Writing Feedback / Task 1 - Total words spoken to child compare with Children's total Vocabulary size [4]

Let me help you polish the first paragraph.
The two line graphs show the relationship in the numbers of words spoken and vocabularies in use that children could produce. As it can be seen, frequency range of talking affects language acquisition. In any case, children with family with higher-talking frequency are more likely to talk more and have more vocabularies in use.


??? the sentence sounds a bit clumsy. Try this: The number of words children produce when they speak...

Writing Feedback / The diagrams describe how a turbine can produce electricity from renewable energy [2]

As discussed in the previous post, I strongly suggest developing a 2-sentence overview. The overview presenting the general trend is the guideline to write body paragraphs. Here is my sample;

The two diagrams compare how wind turbines are designed and where they should be placed in. Overall, what stands out from the pictures shows that the two turbines are constructed with the combination of traditional and cutting-edge technologies. In any case, while some possible locations are offered differently, both turbines need a lot of wind to work.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 - The clothes people wear are the most indication of what they are like [6]


Clothes help protect body. Not only this, it is believed that garments could stereotypically shape performance. For this reason, people in elegant dressed are properly judged as what they wear. Yet, it is argued that judging people by their appearance is false belief.

Writing Feedback / Summary from TED's video. Writing flows and grammar. [2]


Everyone should learn to gain self-confident. Since it is believed that self-confidence brings more happiness, self-confident people are naturally more successful. Here are some techniques to build self-confidence .

... Since there is no prior antecedent, the personal pronoun "they' in this sentence is unclear.


... cogitating what CHANGES INTO cogitating ABOUT what

Writing Feedback / A summarize from TED Talk from Bill Gates who reveals how to improve teaching quality [2]

When it comes to an opening sentence, it is always good to start with a short sentence. This is because the sentence brings clarity. I have made some changes in the first paragraph. Some ideas such as well-performed ability on reading and reading ability are omitted, since there was no coherence between the prior and the following sentence.

Teacher is a person whose job is to teach students. Likewise, a teacher always encourages pupils in everything so as that the students could gain knowledge and insights. As teachers, they need valuable feedback regarding their teaching performance, since it is believed that this way helps them boost the quality of information transferred. For example, some countries such as China, South Korea and Finland have designed current schedules for teachers to gather some feedback one another. As normally seen, teaching activities are kept under surveillance, so as to improve the way educators teach. This constructive activity works both for junior and senior teachers. The outcome of this shows those countries hover at the world's best performing education systems.

Writing Feedback / Negative effect of electronic media on personal relationship - ielts task 2 [3]


All parts in the world are electronically connected. As such, it is commonly seen that some people living in different areas have strong relationships even though they have not meet one another. Yet, it is argued that too much electronic interaction socially affects personal relationships, since many people have felt a sense of social isolation.

Writing Feedback / The correlation between family talks and a different number of the vocabulary used by children [3]


The two line graphs show the comparison between verbal words and the amount of vocabularies in use for toddlers. What stands out from the graphs is that family with higher talking frequency had succeeded to help children develop communication. As seen, the number of words spoken goes hand in hand with far more total vocabulary sizes.

Writing Feedback / Inhabitants live in several different places - second task for IELTS [3]


Home is a place where people live and grow. As such, some people were more likely to live in the same place where they were born. It is not always true, since some others prefer to live in different areas. Both ideas have merits and demerits. Therefore, it is agreed that new places always bring new hopes.

Writing Feedback / Wind turbines - the figure describes how the elictricity is made and best place to locate generators [3]

The diagrams compare how the wind turbines are constructed and placed in different areas. What stand out from the diagrams is that some equipment is needed to build wind turbines. Although there seem to be some different locations, wind turbines can be operated well.

Writing Feedback / How the air circulates in a house and waste of energy due to heat losses - IELTS diagram [3]

The diagram illustrates how air circulates in a house and it cause waste of energy due to heat losses CHANGES INTO The diagram shows the ins and outs of air circulation and how home loses heat.

Overall it can be seen that large air getting in from the first floor. In any case, a lot of air has escaped from a home through the ceiling.

Overall, what stands out from picture is the heat is lost from a room via exfiltration and infiltration attached. In any case, some heat is transmitted through the area of room.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Clothes are the most important indication of your identity [6]


The popularity of fashion always changes. As such, some people are bound to keep up to date with the recent fashion. While it is utterly true, since clothes can lead to social values, it is a false belief to judge people according what they wear.

Writing Feedback / The generator turbine is using the wind power to produce electricity in the three distinct locations [3]


The two diagrams compare how design of a wind turbine is constructed and where the location of a wind turbine is based. Overall, what stand out from the pictures presents that there are different materials needed to construct this wind turbine, but their shapes are bound to be similar. In any case, the most appropriate place for a turbine is located in the hillside, while other is close to the sea.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1 : Happiness of parents with children of different ages [4]


let me help you deal rewrite the overview.
Overall, what stands out from the graph shows that majority parents who have very young and teenage children feel rather happy. If compared to the figure for very happy parents, the proportion of unhappy parents breaks a small minority.


Please peruse the data more closely. I think you lack accuracy, since this data shows the proportion of parents with children in different ages.

Writing Feedback / The clothes indicate what kind of persons we are - IELTS TASK 2 [4]


Some IELTS students prefer dealing with a maxim. Yet, unfortunately, a maxim or proverb is categorized as vague phrases in IELTS. Why ? This is because the vague language brings no clarity. You are tested to use very clear language to show that you have a great argument. Here is my sample; Clothes are a prosperous symbol. As such, there seems to be a lot of debate about how dress introduces personality. Some people try to maintain their performance by wearing attractive and stylish clothes. Yet, I think that measuring people by what they wear is false belief .

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The Measurement of Parent Happiness With Children [6]

A closer look at the first paragraph shows that you have failed to present a relative clause. Instead of write "parents which" , you have to change it into "parents who". Following this, the first sentence in the second paragraph needs to be rewritten, since the sentence shows repetitive. You can write the sentence with this pattern: "while sentence, sentence." Still in the same paragraph, but in the second sentence, you missed subject and verb agreement. To solve this, you have to put "is", in between this and in. This will be "this is in". Lastly, you need to break the first sentence in the third paragraph into two, so as to bring clarity.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 IELTS - the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships [3]


This is a very bad overview since ever. I have told you many times that you need to write a 2-sentence overview. Here is the sample; Overall, while the figures for people saying that there were very good relationships with both supervisor and co-workers in both years occurred, both figures were recorded as by far the most significant proportion. In any case, the modest rise in both categories were shown over the remainder of the period.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Relationships at work (with supervisor and co-workers) [5]

Although you have a very good opening paragraph, you failed to present a very clear overview. It's always better to write a 2-sentence overview. For this part, let me give a try; Overall, the data shows that while relationships with both supervisor and co-workers were very good in both years, these were recorded as by far the most significant proportion. In any case, both categories increased modestly.

- It was in stark contrast CHANGES INTO This is in stark contrast.
Although it is written in part period, you have to use present simple, since this shows general truth.

Overall, it is good, since Vangiespen has helped you a lot. All you have to do is finish writing this report in 20 minutes :D

Writing Feedback / 'numerous plus points' - Undesirable consequences of an electronic media? (IELTS Task II) [4]

- There seems to be a very good intro. All you have to do is create no more than ten phrases as opening sentence. The main objective of this approach is to keep your message succinct. Here is the example: Cutting-edge technology could negatively shape people's behaviour.

- The topic sentence in the second paragraph is well-done. Yet, I think it is too long. You'd better break this into two sentences, so as to bring clarity in the flow of the sentence. Here is the example; It is true that electronic media, such as computer and mobile phone bring dire effects. This is because the users are motivated by self-interest, as their acts attract a lot of media attention.

- As seen, it is always good to shorten your topic sentences. This phrase: "Although the change, which is produced by the electronic tools, seems disadvantageous" should be kept succinct and to the point.

- The conclusion seems repetitive. If you peruse the IELTS band descriptor more closely, then you can see that an essay with some repetition hovers at a score of 6.0 in TR.

Writing Feedback / The figure describes how the air leaks can circulate into the house and goes out [2]

- Although this is good., some flaws interrupt the flow of sentences. Here is the edit.
The figure describes how the air leaks can(it's better to omit "can") circulate into the house and goes out (STOP HERE)which cause loss heat and waste the energy. On the other hand( there is no contrast, so you cannot even use this phrase) , there is much air leaking occurred in every room and a significant amount of heat energy becomeS useless.

- It always includes the overview, presenting the general view. Let me give a try for both intro and overview;
A breakdown of the ins and outs of how air leaks works is presented in the diagram. As seen, this disperses mild temperature due to the circulation. In any case, some ventilators allow fresh air to come into spaces, while hot air in the rooms is pulled towards the exhaust fans.

- hope this helps, eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Who should be responsible for the health of our children? IELTS TASK 2 [3]


This is good, but too complicated. Let me give a try;
Some children live under unhealthy life condition. While it is utterly true to some extent, it is argued that both parents and school should take this issue into consideration. Yet, it is believed that health authorities should have responsibility to educate children to eat healthily and take plenty of exercise.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - the selected communication competency needed in a working area from 1997 to 2006 [3]


Initially, the proportion of people saying that the skill in listening carefully to colleagues was essential was noted in 38% , while in the following nine years, more people agreed that this skill needed maintaining, accounting for 47%.


This task is to measure your skills in comparison and contrast. The sentence above indicates that you need to learn more how to deal with the skills.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 - two sorts of communication skills between 1997 and 2006 [2]

1. It is always good to write a 2-sentence overview.
2. the amount of knowledge of particular products or services CHANGES INTO Many people saw that the importance of the skills in communicating knowledge of particular products and services recorded 35%.

3.


This is very poor approach. Instead of creating "the shopping lists" , you need to compare and contrast the information given.

Writing Feedback / Good job requires great communication skills - The Survey [5]

1. Write your intro with a passive form.

2. If you could, then try not to include this part "in the first year," in the overview.

3. Instead of using "regarding...", "As per" presents formal tone

4. 7% of making speeches or presentations increased to 11% CHANGES INTO "the proportion of people who make speeches or presentation increased ..."

5. listening carefully to collegues CHANGES INTO people who more likely to listencarefully to collegues

hope this helps, eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - In the modern world very difficult to have a healthy lifestyle [3]


Well, this is a very good opening sentence. Is that truly yours? or you copy it from another site?

The first paragraph is too long. When it comes to IELTS, your task is to introduce the prompt with different words. It is OK to add extra information, but should form a line with the topic. Then, it is always good to keep your sentences short. A short sentence brings clarity. Follow these steps:

- a catchy phrase
- background information,
- thesis statement

After you rework this intro, I'll discuss the body paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / These days, in this technology era, it is easier than before to maintain a healthy lifestyle [4]

- I suggest shortening the first paragraph. Here is my sample; Modern lifestyles lead a sedentary life. As such, many people are struggling to ensure healthy lives. Yet, it is argued that regular strenuous exercise helps people immediately stay healthy and fit . As you can see, there seems to be a catchy sentence. Although some students shun adding such a hook when it comes to their essay, I think this is very good attempt to attract your readers attention.

- I like the way you present the idea in the second paragraph. However, some grammatical errors have called a halt to the overall progression. A closer look at the findings vegetable are..., various dishes, processed by passing a large number of methods have..., it consumes regularly..., etc.

- As discussed, too many grammar errors impede the communication. Although this issue also appears in the paragraph 3, you are not so much concerned about the supporting ideas. The clear supporting ideas should be followed by detailed information. To do this, asking journalistic questions, 5W+1H, really works to lift your score.

- Adding your personal thought just after the paraphrased thesis is the best way to avoid being repetitive in the conclusion. Otherwise, your score in TR will hover at six.

hope this helps, eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / Parents should cook healthy food for their kids and constantly monitor their behavior. [4]

This is not the first time I review your writing. It is around 2-3 essays I marked. Did you peruse all my notice more closely? If it is YES, then you can see that this first paragraph needs more improvement. Your opening sentence needs a hook, as a catchy sentence to attract your readers.

This topic sentence in the paragraph 2 goes nowhere. If you think that "government" as the stakeholder performing a role should be discussed here, then you need to leave out "school and parental responsibility". Asking journalistic questions to create a detailed example should be taken into consideration, since the example given is to general. This latter suggestion also works in the example in paragraph 3. In the last paragraph, your task is to paraphrase the thesis statement. What makes students stay with a score of 6 or below is that they cannot develop the concluding paragraph well, since they failed to paraphrase their thesis.

Writing Feedback / Bulgarians showed not much intention to travel or stay abroad during 2001-2006 [3]

As it has been discussed in the previous post, I want you to pay particular attention to your overview, since this utterly affects your score in Task Achievement. It is always good to write a 2-sentence overview. Also, you need more words. If you write less than 150 words, then you'll get penalized.


this needs more improvement. A closer look at my sample;
This figure accounted for 70 percent in 2011, while the following a half decade raised slightly to 73 percent. There seemed to be a rise of 3% in 5 years. This is in stark contrast to the figure for visitors showing the reverse. 2001 to 2006 experienced a decrease, from 10% to 6%.

hope this helps, eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / The willingness of Bulgarians to move oversea based on their educational level (IELTS Task I) [3]

This need more improvement on the overview. It is always good to write a 2-sentence overview. Here is the sample;
The bar table shows some changes in education levels of Bulgarians who intend to go to live in another country (intro). Overall, the figure for people with secondary education broke a record as by far the most significant percentage. In any case, the number of people with primary or lower education saw a dramatic rise, while a slight fall in the proportion of people holding higher education was noted in the question period ( the 2-sentence overview).

hope this helps, eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / The comparison of world inhabitants divided by each continents between 1900 and 2000 [3]


As seen, you have very good attempt. Yet, you failed to introduce what's in the overview. An overview describe the general trend. As such, you'd better shun using figures or numbers in this.


It is always good to use more "adjectives" in this part. Remember that IELTS is vocabulary testing. Polish your report essay with accurately sufficient lexical resources. This may be " there was a marked decrease", for example.


Let me give a try for this sentence; "The vast majority of the world's population (6 percent) resided in Asia witnessed a slight decrease."


You do not need to put a comma after while. This simple mistake deducts your score.


I am sure it is officially incorrect, since I cannot even find this word in the dictionary. Make sure you recheck spelling and grammar in use prior to submitting your report here.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Children are engaged in some kind of paid work [2]

Almost in all of nations..

Since the sentences are too long and take to read, I try to write this intro more succinctly
Today's issue is child labors. In conjunction with this, it is argued that children commonly take part in some forms of paid jobs. While this practical demand tends to disturb social relationship, it is believed that child workers are more likely to gain much experience from work life environment.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Age limit for retirement is 50 in some countires and 65 to 70 in others [4]


Although this intro is well-written, I think that the opening sentence is too long. I suggest creating a short sentence with more appealing tone. What about this: The expectation of retirement age varies among countries.

Let me give a try for the whole;


The expectation of retirement age varies among countries. As such, some people argue that a group of 50-70 still can be company's intangible assets. In the case of politicians, the retirement age should be more than that of the people, since politics comes through experience. Therefore, I believe that workers aged 70 and more can be categorized as less productive workers due to no improved education among those ages.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. IELTS [3]

Let me rewrite your intro and conclusion so as that they form a line with the prompt given.
Media shows growing violence. As such, some people argue that large-scale violence in TV and computer are more likely to transform dire effects to society. While it is utterly acceptable, I believe that most people are so apathetic about media reports.

The aforementioned evidence shows that electronic media could shape one's perspectives. Although TV and computer may lead in violent behaviors, it is claimed that some people become less sensitive to the reports of these electronic devices. It is imperative that showing graphic detailed violence in media should not be allowed.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - 'colleges and universities provide the best conditions for students to gain knowledge' [4]

This is very well-written. Yet, the first sentence is too long. I suggest that you'd better break this into two-three sentences.
Attending college provides ample opportunities. As seen, some people devote themselves to college education so as to gain more deep insights, while others claim that this place is bound to develop one's practical study. Therefore, I would argue that above all, college aims to prepare students for a successful career path

hope this helps, eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / Students need enough time for adaptation in a new environment abroad [5]


Shorten your sentences. A short sentence brings clarity. Let me give a try;
Prove benefits of study overseas are valuable experience and first-class facilities. These helps students convey their ideas effectively.


broaden particular focus on an in-depth area of study.


overseas students tend to think more flexible with some help from academic support resources.


since the anxiety of culture shock can interrupt study patterns.

I share some edits according to the flow of the sentences.
hope this helps, eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Internet provides a lot of information and it is positive [4]


Although you wrote a very good opening statement, some phrase, such "a lot of thing" look vague, and interrupts the flow. For this reason, I try to rewrite this.

The Internet has changed today's life. As such, some people are more likely to gain valuable information instantly from this technology, while others claim that the leakage of private information is one of the dire consequences. For this reason, I would argue that the Internet introduces people unlimited communication with abundant information and resources .

I construct my model of introduction with the steps:
1. HOOK.
2. Background information
3. Thesis statement

Since the introduction should form a line with the conclusion, let me give you an example as well;
The aforementioned evidence shows that due to the Internet, exchanging information is fast and seamless. Likewise, the Internet has swamped with information, but not all information is reliable to everyday life. Where possible, some efforts should be taken to make the Internet much safer.

When it comes to concluding paragraph, you need to simply paraphrase the intro. Plus, adding personal thought prior to closing your statement is much better.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.

Scholarship / How can companies improve current programs or develop new programs in order to promote flexibility? [5]

A slight improvement I have made. Please consider
- Demographics of the worldwide workforce showed that women's participation has increased such shifts affecting worker's primary needs. However, organizations have not adapted from the expanding caretaking responsibilities and the needs of a healthy work-life balance for their employees. The current workplace paradigm is also placing growing stress on individuals and families.

- A recent study on Women International Security
- the number of female CEOs and women in power is few
- According to men, they believe that women
- Today's business landscape, a woman is most likely to occupy a position of power

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:The longer one lives with parents, the better the one will be. [2]


As the opening sentence, this phrase is too long. Therefore, it is always good to write no more than 10 words when it comes to this part. You have to shorten your sentences so as to that they bring clarity and are more appealing to read. People act with decision . Is that you mean? Next, are you talking about the benefits of living with the elderly people? What are they? Write the merits with two phrases or more. By doing so, you make the thesis strong. Here is my model: I believe that well-prepared home food and shared household chores are the merits of living together with parents.

Scholarship / Explain the positive and negative effects of internet on medical and dental research [5]


Initially, it always takes time and immense efforts. Yet, in the long run with more practice, I believe you could create a very good opening paragraph.

Here is my conclusion model. I simply restate the intro. Plus, adding personal thought prior to closing the paragraph is always a nice try :D


The aforementioned evidence shows that advances in technology help research and physician. The reliable information regarding health and research could be possibly obtained from this cutting-edge technology. However, the technology' reliance on study introduces the malady impacts. It is imperative that scholars and medical stakeholders should take the serious consequences into consideration

Hope this helps, eddy suaib

Scholarship / Explain the positive and negative effects of internet on medical and dental research [5]


This opening paragraph did not paraphrase the question successfully. Likewise, the thesis statement is too weak. Let me give a try;
The internet and social network brings immense effects on scientific research. While it is true to some extent, since the use of this advanced technology helps scholars gain specialized health information and cover widely research areas, it is argued that dependence and antisocial behaviors can be the destructive impacts.


The example stated is too general. When it comes to an example, your task is to present this supporting sentence with more details. Asking journalistic questions, such as HOW, WHEN, WHY and so forth strengthens your case.

For example, at Stanford's University in 2010, 32% of male IT lectures conducted online video tutorials and training combined with innovative learning and teaching techniques with interaction with their master students. The outcome of this study is that students are more likely to have a 24-hour free flow of discussions as a valuable element of their studies

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.

Undergraduate / Challenges of a turban / Tomato Head - background, talent essay [4]

This essay is well-written. Yet, I see some sentences are too long. As a result, they interrupt the flow. It is always good to shorten your sentences, since this introduces clear meaning. A closer look at this;


Since people take my actions into consideration, I always extremely careful to conduct myself properly. All bear resemblance of Turban, affecting a Sikh person they meet in the future.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.