Writing Feedback / Technology has encouraged many developed countries to advance space exploration [2]

Hi Miss Dhyla..
These are my thoughts towards your essay. Hopefully, these can help you.

... space exploration, but the number A LARGE NUMBER of experts argue (...) to national's advantages outweigh THAN the international effort ...
... dominate and control all access in TO the outer space such THE information technology while IT encourageS the global telecommunications.

America(Avoid to pick up a name in your essay because it can make you seem subjective. It is better if you mention all developed countries generally) is the one of advanceD countries which (...) to improve THE information technology.

... like high technology in THE communication system.
In 2006, the government in America, carried out [....] are investigating a satellite in the outer space.
(Honestly, you denied the prompts given in the question. Actually, It asks you to decide your position whether you agree the opinion that "The space exploration is a nation pride" or not. However, you explained the reason the country conducts the space exploration. be careful of the task responses because it decides your score. pay attention to micro keywords displayed in the statement)

Turning to the second body paragraph, your essay are free of major mistakes grammatically. However, you still missed the prompt. That is out the topic clearly. One of essential things paid is focusing on the prompts.

I really believe you can write the better essay in the next term. As many as you practice, you can master this deeply.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2-media-celebrity-ordinary people. On which group media should focus more? [6]

Hi Miss Pramudia.
These are my thoughts towards your essay. Please, meet my notes and review those.

... celebrity's stories have become A popular program that was(You should reduce this) shown in ON many mediaS, like a television, radio, YouTube (This is not equal with television. perhaps, you should write THE INTERNET), and many more GO ON. MEANWhile (You are supposed to distinguish between linking word and conjunction) , some people think that common citizenS should be given ...

In my POINT OF view, both of them have not ...

First of all, THE live and relationship of ...
It just told TELLS about artist'S lifestyle, and most of ...
It is just make viewer tend ...
Then, THE relationship of famous (...) other people do not necessary NEED to know.
(Honestly, you have avoided the prompts given in this statement. In this case, you should focus on ordinary people. There are micro keywords showing the edge of explanation. Besides that, you have not elucidated systematically. You demonstrated your opinion, but you display supporting sentences like an example. If you commit that again, it will seem like layman's opinion.)

Similar to celebrities, ON ONE HAND (you should harness proper transitive words ), exposing activity of (...) constructive effort for THE audience.
(please, you explain your view systematically. It is not important if you only list your idea.)


(Actually, I am confused because you tended to offer new explanation in this essay whereas you did not review the prompts relatively. pay attention to task achievement given in the question. If you cannot answer them, your score can fall down to 5)

Note:
1. "While" is the conjunction. It is used to merge two sentences. You should write "MEANWHILE" if you wanna use as the linking word.

2. Keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences.

I really believe you can improve your skill if you wanna provide more time to practice again and again.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Numbers of first-year teachers hired in some language schools in Canada [2]

Hi Miss Septi.
Don't forget to attach a picture relating to your data so that others can give feedback totally.
Septi, please let me finalize your writing to boost your score in the written section .

... job for language teachers AS FRESH GRADUATE in Ontario based ...
According to the graph, OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT there was a slight (...) teachers, meanwhile ("Meanwhile" is a transitive word. It is put at the first sentence and used to merge two sentences because that is not a conjunction) WHILE the percentage of English-language ...

Overall, FURTHERMORE, the percenage PERCENTAGE (be careful of misspelling as that is one of major mistakes) of French-language teachers ...

In 2001 INITIALLY, the percentage RATE of French-language teachers stood at seven in tenTHS. In the next FIRST TWO yearS, it dipped by 23% to 52% RESPECTIVELY and went up ...

Over the next four-year period, there was a slight increase in the percentage. In 2007, the percentage reached a peak at 75%.(Trust me, you cannot reach the score more 6 because you passed a prompt in the writing task 1. keep in your mind that your job is to compare the figures, don't describe the figures separately. It is not attractive. Please, you have a bravery to do it)

Turning to the second body paragraph, you still described the data separately. Well, you can inform the data to readers, but it did not seem interesting. You are supposed to compare the figures of french and English teachers. you have to conduct like that if you wanna reach the score more than 6.

Please, you review my suggestions to improve your writing.
I personally believe that you can boost your skill if you wanna read the examples of writing task1 and practice more and more.
keep spirit
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / The range of fresh regular teachers in Ontario - back from 2001 to 2007. [5]

Hi Aini.
These are my thoughts towards your writing. please, review mine.
^_^

The line graph gives information about...A BREAKDOWN OF PERCENTAGES FOR FOR FRESH TEACHERS GETTING A REGULER JOB IN ONTARIO FROM 2001 TO 2007, A 7-YEAR PERIOD IS PRESENTED IN THE LINE GRAPH. Overall, a number of teachers who teach english ... IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THERE HAD BEEN WIDELY A GAP BETWEEN THE NUMBER OF EDUCATOR TEACHING BOTH ENGLISH AND FRENCH LANGUAGE . Generally, it can be seen that demanded MOREOVER, DEMAND of french languange teachers HAD BEEN bigger than english teachers.

Note: "Meanwhile" is a transitive word. It is put at the first sentence and used to merge two sentences bacause that is not a conjunction. Besides that, before you upload your writing, you should reread your to make you sure that what you write is what you mind.

INITIALLY, The number of english ...
It was about 70 percent in 2001 . For the following year, the number fell by 20 percent.(You describe the data safely. remember your job in the writing task 1 that you have compare the figures.)

Turning to the body paragraph 2, you still described the data separately. Well, you can inform the data to readers, but it did not seem interesting. You are supposed to compare between the figures of french and English teachers. If you do not conduct like that, you cannot reach the score more than 6.

On condition that you wanna find the sense of writing task 1, you should read the examples of writing task 1 as many as possible. After that, you have to provide more time to practice again and again.

keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The kind of trouble that society usually have after moving overseas [4]

Hi Aini.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right medium to boost your skill. I hope you can participate actively in this website and follow suggestion given other members. In this moment, let me finalize your writing. please, meet my notes and deal with them.

... about kindS of trouble that society usually have FACED BY CITIZENS when they move to overseas according to CATEGORIZED IN THREE DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS ages . Generally, OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT people aged 35-55 (...) health as the biggest MOST SERIOUS problem they faced out, . Meanwhile (This is a transitive word so that you need a period), for young people (...) become the first POSITION IN CLUSTERS OF problemS WHICH THEY GET, and searching (...) become the last RANK IN THIS CATEGORYproblem in all ages. GROUPS

A CLOSER LOOK REVEALS THAT For young people , looking for money is the biggest problem IN THE CLUSTER OF YOUNG PEOPLE. A problem experienced by just , REPRESENTING AT 34 percent.

... 35-54 chooseS THE money as the second HIGHEST problem although , AND (Please, you order the conjunction properly. make you sure that what you write is what you mind )the THIS PROPORTION percentage is bigger than young people which is , STATING AT 35 percent. Only about 23 percent people in THE AGE GROUP over 55 have this problem.

NEEDS OF Healthcare become the most MAJOR problem in middle ...
Both of them have THE similar value ...
Old people choose THE health care as the first problem MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR they have, ...

... is the last MATTER and the less problem that people have in every ages AGE CLUSTER. The biggest percentage is had IS COMMANDED by people aged 35-54 YEARS OLD WITH THE RATE AT about 19 percent. Then AFTER THAT, it is followed by young people and eldery people.

I really believe you can show the positive progress in this skill on condition that you wanna practice more and more.
Keep spirit..
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / Middle aged people have the highest problem over all activities in a new living place [5]

Hi Mardian.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right website to improve your skill so that you are supposed to harness as well as possible.

let me finalize your writing throughout my thoughts.

The chart shows information about the problems for people who come to visit MOVE TO another country according to the THREE DIFFERENT age GROUPS.


(Be careful to decide a general trend. In my point of view, each problem dominates in different groups. Pay attention to appropriate information because if you display the data inappropriately, your score can fall down to 5. The overview is one of essential elements in the writing task 1)

The ITS percentage is 38 percent of this problem TOTAL OF MEMBERS IN THIS GROUP. However, only 35 percent of THE GROUP OF 35-54 YEARS is hard to gain ...

And AFTER THAT, THE FIGURE then getS higher than ...
At the end LASTLY, it is a decrease(Don't use the language of change in this case because these figures are different) to 28 percent ...

Searching(Make you sure that what you write is what you mind. be careful of paraphrasing) FINDING THE school for people's children (...) age is the highest PROPORTION REPRESENTING of AT 18 percent and ...

Hopefully, those can help you to get the points of the writing task 1
I really believe you can master this skill if you wanna provide more time to practice more and more.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Health care resources and life expectancy in different countries [3]

Hi Eka.
Please, meet my notes and review them. Hopefully, those can help you. GOOD LUCK :D

measured in thousands in FOR eight different countries

OVERALL, It is clear that the largest number of medical care is used in Japan.


(I think this relates to the first case. I have not found its logic flow.)
IN ANY CASE, PROPORTIONS BETWEEN HEALTHY EXPENDITURE AND RANGE OF LIFE EXPECTANCY SHOW A REVERSE TREND.

... have been utilized TO COMPLY MEDICAL NEEDS in Japan and it THOSE becomes the highest use NEEDS amongST the other countries presented.


(where are its comparisons?. You still play safely. the point of the writing task 1 is bravery to compare the figures.)

INTERESTINGLY, THE TABLE DISPLAYS OPPOSITE TREND FOR TWO CIRCUMSTANCES. The table reveals that The United States of America spends the most expensive health care for each citizen accounted for almost 7 thousand dollars per person, but it only reaches 78 of average life expectancy. ON THE OTHER SIDE, This is slightly lower if it is compared

Writing Feedback / The chart compares the problems of citizens who stay outside their home countries [5]

Hi Reski..
Welcome to Essay Forum. Enjoy your process because you have been the right medium to boost your skill. Let me help you to finalize this.

The chart compares the problems of citizenS when THEY stay in ANother countries COUNTRY based on different age GROPUs. All in all, OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT the most severe issues of moving abroad is experienced by the middle age for all types of difficulty. IN ANY CASE, THE LIGHTEST MATTER FOR ALL GROUPS IS FINDING FORMAL EDUCATION FOR THEIR FAMILY.

(Keep in your mind that each paragraph is supposed to consist of more than 2 sentences. Therefore, you should create 2 sentence for the overview).

The biggest problem about money are experienced by age group 35-54 around 35 percent, then WHILE people ages AGING18-34 YEARS with HAS the percentage is BEING under 35 percent. While(WHILE is a conjunction, not a transitive word) FOLLOWING THAT, the oldest age category ...

... 38 percent is the biggest feature PROPORTION that IS underwent by people ages THE AGE GROUP OF 35-54 YEARS then people over 55 years old, with the percentage is under REPRESENTING AT BELOW 38 percent.

... just around 32 percent is OF young people have THE healthy problem.
... people are finding THE school for their children, WHERE (When you wanna merge 2 sentences, do not forget to include the conjunction)19 percent is the ...
It is the higher percentages if compares with young people and old people AMONGST ALL AGE GROUPS. People have HAVING 18-34 years-old is the second ...

I hope these can help you to improve your ability.
I really believe you can master this skill if you wanna provide much time to practice more and more.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / The kind of problem people often face when starting to stay abroad - according to age. [3]

Hi Ivan.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right website to improve your skill. I hope you can harness this as well as possible. In this time, I will focus on contents of your writing. Please, meet my notes and review them


THE CHART DISPLAYS INFORMATION ABOUT KINDS OF PROBLEM FACED WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY BASED ON THREE DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS.

- Overall, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT people having 35-54year-olds had HAVE (This is fact information so that you have to use the simple present tense) the most problematic challenge.


(be careful to write meanwhile and while in one sentence. It will make your sentence vague and readers confused. I suggest you only write meanwhile)


I appreciate for your endeavors to use "the former and the Latter". However, you have to be careful to use them because those can make the readers confused. well, you can use them if you only describe two items clearly. I have found that you reviewed 3 figures in the paragraphs so that I am confused about relations. Which groups did relate to the former and latter?. You have to be more aware.


You should make your data more varied. The fraction can be called in this paragraph. HAVE APPROXIMATELY ONE-THIRDS


19 AND 6 PERCENT RESPECTIVELY.


Where is your comparison??. honestly, this is odd paragraph because you did not totally describe the key data. besides that, your paragraph only consists of two sentences. keep in your mind, each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences.

Hopefully, this can help you to enhance your skill.
I really believe you can show better progress if you wanna practice again and again
keep spirit
GOOD LUCK :D

Writing Feedback / The proportion of various kind of problems that citizens experience while living in overseas [6]

Hi Pramudiana..
Welcome to Essay Forum. I am delighted to tell that you have been a right website to develop your skill. In this section, I review about your grammar of the writing. Please, meet my note and deal with them.

... kind of problems that happen HAPPENING(you should reduce it) for citizens who (...) is provided by IN the bar graph. While MEANWHILE (When you wanna harness the conjunction "WHEN", you have to remember the pattern S V, WHEN S V. There needs a comma, not a period) , all of the people tend to easy to get EASILY school for ...


(Where is the detailed information?. In the body paragraph, you have to order interesting trend and display detailed. Besides that, you keep in your mind that each good paragraph consists more than 2 sentences)


Avoid using EVEN THOUGH in the formal writing. You should use although, but you must remember the pattern--- S V Although S V or Although S V, SV)


repetition. you are supposed to harness transitive words properly.

You have made a big error because almost all data have been not explained detailed. Please, you do not fall the same mistake.

Hopefully, these can help you.
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, there are many causes that make children have an unhealthy lifestyle. [5]

Hi Ifra.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right medium to improve your writing. In this moment, I only focus on your contents of your writing. Please, meet my notes and consider them to enhance your skill.


have a responsibility to TACKLE those problems.
Actually, you have succeeded to create the introduction well. You are able to paraphrase the statement and show where your position or opinion in the thesis statement.


In this the essay, you cannot place theory directly. Fine, you elucidate your personal experience about your brother. However, you have to display resource where you got. I suggest you include scientific fact to support your opinion.


This is out of the topic because you explain that the good diet influences the brain. Please, make you sure that you have met the prompts in this question.

quote=ifraanisa05] schools give a permission to other people who sell the food around the school without know the quality of the food.[/quote]


The example you gave cannot support your opinion. Focus on your edge of the topic.


(Avoid repetition)

Turning to your conclusion paragraph, keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. You are supposed to include the suggestion for a few elements to deal with the matter. Apart from that, you should harness linking/ transitive words appropriately. Those can make your essay smoother when it moves from the topic to the other topic.

I personally believe you can master this skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice more and more...
Happy Writing
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / 10 things we need to apply in the way we talk to other people without feeling bored [2]

Hi Russell.
In this moment, I do not suggest about your summary because the basic rule for creating the summary you did not follow. Keep in your mind that summarizing is an activity where you watch a video or read an article and you rewrite them, but you use your own words. Your summary is like a report because you did not write systematically. When you summarize, you are supposed to focus the structure of the summary. First, you display the introduction sentence about where you take its resource. For example, because you took from TED's website, you can write "THIS SUMMARY TAKEN ON TED'S WEBSITE PRESENTS A TOPIC DEMONSTRATED BY.... ABOUT......"

After that, you elucidate the topic explained by the speaker. However, you do not forget to include supporting/ reasons sentences which explain or strengthen your topic. It is important that you can explain the basic elements of the summary (WHAT, WHY, WHEN, WHERE, WHO, AND HOW). On the other hand, you do not review the data in detail.

Hopefully, this suggestion can help you to make the summary better.
keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / "Mentor is not always those one who still alive" - TED Summary by Tai Lopez (The law of 33%) [2]

Hi Russell..
These below are my thoughts about your summary. Hopefully, those can help you greatly and finalize yours

Make MAKING our life IS more useful (...); all we have to do is ARE socialize SOCIALIZATION with other people. Associate ING(You have to make it as GERUND to find proper meaning) with 33 % (...) younger than us, hence we can PRESENT A WAY TO mentor them about ...

Next BESIDES THAT, 33 % with OF our peers, WHO HAVE the same age with us, thus we can share about anything EACH OTHER. The last LASTLY, but not least was MORE THAN 33% IS COLLEAGUES with elderly people ...

... someone who had 10 million dollarS OF INCOME THE company to learn with. "Mentor is not always those one who still aliveS, even if they had (...) through their biography, BECAUSE all of them ...

... since it makes them boring BORED. Tai suggests treating our books IS like friends.(You have to remember that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences)

Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY : OCEAN LIFE IN THE SEA FLOOR [2]

Hi Riandi..
These are my thoughts towards your summary. I hope you review my notes and deal with them.
GOOD LUCK

Gallo as A marine biologist (...), and we THAT called S it AS THE ocean, besides . (Keep in your mind that you cannot combine two sentences without using a conjunction)we THAT can be divided into ...

... deepest water with color which is(You suppose to reduce this conjunction) black or dark.
... find corals with A sophisticated technology such as ...
..., while it found FINDS in the deepest trenches of Mexico. Then AFTER THAT, find some animals such as jellyfish which life LIVING in a colony and it gives an amazing color because of(You have to remember difference of use of because and because of. After because of, it has to be followed by ONLY NOUN) it is habitat ...

On the other hand, THE poisonous water (...) and beautiful of THE marine'S life.
... that people's pattern of life OF PATTERNS have to changes(TO INFINITIVE) for avoiding THE damage in the ocean (...) impact on THE ocean such as TRASH FROM drink and for food.

Writing Feedback / '4 reasons to learn a new language' by John McWhorter - Summary of TED [2]

Hi Ifan..
these are my thoughts for summary grammatically. Check it out

"English WHICH is taking over" is not one of (...) who capable of English are INCREASING catastrophically increase .
As an adequate example for that, In china , there 2 dozen universities IN CHINA are transferring knowledge (...) also improve their to insight of Chinese proficiency. Further more FURTHERMORE, at the last (...) from 6000 languages which exist to day TODAY, SO there will only some of ...

The precisely justification to that is the foreign languages have HAVING different acid trip ...
take TAKING France and Spanish ARE as THE example, . Both of them has HAVE THE same perspective about A table, because to them THEY THINK THA THE Table is kind of a girl. The second reason of that, IS because they (...) to be AN expert in THE culture. You suppose to take care about OF languages difficulties (...) and participate in THE culture. Another reason is THAT THE languages are just awful ...

SoTHEREFORE, Ii highly recommend that learning ...

Writing Feedback / A number of large cities with skyscrapers and shopping centres replacing small villages [2]

Hi..
Let me help you to finalize your essay. In this moment, I only focus on your contents of your essay.


Purpose of writing the thesis statement is to describe your mind briefly. You should mention advantages and disadvantages which you will review, but you only write them through one or two words. It can help readers to get the points what you explain detailed in the body paragraph


IN MY POINT OF VIEW, LIVING IN THE SMALL TOWN BRINGS A LARGE NUMBER OF ADVANTAGES.

Turning to the body paragraph, you actually have plenty ideas relating to the topic. However, you did not explain deeply. Keep in your mind that you can display the opinion but have to give supporting sentences. On condition that you don't., your opinions will seem like layman's opinion. Besides that, you should demonstrate concession in the last sentence each paragraph. It can illustrate the conclusion or consequent from all ideas.


you do not ever contraction in the formal writing. PEOPLE DID NOT


APART FROM THOSE, THERE ARE A FEW DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS
(You should harness linking words properly)


IN CONCLUSION / TO CONCLUDE

to strengthen your conclusion, you should include a suggestion. That relates to the matter. It comes from the government, citizens or other elements.

Hopefully, these above can help you greatly.
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Summary of article : Japanese Scientist Yoshinori Ohsumi Wins the Nobel Prize in Medicine [4]

Hi Radja.
Let me help you to finalize your summary

The A scientist of jJapan had been awarded A NOBEL PRIZE this years in medicine on Monday IN THIS YEAR for finding AN INVENTION WHICH related to the ...

THE INSTITUTE SAID THAT Disorganized autophagy (...) diabetes and cancer, the institute said.
... recognized for many years ago, WHERE its basic importance in physiology ...
... category since the first Nobel prizes were carry.

... was given by some scientistS who develoved DEVELOPED treatment for malaria ...
The publication continueD with aid on Sunday while ...

Note: Honestly, your summary is quite messy. I do not know why you separate your sentences in this summary so that it seemed not having coherence. Please, it does not matter if you only create one paragraph for the summary. It is important that one idea and another idea are relevant. Besides that, check your spelling.

I really believe you can make the summary better if you wanna provide more time to practice again and again.

Writing Feedback / Some professors claim that learning a foreign language should be started in the earliest grades [3]

Hi Ucha,,
These are a few suggestions to improve your score in this essay
Please, review my notes and deal with them


Secondary school has different meaning with the high school. It is better if you only write its original word rather than you paraphrase but making fault.


Avoid using word "assume".. I TEND TO STATE THAT A COUPLE OF BENEFITS

On the one hand, it is often said that acquiring LEARNING foreign language will (...) a child PERIOD because children are able to imitate language EASIER than adolescence. This IS also supported by the theory of THE second language and learning acquisition, which is stated that Critical Period (...) or learn THE second/foreign language.

... who enrolled in AN international kindergarten ...
... since childhood become A good foundation for (...) or spoken in THE foreign language such as English RENOWNED AS THE INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE.

.., learning THE foreign language in primary ...
So CONSEQUENTLY , children may not be able to focus on ...
... childhood is the period in which WHERE they played more than learning. As a result, many A GREAT NUMBER OF children cannot enjoy ...

All in all, regarding to both point of views, it (...) started to learn THE foreign language ...(Honestly, your conclusion is less sharpen because I have not found why you said that learning the foreign language in the primary school is better than in the secondary. I believe you can make it better.)

Writing Feedback / Article Review: Mini Dog Robot can Bounce, Open Doors and even Climb Fences [4]

Hi Yonathan,
Actually, it is a good summary. However, let me help you to finalize this. Meet my notes and review them

... impassable to wheeled and tracked robots,.(well, placing a comma or period is a tiny error. However, it can determine whether your sentence is true or not. You have to remember that each sentence only has one main verb so that when there are two main verbs and do not have a conjunction, it is a major mistake) it can also climb stairs ...

This means that, although each robot currently HAS cost around $10,000 to make IT, this should drop below $1500... ButHOWEVER,(You need a linking word, not connecting conjunction) we quite fancy just having one ...

Writing Feedback / Children can be introduced to a foreign language from their first years of study [3]

Hi Fauziyah..
I am pleased to read your writing because you have shown positive progress. You have written your essay systematically. In this moment, let me help you to finalize your essay. I only focus on your contents. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.


IT IS BETTER ON CONDITION THAT A FOREIGN LANGUAGE IS TAUGHT AT THE SCHOOL SINCE EARLIEST GRADE.
(You are supposed to reread your sentence to make you sure whether it is convenient to be read or not.)


Actually, you have written the thesis statement because it has clearly seemed where your position is. However, you should give one or two words to display why you agree if readers know general description what you will review

According to the statement above,that English needs to be ...
Due to THERE IS the A fact that children's brain can easily ...
For instance, almost throughout the developed (...), sing a song during studying process.(Actually, it is essential to be added because you have given the scientific fact.)

In addition, nowadays every technology [...] needs such as for education or even playing a game(I think you are better to find another reason because that is less strong) .

... language is a necessary VERY PRIMARY for this decade, . a teacher does (...) only on it, as children need social ...
(In fact, this paragraph is out of the topic because you explained why the teacher does not only focus on teaching the language. Turning to the prompt, you are asked to explain why you disagree if the foreign language is taught in the first formalk education. Please, pay attention to the prompts of the statement)

To concluded , I completely believe that ...
... for this develop the world, social education needs to be juxtaposed with language education.(This is out of the topic).
To finalize your the conclusion paragraph, you are supposed to include suggestions from a varied of elements to tackle this matter.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB
KEEP SPIRIT
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Aziz Abu Sarah, a tourism entrepreneur and peace builder from Palestine - report [3]

Hi Rosa..
It is a good job because this is free of major mistakes. However, you have to remember that you should manage the number of words in each sentence. Do not be really teeming. These below are other suggestions.

... about how a journey IS able to deliver a great ...
He believes that a travel done by tourists which WHO HAVE CONDUCTED A TRAVEL leave their native (...) that they never visit before PREVIOUSLY and discover (...) that country,.(you need the period here) THEY DO A LARGE NUMBER ACTIVITIES THERE SUCH AS connectIN with people, make ING a relationship with (...) and uncoverING everything that cannot ...

... a perfect way, to travel, AND create a sustainable tourism and a sustainable way of connecting ...
..., then a case which occurred to my brother ...
... arrested after HE been suspected as the a doer who throwS the stone, ...
... left the prison WHEN he was weak and passed ...
I dedicate myself to conduct a THE sustainable tourism which ...

Writing Feedback / Article Summary - How to Use Google to Plan Your Trip [3]

Hi Lincoln..
These below are my thoughts for your summary. I firmly hope these can help to finalize yours.

... revolutionize the previous apps which is NAMELY Google maps.
... tour guide in your A pocket, itAND aims to help travelers planning the THEIR trips. The application is very user- Friendly. After setting up the app WITH using your Gmail ...

Afterwards , it has six predominant ...

Firstly, reservation shows you THE TRAVELLERS the flight, A hotel and car (...) collected into your THEIR account.
Thirdly, day plans PLANNING DAYS help arranging TO ARRANGE itineraries. Fourthly, food & drink APPLICATION gives you THE HOLIDAY MAKERS THE basic information ...
... categorized to provide THE transportation information included ING the costs.

Note: You are supposed to distinguish when using gerund and to infinitive.

Writing Feedback / Anthony Goldbloom, Machine learning expert, shared his experience in TED channel. [6]

Hi Mr Patta.
These below are my correction to finalize yours.

Anthony Goldbloom, AN EXPERT OF Machine learning expert shared of his experience in TED channel. He argued that THE machine has changed THE LIFE OF people live which it not only able to task MAKE simple things SIMPLER but NEEDS many applications. THE Machines are utilized in AN industry and academia such as data operating DATA, cooking, PLAYING game, data sharing DATA, grading essay and disease testing A DISEASE. Simply, THE machine IS capable ABLE to operate many ...

... machine was able TO DO like human doING. However, THE machine wasbrought BRINGS some negative impactS in THE people'S LIFE live .
... effects caused by using THE machine.
... people should be MORE aware about A growth of THE modern technology.
... the globalization era, THE machine has responsible to ...

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Russia stresses importance of cyber-security cooperation with Indonesia [2]

Hi Ibal.
I am delighted to read your summary because you have shown the better progress. One having to be remembered is making you sure that what you write is what you mind. Sometimes, there actually need a gerund, but you place TO INFINITIVE. please, meet my notes and deal with them

A top Russian diplomat said (...) for International citizenS,(Don't forget putting a comma if those have different subjects) and it needs a ...
To increase INCREASING the cooperation between ...
He said that THE government has to take a part to tackle the increasing A RISE FOR THE number of terrorismS.
... used continuously by terroristS and all organised ...
... action to combat and destroy the endeavour of terrorism activities.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Some think that foreign language better to be taught since elementary school rather than high school [2]

Hi Fauziyah.
These below are my view focusing on the contents of your writing
Hopefully, they can help you to improve your essay.
Good LUCK
^_^
IT IS ARGUED CONTROVERSIALLY BY Some people think that foreign SECOND language IS better to be taught since ...
People THEY have the different view about this statement MATTER.

To begin, THE foreign language is (...) due to the fact that technology was growing up rapidly and using International language.(This is out the topic. it does not relate to the reason why the foreign language has the advantages when it is taught in the elementary school. You tended to explain the reason why people have to learn English)

Secondly, according to the sentence [...] accustomed with the foreign language. (Please, you look the statement closely. You are gonna find micro keywords of the prompts. Honestly, almost all are out the topic. If you commit that again, believe me your score will fall down)



Actually, both have the same meaning. You should not separate them. Those can be made in unity. It will make your opinion stronger.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary: What it Takes to be a Great Leader by Roselinde Torres [2]

Hi Yonathan..
These below are my thoughts towards your summary. I really hope you can review those and avoid the same mistakes.

... spend about 25 years observingTO OBSERVE many companies stated ...
It means that manyA LARGE NUMBER OF(avoid repetition of the word "many") companies had failed ...
The 21st centuries leaders must BE able to answer ...
This question explained EXPLAINS (this is a fact so that you should harness the simple present tense) about what the leaders ...
This question explained EXPLAINS about the capacity of ...
... leaders are brave enough to beCOME different.

Writing Feedback / The free movement, is it necessary for economy or not? [2]

Hi Lincoln.
In this meeting with you, I only focus on contents of your essay. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.


SOME ARE LIKELY TO STATE FREE TRADE
Actually "have a tendency" and "BE likely to" virtually have the same meaning. However, you should order the word more proper. Its way is rereading your sentence. Make sure yourself whether that is proper or not.


when you wanna paraphrase statements of the question, you must do it totally. You did not include the first opinion of people.


Be careful of the prompts in the question. You should not directly seem your position in the statement because the task response asks you to discuss two opinions. You are supposed to focus reviewing the reason why the matter can raise the economics and beat the local products. Because the prompt also asks your opinion personally, you can display at the last sentence in the body paragraph.


The example of countries which you mean should be mentioned to strengthen your opinion. It is going to seem the layman's opinion.


you should mention the point of the second opinion, the economic growth. After that, you reveal the reason why can raise the economics pace. Actually, you have had the reason, but you have to demonstrate that with the better flow so that readers know its topic idea.


As we know, the question does not ask you to explain advantages and disadvantages. It will make you out of your topic.

Keep Fighting
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / Article Summary - The Best -and worst- places to be a working woman [5]

Hi Lincoln.
I have a few suggestions to finalize your summary. Hopefully, these can help you to improve your skill.

... that aims to reports(verb Agreement--- To Infinitive) the most suitable WORKING place for women to work .
Unsurprisingly, the Scandinavia'S countries such as Iceland, (...) ARE in THE top overall. In these regions, a THE woman has A chance of equal ...
... share of education compareD with a man by 14%. Meanwhile, in Iceland has 44% OF THE NUMBER OF woman WOMEN on company boards. The least ranking of working PLACE FOR woman is Japan, . FOLLOWING THAT, Turkey and South Korea ARE THE COUNTRIES where men have a tendency ...

Writing Feedback / Social networking is the leading cause why individuals are losing interaction among family members [2]

Hi Ilmy.
I am pleased to read your essay because you have understood about the systematic of the essay.
In this moment, I focus on contents of your essay. Meet my notes and deal with them.


the Internet is undoubtedly beneficial BECAUSE they can
(Use proper words to describe what you mind)

You forget to paraphrase the statement that Internet-based social networking sites have a detrimental mental. A closer look at your essay reveals you directly enter in the thesis statement, whereas it is one of edges in the topic.


This has a bad flow. You should finalize your sentence to make it smoother.
MORE INSENSITIVE IN THE REALITY. THE EFFECT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN IN AN ACCIDENT IN KOREA WHERE BONG SEON HWA AS A YOUNG MOTHER.....
Make sure yourself that it is like in your mind


HOWEVER, THE SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITES ARE HARNESSED BY A LARGE NUMBER OF STUDENTS TO MAKE A VIDEO CONFERENCE SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEIR FAMILIES EASILY.


You should mention the disruptions what you meant and explained in the body paragraph although those are only describe by one-two words.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / The pie charts gives information of survey result in 2005 and 2009 about employee and their bosses [3]

Hi Andika.
These are my thoughts for your writing


THEIR RELATIONSHIPS (BE CAREFUL OF MISSPELLING)


OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE RELATIONSHIP AMONGST WORKERS HAD BEEN BETTER IN A 5-YEAR PERIOD. FURTHERMORE, AN INCREASE FOR THE LEVEL OF THE EMPLOYEES NOT HAVING THE SUPERVISOR IS MORE THAN FOR THE WORKER WITHOUT THE COLLEAGUE.

(You should make 2 sentences for the overview)

Writing Feedback / Ted Summary: The Single Biggest Reason Why Startups Succeed [2]

These are my few suggestions for your summary

There are some findings INVENTIONS by Bill Gross about what makes companies succeed the most SUCCESSFUL, what factors ...
He did CONDUCTED a survey of 100 idelab companies and 100 non-idealab (...) what THE factors ... The result is the number one thing was Timing.(You should rewrite this because it makes readers confused)

... 42% of the difference between THE success and failure. Team came in second, the Idea actuallycame(Keep in your mind that each sentence only has one main verb) in third and the last ...

The conclusion from this findings THESE INVENTIONS are for all startups that WHEN THEY want to success, OWNERS have to do the best ...
THAT METHOD IS HARNESSED to really look at whether (...) the companies SO THAT THEY have to offer them.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary - Hurricane Matthew Makes Landfall in Haiti [3]

Hello Fadhil.
when you summarize an article or a video, you should give an introduction sentence about resource where you take it.
These are my thoughts for your summary

The Hurricane Matthew, which categorizeD as 4 type storm ...
... maximum speed of 145 mph, . FOLLOWING THAT, IT BRINGS where bring about 15-25 inches of rain...
... made the East Coast beaches in A hazardous condition.
... a report ABOUT victimS of tornadoes at least three people.

Writing Feedback / The new developed ink can be used to 3D-print flexible bone implants in any size, shape and form [2]

Hello Yonathan
These below are my thoughts towards your summary. Hopefully, that can help you significantly.
Check it out
GOOD LUCK

The newly(You have to distinguish between forms of adjective and adverb) developed ink can be used ...
... developed an ink that can be UTILIZED TO 3D-printed into bone (...), allowing THE surgeons to cut and manipulate them to SO THAT IT CAN(Make sure what you write is what you mind) form the perfect shape.

.., a mineral found naturally in bine THE BONE, and PLGA, . (You should place period here, not comma. It is better if you reread your summary before you upload so that you can reconstruct better. You have to find the better flow) THAT IS a polymer that binds ...

The team also made an THE implant to heal an ...
Shah says SAID the material should reach ...

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Guardian; Cath Kidston to expand in Asia after Hong Kong firm's takeover [2]

Hi.
Please, check my notes. Hopefully, it can help you to improve your knowledge.
GOOD LICK

The fashion brand which is(You should omit that here) renowned by its floral pattern, (...) to expand after its IT IS(NEVER EVER EVER USE CONTRACTION IN THE FORMAL WRITING) takeover by Hong Kong'S investment firm hiring ...

Besides THAT, last week the firm collaborated (...) Winnie the Pooh, and these new products ...
The company are IS (VERB AGREEMENT) totally entering a new stage (...) to increase its profit.(Don't forget to place comma because it has a different subject) and this year has been ...

... the collaboration products with Disney which is launched in stores this month.
Note: Sometimes , you should harness omitting technic to make it more various.

Writing Feedback / Free trade across countries. Tuesday, October 4, 2016 [3]

Hi Erwin..
these below are my suggestions for your essay. Hopefully, my notes can help you

others argue that free trade threatens local industries, both small, medium, and large industries(It's not essential)


The thesis statement is one or two sentences which describe what you are gonna explain in the body paragraph. Each opinion can be presented by one or two words so that readers can get description briefly.


EACH COUNTRY HAS A PRODUCT CHARACTERISTIC DISTINGUISHING.....
(you should harness words appropriately to describe what you mind.)


THE FREE TRADE MAKES PRICES OF IMPORTED GOODS CHEAPER.
(You should review difference between use of cause and make)


(Avoid repetition. You harness word "cause" more times.)


(verb Agreement... A DISASTER THAT LEDS TO.. You explain a fact if you should the present tense)

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, young people need guidance from adults. Should they take a job before go to university? [2]

Hi Andika..
Please, check my notes to improve your skill.
^_^


I do not know whether that is the hook or not. However, if that is, you actually failed to order your mind. Your hook cannot guide well to the statement. Therefore, be careful of determining the hook.


Honestly, your thesis statement was out of the topic. before you step so far, please you pay attention to the prompt of the statement or question. That are going to help to describe your opinion in the edge of the topic. The question asks you to review advantages and disadvantages when people take a job. you have to be more aware about the prompts..


When you wanna demonstrate an example, you have to explain clearly and totally. It seemed like a layman's opinion because it is less strong. This is an essay so that you have to construct scientifically.


You can review your opinion with using the listing method. The supporting sentence have to be included to strengthen your mind. It is very important to reach the high score.

Note: There are a lot of misspellings. As we know, that is one of major mistakes in writing the essay. Keep in your mind to reread your essay before uploading. Besides that, you should read the example od writing task 2 to get the sense of the essay. It is so far from criterias of the essay.

I really believe you can master for this skill. You only need providing more time to parcatice again and again
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D

Writing Feedback / Human bones can by recreated in laboratory nowadays. [2]

Hi Ifan..
Here are my thoughts throws your summary.

As Intellegent INTELLIGENT society, researchers have utterly (...) dangerous diseaseS including Diabetes, cancer, even THE heart disease.
Regarding to Molly Stevens, A head of A bio-material laboratory, (...) are A great number of bio-materials (...) adapted to the other partS. Compare COMPARING to man-made substance, (...),THE bio-moterial MATERIAL has much more adaptable. Initiaded INITIATED by S.H. Ridley, (...) the exceptionally (ADJECTIVE AND NOUN ARE A PAIR) element within the eye (...) it becomes intramocular INTRAMOLECULAR lense as known as PMMA

... tried to find A substitution of bone for fracture (...) iliac crest has AS potential to be integrated to THE other partS of the bone ...
Hence, they developed y applyibone bng many strategy(Pay Attention to your spelling) and finally they got ...
The method has slightly the same as stem cell principle.

Note: Hopefully, before you upload yours, you are supposed to reread. There are plenty of misspellings.
Happy Writing

Writing Feedback / An Article Summary: Climate Change Could Destroy Wild Relatives of Cereals By 2070 [3]

Hi Miss Fitri.
These below are my thoughts.

... foods such as wheat and rice.(you should place period here. You successfully create the complex sentence, but you do not make it over sine it can break your flow) which provide half (...) by humans, to survive from (...), especially THE rapid climate change. The(you are able to use "THE" because you did not yet mention previously.) researchers then initiate (...) since they have BEEN not able to make A certain statement ...

... adapt to new climatic niches, IN the restricted (...) continue to exist,. thus, moving them to more appropriate ...
... due to the estimation that the predicted PREDICTING THE rate of climate change (...) the estimated speedat which grasses could adapt to new niches(It's better if you separate) .

AsIn conclusion, John Wiens emphasizes THAT "This has several troubling ...

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB

Writing Feedback / Differences in rates of various evening courses at an adult education center [3]


ATTENDED BY FEMALE AND MALE MEMBERS .... .


MEN PREFER JOINING THE PAINTING CLASS TO OTHER ACTIVITIES(Avoid repetition)


APART FROM THAT, A CLOSER LOOK REVEALS THAT THE COURSE WAS DOMINATED BY THE PARTICIPANTS OF THE AGE GROUP OF 50 OR MORE THAN.


TURNING TO THE BAR CHART, THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF WOMEN GROUP PRIORITIZED TO INCLUDE THE LANGUAGE PROGRAM, REPRESENTING AT 40 MEMBERS. MEANWHILE, A HALF AS MUCH WAS THE NUMBER OF MALE PARTICIPANTS IN THE SAME CLASS. THAT COMPARISON BASED ON THE PROPORTION ALSO HAPPENED IN THE DRAMA ACTIVITY, BUT THE LEVELS OF BOTH THE FORMER AND LATTER WERE A HALF OF THE LANGUAGE'S RATE. THE PAINTING CLASS WAS THE MOST FAVOURITE AMONGST MEN, STATING AT APPROXIMATELY 25 PEOPLE, BUT THE NUMBER OF FEMALE PARTICIPANTS WAS HIGHER BY 5 ADULTS. FINALLY, THE MEN SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED DOMINATION OF THE FEMALE PARTICIPANTS IN THE COURSE FOR THE CLASS OF SCULPTURE MARKED AT 10 MEMBERS BECAUSE THE FIGURE OF WOMEN ONLY REACHED 50% AS MUCH.

(That above is the paragraph which clearly shows the comparisons of figures. Keep in your mind that your job in writing task 1 is to compare the figures. Actually, you have made the comparisons. However, you are supposed to harness various comparison words.)

Overall, it is a GOOD JOB.
keep spirit
GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / The future of early cancer detections - Jorge Soto (Summary of TED) [4]

Hi..
Let me finalize yours. Meet my notes and deal with them.. GOOD LUCK

A Complex analysis (...) to A sophisticated technology in this case OF THE molecular technology. (...), Jorge Soto, A technologists and scientists , developed the A smartphone-integrated program. There was A mistake in-term of anamnesist (...) aunt who was death by which .

... get normal injury, and they(Relate to???) decided to give therapy,..

Considering that night mare, he JORGE (you cannot use pronoun if you doeviously yet) not mention prdecided to design program which is(I use omitting here) thoroughly assimilated to smart phone.

... called microRNA,THAT micro molecule related to ...
As cancer is the disease that controlled by the related gene, (...) normal pattern due to BECAUSE ("DUE TO" HAS TO BE FOLLOWED BY NOUN) it can detect the sample ...

... the detector machine wich connected to the smartphone as A prototype.
... detected by the tools and as the sample loaded, SO THAT it will analyse microRNA patterN.

... analysis in term of THE avoiding inappropriate analysis. In hope HOPEFULLY, it will (...) diagnose for THE molecular-relating disease.