Scholarship / Livestock officer - Chevening leadership and enfluencer essay [2]

@mimi88
Hi there. Welcome to this forum. I'm here to provide you with feedback on this writing!

Firstly, technicalities-wise, I heavily suggest that you try to standardize your writing in accordance to academic writing standards. From the first paragraph, it is already noticeable how the essay needs a bit more clarity in terms of structure. For instance, ensure that you're using more appropriate pauses with the usage of punctuation marks. These are small details - however, in the larger scheme of things, they do still matter heavily.

While it's generally alright to be specific with details, try to compress your stories in order to prioritize and highlight what parts are truly necessary to be paid attention to.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity [2]

@amira11545
Hi there. Thanks for being back here! I'm here to give feedback on this essay. I hope you find this useful for your learning endeavors!

Firstly, I appreciate the straightforward writing approach that you have in your essay. The first paragraph, in particular, was crisp and clear. Keep up this tone and manner of writing!

I do still suggest that you try to ensure the clarity of the academic tone of your language. For example, taking a look at your second paragraph, the transition between your sentences still need improvement due to the overwhelming structure that you had.

On the other hand, the second sentence was quite too packed with transitionary lines. Try to keep these things at a minimum to ensure a more fluid and organic delivery of lines.

Graduate / Statement of Purpose for my Grad studies Admission - USM [3]

@Snazzydoa
Hi! I'll review this essay for you. I hope this helps you in revising your work for the betterment of your application.

While it's alright to have everything from a personified point of view, it would be better if you could evade using too many "Is" in your text. The excessive usage makes your essay appear to be more cluttered than it actually is. This makes your text quite difficult to grasp due to length and structure. Modifying these lines would put your readers more at ease with reading your content.

Furthermore, you need to be cautious of the technicalities of your writing. Simplifying your sentences and language is a good first step in order to assist you in curating more substantive information with a smaller cluster of text.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1: Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005. Plan B shows the same place now [2]

@thuithuidangiu
Hello there. You're welcome in advance! Just reach out to us if you have any other concerns or issues that you wish to be resolved.

I find that you have a tendency to overcomplicate your sentences. This makes your writing immensely difficult to comprehend at times due to the inconsistency of text. Because of the variations and technicalities present in this analysis, I suggest opting for a simpler tone to elaborate with more clarity.

Let's take a look at, for instance, your second paragraph. The third sentence appears to be bloated with text, making it difficult for readers to fully comprehend the details present here. If you can, you should be able to strategically focus your information without needing to forcibly link details into one small piece of text.

Graduate / Pursuing Master's study in Public Health; public health management and policy in Nigeria [3]

@Vickspring
Hello there! I hope you're doing good. I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay. I truly hope this helps you with your admission process.

Firstly, when it comes to the technicalities of your writing, I definitely do think that there is space to be filled out in your writing. There are certain portions that appear to be quite odd, considering that it's quite hefty already in terms of content. The first paragraph, for instance, has a few minor issues revolving structure. This mostly pertains to the overall trajectory of your writing due to the lack of appropriate pauses. Try to create simpler sentences instead of overbearing your content to fix this.

Furthermore, your essay lacks distinction and specification. Try to be more straightforward with your utterances in order to reiterate your qualifications in a more seemingly professional light.

Graduate / My Life - PTCAS Application Personal Statement Essay [3]

@tshort
Hello. Welcome here! If you find this feedback beneficial, you may always come back for more.

I think that the general flow of your essay was creative. The way that you had initiated the storytelling was quite purposive and was an effective method for writing.

I would suggest to focus more on ensuring that you have a structured writing approach. Take a look at the second paragraph. There were instances wherein you needed a full pause with the usage of a period, but you still were not able to do so. Try to have simpler and yet more concise sentences to make sure that you have a strategic written text. Doing this will truly help readers fathom the entirety of your text.

Scholarship / Scholarship appeal letter - Financial Aid Committee [2]

@dissapointment
Hi there. I wish you the best of luck in applying for this appeal. I'll do what I can to provide you with writing feedback to help you.

I think that the introductory paragraph of your essay can still be improved if you focus more on curating information with a structured approach. While it was great that you had acknowledged your mistakes, you should try to initially incorporate the technicalities of the repurcussions. For instance, try citing clauses apart from the GPA regarding the scholarship that would prove that you would still fall under the premises.

While the second paragraph was packed with details retelling the events, I would suggest that you try to make your explanations more concise. While you may feel the urge to explain everything, it would be more professional for your letter to prioritize which portions are truly necessary for the committee to assess your situation.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Writing - What does it mean to be a good neighbor? [2]

@pitheson
Hello there. Seeing as you are new here, welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your learning endeavors.

To begin with, I think that the introductory portions of your text can still be improved. If you try to not overexplain, you'll be able to curate shorter and yet more meaningful content because you'll be able to focus on what's essential for your text.

While having transition words are alright, try your best to not saturate your content too much with them. For instance, in your second paragraph's second line, you could have opted to remove the words "to be specific" to assist in ensuring that you deliver in a straightforward manner.

Be cautious of the structure as well of your sentences. Note that you need to incorporate appropriate punctuation to create dynamic pauses.

Writing Feedback / Railway transportation will improve traffic congestion and reduce air pollution problem [3]

@htc
Hello. Good to see you around! I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay to help you. If you find this helpful, you can always come back!

Firstly, I find that the first paragraph's last lines need to be revised. You had quite a messy structure here, making your thoughts difficult to comprehend for readers. Try to divide your thoughts into smaller lines instead of chunking everything into one piece.

Furthermore, I find that the lack of examples throughout your essay to be unsuitable for this type of content. Because you're working with thoughts that are ingrained in reality, it would help readers to visualize what precisely would assist them in the future. Once you do this, you'll be able to have a more fruitful output for your work.

Research Papers / ENG 108 Final Paper - Should we live together before marriage? [3]

@Petra Shih
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I'll be providing you with writing feedback on your writing. I hope you find this beneficial for your writing endeavors.

Taking your essay from an objective viewpoint, I would say that your essay requires a little bit more of adjustment in terms of length. You have quite heavy paragraphs that could still be trimmed down into the essential parts. If you do this, you will be able to learn as well how to curate more concise sentences to have a better perspective on writing.

Try not to overexplain too much. For instance, the fifth paragraph's first lines were quite unnecessary because of articulating too many lines. While it may appear to be alright to do this because you have more explanations to back your thoughts, the lines are not building any critical data in the text.

Writing Feedback / Library vs the Internet - benefits for student information access [4]

@tranlinh171
Hi there. Welcome to this forum! If you find any of this feedback helpful, I'll do my best to continuously assist you in your writing endeavors for the future.

When you're writing and thinking of a way to put down details in your text, I heavily suggest that you try to add more substantive information. For instance, your first paragraph's opening line could be improved by simply stating that there's increased accessibility to information nowadays. This is a less rambling approach to writing as you can tell.

The second paragraph needs improvement on the structure. Incorporate more punctuation to assist you in writing with clarity. This will also help you add more pauses to ensure that you dissiminate the text with ease.

Writing Feedback / Line graph reveals the proportion of visitors who traveled four difference attractions in Brighton [3]

@sanbe
Hello there! Welcome here. As I agree with the prior comment, next time just do not leave out adding the necessary graph to help us. Nonetheless, I'll do my best to provide you with writing feedback.

Structure-wise, I heavily suggest that you try to add more details to your written text in terms of writing techniques to help you organize your text. This includes, for instance, punctuation and pauses that will improve the overall flow of writing that you have.

Having said that and observing your second paragraph, I suggest that you add more details to your writing. Simplify your thought patterns to help readers understand your message.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: whether people should increase the limit of retirement age. [3]

@kimese
Hi! I'm here to welcome you to the forum and provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

I agree with the prior comment that you've committed quite a number of fundamental mistakes. No worries. These are all easily to be adjusted to if you can focus more on enhancing your writing style from the core. If you can grasp these basic details, you'll be able to fortify your writing style a lot more.

Try to take it step by step. One of the primary things you can do is, of course, try to utilize simpler sentence structures that follow the subject-predicate patterns. Simplification will trim down unnecessary phrases, making your writing more efficient in relaying information.

Take smaller chunks of text instead of the larger ones you already have now.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2- two-part question: do the role of a mother differ in some ways from the role of a father? [3]

@s410377088
Hello. Thanks for coming back! I hope you're doing good. I'll give you feedback on this essay.

The first paragraph needs a bit more work. While the first sentence is straightforward, it still lacks being more specific with what the direction of your essay is supposed to be. It is unnecessary for you to mention that these differentiations exist because of national perceptions. Rather, try to mention that these are gender-based notions as this appears to be a firmer approach than what you currently have at the moment.

Try to be more direct with language usage. For example, the first lines of the second paragraph could have been phrased in a simpler manner. If you do this, you'll be able to focus on more important details.

Writing Feedback / The connection of using energy and releasing greenhouse gas in Australia [3]

@Thanggggg
Hi. Good luck on your first task! I will try my best to provide you with feedback on your writing. Before that, I would like to note that it would be helpful if you could provide us with photos of the charts next time to help us with assessing your written work.

With what I am provided here, I can say that you had quite a clear-cut approach to writing. This is appreciated, especially when you're required to write with ease the information and details that you have.

However, I would recommend working on simplifying some of your messier sentences. For example, your second paragraph is quite unclear because of the stark differentiation between this work and others. The placement of percentages could have been neater to assist us in understanding your work better.

Writing Feedback / Should the nonprofit community services be added to high school curriculum? IELTS Writing Task 2 [2]

@hikigay
Hi. Seeing as you are new to the forum, I personally welcome you here! I hope you can become an active member in the forum.

Firstly, be cautious of your usage of preposition or other forms of connecting words. For instance, in your first paragraph's last line, it should have been phrased as: "essay will discuss how voluntary work". Notice how necessary (despite how minute) these details are.

Don't deprive your readers of details, especially in your body paragraphs. Your second paragraph, for example, answer more in-depth questions here. How can the young truly benefit in these situations? How will the state budget be reduced here?

Try to not make bold statements without any firm details to back your information (ie. observe the third paragraph).

You need to balance out your conclusion with a short summation and a personal note on the topic.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Both sides opinion : Should elderly people be forced to retired or not? [5]

@Snoopy Jr
Hello. I'll try my best to give you critical feedback for your essay.

Firstly, I suggest revising the structure of your first paragraph. The flow is quite messy because of the lack of transition words and phrases in between heavy thesis-like lines. If you can be more specific, it would be better for your writing endeavors because it'll permit you to be more focused on substantive information. You can, for instance, omit the last line here because it's quite unnecessary.

As for the body paragraphs, try focus on simplifying your lines a lot more. It appears to heavy on the eyes of readers when you simply focus too much on hefty details throughout.

Try to also add more examples throughout your writing.

Best of luck!

Writing Feedback / Grading an Issue essay for GRE AWA section [2]

@wayfarer13
Hello. I hope you're doing well. As you're new here, I hope you can keep joining us for more substantive learning discussions on essay writing.

Generally, I have observed that your writing style is immensely put-together. You have quite a balanced writing approach wherein you are able to smoothly substantiate in order to reiterate how you'll be able to nurture your writing. I would only suggest trying to compose with intent and a straightforward writing approach. Take a look at, for instance, the second paragraph's last lines. These portions require that you focus primarily on logically expanding your opinion in order to lead the readers into your last sentence.

As I always tell others, if you can divide a sentence into two lines, opt to do this. Apply this heavily to your third to fourth paragraph as you have quite heavy sentences because of unnecessary weight.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: In twenty years, cars vs environment [2]

@Yunyu Zhang
Hi. Hopefully I'll provide you with writing feedback that you will be able to learn from. Please do keep coming back to us for more!

I suggest omitting unnecessary lines and words throughout your essay. If you do this, you'll be able to focus on curating substantive details because it would allow you to focus on more essential information and prioritize these portions. Having said that, I recommend applying this specifically to your first paragraph. When transitioning, for instance, to your second sentence, try to omit the first lines and go straightforward. Remember that a straightforward writing approach will immensely assist you in writing efficiently.

Your second paragraph as well can be enhanced by simplifying details. If you can separate a line into two sentences, opt to do it as this will help you have more of a logical approach.

Writing Feedback / Changes to price of food products from 1978 to 2009 - IELTS 1 [3]

@helloitsdlinh
Hi! Seeing as you're new here, I welcome you to the forum. I'm here to provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

Firstly, generally speaking, I find that the general flow of your essay is quite put-together. You were able to incorporate an enermous amount of your writing skills into the entirety of the text. This has made your essay extensively well. I would only recommend trying to revise, for example, the last paragraph of your text because of the lack of clarity in the overall meaning. The second sentence (particularly) has quite a messy sentence structure. I would heavily recommend adding more of a simpler approach.

Other than that, well done on your writing endeavors!

Graduate / My statement of purpose for Masters in Biotechnology- Northeastern University [2]

@Jeyashree96
Hello. Welcome here! No worries. As always, we'll do our best to assist you in your writing endeavors. I hope you find my feedback beneficial to enhance your writing style.

Focusing primarily on the content of your essay, I would say that you need to maintain or retain a specific tone throughout your writing to make it appear put-together. Notice how your first paragraph was a personalized anecdote on what you wished to pursue - whereas the next portions were quite too focused on heavily articulating or squeezing your background. I would suggest trying to keep it balanced at all times. If you wish to add anecdotes or small stories, sprinkle them throughout your writing instead of putting it in a vacuum in one portion.

That being said, structure-wise, I heavily recommend keeping your paragraphs short and concise. Observe your fifth to seventh paragraphs. These are all too heavy for readers to appreciate because of their length.

I hope you do well in your applications!

Research Papers / Media's Hidden Effects for ENG 102 [2]

@nickENG102
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I'll be providing you with writing feedback on this specific essay. I hope you find this to be helpful and keep coming back to us!

Firstly, you have to ensure that you have clarity in the way that you relay information in your text. This pertains primarily to how you compose complex sentences when they have simpler alternatives. While it's generally alright to be creative, it should not hinder the overall delivery of your message. For instance, observe your first paragraph. Some portions still lacked a more straightforward approach. Your thesis statement (first sentence of the entire essay) needs to be enhanced by omitting unnecessary lines to not disrupt the transmission of details.

While it's okay to add flair and drama to your writing, try to still maintain that academic tone by ensuring that you have educational information scattered throughout.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / There are benefits derived from travelling to remote areas, however it has numerous of downsides too [4]

@Laura Luc
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! Because you're new here, I would just like to wish that you find all of this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

I agree with a prior comment that your composition is well-done. It has no visibly disturbing negative details that can impact your essay's quality. Therefore, most of my suggestions are focused on improving the outlook of your written text.

I recommend that you mix in simpler sentences alongside your more complex ones. This makes up for a more organic writing technique as opposed to a robotic monotonous academic tone. Remember that this will tickle your readers a little bit more.

I would also suggest working on the clarity of your text. This pertains to explicitly mentioning when you're already working with examples to somehow guide readers into your work.

Writing Feedback / Ecology solution - IELTS essay Task 2: Problem solution essay [3]

@qromj19
Hello. I hope you're doing good! It's good to see people who keep coming back to the forum for substantial writing feedback. I hope you find this beneficial!

I agree with a prior comment that it's frowned upon to have examples in the introductory paragraph. This portion should be bold to exhibit the primary requirements to have an understandable text.

I would suggest to first and foremost work on the general organization of your essay. It would be useful if you can fluidly give out thoughts without appearing to be cluttered to the readers. You can do this through laying out first a sequence that you need to maintain and follow.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the number of enquiries received - tourist information [5]

@thuyngan
Hello there. I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope that you like the writing feedback that you receive here. Please do come back to us for more!

I agree with a prior comment that you do not have issues when it comes to providing a general analysis of the text. The only suggestion that we have would be to add more structure to your writing. This pertains to the usage of punctuation to add appropriate pauses all throughout your writing.

Be consistent as well with your verb tenses. Remember that these analysis typically should be carried out in past tense due to how you are reiterating details that have already occurred.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: International Tourism - Advantages and Disadvantages [4]

@barryha2705
Hi there. I apologize if those were insufficient. I'll do my best to give out opinions with more clarity in them to better assist your writing endeavors.

I appreciate the structure and logical coherence of the first paragraph because you took the readers step by step with what they should expect from the upcoming text. Keep this up.

While the second paragraph is great, I heavily suggest trying to be more specific and incorporating more concrete examples and/or illustrations. When you mention that tourism can affect the local lives, try to illustrate and describe with detail what this picture looks like. If you can give out a real-world example, the better it would be.

Keep yourself grounded with appropriate pauses to have more structure.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: Argument essay No need to use animals for food, clothing and medicine [4]

@hanhdth83
Hi there! Given that you're new here, I welcome you to the forum! I hope you find all this feedback to be beneficial for your writing endeavors.

Firstly, be cautious of your usage of pauses (or lack thereof). Without these pauses, you end up having rather chunky run-on sentences that do not benefit your writing style's clarity. For instance, your first paragraph's last sentence should have had commas before and after the word myself to trigger an appropriate pause.

Try to also implement better and smoother transitions for your body paragraphs. You jumped from the manufacturing of garments to the medical perspective without having at least a linking line in between. Doing so would have helped readers to fully fathom why it's necessary to chunk both beside each other.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Governments should not waste money on space exploration [3]

@Langnhatque
Hello there! Given that you're new here, welcome to the forum! I hope you find this writing feedback to be helpful to your endeavors.

The initial opening line needs a bit of enhancement. Try to create a thesis statement that would have more of an argumentative approach to it rather than blatantly informative. If you do this, you'll be able to add more details to the text provided.

Furthermore, while giving out your personal opinions is alright for the chunk of the text, try to avoid doing this too much. Balance it out with general thoughts and opinions. For example, take a look at your second paragraph. You immediately began it with an opinionated line.

Remember to also be cautious of structured writing at all times.

Writing Feedback / Prison or education is the greater way in dealing with crime problems [3]

@letrandaohoa
Hi there. It's good to see you coming back again! I hope you find this next writing feedback to be helpful as well for your endeavors.

I applaud you for your grasp of the language. You had clarity and integrity in your composition, making the text easy to dissect for individuals who are reading it. My primary suggestion would be to focus heavily on the overall rhythm of your text. Watch over the structure and the lack of punctuation. Without these pauses, your sentences would appear to be rather run-on rather than functional. Apply this especially to the middle sections of your body paragraphs where your composition somehow becomes troublesome because of the lack of structure.

Hope this helps you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2- opinion type: do companies have social responsibilities? [2]

@s410377088
Hi there. I hope you're doing good! I'll be giving you writing feedback on this work. If you have more inquiries, don't hesitate to approach us for the input.

While I appreciate the straightforward and clean writing technique you had implemented in the first parts of the text, I would recommend looking into utilizing pauses and punctuation a lot more to assist you in writing. For instance, there should have been a comma before the but in the first sentence. Be cautious of these small mistakes.

I appreciate your usage of bold examples to back your thoughts. Keep this up!

Aside from this, I suggest adding more into the concluding remarks. It appears to be an unfinished paragraph because of the lack of opening and closing thesis statements that are usually sought after in the text.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: Factors affect children's development [2]

@ththao_99
Hi there! Welcome back here. I hope you've been doing well with your learning endeavors. I'll be giving you feedback on this essay to hopefully help you in your writing endeavors.

While I appreciate the straightforward approach in the first paragraph, it can still be improved by ensuring that the text laid out would be thoroughly dissected. For instance, try to just directly mention that the other factors are instead of reiterating that these factors do exist. Notice how the former simplifies complex thoughts to pinpoint clarity of text.

You should apply these text simplification techniques even until your second paragraph. Your text still somehow comes up as cluttered here because you appeared to be rather blabbering than maintaining a logical approach to writing.

Writing Feedback / Cars and shopping advantages and disadvantages [2]

@Winter
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay! Hopefully this will help you improve your writing skills.

Firstly, you need to work on improving the organization of your thoughts because it appears to be rather cluttered still. I highly suggest that you try your best to ensure that the details are laid out clearly in the open, assuring that the meaning would be relayed effectively. For instance, your current second paragraph appears to be quite out of place. Try to merge these thoughts to the introductory paragraph to save some space.

Furthermore, I would also try to encapsulate and cap your concluding paragraph a little bit more. Add more personal takes and analysis on this written work to help you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing: agree/disagree: if unpaid service should be a compulsory part of school or not [3]

@letrandaohoa
Hello. Welcome back! I'm here once more to provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

I think that the first paragraph was executed beautifully. You were short and simple with your language - and yet, there was immense clarity with what you were trying to say. Keep up this balance when writing!

When using examples (for instance, in the second paragraph's last portions), try to be more creative and specific. While using your friend as an example might be alright, having firmer generalized opinions might be more suitable for your writing endeavors to assist you.

The third paragraph also appears to be quite messy due to its general composition. I suggest trying to be more straightforward with your language in this portion.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Knowledge taught at school [4]

@nimbus2k2
Hi! It's good to see you again on the forum.

First and foremost, you can improve your first paragraph by ensuring that you keep a structured writing approach. This, of course, means that you simplify your first sentence to create a more concrete thesis statement that will be the basis of everything else in your essay.

I also recommend improving your overall argumentation when it comes to building the essay's foundation. Try to explain more thoroughly why there's a difference between these hard academic skills and domestic-based ones. If you can give out examples (even a small simple one), it would as well be beneficial for your text.

Everything else in the essay is decent.

Writing Feedback / Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes [2]

@thuhanguyen9599
Hello there. Welcome to the forum!

I'll be providing you with writing feedback on this work.

I personally appreciate the straightforward writing approach that you have. You were able to expound without needing to add excessive detail that derail the meaning of the text.

A recommendation I would put forward is to evade the usage of informal language and structures. For instance, observe the flow of the last sentences of your second paragraph. While the initial portions were alright, the latter was quite messy when it came to explaining thoroughly your sentiments.

Remember to continuously use firm and concrete examples to back your words. This will essentially help you be more fruitful with your words.

Undergraduate / Grow up - Story for common app essay- prompt 7 [2]

@pa_123
Hi. Hopefully this feedback will be helpful for your writing endeavors!

Focusing on the logical sequencing of your essay, I would say that you need to focus more on ensuring that you have an organized flow to your writing. This includes, for instance, including portions of the text that would expound on the thesis statement of your content. If you can sequentially expound everything with ease by a time line, it would help readers as well not be confused with all of the details that you put on the table.

Aside from that, I think you can focus a lot more as well on ensuring that you can confidently place altogether all your opinions. When you're putting your skills in one place in the text, try to be as concise as much as possible.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / No advertisement in the world [3]

@lucy1990
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

First and foremost, you need to work on the overall flow of your content. You need to add more structure and organization. For instance, try to add more punctuation to your first paragraph to improve the pauses that you would have in between your thought patterns.

It would also be helpful if you can merge being creative with descriptions alongside simplicity. Don't overexplain your thoughts. Rather, try to add depth by incorporating more examples throughout your essay.

There's a lack of clarity as well in your second paragraph. I recommend revising this portion in accordance.

Writing Feedback / Should government control excessive salaries? [5]

@Ann_Ng
Hello! I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

Firstly, try to ensure that you have clarity when you're writing. You can do this through creating more thorough and smaller chunks of text to assist you in writing. For instance, in your first paragraph, try to simplify the second sentence because it appears to be quite rambling and messy. Minimize cluttered language as this makes your essay appear to be disorganized more than anything.

Furthermore, try to evade the usage of repetitive language when you're writing. If you have mentioned a particular line or something synonymous to it, then try to focus on expounding it rather than merely mentioning everything all over again.

Make sure that you also have an academic tone.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task2: Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. [8]

@tinapakshad1
Hello there! While you already had quite a lot of feedback, I hope to provide you with something that would somehow be beneficial for you in the long-run. I want to focus primarily on the overall flow of your essay.

Firstly, I recommend that you try to incorporate more of a structured approach to writing. This means using vastly and with more precision things such as pauses and punctuation to create more dynamism in your writing. If you do this, you can incorporate more writing in your text.

Furthermore, I also recommend that you create simpler sentences. Remember that clarity is critical when writing because this determines the flow of your text and how well it would be received by people.

Writing Feedback / How to improve road safety? Are punishments too lenient? [4]

@rainhoang
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I hope to provide you with writing feedback that would be substantial for your essay in the long-run.

I think that you have quite a strong grasp of the language. Because of this, I heavily suggest that you focus more on the depth and overall content of your essay. Notice how you still lack concrete examples to expound your thoughts and opinions. Incorporating these would enable you to build your essay's information.

Secondly, I also recommend trying to omit unnecessary words in your writing. This would include, for instance, filler words that are unnecessary and inappropriate. Make more concise sentences.

Best of luck as always.