Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : Proportion of male and female arrests by offence type, 2008/09 [3]

criminal offences by gender in 2008 and 2009

The bar chart gives information about proportion of male and female arrests by different type of offence in September 2008.
Overall, male and female had nearly the same proportion which is the highest in violence against the person. Nevertheless, robbery of both was the lowest in all of offence.

About proportion of male arrests, the violence against the person took account over 30 percent and next was theft and handing stolen goods with 20 percent. Besides, offences as burglary, criminal damage and drug offences were not serious with just over 5 percent, 10 percent and under 10 percent. Robbery, fraud and forgery made up very small number, just about 3 and 2 percent. Moreover, proportion of other offences was 15 percent.

It's seem to be that proportion of female in violence against the person was higher than that of male, almost a third. The second approximately reached with the first is theft and handing stolen goods proportion, about 31 percent. In contrast, proportions of female in robbery, burglary, fraud and forgery, criminal damage and drug offences were quite little, under 10 percent each of offences. Other offences took under 15 percent.

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Writing Feedback / Temperatures and hours of daylight - Writing task 1 : the tables [3]

Can you check my grammar and give me some advices?

Mumbai, India and Moscow, Russia - weather comparison

Given is the table illustrating about the temperatures and hours of daylight in Mumbai, India and Moscow, Russia during the same weekend in May 2007.
Overall, temperatures in Mumbai on Friday, Saturday and Sunday were much higher than those in Moscow, even both maximum and minimum. Besides, sunrise and sunset time of two cities also had significantly differences.

The weather in Mumbai was quiet hot with maximal temperature during 3 days which slightly fluctuated at 33-34 degrees. Minimal temperature was stably kept with 29 degrees. In addition, the sun rose at 6.00 and set at 19.11 and later on Sunday.

In Moscow, on Friday, the maximal temperature just reached to 8 degrees but raised to 17 degrees on Sunday. However, there were only 2 degrees at the coldest moment on Saturday. Moreover, the sunrise early started at over 4.00. Nevertheless, the sun was downed until after 22.00.

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : pie charts- players of electronic games in South Korea [4]

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south korean gamers 2003

Given are pie charts illustrating information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003.

Overall, the main age of players dropped into people under 18 instead of over 36 or between 18 and 36. Significantly, the major gender of players was male, not female, in types of games they liked as action, sports, racing, education, role-playing and others.

Firstly, male playing electronic games took account a large proportion (72%), as nearly three times as female with 28%. Besides, proportion of people under 18 was 39%, just higher 1% than this between 18 and 36. The rest was for people over 36, closely a quarter of the age of player pie chart.

Secondly, it's clear that action games made up more than two-fifths and took the biggest part in types of games. The second was sports games with 20% and racing games with 17%. Especially, the proportion of education games just reached to 7%, which was the same to role-playing games. Others remained only 6%.

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Writing Feedback / The provided information about the water used in different sectors in different countries in 2003 [4]

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water consumption in different areas and countries

The table gives us information about the water used in different sectors in different countries in 2003.
On the whole, 6 countries which were France, USA, UK, China, Canada, Germany had various using-water levels. Each percentage of using water in each sector as domestic use, agriculture use and industrial use showed them. The biggest using-water level reached 50% and the smallest is only 10%.

At the first metric column, Germany had the highest percentage in domestic use, at 40%. In agriculture use, it's noticeable that using water of Canada took a half which was higher than those of other countries. France was a country using the most water in industrial use, at 40%.

Despite of spending a lot of water for agriculture, Canada just consumed 10% of water for domestic use and less than a fifth for industrial use. As the same, China also spent 40% for agriculture use which was the runner-up after Canada and a quarter for each of domestic use and industrial use. Besides, UK spent only one in ten for agriculture use and took the lowest position in 6 countries.

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : map - Comparison the road access to a city hospital between 2007 and 2010 [3]

i'm practicing to write Ielst task1 essay, please help me get high score!!!

COMPARISON OF THE ROAD CHANGES TO HOSPITAL IN A CITY

Given are the two maps illustrating changes of road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010.

From an overall perspective, infrastructure was noticeably transformed with developments around after 3 years. All changes mostly came from East and South of the city hospital.

In 2010, Public car park on the right of the city hospital was built and also there was another entrance opened in here. Instead of in 2007, there was only an entrance and car park was used for both staff and public. At the south, the map added two roundabouts. One was at the crossway which City road and Hospital road intersected and another located at cross of Ring road and Hospital road.

According to time development, car park used for staff and public before was used for staff in 2010. Six bus stops near Hospital road in 2007 were replaced by a big bus station in South West of the hospital. Even, the bus station was straightly connected with the two roundabouts of Hospital road.

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Writing Feedback / The information about integration problems for people (all age groups) moving to other countries. [4]

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Integration problems for people living abroad

The chart gives us information about integration problems for people moving to other countries.
The biggest problem of people aged 35 to 54 is sorting out finances which experienced by 35 percent in this group. Besides, the 18-34 age takes just less one percent than the 35-54 age. The proportion of people aged over 55 who have financial problems is 29 percent.

Next to reducing healthcare, it's a significant number for the 35-54 age with the highest percentage in comparison with other ages (37% in group). This problem takes account for 32 percent for the youngest group and 36 percent for the oldest group.

Contrary to the problems above, finding a place for their children to learn and be took care is not a major problem. Only 2 percent of people in the oldest group and 6 percent of the youngest group have difficulty. However, people aged 35-54 still suffer difficulties from seeking schools for their children, which takes 19 percent.

In general, all age groups experience the same problems but specially, the proportion of sorting out healthcare is a major part and finding schools for their children is a minor part in all age groups.

Thanks for reading

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: the necessary of music - traditional music and international music [3]

Why we need music?

Topic: There are many different types music in the world today. Why we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Nowadays, when the human world is developing, the demand of enjoying our life increases significantly. Music is seemed to be a necessary for relaxing and has various kinds to choose. Traditional music or International music is equally important.

At first, music can bring so many advantages for human's life. It depends on what kind of music we choose, which makes us have a sense of freshness, satisfaction or excitation. For instance, sleepiness always stays with you even though you had an 8-hour sleep at last night. In case, if you hear a heavy-metal song, you will wake up and feel full of energy to start a new day. So, let's imagine that how do you feel after a long day with work? It must be tired and uncomfortable and a melodic song can help you... therefore, music becomes a part of our life.

In each country, we have own traditional music which is precious and preserved as our own culture but it doesn't mean that this kind of music is more important than the International music. The first reason is about choices of each individual. In some countries, when we are young, we often listen pop and EDM songs instead of traditional things as jazz, classical music in the old age. Besides, the international music is developing variously day by day to meet up the using demand of human. It can satisfy any choosy person with different unique melodies, which traditional music doesn't have because of old and boring melodies.

In conclusion, it'll be a pity if our life has a lack of music. The traditional music takes an important position, so does the international music.

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : adults' study and how the costs of courses should be shared [3]

reasons of adults' study and how its cost should be shared

The bar chart and the pie chart give us information of the reasons why adults decide to study and how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

The bar chart shows that major reasons of adults' study are they want to learn a certain subject and gain qualifications which take 40 percent and 38 percent. Besides, study reasons as a tool for adults' job or to improve prospects of promotion or to simply enjoy learning also hold approximately 20 percent for each one. At last, reasons of having opportunity to change job and meeting people take only 12 percent and 9 percent.

Next to the pie chart, the information is given that the main part of the costs of each course should be shared by individual, 40 percent. Taxpayer and employer should share with 25 percent and 35 percent in turn for this.

Overall, the bar chart refers the main reason for adults' study is interest in subject and how the costs of each course should be shared by individual, taxpayer and employer by the pie chart.

Thanks for reading, leave me a comment, please...

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 2- responsibility of the goverment of the poor nations and the rich nations [3]

the responsibility for helping the poor countries

Do the rich countries or the governments of the poor countries should take responsibility for people in poor countries?

Nowadays, when the people's lives are becoming more and more enhanced, the poverty in some countries around the world is a big issue. Both of the governments of the countries and the wealthy nations should be under obligation to give a favor with the poor.

Firstly, the rich countries can propose helping-hand policies for the poor countries. In short term, they can supply food aid or a certain small fund immediately as having urgent situation. In long term, there are so many scholarships for talent students which the wealthy nations give for the poor. Besides, they also brings building projects to help the poor get access to better life. In fact, the richest economy country in the world- United States donates billions of dollars to the Middle East and North Africa annually that they can pass over the wars and starvations. Therefore, it's so important assistances from the wealthy nations.

Secondly, in the poor countries, the authority should let their citizens broaden their knowledge. By the internet, local media, they will know about development of the world recently so that they will learn or work hard or even become more creative. It means that encouraging and giving them motivation can make possibly effective steps which contribute to build their country. For instance, Korea, after the second worldwide war, was one of the poorest countries but thanks to the smart opening policies of the government, Koreans rapidly recovered Korea's economy position in nearly 20 years. Thus, decisions of the government also play essential roles.

In conclusion, the responsibility for helping the poor countries should be shared with their authority and the rich countries.

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : The employment of the first-year teachers in Ontario from 2001 to 2007 [2]

Percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation.

The line graph below gives us information about being in employment as first-year teachers in Ontario in a period from 2001 to 2007.
Overall, the teachers choosing to teach English and French have the same rate at the first stage. However, after that, the numbers have a significant change. The percentage of teachers teaching French seems to have just a little fluctuation and be continuous to increase slightly, contrary to the down trend of the percentage of teachers teaching English.

In 2001, the percentages of English teachers and French teachers were approximately 70 percent. Then, the numbers reduced in a simultaneous way. The percentage of French teachers has a fall to 51 percent in 2002 and continued to increase after. Nevertheless, there was a dramatic drop with the percentage of English teacher until 2003, just 40 percent at rest.

From 2003 to 2007, there was a slight fluctuation of the number of French teachers around 70 percent. With English teachers, the percentage went up so gradually from 40 percent to 42 percent. Until 2005, it went down quickly to 28 percent in 2007. So, there was an obvious difference in numbers at this time.

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - factors impact on the editors' decision what to broadcast [3]

editors and their news

The topic: News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?

Nowadays, media as televisions and newspapers is an important part of people's life and the news we get depends on the content news editors put on. Besides, there are so many factors impact on the editors.

Firstly, political pressure is a main part that is always appeared in every country in the world. The political system of a country does not allow the newspaper companies to post or print any information as obstacles to them, neither do television stations. Especially, in country controlled by only one party as China, news editors never tread on delicate ground as border conflicts with contiguous countries in a negative way, even the faults belong to China. Then, the citizens are always covered by news about development of their country instead.

Secondly, editors can gain huge profits from putting advertisements in the paper or broadcast in the television. The companies know about popularity of media and make corrupt use of media to spread their products. For example, an antirust paint company spend an amount of money for news editors to put the advertisement on the head of paper to attract readers. Therefore, everyone will see and look into the company if they have demand.

In my opinion, if we just read and watched bad news as gang rapes in India, disasters in Japan,..., we would lose belief in life instead of getting used. If we only saw good news as no more hungers, no more poverty,..., it would not mean that there is no terrible offence in reality.

In conclusion, there are many factors affecting to news editors but they should know how to balance and news should show facts even bad or good.

Thanks for reading!!!