Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 Topic: a well-prepared strength and fitness vs mental training in sports competition [2]


In what instance? The restatement is incomplete not having referred to the subject of the discussion which is sports. The topic introduction lacked substance in relation to the reasons provided since there was no central topic provided.

Okay. Here is the main problem with your presentation. You are using a personal opinion for both reasons in each paragraph. The preferred format is to have the writer consider the public opinion first. Present 2 sentences representing the public, then use a transition sentence to connect these to your 2 sentence personal opinion. Yes, this is a comparative discussion presentation. Do not convert it to a personal opinion presentation alone. Use proper pronouns for differentiation and grammar accuracy. Consider why the public supports each opinion then agree or disagree with it.

Writing Feedback / Do you think higher education is necessary to succeed in life? [2]


What exactly do you mean by this? I believeit is a word choice error as this references an area of learning rather than a university degree. just because the combination of words sounds fancy and advanced, does not mean it is applicable to the discussion. Check the word or phrase reference before using it. Make sure it applies to the discussion. Errors like there can lower the score.


Prompt deviation. your reference and discussion should only focus on


based on the question


. Your additional. unrelated response will lower the restatement score. Any and all references to this topic will not earn score credits and will instead, be deducted from your word count, resulting in a failing score.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: Whether cultural traditions are destroyed by turning them into tourist attractions? [4]


Why did you center on vietnam? That is not the focus of the essay. The discussion focus has changed. This inaccuracy will result in a scoring deduction.


Give your opinion at once since you are implying the 5 paragraph discussion forumat rather than the 4 paragraph, per public . consideration (a personal opinion for each reason).


Another incorrect topic reference, another deduction applied. Use a general country reference next time.


You have a completely wrong understanding of the original topic as provided.

All task 2 essays do.not have a particular country focus. General discussions should use reasons applicable to any country. You may use your country as a stated example but, it should not be the discussion target.

Scholarship / Chevening leadership essay/Leadership is more of responsibility than a title [2]


The reference is not applicable in the context of the essay. just remove it. you don't need to provide a childhood eample.

The first example is niether a leadership nor influencer reference. The activity you participated in was in a tutorial roll. It might have been used as an influencing reference if such an implied action on your part was present in the activity. You can try to revise the paragraph to give you an influencer roll in the activity. Do not try to make ita leadership reference. That will be difficult to prove owing to your role in the group.

The election example does not strongly portray you as a leader. Where is the evidence of your negotiation, peace-keeping, and mediator skills in this instance ? Both paragraphs are non. qualifiers.

Writing Feedback / The government should prohibit the businesses to engage with the fast-food industry [4]


Seeing as there was no specific Agree or disagree response choice for this direct . statement, you could have varied the response by using a Yes or No response instead. The yes or no option appears to be more applicable in this case since there is only one - for you to comment on. Varying the actual response will help you show a wider response format style as well. buch an ansever is also more attuned to your response thesis.


Use a more recent sample since fast food items are already somewhat regulated by the FDA and Department of health in every country. The age of the information, being over 41 years old makes it appear researched. The example provided also does not contain a connection to fast food preparation in the 21st century. You are using early 20th century data instead.


What needs to be clear about fastfood.It has to be CLEAN. A word choice error and it's subsequent improper use in the sentence occurred.

The writer understood the topic and delivered a mostly cohesive and coherent discussion. However, there are still vocabulary and reference errors that will lower the score.

Writing Feedback / The higher fee for the foreign visitors when they come to visit the host country historical sites [4]

The first paragraph will recieve a failing preliminary GRA score due to improper sentence structure. The writer delivered a run - on sentence rather than a properly developed 3-5 individual idea/topic sentence paragraph. The presentation clearly shows an inability to control a written sentence format.


Inequality. The writer failed to use the correct word due to either a lack of proper vocabulary knowledge or a failure to proofread. Either way, it is still a clear LR deduction.

The writer shows a clear understanding of the topic and how it should be discussed. However, his word usage and sentence structure flaws could cause him to recieve failing scores in the applicable sections. Strengthening the writer's skills will help him gain better scares in the said areas.

Undergraduate / Your activities (up to three) to which you attached meaning and devoted yourself in high school [2]

The response to this prompt should focus an activity that challenged the applicant's skills or, helped develop character through a trying moment that was eventually overcome. Think outside the box. These are safe but generally empty answers. The activity is too shallow in terms of participation, experience, learning, and in some instances, personal enlightenment. It will be better if you change the topic choices for the discussion. Allow the essay to gain more depth by showing some vulnerability that helped you learn about who you are in 3 personalities related to varied activities. These current activities may be used if the presentation is better developed in editing.

Scholarship / GKS scholarship essay for political science and international relations [2]

Do not refer to North Korea in the opening statement since your interest only developed for south Korea. Do not mislead the reviewer since he will look for a North Korea reference in the statement.


Do not used commonly known information. The reviewer already knows about it. Do you not have a more unique motivation to speak of?


Excellent research, useless information for the rememer. He does not need a lesson on what makes their academics great. Again, this is common information that is not considered a motivation.

Don't you have any notable accomplishments in terms of academic and extra-auricular awards.These are the T links that really help enhance an application. The ust of the essay does not meet the actual prompt requirements. The references are too vague and so, lacks supporting evidence to make it true.

Writing Feedback / I totally agree with the statement that arts should be compulsory at school [4]


The formatting of this sentence should have been divided into 2. Rather than saying there are 2 main reasons, present the reasons individually in a manner that provides an overview of the topics within the school and personal settings. Such a presentation would have added clarity and coherence to the succeeding paragraphs. That said, I must commend the writer for the creative prompt restatement.

Do not go beyond 2 reasons.The prompt isa standard 4 paragraph presentation, with a 2 paragraph reasoning allotment. It is the entry of the 3rd reason, which could have been easily merged with the second paragraph that led to the under discussed second paragraph. Without this error ,the essay would have been in a better place for a higher score since the essay only has negligible errors.

P.S. Aim for a 2 sentence conclusion as required next time.

Scholarship / Draft of personal statement for GKS / fashion design [3]


Expand this discussion to offer evidence of your claim. You may use this part to discuss obstacles you had to overcome. Use a seperate paragraph the develop the presentation.


Delete due to irrelevance. You are perhaps the 50th student whose application I have read so far that uses this excuse / reason for the application. Itis a worn out reason the reviewer is no longer interested in reading about.


Discuss evidence of how you excelled in the subjects. The discussion must be supported by your grades transcript.


Explain why and how your interest in fashion started first. Then proceed by connecting this with your interest in European coture and eventually, Korean fashion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic: Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities [2]

Please refrain from practice essays until you have become more familiar with the general paragraph format and specific opinion presentation typer for the task 2 essay. This needs to follow the standard 4 paragraph discussion composed of 4-5 sentences with a clearly outlined opinion presentation. The 5 paragraph optional presentation is sometimes used when asked to discuss both views and offer an opinion.There is also the word count minimum of 250 words for each essay, regardless of discussion type.

Based on the aforementioned explanation,I am sure you can understand why this essay cannot recieve a passing score. It has to be given a failing score due as it misses out on the required presentation requirements.

Writing Feedback / THE CAUSE AND SOLUTIONS TO STUDENT INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR [4]


Unacceptable. You were not being asked to repeat the guide qquestions. The requirement was to directly provide 2 causes and solutions responses. Outline the discussion topics. Provide thisis statements that will offer an insight into your English discussion skills. There are no opinion statements present. The format is only partially represented.


Do not use researched information. This data does not fall under public knowledge or personal experience and knowledge as suggested by the prompt. You will be unable to research during the actual test.

The truth is, the essay is very well presented but, this type of 300+ word presentation cannot be completed within the 40 minute time allowance. Practice writing in concise sentences.

Writing Feedback / Do you agree or not, that hobbies give more sense of satisfaction when they are more difficult? [4]

The prompt restatement is not altered enough in terms of keywords and thought reference fron the original. It needs to be changed a bit more in terms of sentence structure to be accepted as a paraphrased statement. The opinion sponte is partially correct only. This is a measured or degree response essay. Yes, it is based on an agree v disagree format. However, it requires an emotional representation of the writer's support of the opinion. The essay will recieve a partial TA score as the response format is still only partially correct in presentation format. The paragraph also fails to represent q complete paragraph. That should be presented within 3-5 sentences. 1-2 sentences is only a partial paragraph.

The conclusion should follow the same format. Seperate the sentences by idea or topic. One sentence each.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Pie charts: electricity production in 2 countries [2]


Look at the images provided. More than one right? Therefore a plural word form for the image should be used. Anytime more than one image is presented, the reference goes from singular to plural form.

As for the trending statement, it must include a reference to all 5 power source types to complete the measurement sauce presentation. If not inclined to present the names in the trend, then list there along with the image identification section.


Both country references need true values mentioned in the manner present in the chart. Every sentence must offer factual information.This does not because the reader has to guess what the values are.

Writing Feedback / Recycling Problems - IELTS writing task 2 [2]

The restatement + response in not properly presented. While the paraphrasing is acceptable, there was a failure to deliver question responses as directly required. The examiner does not need the questions repeated. He already knows what there are. He needs to see your ability to respond quickly to discussion questions as if you were participating in a class discussion. He is judging your swift logic and reasoning skills in this section. You failed to deliver.


How does this reason relate to the first? The reasoning in this paragraph lacks cohesion. The seperate topics leave the reader confused.

The solutions paragraph was again blurred by the sudden insertion of a fining sugstem. It disconnected the cohesive discussion in relation to the previously stated causes.

Writing Feedback / Olympics participants writing bar chart [3]


Identify each chart type individually as each image has a seperate, standalone function in terms of data presentation. There are not both graphs. One is a line chart, as evidenced by the fluctuating lines. / The other is, for obvious reasons, called a bar chart.


This refers to the overall winner of an event. Something not referenced in the presentation. This incorrect descriptive tuum lowers the vocabulary and grammar scores.


Female athletes. The writer is definitely going to fail based on his inability to properly structure sentences and use English words within context. He needs to become more skilled in the word usage of the language.


Over 88 years. The writer is making so many coherence error based on word usage that the final score will definitely be failing.

Letters / Motivational Letter to JEMARO Program [3]


This is relevant to the reviewer. You are not telling him anything he does not know about the field yet. Delete the whole paragraph. Think of something else to say in its place or skip it altogether. Losing it will not affect the presentation in anyway. It is irrelevant. by the way, never use etc. in an academic presentation. It is too informal.


Weak reference. There are no justifications to the specific program areas within the general claims. It could refer to any intinship programs. Align the claims with specifics.


What did you learn, accomplish individually, and call attention to yourself and skills for? This is not a standout reference.

[quote=melegy97]Hence, I see a promising business idea as an outcome.[/ quote]
Which is ?

Writing Feedback / The number of men in senior development position in three companies (1980 to 2010) [3]



Word plural reference error.The image always refers to more than 1 in any instance. All task 1 references are plural in form so "men" not" man", "positions" never " position". Use the letter S within the reference word to signify the plural form.


Sloppy spelling that shows poor vocabulary skills or lack of proofreading skills. The word is spelled as "initially".


Refer to the speed of competition as pace so the word is "outpaced" without need to use the definite article "the".


Had is the past refence to "have". So the word "increase" should have a D at the and to indicate the past event. Unless referring to a future projection, all references are in past form.

Writing Feedback / Automated driving system may soon replace humans in operating vehicles [2]


Incorrect word reference. Personnel refers to staff members of a particular function. That is different from and often confused with the word "personal" which indicates the actions of a person such as "a personal error ".

The question is one sided. since you believe and support the like that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, then the essay should offer evidence to support this theory. As such, presenting the alternate opinion first fails this presentation in 2 ways:

- It creates a confusing opinion presentation.
- It leaves the actual opinion under explained. There is not enough evidence presented to support the given point of view.

Always aim to disprove the opposing opinion to help support your statement. Never say the A and D are equal in perception as you presented here.

Scholarship / ERASMUS MUNDUS SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY - EUROPUBHEALTH - PUBLIC HEALTH [3]


This is not a good motivating factor as it is theoretical rather than experience related Theoretical concepts read in magazines are not normally accepted as motivating agents.


A worrisome reference. What if you tire of public health midstream? You are beginning to set an image of yourself as a lousy EM candidate. choose your words carefully.


Focus on dental heaIth related public related issues.

There is a disconnect between your training and studies in relation to Public Health. Your candidacy is weakened by the percieved career change on your part. Either explain the motivation for the career change or, align it more with your actual medical background, training, and exposure.

Letters / Motivational letter for CERN Technical Studentship [4]

Paragraphs 3-5 are the true representatives of your motivation and qualifications for higher study. There may be used to create the foundation of the new version. These data must be better developed and highlighted. Specially the personal accomplishment part. Polish your personal accomplishment and qualifications in relation to CERN interests. It lacks polish and the awe factor. Also, you should better explain why CERN stood out for you as an internship. Why CERN? Why Geneva specifically ? motivations for these questions should convince the reviewer that a proper degree of assessment and consideration went into this decision. The reasons provided are only establishing platforms that can use further related motivational aspects.

Undergraduate / MIT Essay: I am a BLEND. Cultural Identity short essay. Evaluate my essay. [4]

You are trying to use the available space when you should be using the optional larger space to develop your blended cultural background and identity. Review the work.This is a 2 at the most. There are seperate descriptions but no blending completed. The blend should be in a second paragraph that explains how you honor your roots in your blended personality. How does the blend make you unique? Which of the cultures do you prefer and why? Dissect your character to give the reviewer an in-depth look at your uniqueness and potential as a diversity candidate of foreign roots. These are all parts of a person that fail to create a truly blended look at who you are.

Undergraduate / My background and identity - I'm from Morocco - country with people attached to their traditions [4]

You need to use the optional box to allow yourself more space to discuss the topic. Fitting your response into the text box makes the essay impersonal. The depth of your introduction and personality presentation needs more space. You have more to say, I can sense that. Talk more by writing more. Expand on all aspects of the discussion. Limiting the response also limits the knowledge and understanding that can be gained by the reviewer from the written interview. Personally, I believe that the information here is too touristy when you need to blend information about yourself into this presentation. Remember, your cultural background has to explain how you became who you are today. That is missing in the response.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows the percentage of people in the different age group who went to the cinema [2]

The writer has done the simplest reporting presentation. The report avoids a complete and accurate comparison analysis. This shortcut long sentence presentation did that. Without a properly presented individual idea sentence per paragraph, the coherence and cokeswereas of the presentation is lacking. There is no true simple and complex presentation either. So there are at least 2 points where the writer will recieve problematic scores. The writer must focus on developing written thought clarity through the proper structuring of sentences based on analytical reports. This essay is risked and focused on simple scoring considerations only. A more comprehensive piece of writing would better help the overall score. Use 3-5 sentences to meet this challenge.

Writing Feedback / History or Science and Technology - what ought to be the major priorities in schools' curriculums? [2]

The summary overview is incomplete. It must restate both public opinions before you present your personal point of view. That is the task accuracy requirement and delivering only a partial representation means a failed topic restatement. You do not want to recieve a less than passing score in this section since it will be difficult to recover from it.

The reasoning discussions do not properly support the writers opinion. The contradictory opinion should be presented based on why it has public support, then, the writer should explain why this support is incorrect. The focus should be on the strength of the writers opinion when compared to other, alternate reasons. The first reasoning paragraph lacks that debate presentation.

Scholarship / Personal Statement GKS - English language and literature major [2]

The main question that is not responded to in this statement is, why would a non-native English speaker want to study English language and literature in a county that does not teach their classes in English but in Hangul? English being a rarely used form of academic communication. Bearing in mind that you have to pass a Korean language rather than English language test, one will wonder if you have fully considered the validity of your chosen major. There is no proper motivation presented and justification to study in Korea based on the chosen major Additionally, there are no notable English language accomplishments to explain the start and development of the interest in English language and literature.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that the world should have only one government rather than a national government [2]

Use a single % defense for this discussion. since you were asked for your opeman, the foundation off the discussion must be based on 1 merits of the system you support. so the first reasoning paragraph is not considered as a part of a properly developed discussion. The second paragraph that supports the opinion will be considered instead. This partially developed response may not reach a passing base score. An additional supporting paragraph based on a related supporting reason would have completed the development of the opinion.

At this point, the writer shows an understanding of the topic and a clear openmon. It was the defense paragraph that went wrong.

Writing Feedback / In recent years, the rate of youngster watching television amplify in a hurry [7]

I am afraid that the writer's exaggerated form of word usage is the biggest problem with regards his writing skills. This essay sounds more like a dictionary was used for word references. The writer chose complicated sounding words and used them. Unfortunately she did not understand the meaning of the word, nor how to use it properly in a sentence. He tried too hard to impress and failed. Word usage, when done properly increases the score across all considerations. Used improperly and you end up with this failing score presentation. There is no reason for this essay to recieve a passing score in any aspect because of wrong word usage, wrong sentence structure throughout, and a lack of coherence in the thought presentations.

Writing Feedback / Line Graph Task-Compare the rate of inflation and GDP in VietNam between 1999 and 2011 [3]

Do not capitalize any sentence in the summary overview except for the first letter of every new sentence. Do not shout at the examiner. Use the correct variety of upper and lower case letters at all times. Keep the academic tone consistent throughout.

For the summary overview, there needs to be a clear identification of the 2 line representations. As these are color coded lines, the proper differentiation in the line descriptions, and correct line type identification based on the color code adds to the clear restatement of the image data.


Word choice error. The word used should have been growth as it is a past form reference.


Are you referring to a different time frame from the one mentioned in the next line? Review your presentation for reference clarity after completing the draft. Revise as needed.

Writing Feedback / Air pollution's problems, its effect on Earth's creatures, and possible solutions [2]

Please note that writing a mere 234 words could result in an automatic failing score.That is because there is a 250 minimum word requirement for the task. Anability to meet this count indicates a severe lack of vocabulary, grammar skills, and logical thinking. To avoid the word count deductions, write at least 250 words. That will only earn base score considerations but, will not gain any word deductions that may lead to a failing score.

Avoid further grammar deductions due to incorrect punctuation usage. A comma cannot be be followed by any other punctuation mark. A punctuation mack is used one at a time. That is the standard punctuation usage rule and has been for ages. Do not try to change grammar rules that have been set in stone. The writer will recieve a failing G R A score because of the obvious lack of sentence structure and punctuation usage skills.

Writing Feedback / Schools should emphasize national literature and history for various reasons [2]

The essay does not meet the 4 paragraph discussion format for a task 2 essay. When the word count is checked, it becomes clear that the writer did not with the minimum 250 word count either. This presentation will not get a preliminary passing score at this point. The writer has failed to represent the basic requirements because he is not familiar with the required writing format. Failing the preliminary considerations makes it difficult to achieve a passing score when individual sections are relieved. It is important that the writer learns the various task 2 response methods before proceeding with more practice essays.

Next time, divide the presentation as follows:

Paragraph 1 : Restatement + opinion
Paragraph 2 : Reason 1 + explanation + example
Paragraph 3 : Reason 2 + explanation + example
Paragraph 4: Discussion restatement + closing sentence

This is the basic task 2 discussion format. In this version ) only the reasoning paragraphs are presented.

Writing Feedback / With the flourish of technology, working online has increasingly emerged as a new development [2]


The original prompt does not ask you to present an opinion. The discussion instruction requires a non-opinionated advantage V. disadvantage presentation only. A neutral discussion that offers suggestions, but not a decision or one- sided opinion to the reader. The discussion approach is incorrect this time.


Most people across the world do not live with their parents as most Asians tend to do. so there is no danger of parents walking in on a person while working. Use a more mature and westernized sample next time.

The conclusion does not meet the 2 sentence, 40 word requirement. It also offers a repeat of a single point of miw opinion in contradiction with the orginal discussion requirements.

Writing Feedback / Four main reasons why teenagers from one African country use their phones [2]


How many pie charts? A reference to the number of images and how these images are divided should be clearly represented because each image has a specific measurement representation. What are the 4 primary reasons? What were the inclusive dates of measurement? The summary overview is not complete in terms of short information. The presentation also needs to be spread out over several sentences to achieve summary clarity. Yes, you mention these information in better detail in the paragraphs. However, these need to be summarized for the reader to deliver a short form of the intricate reports in the succeeding paragraphs.


What was the end of the period?

The writer gets the information into the report, but does not focus on the sentence structure in the presentation. The lack of focus on reduced GRA errors are what limits the score of this presentation.

Writing Feedback / The process of transforming geothermal energy from cold water into electricity [2]



Use a different descriptive phrase next time. Avoid using the same presentation words from the original. When the writer uses the same words, the writer is deemed to ber incapable of writing in his own words, based on his own understanding. The assumption will be that the writer has a limited vocabulary and can only write in memorize phrases. It lowers the vocabulary related scores.


This is an unclear reference phrase. Wrong words were used to refer to "proceeds" or "proceeded" to the next level. Sentence structure in relation to word usage is becoming an obvious problem in the report.


Refer to this as the final stage in the process. It is important to seperate the procedures towards the end, where the final steps tend to be merged in the report. This removes clarity from the pargraph presentation and could affect the clarity score.

Writing Feedback / The prompt: Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. [4]

When asked "Why do you think this is so?" that is the opening for the thesis statement presentation. It means, a precise and direct reason for the occurrence must be presented as a part of the opinion statement. It cannot be responded to vaguely by giving a non descriptive response. When asked for reasons or a reason, provide one. This will tell the examiner that you understand the topic and what the discussionr requirements are. The current presentation is only partially responsive in terms of response format and answer requirements. This is a 3 sentence presentation.

Sentence 1: Topic
Sentence 2: Response to the first question
Sentence 3: Response to the second question

The reason paragraph is good. It is not grammatically perfect but, it allows a clear understanding of the thoughts of the writer just the same. It works because the logic within the presentation is focused on a single topic. It covers all the required elements of the paragraph presentation. However, the same cannot be said for the second reasoning paragraph.

Do not use a compare and contrast presentation because this is a single opinion essay. Both reasons you present should prove that disadvantages are actual advantages. It should not indicate a confusing presentation that blurs your actual opinion when compared to your restatement paragraph.

Scholarship / ''The forgotten war''. Personal Statement - INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION - GKS 2022-U [2]

Using 2 quotes from different personalities to open your essay does not really help with your presentation. Most reviewers do not appreciate the use of these quotations because the applicant is out to impress them, using the point of view of other people, which is of no interest to them. Say something original instead. A personal belief, a mantra, even a family saying, would be more acceptable and relatable to the reviewer than the words of Soros and Robbins. Their words work for their intentions, but do not fully relate to your own intentions.

The motivation in relation to culture is misplaced since you are interested in applying as an undergraduate in Business Administration. You should be discussing your motivation, influences, or experiences that led to your decision to pursue Business Administration as a career instead. Remember, the motivating factors should be mostly academic at the start, with the motivationt to study in Korea being represented towards the end of the personal statement.

Writing Feedback / The map with potential sites for two new shopping malls & major transportation features of a town [2]

Try to deliver a more precise review by using the 3-5 paragraph presentation. Using the compressed presentation method is certainly quicker, but limits your ability, as the writer and reported, to fully utilize the C+C and GRA scoring considerations. The limited sentence presentation also limits the ability of the reporter to deliver a proper mix of simple and complex sentences. The run-on presentations do not always help the presentation. In the task 1 essay, the longer and more detailed the sentences are, the better the scoring possibilities. Aim to fulfill the requirements for the C+C and GRA sections as these are the more notable scoring sections for this task. The grammar is good. It does not contain any grammar errors that would reduce the score but, the presentation is too limited to help you gain a higher consideration in the end,.

Undergraduate / Cite cases in which you thought/attemped in ways different from others & how it affected you. [3]

The presentation is admirable when it comes to the personal effect discussion. What happened to the discussion about how your steadfastness affected those around you? Reference to this at the start, in your childhood was made. Discuss this at present. Have things improved for you in the sense of how others view you? Why? Why not? Balance the discussion to allow a clear timeline reference to take place. The progression will bring more importance to your chosen topic. The development and changes can be used as a character evolution reference on your part. Depending on the max word requirement, there appears to be more room for presentation development. Utilize the opportunity to strengthen the presentation.

Scholarship / Motivation letter for DAAD Scholarship at Munich Intellectual Property Law Center [3]

The first paragraph repeats information that can be gleaned from the applicant's CV. Remove it. Delete all repeated cV references as these are not considered a part of the motivation letter. Revise the 2nd paragraph to become a more suitable opening statement instead. The second paragraph is a lengthy introduction to the law background of the applicant, again it lacks a motivational focus. These information can be found in the CV. The letter of motivation should not be mistaken for an expanded CV or CV in essay form. In fact, this presentation does not contain a proper reference to career motivations, this letter is totally useless.

The second half? It fails to present believable information about the university choice in relation to future career plans. It appears that the applicant has not read the guidelines in relation to developing a proper DAAD motivational letter You better do that before starting on a new version.

Writing Feedback / Ielts - data on the spendings of citizens in the UK on three categories of fast food in 1990 [2]


Seperate the data presentation. Pizza was consumed ata different financial representation. Do not assume shared data. This error shows that the image values were not properly assessed. One item= one reference. Avoid merging information the avoid information errors.


The currency reference is missing an S at the end. This should be presented in plural form. The currency reference is correct in other sections.


What happened to the one hand? When using this comparison reference, do it in partner references/phrases. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense to use the reference.


This should be an individual sentence as the food reference in for an unrelated disk

The writer has done a pretty good job at analysis presentation. More grammar and vocabulary lessons are needed since there are where most of the errors forus.