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Posts by aflah15
Name: Siti Aflahah
Joined: Jan 5, 2016
Last Post: Feb 21, 2016
Threads: 32
Posts: 18  
Likes: 4
From: Indonesia
School: State University of Makassar

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aflah15   
Jan 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF LIVING IN ONE AND DIFFERENT PLACES [2]

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?

Continuing life in the same place of whole time was the lifestyle of citizens in long time ago. At the present time, most people spend their time in various areas, change their dwells from one to another place over the world. Living in one region brings benefits like knowing environment well and keeping touch with neighborhood, while people are easier to get bored and difficult to improve their knowledge. Inhabitants who stay in different places have a larger relationship and more new experiences. However, they have to adapt in new habitation and understand the culture.

A constant area brings positive and negative effects. In positive side, it provides familiar environment which is important for residents. It is better for them to understand the certain conditions in a place like the natural resources and temperatures as they live effectively by combining their capabilities and environment. Also, they are closer each other with the local because they have lived together in long time period, their life will harmless. However, they face flat situation and cannot find a new action, just repetition of their daily life activities. In addition, their knowledge is limited since they never gain the novel experiences.

On the other hand, citizens who stay in variant regions find sort of merits and drawbacks. The benefits are they know more people and it is excellent for their future as they have lots of colleagues. Moreover, they obtain more experiences which have a crucial part in human life since experience is the best teacher. In contrast, they live in the new habitation which means they have to show their efforts to adapt with the neighborhood and local. The local tradition is also requiring them to pay more attention since different places have different cultures.

To sum up, it is evident that different lifestyles such as live in same or different places have both positive and dire effects. People will have a great life if they are capable to understand and minimize the drawbacks.
aflah15   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Write a passage to show the main reason that polluting the environment and suggest some solutions [2]

There are some suggestions for you:
You have some mistakes, you put plenty of coordinating conjunctions in wrong places and there are too many conjunctions in each sentence.
For example:
"...and we also hunt scarce animals and the others ..."
There are three coordinating conjunctions, you have to understand when we can put each word since they have different rules.
Afterwards, your essay has many referent pronouns, it will be better if you try to paraphrase the nouns. Another problem is your sentence does not have clear structures.

For example:
It leads to that animals that are innocent are
aflah15   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: ATTRACTIVE BUILDINGS OR PUBLIC SERVICES [3]

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The architecture as a vital element of country improvement is assumed by some people. Whereas construct sorts of exciting models are crucial, others perceive that government funds should be allocated to regenerate the other establishment that can increase the quality of human's life especially in education and healthiness. I strongly believe that repairing the public facilities such as schools and hospitals will bring more benefits than build any spectacular scaffoldings.

These days an age, the unique and attractive buildings such as tower blocks are needed in several regions to represent their advanced architectures. It is important for every region since it will be their characteristic which people around the world never neglect the area. Taking Eiffel Tower in Paris as an example. It is very famous tower, so most of inhabitants around the world cannot circumvent the luxurious of Paris. A city will famous when it has an elegant landmark.

In contrast, there are many serious problems that government have to tackle. Quality of schools and hospitals is more essential to improve since it involves human rights and influences the capability of human resources. Schools as mediums of education and hospitals where people consult their health ought to obtain maximum funding from government. To illustrate, Finland has a high criterion in education system which offers remarkable services for students. As a result, the intelligent residents generate more new ideas that affect the country development. Therefore, a country has to guarantee maximally edification and healthfulness of their human resources.

All in all, whilst spectacular architecture is significant as an identity of a country, quality of public services such as hospitals and schools are more important for government, so it is acceptable to expand the money allocation for upgrading the standardization.
aflah15   
Jan 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Should be the government control the water consumption of residents? [3]

As water is a valuable resource, governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


All of people around the world have to consume water to still alive. Even though water is a sustainable natural resource, inhabitants should use it wisely since there is no guarantee of the water availability. I absolutely agree that government who has the highest responsibility of both human and natural resources has to oversee the water consumption of residents.

Different regions have different population. The total of demography influences the amount of water, an area which has more population will need much water. Basically, the highest consumption of water is acceptable since water is used in many primary aspects such as sanitation and irrigation. In addition, there are many advanced technologies that inhabitants can operate to purify water if the source is limited. To illustrate, citizens who live with polluted water can take a water purification tool, so they have lots of pure water. Therefore, it is not essential for government to manage the water consumption.

However, residents have to realize that sources of natural wealthy such as water is uncertain since it depends on rainfall. These days and ages, the weather is unpredictable, so the drought come in several areas as a serious problem. Taking India, Puerto Rico, and North Korea as the examples, residents in these countries lack of water. They cannot distill the water since there is no water there. Also, if they want to apply the technology to generate artificial rain, they have to spend lots of money. It is not the best solution as it brings negative effects on environment. Consequently, government and society have to cooperate to handle this problem.

To sum up, although inhabitants consume more water for their daily life, government has to ensure that water consumption of residents is not excessive because drought will come undetermined. It will be better if they prevent early this problem.
aflah15   
Jan 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of inhabitants increased rapidly in the period of 1900-2000 in different world regions [2]

IELTS TASK 1: World Population by Region, 1900 and 2000

A breakdown of the proportion of the people living in the world in different regions in 1990 and 2000, a century year period is presented in pie chart. The most significant fact to emerge from the graphs is the number of inhabitants increased rapidly in this period. In any case, Asia had predominant percentage out of the other areas.

In 1900, the largest population was Asia, representing three-fifths of all citizens. Although it was still a majority proportion, by 2000 it had fallen to just over a half of the total which comprised Soviet Asia, well known as Asia Pacific. The number of residents in Europe was a half of Asia in 1900, at 25%. It was the second biggest demography, whilst 2000 witnessed a gradual drop at 14%.

In contrast, less population was seen in the remaining region. There were very small proportions in North America, Africa, Latin America, and others countries, at less than one in twenty. However, there was a slight rise in both Africa and Latin America between 1900 and 2000, by virtually 5%. In the same period, demography in North America and others regions remained nearly stable, at 3% and 5% respectively. There was a new area in 2000, Middle East and North Africa which had twice as more inhabitants as North America.




aflah15   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of international trade of transports that use combination of both fuel and electricity [3]

The chart below gives information on the global sale of hybrid vehicles* between 2006 and 2009.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
*vehicles that use both fuel and electricity


A breakdown of international trade of transports that use combination of both fuel and electricity in Japan, United State, and other countries from 2006 to 2009, a 3-year period is illustrated in the bar chart. At first glance it is evident that United State had the largest selling over the timeframe.

In 2006, United State sold over 250,000 machines and reached a peak at 350,000 transports in the next year. However, 2008 witnessed a gradual fall by virtually 50,000 vehicles. In the end of period, the total of conveyances rose sharply to 325,000.

Turning to Japan and others countries, they stood at similar number, about 50,000 in 2006. Both Japan and other regions had small risen in the next two years, but the total selling was only under 100,000. However, there was a significant increase of Japan's trade in 2009, over three times than the previous year, at 325,000 machines. In contrast, other countries still showed a slight growth, just over 150,000 transports as the smallest number throughout the period.




aflah15   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of hybrid vehicle sales of Japan and other countries rose considerably every year - IELTS [2]

...in three different categories: Japan, US and other countries from 2006 andto 2009...
...the total number of three different groups increased from 360,000 to 740.000 sales...
I suggest for you to apply the range of vocabularies, it will be better if you use more various words. Another advice is you do not explain the detail information of trade in Japan and other countries from 2007 to 2008, while you describe clearly about US' selling.
aflah15   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The society should provide appreciation for doctors although also inventors are very important [4]

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?


Healthiness is very essential in human's life since it is one of people's rights. Therefore, some professions such as doctors have a crucial role in community. I absolutely agree that society should provide appreciation for doctors, although there is another people who brings the significant benefits for residents, like inventors.

Scientists who discover any beneficial equipment do not obtain a serious reward from society. Even though their experiments generate many advanced devices, especially in health aspect, government and citizens just offer them retribution in the first time when the tools are introduced. The main reason is today, there are doctors who can operate these devices totality to help any medical problems. To illustrate, patients give their thankful for dentist since they maintain their teeth, but they override that dentists operate a device that someone produces. It is not equitable for inventors as they have spent most of their life to make a tool for resulting the best life. Consequently, inventors should obtain more concern rightly.

However, all residents can feel the positive effects of these convenient devices because there are doctors who learn and apply exhaustive each medical tool. Also, government assign doctors as a worker who has the high responsibility to overcome any health symptoms. It is an earnest and hazardous task because their works are related to human's life, if they have a mistake then patients can lose their lives. For example, a doctor tries to help a patient who has a dangerous ill, but the patient passes away. The patient's family will assume that a doctor does not capable to help their member, while it will be patient's destiny because the doctor has given his best effort. As a result, it is acceptable to represent a significant reward for doctors.

To sum up, it is clear that doctors have a crucial role in community as they provide their best effort to help many people. However, inhabitants should realize that inventors also have a great contribution, it will be fair if they gain a commensurate reward.
aflah15   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Modern World Provide an Unhealthy Lifestyle [3]

Question:
Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.


At the present time, the way of human's life is changing since there are plenty of advanced devices which have a great role in many aspects. Some people argue that this era provides unhealthy style in their life because convenient equipment reduces their efforts and produces much fast food. However, others believe that they are able to protect their health. I strongly believe that people would have the best lifestyle if they try totally to keep their health.

Modern era alters people's life because it produces lots of easiness. To illustrate, now workers operate computers which have advanced features such as internet connection. Consequently, they have to sit longer in front of the computers, so it will make their eyes become more tired. Another effect is their diet. It is difficult for them to maintain the nutrition in their food as they do not have enough time to prepare it. As a result, they tend to consume much fast food which contain sorts of chemical matter. Therefore, their lifestyle become unhealthier.

Others assume that although they have many activities, they can protect their health carefully. In my opinion, citizens who have a high awareness will care their bodies as long as possible. They can manage their time to ensure that they have lots of time for preparing their diet. Also, they should consume any simple dishes which fulfill their nutrition and spend little time. In addition, they gain much information from the internet, so it will be very easy to achieve a better lifestyle in this day. It depends on their desire.

All in all, it is clear that advanced technology alters human's life. Although it generates convenient situation where people lost their best way of life, they still have an opportunity to protect their life if they have a high awareness. If they do their best, then they obtain the best life.
aflah15   
Jan 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the various difficulties that citizens have when they live in a novel country [5]

A breakdown of the various difficulties that citizens have when they live in a novel country regarding to three different age groups and measured in percentage is illustrated in a bar chart. At first glance it is evident that the problems are faced by majority people aged 35-54 which sorting out healthcare is the most complicated problem.

The essential problem for residents are sorting out healthcare. There is a small gap between people aged 35-54 and over 55 who find healthcare as a problem in their life, by 2%. In contrast, just a few youngest group (18-34 years) experience this problem, at 32%. Another crucial problem for people in the middle group (35-54) is financial, over a third of the total. Likewise, the young people aged 18-34 shows 33%. In this case, the proportion of older age group is the smallest number, at 28%.

Turning to the less important difficulties, finding schools for children. People over 55 years find this easier, a very small number, at about 2%. The youngest group provides three times more of the total than older group. However, middle age group still has the biggest percentage, approximately 20%.




aflah15   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: The percentage of teachers recruitment by year of graduation in Ontario [5]

The line graph provides information about selection of English and French teachers in Ontario according to the graduation year from 2001 to 2007, a six-year period and measured in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that a gap between two different teacher's groups had narrowed down in 2001, whereas it showed the large difference in the end of period.

Students who graduated in 2001 and taught English had the similar number with France teachers, at about 70%. Over the next three years, there was a significant drop in the total of English teachers, at approximately a half of the previous proportion. On the other hand,, the first-year French teachers witnessed a fluctuation, at over 50% and below 70% respectively. 2003 to 2005 saw a slight increase, by 3% for both French and English teachers.

In 2007, students who became French teachers reached a peak at 75%, even though the number decreased considerably at over two-thirds in 2006. On the other hand, just a few of the students who were chosen as English teachers in the end of time frame since there was a sharp fall over two years, at 28%.




aflah15   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: The essential communication skills in people's job from 1997 to 2006 [2]

A breakdown of the crucial abilities in the external and internal communication of people's professions according to the two surveys, between 1997 and 2006, and measured in percentage is presented in the table. Overall, it was noticeable that the important skill for communicating with others was dealing with them. In any case, listening to partnerships carefully was the most essential ability in the internal communication.

Turning to communicate within society, 65% people assumed that dealing with others was needed in 1997 and increased slightly by 5% in another year. Having information of several products or services and paying more attention for clients had the similar number, between 35% and 41%. People found that ability of selling a product or service was not necessary in their job, at just a third of dealing's proportion in 1995 and decreased considerably at 21% in 2006.

The communication within company saw the high percentage of listening to colleagues carefully, at 38% in the first year and rose by 9% in 2006. The second largest numbers, between 20% and 30%, were showed by training and identifying problem together. People believed that preparing the activities and persuading or influencing others were less important in communication, at under a fifth of total proportion in 1997 and 2006.




aflah15   
Jan 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / It would be better for their health if every child had a high awareness for keeping fit. [2]

Question:
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?


These days and ages, most children have an unwell lifestyle such as consuming many risky dishes and using too much their time to do superfluous activities. It is a blow for Parents since they are the first teacher in families who have a prerogative to control their generation's behavior. Another place which influences the children's conventionally is school as they spend a quarter of day there. I immensely agree that both parents and schools provide the largest effect on this problem, although fundamentally, every single child should have a high awareness to protect his life.

Family and school are the predominant places to educate children about the way of life as they have the highest power to form their children's routine. Family shows plenty of practical habits in their life that they are easier to imitate and practice. Unfortunately, they escape presenting bad activities. Taking watching TV as an example, they have learned from their parents to watch any useless programs on TV until the middle of night. Consequently, they do not have enough time to take a rest. Therefore, parents have to play their roles carefully and control their children growth perfectly.

On the other hand, most of children's life is spent in school, so there are a lot of activities they have learnt, both knowledge and attitude. In particular, school canteens offer sorts of dishes. They will consume fast food which contains ingredients if their teachers and other school members do not give the right direction. It will be a great responsibility for school to protect their students' healthiness.

However, there is another important cause such as their awareness. Even though parents and schools protect them totally, they cannot preserve their life or alter their bad style if they do not realize the importance of their health. To sum up, it is true that the essential parts are taken by parents and schools as they are closer to children than other. However, it would be better if every child has a high awareness for keeping fit.
aflah15   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Generating electricity from wind turbine - IELTS [2]

The diagrams illustrate a piece of technology for generating electricity from wind and where it can be installed to achieve the productive power. According to the picture, a wind turbine consists of steel tower, blades, wind sensor, and generator. Basically, the blades are made from fiberglass or wood. A steel tower buttresses the blades since it requires high location for reaching much gusts of wind.

The process starts when the wind blows the blades. As a result, it rotates and produces lots of energy. At the same time, wind sensor detects the velocity and direction of the wind. This data will be analyzed by a computer to ensure that the turbine is operated properly. The amount of power which are produced will be collected in generator, about 1,5 megawatts.

The wind strength influences the amount of electricity, so there are predominant possible positions to set this turbine. The first place is in the bottom of sea which approximately a third of tower is in the water. It is a great choice to protect the environment since it will not cause damage in the landscape. Another location is near from house; the turbine is called domestic turbine. The last and the best position is in the high areas, such as on the hill or mountain as it provides the strongest toots, so the electricity which is resulted also has the largest quantity.




aflah15   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / The press should report the residents life who have some inspired story, not some celebrities rumors [5]

'how artists life their days'
Could you find the verb in this sentence? there is not verb here.

However , (why you use this word? it is not appropriate with your sentences ) I strongly agree that the press should report the live about residents who have a motivated story, than information of others' issues.

...every famous person has theirhis own fans,

...and have A high rank for their ratings.

...There will be more benefit, when watchers enjoy it
aflah15   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The advantages of having own business outweigh the disadvantages [2]

Question:
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?


At the present time, some people believe that having own business is better than working as employees in offices. Due to the reason that laboring in any companies lack of autonomy since the majority of power is controlled by the chiefs. In contrast, running a private business provides an independence, improves a creative thinking, and creates the job opportunities. However, it also has plenty of difficulties such as the large capital and alterable profits.

It is clear that every single worker in companies or organisations has a fixed salary for several years according to his contract, so the guarantee in his future is presented. Contradictory, the entrepreneur faces many complexities. The first problem is people who want to start a venture require a lot of money to complete their preliminary properties for producing their first products, like a textile business needs sorts of sewing equipment. Another dilemma is their incomes are unpredictable since it depends on consumers' demands. When their products are becoming famous, they will produce the maximum profits, but when the market condition shows the revers, their trade will fail. Thus, starting and maintaining a business are not simple, it provides extra efforts.

Nevertheless, the merchants believe that even though there are some challenges, making a business offers them many advantages in their life. They have the largest freedom to executing many innovations regarding to their own opinions to advance their productivity and it led them to be the independent people. In addition, the buyers, especially in the culinary aspect, tend to find the attractive dishes which have unique color, shape, or taste. It allows the owner to put their creative thinking in these elements as an identity of their outputs, so it can guide much attention of people. Furthermore, it can help many people because it provides a chance for others who are looking for occupations. When the financial of a trade shows the significant increase, it allows the owner to recruit workers to help him enlarging his business.

All in all, it is clear that being an entrepreneur is riskier than working in the companies since it has many obstacles, like hard efforts and uncertain income. However, it brings positive effects in a larger field such as offering a job for others. Therefore, its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
aflah15   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - the happiness rate of American based on their marriage status [3]

The bar charts illustrate the happiness rate of American based on their marriage status and generation which is resulted from a survey. Both are measured in percentage. Overall, it is noticeable that people who have married are happier than unmarried citizens. It can also be seen that there is no significant effect of having children in the family.

Turning first to the married people in the US in different four age groups, the youngest couples have the highest number, at approximately a half of total, whereas the happiness of people aged 50-64 saw the lowest rank, at 40%. The remain two age groups provide a small difference with the youngest group, by 1%. In contrast, the small rate, at about a fifth of total, is given by bliss level of unmarried residents aged 18 to 64 which covers three age groups. However, the oldest people tend to be happy although they are single since they are the happiest group in this category.

On the other hand, second graph reveals that a gap between all families narrows down. Parents who have children aged under 18 are the happiest family, at 44%, while the adult generation bring the level of their parents' happiness at 41% as the lowest level. Interestingly, married couples who do not have generation show the second largest percentage, at more than two fifths of total. It gives information that children do not affect their parents' happiness.




aflah15   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / THE WIND TURBINE - the structure and process of generating electricity - IELTS TASK 1 [2]

...it can be seen that a turbine IS structured by some essential equipment..
...adjust the rotation of blades which IS made from fiberglass or wood materials...
...such as around locals residentialS in a smaller size of the turbine and just generating ELECTRICITY about 100 kilowatts.
...turbines are possibly placed in the BOTTOM OF sea in order to reduce the harmful effect on the coast.
aflah15   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The air circulation system in the 2-floor house [3]

The figure illustrates the air circulation system which causes the heat loss and energy wasted in the 2-floor house. Overall, air enters the house through every slot in the basement and first floor, while the rested lamp and air which leaks out of the house in the attic release the energy as wasted energy.

According to the picture, some features such as a dryer vent near a washing machine and windows in the lowest floor allow the air to enter the house. Similarly, there are an electrical outlet, a big window and a door in the middle room, also a window and fan vent in the kitchen which provide a space for air to leak into the first floor. It produces the large amount of air in the house which causes the big amount of heat loss.

The opposite process occurs in the rooftop. The air flows out of the house through cracks such as a bathroom fan vent, a plumbing stack vent and an attic hatch. Also, the lamps in the kitchen and attic generate rested light. It affects the energy consumption since it releases the energy, like residual heat from the lamp's light.




aflah15   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The advantages and disadvantages of taking a job between school and university [6]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

These days and ages, graduated students are expected to take a part in working world for several years before they continue their formal education in university. it is immensely clear that young generation will present their best performance in a higher level of education if they have the mature practical skills and own saving accounts. However, it brings negative effects on their life because most of them are positioned in the low-paid job and working period can reduce the quality of their academic skills.

Working for a while provides a large opportunity for young people to construct their life skills in the real situation since they interact with many people who have various characteristics. it teaches them building an attractive communication, controlling their time, and handling money which these abilities are very essential in their future. There could be the best time for adolescents to earn money by their own sweat. It leads them to be independent people since their salary can be allocated for their future education, like reaching the best university. Therefore, having a job gives many positive effects for young people.

However, it is difficult for people who had passed the school to be accepted in the well-paid occupation since most companies require high requirements. Applicants who have the highest degree have a large probability to be chosen in good position, while the graduated students are placed in a lower level. Another drawback is there is a limitation of productive time based on the capacity of their brains. In the working period, they are rare to exercise their brains, then it causes their previous knowledge are forgotten easily. It is a serious problem as in the university they will be taught complex subjects. Hence, they lack of the appropriate jobs and academic skills since they prefer working before entering the university.

To sum up, it is true that having a job before attending a higher level of formal education is important for graduated students since it provides additional income and some social skills which play crucial role in their future. Nevertheless, working can decrease their cognitive comprehension in the university. it would be better for young generation if they can make balance their careers and their education.
aflah15   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - THE IMPORTANCE OF TAKING A JOB AFTER GRADUATED IN HIGH SCHOOL [4]

I will give you a hand..
Actually you do not define clearly the young people that you discuss in your essay. I found that you wrote 'graduated students' in the third paragraph but in the last paragraph, you used 'after passing the high school'. It makes readers confuse about subject that you discuss, so just make specific definition of your subjects.
aflah15   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Electronic media, through their services, can create a great relation between people [2]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days and ages, advanced technology takes a significant part in human's life since it encourages people to alter their lifestyle. In particular, electronic devices as a part of modern equipment are harmful for their reciprocal lives since it leads users to be a selfish personality and lack of real socialization. Although some people argue that it brings drawbacks, I believe that there are many positive effects which have improved the standard of people' lifestyle such as creating a large chance to communicate with others and building the priceless relationship.

Electronic equipment such as computer and smartphone attract much attention of inhabitants, they operate it frequently to go on their social media. Since they find there are a lot of enjoyable activities, like chatting and sharing their great pictures. It causes the addiction of using these devices. As a result, they become an individual person since they just care with their selves. Even though they are in a gathering with their best friends, they just focus on their computer or smartphone and show less interaction with others. It will be a serious problem in their social growth if they still act this behave because they just gain the virtual friendship but they lack of the real socialization such as warm relation and interactive communication with their neighborhood.

Nevertheless, every development wants to improve many aspects in live, so I believe that electronic media has benefits in relationship between people. First, it allows people around the world to keep in touch with their relatives who live apart from them. It is very contrast with citizens in the past, they sent a letter and waited for long time to communicate with others. Another merit is now people have plenty of social media which connect them to many other users. They can find people who have same interests with them and set a time to meet each other. Therefore, these devices construct the strong relation between people.

To sum up, although the electronic equipment can alter human attitudes to their relationship such as being alone and an anti-social person, there are many convenient services that is presented in human's friendship. They can create the great relation with all people and build a precious friendship. Their relation would be more precious if they can control the use of these devices carefully.
aflah15   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The year of 2009 saw a dramatic increase in Japan's sale of hybrid vehicles [3]

...The given bar chart illustrates data about THE global sale of transports ...
...Also IN ANY CASE, the total sales in 2009 increased just over two times than that in the first year.
...In contrast, Japan had AN upward trend over four years. In 2006, it had the same number SIMILAR PATTERN of sales as other
...Then, the sale'S number increased slightly in 2007 and 2008.
aflah15   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people argue that the great device to communicate people should be internet [3]

It is generally believed that the Internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not be the best place to find information.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that the great device to communicate people should be the internet since it provides much information which is easy to access and up to date. However, others assume that it is not the most appropriate media to gain news because every person can upload any explanation which has not clear sources and very subjective. I strongly believe although the internet presents doubtful information, users find much easiness in their communication, especially between people who live apart by operating internet.

These days and ages, the internet is very accessible for every user. It is very easy to create a wrong issue and upload it as everyone has a large right to construct a private account in the internet. Blogs are the main example, now there are many blogs which present sorts of anonymous references since they just plagiarize information from certain sources and do not put the identity of original writers. Also, bloggers tend to combine their subjective opinions with information that they want to share, they contaminate the real information. Therefore, the internet will be an inaccurate place to gain information.

Although there are people who do not use the internet wisely, it helps citizens to build an effective and communicative communication. The internet has used in several decades and improved people's chance to access information. In the past, citizens took very long time in their long distance communication, but today there is the internet which allow people to keep up to date and keep in touch not only with local country, but also people who live in other countries. They just go on the internet and find any facilities such as Facebook. Fortunately, it is affordable for every person and takes only several minutes to make both verbal and textual communication. Hence, it is a great means for communicating people around the world.

All in all, it is clear that the internet can spread inappropriate news since every user has a large opportunity to provide negative and wrong information. However, it develops residents' communication since they just need a shorter time to share and/or gain any information. People can maximize the useful of the internet if they read and analyze carefully news that they read, watch, or listen, especially the sources to ensure that they find the accurate descriptions.
aflah15   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'LaGuardia was the most popular' - TASK 1: The number of travelers using airports in New York city [2]

A breakdown of the number of people who travel by airplane in three different airports in New York city from 1995 to 2000, a 5-year period, and is measured in millions of passengers per year is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it was immediately apparent that LaGuardia was the most popular airport and had an upward trend. In any case, there was a fluctuation in the total of people who visit john. F Kennedy airport.

In 1995, LaGuardia airport was visited by 35 million people and there was a gradual increase in the next four years, by 15 million. Interestingly, by 2000, the total of passengers in this airport reached a peak of almost 70 million as the largest number over the period. Turning to the John F Kennedy airport, the number of visitors stood at 25 million in 1995 then rose considerably from 1996 to 1997, by 10 million per year. However, it was the less famous airport during two years which was followed by significant increase, at 45 million, at the end of period. The last airport experienced a gradual growth between 1995 and 1998, by approximately 35 million, and remained stable for the following three years, at over 40 million.




aflah15   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / High-rise apartment, the cause of community spirit decreasing - IELTS 2 [3]

... especially in apartment which have HAS elevators.

A study done by a team of state university reveals that most people who live in a multi-storey accommodation only go out when they have affairs and walk directly to the escalator because some reasons such as in hurry or others . As a result, they have less time to communicate with their neighbors moreover who live in other floors . It is clear that such building can make the sense of community declining.

Please read your paragraph carefully, your example was not clear.
Why you put 'hurry' as the reason? What was the 'others' means? There was no explanation about your argument.
aflah15   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Should people judge others by their clothes? [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion


Clothes not only protect humans' bodies, it is believed that garments conventionally reflect the performance and characteristic. For this reason, people are precisely judged others as what they wear. However, it is argued that judging people by their clothes is inaccurate opinion. Although dress has different meaning for people, I strongly believe that clothes are the primary need, while the aims of wearing clothes depend on the person.

These days and ages, most people consider fashion plays an important role in their personalities. In particular, people who work as farmers tend to wear a thin and simple shirt with bright colours as they work in farmland in which the sun light is very blazing. In contrast, official workers wear the formal neat suit since they work in an office where the weather is colder and a lot of attractive communication are built between employers and customers. The different clothes portray different personals, so it is acceptable for others to indicate what people are like by their clothes.

Yet there are some who do not believe that what people wear are the imitation of their attitudes since every person has a different style, they wear what they want. No one cannot generalize the characteristics of people as the clothes which are covered their body are same. Another view is clothes are the primary need, everyone has a large chance to apply any styles which are provided comfort in their life. Therefore, it is a false belief to judge people by their dress.

In my opinion, it is a tolerable to create a description of people based on their clothes because many occupations in our country require specific costumes, such as teachers and the government's employees should use their uniforms. As a result, public tend to describe these workers as a polite and responsible person since it is reflected in their jobs. Nevertheless, every person has a right to wear any dress, so the previous belief cannot accept generally, it depends on person's aims.

All in all, it is clear that people tend to judge others by their clothes since it can represent others' characteristics. However, it is not a universal habit some believe that clothes are their predominant needs, not the reflection of their attitudes. It would be better if every person has a deep understanding about others' characteristics before judging them by their clothes.
aflah15   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Shares of Expenditure in the US, Canada, UK and Japan [2]

... health care category in the United States were was the higher shares of total expenditure for housing and health care category than Canada, The United ...

IN ANY CASE, Canada had the highest in transportation and clothing expense.

...Canada and The US had a slight difference, (PUT A COMMA) whereas Canada ...
aflah15   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: transport mode used by traveler in a European city [3]

Overall, the illustration covers two major transportation modeS, which was WERE using fuel and man-powered.
... popular choice for travelling during this period of time PERIOD. In fact, only slightly above 5% of travelers used cars ...
However, those two numberS showed a sharp increase in 1980,
The number of touristss who choose
aflah15   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand - very convenient transaction [2]

A breakdown of proportion of internet-based trade for different four commodities in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013, a 10-year period is presented in the pie charts. Overall, it is immediately apparent that the largest growth has occurred in the film or music sales, while clothes become the most unpopular products in online shopping.

In 2003, people who bought film or music on the internet shops showed a medium percentage, at 21% and increased significantly in 2013, by 12%. Similarly, the rate of books sales had an upward trend although in the first year costumers did not interested in this sector, at less than a fifth of the total as the smallest number but there was a slight rise to 22% in 2013.

Turning to other commodities, travel and clothes. Travelers found online transaction very convenient, at over a third of online sales came from travel services. However, the proportion decreased gradually by 7% in another year. Interestingly, the greatest drop appeared in the amount of clothes. By 2003, it presented the second largest well-known commodity in online commerce, at approximately a quarter of the total but in the following decade, it fell considerably at 16% as the lowest number in this year.




aflah15   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: landscape differences in Stokeford Village [3]

There are some noticeable alterationS in the proportion of infrastructures and farmlandS. Beside that, some buildingS remain unchanged or just experienced a little diFference.

These houses and roads constructionS caused a total elimination of ...
...In addition, the A large house which was located in ...

The bridge which was connecting CONNECTED THE this village into TO the
aflah15   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: When children should start learning? [3]

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight.

How far do you agree with either of these views?


The appropriate period to start learning for children leads an international controversy. Some argue that children should enter the formal education when they are four years old, while others require a higher standards of students' age, between seven or eight. Having an early chance to stimulate brain is essential to improve students' capacity but there are several attitudes of 4-years old children which create ineffective outcome such as their mood and awareness. In contrast, children aged 7 have a better capability to receive various new knowledge. However, I agree that providing a place for children aged 4 to improve their skills is needed, although it is not a part of formal education.

At the present time, most developed countries allow their young generation to gain much knowledge as soon as possible. Playgroups are offered to exercise student's brain frequently in childhood period. Also, they are persuaded to have a high responsibility. However, 4-years old students tend to have unpredictable mood and lack of responsibility, so achieving a great result in learning process is difficult. Nevertheless, offering formal education for students aged 4 is not relevant to their characteristics.

On the other hand, some developing countries apply a different rule in their education system. Children aged below 7 cannot enter schools since the best period to study in formal school is 7. Although students have enough cognitive skills, they are lack of psychomotor skills since the subjects in elementary school focus on academic skills. Physical development is crucial, so offering a place to learn this subject is needed. Although it does not include in the formal education, I believe that it is very beneficial as an option for children who need more exercises in their childhood.

All in all, learning process is better to be given for 4-years old children to improve their psychomotor skills but the readiness of students is very important to consider since it has a large influence in learning result. Therefore, it would be better if it is just a choice, not an obligation.
aflah15   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: The perspective of study alone or with group [4]

... learning about particular subjectS together with peers is more efficient, (PUT A COMA HERE) whilst the opponents think ...

Learning about essay, for example, requireS many suggestions ...

To sum up, although some people believe THAT learning activity together is better, (PUT A COMMA HERE) while the others argue studying alone INDIVIDUALLY is more effectual,
aflah15   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: A higher tax on fast food to tackle the health problems [2]

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. it is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Today's issue is a large consumption of fast food. Since majority of people are grieving from sickness as a consequence of overeating junk food, some people argue that enhancement of taxes on convenient diet should be applied by governments, but nevertheless it is not the most appropriate measurement. It is agreed that other methods such as persuasive communication and preventive education will be more effective.

Practical food plays an essential role in human's lifestyle, it is inevitable for everyone. However, it causes any medical problems, like obesity, high cholesterol, and hearth disease. One of tactical solution Is increasing the tax since it encourages people to buy other food which have a lower price. As a result, some consumers alter their life's menu and limit their consumption of junk food, although it does not show a noticeable change. Accustoming a new habit on diet requires more serious efforts, most people just fight in several week, then they back to their previous attitudes. Therefore, locating a more expensive product is not the long term way to cut the number of fast food consumption.

Due to the fact that teenagers are the predominant consumers of fast food, a British newspaper showed that the main cause is they have a great opportunity and high desire to purchase and try sorts of unhealthy dishes. The price is not the essential aspect determining their choices on food, but their knowledge about the dangerous of convenient food is the most essential aspect. Presenting an interactive parents-children discussion and providing the real comprehension by showing any attractive figures of their body which are attacked can realize students successfully.

All in all, it is clear that junk food affects human's health. Even though the government put a higher price on fast food, people still consume this diet. It would be better if people are taught about the drawbacks of fast food frequently and regularly in interesting ways.
aflah15   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Encouraging Children to Find Some Kind of Paid Work - controversial issue today. [2]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Persuading a job for children is being controversial today. Some argue that it is a false point of view because children's academic achievement can be disrupted, while others say that valuable knowledge is provided as they learn how to build attractive communication with many costumers. Although giving them an opportunity in working field disturbs their focus in school, I believe that it is more wisely to encourage and offer them an occupation.

It is assumed that entering working field for children aged below 18 is wrong since students have to focus on their skills in education. They should not work at the same time, due to the reason that people are not capable in multi-tasking, thus students cannot present their best capacity in academic performance if they have another duty. However, a recent study by Endsleigh found that children who worked part-time were immensely show great achievement in their school.

Priceless knowledge such as well time management and great socialist personality are the positive effects of having an experience as a worker in young age. Having an experience as a worker whilst still at school teaches children to be an independent person and having great time management skill. This effect can be shown in their independence and discipline when they finishing their assignments in the classroom since they learnt it in their working experience. For instance, a student who has a part-time job learnt how to make balance his time for studying and working, and then he applies it in his school when he has a lot of tasks. This results in handling all assignment very well.

In conclusion, even though allowing children to find a job is risky decision since their studying time can be reduced, it is better for their future as they have learnt communication ability which is not appropriately provided in school.
aflah15   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Although locating addicts in prison can alter their bad habit, this solution is not full enough. [2]

Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated? Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Some argue that people who are addicted to drugs should be jailed since they have infringed the law, while others believe that it is a kind of medical problems and should be hospitalized. Even though punishing them into a prison is the practical solution, I believe that allowing and treating them in the infirmary are the best completion.

Jail limits the chance for users to access drugs. This is because all staffs have a high responsibility to observe and manage their activities, so they can adjust to a healthy lifestyle and stop using drugs as they are offered several diets and medicines to decrease their addiction. In reverse, a survey in Indonesia proved that when addicts are confined in a prison, they cannot alter their dependence on drugs since it need more direction and instruction, although they are limited to access it.

Rehabilitation is thought as the great way to help medical problems of addicts. By providing any specific and suitable treatments for them, the cause can be detected and the suitable cure can be presented to reach a noticeable change in their health. A study in many hospitals in England showed that by rehabilitating drug users, the number of addicts has decreased considerably as they gain clear instruction and new knowledge about how to get a healthy life in their cure.

All in all, although locating addicts in prison can alter their bad habit, it does not offer the essential problem and that is the main reason why medical treatment is the right decision to help them discontinue using narcotic.
aflah15   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / WIND TURBINES - how can be constructed and then activated by the wind if located in a proper place [8]

The diagrams illustrate how wind turbine can be constructed which can be activated by wind and show where it can be placed in different locationS. Overall, although wind turbines are CAN BE built in 3 different locations, All of them can be operated well HAVE VARIOUS BENEFITS.

The component of A wind turbines consists of blades-fiberglass or wood for windmill. Also, there is any A wind sensor to adjust speed and direction.

...These elements are supported by A steel tower. The work OPERATION of wind turbines is controlled by a computer.

It is an optimum THE MOST APPROPRIATE location because turbines ...

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