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Posts by fikri
Name: umar fikri
Joined: Jan 17, 2014
Last Post: Sep 29, 2014
Threads: 5
Posts: 317  
Likes: 71
From: Indonesia
School: Kampung Inggris

Displayed posts: 322 / page 3 of 9
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fikri   
Jun 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing 2 : Solutions to low-cost airlines' enviromental damage [3]

great, you wrote many synonyms in appropriate places, well if you don't know the synonyms you can explain a word with longer phrase, the important thing is you do not repeat a word many times, and also when you describe you should make the readers easy to understand and catch your points.
fikri   
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / ielts: the reason why sports competions has replaced war [6]

Over the past fifty years sport has played an increasingly important role in our society as a substitute for war. therefore the vast amount of money spent on international competitions such as Olympic games can be justified.

where is the question?

also, you made some misspelling and capitalization mistakes
fikri   
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing: Number of phone services in US - line graph essay [3]

Given is the line graph presenting the overall spending on mobiles phone services and land line phone services throughout 2001 and 2010 in United States.

the given line chart presents the overall spending on mobile phone service and line phone service throughout 2001 and 2010 in United States
fikri   
Jun 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Teacher is the best option for children's education in some aspects. [5]

I agree with the view

you should use about as the preposition of 'agree' as the right preposition,

Not only do they contribute much to children's professional skills but also they can teach their students important social communication techniques in order to survive in this competitive world

this sentence is confusing, could you explain?
fikri   
Jun 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts - fast food is good or bad? [10]

is it an essay?
this is an example of ielts task 2 essay

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about the funding of creative artists. While some people disagree with the idea of government support for artists, I believe that money for art projects should come from both governments and other sources.

Some art projects definitely require help from the state. In the UK, there are many works of art in public spaces, such as streets or squares in city centres. In Liverpool, for example, there are several new statues and sculptures in the docks area of the city, which has been redeveloped recently. These artworks represent culture, heritage and history. They serve to educate people about the city, and act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists. Governments and local councils should pay creative artists to produce this kind of art, because without their funding our cities would be much less interesting and attractive.

On the other hand, I can understand the arguments against government funding for art. The main reason for this view is that governments have more important concerns. For example, state budgets need to be spent on education, healthcare, infrastructure and security, among other areas. These public services are vital for a country to function properly, whereas the work of creative artists, even in public places, is a luxury. Another reason for this opinion is that artists do a job like any other professional, and they should therefore earn their own money by selling their work.

In conclusion, there are good reasons why artists should rely on alternative sources of financial support, but in my opinion government help is sometimes necessary.
fikri   
Jun 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Do young people have much greater influence nowadays than it was? [4]

Any information or event in one part of the world can easily reach the other, due to the Internet.

Any information or event in one part of the world can be easily reach the other, due to the Internet

also, do not put specific data in your intro, just put them in your body-para to give more explanation
fikri   
Jun 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Online learning or real school? Provide your opinion. [5]

in my opinion, it seems better if you put your own opinion in different paragraph rather than you put in conclusion paragraph,
you may put your opinion in a paragraph before conclusion and after the third paragraph
fikri   
Jun 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts - Fast food popularity- Positive or Negative? [3]

what kind of your essay? IELTS?
which task that you wrote above? in IELTS task 2, you shpuld write at least 250 words, also you should separate them into introduction-bodies-conclusion
fikri   
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS pie chart and table - agricultural crisis [6]

The given pie chart presents the different reason for land degradation globally. On the other hand, the table illustrates the percentage of soil degradation and its causes on three regions in the year 1990.

it seems to me that it is better if you put moreover rather than using 'on the other hand'
fikri   
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Zoos are cruel or useful? [6]

it seems extremely unbalanced, try to make it balance by giving more details in the third paragraph,
fikri   
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Children's engagement in paid work. Right or wrong? [11]

your paragraphs seem unbalance, it will be better if you write the same sentences in most of your bodies except introduction and conclusion, so the readers will see that your points have balance explanation and maybe easier to understand
fikri   
Jun 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - To encourage old people using mobile phones and the internet [3]

Last but not least, we can propagate the ideas that using mobile phones and the internet can better our life.

small mistakes may decrease your score,,be more careful,,
can better our life it should be can make our life better , modal should be followed by verb 1
fikri   
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Prevention is better than cure. Agree or not? 'materialistic diversion' [9]

If you want to write a balanced answer for an "agree or disagree" question, it's important to get the introduction right. this is an example:

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Here's my introduction. Notice that I use a "while" sentence to express my balanced opinion.

It is true that some celebrities are known for their glamourous lifestyles rather than for the work they do. While I agree that these celebrities set a bad example for children, I believe that other famous people act as positive role models.
fikri   
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] University education restriction. Just for best students? Agree or not? [2]

If you want to write a balanced answer for an "agree or disagree" question, it's important to get the introduction right.
this is an example :

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Here's my introduction. Notice that I use a "while" sentence to express my balanced opinion.

It is true that some celebrities are known for their glamourous lifestyles rather than for the work they do. While I agree that these celebrities set a bad example for children, I believe that other famous people act as positive role models.
fikri   
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: THE ADVERSE OPINION OF SCHOOL LEAVERS [3]

in IELTS writing task, you must put space between paragraphs, as a result the readers will easier to catch your ideas,
also, it may increase your score
fikri   
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - If Police should carry guns or not? [8]

in the third paragraph, it will seem clearly if you put more detail examples, you may take from daily living around you or from some news
fikri   
May 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: factor of choosing a career. [9]

For example, people, who work in monotonous jobs, where no achievements or a new positions can be reached feel themselves more dissatisfied, even though they have a very good salaries.

you put too many commas here
fikri   
May 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS academic rich-poor conflict [6]

additionally, in writing task IELTS, you should give space between each paragraph,
so, the readers will be not confused when they read your essay

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