Writing Feedback / What have you learned from syntax course? [2]

Refer to yourself throughout the essay. You may refer to yourself as I, me, myself. or variations thereof. Do not use the first person pronoun you because the paper does not reflect the learning of other people in the course. It refers only to your learning. Change all the you references to I, or other personal pronoun references. You should also change learning time references to past tense since you have already completed and learned from the course. Your thoughts with regards to what you learned in the course is understandable. You get your point across clearly enough. There are some points that could be cleaned up or better presented. Unfortunately, I am unable to edit those sections here.

* Limited review provided. Contact me privately for editing services.

Writing Feedback / The charts below show information about three diffenrents deserts around the world. [2]

In the first paragraph. Aim to use the standard 3-5 sentence format to aid with the coherence of the paragraph. along sentence presenting several information tends to confuse the reader and could potentially lower your GRA score due to reader stress.


You cannot use the plural indicative of this, which is these, without indicating the number of images provided first. This error will relate to LR , GRA, and C+C deduction scores. Indicate the seperate information as provided, per table. You neglected to inform the reader of the desert regions which was included in parenthesis along with the location information. Your essay only has partially correct data presentation as it omits several important references.


This report does not require a personal opinion. That is not a required nor indicated presentation information. Task 1 does not require a thesis statement which is what a personal opinion represents.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Buying things on the Internet - e-commerce trends evaluation [2]


Not towards. We already exist in the 21st century. This is incorrect word choice as it relates to your LR score. You should have used the word "forward" to indicate active existence for the reader in the current / 21st century.


Because? This was an excellent thesis foundation. Sally, rather than starting off witha strong discussion topic, you chose to open with a weak instruction restatement instead. You have limited your ability to get a high TA score with this presentation. You start off the essay with low scores in the TA and LR sections. Not a very good preliminary score.

You must remember the discussion instruction / question:


The problem with this presentation is that you do not really disprove that the advantage is really a disadvantage. Rather you have one paragraph explaining the advantage and one covering the disadvantage. Your formatneeds correction. The correct discussion approach, based on your essay could have been:

People say that online shopping saves people time because they don't have to go to the store. This practice actually has strong disadvantages because...

Then, there is the affordability of brandname products that turn out tobe counterfeit. Since the item cannot be examined online...

As you can see, the clarity of the discussion paragraph format as it aligns itself to the discussion question will increase the possibility of a higher C+C score. Something your format cannot achieve.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Everyone should become vegetarian because meat not guarantees a healthy diet. [3]


Arguing is not the correct response for the given extent question. To what degree doyou disagree with the statement? Totally? If yes, then you should have stated it. Remember that your English understanding skills are considered based on the validity of your response and opinion. You cannot argue without the measured response presentation first. That means,totally disagree first then use the arguement presentation as the supporting thisin statement. The result? A guaranteed clear extent response and clear opinion that will get a maximized TA score.


You disagree with the vegetarians so do not defend their point of view. The idea behind this discussion is to use 2 valid reasons that proves the vegetarian reasoning is incorrect. By defending their position, you alter the discussion requirement from single opinion to comparative. Rendering your opinion invalid since you are now uncertain of it due to this vegetarian agreement paragraph. You have created a confusing discussion that now lowers an otherwise good starting TA score. Remember, the instruction is for a single opinion discussion. No part of the original prompt required a comparative discussion.

You might not recieve a passing score due to the conflicting response format. You can only be scored for the parts supporting your opinion, which will not be enough to meet the minimum word requirement without an additional supporting paragraph.

Writing Feedback / The inequality between rich and poor nation is now wider than it has ever been before. [2]


While it is acceptable for you to take the easy road and simply restate the given questions, this doesn't really help increase your TA score to a great extent. showing you understood the question is one thing. Using an academic presentation via a thesis statement based on the given questions suits the assessment requirement for your English comprehension skills best increases your TA score based on the response format (content) consideration.


Incorrect word usage. You were trying to use a synonym for explanation. To illustrate means to explain (e.g. Illustrate the procedure by...) Since you are using the active frame of the word, the synonym should be illustration, meaning " ongoing explanation or example ". The correct forum for the phrase presentation is, " a good illustration... ".

.


...purpose TO decrease...
You need to familiarize yourself with word usage based on sentence structure and referencing requirements. GRA score deductions will be applied each time related errors are found in your work.


There is no room for additional topic discussions in the concluding paragraph. Your essay has an open ending. That means it is not concluded based on the required concluding summary. This will bean additional TA deduction.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers [3]

The discussion asks for 2 fully developed explanations of the public opinions. You did that in this essay. Itis your personal 7 that lbecame the problem. You failed to develop that explanation as the 3rd discussion consideration / paragraph as required. Your personal opinion is also scored based on the same scoring criteria of the 2 public reasons. That is why it will not be acceptable to present it as the concluding paragraph. Your opinion does not conclude anything.

The concluding paragraph is used to reiterate your discussion points of the topic. It is a summarized repetition of the topic, the individual public reasons, and your opinion. This section is used to better assess your paraphrasing skills when you need to repeat what you said as opposed to repeating what other people said or, what you read from the statement in the original prompt.

Scholarship / Battling against cancer - Research interest for a PhD application [2]

You need to balance the discussion between 3 aspects:

- Your research interest
- The potential importance of your research when paired with an aligned research path (possible collaborative research)
- The possible breakthroughs that your research interests and Dr Anna Poetsch's can produce, creating an important discovery for the university

You need to approach the presentation from a collaborative aspect as a Phd student is more focused on discovery - rather than simply learning. simple learning isthe approach you took in this presentation. Balance each of your interests with the professor, research, and program. These are practically afterthoughts in your presentation when it should be integrated with each of your research interests.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Percentages of people living in the towns and cities in 4 different countries [5]

You need to provide summary overviews that complete the information for the leader. That means, a summary can only be considered complete When enumerated information is included in the presentation. Im this case, prior to using the country names in the trending statement, these must be enumerated as the representative countries first. A summary overview must always be composed of 3-5 sentences. A single , compressed informatiosummary will force U you to commit unintentional GRA and TA errors.


How so? You did not explain the graph information that represents this idea. This needs a comparison sentence based on the aligned graph measurement.


Again with the s explanations. you are risking a big C + C deduction since you have omitted the explanation twice in the same presentation. Remember, the writing instruction is, make comparisons where relevant. You are not doing a good job at that.

Graduate / Personal statement - reason to take the specialization: boost my career vs problem to solve [2]


Neither. For the personal statement, you should show the progression of your interest leading into data science. The writing consideration you mentioned is used in the motivation letter. A personal statement will consider:

- Your undergraduate course as the foundation of your interest
- Your introduction to data science both academically and professionally
- Facets of your work that further exposed you to data science
- Why you became interested in data science
- How you were convinced that you may have a future in this field
- Why you think the course and university can help you retrain.

Now, these are the basic content for a personal statement. Some universities look for specific information and specify there for your writing. Prioritize the university personal statement instructions at all times. Remember to provide the writing instructions for my reference should you opt to have me review your personal statement or other application papers.

You should be able to make simple exposure references based on your college studies and work experience. Data collection is presentin marketing jobs, you just have to frame the experience as relevant to data science.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Amount of money spent by school and percentage of students getting passed [2]


After indicating the number of bar graphs, end the sentence. Follow it up with 2 separate sentences that identify the upresented information per graph. The separate identification sentences will add clarity to the summarized information which, in this version, is difficult to differentiate I You may assign image numbers such as Bar 1 and Bar 2, to help you clearly refer to the image being analyzed in the data paragraphs.

Your ERA abilities are limited to run-on sentences and comma usage. These will not help increase your score in this section. familiarize yourself with actual complex sentence structures to help increase your GRA potential. There are other punctuation marks, aside from a comma that can helpyou score better as well. Vary your punctuation usage.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Opinion Essay on Free University Education [2]


You forgot to restate the portion of the original prompt indicating that this belief is regardless of income. Your prompt restatement Is partially incomplete in this case. Regardless of this missed paraphrase, you still did an excellent jobin presenting your response and thisis statement. The basis of your measured opinion is very clear to the examiner. Expect a good TA score because of this. You somewhat successfully represented the TA requirements. Good job!

The first sentence of the fist reasoning paragraph was a bit confusing to read. However, your succeeding explanations clarified its meaning. so the GRA reduction forthat paragraph should be minimal. In totality, the reasoning paragraphs are well supported and connected in terms of discussion which are pluses for your C+C score. The only somewhat notable problem I sel is in the reverse paraphrase /summary conclusion. The introductory sentence should have been supported by a summarized reasoning presentation as required by this section. Otherwise, you did a highly acceptable job in relation to the task.

Scholarship / Australia Award Scholarship for Master of Architecture - proposed course and institution choice [2]

This is not a competitive presentation. You sound like you are writing a personal statement than a professional motivation. The reason sounds too amateur when you include a reference to your childhood.


Yet these are not integral to your course choice? You're career doesn't have a direction the chosen course can help you reach? That is odd. Normally, masters students consider their future cover path when choosing a masters course.

It appears that you do not have any professional experience yet that would drive your motivation to pursue higher study. You do not present a competitive background in reference to professional motivating needs and qualifications. The other applicant essays alone will push you out of the running.

The fact that you rely on your professor recommendation for the university choice. Lack of familiarity with the course opportunities and reliance on public information makes your essay non- competitive. Btw, you need 2 university and course choices. That is the requirement.

At this point, based on these information, I doubt you have any documentation that can keep you in consideration. Your application just isn't strong enough to withstand the competition.

Writing Feedback / Task2: The benefits and disadvantages of working from home [7]

Are you self-studying ? I believe that is the case since your essay does not follow the required task 2 formatting requirement. Your essay is too long at 3OO + words. You do not present a prompt restatement and thesis statement. The 4 paragraph presentation is also missing. The 4 paragraphs represent:

Par. 1 - prompt restatement + thesis sentence / question response
Par. 2 - 1st reasoning paragraph
Par. 3 - 2nd reasoning paragraph
Par. 4 - (optional, when required) Personal opinion + Explanation
Par. 5 - Reverse paraphrase

I believe in giving self. study exam takers a second chance and I will do the same for you. Using a different topic , write a 250- 290 word essay using the format provided above. We will start your lessons then. That is, if you want to.

Writing Feedback / TOPIC: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams [2]


For clarity and prompt adherence, you can state your opinion directly provided it will help show support for one of the 2 public perceptions provided. something along the lines of; " and explain why my belief is that team sports serves more benefits to the players." Or something like that /similar to that. Clarity off opinion is always a TA booster.


You need to present your,opinion not asaconclusion but as a standalone paragraph, The instruction clearly requires 1 3 paraphs aff information discussion. Your essay basically responds to 2 out of 3 instructions with your conclusion in an incorrect format so the discussion there will not be considered for scoring. Only the reverse paraphrase should be present in the conclusion.

In the end, you might still get a passing score , but due to the misplaced personal opinion, and lack of 2nd reasoning topic development in the paragraphs, that may be unlikely.

Writing Feedback / Vocational training is needed - there is lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers [2]


This shows the part of the discussion instruction that you did not understand. You are discussing the 2 different ideas without offering a clear opinion on the topic. There is no response to the question: " To what extent do you agree or disagree? " You did not offer a measured response anywhere in the essay. An error of this kind will result in a failed TA score due to a lack of clear opinion. Add the wrong discussion format, from a single opinion in the original, to a comparison essay in your version, and you can see why the remaining scoring sections cannot help you pass the test . How can you pass when you did not understand the instructions and write the response as instructed? Always respond and write as per given instructions. double check everything, make sure your writing is in order before submission.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health [2]

The prompt for this essay falls under the 3 paragraph requirement based on the writing instruction "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion". As such, the TA score, and the final score for that matter, cannot achieve a passing score. You failed to discuss the necessary requirements under the stipulated format. Why did this happen? You somehow, either through actual intent , or understanding error changed the discussion requirements. The discussion went from an analysis of 2 public pov and a personal perspective to :


This is a prompt deviation that totally altered the original instructions. You should have reviewed the prompt again for your writing adherence prior to deciding that you addressed the topic concerns properly. There is no clear reflection of public perception in your writing, only a personal point of view. The essay became a 1 sided opinion response rather than the expected 3 paragraph analysis of public and private beliefs on thetopic.

Scholarship / Elevate Mental Health Awareness Scholarship [3]


There seems to be a career disconnection here. A nurse is more attuned to the physical medical needs of a person. A psychiatrist or pyschologist would be more helpful to a person with mental health needs. Are you sure you are applying based on the appropriate career path? Nursing is useful in this area but not to a great extent as the job applications differ. You may want to double check and revise that paragraph.

Overall though, the essay responds to all the discussion points or a somewhat personal basis. It would be a more compelling need if you had family, social, and religious, among other representations, of how your personal mental health development was damaged by these exposures. a trigger representation that led to your breakdown would have also helped.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - promoting hosting in a country [2]


There was never a reference to equestriane sports in the original prompt. Whatever compelled you to change the discussion topic? This is a red flag that indicates you didn't understand what the writing topic is about.


Okay. At this point, you just gave the examiner the valid reason to give your essay a failing TA score. You are not discussing the essay based on the provided format. you decided to create your own topic and discussion forumat. Both of which are the opposite of the following:

Original Topic:Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad.
Discussion Format:DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND STATE YOUR OPINION.

Compared with:

Your Topic: ...there are a lot of people believe that riding a horse is a kind of international exercises events which will bring benefits to the city

Your Format: ...i am going to express my opnion about the benefits and drawbacks of hosting.

As you can see, the marked opposites in the presentations will automatically fail the essay. You proved a lack of Eenglish comprehension skills in relation to the discussion. You cannot pass the test with such an erroneous presentation.

Scholarship / IMSISS 2020 Personal Statement - Scholarship declined [2]

Please do not think or believe that you were not considered for the scholarship based on a weak motivation letter alone. While the witten interviews are part of the consideration process, there are other considerations as well. Other elements that are looked into are your qualifying documents, student admission count for your country, validity of the course you are applying to (does the EM offer scholar studies in the field you have chosen?), and several other points. It is possible that the motivational letter was not the only reason you did not qualify. It is only one of the reasons.

Your motivational letter was lacking in actual motivating reasons. You wrote this as a personal statement without a true purpose. There is no expected possible problem resolution that compelled you to seek overseas education. You could have been compelled based on the 2 possible career paths, but you failed to build on that potentially motivating discussion. Any future motivational letter should use that as the basis. Create a sense of professional importance for your studies. There is no real reference to career requirements here.

Tell you what, why don't you wait for the next application round then you can comeback here to ask for my help with your new draft? Just remind me of who you are so I will know which thread to check. In the meantime, be more observant in the performance of your tasks. Those experiences just may be helpful at that time.

Writing Feedback / TASK2 Some countries have single-sex education models while in others mixed schools are prefered [3]

It is important that your discussion paragraphs reflect the explanations required by the original presentation. Your essay reflects only your personal point of the discussion based on your understanding of the 2 public opinions. The discussion though, requires you to use the standard 3 paragraphs for the reasoning portion based on a series of explanations :

Paragraph 2: Explain the importance of the public opinion supporting the discussion based on a valid reason. Refer to 3rd person discussion references.
Paragraph 3: Discuss the value of the opposing party and the convincing factor behind it. Present this from the 3rd party viewpoint.
Paragraph 4: Offer your personal opinion that could support one of the 2 public opinions. You may also opt to have a totally different opinion as explained by your personal experience or knowledge. 1st person references will be useful in identifying your opinion.

The important part of this presentation are the public and private analysis of consideration points. Your discussion must follow the discussion format/ paragraph presentation as indicated to recieve full scoring values. Your current work will only get partial scoring values as it does not deliver discussion considerations as expected

There is an optional format you can use to simplify your writing. Offer your personal point of view in the paragraph after explaining the public POV. That way you won't have to write a stand-alone personal opinion paragraph. It will aid in your C + C score to a certain degree as well.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the process of manufacturing tea bags [2]

The essay cannot be renewed - properly without the reference image. However, I can offer a brief review of your work since the errors are evident to the reader. Though you wrote 150 words, the presentation is incorrect. You need to have 3 separate paragraphs that represent the following :

- summary overview + tending statement
- first half (4 parts) of the manufacture process
- last 4 manufacturing procedures

Never use a single paragraph presentation as that is not an academic writing format. This format shows a lack of English writing familiarity, particulary with formatting and grammar rules. Consider reading the other task 1 writing samples her to learn from. You won't regret it. The basic rule of writing this task is, writing just 150 words will not guarantee a passing score. A combination of several scoring elements assure that.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: People say that a country will benefit greatly if its students study abroad. [3]


Excellent work! Your opinion is clearly supported by discussion reasons. This will definitely boost your TA score based on discussion response format.

Sadly, your reasoning paragraph is where your error occurred. Your first reasoning paragraph represents reasons why students should study abroad in a positive light. You should have used some negative aspect or spin to make the paragraph support your opinion. Remember you always need to present 2 reasons backing up your opinion. Spin it. Make a positive for a student a negative for the country. Never say it has benefits for the country because you should still be on the "partly disagree" reasoning line.


Never present an unrelated personal opinion or suggestion in your reverse paraphrase. Always stick to the basic preceding discussion summary. Adding unrequired information will not increase your score but could be considered a score reduction reason.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: THE NUMBER OF TRAVELLERS USING THREE LARGE BRITISH AIRPORTS [2]


Flag carriers are airlines. The reference points used are airports. Be careful with your references. You just created an error filled reference which means you misinformed the person reading your report. This lowers the TA score immediately.


Which was? Use complete comparison data. When referred to in the chart, it must be included in the report. That is why it is mentioned, for report clarity and efficiency. You did that laterin the essay and it was one of the better informed sentence presentations. It was a good reference point for that comparison portion.

You have few errors in your presentation. The existing errors have score lowering results in the L.R. and Ct C sections though. Be very careful with your writing to avoid major errors like these.

Graduate / Erasmus Mundus Masters in Social Work for Children and Family [3]



NGO named? Provide the publication name and when it was published. Information like these needs to be specific for vetting reasons. It also increases your profile as a potential candidate. I caution you against just spicing up your presentation if you cannot support it. You may not be able to defend it later on.


Clarify if you are motivated to plana political future. your reference is implying such. Try not to over motivate your presentation. That could be just as bad as under-motivating your letter.


Take the opportunity to refer to your talents and skills that you can bring to the program. How are you motivated to share what you know and why. It should not always be self-centric, be open to representing your country overseas as well.

Writing Feedback / According to Confucius, education is a key to success [2]

You did not meet the 250 word requirement. When you do this during an actual test, this could garner you an automatic failing score depending upon the word requirement scoring consideration. This also shows that you chose to ignore the writing instructions, which means you most likely did not understand the minimum writing requirements. If you cannot follow the instructions provided then you risk failing the test.


Don't cite the very same quote from the original. Explain what you understand based on what he said instead. You might scoreless for cut and paste references. Prove your English comprehension and paraphrasing skills whenever you can.


English grammar rules are clear about punctuation mark usage. Use it one at a time, never successively. Pick one and use it.

Writing Feedback / I've just seen a brilliant program about dolphins on television. Which program have you enjoyed? [2]

The first half of your essay is nothing but an unrelated information presentation. This is actually a statement response rather than an essay. There are only 2 qquestions you need to respond to. The direct response is a requirement for this presentation. Bluff sentences meant to extendthe discussion without a relation to the actual topic does not help the presentation. These surveys and percentage of viewership, other than yours, has no actual value to the presentation.

The second half of your essay also runs opposite to the questions provided. You are asked a program. Singular. Your response is in the plural form. That is a task discussion failure as you did not respond in singular form to the question. neither did you tell the reader how must I.V. you watch in hourly or percentage form.

Writing Feedback / The amount of money people in the US spend on mobile and landline phone calls and other services [2]


What? This reference has no meaning. Perhaps you mis-translated from your native tongue to English? This is why itis important to use individual sentences when writing your summary. More importantly, youshould make sure to review your work before submission to allow you a chance to correct errors that affect sections of your score.


Time reference /GRA mistake. The information is from past information. What is the error? youp. Dense usage. This is a past tense presentation. Again, you failed to check your work for score reducingproblems.

While the potential to get a passing exists based on your understanding of the graph, your lack of editing prior to scoring will cause you to fail based on avoidable mistakes.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: household car ownership in Braitain from 1971 to 2007 [4]


Lexical resource error. Consider the word meaning difference between illustrious and illustrates :

Illustrious - highly distinguished; renowned; famous
Illustrates - to furnish (a book, magazine, etc.) with drawings, pictures, or other artwork intended for explanation, elucidation, or adornment.

As you can see, you had a word choice error that would impact your vocabulary score. Since you are an ESL user, your dictionary should be your best friend. Always look up the word meaning while you can to be sure you are using the correct refence. Build your vocabulary now while you are practicing because these costly errors will affect your final score.


Sentence clarity problem. Your sentence structures become incorrect due to your lack of vocabulary proficiency. These are errors that should be addressed by your English language teacher through sentence building exercises. In this case it is the usage of the word "preferred" that caused the mistake.

Writing Feedback / Fossil fuel and renewable resources - IELTS task 2 essay [3]


Incorrect response. You are being asked to respond clearly to whether this is a positive or negative development. Itis not related to the benefit of human lives. Your topic restatement is correct, but the question response is wrong due to the error in subject reference.

The discussion format used is of the comparative kind when the question clearly indicates a single , defense format. The score will be reduced for the TA and C+ C sections as the scores can only be applied to the sections that late to your clear opinion. since your question response maybe seen as incorrect, the whole discussion may be considered incorrect aswell. It may be difficult for this essay to get a passing score.

Letters / Letter of Advice: Pamela Wilson is a freshman majoring in English. She needs a part-time job. [2]


There is no such thing As an experimental part- time job, only a part time job. double check your reference to make sure this is nota reference error.


This is a run _ on sentence. lvide the topic presentation into 2 sentences for clarity and formality.


Informal presentation. Use a business-like presentation. normal wording is refered throughout. Omit the word love in the sentence.


Plural V. singular issue. These should be fluidly plural (books translators) or singular (book translator). You cannot mix the 2 in a single presentation.


As you are considered a voice of authority by this person, this note of uncertainty will not help create confidence in your statement. Restate with confidence.

* Limited review provided as the letter requires professional editing services.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: The advances in agriculture and the increase in world hunger [2]

Be conscious of GRA requirements. You do not seem to be familiar with punctuation marks and howto use these. You also rely mostly on run- on sentences for your presentation. There is a big difference - between a complex sentence and a run.on. Please look there 2 topics up and learn the lessons to help you do better in the writing tasks.


This is not a usable discussion statement. There is no need to repeat the instructions when direct questions are provided. These questions, when responded to directly, allow you to clearly address the task accuracy opinion requirements. You clear answers help the examiner decide upon what your starting TA score should be.

[quote=Giang87]There are two m...all over the world.[/quote]
Filler sentences such as these are unnecessary when you provide a proper thesis statement in the first paragraph. starting with a score improving topic sentence introduction would be more useful.


Since you addressed a government responsibility first, the private food sector responsibility to solve the problem , since they are the global food suppliers, should be addressed instead of rich nation responsibilities in relation to food support for poor nations.

Writing Feedback / The positive and negative effect of globalisation [2]


If, I am not mistaken, you have mis-analyzed the prompt. Based upon what I know of the original prompt (which you should have provided ) , the discussion instruction is actually :

...its negative side should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.

Owing to the actual discussion instruction, it appears that your response is not provided in the expected format. You wither provided a clear % not provided 2 justification topics for the reasoning paragraph. Originally presented as a single opinion statement with 2 reasoning paragraphs this should not be presented via a comparative discussion.

You should have decided whether the negatives can be forgotten or not. It is clear, when considering the overall prompt, that you did not understand the discussion requirements, which led to the low scoring presentation. If you feel I am in error with my analysis, then you should have provided the prompt with you essay.

Writing Feedback / Australia Bureau of Meteorology - the ielts exam task [2]


What sort of diagram? Your identification is incomplete. It does not help the reader create a mental picture of the data you are presenting.


What sort of information ? Summarize it. Where is it collated? By whom?


This is not part of the task 1 data from the image. This sentence style can only be used in a task 2 essay presentation. The task 1 essay is focused solely on data reporting based on the image provided.


Singular V. plural problem. The succeeding presentation is based on a singular example so refer to "instance" instead.


This should be included in the preceding paragraph since it is still related information. A concise report sticks related information together in the paragraphusing proper sentence formations.

* Limited review due to lack of image.

Writing Feedback / Why some people can't success even if they have practiced hard [2]

Did you mean to use this presentation as a Task 2 essay or just for basic English writing practice? Specific task application is required so that the proper review criteria can be used in assessing your work. Anyway, I can still do a basic review for you based on this work. so, here it goes .

The main problem that is immediately obvious has to do with page formatting. The text is to tight on the page. Work on using paragraph presentations. Spacing is important to the reader who needs to have clear reading pauses to better understand the written content. For each numerical ordinal, use a new paragraph. Paragraph separations will also help you better discuss the paragraph content by presenting better developed ideas.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: how elderly people in the United States spent their free time [2]


Wrong time reference. The measurement represents 40 years or, if you want tobe more specific, 4 decades. Your information must be accurate to proveyou paid attention to the image information.


Please remember to enumerate the activities before you begin to use it in specific reference points within your report. This is needed fora proper data summary report.


" Was preferred ". Be conscious of the timeline in relation to grammar usage. These all happened in the past. Therefore past time references , words, and phrases need to be used. Incorrect time reference affects your ERA score.


Use another synonym for the old people. Senior citizens was one alternative word you did not use. Use as many as you canfor the LR score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: The reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country [2]


Familiarize yourself with the task 1 images. These are all charts by default. The specific image name is needed in the summary. In this case, refer to it as a line chart. Specific and accurate references are required in the TA section and would help your LR score as well.

The image would have been better reported using the 3 paragraph format. You did not reallyhave enough information for a " paragraph presentation, which is whyyou only wrote 152 words. The more concise presentation would have allowed you to write more in a proper comparative presentation that included measurement equal point references.

Writing Feedback / Young people are healthier, wealthier but less happy. What are the causes and solutions for it? [2]


Use an example to support this statement then expand it in the causes paragraph. That would create a more solid thesis explanation based on your opinion.


such as? Again use a direct response to show your discussion path and create a summary of your discussion / outline. These presentations relate to the TA score.



Avoid the use of numerical ordinals. These transition words will not increase your C+C score in the same mannena transition phrase /sentence would


You have a tendency to use word fillers that do not have a scoring benefit. Use direct discussions whenever you can. Each sentence should be aimed at a score increase.


This is not referred to in the original prompt. Do not change the discussion focus at any point in your discussion due to scoring specifications.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1, line graph, 4 catalogues, change over time [2]


Incorrect image reference. This is a line graph, not a chart. familiarize yourself with the image names to prevent image misrepresentations that could lower your TA score due to an incorrect summary overview.


This is a run-on. A period should be used in place of a comma. That would have beena more grammatically correct presentation of the second data set, with the next sentence starting with, "The" instead.


Lexical error. You meant adolescents, referring to young children rather than adolescence wich is the growing stage of a child. Do not use words if you are not sure of the usage. Do not risk a collective LR deduction consideration.

The essay is mainly presented in run-on form. These successive errors could create significant deductions in GRA points that could cause a final failing score.

Writing Feedback / The question here is whether calculators help children rather than harm them [2]


Without a copy of the original prompt to base your response on, I cannot tell how this essay should be written. I can only hazard a guess and work from there. My guess is you were to agree or disagree with the topic. You wanted be sure that you gave a safe answer by not giving a straight opinion. Unfortunately, in a task 2 essay, a non- response tothe direct question is worse than giving an opinion. That is because your essay changed the discussion formatto a comparative discussion rather than a single opinion defense.

Your prompt restatement does not offer a clear line of discussion for the presentation. When a thesis statement is not present, it becomes difficult to follow the flour of discussion. Why was there a sudden reference toa government solution? Suck a solution scenario was never implied.

I have to stop my review at this point. Like I said an accurate review is difficult without the reference prompt. My current review is based on an assumption. Provide the prompt next time to recieve an accurate review.

Writing Feedback / IELTS [WRITING TASK 1] How to make a photo by using machine which is known as automatic photo booth [2]

The task 1 essays requires the exam taker to summarize the information provided. The summary cannot exceed 175-190 words. This is based on the 20 minute writing time limitation. Your essay is only a bit short of the task sword requirement. Your presentation is over-written. Though you will not be penalized for it, the word count opens your presentation to more writing deduction possibilities.


While you are using an advanced English word, it does not flow naturally with the presentation. The examiner looks at not only the word meaning, but the applicability of the word in an everyday presentation. The word was used in the right context, but does not fit the presentation format. Do not aim to impress the examiner with impressive vocabulary. Justead, aim to use everyday or common English words that better suit the audience of your writing.


What is the trend? Which method is simpler to use? Why? You failed to present that in the report..

The overall presentation could be more concise. More significant reporting could have helped. Aim for brevity next time. Be conscious of the Task 1 scoring factors you have to meet with less words.