Can anyone have an idea/sample suggestion to polish my conclusion? Also, give feedback on this essay. Thanks.

Writing Feedback / School funding in a particular UK school. IELTS writing task 1. [3]

the percentage of expenditure of a UK school

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981,1991 and 2001.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

My writing

The three pie charts illustrate the percentage of expenditure of a UK school during the 1981, 1991 and 2001 period.

As can be seen clearly from these charts, while Teacher's incomes were spent the most, the reverse results were true for the Insuarance during the three year period.

To begin with, Teacher's salaries made up 40% in 1981. It accounted for half of total school budget in 1991 and later witnessed a slight decrease to 45% in 2001. There was a tiny increse of 1% to 3% in Insuarance spending from 1981 to 1991, which underwent a noticable growth to 8% ten years later.

As for Furniture and Equipment and Resources, both datas accounted for 15% at the beginning of the period. While the figure for Resources grew slightly to 20% in 1991, the expense for Furniture slipped sharply to 5% at the same time. However, the fund for furniture rocketed to 23% in 2001, whereas the figure for Resources saw a significant downward to 9%. Other workers' salaries witnessed declining trends throughout the period, with 28%, 22% and 15% in 1981, 1991 and 2001 respectively.

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Writing Feedback / Prevalance of supermarket leads to the death of smaller bussinesses? IELTS writing task 2 [3]

many small, local businesses are unable to compete with the big supermarkets

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities.[/b]

[b]To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My writing

In recent years, the prevalance of supermarkets in some countries causes the disadvantages for the small businesses. Some people believe the inactivity of these businesses lead to the death of local communities. I partially agree with this stament and the explanations will be cited out below.

It is undeniable that there are growing numbers of shopping markets being built in several countries which dominant over minor businesses. The first and foremost reason is that these supermarkets are financially supported by enterprises, therefore they offer variety of products with different brands and usages. Thus, they attract more customers to spend their budgets on. Another thing to be identified is that those goods of supermarkets are usually undergone strict quality checks by authorities, in which scarcely be found in smaller businesses. Hence, buyers will choose supermarkets as a reliable sources for daily demands.

Nevertheless, the local businesses cannot be executed. This can be explained by the closeness between these businesses and people. For instance, despite more shopping centers being opened in some undeveloped areas in Vietnam, minor businesses can still survive because they understand the locals' needs and they are readily able to communicate with customers, which is not prevalent at all in national supermarkets. In addition, some stocks of supermarkets are imported from smaller businesses, in which creat more income and job opportunites for those local companies.

In conclusion, the commoness of shopping centers can result in the underdog of many tiny businesses, yet it is unlikely to claim that this is the end of smaller businesses in the future.

It looks like I have trouble with thesis stament in the introduction, and the conclusion is somewhat iffy in my opinion. Any helps are all be held of value by me.