Writing Feedback / Going to school or homeschooling [5]

Based on the prompt for this essay, there should not be a disadvantage discussion because you are asked to discuss the advantages for each method and then, offer your opinion as to which type of study you support and why. When you do not provide the correct discussion format, such as in this case, you will only receive a score for the section that applies to the prompt discussion instruction and your supporting opinion explanation. When that is done, word deductions are placed due to the existence of an unrelated paragraph. Since you only wrote 255 words, your final essay presentation will be far less than the 250 minimum. Resulting in a failing TA score without even adding other TA errors on your part. Then, there are the other errors present in the essay related to the scoring considerations. Once totaled, you will not be able to receive a passing score. By the way, I have to call you out in the misuse of punctuation marks. You can only use one punctuation mark as a time. You cannot use that successively as you did with the comma and ellipses. That will definitely result in an additional failing TA score due to improper sentence structure and lack of familiarity with English punctuation mark usage.

Graduate / Anesthesiologist Assistant Program Personal Statement: Experience with Healthcare Disparities? [2]

I can understand how your father's illness would have opened your mind to considering a career in healthcare. However, I do not see how his illness would have contributed to your interest in becoming an AA. You should always try to connect your personal interest with the career you have chosen. That means, your father's illness should serve as the catalyst for your interest in healthcare, while also opening you eyes to the importance of the AA in treating patients. The latter part of this essay in reference to AA sounds more like you took it out a textbook definition rather than a personal insight.

Writing Feedback / iELTS essay about the internet which has brought significant changes to our lives in recent years [4]

There is a severe shortage in the word count for this essay. Presenting only 218 out of the required 250 words will definitely prevent you from getting a passing score once the overall deductions are completed in the final tally. Your essay is definitely under developed and under discussed. The thoughts are not clearly explained and lacks in proper example references. The short paragraphs are the main problem in your presentation. Do not rely on run on sentences to get you through the essay. Those will always end up costing your GRA deductions. If you can manage to stick to 5 sentences per paragraph, you will be able to meet most of the prompt formatting requirements, with a better focus on the LR, GRA, plus C&C scoring requirements.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES WHEN MOVING TO NEW PLACES AND STRATEGIES [2]

Yes, you wrote it within 40 minutes. However, you are still over explaining and using useless sentences that do not help move your explanations forward. You do not need to over extend each paragraph introduction. You need only topic sentences to kick off the discussion. The examiner is looking for your clarity of explanation within quick responses. Short but concise. Similar to writing an exam in a classroom setting. You should not over analyze and over discuss. The essay needs to focus on producing less writing errors such as in referencing the race of people, plural v. singular presentations, and proper sentence structures. It is not enough that you wrote a lot in 40 minutes. You have to write with the least number of errors within 40 minutes. That is the only way to assure yourself of a higher than passing score.

Writing Feedback / Museums and art galleries are not needed today, because of technology [3]

Do not say that something is undeniable in the prompt restatement. Never offer an opinion that is unrelated to the discussion requirements as you are offering a truthful insight, trying to convince the reader of the truth behind your opinion, when it is not required of you in the instructions. Just follow the basic writing instructions provided to you. The response you gave is incorrect as you gave a measured response of partial agreement, which is meant for an extent essay. The original prompt only requires you to choose between one of the opinions. Either you agree or disagree. Now, these are the reasons why this essay is most likely to fail in an actual setting:

- Offering information not included in the original prompt
- Irrelevant discussion response
- Incorrect discussion format (reasoning paragraphs)
- Other GRA, LR and C&C errors in the presentation

Scholarship / Short essay about Heuristics (Questbridge College Prep Scholars Program) 1st prompt [2]

If you are really confident that you wish to be a Cognitive Science student, then you should not be afraid to get personal in the discussion. An apprehension when it comes to the personal reasons for the course means there is a part of you that is not certain of this choice. Consider discussing Psychology in general at the start. Maybe you will be able to create a channel that will connect the two related fields by doing so. Do not try to be too deeply intellectual in the presentation. That could be another reason that you are getting blocked from a personal presentation. Just keep things simple. Don't try to impress the reviewer with the first essay. That should happen over a series of connected essay prompts.

Scholarship / Workforce Competency Development through TESOL (Australia Award Scholarship) [2]

The information you provide as an introduction is specific to only your country. You make it appear as if that is information that applies internationally. Do not mislead the reviewer. Make sure that you are country specific in referring to this information. While it is a good reason for the basis of your chosen courses in general, you should avoid over generalization in your presentation. Rather, introduce that program in summary form, then use specifics as the reason for the courses you chose in each university. That way the skills development you are discussing will have a specific program application, making your professional reasons for choosing the universities and courses much more stronger than simply as a general reference point.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays many ecosystems in the world are experiencing problems [2]


- Whose extinction? What is this discussion about? What is the purpose of this essay? The original prompt is not properly restated. You have left the reader confused as to what the whole point of this discussion is and what the discussion topics are. The discussion instruction is unclear. You have a tremendously faulty prompt restatement that, I am afraid, cannot help you get a passing score.

The conclusion you have written is less than the suggested 40 word summary. It failed to restate the prompt, discussion instructions, and reasoning provided in a manner that offered a proper summary review of the discussion. Without the original prompt, which you should have provided, I cannot tell what else is wrong with your work. However, I am confident that the work you have provided is going to have a difficult time getting a passing score due to the inaccuracies I have mentioned. As a proper restatement of the original prompt, this essay failed to accomplish its task.

Scholarship / Motivation Letter for Scholarship from a final-year chemical engineering student [3]

Focus your response on the movements of your country to focus on developing lithium raw materials for electric cars. Always focus on the immediate response rather than a lengthy introduction. Just because you have a 2000 word allowance does not mean you need to bore the reviewer with an extremely long, but often irrelevant response. He needs you to be quick, on point, and informative in every paragraph. Do not create an unnecessarily long presentation. That is not going to gain you point and will only result in the reviewer deciding to stop reviewing your essay after a paragraph or so. You want him to read it till the very end and you can only do that by holding his interest through informative and focused paragraph presentations.

You can skip the first paragraph and just integrate the Indonesia based information into the second paragraph. That is where the actual discussion begins anyway. Not only will it shorten the essay, but it will also provide immediate and relevant information that will make the reviewer continue reading your application letter.


- And learned what? How did that chat influence your decision? That is a more relevant response than what you learned on your own since you spoke directly to an alumna of the program whose name may just carry influence, provided she will also be recommending you for the scholarship.

Writing Feedback / fossil fuels are the main sources of energy,alternative energy should be encouraged for used [2]

The original prompt for this essay asks if you think this is a positive or negative development. Since your response is that you partly agree with the issue, the response format, as you have provided, is incorrect. You have given a measured response to the prompt when the discussion instruction / question does not require such an answer. Therefore, your TA score will start at a failing level due to your unrelated response to the prompt. Now, since you did not properly respond to the question, which is a one sided opinion discussion, the essay cannot receive a passing score. Once your response format for the TA section is incorrect, the rest of the discussion paragraphs are incorrect as well. So you cannot expect to get a passing score with this type of presentation because:

- You failed to use the correct response format to the question;
- Your discussion presentation uses the comparative format when the discussion requires a single opinion explanation
- You clearly showed the examiner that you did not understand the original prompt topic, question, and discussion instruction

We have sample essay responses to this prompt listed in the Similar Threads section. I suggest that you read those essays to gain a better understanding of how to approach this type of prompt question.

Scholarship / Japan - An event has that influenced you - STUDENT EXCHANGE PROGRAM [3]

You should not be describing the before aspect in such a great detail. Instead, you should be focusing on the "during" experience. The prompt is asking for an explanation regarding how this experience managed to influence you for the better. I saw a gloss over in the presentation, a simple discussion that doesn't really reflect the positive changes that occurred during your stay in Japan. While the orientation camps are a good reference, your time actually spent adjusting to life in Japan is what matters the most as it is that experience which requires you to present how you matured as a person and developed new skills for your personal, social, and moral betterment.

Scholarship / Essay 1 - examples of the benefits that the GOI-IES would provide me [2]

The professional aspect does not have a convincing motivation for your application. The reason for your desire to receive the scholarship should reflect your career interests and plans for the future. Right now, that listing is very shallow and does not really inform the reviewer in a manner that would help boost the profile of your application.

Why do you want to report about Brazil in the Irish press? What image do the Irish have of Brazilians? Is it imperative that this image be changed? Why? How will your articles promote cross cultural relationships and bilateral considerations between the two countries? By using the outline format, you are really limiting the relationship between your discussion points. It would be better if you could discuss these in paragraph form, using discussion points that would help create a cohesive discussion of the prompt discussion points.

Scholarship / eCommerce - Goal of study and detailed study plan - you in advance wish you all the best [3]

The essay only covers the goal of your study. It does not explain the study plan that you envision for yourself as a student. Your first paragraph is way too long, without actually focusing on the goal of your studies. That first paragraph is mostly a motivational statement that would be better utilized in the statement of purpose than the goal of study and study plan presentation. The last 2 paragraphs can be moved to your new essay response. Just delete the first paragraph and then make sure to write a convincing study plan during your time in Korea. Don't forget that you should also be addressing your language study plan in the presentation. That is definitely missing in totality in this current presentation. So you have to revise the essay to show 2 missing elements:

- Language study
- Study plan

Scholarship / Personal Statement For KGSP Graduate Program 2021 - Master's Degree in Psychology [3]

Your information, experience, and reference to activities and interests would make you a more qualified candidate for the CSC ( China Scholarship Council) under the Chinese Government Scholarship (CGS) rather than the GKS. Perhaps you should be applying for the other scholarship instead? Your credentials make you a more competitive candidate for the CGS rather than the GKS. Always align your skills and experiences, along with your life interests, with the correct scholarship program. Otherwise, your application becomes a question of "Why GKS over CGS" in the minds of the reviewers. Aside from that, the essay only requires editing and proof reading for clarity and presentation format. Something that you can contact me privately to do for you.

Scholarship / Sports science - Personal statement for KGSP-G (2021) [2]

The motivational questions you are using in this essay are very shallow and basic. These do not represent a strong academic and professional reason for you to pursue such a prestigious scholarship overseas. These sound more like the questions someone who is considering his undergraduate course options would be asking himself. These are not the motivational points that would increase your profile as an applicant. Your relevant training is acceptable. However, these do not seem to have a professional relevance since these are just undergraduate training experiences. If you can expand on your professional experience as:

- a motivating factor
- event that influenced your decision to apply overseas for a scholarship
- any risks you might have taken as a professional
- motivation to choose studying in Korea rather than your home country

To name but a few considerations, you should be able to revise the essay into a more relevant and useful presentation.

Letters / Letter of Intent for undergrad Turkey Burslari scholarship application - Computer science degree [3]

A sincere and serious applicant will never reuse an old essay, reformat an old essay, or try to pass off an old essay a new one. If you have previously used this essay, and the scholarship committee decides to check it for plagiarism, then your previous work will be found online or, in their files. If you do not have any new, pertinent information to present, which will make you an improved candidate for the scholarship, then do not apply at all. You may mention, as a part of the full transparency aspect of the application that you were a previous applicant who did not get the scholarship. However, your situation has improved since then, and you want to call their attention to these changes under this new application. Refer as little as possible to your old essay because the reviewers are more interested in your improved skills and information, not what you were in the past. Think about it, if you failed to get the scholarship the last time using that information, why do you think you can use it again now for the same application? What makes you think that information will help you this time around?

Writing Feedback / The potential damage for children when they are overusing computers. Write 250words [3]

You have a tendency to provide a generalized rather than focused thesis statement. A general thesis statement, one that does not offer your discussion topics, will not help your TA score because you are not offering a short form of the upcoming discussion paragraphs. You have also repeated the same errors as you had in your previous essay. It is important that you do not keep writing essays without waiting for the reviews. Doing so wastes your time (due to repeated errors and no lessons learned) and my time (due to repeated advice given). As such, this tells me that you only want to write the essays, but not really be told what to correct because you do not care to wait for writing corrections.

Writing Feedback / Traffic jams and traffic accidents are big problems in Vietnam [2]

This is a 4 paragraph essay that utilizes only 2 reasoning paragraphs. One for the causes and one for the solutions. You are not using the proper format for the discussion and, you are wasting valuable editing time by writing more than 2 reasoning paragraphs. Your thesis statement is not clear. It does not tell me exactly what topics you will be discussing based on the subjects. You only imply a discussion, which does not help to pre-summarize your discussion presentation.

Avoid exaggerated presentations. It is acceptable for you to refer to the topic as concerning, but not as controversial as there is no reference to such a situation in the original presentation. Examiners do not like it when students exaggerate the topic presentation because it often leads to misdirected discussion points in the reasoning paragraphs.

You also cannot use 3 punctuation marks successively in a sentence. That is going to severely reduce your GRA score due to your obvious lack of grammar and punctuation usage.

Writing Feedback / From a long time psychologists claim that colors can affect people's feelings. IELTS 2 [3]

There are 2 questions that need a response representation in your thesis section. You responded to the first one, regarding the truth of the statement, but failed to represent a topic response regarding the degree of influence that color has on people's worth ethic and health. For a clear representation of your opinion, you should present 2 sentences that are composed of the topics you plan to discuss in the reasoning paragraphs. Doing so will increase your TA score as you create a complete thesis presentation for that section.

The first reasoning paragraph does not relate to the colors in its presentation. Therefore, the response is incorrect. The second reason, in relation to hospitals makes sense and is acceptable as a supporting discussion based on your reason. However, you do not give a true measure as to how little the color scheme affects the said subjects. If it does not influence the workplace, then explain why, the same way that you did for the hospital discussion.

Scholarship / 2021 GKS Graduate Personal Statement: International Business Major [2]


- Talk more about your family background. Introduce your parents to the reviewer. Let him / her get to know your family based on the character, conduct, and work ethics of your parents and how they have inspired you to become a better person / professional.

You can remove the reference to your first time entering the workplace. It is the paragraph after that which is more relevant. You have failed to discuss your extra curricular activities and significant experiences. The work experience is too shallow for this application to make you a contender. You are performing secretarial work more or less, which does not really tie in with your interest in International Business. You need to show a relationship between your work experience and your interest in this course. I do not believe you have any international experience of relevance and that can really pose a problem for your application.

Scholarship / English Learning during Covid-19 and ESP for Young Adults - TESOL Master Degree Essay (AAS) [2]

The paragraph about the pandemic should be worked into the motivation for your desire to complete the masters program. It should not be separate in the presentation because, when done that way, it tends to confuse the reviewer as it seems to be a separate discussion that you suddenly decided to throw into the essay. You should blend it into the presentation as the real motivation for your studies as this has a direct impact on your career. It should be the priority motivation.

Separate the discussion for each university. Give each its own paragraph so as not to confuse the reviewer. Never blend the reasons for university choices. Indicate your first and second university choices and reasons for each. In individual paragraphs for clarity purposes.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing 2 - Topic: pros and cons of public transport [2]

You are not being asked to discuss why public transportation is so popular and some negatives of using it. Look at the original discussion topic:

OT: What are the pros and cons of using public transport.
YT: In this essay, I will discuss why public transport is so popular and some negatives of using it.

You have changed the discussion requirement in totality. You are no longer using the pro and con discussion, but rather the popularity and negativity that comes with public transportation use. That is a clear prompt deviation which means your TA score will be based on an unrelated response. You will however, still be scored based on the original prompt related discussion paragraphs you have written. Kindly remember that you should never change the topic discussion / requirements because these will result in TA percentage penalties for you in the final score.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that owning a home is more important than renting one. [3]

Your essay will start off with a failing TA score due to percentage points deductions. You have written only 244 words out of the minimum 250. The target word count for a decent score should be anywhere from 275-300 words. When you write less than the minimum word count, it is almost certain that your essay will fail as you will have point deductions in the TA section for both the lacking word count and, the cut and paste reference to the topic discussion presented in the paragraph. These will weigh down your score heavily, even if you gave a partially correct response to the discussion presentation. You failed to give the topic outline as a part of your thesis statement. Rather than myriad reasons, you should have indicated 2 reasons that you will be discussing in the reasoning paragraphs instead. There are LR issues related to proper word usage and representation. These may have an effect on your GRA score due to the confusion that it could pose to some readers.

Graduate / Cross major - Personal Statement - GKS Graduate University Track [2]


- Do not use English slang words. This term is used as a derogatory reference to someone who does not have a regular job and uses various ways and means to create his finances. It is a disrespectful term to use, specially on your own parents.

The overall essay only responds to the family history, risks, and work experience. it does not relate itself to the rest of the prompt requirements. So you are not truly offering information that will help you become a considerable candidate. You should revise the content by doing the following:

In a new text document, cut and paste all of the prompt requirements. Create 4 spaces in between. Read each question individually, then write a response to the question. Make sure you cover all of the required discussion points and that you do not go over the page requirement for responding to all questions. Do your best to respond in no more than 10 sentences per paragraph / question. That way you will not go over the page requirement. Remove the questions after you have responded to all of them. Then you will be sure that you did not unduly focus on a single or only 2 aspects of the discussion.

Since this a career change essay response, you will need to justify the change in your interest and motivation. There has to be somewhat of a connection between the change in your career interests and your previous education. The English education needs to be somewhat related to this new career interest. You can discuss that in the motivations with which you apply to the program. Are you enrolling via Uni track? Then you should include a clear reference to that in your motivation as well.

I have to warn you though that weak career change scholarship applications do not usually make it past the consideration round and right now, nothing in this presentation will qualify you past the screening round.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; The rate of employed British people based on genders in various working fields in 2005 [3]

Did you take into account that you only have 20 minutes to complete this report based on salient information presentations only? Writing 219 words leaves you only 31 words short of the 250 minimum word count for the Task 2 essay. That means writing this task may force you to use some of the Task 2 writing allowance. You do not have to make this report extremely long, just quick and informative. Anywhere between 175-200 words will be sufficient. This is only a task that asks you to prove your ability to restate information in a clear manner. It does not need to be overstated. Keep it short and understandable. That is all this task requires you to do. Due to the length of your essay, you have made more errors in the LR and GRA section than you should have. If you had kept it short, you would have made lesser score deductible mistakes.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing 2 - Rich Countries aid to Poorer Countries [3]

Richer nations, rich countries, and poorer nations are not proper nouns. These references should not be capitalized in your text. These errors will cause GRA penalties right from the start of your essay. That is not a good way to begin your base scoring consideration. At least you responded properly to the prompt question and you showed you understood the original prompt, doing your best to properly restate the original topic and reasons for the discussion. Though ESL in approach, the reader can understand what it is you are trying to say, which will have a positive effect in your GRA score, but not eliminate the penalties you will incur for the previous errors in writing presentation.

While you did a good job of discussing and defending your opinion, your second paragraph is too long. It should be shorter. No more than 5 sentences because the next paragraph should be the reverse paraphrase presentation. The concluding summary that helps to remind the reviewer of the topic, your opinion, and the reasons for your opinion in short form. This is an open-ended essay that will suffer in the final scoring due to the incomplete discussion presentation.

Scholarship / GKS Scholarship- Statement of purpose (Language Study Plan) - English and Korean [3]

The language study plan is only one part of a 3 part response. So this reference should not take more than 2 paragraphs, no more than 10 sentences per paragraph. The first paragraph, will explain how you plan to continue to learn how to properly speak and write in English before and after you arrive in Korea. Since you already took the TOEFL test and know that you have English inefficiencies, you should lay our a short form of how you will improve that skill. Do not use an outline. The response requires a paragraph format in concise form. The same goes for the learning of Hangeul. Remember that you are required to combine your response to all the prompt in this section, I believe there are 3 prompts you have to fit onto a single page, so keep your responses short but clear. If you make it to the interview round, you can explain your plans personally in an expanded verbal form. Allot response space accordingly on the page. Use the actual form to type your response into so that you have a better idea regarding if you are going over the space allotment.

Writing Feedback / Fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages? [4]


- You need to be clear use synonyms for the "advantages outweigh the disadvantages" question in the original prompt. Your response does not correspond to the expected response format. Your response / opinion is therefore not clear and is counter to the discussion instructions you were provided. It is not a comparative essay. It is a single opinion essay that will weigh heavily on the defense of one of the 2 discussion options provided. The response you have written does not follow the required format.

Due to the lack of clarity in your opinion and direct response to the question, it appears that your overall presentation is not aligned with the requirements of the prompt. You have not written a prompt applicable response essay in this case.

Writing Feedback / Child care from centers or blood relatives [2]

You have presented an opinion in the first sentence that is not part of the original prompt presentation. You are not required to give a reason in the restatement. Just repeat the facts as indicated. Do not alter the prompt requirement as that is a prompt deviation that will limit your TA score.

This is a 3 reasoning paragraph presentation that focuses on the explanation of the public opinions in separate paragraphs:
- Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children
- others think childcare centres provide the best care.
- the latter's upbringing is the best.

Focus on the explanation of the 2 public opinions using 3rd person pronouns. Why should you do that? Well, that will help you clearly indicated whose opinion is being explained and what it is based on. The reason for that? The prompt uses the words "Some working parents" and "other thing", indicating a difference in public opinion presentation. Once you explain why the public might believe those individual reasons, you can present your own opinion in the 3rd reasoning paragraph using the first person point of view.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - A majority of mature people are preferring to live with their families [2]

Wow! 496 words, way over the number of words that you can actually write within the 40 minute time frame if you truly take the time to analyze the question, draft a response, review the response, edit, proofread, and finalize the content. There is absolutely no way that you can do all of that, and write that many words within the given time allowance. Aim for 275-300 words alone. That is the number of written words that will help you focus on the quality of the work you are presenting. This length of essay writing often results in more presentation errors being made. You do not need to write too much, you just have to write the proper number of words that will allow the examiner to best assess your English comprehension and writing skills.

This essay shows that you did not understand the discussion instruction. So you wrote an essay that will fail due to the format not being related to the task assigned. What is the task assigned? It is based on the following:

OQ: Do the advantages of this outweigh its the disadvantages?
Response: In my opinion this trend has both pros and cons in equal measures.

The keyword here is "outweigh". The response cannot show an equality of reasoning due to that word. That specific word "outweigh" means that it is a single opinion essay based on a single supporting statement. Either the advantages weigh more than the disadvantages or the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. There is no other option. Therefore, this essay shall receive an overall failing score based on :

- Improper format response
- Lack of clear opinion in the overall presentation

Writing Feedback / The boss very important do work [2]

A formally written essay / sentence never begins with the conjunction "because". That is due to the word more often than not being used as a connecting word between two connected thought presentations. You should come across that lesson in your English writing classes soon. The rest of the essay is acceptable for an ESL writer. The thoughts you are conveying have a clear subject, an understandable idea, and an easy to follow, although often grammatically incorrect sentence presentation. You are doing well enough so far. I am sure you will become more skilled in English writing grammar over time. Keep writing in English. Continue to read English only materials. I am sure you can only get better from here.

Undergraduate / I'm able to understand how far I can go and the effort that it requires; UGRAD Program participation [2]


This is the most community relevant aspect of your discussion. Yet, it fails to portray you in a leadership role that had you overcoming obstacles, leading the team, supervising activities, and engaging with community members for the realization of the activity. The discussion about your college course is irrelevant in this scenario as it does not contain a community leadership theme. Focus on the prompt requirement. Show the reviewers why you will be great participant in the program based on your service to your home community. That is confusingly presented in this essay. Focus on what is required. Do not confuse the presentation with portrayals that do not have a true community engagement or benefit scenario.

Two activities can be used to portray that:
- Reforestation
- program for the control of public clinical laboratory results.

Revise the essay accordingly.

Scholarship / Examples how you will gain from your scholarship. Indonesian policy, collaboration with Australia [3]

The representation of your plans need to subtly include a reference as to how you plan to get around the obstacles. Do not use collective references for the obstacles. For every problem, discuss the obstacle, with the veiled solution. Otherwise, the reviewer will not get a clear picture of your ability to foresee problems and solutions. The idea is to present the collaborative ideas in a manner that can assure its possible implementation in the future. These are simple discussions, nothing more. That is because of the limited discussion development where it should be fully developed to represent obstacles as well. Use one or several obstacles per discussion point using the discussion method I have previously given.

Scholarship / How have you implemented a change or reform? Controversial court judgments [3]

Focus on a singular challenge that helped produce reform. Neither of these presentations will actually impress the reviewer because of the academic and unimportant nature of the topics you dealt with. There is no evidence of leadership development, skills and practice that would help impress the reviewer. The events depicted are "ordinary" and are forgetful. It is unfortunate that your relevant experience is not truly challenging and did not truly represent a change or reform. The question is looking into your ability to change the situation in your country as a future leader. This is a weak representation of that requirement. It cannot be used as a strong response. It will weaken your chances at the scholarship. This response may be enough to remove you from consideration due to the irrelevance of your response.

Scholarship / Study impact on my career as a Policy Analyst and Planning Expert in government [3]

Remove the first paragraph. You do not need an introductory paragraph when writing character limited responses. The character limit means the reviewer wants you to give a clear and direct response from the very beginning. Shorten the rest of the paragraphs as well because these are too long for the reviewer to spend time reading. Deliver a concise discussion that will ultimately, give the quickest but most relevant explanation of how the study will contribute to your career. Discuss the career goal rather than the extensive preparation. What is the ultimate reason for the study? What is the position you hope to achieve? How does the course make for a clearer career path for yourself? The last paragraph should be the first paragraph with the rest, being the supporting explanations.

Scholarship / The Global UGRAD Program is.... Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? [2]

Your reference to PASTO App is not really along the lines of community leadership. It will not help you define your community leader role in an essay that requires a laser focus on that discussion. You should remove that paragraph and work on expanding the discussion based on your Access program participation instead. Based on what I read about your participation there, you were able to lead a team that actually provided an improvement or positive change in the life of the members of the community. That is more attuned to the expected information presentation for this essay. You can also remove the 2nd paragraph since it does not tie in with the expected discussion requirements pertaining to proof of your community leadership skills. Focus on talking about the only part that actually helps to properly depict your community leadership development and participation.

Writing Feedback / Due to the development of the internet our life has improved, but users may face some problems [3]

The discussion instruction for this essay is: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? The way the question is formed highlights the need for you to offered a measured response that will allow you to side with both presentations. Something along the lines of :

I agree with this statement up to the point where...

or

I partially disagree with this statement because...

Always present the reasons for your opinion as a part of your thesis statement to help with the C&C scoring consideration of your essay.

You cannot agree with both sides equally. That is prevented by the word "extent" in the discussion instruction. One side must have a stronger opinion coming from you than the other. It is that stronger opinion that you should be discussing in this essay due to the measured response that created the thesis statement. So your response is not in the proper response format and will receive a corresponding TA score. The conclusion itself, is also problematic because you wrote less than 40 words or 2 sentences, which would have properly summarized the discussion. As such, the presentation of that part is nothing more than an irrelevant run-on sentence.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay about advantages and disadvantages of changing career. [4]

No. The discussion approach, based on the thesis statement is incorrect. The discussion for this essay is centered on:

What are the advantages and disadvantages of changing career? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowhere in that discussion instruction are you being asked to give an opinion or come to a conclusion regarding the discussion. It is only to be presented as a 2 reasoning paragraph discussion, without conclusions made. That is a prompt deviation that will affect your TA score due to improper discussion format. The personal opinion is not required and will pose a severe percentage deduction in your TA and final score.

Scholarship / AAS - Atmospheric Sciences - your proposed course and institution [3]

You have to present a first and second university choice. That is how the reviewer will base your choice of universities. There has to be one university that you would like to attend more than the other. They can never be equal in stature and desire of attendance. There needs to be discussion of how the universities differ and why that difference is important to someone like you, in this field of work. By discussing the universities on the same footing, attendance desire measurement, and course curriculum, it appears that you do not care about what university you attend, as long as you attend one. That is not a serious student, that is a student who will settle for less as long as he gets the scholarship. That should not be the case for your application. Prioritize the university discussions.

Writing Feedback / [WRITING 2 IELTS] In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. Ageing societies. [2]

In the restatement sentence, do not mention "fact" since there is no reference to such in the original prompt. You do not need to verify the truthfulness of the topic since it is not being asked for in the original presentation. You don't have to exaggerate the discussion since that will most likely change the presentation focus and format. Just do a simple retelling of the original topic to avoid any confusion in the presentation, which is what happened in this case. Good work on the thesis statement. However, a more specific solution topic was required in response to the second instruction. All of these would have helped to create a proper prompt restatement and thesis presentation on your part, resulting in a higher TA score.

You wrote too much in the first 3 paragraphs, while you underwrote in the summary conclusion. You should be writing a total of 300 words, with at least 40 words allotted to the reverse paraphrase in the concluding section. That is to help increase your TA score to show the examiner how well you remembered the original topic, your reasons, and solutions, and are able to present a short form to the reader just as a reminder of the previous discussion points.