Writing Feedback / GRE task 1; technology link with the deterioration in the ability for humans to think for themselves [2]

Your discussion does not really connect with the given discussion topic. The sentence structures are ESL - beginner at best, and the word formations show a lack of proper vocabulary information. The prompt is asking you to: discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take.

The primary discussion should focus on the strength of your belief in agreement or disagreement with the given statement. Something that you did not properly represent in the thesis paragraph. In fact, your thesis paragraph is unclear in its discussion presentation. I believe that is because you forgot how to properly structure a sentence. You should avoid placing too much information in a single sentence. One idea per sentence. Any more than that and the sentence loses clarity. You create a run-on sentence which leads to a lack of proper discussion representation in the paragraph.

You should also know that you have to properly spell the words. Specially those that refer to proper nouns. In this unique case, the word is spelled iPad. Small i capital P. You have to show that you know how to properly represent words. You should know how to use words in proper applications. A "horse and buggy" hasn't been in use for over a hundred years. However, an automobile or a car, has been in worldwide use throughout the 20th century.

Your second paragraph is not related to the discussion prompt at all. That is one of the reasons why this essay will not be able to get a score past the 3 mark. You need to learn to stay on point, discussing only the topic requirements included in the original topic and instructions. When you include discussion topics that are not relevant, your discussion tends to become irrelevant. That irrelevance tremendously lowers your test score.

In reality, the essay is so riddled with errors that I do not know where to begin in helping you. So I will ask you to do the simplest solution first. Read more English materials, do more English sentence exercises, and build your English vocabulary. If you have to, memorize the dictionary and read online encyclopedias to help you become more familiar with world history, current events, and historical / technological breakthroughs. You can also do that by reading more English newspapers online.

I will be honest here and tell you the truth, you are not prepared to take this test yet. You will fail if you try to take the test at this point. Your overall skills just aren't at the passing level yet. You should enroll in English writing classes if you can. That would be the best way to address the collective problems with your writing.

Writing Feedback / People who had university degrees - IELTS Writing Task 1 (Line graph) [2]

Don't just say 15 years. The actual coverage years are referred to in the graph. So include the actual years. If the information is specified in the graph, you should specify it in your report too. You should have also mentioned that the measurement was represented in the thousands for each gender. These information should all be a part of the summary overview. A paragraph that needs 3 sentences to be considered informative and complete. The graph shows instances of dips in the university graduate figures for both men and women. That should have been represented in the data report. There is a lack of information balance in your representation. You focused only on the upward trends, totally forgetting that "what goes up, must come down." So the downward trends should have been reported as well. Aim for uniformity in your discussion paragraphs. Always use the minimum 3 sentence presentation, but never present more than 5 sentences. That way you constantly avoid missing the formatting requirements and, your sentences will not veer on the run-on side. Remember, this is a 3 paragraph presentation being a task 1 essay. So learn to compress the information into related sentences within 3 paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / A street market in summer in a hot climate. Write a short descriptive paragraph. [2]

I think that the paragraph is too straightforward. It is truly descriptive, in a mechanical way. You need to use a little creativity when writing the information.These descriptive statements often work better when the writer, if allowed by the teacher, uses a first person approach to the statement. The best way to write the short descriptive paragraph is always to do it by referring to your personal experience as a visitor at the street market. That gives an insider look to the market, a more engaging description of the activities, and simply an overall interactive experience rather than just a simple description as you have presented in this version. The essay you have right now is one dimensional. You need to use a more active voice in the presentation and that, is best served using first person pronouns. Take the reader along on the journey through the street market. You can describe the market, but that won't be as descriptive as an interactive description.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Should the international community do more to tackle the threat of global warming? [2]

I wish you had attached the original prompt that you are responding to. This question is not part of the environmental discussion topics for the Task 2 essay as far as I can tell. The closest discussion to this that I could find in my topic reference list is:

Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes of global warming and what measures can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Is this the topic you are discussing? If not, then you should have provided the full prompt you were responding to. If I were to base your response on the aforementioned prompt, I would have to say that you once again deviated from the topic. The reference was not international community but rather, governments and individuals. Without the actual, original prompt, I can only give you a general assessment of your grammar work. I do not dare touch on your discussion content as I might offer you the wrong advice, since I am unsure about the prompt you are dealing with.

Grammar Rules:
When using a plural word form, all references to its connecting data must be in plural form (thousands of population = thousands of populations.)
Avoid using words of uncertainty in the presentation as you are required to defend your stance in a convincing manner. Never say "As far as I know..." or "possibly bring" Always word your sentences with conviction or a strong opinion.

Writing Feedback / TOFEL: choose a quality that you think is most important when doing a team project [4]

You should not muddle the essay response by representing the other qualifications in your presentation. It takes away from your actual discussion topic, which is cooperation. You should be working only on strengthening the impression that a team project will benefit the most from focusing on cooperation. You did that for the most part in the essay. You have a tendency to discuss prompt specific topics, which tend to pull attention away from your actual point. Avoid doing that. You need to convince the examiner that your reasoning is correct. You cannot do that when you insert other topics within the discussion.

Some corrections:

Spelling:
indispensible - indispensable
coworkers - co-workers

Grammar Rules:
Never start a sentence with "because". You should not have a full stop before that word as it is used as a bridging word between two sentence ideas.

Can not is spelled as one word "cannot".
Do not capitalize a word after a comma. Capitalize a word only after a period or if referring to a proper noun within a sentence.

Do not use informal phrases such as "come up with". The academic equivalent is "produce".

Word Reference:
Most fast = fastest

You have written enough words to aim for a higher scoring TOEFL result. I do not normally score essays on the first run but I believe your work is good enough to warrant a scoring assessment. My assessment of your work is that you have written an essay response that could earn a score of 4. You need to work on your vocabulary. copying means to create an imitation or reproduction. While coping (the word you wanted to use) indicates an ability to handle a situation (as in the case of teamwork). Sentence creation exercises are also in order for you. While your presentation makes sense, the structure could be better so that you can avoid any errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart delineates the number of imprisonments in five different countries [2]

The opening summary must also include the measurement type, the complete listing of the 5 countries, and the measurement basis (decade upon decade). These information will help inform the reader regarding the most basic information coming out of the report. The report should also be presented within 3 paragraphs. I am not sure if it was by accident, or if you did not realize that there was a 3 paragraph requirement for the task 1 essay because you only have 2 paragraphs presented here. You compressed all of your information in the second paragraph, which went against the formatting requirements. Kindly provide the 3 paragraph formatting requirement.

If you wish, you could present the median or middle measurement for the countries as a part of the comparison discussion. I make this suggestion to you because you mentioned several fluctuations in your second paragraph, but did not justify it with measurement figures. So the reader will end up wondering what you are talking about. You could do a comparison of the middle figures to help you form a more detailed comparison discussion in one of the remaining 2 paragraphs. Try to outline the essay before you start writing. In this case your outline should show the starting, middle, and ending figures, which you can present in comparative format within the data report. Always use a 3 paragraph presentation format. That means, you will need to figure out how to create 3 paragraphs based on the existing information.

Writing Feedback / What's better for students; to attending online classes or studying at traditional schools? [3]

I always tell my students to never write more than 1 essay per day for their home exercise. The reason behind the one essay task per day is because each and every essay that you write will contain several errors that need to be corrected. There may even be times when the student repeats the same error over several successive tasks. Learning time is wasted that way. Rather than correcting the mistakes of the student and leading them towards the correct writing path, the student ends up frustrated and angry because the essays that he wrote successively just do not meet the passing mark. In your case, you successively wrote essays and had several mistakes in each one. Rather than having a learning lesson from each mistake, you will be overwhelmed by your mistakes and find it difficult to overcome the errors you made. So from this point on, I want you to write only 1 essay task per day. Wait for the review, learn from the lessons you will be given, and apply it to your succeeding essays. Take is one essay at a time if you really want to learn how to write these essays properly.

Your first sentence in the paraphrase section is just one confusing run on sentence. You actually managed to convey a mixed message statement instead of simply putting the original topic across to the examiner. Always go for clarity. So one idea per sentence. That way you can properly structure the sentence for clarity and comprehension value. Hence:

It is believed that the future of education lies in modern learning gadgets. Students will soon be using laptops, smart screens, for home lessons. This is a far cry from the conventional academic learning style at conventional teaching institutions. Personally, I would prefer to attend regular classes at standard academies. Mostly because there are more learning benefits to attending formal lessons. These formal lessons also provide more of a well rounded educational experience. Let me explain further below.

Now, while your response will be considered and scored by the examiner, I would like to point something out to you with regards to the information requirement for this essay. Use reasons and specific details for your choice. The examiner would like to be assured that you are informed of the current educational trends as it applies to students. Therefore, you should be discussing this essay from the current school from home situation of the worldwide student population. All the students are benefiting from studying at home. You should show that you are also abreast of the current events, specifically, about how Covic-19 has changed the educational landscape.

Never use words that connote uncertainty in your statements. Either you believe that traditional schooling will contribute to a student's maturity or you don't. There is no maybe in the discussion. Show strong support for the point of view that you have chose. If you are uncertain about a particular reason, do not include it in the discussion as it will weaken your essay and show indecision on your part. That will affect your TA score.

The concluding paraphrase is incomplete. You need to restate the original discussion points again, this time with your reasons, and opinion so that you can properly summarize the essay presentation. I know, it is repetitive. However, the examiner needs to see that you are not just writing using memorized words and phrases. The reverse summary allows you to do exactly that by giving you a chance to prove that you really understood the original prompt and you truly believe your discussion reasons.

Writing Feedback / After birth what will play a major role in one's personality and development. Nature or Nurture? [2]

If you believe that nurturing is more important than the nature of a person, then there is no need to include a discussion sentence about the nature of man. You do not have to do a comparison discussion because you are being asked to explain and defend the point of view that you support. When you do a comparative discussion, the tendency may be for you to try and equalize the discussion, which means you will show indecision rather than a solid opinion in your presentation. This could result in point deductions for you because you are "uncertain" of your position. The uncertainty is further fueled by you reference to "I think" when presenting your nurture opinion in the paraphrased statement. Remove all terms of uncertainty because the essay will score less that way. Always be strong and opinionated regarding the point of view that you support.

By the way viewpoint is one word, not 2. It is also important that you show the strength of your support for your pov by using stronger adjectives to represent your information. Presentations such as:

I think that nurture is really important factor in judging the human perspective.

Would have had a strong impact on the reader if you had instead shown conviction in your presentation:

I believe that nurturing is a key factor in judging...

You cannot convince the reader about your point of view if you show uncertainty. Remember that. The first paragraph would have been more impactful if you had also enumerated the reasons that support your point of view. These would have responded to the instruction:

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

By enumerating your reasons or stating your reason, the reader will be hooked and be interested in what you have to say in the reasoning paragraphs.

In paragraph 2, your topic sentence does not help to move the essay forward. It is actually a separate statement from the rest of the paragraph. You should have started on the second sentence instead, which was the sentence that helped move your discussion forward in that paragraph.

Always use the concluding summary as precisely that. A summary of the previously presented topic, discussion points, and explanations. That will help you close the essay on the strongest note possible as you will be able to highlight your ability to restate the topic and other discussion points in 2 ways. That will increase your TA, LR, and GRA scores.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - money paid for books. (France, Italy, Germany, Austria,) [5]

The main problem that students have often comes with the Task 1 summary presentation. You, just like the others did not completely outline the information that was presented. You should have included a listing of the countries, the measurement type, measurement source (where indicated), and the trending statement. You presented a run-on sentence that doesn't really indicate all the required information. Instead, it offers only part of the information, without really offering an insight into the need to know these information beforehand. The summary is to be considered the outline of the upcoming information presentation. It tells the reader the most important info beforehand, so that you can create a comparative report in the next 2 paragraphs.

A chart is different from a line graph. Familiarize yourself with the various charts and graphs used in the task 2 essay. You have to be accurate in your descriptive information because the assumption is that the reader will not have a copy of the information and image you are describing. In reality, the examiner will have a copy of everything so he will know when your report becomes inaccurate and yes, it will affect your final score.

You must present 3-5 sentences per paragraph. That is the standard format for these paragraphs and that represents the number of sentences you should be presenting in your essay as well. Avoid run-on sentences due to the reasons I stated in one of my previous paragraphs in this post.

Without the copy of the image, I won't be able to assess your information presentation. Attach an image next time by hitting the [+] image link in the text box. So I will have to give you a general review instead.

You have some unclear sentence presentations due to the improper use of word representations such as "recovery back". Recovery is the word that you want to use because it shows a bounce or return from a negative. I am sure that I could have given you a more proper review of your work if you had included the image. In the meantime, I think I have given you enough information to get you started in terms of improving your Task 1 essay approach.

Note: You uploaded the image after I made my review. So I will give you a targeted review based on your next Task 1 essay.

Writing Feedback / Problems caused by aging population and some solutions to solve it [6]

Your essay is not properly developed in terms of the original prompt discussion. The original prompt indicates:

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

The outline for this discussion, which you obviously did not do before writing the essay is:

Topic: Life expectancy is increasing
Discussion Points: Problems for individuals and society?
Discussion format: Suggest measures to reduce the impact of aging population

So the format should have been:

Par. 1: Paraphrase and direct response:

Advanced countries have seen an increase in in one's life duration. This poses complications in the life of both the elderly and and the community that they belong to. Based on a few social and personal considerations, specific problems related to the growing elderly population can be addressed to help minimize the problems their existence causes for the younger generation.

Keep in mind that you always have to represent the original discussion in the paraphrase, without ever using the same terms as the original. You should also be sure that you covered all the 3 presentation points in the paragraph. I outlined the specific sections you have to represent above in the discussion outline. Compare your current presentation of the paraphrase to mine and you shall see how your paraphrase fell short of expectations and information presentation.

Par. 2: 2 connected discussion topics. In your first reasoning paragraph, you already had 2 connection discussions before you added the one about having the elderly integrate with the young generation. Your first 2 discussion topics, (1) vulnerable to chronic diseases which require special treatment and finance from young generation and (2) people claiming pension benefits and lack of working adults can result in a stagnating economy were more than sufficient for the discussion paragraph. It just needed justifications to support your claims. The third one is unnecessary in the paragraph presentation. In fact, this paragraph has good reasons, but is short in terms of justifications / properly developed explanations and examples. So the paragraph will be seen as under developed. Just presenting reasons, without supporting information does not help, not even if you wrote very long paragraphs. When there is no clarity to the discussion, your essay is bound to fail. Use the following format next time:

- Topic Sentence 1 (Individual problem)
- Reason you believe this
- Topic sentence 2 (society problem)
- Reason this connects to the first topic (final problem presentation)
- Combined reasons example
- Final explanation

This is the format you should have used for both the problems and suggested measures so that your explanations would have been more than just reasons that did not have proper justifications and examples to prove your points. What you did in the discussion was incorrect because you decided to discuss a secondary topic not included in the original prompt which is marriage without babies. Rather, your solution should have looked at how the current generation can help address the needs of the elderly population as latter's lives continue to extend beyond their expectations.

Your discussion should have been properly outlined before you started writing it. In this case, I can tell that you just thought of what you wanted to write, without properly thinking of how it connected to the discussion topics as required. You just wrote and wrote, never mind if it wasn't clearly explained or if connected properly to the discussion requirements. That is exactly the method by which one fails this test.

Writing Feedback / Diverse type of families living in poverty in Australia - Cambridge 4 Test 1 Writing Task 1 [3]

Where is the image? You forgot to upload it. Student users cannot provide the image for you. I am afraid that I can only give you a grammar check for this presentation. I do not have a comparison point , the image, to base the validity of your report on. Please remember to upload the image next time. You can upload it by clicking the [+] image link in the black portion of the text box. The one with the stylized effects listing.

For the task 1 essay, you should only write between 175-190 words. You only have 20 minutes to complete this task. So, when you write 228 words, it is quite possible that you cut into your task 2 writing time of 40 minutes. Stick with the most basic reporting presentation to allow time for editing and final copy creation for your presentation.

Your summary overview is not complete. I am not sure what information you forgot to present but that part should have at least 3 sentences in it. Exclusive of the trending sentence.

I am confused about the presentation. Why do you have both a percentage and a numerical data presentation? Is that how it was presented in the image? You did not clearly explain why you are presenting two data types. There is a clear lack of developed explanations regarding the information provided.

I apologize for not being able to give you more corrections. I am unable to do so without the image to compare your written information to. Please remember to provide that next time. I assure you that you will get a more complete review of your work from me then.

Writing Feedback / Pace of climate change, preserve wildlife - ielts writing task 2 [2]

The first problem with this essay is that you over wrote. I understand that you will be taking the CBT version, which means if you are an excellent typist, you will be able to drum up a lot of words. However, the number of words you wrote are not as important as the content of the essay. Simply typing 275-290 words would gain you a higher score, if the essay is properly developed, than if you wrote 425 words that were not proof read, and does not meet the discussion requirements. The test is not just about the number of words you know in English. It is more about your ability to write coherently in academic UK English, using as little sentences as possible.

Never include research information in your essay. The task always asks you to base the discussion on personal knowledge, commonly known information, and personal experiences. That is because you will not be able to do research at the testing center as there will not be any outside internet access on the computers used for the test. So referring to an article for information in this essay automatically hits you with points deductions in the TA section. Rather than simply outlining the discussion instructions, you should be more creative in the prompt restatement and offer the topics that you will be discussing as the causes of the problems and the potential solutions you plan to present. That will create a clearer discussion outline for the examiner to follow. It will also tell the examiner that you truly understood (comprehended) the discussion topic and discussion process as you were instructed in the original prompt. For the prompt restatement, just stick as closely as possible to the original presentation:

Desertification, an exercise that is commonly done by people across the globe has been leaving negative habitat results. This is caused by reasons such as ... These problem sources result in... Part of the solutions that may be applied are...

Your discussion presentations are good. You were able to properly connect the cause and effect discussion. However, you still continued to refer to researched information in certain paragraphs, thus creating additional problems for your TA score. Never do research during the practice test. Always practice in an actual test setting. That means, no research allowed. While it makes your practice essay look authoritative, you will have a problem at the actual testing center when you can no longer do research to create impressive essays. Use only the information you know when you write the essays. I do not doubt that, had you not researched this topic for the essay, you would not have been able to write such an effective essay presentation.

Writing Feedback / It's believed that sharing scientific, technological or academic knowledge freely is beneficial [2]

The original discussion instruction for this essay is asked you to discuss both points of view and then present a personal opinion. I think you forgot to read the instructions for the prompt to the very end so you missed that part. Had you properly discussed this essay, you would have had a 5 paragraph essay that gave you the opportunity to:

- Present the first public point of view
- Compare the second public point of view with the first public point of view
- Consider both discussions and present your analyzed personal point of view

There will be a need for you to use second person (plural) pronouns for the first 2 sections, then the first person point of view (singular) for the last section. This is a comparative analysis discussion so you have to be clear about whose point of view is being discussed within the paragraphs before you present your opinion/analysis of the topic. An effective personal point of view is based on a strong C/C or A/D discussion presented in the first 2 reasoning paragraphs.

You basically forgot to prove that you have to prove your ability to use the pronoun references for the GRA score throughout the essay.Always remember that the prompt will give you the discussion instructions regarding pronoun usage, topic sentences, and discussion approach. You did not really consider the discussion requirements in this presentation. That is why your discussion is a bit off base and your score will be problematic.

At this point, I would not pay too much attention to the spelling, grammar, and punctuation problems your essay has. I am more concerned about you meeting the discussion format requirements first. The concern I have comes from the fact that the discussion format is a large chunk of your test score. Make a mistake in the presentation, as you did here, and you will struggle to achieve a passing mark.

Writing Feedback / Essay about international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world - IELTS task 2 [2]

Okay, you misunderstood the prompt. The topic was about aid that rich countries give the poor countries to help them deal with certain financial situations in their country. There is no indication that international groups in the original prompt. Remember, if it isn't in the original discussion, you should not include it in the restatement or anywhere in your discussion. That leads to a prompt change on your part, which could result in your essay failing the test. Always make sure to use alternative words that still identify the original term. So countries could be identified as nations, region, states, and so on and so forth. When you said global groups, you automatically changed the keyword reference in the essay. Avoid doing that.

You actually changed the discussion topic throughout the essay because you changed the aid between countries to aid from international organizations. While there are several different prompts that could refer to the discussion you currently present, it does not erase the fact that the discussion never refers to international organizations. It always refers to aid between countries. Country aid examples are : USA sends money to Africa to help with famine, Australia sends financial aid to Nigeria to aid in poverty alleviation, Canada sends financial aid to Mexico to help combat the drug problem. International organization examples are : The UN sends money to the Mongolia to help with their national development, WFP sends money to help feed the poor in Nigeria. WHO sends money to buy Covid 19 test kits in India. See the difference? You cannot interchange countries for international organizations. This essay will miss the mark and get a failing score. All because your reference points do not properly represent the original keywords.

Let me put it this way; your topic sentence in the first reasoning paragraph is incorrect, but the rest of the reasoning and example points are correct. Rather than international organizations, the reference should have been affluent countries. You have a correct discussion presentation in reasoning paragraph 2. That was relevant to the discussion and well explained. In reasoning paragraph 3, you again missed the topic reference because you said "global groups" when you should have said "well to do countries". Remember, the discussion is not about global groups, it is about helpful countries. Learn to recognize the difference based on the meaning or representation of the original keyword.

While you have grammar issues, the transition was not a problem for you this time. The main problem was the misrepresentation of the original discussion. You swapped countries for global groups and that, made huge difference in the discussion presentation, on the negative side. Work on your English comprehension skills. There are exercises available for that online. In order to properly respond to the essay, you must first, make sure you understand all the discussion requirements.

Writing Feedback / Essay About why people choose LCC - revise [2]

I do not believe that you wrote this as an IELTS Task 2 essay since no task 2 topic will cover limited liability companies (LLC). While your presentation is interesting enough on a superficial basis, I believe that your first paragraph should first, include an explanation of what an LLC is and how it functions in terms of airline considerations. While we know these companies to be low cost and cheaper for the big companies to run, not everyone will know that so a simple explanation of how the concept works would help make the topic clear to the reader.

Consider using examples that might be familiar to people in relation to the airline industries. I would say, use Cathay Pacific as a main company reference and their budget airlines, Cathay Dragon and Air Hong Kong. Utilize comparison discussions to prove that using LLC airlines appeal more to the air travelers when compared to the big budget airlines. Use the comparison for the A/D presentation to show an equal consideration of the discussion topic strong and weak points.

Again, your essay contains some pretty informative simple information. However, the unfamiliar reader may have a bit of a difficulty following your discussion presentation without examples and comparisons. Consider using an extended discussion that better threshes out the background of an airline LLC and its A/D over the more popular airlines.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - should disruptive school students have specialized treatments and other teaching methods? [3]

You did not discuss the situation of disruptive students in class. You changed the prompt discussion totally. You only discussed students who have a different character from others. Which, as can be seen in your discussion, does not relate to disruptiveness in class. You have to remember that disruptive student can prevent his classmates from learning either in a group or classroom setting because he does not allow the lesson to be taught properly. As such, he prevents the other students from learning. Which is why the teachers would like to separate them from the rest of the class.

You probably know the disruptive student as the class clown. The one who always makes the class laugh or is always scolded by the teacher for not paying attention, or he is doing something opposite to what the rest of the class is doing. These are the disruptive actions that prove to be a negative influence on the others. He is a negative influence because he breaks the concentration and focus from the class lesson onto his antics instead. The class ends with the teacher just scolding the disruptive student, and the rest of the class was not taught the lesson for the day.

So your overall discussion is incorrect. It is not related to the given discussion topic. You have to learn to analyze the question before you start writing. When you make a mistake in understanding the keyword, in this case "disruptive", you will not be able to discuss the essay based on the expected information or standards. The point of the essay, is that the disruptive students do not learn in the manner that the rest of the class does, so they should be taught in a separate method or class.

It is true, school is a form of social environment. However, it is a learning social environment. Students do not go to school to be entertained, they go to school to learn, develop their skills, and nurture their natural abilities. A disruptive student prevents that learning environment from succeeding because he is there not to learn, but just to have fun. Your overall defense is improper. While there are no right or wrong answers, your response should at least show that you understand the main point of the discussion. In this case, you failed to understand what the discussion is all about. The only time a disruptive student would be welcome in the learning community would be during recess, lunch break, and after school during extra curricular activities. That is the only time when the learning method is informal and would allow him to be as disruptive as he wishes to be. That is the only social learning time the students have outside of formal class hours.

As of now, your essay is not worth scoring yet. All I can do with your first essay is assess your English comprehension and writing skills. Unfortunately, your comprehension skills are not strong enough and your writing skills need to be further honed. You do not know how to find the keywords and analyze the topic for a proper discussion yet. You have to outline the discussion to find the keywords:

Topic: Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others.
Discussion Reason: Students who are Disruptive school students should be grouped together and taught separately.
Discussion Question: Do you agree or disagree?

You failed to understand the discussion reason. The keywords and phrases being: Disruptive school students, a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient, grouped together and taught separately.

Your discussion paragraphs should have focused on a defense or agreement based on the 3 keywords. One paragraph for each keyword topic. The discussion paragraphs would have been:

Reasoning 1: When a student tends to distract (synonym for disruptive) the class , his classmates cannot learn well.
Reasoning 2: His being troublesome (another synonym) makes him an unfavorable influence on his peers because...
Reasoning 3: Based on these considerations, it appears that segregating (synonym for separately) the disorderly student might have...

The above discussion outline is what I would have used. You may have used a different outline because you disagreed with the statement, but you still need to use the synonyms for the keywords in your presentation as I did above.

Writing Feedback / Which books are best to read - science based or fiction? [2]

The paraphrase is short by one sentence. You forgot to reference your opinion or reason why you disagree with the given statement. The instruction asked you whether you agree or disagree, and you had to reference specific reasons for your disagreement. So, 2 reasons presented, but not discussed within the opening statement.Your concluding paragraph also misrepresents the discussion as it does not offer a valid summary of the discussion points in your presentation.

Your discussions are a bit difficult to follow due to the improper sentence presentations. For instance, I was really confused when you said: "First of all, nearly all of books in the world are written imaginary. " What do you mean by written imaginary? I think you meant to say "are works of fiction." I believe this confusion is because you are not familiar with the book genres (sections) which are: fiction, non-fiction, young adult, children's books, and biographies. Comic books fall under children's books or young adult, depending upon the age target of the book. So your reasoning, that a child cannot be given a history book to read is incorrect. There are actually history books written for kids. For every adult book, there is a children's publication counterpart except for adult themed novels.

Another confusing presentation: "...novel written by Margret Mitchell which "Gone With the wind" had shocked the world literary formerly, had no real occasion as well as character at all!"

What do you mean by "literary formerly? The backdrop of that war was the American civil war between the North and South. The historical story was that of the freeing of the slaves. Why did you say that there was no real occasion? True, the characters were fictional but the historical reference was very much real. By the way, you are writing an academic essay. Practice formality in your presentations. That means, no triple exclamation points, no exclamation points at all.

Your take on the essay shows that you understood the prompt, but do not know enough about the topic to be able to offer a convincing and correct discussion regarding the topic. Your unclear sentence presentations indicate a lack of English vocabulary skills. Try to think and write in English. Do not think in your native tongue then translate it to English word for word. That is the most likely reasons why your sentence presentations do not make any sense.

At this point, I would have to say that you do not have the vocabulary and grammar skills with which to write a passing Task 2 essay. It would be better if you focused first on improving your sentence writing skills along with increasing your knowledge of current events and pop culture. These improvements need to be accomplished before you can start writing task 2 practice essays again. You may also want to review the other essays posted here first as a part of your learning process.

The works of the other students here should help you gain a better understanding of the Task 2 requirements and how to best present it in the essays. Don't just assume that because you put some words together in English, that it will automatically make sense. You need to learn the basics of English sentence structuring first. Learn to write complete short sentences first, then work your way up from there. Right now, you do not have the ability to write coherent English sentences and paragraphs yet.

Scholarship / AAS essay for Business Analytics course: why choose the course and institution, career contribution [2]

The 400 word allotment of this essay should be used to explain how each course at each university will help advance your career. It should not be a combined reference because you should have 2 different academic and career goals that each masters course should address. Do not focus on the background of your studies. Focus on the individual courses will help you become better equipped to address specific situations in your current career. Use individualized paragraph discussions so that the reviewer will see your specific mindset, reasons, and goals, in relation to each course you applied for admission to. The strength of your conviction regarding each course should determine if you get the scholarship for your primary or back up choice.

What you can do is, use the current 2nd paragraph as your introductory paragraph, then write 2 new paragraphs in relation to the individual course choices application to your current and future career plans. The future career plans being the priority for the reviewer as your course of study should help you achieve some sort of career advancement or, at the very least, help you become better equipped to address the emerging problems within your line of work/ duties and responsibilities.

Scholarship / Scholarship Essay for Australia Awards 1. Explaining University of Melbourne choice [3]

You have 400 words with which to develop your response. So use the word count to further develop your back up university discussion. Describe how the knowledge will not only enhance your skills, but also help you within the judicial system of Mongolia. The discussion should be similar in presentation to the one you used for your first course institution. The last paragraph should be changed. The current presentation of that paragraph applies more to your "How will your proposed course help your career?" discussion. Close instead with a reference as to how you will be thrilled to be admitted into either program as both will help you modernize the Mongolian business law field.

Writing Feedback / Uniforms This is an essay about uniforms, if I could get some that would be great! [2]

The essay should take a clear position right off the bat. Do you agree or disagree with wearing uniforms? There is too much emphasis on your personal experience while wearing school uniforms in the opinion paper. It should be better balanced. Always start off with a general reference/opinion/citation, then move on to your personal opinion or preference in relation to the discussion. You should be able to explain this preference in a manner that highlights how more people, not just you, would rather not wear uniforms.

The comparative discussion should be better highlighted as well, but always focused on the strength of your point of view. I am really not clear about which side your essay is trying to justify. It would be better if you could make that clear as a part of your thesis presentation in the first paragraph of the essay. You have a good start, but you need to bring the discussion into a focused area of discussion.

I think you will be better helped if you create a topic outline first. That way you can slant the essay discussion topics in a manner that will be best suited to the discussion you wish to support. As of now, the essay needs more information. There isn't enough discussion for the reader to make an educated decision on. You did say that this is just the draft so you have plenty of room to adjust your content.

Writing Feedback / Unemployment is a serious issue throughout the world. What should governments do to solve this issue [3]

Your first paragraph is not an accurate paraphrase. It changes the discussion requirements as originally presented:

OT: unemployment is a serious issue throughout the world. A number of changes need to be made to reduce the problem.
OQ: What should governments do to solve this issue?

YT: unemployment is one of the pressing problems in the most countries
QR: a lot of solutions have been put forward to reduce the unemployment rates as well as to restrict the negative effects from unemployment on health, society and the economy.

Your version has several unnecessary discussion points. It is not required in the presentation because it wasn't a part of the original discussion presentation. The superfluous points are: .

.. the growing population of the world and the advance in sciences and technologies...
... to restrict the negative effects from unemployment on health, society and the economy

The only required discussion point is:
- What should governments do to solve the issue?

So, you have to consider 2 possible solutions to the problem for the 2 reasoning paragraphs (one topic per paragraph) that will require government action to enact. Your reasoning is not focused. You are not really offering an insight into government based solutions, you are meddling with topics ranging from over - population all the way to migrant workers. Over kill. Simple solutions to the problem were required such as:

- Government can focus on skills training to build on the emerging production businesses in their country
- Government can create a law mandating the hiring of citizens for seasonal work
- Government should look further into job creation opportunities and prepare the workers for it.

These are only samples of possible discussion topics that are more aligned with the prompt that you could have used in your discussion. It is because of the lack of focus in your paragraphs that your essay comes across as difficult to understand with rather confusing paragraph presentations. Stay on point. Always discuss only the factors as indicated in the original prompt. Do not add to the information, do not deduct from the information. Provide targeted discussions for every paragraph instead. The targeted topics for discussion in your presentation are:

- government should try to innovate the investment policy to encourage the foreign entities invest to the various sectors.
- they should open some vocational trial-classes to help students have a better view of the blue collar jobs

These 2 discussion points, which were badly discussed in your original presentation, should have been the sole topics for each paragraph. Each topic relates to the other in various discussion ways, mostly related to job creation. That discussion is what is confusing to read in your presentation. There are semblances of those reference points, but the sentence development is so bad, the examiner will not be able to easily figure it out, which, will be very bad for your GRA score.

The concluding paragraph should merely summarize the previous topic and reasoning discussions. The essay never required your personal opinion so it should not have been presented anywhere in the discussion. Not at the beginning, middle, or end. This is an essay that runs counter to all Task 2 essay writing requirements and therefore, cannot achieve a passing band score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment [2]

Do not always rely on using "former" and "latter" when referencing groups of people or other situations where the terms apply. You need to build up your LR score and one way of doing that is to show that you know how to refer to tourists and scientists in several ways, that still apply to the discussion.

Tourist - sightseer, traveler, excursionist, explorer, journeyer, vacationer, among other alternative terms
Scientist - scientific analyst, nature examiner, environmental prober, are some advanced alternative references to scientists.

You need to keep reading more English materials to help increase your vocabulary. While fiction books can help, news materials, research documents, and academic journals could help further increase your knowledge of English words. You should also familiarize yourself with the difference in UK and American English spelling. Kilometer in American English is spelled Kilometre in UK English. Additionally, you mentioned the plural form of layer, layers in the sentence. Therefore, the measurement should be in plural form also (kilometres thick). Consistency in your presentation is important.

Your clarity in sentence presentations become affected by the lack of comma usage before the word "and". The presentation becomes clearer, when presenting a series of information, if you can prepare the reader for the upcoming end of the list: "new unforgettable experiences, and new photos on their social media accounts".
Also, do not start your sentences with "but" as that is a connecting word. More effective opening words that you could have considered for the concluding sentence are: "although, however, or nevertheless". Any of those words would have helped your essay close on a much stronger final sentence presentation.

Overall, you properly developed your discussions and connected the 2 discussion references in the same paragraph in a fluid manner. Good work. You have shown significant improvement in your overall writing presentation. There are still problems that could pull down your score but I am confident that you will be able to improve in those areas over the coming days.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing -- Are the older generations' ideas still useful nowadays? [3]

Whether you are taking the pencil or CBT test, it is always better for you to stick to the 275-290 word allowance. That is because the focus of the examiner is not on the number of words that you are writing but rather, on the proper use of vocabulary, clarity of your explanations, and your skill in forming proper English sentences. Based on my assessment of your work, you failed to deliver on the required elements and over delivered on the word count. You are focusing on the incorrect aspect of Task 2 writing.

For starters, you developed an incorrect response to the given discussion question:

DI: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Response: in my opinion, indeed, some old opinions are still working for now, but with the era changing, new ideas for modern life should not be neglected either.

The appropriate response would have been to provide a weighted argument based on either a support or non support of the given discussion topic. Your total essay showed that you were not capable of delivering a clear opinion and defending it within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Perhaps you are not familiar with the discussion approaches within the task 2 essays? This particular essay requires you to deliver an emotional response to the given question. Use a creative way of delivering the strength of your support or opposition to the given topic. You have to deliver a clear point of view otherwise, your TA score will be in the lower scoring bracket. You have an incorrect approach to the given discussion topic and question.

Take a position, defend it using reasoning and examples within 2 separate topic paragraphs. That is how the reasoning portion of the essay should have been presented. The defense of your point of view is all that matters in singular opinion essays such as these. Convince the examiner that your point of view is believable. It doesn't need to be correct, there are no right or wrong answers here. There is only a reference to your personal point of view.

Based on your writing errors, it appears that you forgot to double check your paper for errors prior to submission. So based on the additional errors, I do not see you passing this test with this kind of writing.

Spelling errors:
conservating (wrong vocabulary) - conservative (traditional beliefs or thinking)
examplar - example
bout - about (... express discrimination About identities...)

(These errors could have easily been caught through proof-reading_

Grammar:
.. was criticised and the couple sued (requires a comma between clauses) - was criticised, and the couple....

Avoid using contractions in academic writing because it affects the formality of the written presentation:
What's - What is
That's - That is

Punctuation Conventions:
Comma usage for clarity before the word "and": ... women, children , and occupations .../ identities, salaries, and classes... / ... freedom, diversity, and creative ...

Never forget to double check the content of your essay. Be eagle eyed in reference to:
- Spelling errors
- Punctuation errors
- Prompt responsiveness
- Proper paraphrasing with a minimum of 3 sentences in the introduction and concluding paragraphs

Research Papers / Analyzing the Future of NCAA Athlete Compensation [2]

Good start. The analysis makes sense. It has a solid foundation in terms of hypothetical discussion and your factual evidence appears to be sound. I like how you present a personal opinion, making it sound highly authoritative in the paper, after every quote that you present. It shows a keen interest in the topic on your part and also, allows you to show your opinion, without being bias.

You should do some extra work on the background of the athletes who lost income due to being college players. Look into the athletes who have been approached for endorsements, but fail to snag a contract because of the problem with paying amateurs. You may also want to do some research into the college athletes of other countries whose rules are not as stringent, allowing amateurs to own the rights to their name, image, and other associated patents. Europe, for one, already allows their amateur players to get paid to play. You may also want to look into the article "College football players are paid (indirectly), and that's the way it should be" as a part of the opposing discussion to your presentation. The article was written by John Crist about 3 years ago. It should still contain relevant information in relation to your discussion.

Writing Feedback / Essay - "The main role of the school is to train students to pass examinations" Do you agree ? [3]

I am not sure what the full discussion topic is and what comparison points were provided, if any. Was this written for an IELTS test or a simple English exercise? Please be specific next time and provide the complete prompt for my reference. I would highly appreciate it.

If this was written for a task 2 essay, then you went over the advised word count. Try to keep your work within 275-290 words as you require time to review, edit, and finalize the content. That said, your opening paraphrase is short by 1 sentence count to meet the minimum. You should have cut the second sentence into 2 parts to avoid the current run-on sentence presentation. By the way, it is best not to post questions in your paraphrase. In this presentation, it feels like you just cut and paste the original question into the paragraph. It is better to pose the question as a discussion topic so that you avoid the possibility of incomplete paraphrasing altogether.

The discussion paragraphs are good, but with errors. Additionally, you could have used transition sentences at the end of each paragraph to create a smoother transition from one topic to the next. The presentation tries to be sleek and smooth and fails due to several grammatical errors. I'll show you some of the points for correction that I caught. That said, your presentation is somewhat acceptable.

Grammar:

Passing exams is just one criteria (criterion). You used the plural for exam so you should have used the plural form of criteria as well. The rule is singular = singular, plural = plural. Be consistent.

The essay needs to feel more natural in presentation. So avoid using complicated words where simple words would suffice:

... simply indicates... = simply shows
... safe haven for students = haven for students
... teachers have to ensure = teachers must ensure
... in order for students = for students ...
... I myself (redundancy) = I

Avoid contractions in academic writing. Always spell out the words:
shouldn't = should not

Use more appropriate adjectives:
Passing exams shouldn't be the main role... = key role

I would have given more comments about the content but you did not give me the complete writing instructions so I cannot really give any accurate observations about that part of your work. Maybe next time? Just provide the complete writing instructions please.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of female members of parliament in 5 countries in Europe over a 12-year period [2]

The summary overview requires additional data. The 5 countries involved in the survey should be listed along with the measurement type. It is not the proportion measured but rather the percentage. Proportion refers to refers to the share of female magistrates when compared to the male magistrates. The percentage, measures the number of women based on an overall composition. For example, "out of 100 % of participants, 25% were women." Proportion is used to refer to "the proportion of the males to females were 15 to 20" .These are differing measurement references. Use the correct measurement indicator at all times.

One of the reasons your essay may not receive a high score is because you did not use alternative references for the phrase female members of parliament. Alternative phrases would have been "women lawmakers", "lady parliamentarians", "female magistrates", to name but a few. You would not have scored well in the LR section as you failed to highlight your ability to use synonyms for the keyword in the presentation.

Also, you had neglected to present the overlapping information within the year 201, when the percentage would be equal for Belgium and France. That should have represented the similarity in the comparison points.

Also, you do not "turn" to Belgium. Rather, you will be "Turning" the discussion towards Belgium. You are currently reviewing the information so use the active action reference.

Your work is acceptable but incomplete. You need to focus more on providing accurate data and a proper analysis of the image provided.

Writing Feedback / Traffic on roads has become a problem in nearly every in the world [3]

Why does this essay sound like you ran it through a tremendously inaccurate language translation program? This sounds like you took a dictionary, chose the words you wanted to use, and then used it without regard for relevance, proper usage, or grammar rules? There is absolutely no way that this essay will get a passing score due to severed LR and GRA issues.

You managed to address the topic of the essay. However, you failed to write a coherent essay. You relied on complicated words, where it wasn't required. You will not score well if you only focus on using fancy words. You can definitely fail the test because of the overuse of fancy words. It is absolutely alright to use simple everyday English words in the essay.

You are not scored on vocabulary knowledge, you are scored on proper vocabulary usage. Do not confuse usage for knowledge. The Task 2 essay has to have a natural feel to the discussion. It has to sound like you are writing a proper research or opinion paper. It should not sound like you are trying to show off to the examiner, which is what you did here. I am really getting frustrated with you.

Rather than showing improvements, you seem to be getting worse with every essay that you write, with this one being the worst so far. I cannot even begin to point out the errors in this essay. There are just too many to reflect on in one post. I will try though.

You need to write sensible phrases. There is no sense to the phrase "In this age of downfall." What were you referring to? What downfall?

Try to not exaggerate your opinions. Cars are spreading like a fire? People are becoming car maniac? Overused and memorized phrases like "by hook or by crook? Seriously? "... has got flabbergasting results?" Are you even trying to write a proper academic essay at this point? Or are you just so frustrated with your writing abilities that you did not even care to try anymore?

Your discussion points were valid. Your presentations were laughable though. The examiner will take one look at this essay and know that you tried to use vocabulary that you are not familiar with to write your essay. You memorized "big" words and hoped that using it, whether in the right context or not, could get you passing score. That will never happen. Do not try to impress by using advanced words in the wrong context. You can get a passing score without overdoing the vocabulary. How many times must I repeat to you that clarity and coherence are the only way you can pass this test? You keep failing to represent that in every essay that you write.

Writing Feedback / Acceptance to use animals for the human benefits with positive and negative views - IELTS task 2 [3]

To keep your essay at a manageable word count. Remember to avoid using filler words, overused phrases, and most of all, use only 1 topic per paragraph unless otherwise indicated. One topic that connects to the next topic will be better for your word count than 2 under developed topic explanations in every paragraph. That is the most common reason students write too many words in the essay.

Good work on the prompt rephrasing. It kept the original topic and discussion reasons in your restated form. However, you should have avoided restating your opinion at the start. Since the comparison discussion had yet to take place, you should not have had an opinion to present just yet. However, some students prefer to include a personal opinion at the start so, provided you can connect your opinion to the public points of view, then you can go ahead and do that. Unfortunately, you failed to create a central discussion topic for your presentation so having a point of view immediately did not really work well for your essay.

Your discussion paragraphs do not have connected topics. If you opt to discuss the medical aspect of the experiments, then you should stick with that topic as the central discussion focus for the next 2 paragraphs. Clarity comes from knowing how to discuss the same topic from two different points of view. Coherence, comes from your ability to clearly explain the positive and negative aspects of the same subject. Again, there are no right or wrong answers, just the opinions that you present that the examiner requires a clear explanation of. Once you keep your essay discussion paragraphs focused on a singular topic, you will find that you can express your full explanation without writing too many words. 5 sentences are normally sufficient if you simply state the facts as required:

Sentence 1: Topic sentence
Sentence 2: Reasoning sentence
Sentence 3: Example sentence
Sentence 4: Supporting explanation for the example sentence
Sentence 5: Transition sentence

Those are all the sentences you need to write. Stick to simple explanations. Do not be too wordy. Be direct to the point. That sentence number will bring you to within the 275-290 word count. Depending upon how long your sentences are. Just make sure to use simple and complex sentences to meet the GRA requirements.

Note: Let me remind you that it is acceptable for students to ask for their essays to be scored here. You misunderstood, they are not asking fellow students to score their essays, they know you cannot appropriately score their essays since you are also learners, just like they are. They are asking me, the contributor, the trained professional to score their essays because they want to know what their weak points are, and how to improve upon it. My scores will never be wrong. It will be the closest to the actual scoring the examiner will give the student. It is accurate and helpful. I am sorry you cannot see that. These students want to pass the test and they are not afraid to find out where their weaknesses are, which it seems you are afraid to face. My scores help them focus their studies because they can pull up their scores where it matters and focus less on their strengths since everything becomes stronger when they improve overall. You learn differently from the others. Do not dissuade anybody from asking for professional help from a trained contributor here. Students really should not be scoring essays anyway, we have a suspension policy regarding that. Student scoring = Suspension. It's right there in the text box.

Scholarship / Kindly review my Essay for AAS in Commercial law in Melbourne Law School [3]

You have to show how the knowledge you will be gaining can be applied to specific situations within your workplace. 3 definite problems need to be presented in the essay in relation to your work duties, how the education will help you resolve the problem, and what situations you need to overcome in your pursuit of solving the problem.

1. What specific existing commercial law case can you cite that will require the information you will be learning? What obstacles often result in lost suits? How will the knowledge, a specific part of it, in relation to the case, help you beat the odds and win the next case, should you be in charge of it?

2. What digital trade law case can you cite? Why was it lost? Why do you think that specific knowledge, cite the skill you hope to develop, can help you win the case the next time around?

3. You need a better third example.

You have 3 discussions to present. That means, you need to present 3 obstacles as well. You will create a better response that way as opposed to simply bundling your obstacle into a singular financial issue. That does not show a person considering career advancement through studies. It just shows a person who wants someone to pay for his studies. That doesn't show a strong character on your part, only selfishness.

Writing Feedback / A street market in summer in a hot climate. Write a short descriptive paragraph. [2]

When you write a descriptive paragraph, you should use the present tense descriptive format. That way you can take the reader along with you on the walk through the street market. You need to give the reader a chance to imagine what you are describing so you have to use current word presentations. It also helps you use more properly spelled descriptive words as you won't be confused between the present and past tense word usages as you seem to be prone to in the presentation. Other corrections I spotted include:

Spelling:
streetmarket - (2 words) street market
Chatterings - the word is not not in the dictionary. You perhaps meant that "people were chatting"? See, this is why I told you to use the active voice in your writing. It helps you avoid vocabulary errors.

laughters - laughter
uproared - Not a proper vocabulary word. Upstaged would have been a better term.
accordian - accordion

Grammar:
punctuation usage - Things were varied in types and some were, indeed, interesting... (needs a comma after were)
Use a comma between clauses - The odour was disgusting, and
Use a comma before "and" for message clarity: ... shouting, and ...

Conciseness:
Use clear and exacting language : Hawkers were competing...
The whole world

There are more than enough errors in your essay for it not be considered a well developed and descriptive paragraph. Try to write the essay using an active voice and use present tense at all times. That should help you create a better descriptive paragraph. It would be better if you do not try to fix this version and instead, write a totally new descriptive paragraph instead. If you can use a topic more familiar to you other than the market, then you should change the topic also. It will help if you can write a description about something you are familiar with.

Writing Feedback / Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. [3]

The first thing that I want to be clear about is, did you write this as a Task 2 essay test or for some other English exam? You did not include the full instructions for the essay so I am unsure about how to review this essay. It is not a common task 2 essay topic. It would help me offer you better advice if I knew what test you are preparing for. You should also let me know if this is just for a writing exercise. I can't review your content and response due to the lack of instructions, but i can advice you regarding the grammar issues of your paper.

So, aside from the mistakes corrected above, your essay still has several errors in it. I'll discuss those problems below.

Spelling:
instill - instil (single L)
favor - favour (UK spelling as opposed to American spelling)

Conciseness: Use simpler words that flow better with the essay rather than trying to impress with complicated words or phrases that do not feel natural in the written form.

The majority of - Most
At first glance, the - The
probably from - from
ultimately will - will
appears to be - is
somewhat convincing - convincing

Clarity: Again, the words need to feel like a natural reference
purchased - bought

Contraction: In academic writing, always spell out both words. Never use the casual English shortcuts.
they've - they have
what's - what is

Avoid using overused expressions and casual English phrases:
on the same wavelength - ... in agreement

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, entering higher education at overseas has gained popularity [3]

You totally missed the point of the essay. You were being asked to deliver a personal opinion regarding the topic. Do you think it is an advantage or disadvantage? The discussion instruction was:

Do the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

What should have done with this question was analyze the question basis. What is the background for the question? What do you think about studying abroad? If you were given the chance to go abroad to continue your studies? Would you take the opportunity? If yes, why? If no, why? Weigh your responses. Which side do you agree with more? Based on your personal preference, discuss the topic. Base your discussion ONLY on the side that you support / agree with.

You used a general comparative discussion approach. That is only used in the comparative essay format (Discuss both points of view...) In this case you have 2 possible approaches to the discussion.

- Show an advantage point, but then present reasons why it is a disadvantage

OR

- Present an advantage point and explain why this cannot be considered a disadvantage

This is the format I often advise my students to use . That is the more appropriate and better scoring A/D paragraph discussion.Show an advantage as the topic sentence, but then proceed to explain why it isn't an advantage after all. It shows a clearer and more connected discussion paragraph. It also allows the student to discuss 2 topics by using one reason per topic.

The discussion response, at the end of the prompt paraphrase should be:

If I were given a chance to study abroad, I would consider it a dis/advantage for 2 reasons.

Use a single discussion topic paragraph discussion paragraph. Consider your response very well. Use at least 10 minutes to outline and consider your response. Your discussion development should be based on your strong opinion or support for one point of view. This essay shows only a discussion but no decision on your end regarding a particular side to support. Your essay will be scored low because of this indecision in specific sections of the scoring rubic. Remember to consider your personal preference as this is what the essay is using as the basis of your response.

Research Papers / The High Renaissance - Leonardo da Vinci´s Mona Lisa. (Rough Draft) [3]

I feel like you have used way too many in-text citations in this essay. It almost feels like a cop-out with you using the citations to create length in the paper rather than actual personal opinions or explanations. I am not sure if your professor will allow this many citations, which would have been better presented as paraphrases that were a part of your personal input into Da Vinci's works. Normally, your paper should only have a limited amount of citations and, even with the use of citations, your personal opinion of the authoritative opinion should have followed its presentation.

In the part where you were discussing the other important figures of the High Renaissance Age, you should have indicated what their master painting were in reference to the Mona Lisa, if they had similar portraits and what common traits these works shared. The discussion does not feel properly developed because you only mentioned the artists, but not what they are known for. A more complete discussion would have represented the changing artistic presentation of the time, through the development of various works that culminated in the Mona Lisa. It would have made for a more interesting backstory to the presentation.

I am not sure what the connection of Da Vinci's sketches of the womb nor other medical related sketches has to do with the Mona Lisa. Since the Mona Lisa is the central topic of the discussion, everything from the discussion of the other painters during this time, to the other drawings of Da Vinci need to circle back to the point of the discussion, the Mona Lisa.

There are a few grammar edits in line for this paper, you can catch those mistakes using the spell and grammar checker of your word program. However, I would like to caution you against ending your final sentence with an exclamation point. Since this is to be presented as an academic opinion or research paper, it should end with a full stop, a period instead. That holds the formal presentation until the very end of the paper rather than suddenly becoming excited for no cause.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens health [8]

Posting the wrong prompt isn't something you should apologize for. It happens all the time here. Just remember that with every task 2 essay, you need to post the complete prompt along with it. For the task 1 essay, always include the image. Then I, as the contributor will give you the correct, most appropriate, and useful advice you can get at this forum.

You can edit your thread within a limited amount of time. So you have to make sure that you post the correct essay the first time. Otherwise, you just might miss out on the editing time allowance. The edit button is found next to your name in the posted version of your work. Anyway, on to the review of your work.

Your response is short by one sentence in terms of paragraph sentence requirements. You should have presented the minimum 3 sentences that covers:
- The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens' health
- rather than on protecting the environment.
- I'm in a full opposition to the argument.

Your prompt restatement actually omits most of the important information from the original prompt. It should have read something like the following instead:

There is a question as to how the bureaucracy allocates finances. Some sectors believe that more fiduciary considerations should be given to medicinal studies to insulate people from illnesses. Others would prefer that the same cost be used to preserve our habitats. I am opposed to the suggestion that scientific health research should be given financial priority.

You have to completely restate the original prompt by changing the whole presentation, but preserving the key idea behind the topic, reason, and your response. Change the keywords in the essay the same way I did here. Show the range of your vocabulary through alternative word usage. Your original response to the prompt is unclear. Since there are 2 discussion topics, you need to spell it out in the response presentation. Say which of the two sides you disagree with.

Now, this is a single point of view essay. That means, you need to take the 2 discussion topics and prove why your point of view, the opposing one, is the correct one. Both your reasoning paragraphs must focus on debunking the belief that the government should spend more money on medical research. Your second paragraph is actually an excellent defensive paragraph for your stance. However, the comparative first paragraph is not. Had you used the second paragraph first and then built the second paragraph on a further explanation of the points you made in the previous paragraph, your essay would have been properly explained and clearly developed in the eyes of the examiner.

At the moment, you took a stand in your response, but failed to prove that you have the explanations to back up your claim. Mostly because you went from trying to prove your point (single opinion essay) to creating a compare and contrast essay. You have a question to respond to, you were not asked to present both points of view, so this is not a compare and contrast essay. It is only a single opinion defense essay. So your approach was incorrect. Your paragraphs are improperly developed and does not follow the indicated discussion pattern for the prompt.

Again, your opening statement was almost correct. You just forgot to represent all parts of the argument, which would mean that you rushed through the writing of the essay. Always double check your written work against the original prompt. Make sure you represent all the requirements of the discussion instruction. You went from having a stance, to not having a stance within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Which means you really did not have an opinion to start with. You failed to well represent your response to the question, that sudden indecision will cost you as the essay may not achieve a passing score.

Writing Feedback / Millions of people have now the Internet access, surfing online has become a common thing [6]

The main problem that I see with your presentation pertains mostly to your grammar. You need to learn to use verbs in order to create a sentence that makes sense to the examiner. For example:

... their advantages definitely beyond the disadvantages.
- the advantages need an action word to complete the description so: ... their advantages definitely OUTWEIGH the disadvantages.

or

... their advantages definitely GO beyond the disadvantages

You also need to use subjects when presenting verbs:
... They cannot touch, smell, or try on carefully before making the decisions.
- try on what? What is the subject of that reference? clothes? perfume? shoes? The sentence thought process is incomplete.

Error in vocabulary usage:
... clicks or touch...
- Clicks would have been sufficient. Touch doesn't do anything to the screen unless you click or tap on it.

Now, for a more coherent explanation of the advantage v. disadvantage, your presentation would have been stronger if you had actually taken the disadvantage discussion points and proven why these disadvantages are actually advantages. It would have created a more cohesive and coherent presentation as all of the discussion points, positive and negative would have all connected to the same subject. So, to write this essay, you should have first outlined:

Disadvantage: Non- physical Shopping - lack of physical contact with the item, possible mistakes in item delivery, payment fraud
Advantage: Health precautions: non-exposure to viruses, bacteria, and germs (reference Covid 19 new normal shopping guidelines. It shows your understanding of current events in relation to the given topic) . Saves time because a person can shop from anywhere (even at work), items are delivered to the client's home allowing the buyer to do other things with his or her time. People can easily shop and compare items without having to physically go from store to store.

Properly outlining the essay by looking for the connected advantages and disadvantages of the same topic, you create a clear analysis of the discussion and present fully developed reasoning presentations using both sides of the same topic. Always aim to connect reason 1 with reason 2. That way, the essay comes across as fully developed and explained to the examiner.

Your conclusion is incomplete. Kindly review the reverse paraphrase requirements and apply it to the next essay. The reverse paraphrase needs:

- A topic restatement
- Advantage reason (summarized)
- Disadvantage reason ( summarized)
- Closing opinion

Your essay is actually good, but it could have been better. The second paragraph could have used more appropriate discussion development.

Letters / Letter of explanation for study permit in Canada [2]

I am reading this from the point of view of a visa officer. Frankly speaking, the letter of explanation is not strong enough. You are not convincing the visa officer that you have enough reason to want to study in Canada, but then go back to your home country after your studies. The fact that you are a minor, who is speaking of needing to work in Canada, even as your father supports your studies does not paint a reliable picture of your potential student status. You have to convince the officer that although you are going to be spending 3 academic years as a student in Canada, you will go back to your home country with every chance you get, specially during the long summer break. During the summer break, you should show an intention of continuing your skills development while in the Ukraine. That way, the officer might be convinced that you will not become an undocumented immigrant in Canada after you complete your studies.

The reason why you chose to study in Canada is not very convincing. It is too shallow in representation. You should be showing an interest in being exposed to a particular computer field that Canada excels in, which was the reason why you were drawn to study this course in Canada. The letter of explanation needs to show that you are more interested in creating a network with Canadian computer engineers who can be of help to you once you return to the Ukraine. Don't forget, your studies should so that you have a future goal which will be served best by having a Canadian education. Right now, the essay lacks that reference and clarity. Make sure that you do a few things in the letter:

- Make it clear you have specific reasons for wanting to study computer engineering in Canada rather than in the Ukraine where the course is also offered

- Do not indicate that you plan to work in Canada as a student. It may be misconstrued on the visa officers part while assessing your application. Just say your dad is paying your way and supporting you financially throughout your studies.

- How you plan to go back home during academic breaks to hone your skills within an appropriate setting. Set up the idea that you do not plan to stay in Canada longer than the academic years require

- Explain how you plan to use the network to improve your country's access to current computer engineering technology and its future advancements on both sides. Indicate an interest in an exchange of technological information whenever possible or required to do so.

Like I said, the essay is not convincing enough at this point. I am hoping that if you focus the new letter on the suggestions I made above, your letter might have a more relevant presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: how the water passes from the ocean to land through a natural process called 'water cycle' [2]

I am not confident that you can get a good score with a mere 151 words written. You should aim to write at least 1750 words to get a better overall scoring consideration. The sentences are too short. There are not enough simple and complex sentence presentations to warrant a better GRA score. There are spelling problems within the essay, and you seem to have taken a short cut in the presentation of the water cycle process.

The overview is not complete enough. It should have 3 sentences in it that present:
- The type of image
- The listing of the 3 stages
- The final outcome of the cycle

From there, you should have a uniform way of presenting the explanation. If you start with "First", then continue with "Second", and "Third" or "The final step". You need uniformity in your procedure presentation.

You did not spellcheck your work. There are spelling errors:
noticable - noticeable
intrustes - intrusion

You did not change the presentation enough when it came to the presentation of the evaporation explanation. You used the statement in an almost cut and paste method. You should have changed the presentation enough to make it appear to the examiner that you did not simply memorize the phrase for reuse in your presentation. Another way of presenting that portion:

Evaporation is reliant on the rate of water vaporization in the ocean. The ocean has a water dissipation rate of 80 % , a major contributor to the condensed air rising into the clouds.

Overall you did just well enough to possibly pass the test. You could have done better. Perhaps I will see your improvement in the next essay? I look forward to it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing 2 - adapting to the climate crisis rather than trying to prevent it from happening [3]

This is one of your better written essays. You have learned to appropriately restate the prompt and offer your topics for discussion in a manner that will have the examiner interested to read what else you have to say. Your first reasoning paragraph was well developed until the last sentence. What global crisis were you speaking of? Climate change does not necessarily equate into a lack of suitable human or animal settlements. Clarify your explanation. I believe you meant to indicate that "Urban development will eventually lead to unsuitable human settlements" , or something like that. I am not really sure what you meant to say in that sentence.

You do not need to use the connecting word "the" in reference to humankind. Are you sure that animals and plants will not survive? Do not make exaggerated statements. Offer a sense of uncertainty if required by the discussion. Your evidence does not prove that the polar bears have been eradicated by global warming. That is not to say that the discussion in that paragraph isn't effective because it was. It was just a wee bit on the exaggerated side which should not happen in an academic presentation.

Good work on the concluding paraphrase. It was well suited to the purpose. It had a clear topic restatement, your reasons and were properly represented, and helped to close the essay on a strong note. Good job!

Writing Feedback / It is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research [3]

There is a missing paragraph in this 5 paragraph essay presentation. You forgot to present your personal opinion in reference to a comparison of the 2 public points of view. While your reasoning is sound and somewhat acceptable, you do not really present a well developed line of reasoning. That is because the paragraphs focus on the public points of view, without a reference to your personal opinion in one of these two forms:

- A personal opinion that gives an idea of what you think of each point of view within the relevant paragraph
- A personal opinion of view that represents the opinion that you actually support in the discussion.

There was no sentence or paragraph that presented your point of view. Believe it or not, you have to use the first person pronoun in this essay. It is a requirement. It is the only way to clearly indicate that you are presenting a personal opinion as opposed to presenting the public point of view through the 2nd or 3rd person pronouns. Always review the instructions just when you think you are done writing. Double check the instructions against your presentation to ensure that you did not miss a discussion point as you did in this essay.

Contrary to public opinion, simply saying that you agree with a certain point of view, without justifying your support for that point of view is useless. It is always the accompanying explanation that the examiner is looking for to complete your opinion. Therefore, you must present that information either as an opinion relating to each point of view or, as an opinion that supports a specific point of view. Explanations and examples are required.

Writing Feedback / These days, it is true that parents do not spend much time on their children [2]

Excellent work on the reasoning paragraphs. The dual topic presentation was well presented. It used good transition methods from one topic to the next in the same paragraph. The paragraphs utilizes good examples and accurately supports the thought behind the example The length of the paragraph is justified because your explanation was developed well enough in each paragraph.

That said, the main problem with your presentation is the lack of relevance in the original prompt restatement and the concluding paragraph summary. The opening statement, does an acceptable topic restatement. However, you should have given the discussion topic outline in the last 2 sentences, based on the given questions of the original prompt. That would have shown the examiner how you plan to discuss the topics and, allows him to gauge how well you understood the topic and discussion requirements.

Additionally, there are several grammar issues that would have had an effect on the scoring considerations for your otherwise good work. When writing in an academic done, avoid using overused phrases and words such as "really difficult". Drop the "really" and just say "difficult". "Really difficult" sounds highly amateurish. As an advanced student, you should avoid using words that will make the paper read like it was written by a grade school student.

You should also use a comma when listing related items (smartphones, computers, or tablets). It helps to make the sentence clearer in the mind of the reader. You should also work on using specific adjectives to help add to the clarity of the discussion presentation. "High cost of living" is an overused phrase. It would be more impressive if you said "Prohibitive cost of living instead.

Your concluding summary is incomplete. You should remember, the concluding summary should contain the same information as the prompt restatement. The idea, is to prove that you can explain yourself in 2 ways, based on the use of different thought presentations in the final paragraph. It will help judge if you can clearly restate your discussion and reasoning topics, without getting confused the 2nd time you have to present the same information.