Undergraduate / "The itch to understand" Personal statement college application - a topic of your choice [3]

This the most personal essay you have written so far. It is insightful, shows various facets of who you are , and how you respond to various situations. The presentation works. It does not try too hard to create a high brow image when what is required of you is intellectual interests in relation to your humanity. Your ability to understand those around you and adjust your personality to make things work all around shows a maturity and college preparedness. The essay does not need to be explained to the reader because the theme, intention, and discussions all inter- connect and relate in creating a written basis of who you are and why. This essay may be used as is

Scholarship / AAS Scholarship: Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? - Master of Public Policy [2]


Which is? You don't need to discuss it in detail here as you will do that in the career goal prompt. But, you can make mention of it here as a preview of that essay. The mention will help keep your response essays connected.


Specific goals will always help. Remember, these goals represent the reasons you chose the course. The course in relation to thegoal will set the tone for your application. Be more open to explaining these things. Do not be reliant only on the course descriptions from the university Web pages.


Your explanation there is too general. The basis of all your responses are good, but need to focus more on application reasons. The end results will be part of the career goals essay.

Open up to the reviewer. Sure there is a limit to your character count. Don't let that scare you. Learn to summarize your responses with immediate details instead.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 and 2. Task 2: Studying chosen occupations in high school [3]


There is no reference to such a debate in the original presentation. Avoid adding unsupported claims that could change the original intention. Such additions may affect your TA score.


To what extent? Based on your writing. it appears you totally disagree soyou should have used "totally" as the extent response to your disagreement. Without the extent reference, you deliver only a partially accurate response and will not recieve full scoring considerations.


Repeat the extent response to restate your opinion in line with the discussion needs indicated in the original presentation.


I'm not sure what you mean by this. To be"fed up" means to be full of anger at a situation. I really doubt that is what you meant to imply. This confusing remark could create a GRA deduction for you and and an additional C + C reduction as well.

Scholarship / South Korea is developed technologically - GKS-U Personal statement review [3]

The thing is, you cannot write your application essays in advance of the actual application season. That is because the discussion requirements for each written interview is subject to changes/ variations from one application season to the next. While this presentation may have some applicable and non-applicable aspects based on the previous application prompt instructions, I cannot definitely say you can use this next year. The prompt factors for that crycle are still unknown so you should not be preparing the essays yet. Work on meeting the grade requirements and other documentation for now. Create the essays when the prompts come out next year. Hold on to this essay for now. You never know when the same prompts might be used again.

Writing Feedback / Young people have become richer, but less happy. What are the causes? How to address this situation? [2]


This is an incorrect assumption. The original reference point is health and long life, along with money. Therefore, the reference in this statement cannot be based on a material reference position alone.


Which is ? State the reason for clarityof response.


Which are? Again, the thesis statement does not require a repeatof the instructions but a summary of the topic responses/topic. These help increase youJ TA score.


Why did you add this topic as a reason without fully explaining it? The lack of developed reasoning for this topic made an otherwise properly explained reason come across as incomplete. This single sentence will result in C+C deductions when there should not have been any.

The solutions are acceptable based on your causes paragraph. However, the concluding summary does not give a short version ofthe discussion based on 40 words or 2 - 5 sentences. The reverse paraphrase in this case does not exist and would further lowerthe final score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: DRIVING TEST PASS RATES [3]

[quote=phuongtrang56780]A driving license is ... individual should have.[/quote]
Task 1 essays do not require any personal opinion nor additional information Statements such as these are not necessary as it is not part of the scoring consideration. The summary overview should only be based on the provided image data.


There are several types of charts used in the test. The identifying name or title of the chart must be provided for differentiation and lor identification as a part of the TA requirement.


Had driving licenses, or passed the test? There is a marked difference in the meaning of the 2. You representation says women have licenses, without referring to the test,which is the basis of information. That is an incorrect reference that is TA and C+C deductible. When properly structured this sentence becomes a repeat of the first sentence, another C+ C problem.


While the tending sentence maybe placed anywhere in the presentation, this sentence provides the most use and scoring impact when combined with the summary overview. That is because it completes the information summary at the very start, making it easier to understand the point of the report.


Use accurate statements. This is a note of uncertaintity that indicates a failure off analysis on your part. Again, the TA score shall be affected.

Writing Feedback / Write paragraphs to answer the question: about advertisements in schools. [2]


You need to show a belief in your opinion. This reference point is uncertain. It means you are unclear when it comes to the response you support. This will definitely lower the TA score in terms of task response.


Grammar error. "Kid" is singular, "are" is plural. The correct reference is " kids are..." or , " a kid is". "Is" refers to third person singular while "are" refers to present indicative plural.


This is signifies a non- connected idea and should be a separate paragraph. The presentation mistake left the previous reason under-developed and lacking in a supporting discussion. This will cause C + C deductions. You misused the phrase as a transition phrase. The transition word "additionally" would have better connected, while transitioning the discussion topic.


This is a single opinion defense. The discussion does not call for a comparative discussion. This section will be disregarded as it doesn't support the thesis statement. The reduced word count could result in a failed final score as there are already other busting ewiors in the presentation.

Scholarship / AAS - Why did you choose this - Economic Growth [2]

Your reasons for wanting to pursue higher studies are purely research based. It would help if you could offer a more personal and career oriented reason for the proposed course/s. As a reviewer, I need a discussion explanation that connects 3 aspects:

- The government plan
- The personal / intellectual growth aspect
- The career goal unrelated to how the studies can advance your career

The choice of courses and universities are not properly referenced. The reasons are highly isrelevant to the discussion Jury to develop convincing and compelling reasons on an individual paragraph basis. 3 relevant paragraphs should suffice. The first paragraph should combine the Preference points indicated above.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: WORKING AND STUDYING FROM HOME, USING CLOUD-BASED SERVICES [2]


Kindly provide at least 2 reasons why you believe this to be true. This is to help create a summary of the upcoming discussion based on a clear opinion and supporting evidence or topics.


This is a 2 paragraph discussion essay. Adding another reason will not help your score. Rather, it could add to your response wors that could reduce your potential to recieve a passing score.


You are to present a summary of the preceding topic and reasons. You must avoid adding information that you cannot further explain in this section. A reverse summary will be acceptable.

There is a sense of clarity in your presentation that proves your ability to understand and create an English based discussion. Keep writing. I am sure you can hone your potential further.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 essay: fossil fuel-based cars VS electric cars, which are more environmentally friendly [4]


This reference is a direct cut and paste from the original prompt. As you cannot use cut and paste or memorized words in this presentation, expect scoring deductions because of it.


Excellent work. You clearly provided an opinion and 2 summarized supporting reasons. These will help your score immensely.


No need to use an emotional presentation. This is not an emotional response or extent essay. A simple restatement will suffice.


This is a seperate idea and should be written as a separate sentence. Combining it in this sentence removed the clarity of the thought presentation.

While there are a few accidental errors in your presentation, I attribute that to your self-study method. Overall though, you made an excellent effort and, with proper guidance, can pass the test.

Writing Feedback / Students graduate from high schools without any knowledge or skill about financial management [3]

This essay is too long for a task 2 presentation. You have 40 minutes to complete the task inclusive of editing, revision, proofreading, and final writing. These tasks, which will ensure a high score cannot be completed if you try to write over 500 words. When writing for this task, it is always better to write within a word bracket, since every paragraph should nothave more than 5 sentences in it anyway. The minimum word count is 250 words. Writing up to 300 words will bethe most ideal presentation for any task 2 topic.

An extra long essay such as this always results in forced errors that lead to a failing score. In this case, you did not write a response based on the required discussion. You are discussing this based on an agree or disagree presentation when the instruction is different. You were supposed to respond and discuss 2 topics individually in relation to the question, "What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?"


This definition is not needed in the essay. You just lengthened the presentation without reason. The examiner will not score this as a part of the valid presentation. Rather, it will be deducted from the word count and affect your score as an irrelevant discussion. In the end, there will be 2 major reasons why this essay will not recieve a passing score. There are also several other errors in relation to scoring sections that will further reduce the final score.

I can sense that you are trying your best so I hope to see improvements with your next presentation.

Undergraduate / "My notebooks" Personal statement for undergrad college application [3]

When you have to explain the content of the essay to the reader, then your presentation has a problem. You are not confident of the written presentation. The intention of the essay should be clear, either through the title or prompt you are responding to. Either use a a title that implies the intent clearly or, Use an actual prompt that you developed and indicate it at the start. Right now, this condescending attitude will not help your application. Rather than appealing to the reader, you are coming across as obnoxious instead.

A chameleon like personality portrayal will only work if there is a point where all these personalities merge. These personalities are just confusing, The reviewer does not have the time to analyze the philosophy of your personality. Try to use 3 sections that somehow relate to at least create a more understandable point or character portrayal in your presentation.

Like I said, if you have to explain the point of the writing just to be sure your point or theme is clear to the reader, then the essay has failed to serve its purpose. The last paragraph in particular, fails to create a full circle for your presentation.

Writing Feedback / A friend who lives in another country has invited you - IELTS - Informal Letter [2]

Your opening paragraph is a bit on the serious, formal, and official side. Since this is a friendly letter, use a lighter, warmer tone that indicates friendship rather than an official explanation. The current opening tone is more geared towards office communication. Use the correct willing tone for each letter type.

The third paragraph is a bit problematic in terms of punctuation usage. Comma usage and idea separation by sentence being the most noticeable problems that plague your writing. Such errors did not affect the clarity of your explanation though -, which will be good for your GRA score. It would still be better to use a clearer topic reference based on sentence structure though.

This is a good effort that has minimal writing problems.It should get an average passing score in an actual setting.

Writing Feedback / The advent of technological items have negative impact on interaction among people in modern society [3]

Your discussion approach will result in the failure of this essay. You somehow managed to change the discussion requirement in your paraphrased presentation. To be clear:

Original Question: Do you agree or disagree?
Response: While I concur with this view, there are some advantages which need ...
Correct Response: I concur with this view based on a couple of reasons , The first reason is... and the second is...

There was no reference to an A/D discussion in the discussion instruction so that reference will be a prompt deviation that will deduct TA and word count percentage points. Overall, the comparison discussion will further reduce the TA score as this is not the correct discussion format for the prompt. It will be more than likely that you will recieve a failing score due to these presentation problems. The body of paragraphs should have used 2 reasons to support your opinion. That was the correct discussion development.

Writing Feedback / Women's participation on senior management - Graphic Writing [3]


There are 3 companies. Why do you mentiononly 2 in the summary ? Present all 3 to complete the data presentation.

You need 3 paragraphs in this presentation. You should not be compressing information into the 2nd paragraph. Always divide that into 2 informative paragraphs that represent:

Par. 2: Report the main features
Par. 3: Make comparisons where relevant

You rushed through the presentation. There was no real focus on the discussion requirements beyond mere data reporting. A more thorough analysis was needed. If you had used the correct paragraph format, I do not doubt that all the reporting requirements would have been met.

Letters / Geodata sciences - cover letter - applying for PhD Student Position [3]

Your presentation is friendly and presents information that you deem relevant but sadly, do not apply to a motivation letter. The motivation letter, specially for a PhD student needs to provide specific information. The selling point of your motivation needs to represent the current status of your research in relation to more advanced academic and skills training. a motivation based on a collaborative approach with specific professors and their research is a must.

Your current presentation in more of a personal statement and academic biography, which do not factor into a motivational letter. As I do not know if you should be writing this letter based on specific requirements or not, I can only comment based on the standard PhD motivational letter requirements. Revise this to be a more advanced representation of your academic and professional needs.

Writing Feedback / Discuss 2 opposing views on whether the animals should be held in captivity or free in wilderness [2]


What do you mean by this statement? The reference is not clear. Did you mean zoos should be closed? something got lost, the meaning of the sentence got lost in translation.


This will not be considered by the examiner when scoring the essay. It is not part of the discussion requirements. The number of words this discussion used will be deducted from the current word count. If the result is less than 250 words, then word deductions will apply.


Where did this come from? The original prompt asks for 3 discussion paragraphs, inclusive of your personal opinion. Yet, you did not give a personal opinion in the thesis statement. Neither did you develop this as the required 3rd paragraph discussion. The examiner will not accept this presentation in the concluding summary. The discussion format is partially incorrect due to the erroneous placement of the personal opinion. This will lower the TA score of your presentation and affect the C+C score of your essay.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows changes in global food and oil prices between 2000 and 2011 [2]

Did you see the correlation listed in red within the image presentation? Why didn't you include it? Being listed in red means this is important data that must be highlighted as the tending sentence in the report summary and within the presentation paragraphs.


LR concern: Wrong spelling. You need to avoid spelling e56ors to avoid LR deductions.

The rest of the essay is good enough. You presented a basic understanding of the image and graph movement. The reader can create an interesting mental picture of the report based on your simple reporting style. The presentation is worthy of an averagepassing score at this point. Like I said, there was a missing important trending information presentation that was overlooked but it won't have a grave negative effect on your final score.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: Dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why [2]


You are not talking about an app. There is no " updated" world to speak of. However, there is a " constantly modernizing" world or "image conscious " world.


This is not a discussion statement . Use 2 sentences. 1 reason for shape and 1 for size . Direct reasons create clear topic foundations for the body of paragraphs and proves you understood the discussion instructions.


This is underdeveloped reason. Consider adding a supporting reason along with an example to justify it. You need to make sure that each reason is fully explained to help boost the C+C score.


Wrong phrase reference. You are talking about fashion in relation to your discussion. Yes, it has to do with sales, but it is not a common type of commerce. This is market specific.


What is this? What made you decide to add this unrelated information in the end? you were doing quite well till you made this discussion change at the worstpossible point.

Scholarship / Reasons for choosing Korea as study abroad destination [4]


For what purpose and what made an impact on you then?


As proven by?

You are not fully responding to the question. The discussion provided are the tourist reasons for going to Korea. It does not explain the academic reason for your decision to study there. You have to show an interest in the academic opportunity in relation to your course choice and /or professional interests. Explain whatwasons you believe made Korea the stand-out academic choice for you. There is no sense of that consideration in this essay. Like I previously indicated, Your response will work based on tourist considerations but not for student visa concerns.

Develop an academic centered response. Less tourist reasons and more study related or professional accomplishment explanations would work best for this statement.

Research Papers / Single-payer Healthcare System and Why it should be Implemented in the U.S [2]

The second sentence of the first paragraph is confusing to read. It feels like itis overloaded with information, which caused the confusing sentence pattern. Give the reader a break. Use several sentences do better and clearly explain your meaning. It would really help clarify the discussion basis.


LDouble check the word meaning. You do not "purpose" but you are "proposing". Vocabulary is of the utmost importance when writing a personal opinion paper. Proper word usage creates all the meaning you wish to convey.


should be a part of the thesis paragraph. This is never provided as a single stand alone sentence since this is the whole point of the Introduction and thisis paragraph.

Your succeeding paragraphs end with in-text citations. You cannot close paragraphs in that manner. Always close with an additional statement or understanding of the previous citation. closing with only citations indicate cut and paste writing and could cause academic integrity qquestions of your work. The professor might suspect you paid someone to write your paper. Tsully develop each paragraph to avoid academic suspicion.

Scholarship / Plan After Study - Posco Asia Fellowship [3]

Your study plan must support your goal of study. The connection must be seamless and logical to the reader. Since you never mentioned wanting to become a lecturer in your goal of study, this study plan does not make sense. Your application essays are truly the most disconnected I have ever read here. You do not have a clear academic path set out before you. Your essays are not delivering a proper career development path for you based upon study plans and goals. Develop a proper study goal first then explain how that relates to your study plan. At this point, regardless of your other documents presented, the scattered plan for your studies and lack of focus in relation to a career plan through academic advancement are the weakest point of your application and could be the primary cause of your application failure.

Scholarship / Renewable energy - Study goal - Posco Asia Fellowship [6]

Just learning is not a valid study goal. What is the goal and professional application of your research? What other fields might benefit from it? Why? Your goal needs to have a specific professional benefit. How will the knowledge apply to your workplace? How does it specifically apply interms of improving the field in your country or workplace? Don't introduce the professors and research. That doesn't indicate study and professional goals. This essay is not an improvement over the first. It did not make it worse wither. The problems inthis version remain the same.

There is still no definite goal of study based on professional considerations. It appears to me that you lack sufficient work experience upon which the goal of study is based. That is because you failed to mention such in either essay version. If I am correct and you lack workplace experience and applicability, then your application will be weak, unmemorable, and, unadmirable.

As a fellowship applicant, you need to have better reasons than these. Go deeper. Think of the big picture. How does your goal of study help the professors research and others in the related fields? This makes you sound like an undergraduate applicant, which you are not.

Writing Feedback / Some parents think that children's centers provide the best service for children of preschool age. [2]


For clarity purposes,it will be alright for you toprovide a supporting opinion for 1 of the 2 public opinions. That will help clearly represent the 3 required discussion points.

This essay focuses on your personal understanding of the topic throughout. This led to an incomplete discussion analysis ofthe public opinions prior to your own. As a beginner, use the 3 paragraph format for this promptfor C and C purposes. The format is:

Paragraph 2: 1st public opinion explanation using non-gendered pronouns
Paragraph 3: 2nd public opinion reason, again using non-gender specific or 3rd person pronouns.
Paragraph 4: Personal opinion using 1st person pronouns.

Use personal knowledge or experience to explain or discuss the public opinions. Use your personal observations or reasons to expand on your personal belief.Use the correct format and discussion presentation for a better scoring consideration. Avoid discussing both public viewpoints in a single paragraph for better presentation development.

Writing Feedback / [ Writting Task 2 ] Rent vs Own: Pros and Cons [4]


This response would have been acceptable if the discussion instruction asked you to compare the positive and negative aspects. The problem is that the word "Or" was used in the question, which indicates a single opinion response choice and succeeding response. You can only defend and support one side of the discussion based on the choices provided. This automatically gets a low TA score due to a lack of clear opinion.

The response you provided created a comparative discussion which means you responseis in the incorrect format aswell. So that makes for 2 TA errors at once. The TA score will more than likely be the cause of the failing overall score. You altered your discussion presentatio to suit the discussion format you created rather than the one instructed. Such prompt deviations never have a positive scoring result.

Undergraduate / "Questioning the answer" personal statement for undergrad college application [3]

This section of the essay prompt allows you to showcase who you are beyond your interest in your major, I do not suggest continuing to focus on your course choice in this essay. Your other documents and personal statement or motivation essays will already accomplish that. For this prompt, show the reviewer who you are during your off time. Who are you to other people? What are your other interests? Allow the reviewer into another part of your world. The one beyond physics and studies. What other aspects of your character or personality might make you an interesting addition to the student roster? How can that make your application stand out? Do not focus only on Physics. What else interests you and why? It doesn't always have to circle back to your major. That gets boring and uninformative for the reviewer. Let them get to know the other you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - are individuals powerful enough for making improvements for the environment? [2]


That is not a response to the question. " To what extent" indicates a single response choice '. You failed to respond in the expected format. Additionally,C your response can alsobe considered unrelated to the task. That is because you altered the discussion topicand response format requirement. In most cases, there enors would ensure an automatic failing score.

The failing score for this essay may also be based on a comparison discussion presentation in place of the reasoning topic measured response paragraphs.. Basically, this presentation fails to meet scoring requirements due to the writer's misunderstanding or lack of understanding of the discussion topic and reasoning presentation requirements.

Writing Feedback / Should Ads Be Allowed In Schools? Controversial issue [2]

You should present the 2 opposing ideas as separate sentences since they deal with unrelated topics. You also need to provide a single response to the question. Discuss it either as a good idea or not. You cannot pick both because you will fail the TA section due to an unclear opinion. A clear opinion is based on your support for only 1 side of the discussion. The defense is based on 2 reasons explained in 2 reasoning paragraphs. Needless to say, this this is an incorrect response and cannot recieve a passing score due to lack of prompt adherence and no clear opinion presented. Your conclusion is also less than 40 words or 2 sentences.

Writing Feedback / [ Writting Task 2 ] Home ownership is sometimes considered more favorable than renting [2]


Incorrect. The thought is ongoing soit is a present action. The word should be "believe I instead.


Pick one side. You just got a failed TA score because you do not have a definite - based on the choices provided. As this is a single opinion essay rather than a comparative discussion, and due to the lack of a clean opinion, this will be a failing essay presentation.

You did not follow a single discussion as provided in the prompt. Had you at least provided a single opinion, you could have been partially scored on that basis. However, you would still have failed for not writing the minimum 250 words in support of your opinion.You ended up creating your own discussion target and responding to that instead of addressing the required facts from the original discussion guide. This is what led to the failed essay presentation.

Writing Feedback / Buy local - Large businesses have bigger budgets for marketing and promotion [2]


The prompt is not asking if the goverment should bear a responsibilty for what happened. your TA score will fail because your response is umelated to the prompt. This error will limit the possibility of getting a passing score with this presentation.

Your discussion paragraphs do not relate to the original prompt either. you have created a totally different discussion focus and as such, fail to meet the proper discussion requirements. so there is a great possibility that you will not recieve a passing score. You have shown evidence that you did not understand the prompt and just wrote a response for the sake of responding. You cannot be assessed properly for scoring in that instance. You won't geta score for just responding. It has to be a correct response. Do not create your own prompt to respond to. Use the provided discussion guidelines only.

Writing Feedback / People in metropolises suffer now from numerous difficulties in their daily life - IELTS Task 2 [2]

Respond using a thesis statement. Outline your discussion before you write the preliminary response. The following outline should help:

Topic:
PEOPLE LIVING IN LARGE CITIES HAVE TO FACE MANY PROBLEMS IN EVERYDAY LIFE.

Problems:
Problem 1 with reasons this is a problem.
Problem 2 related to or an offshoot of problem on
(Related problems for C and C scoring)

Question : Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?
Response: Yes or no based on one reaso

Count the number of paragraphs required based on the given writing instructions. You need 3 paragraphs in this case.

Your essay format is insufficient and lacking in proper reasoning and response consideration as you failed to outline your response ideas first. You did not realize you did not meet the discussion requirements due to the improper outline or lack of it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - two charts demonstrating a research about adult education [3]

There are 2 images provided but notending statements represented. You need to present 2 trending sentences in the summary overview as well. One for each image to help properly summarize the discussion highlights.


Beware of the time reference indicators. You have a confusing sentence here. When you say " wanted" that indicates a failure to achieve in the past. While "achieved" means a successful past achievement. Which one are you trying to convey?

This in a 3 paragraph essay. You cannot have a stand alone single sentence presentation to represent that. Since this a task 1 essay based on reports rather than a personal opinion, a conclusion should not be included in the final presentation.

Writing Feedback / Opinion about some people have chosen to take a holiday trip away from home in Tet recently. [3]


It is not a phenomenon. It is a personal lifestyle choice. Improve your English vocabulary meaning and usage skills. In relation to this presentation, do not write long sentences combining several ideas. These run on sentences often force GRA errors. Use 3-5 sentences per paragraph instead.


The question is related to how you see or view this developing habit or lifestyle. You either agree or disagree with the presentation. You cannot avoid having a specific opinion about it because it is required of your discussion presentation. This is a single personal opinion response. This is not a comparative discussion. The response format is incorrect.

I highly urge you to familiarize yourself with the IELTS discussion types before writing any more essays. It will help you learn how to correctly respond to prompts and meet word requirements. You can start by learning to outline your discussion points before drafting your response. That can help you better organize your ideas in preparation for drafting your response.

Writing Feedback / SHOULD GOVERNMENT REGULATE THE FAST FOOD INDUSTRIES IN THE SAME WAY THAT REGULATES THE DRUG, ALCOHOL [2]

she prompt is asking you to decide if the government should regulate the fast food industry in a manner similar to government oversight of the tobacco and alcohol industry. The response is based on a yes or no choice. The yes or no response must be supported by 2 valid and fully explained reasons. . With those considerations in mind, it is clear that your prompt restatement and thesis response are both incorrect. Such a grave enor may result in the immediate failure of your test. Your English comprehension skill was tremendously weak in this instance and will have a strong deducting effect on your final score.

Once your restatement is incorrect, your reasoning paragraphs also become improper. Note that your reasons have very little to do with possible government intervention as you have a more publicly slanted discussion. This is also not an opinion defense but a comparison presentation, which does not respond to the question provided.. All these errors show that you were unable to deliver the expected response. These could result in a final failing score.

Scholarship / Why Master of International Sustainable Tourism Management as a graduate program in Australia? AAS [2]


Huh? You never mentioned what that was. You better offer a clearer professional motivating factor.

You should focus less on merely repeating website information and more on offering true motivational information. This general discussion will not help your application because of the lack of vital information in relation to 2 university and/or course choices. Regrettably, this essay is devoid of proper motivational discussion points and clear academic considerations in relation to the university choices. Seperate the discussion into 3 paragraphs:

- Professional motivation
- University and 1st course choice
- University and 2nd course choice

Vagueness has no place in this essay. Just using cut and paste information will not work either. This presentation lacks sincerity in relation to the application.

Writing Feedback / Agree or not and why: Young people today do not give enough time to help their community.(250 words) [3]


This is a cop-out. By giving a non-answer, you manage to add words to the count, but fail to add substance to the discussion. Don't just repeat the writing instruction. respond to it to create a substantive response that increases the word count.


Gender neutrality must be considered when referring to people. It is no longer PC to use a default male reference. Third person pronoun usage would be better.

Your next 2 paragraphs better relates to burn-out and exhaustion reasons than lack of community volunteering time. Each reference paragraph should circle back to a part of community service to show a coherent discussion. All discussions need to connect and discuss the topic as expected. Rack of leadership is the most appropriate reference in the presentation.

Next time, outline your discussion points to make sure it relates to the overall discussion presentation. Do that before you write your draft.

Writing Feedback / The number of plants and animals is declining. What are the reasons? Suggest some solutions. [3]

216 words fails to meet the lowest word requirement for this presentation. To avoid percentage deductions related to the word count, never fail to provide an essay of at least 250 words. The lastthing you want is to geta failing preliminary score. Such a score could prevent you from receiving a basic passing score.


The focus is on plants and animals. While these are considered living organisms, the word equivalent you chose is not specific to the prompt keywords. stis instead, a general description so this is incorrect word equivalency usage.


There are direct questions related to the why the situation and what solutions can be done. Your provided response fails to develop a proper thesis statement as there are no actual responses presented. This lovers the TA score further as clear responses are required to create the sense of your opinion per question.

You lack clear reasoning paragraphs in relation to the discussion questions. The failure of this discussion based on specific considerations will earn this presentation a failing score.

Writing Feedback / WRITING ESSAY TASK 2 - FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIP [2]


Where is this indicated in the original prompt? There is no evidence to support this exaggeration in the original. Do not alter the content or discussion from the original as this also alters your restatement in terms of task accuracy, causing a lower score in this section.


This is not an appropriate response based on the indicated discussion question. Offer a smeasured response where required. You failed to provide the correct response but gave a correct opinion discussion in the reasoning paraghs so the major score deductions will bein the TA section.

Though your discussion is acceptable, the missing required discussion format and other errors will weigh heavily on your scoring deductions and could hinder you from getting a passing score. There are 2 areas for deduction in the TA section.

Writing Feedback / Profit from movie genres - BAR GRAPH [4]


Be precise in the summary overview. Youmust include the specific years as provided. If it is mentioned in the image overview. you must include it in the summary.

You are required to give a trending sentence, not a trending paragraph.Pick a trend and present it asa lending sentence at the end of the summary overview. Use the rest as comparison paragraph information.

You only need 3 paragraphs in this essay rather than 4. By using 4 paragraphs, you are not presenting summarized comparison and discussion points. This error in presentation was caused by the unnecessary inclusion of the trending paragraph. 4 paragraphs are normally used when 2 images are provided.

* Limited review provided. Contact me privately for a scoring review.

Writing Feedback / The government have duty to solve the childhood obesity problem [2]

Let us start with the most basic requirement . of a task 2 essay. That is, an essay of 250 words. What we have here is an essay of 206 words. While the discussion presented can still be scored it may not receive a passing mark due to a pre-scoring deduction based on the - word count. A specific TA percentage deduction will be applied based on the under word count presentation. The more words you lack towards 250 the higher your deductions. This will have a marked contribution to your over all low score. Will you fail because of this? There is a high likelihood of that happening. always remember to use the standard 4 paragraph format for your responses. Use 5 paragraphs whenever required by the prompt.

Next, there is a total disregard for formatting and grammar rules in this presentation. You do not present an accurate prompt restatement nor discussion reson. You failed to use capital letters where required (at the start of every new sentence ), and the sentence structures / word formations are difficult to follow and understand. These errors relate to the C & C and GRA scores, both will be failing at this point.

I cannot continue to review your essay at this point. There is no way it will get even a base passing score. Try to improve on the points indicated here first then we can focus on the specific errors. As of now, fix the basic writing problems first.