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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 451)

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Scandals -whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. GRE(Issue)

6 - Here is an error: Recently, a judge of the local anti-corruption court in the state of Karnataka in India...

Writing Feedbackvrajveer89 - Jul 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 17, 2010
Is the opinion of the majority-in government or in any other circumstances-a poor

4 - Throughout history, when a kind of opinion or the voice of the government spread about, more and more people...

Writing FeedbackLoftyyyy Girlll - Jul 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 17, 2010
Child Labor in the World - children are not anyone's property.

8 - Well, there is a good example of how the children are mistreated. One of them dropped a glass,...

Writing Feedbackyashsingh - Jul 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 17, 2010
The increasing number of overweight children

3 - i think that you need to explain on the means to prevent it and whether it will actually work....

Writing Feedbackscouser_ - Jul 16, 2010 / airman - Jul 17, 2010
Memory from the past can always give people more specific guide in the present - SAT

6 - Thank you Kevin...You are awesome!! I think I do make my opening sentences sound confused and I will revise...

Writing FeedbackLoftyyyy Girlll - Jul 14, 2010 / Loftyyyy Girlll - Jul 16, 2010
Describing graph + studying the past - two essays

2 - The given bar graph shows in percentage the contributions of three ... The contributions of three sectors changed...

Writing Feedbackvitconbobo - Jul 14, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 15, 2010
'You didn't build that?' - Luck has nothing to do w/ success

7 - Luck is something that is not in one's hands, that could not be controlled. Luck might not come exactly...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jun 24, 2010 / Azeri - Jul 15, 2010
Education comes not from books but from practical experience. (MCAT)

4 - But also Additionally, students have the opportunity to learn essential communication skills, leaderships skills, with which no one could...

Writing Feedbackflavia03 - Jul 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 14, 2010
Developed nations have an obligation to provide aid to the underdeveloped nations.

3 - Countries with a well-established economies, welfare systems, education, and minimal levels of poverty are seen as developed and successful...

Writing Feedbackflavia03 - Jul 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 14, 2010
Clearview town mayoral election (GRE argument)

3 - I would write ...Moreover, there is no clear-cut evidence to suggest that... A small change makes it clearer....

Writing Feedbackvrajveer89 - Jul 12, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 14, 2010
Holistic communication in nursing care

4 - Sad Encouraged to know that my tutor failed me for my holistic communication essay is going to challenge...

Writing Feedbackantolo_kim - Jun 15, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 13, 2010
My (woman's) Weekend -TOEFL

4 - No need for an s at the end of time. Oh, I see that the others have already corrected...

Writing FeedbackNesreen - Jul 11, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 12, 2010
Essay for IELTS : Young people should go to university or not ?

3 - Thank you so much! :) The conclusion is a little (much?) confusing....ㅜ I'll be more careful not to make...

Writing Feedbackpologirl27 - Jul 12, 2010 / pologirl27 - Jul 12, 2010
Advantages and disadvantages of living in apartment blocks.

2 - You are smart to use the word proliferate, but actually it is used in a slightly different way. It...

Writing Feedbackkumar1980 - Jul 10, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 12, 2010
GRE (Analysis of an argument): Handing over security job of a company to a group

8 - "Arms" is less clear, but it is okay. Weapons and ammunition is a very clear way to say it....

Writing Feedbackershad193 - Jul 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 12, 2010
Essay for IETLS: Natural Talents and Trained Talents. Dicuss.

2 - Talented people are those who attain a certain exceptional skill that others' skill cannot be compared to. What...

Writing FeedbackLynn Truong - Jul 9, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 11, 2010
IELTS ESSAY: Effects of mobile phones

3 - I would like to add something... That you do not have to mention that like this: In this...

Writing Feedbacklin54390 - Jul 7, 2010 / Nesreen - Jul 9, 2010
House hunting; 'This group of landlords does not show compassion'

3 - thank you Kevin and Susan, I appreciate the feedback! I have really problems with the lead sentences :o(...

Writing Feedbackmarina2goode - Jul 5, 2010 / marina2goode - Jul 9, 2010
Replacement of the president of a company because of low profits (GRE argument)

3 - Capitalize Salvo. They did not fire her, but instead asked for her resignation, which is different. This...

Writing Feedbackvrajveer89 - Jul 8, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 9, 2010
The most important characteristic to be successful in life and best way to tackle with difficulties

2 - Hi. here are my comments: To begin with, the whole exisence in the world is a rivalry where...

Writing Feedbacksummer_breeze3 - Jul 9, 2010 / Azeri - Jul 9, 2010
The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves.

5 - Hi.. Thanks lot for all the feedback. I will definitely try to work on it!!...

Writing Feedbackvrajveer89 - Jul 6, 2010 / vrajveer89 - Jul 8, 2010
Topic: Events bring people together.

8 - Nowadays, globalization is a common trend, so many events are organized to bring people together. Events can do even...

Writing Feedbackbaohuy - Jul 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 8, 2010
An essay about having a mobile phone.

4 - At the end of the first paragraph, add a sentence. Make it a thesis statement that tells the main...

Writing Feedbackabadi_ksu - Jul 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 8, 2010
If you could disappear for a week, where would you go? check the error

5 - This essay is about what you WOULD do. What would you do if you could. It is a strange...

Writing Feedbackpoaro - Jul 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 8, 2010
TOEFL: All in all, traveling with a companion has a lot of advantages

2 - This is a great post, thanks so much! I'll find some other ways to help... Let's work...

Writing Feedbacklamlam - Jul 7, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 8, 2010
Do you think we should pay attention to the famous people opinions?

4 - I think this sounds better: ...in their master areas of expertise. Use the plural form: Celebrity Celebrities...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jul 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 8, 2010
Increased sales of leisure items. GRE(argument)

3 - You write very well Rajveer! Also, thanks for the great help you have been giving people here at EF....

Writing Feedbackvrajveer89 - Jul 6, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 8, 2010
telephone has greater effects on human kind than television has.

4 - Hey Bob, you have an excellent writing style; it seems like a rhythmic and creative way to structure sentences....

Writing Feedbacklalashow - Jul 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 8, 2010
Where do you like to learn foreign language, in your country or where it is spoken?

NEW - Many people have learned a foreign language in their own country; other have learned a foreign language in the...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jul 7, 2010 / — -
A large factory near your community - do you support or oppose?

3 - "city-dweller" is a countable noun I think, you should change it to "city-dwellers" People would often get headache and...

Writing Feedbacklvnnk - Jul 5, 2010 / lin54390 - Jul 7, 2010
GRE: argument51: antibiotics, a part of treatment for muscle strain patients??

4 - ...who suffer muscle strain should be treated with antibiotics to prevent themselves from getting secondary infections. Besides, the...

Writing Feedbacktiaw - Jul 5, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 7, 2010
Crap to a Craft, David's boredom

3 - Use a comma to separate dialogue from the rest of the sentence: "What to do," he queried in his...

Writing Feedbackwhoau49 - Jul 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 7, 2010
Is creative needed more than ever in the world today?

4 - Actually, I do think this essay has a good clear direction, and you assert your main idea in the...

Writing FeedbackLauratwilight - Jul 4, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 7, 2010
The Odyssey Years, drifting through life without a tangible goal in mind

11 - Hey thanks You know, I did ponder for a while as to whether I should put "mean" or...

Writing Feedbackershad193 - Jun 29, 2010 / ershad193 - Jul 7, 2010
Television- A Boon or a Bane?

6 - Thank you very much...Kevin! I'd surely follow your advice! :D Thanks!...

Writing Feedbacksilkesha - Jun 13, 2010 / silkesha - Jul 7, 2010
Earth is a beautiful planet which will soon be demolished by human activities

2 - Yes, I like this version a little more. This essay is full of wisdom. I really like...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jul 3, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 6, 2010
How media affects the lives of famous people?

4 - thanks Kelvin for helpful suggestion....

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jul 2, 2010 / vaishali1980 - Jul 4, 2010
Is it always essential to tell the truth, or are there circumstances to lie?

5 - Good job. However you can still give some more convincing examples which concerns with history, some far-reaching celebrities or...

Writing Feedbackndwy - Jun 27, 2010 / Lauratwilight - Jul 4, 2010
Telephones and email have made communication between people less personal

NEW - Nowadays technology has developed enormously that people can communicate easily. Last century, we were dependent on post services; at...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jul 4, 2010 / — -
Follow it up with adequate facts ; Limiting inventory to increase profits

4 - There might be a huge chunk of customers who might not bother to participate in such a survey, or...

Writing Feedbackvrajveer89 - Jul 1, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 3, 2010
My Friends - a Challenging Paragraph

7 - Nice! No need for "Each one" Each implies "one." Each one of them had ......

Writing FeedbackNesreen - Jun 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 3, 2010
If Exceed's walls could talk, what would they tell?

3 - After reading your essay, I think you are unhappy with your teacher. There are plenty of things you can...

Writing FeedbackNesreen - Jul 2, 2010 / vaishali1980 - Jul 3, 2010
'cultural monuments' Why people visit a museum while visiting a new place?

5 - Thanks susan and azeri.thanks for your valuable guide.i will try to improve in from my next writing....

Writing Feedbackrupjyoti2706 - Jul 1, 2010 / rupjyoti2706 - Jul 3, 2010
We need neighbors who are helpful, kind, understanding and encouragingr

9 - The generic prompt of sub-dividing ourselves at the base level of individuals assumes a western culture for the ambassadors...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jun 30, 2010 / Mustafa1991 - Jul 3, 2010
developed countries help the third world countries

4 - Second para 3rd line ....cut off from outside the world by mountains, forests...its not a mistake but from my...

Writing Feedbackshirui - Jun 28, 2010 / rupjyoti2706 - Jul 1, 2010
Essay on organ donation and genetic screening for philosphy

3 - Rajveer, we're so privileged to have another great participant helping to make these threads excellent. Division23, whjat is...

Writing Feedbackdivision23 - Jun 29, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jul 1, 2010
people visit museums when they travel to new places; 'curiosity about ancestors'

4 - A museum is place where people can see history, culture and creativity. There are many reasons that people ...

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jun 28, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 30, 2010
Write about anything we feel effects our world

6 - thats such a lovely essay!.. :D however, there is something that I did not like--u misspelled the name of...

Writing Feedbackdidi4 - Jun 27, 2010 / silkesha - Jun 29, 2010
ILETS: Description of a camera

3 - This is some great writing! I found a run on sentence, though: At the sides it has two...

Writing FeedbackTetanya - Jun 27, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 29, 2010
IELST essay : "learning by doing" or through books and teachers.

5 - This is a great thread! Everyone really gave some excellent help... Here are some ideas: Many language teachers...

Writing FeedbackSinclair - Jun 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 28, 2010
Giving money to sports activities is as important as giving money to libraries

6 - Thanks again Kelvin to realize my small-small mistake, which I have to check properly....

Writing Feedbackvaishali1980 - Jun 25, 2010 / vaishali1980 - Jun 28, 2010
Extracurricular activities bring various benifits to both students

2 - ...adequate funding to students' sports and ... .. various benefits to ... both students and the universites...

Writing Feedbackviebboy - Jun 26, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 28, 2010
Factors contributing to job satisfaction and its importance

5 - Job satisfaction is really a big factor for a professionals because it brings enjoyment while working, which in turns...

Writing Feedbackrupjyoti2706 - Jun 25, 2010 / EF_Susan - Jun 27, 2010
IELTS: essay about British and Australian laws

2 - Sorry, I've just realised your question "Susan" ( For example, if the jury knew the criminal past of...

Writing Feedbackwemo - Jun 24, 2010 / wemo - Jun 26, 2010
Doing a job with hands or with your brains?

4 - It sounds strange to say you have aptitude in thinking. Use this to be specific: ...special aptitude for...

Writing Feedbackhasty2150 - Jun 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 26, 2010
Chronic fatigue and depression in USA vs Asia: Reasoning of an argument

4 - You are making a new assertion here. It's not necessary to do this. The most important thing to...

Writing Feedbacksprasad89 - Jun 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 26, 2010
Victims in five different age groups in Venezuela - Table chart

3 - I see essays like this sometimes. It is to describe a chart that is shown on a test....

Writing Feedbackcathyliu - Jun 25, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 26, 2010
Educational benefits of computers

4 - Phil, you are making this site a better place and promoting your service in a very cool way. I'm...

Writing Feedbacklowryder49 - Jun 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 26, 2010
IELTS : Attitude of students is the main reason for many problems

2 - Hi Choi, It;s nice to have you participating here. I saw another thread where you were giving feedback about...

Writing FeedbackYumi - Jun 24, 2010 / EF_Kevin - Jun 26, 2010
IELTS essay: Factors Contributing to Job Satisfaction

5 - Thanks Kevin, you are always an inspiration....

Writing Feedbackershad193 - Jun 24, 2010 / ershad193 - Jun 26, 2010

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