Scholarship / AAS -District Program Coordinator role- solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform [4]

The one flaw that I can see in your response is that you failed to establish what part of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective. You spoke about how you dealt with the problem at great length and implied your leadership skills throughout the essay. However, you should also mentioned which of your leadership skills you were not proficient at when the program started, but you eventually fortified throughout the time spent dealing with the problem, thus establishing those as your most useful and effective skills. Not all parts of the skills presentation should be equal in the presentation. You must highlight a specific leadership obstacle that you had to overcome. By doing so, you will better exemplify the strong development of your leadership skills and why these may be useful to you in the future. You should also skip the first 2 sentences. The word limited essays require a direct response approach, without word count wasted on introductory elements. The reviewer just needs to read your response directly. He has no time for flowery introductions. He has 1 thousand other applications to read. Don't waste his time with useless introductions. Just respond directly to the prompt.

Writing Feedback / Causes and solutions of teenager's bad behavior which get them into trouble. [4]

This essay was written in haste and without proper consideration for proper paragraph formatting, clarity, and scoring requirements. You failed to properly restate the prompt and discussion instructions in your paraphrase section. There are no clear dividing paragraphs for the reasons and solutions that you are presenting in the essay. The response requirement was not fulfilled in the sense that you did not give an outline of the upcoming discussions in your reasoning paragraphs as a part of the last 2-3 sentences in your prompt paraphrase. The TA score for this essay will not be close to a passing score.

Your reasoning sentences in relation to the causes of bad behaviors do not produce coherent or cohesive explanations. There are only reasons given, no examples, no supporting data, no proper discussion presentation that could convince the examiner to believe your reasons. By presenting only a series of reasons with very little discussion development, your paragraphs are going to be seen as under developed with little explanation.

It would be better if you focus on limiting your reasoning paragraphs to one topic per paragraph. You can give 2 reasons in separate paragraphs or 2 related reasons in a single paragraph. The latter will require you to use connecting or transition sentences though. For beginner writers, I advise that you use the separate paragraph method instead. It gives you more room to develop your discussion in.

The solutions paragraph suffers from the same problems. Your solutions require justifications either through one supporting sentence and one example or a series of supporting sentences and examples. All of which must relate to the given causes in the previous paragraph. The IELTS Task 2 essay is scored on the the clarity of your explanation, based on your vocabulary, sentence structure, and presentation format. All of these requirements are difficult to find in your essay so you cannot expect to get a 5 band score with this type of presentation.

The discussion topics used are good. It is the example and explanation execution that is faulty. Those problems are what will prevent you from getting a passing score with this kind of presentation.

Letters / MOTIVATION LETTER. I am applying for law degree B.A program in Italy. Need proofread. [2]

The first thing your letter should be doing, as a motivation letter, is explain why you would like to pursue law studies in Milan rather than your home country. You have to consider that learning Law in Milan will focus your understanding of the law mostly upon its application within the Italian justice system. Since you are from Mongolia, you will need to justify the reasons why you believe that a BA in Law from an Italian university would be applicable in your country. The law is country specific. Unless you are planning to study International Law, which is not what you are stating as your interest. If you study international law, rather than simply Law, then you would have a reason to want to enroll in school in Italy. You could say that your interest in the law grew out of an interest in the law as it applies to corporate, federal, or international organizations, or non-profit groups. The interest in any of these legal avenues as it applies to law should be the backbone of your motivational letter.

You should take paragraph 3 and develop that into the main focus of your motivational letter. It will be more interesting to the reviewer than the scattered presentation that you have now. As for the choice of Italy, to study in, refer to the environmental issues that Italy faces and how their justice system has resolved it as your point of interest. Then tie that to the University of Milan and their notable graduates who have influenced your desire to become a lawyer.

If you revise the essay in this manner, the motivation letter should be better and more interesting to the reviewer. It should explain your motivations and its applicability to your future career goal in a clearer manner.

Writing Feedback / Is the financial support from developed countries to those poor nations satisfactory? [8]

If you are still willing to listen to me, since you obviously would rather listen to students, than contributor advice, I will tell you what you are doing wrong. Accept my advice or not, this is the truth, which will not stroke your ego, but will help you become a better writer. There are only student comments here. Those are not the same as improvement advice coming from a contributor. Then again, the choice is yours. Take my advice or not, I am still going to give it.

Do not focus on the word number count. Writing a long essay, that does not correspond to the prompt instruction is not going to give you a passing score. Any teacher who says you should write more words to pass is not a good teacher. The examiner does not score on word count. The exam taker is scored on the content of the essay. There are no right or wrong answers. There is no need to pose a debate in the essay. There is only a discussion so words such as "argue" or anything that signifies discord or debate is frowned upon by examiners. They score down for the use of inflammatory words that alter the original message of the prompt.

Do not rush into writing your essay. With 40 minutes to write this essay, you should take the first 20 minutes to consider, outline, and draft the essay. Cut up the prompt into the following outline to help you consider how to best approach your response.

Consider:

What is the topic? Rich countries often give money to poorer countries,
What problem does this solve? poverty.
Alternative solution? developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries

Discussion Outline:
Thesis: I strongly support the alternative solutions for several reasons.
List of Pro and Con for alternative solutions

Think about your own country at this point. Does the aid it receives from the UN, WHO, allied nations, and others truly make a difference in the life of the poor in your country? If yes, why? If no, present reasons why it doesn't work.

The main thing is to not lose focus of your essay topic, the defense of a singular point of view, your strong agreement with the alternative solutions. Depict examples of charitable organizations in your country whose projects truly make a difference in the poor sector of your society.

The most important parts of your essay writing will be:

-To prove that you understood the prompt topic and discussion requirements
- Clearly explain your response through the use of examples and related reasons.

You do not need a background in international relations. However, the Task 2 essay requires you to be up to date with international and local current events. So if you want to be able to write applicable personal knowledge responses, you better start reading and following news sources. The Task 2 topics will always be based on those types of discussions and opinion topics. Read, learn, remember the facts, and apply whenever applicable in a Task 2 essay topic.

Take your time in writing your essay. 20 minutes used on considering how and what you will write will help you score better than the 300 words you wrote wherein you were thinking and writing at the same time. To avoid errors, focus on brainstorming first. Outline the discussion points and then write about it in 10 minutes. No more that 290 words. Then take the last 10 minutes to review, edit, and strengthen your discussion. Only then will you be able to overcome your problem in assessing the best way to respond to a question. Remember, it is a single opinion essay. The extent essay is never a C/C or A/D discussion. It is a direct opinion, single opinion discussion essay only. That will never change.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 CAM 14 about bad situation - try to make it better, or leave it how it is [3]

The overall discussion format is incorrect. The requirement for the discussion, based on the reasoning paragraph requirement is:

- Accept the bad situation ( give reasons why the public believes this. Use second or third person pronouns)
- Do not accept the situation and try to improve it (public opinion again, second or third person pronoun)
- Personal opinion (would you accept or change the situation? Why? Defend with examples and supporting explanation)

Your public points of view do not acknowledge that you are presenting public points of view. Hence, it comes across more as personal opinion reflections rather than an explanation of public opinions. Use the group pronouns to correct that error.

The response expected from you is a personal opinion justification. Instead, you offered an agreement with one of the two paragraphs, without properly developing your explanation as a stand alone paragraph. You turned your personal opinion into the concluding paragraph. Your TA score will meet with deductions because of the lack of proper reverse paraphrase presentation in that section. The essay will also be lacking a conclusion, which will result in point deductions being applied as well.

Your final paragraph does not meet the discussion requirements as presented in the original prompt. These errors in presentation need to be fixed if you want to get a better score in this essay presentation. The rule of thumb is : Dual point of view discussions have 5 paragraphs. Never forget the personal opinion presentation.

Writing Feedback / Some high schools forced their students to do volunteer work in order to graduate. Give your opinion [3]

I am uncertain as to what the actual, complete prompt for this essay is. There are actually several topics in relation to the subject of the essay so I cannot really decide which one is most applicable for your writing. Please provide the complete prompt requirements the next time you post an essay for review here. In the meantime, I will focus on your grammar issues. Just to get the ball rolling with regards to improving your writing skills.

Most of your errors relate to spelling and grammar issues. In one part of the essay, you repeated the word "to" twice in succession. You should remember to review your work before you submit your essay. So you can catch any errors made and correct it. Every mistake will result in point deductions. Remember that. If you get enough deductions, you could actually end up failing the test.

Let me get started with your spelling errors:

centrate = centered
worrk = work

Grammar rule issues:

- Verb form after the helping verb: ... which can increased (increase) their work...

These are some of the mistakes that I caught in your work. There are several more errors but I would have to show you a rewritten version of this essay to correct it. Sadly, I am not allowed to rewrite your whole essay for you just to correct the errors. I can give you better advice next time. Just remember to include the prompt so that I can do that for you.

Writing Feedback / Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable [7]

You did not properly restate the prompt topic in your discussion paraphrase. You failed to properly format the paper as well. Did you write this using an android device? It is difficult to read and does not provide a proper paragraphing format in your presentation. Please make sure to use the correct format next time. Use a laptop or a PC, never use an android device to write your practice essays. You will not be able to train yourself to properly format your response during the actual test if you do not use the same equipment as the testing center does.

You only wrote 165 words of undeveloped sentence ideas and reasoning presentations. You will not be able to pass the Task 2 essay test with this kind of work. You wrote this more in the manner of an English writing exercise instead of a Task 2 practice essay. The way it was written is more grade school essay type than college level work. It is lacking in so many ways that I am not sure where to start with advising you on how to improve.

Try to review the sample essays here first. Get a feel for task 2 writing requirements. Once you understand what is expected of your discussion essay, you should be able to come up with a more college level type of response to your next practice essay.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of the country [2]

The first thing I noticed about this essay is that it does not follow the standard IELTS prompt for this topic which is:

It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

So I am not sure how to approach the review for this discussion. It does not follow the original prompt requirement and you failed to provide the prompt that you are using for this essay so reviewing your essay based on content and discussion approach will be useless.

I also noticed that you did not meet the minimum 250 word requirement. You only wrote 229 words, which means the corresponding points deductions for being under the word count will result in a severely low score for this essay discussion. Again, since I do not know what the prompt topic and discussion requirement is, I cannot hazard a guess as to how you could have improved your response to meet the word count.

Based on these reasons, it should be obvious that your essay, when all the errors for the remaining scoring rubic are taken into consideration, will not meet the minimum 5 band score. Yes, I can make that conclusion even without knowing the main prompt requirements as the word count is an integral part of the scoring consideration and poses a heavy percentage of deductions when the minimum count is not met.

Writing Feedback / Both physical and mental strenght are necessary to reach success in a sport [3]

The essay will receive automatic TA point deductions for the lack of word count. Of the 250 word minimum, you only wrote 247 words. Normally the essay would fail in totality but scoring adjustments have changed the total failing score to simply points deductions when it comes to word count. Regardless, you must ensure that you meet the minimum word requirement as that will allow you to better score in the GRA section. Additional TA deductions will be made because of your improper formatting of your response and prompt deviation. Your essay does not offer a personal opinion along with a comparative discussion of the public point of view. Please note:

DI: Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Response: That why I believe that both qualities play the crucial role in this field.

See? You created your own discussion which does not respond to the prompt instructions. That is a serious error on your part and will be the main point deductions reason.

The reasoning paragraphs present the 2 public points of view but fails to present your personal opinion within the expected 3rd reasoning paragraph. So there will be a problem with your final score since the discussion is not fully developed. When you miss out on discussing a specific requirement, you can expect that your scoring deductions will be such that you will be unable to reach a 5 band score.

Writing Feedback / Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experiment with knowledge gained from books. [3]

While you were able to express a clear position regarding the given prompt question, the essay suffers from a lack of discussion clarity. The confusion stems from the way that your sentences are not properly structured, along with problematic word usage. There are several instances when you use the wrong word in the sentence, which leads the essay to not have any sense when read by a native English speaker. These problematic sentences, which do not make any sense include:

- ... should you would like to owe or improve some skills (owe should not be included in the sentence because it means to be under obligation to pay)

- You will free from exploring everything ... (missing the connecting word BE. )
- ... have practicability with everything you are learned (you mean practical ability)
- ... it will be only route learning (route means a direction taken for travel. You mean to say routine which means a regular course or procedure).

These vocabulary problems will be enough to earn you a failing score in the C&C, LR, and GRA sections. The LR section will fail because the word is used in a manner that does not meet the definition of the term. The GRA failing score will be due to the stress of the reader not being able to understand the meaning of your sentences.C&C failure will come from the manner that the essay does not deliver a cohesive or coherent message due to the improperly used words and problematic sentence formatting.

Scholarship / Scholarship essay for AAS - International Sustainable Tourism Management [2]

You mention, with specificity, a sustainable basis by 2025 for your country's tourism program. Does your country have a publicly announced tourism development program with that target year? If so, then you should mention the program directly in relation to your choice of university. Pick the relevant objectives of the program that Monash University will be able to help you learn about. You have to show that the program of the country, and the training you will receive from the university align in a manner that makes the choice of university obvious.

Your reasons for choosing your course makes sense. It is clear that you want to work in the tourism industry, but in what capacity is not clear. So you need to work on that. Perhaps explain how you will open a sustainable tourism agency in the country? Give a more solid reason for your choice of course. Apply it to the tourism program of your country if you can. That would actually be the reason why your essay will stand out from the other applicants. If your country has a tourism project that your studies will support, then you will have a solid reason for your chosen course and institution.

Scholarship / Career Contribution Essay - For AAS (Pakistan Economy) [3]

I think you mixed up your essays. You have not given a career contribution response. However, you did provide a response to the proposed course and institution question. So there is no way that I can give you advice regarding how to improve your essay. I need to see a response that is aligned with the prompt requirement in order to help you improve your work. You should write a totally new essay that properly responds to the prompt requirements. There is no forward thinking element in this essay that would show the reviewer that you have a future in this career. You need to discuss how you plan to progress your career after you complete the course. This essay does not do that because it is not dealing with the correct prompt. I have a strange feeling that you probably placed the response to this prompt in the proposed course essay. Double check and let me know. Thanks.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: A cap on citizens' salary or not? [3]

Good writing. The problem is that you failed to accomplish a few things in your reasoning presentation:

- There was no group pronoun reference to the point of view being discussed. This would have helped to show that you were discussing the public point of view as indicated in the original prompt. Without the group pronouns, it appeared that you were discussing your personal opinion in every reasoning paragraph.

- The personal opinion needs to be justified in the discussion. That should have been presented clearly, with supporting explanations and a relevant example. It is a stand alone paragraph in the essay presentation.

The proper format for this essay would have been the 5 paragraph approach. As a compare and contrast essay with a personal opinion requirement, it is safer and always best for you to discuss the reasoning paragraphs within 3 presentations. That way you have enough space to present a fully developed explanation for each reason. The most important reason being your personal opinion which, in case your tutor did not tell you, is never presented as a single sentence in the concluding paragraph.

You cannot conclude your essay with a single sentence opinion because the last paragraph is always reserved as the summary presentation of the total discussion. Hence, it cannot contain an opinion or point of view as that still needs a fully developed explanation. Using it as a closing sentence creates an open ended discussion. That means you did not really conclude the discussion but rather, ran out of ways to explain your opinion. That means your TA score will not meet the highest possible score as you failed to fully explain the discussion in your essay.

Writing Feedback / Peace comes from within, do not seek it without. [3]

This is a confusing story. Though it tries to be insightful in approach, the total lack of character background and clarity in the setting held back what would have been a pretty interesting piece of writing. In relation to self-discovery, self-awareness, general observation, and assessment of others, the paper tries to be an intellectual piece. The problem, is that there is not enough of a backstory to support the character development and growth throughout the writing.

I thought you were actually discussing a human being, as he even had a name indicated in the writing. However, you suddenly identified the main character as an animal. A hare, whose friends were also animals. That totally changed the way the reader saw the characters, the attitude, and the characteristics of the characters portrayed in the writing. You confused the reader. You should have made it clear early on that the characters are not human, but animals who represent human characteristics. That would have made the use of the human name more acceptable and less confusing. You could have said that the hare was the human's animal/spirit guide or something. You just should have made that part clear in the presentation. That is why the writing feels incomplete and with a conclusion that did not seem to make any sense. It did not round up the story in a manner that gave it closure.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment [5]

This is a very badly developed essay. I think you are not familiar enough with the given topic which is why your essay has met the word count, but not really delivered clear ideas that can support your disagreement with the given topic. The first reasoning paragraph does not make it very clear why you believe that people can actually make a difference with regards to environmental preservation. The first 3 sentences are merely word fillers that do not provide a clear subject for the paragraph. The middle of the presentation, the next 2 sentences, offer a topic focus, but then you lose sight of the discussion and fail to provide an adequate example and proper supporting reasons for the given topic.

You are skirting the discussion by pretending to discuss an issue, without offering any clear nor relevant information in the discussion. You are just aimlessly spinning your wheels until you meet the word count. The same goes for the 2nd reasoning paragraph. There is no substance to the presentation at all that relates to the given topic. These are the main reasons why your concluding recap also fell apart.

It appears that you have the skills to deliver an analytical report for the Task 1 essays, but you do not have the ability to discuss personal opinions, as required in the Task 2 essays. I am disappointed in your work when it comes to this particular essay.

Writing Feedback / Topic: Some people suggest that there should be restrictions on a detailed description of crimes [3]

You should always make sure to review the discussion question / instruction after you have drafted your response. That way, you will see if you have actually responded to the prompt or, if you misunderstood the prompt and responded to it in a manner that can be considered counter to the discussion instruction. In this case, you totally misunderstood the prompt question and in the process, failed to respond to the task question as provided. That means, the TA score for this essay will be scored based on how it does not respond to the discussion question. Take a look at this:

DQ: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
YR: Although individuals have right to know ... the newspapers and on TV.

As you can see, your response is not aligned with the expected format. This is an extent question that requires a measured dis/agreement response. Instead, you offered a personal opinion based on a discussion instruction that you made up. You failed to see that you did not properly respond to the discussion instruction, the most pivotal scoring point of the TA, because you did not double check your response prior to submitting the essay. Never assume that your first draft is final and that is responds accurately to the discussion instruction or prompt question. That is how almost all the students fail the test.

Never use more than one topic sentence per paragraph unless required to do so. The second topic sentence is always what causes an under developed paragraph presentation. In this discussion, You are providing more reasons than justifications to your reasons. That is why the paragraphs come across are not fully explained and thus, lacking in clarity. Unless you can learn to use connecting sentences in the paragraph, simply using numerical ordinals for your reasons will not help create a cohesive and coherent essay.

Scholarship / MOTIVATION LETTER OUTLINING THE SUITABILITY OF MY CONSIDERATION FOR A SCHOLARSHIP [2]

The motivation letter that you are writing doesn't really come across as impressive. You have a run of the mill background. The information you provide does not make you stand out as an applicant. None of the information you provide POPS in the eyes of the reviewer. The is no "impressive" opinion to be created in the reading of your qualifications.

This is a unique motivation letter in the sense that it is asking you describe, not your academic background nor your job skills. It is asking you to qualify your motivation based on the changes and improvements that you have personally developed for application in this particular field. Your motivation should have already driven you to develop some cutting edge programs, cooperation between government agencies and NGO's, or other similar accomplishments. Your motivation to impact change should have somehow already been recognized by those in your field through publications, awards, or other types of recognition.

The scholarship clearly states that they are looking for 2 over achievers in your country. That means, your background needs to be more than applicable. It has to have some sense of importance to it at this point. Sadly, it is the importance of your participation and the lack of recognition of your skills that will be the handicap of your application.

Writing Feedback / It is hard to imagine how people live without friends [3]

I am not sure if you wrote this as a part of a Task 2 essay practice test or if you are just working on your English writing skills. I will be cautious and assume that you are just writing a practice test, mostly because you failed to include the discussion instructions for the topic and I do not wish to make any mistakes in advising you, should you not be writing a task 2 essay. I'll provide a general review instead.

Your first paragraph is a good representation of the prompt restatement. Even though you posed a question at the start of the paragraph, which is frowned upon in an actual Task 2 test because that normally leads to prompt deviations, you managed to stay on topic and give the reader a clear idea of what the essay will be about and how you plan to discuss it. It is a good start to the essay development.

Do not use English expressions if you are not familiar with the complete presentation. In the second paragraph, it is "we cannot choose the families we are born into" not, "we cannot choose the family to have been born". Other correction points:

can put complete trust on - complete trust in
the relatives of ours = our relatives

You should be making better use of paragraphs in your presentation. It will help you present a clearer thought process to the reader and make the essay easier to read on the page. By the way, autism is a special needs case, you should not be including that in your essay. Autism is not caused by lack of friends. Be accurate with your data presentation and references. Do not jump to conclusions. If you are not sure of a reason you will be using, it will be best not to use it at all.

Writing Feedback / Technology stock prices - TASK 1 exercise line chart [2]

The summary overview is incomplete. You only mentioned 2 out of the 4 stock companies presented in the graph. Since this is the summary overview portion, you should be including a complete list of the companies in a creative manner or, in a listed manner using an Oxford comma within the presentation. You will be judged on the accuracy of your information and the overview carries a significant weight of that scoring consideration.

Try to avoid using parenthesis in your information presentation. In this example, a comma would have made a better impact on the formality of your presentation:

Apple's stock price reached its peak with a sharp jump from about 5,000 (even less than Yahoo and Facebook initial stock price) to approximately 35,000 in 2012

Had you opted to use a comma, you would have had a more formal information presentation:

... about 5,000, which is even less than...

You should have opted to use the parenthesis when you indicated that the value was higher a year ago instead. Placing the numerical value in a parenthesis would have worked towards showing a better GRA range as you created a more informative sentence using more appropriate punctuation marks while maintaining the formality of the presentation. You should learn when to use a parenthesis and when not to use one. It all depends upon how you structure the sentence presentation.

You also lack the minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph. You are opting to use run-on sentences rather than actual complex sentences, which means you will be getting a lower GRA score. The GRA score becomes higher if you can prove that you properly use a mix of simple and complex sentences in your presentation.

If you opt to use more periods in your paragraph presentations, you will be able to present a clearer data report. You will also be able to meet the paragraph requirements in the C&C and GRA section as well. You could use more advanced English vocabulary in your report but the range of your vocabulary is good enough for your writing abilities and current presentation.

Writing Feedback / task 1: The map below shows the main changes that have taken place in an American town over 62 years [2]

When you write the descriptive essay, you will need to remain specific about which image has what along with which image you are describing. You did that well in the second paragraph, you made it clear that you were discussing the image from 1948. However, you forgot to identify the second image in the next paragraph, which made the reader believe that you are still discussing the elements of 1948 map outline. You weren't. You were already discussing the 2010 changes and you should have made that clear to the reader.

Your 1948 report as one point of data inaccuracy. You describe the canal as a lake. Those are 2 different bodies of water. A canal is man made and deals mostly with waste water. It is commonly found in towns. A lake, is nature made and is not usually found in urbanized towns. You also forgot to mention that there was a church in the 1948 map.In the 2010 map, you indicated that the houses did not change from the original. That is wrong, the house number changed because some of the homes gave way to commercial buildings.

The main problem of your presentation is data accuracy. You did not really take the time to review the maps and compare the differences and similarities. You took too much for granted in your reporting, which will result in a lower score because your data does not cover all the key features and bullet points.

Writing Feedback / Formal examinations and assessments in university [2]

The TA score for your essay will fail because you did not follow the proper discussion format. The discussion format is based upon the prompt discussion instruction which, in this case, was posed in the form of the question:

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your response is incorrect as it did not choose a clear position to defend, based on a measured response to the dis/agree question. The proper response would have been:

I strongly disagree with this position due to several factors.

Your essay suffers tremendously from lack of clear explanations and the misuse of English vocabulary. Your LR and GRA scores will not be able to receive passing scores because of these problematic presentations in every paragraph. You should not use an English word, just because you think that the word is correct. You need to understand the meaning of the word before using it. When you use the word with the wrong meaning, you create a confusing sentence presentation such as :

...these are bald and difficult for students ...

Bald means to not have any hair. You meant to use the word bad which means not good in any manner or degree.

There is no such word as pratising. The correct term is "practicing" . You really do not have a good grasp of the English vocabulary at this point. Your LR score will definitely be within the failing mark range as of now.

There is also a lack of clarity in your sentence presentations which create confusion for the reader because there is no thought nor essence/ subject to the presentation:

... we can't deny that it is unfair between theory and practice in formal tests.

What? I am not clear about what you are trying to say here. You need to remember that a sentence that makes sense in your language, will most likely end up mangled, lacking in clarity, and without a clear topic being discussed in English. You need to stop thinking in your language then translating to English for your writing. You have to think and write in English for your sentences to make sense.

Basically, the lack of clarity in your thought presentation, explanation, and wrong vocabulary usage will be the main factors that will make you fail the test. You need to stop writing essays first and focus on your vocabulary development first. You may also develop your basic English sentence writing skills alongside that. Right now, you are at the beginner level of English usage. You are not yet capable of writing an essay that will pass the Task 2 requirements.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1:The graph shows the number of marriages and divorces in the UK between 1975 and 2000. [3]

You have not been able to prove that you have done an original restatement of the discussion instructions from the original prompt. You retained too many of the original keywords in your presentation. You have to change the original presentation as best as you can. One way of delivering a different statement would have been:

The line graph highlights the 25 year trend of matrimony and annulment cases in the UK. The information was collected within 2 decades and half starting in 1975, ending in the year 2000. The numbers were collected in the value of thousands based on the total number of marriages, 1st marriages, 2nd marriages, and divorces. Overall, the trending graph showed that marriages were on the decline while divorces were on the upswing.

Try to avoid the use of parenthetical information. The use of parenthesis is not really advised in the academic presentations as it indicates an omitted, but required piece of information. You should be presenting the information within the paragraph requirements instead, as full sentences, to avoid any information confusion.

The minimum sentence requirement per paragraph is 3 sentences. This is to help you avoid the creation of run-on sentences. Your paragraphs are mostly long sentences, which will not be scored as complex sentences because of the error in information presentation. Do not confuse long sentences with complex sentences. These are not the same thing. Review your complex sentence creation lessons to help you avoid this common error in report writing.

Research Papers / ENG102: Tik Tok and The Younger Generation [2]

The essay is actually presenting separate thesis statements in the first few paragraphs instead of presenting a clear series of thesis statements, based on a clear explanation of the purpose of the paper, within the first paragraph. The purpose of the first paragraph is three-fold:

- Deliver an introduction to the topic without using quotations or indicating in-text citations
- Pose the questions that the research is expecting to respond to along with a clarification as to the importance of this research
- Explain what sources will be used in the pursuit of this information and why these sources were chosen

I am not sure about how ADHD relates to the research. You might need to work on that angle a little bit more. Work on the angle that TikTok creates artificial ADHD symptoms in its users who get used to doing things within a minute or less. It would also be better if you do not have any cited information in your final paragraph since that should be presenting your final opinion on the topic, based on the information that you researched.

You are right about requiring more research sources in your essay. Based on the questions you provided in the essay, you have to go deeper into your research, which, you have to be careful about because you might end up creating more questions than answers for your research paper.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Consumption and production of potatoes [3]

There are 2 tables presented for your analysis. You should have indicated that separation in your summary overview. It should have been presented as:

2 tables containing 4 sets of inter-related information has been presented for analysis. Table 1 indicates the rate by which an average person consumes potatoes based on kilograms. Table 2, presents related information pertaining to the production of potatoes in the million of tonnes. Both charts based the information on a survey of 5 regions across the world. The regions canvassed were South and Central America...

The overview should always represent the factual information, in short form from all the provided image. You cannot do one image and omit the other. That will show a lack of proper and full analysis on your part, which will affect your overall TA score. The rest of the presentation is solid. You did a good job with your analysis. You clearly showed that you understood what the target audience of the report is and you proceeded to write the data report for that crowd. Good job.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 The graph below shows the average temperature in Antarctica in June 2015. [2]

While you did write 162 words, your essay does not follow the presentation requirements in terms of paragraph presentations. You need to present 3-4 paragraphs for this essay. Each paragraph should have 3-5 sentences that indicate the data provided. You decided to compress everything into a single paragraph presentation, which will negatively impact your final score. Meeting the word count is useless if you did not format the presentation properly. You will meet with point deductions in this case, which could prevent you from achieving a passing score.

The summary overview does not present the complete summary information. You neglected to present the type of measurement, the range of temperatures considered, and the inclusive dates of the month of June. You cannot simply say, for the month of June. You need to give the start and end date of the measurement because it is indicated in the chart. The trending statement should have indicated the highest and lowest measurement points to show the fluctuation trend from the chart. The summary overview should be able to inform the reader of the complete information even without having to read the whole report. Hence, the data accuracy is of vital importance in the summary overview.

Unless you know how to use the special character for Celsius in the presentation, it will be better for you to spell it out every time you present the measurement. That way you keep the reader reminded of the measurement type used. Simply saying C might end up confusing the reader who may forget what the letter stands for.

Format the essay into proper paragraphs to make it easier to read and also, allow the examiner a better opportunity to assess your ability to clearly explain the data, per paragraph. This will help increase your overall scoring considerations.

Writing Feedback / The environment is damaged by humans activities. The governments and individuals should act together [2]

I believe that this is a well written essay but, it suffers from under developed paragraph presentations. You have to remember that even though you clearly restated the prompt and offered a proper outline based on the discussion instruction requirements, if you do not clearly explain yourself in the reasoning paragraphs, you will lose points in the C&C section.

While you would have scored better in the TA section by offering direct responses to the two questions posed, that is not to say that you did not approach the essay format in the proper manner. The format you chose to use in response to the prompt is acceptable. The problem is that your paragraphs do not have balanced discussions.

In the second paragraph, you used a sentence filler. The first sentence in the paragraph does not help move the essay forward in terms of content. You do not need to use word fillers to meet the word count. You should meet the word count through a properly developed explanation. In this paragraph, you presented a good topic sentence, but did not support it with a related example and supporting explanation for the sample. Instead, you offered a second discussion topic which did help your essay presentation because you did not manage to again, use proper examples and supporting data to support it. Without the example and supporting data, the examiner will score you down in the C&C and TA sections based on under developed paragraph presentations. The same problem exists in your third paragraph. The presentation of the second solution was under represented.

For these types of questions, you will do well to use 2 related topics that can share a related example and supporting information. You do not need to present 2 topic sentences, just related topics in one sentence. For example, in the causes paragraph, you could have said:

People have become increasingly dependent on the use of plastic products for both consumer and industrial uses. Everything from food containers to water bottles are made from disposable plastic products, which are discharged into the environment. The manufacture of these products also creates air and water pollution. These 2 activities have a direct impact on the carbon emissions in our environment, causing a combined global warming effect.

By using related discussion topics in a single paragraph, you will be able to use the same or 2 different examples which can help you better explain your point and, in the process, use a dual supporting explanation to justify the relationship of the 2 topics when representing the prompt question. The same format could have been used for the third paragraph also.

Look, this is your first essay, you are not yet familiar with the response writing methods. It would be unfair to judge you on your first writing task. I do not score students immediately, based on their first essay submission. I use this to gauge your writing abilities and English comprehension skills instead. I have to say, your writing skills are okay and your comprehension skills as good. It is just your response presentation that needs work. With any luck, you will be able to present me with improvements in your next essay. I'll score you then.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Celebrities earn more money than politicians. [4]

Regardless of the error in your discussion format and presentation, the essay was never going to get a passing score anyway. The main reason that your essay will not achieve a passing score is because you failed to meet the minimum word discussion requirement for the essay. You should be writing anywhere between 250-290 words. You only wrote 239 words. The examiner will take one look at this and immediate deduct severely from the score due to the missing word count. Then, when you add the unrelated discussion format, which means you changed the discussion requirements for the essay, you will receive additional task deductions, which would leave you with a failing starting score. The rest of the scoring considerations cannot increase your score because you already failed the English comprehension part of the test. Your response is irrelevant to the discussion. Therefore, it cannot progress beyond the TA scoring section.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: It is true to blame working mothers on the increasing of youth crimes ? [4]

The extent essay is a single opinion essay that does not allow the writer to give a compare and contrast discussion due to the instruction requirements for the discussion. Wherever the OR word is included in a discussion question, the writer is given the opportunity to focus on only one discussion choice. The word OR connotes an alternative response. It is indicative of a decision that has to be made regarding the writer's opinion of the given topic. Only one side has to be represented otherwise the essay will be scored down. In this case, the essay will be considered only partially correct in format and response. It will lose points for a number of reasons:

- The direct opinion was discussed in a comparative format, indicating that the response is tangential in content.
- TA scoring will be provided only for the portions of the essay that support your response to the discussion question. The essay will have points deductions for being under the word count. The under the word count situation happened because you used a C/C format instead of a focused opinion discussion.

- The words relating to the non-supported discussion will not be counted towards the word count requirement of 250 words. A percentage for the missing word count will be deducted from the TA score.

- The explanation provided for the POV that you support is under represented. It needs more information in terms of examples and supporting explanations for one topic sentence only. Using 2 topics in one sentence is what created the under supported explanation presentation.

As such, there will be enough subtracted points to adversely affect your final score. This will not get a passing mark because of the error in discussion formatting. A direct opinion essay must support only one point of view, not 2 points of view. That is why you were asked to make a choice between 2 possible discussion points. You can only use the C/C format in "discuss both points of view" discussion prompts.

Graduate / Statement of Purpose for MS in Business Analytics in UK (3 years of Work ex) [2]

The essay needs to focus more on the purpose aspect and less on the narrative background aspect. Your presentation does not offer a clear purpose for your interest in business analytics as is applies to your current and future career goals. I feel that there is a need for you to reformat the paper, basing the content mostly on the requirements of the SOP presentation. This is what you can consider doing to improve the essay:

Par. 1 - Introduce your current work position, duties and responsibilities. Transition by explaining how your most recent work experience has introduced you to the importance of business analytics going forward with your career.

Par. 2: Discuss your foundational training in Business Analytics. You do not need to discuss your full undergraduate resume. Just mention the relevant courses you took ( if any) and what sort of grades you got. More importantly describe any training you have based on your job requirements (format and informal training) with a focus on why these acquired skills have best prepared you to take this masters course

Par. 3: Describe how you plan to apply your knowledge to your profession. How will the course make you a better employee? What are your chances for career advancement? Is that one of the main reasons that you became interested in the course?

Par. 4: What were the factors you considered when choosing the university? How does the university address your career and academic purposes?

Your focus in the original presentation had a tendency to veer off topic and become generalized in presentation. Stay the course and focus only on your career plans, advancement opportunities, and improvements you can make in your field upon completion of the course. Everything must relate to your career in a clear, relatable, and understandable manner.

Scholarship / Scholarship Essay Question - gained knowledge, skills, and connections - present practical examples [5]

I do not really see you presenting any actual applications for your newly gained skills and connections in the essay. Neither do you present any actual problems in relation to the programs you would want to enact in the future in your country. You should be more specific in your presentation. You should present, in every paragraph:

- The skill you will gain
- The application and why it is important to your country / profession
- What obstacle you might come across and how you will solve this situation

Do this 3 times then present the explanation of how the network will help you with your projects and also, include a reference to how you will promote the network in your country. The network should be the last paragraph. Since you have only 2000 characters to work with, you will need to go 500 characters per paragraph. So keep it short. Be direct in your discussion presentation. Do not try to over inform or over explain. Just state the facts in the shortest way you can. If you find it difficult to do that, then you should consider hiring a professional editor to help you accomplish the statement response.

Writing Feedback / Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren [2]

Your essay is confusing to read due to the lack of connecting words, proper sentence presentations, incoherent sentences, and little developed explanations. For debate essays, you must use the compare and contrast or advantage / disadvantage discussion. The way that you wrote this essay does not make it clear which of the two methods you used in your writing. It appears to be a mix of both.

When I write debate essays, I prefer to use the A/D method of discussion because it is better suited to a debate. In a debate, you are supposed to defend your stand first, then look for its weak points second. Once you find the weak points, you must discuss that in the essay in a manner that will shut down your opponent should he decide to do a rebuttal focusing on the perceived weak point or reason of your presentation.

You did not effectively think of potential questions that could be asked based on your presented advantage discussion points. You instead looked for other weak points to discuss in a separate paragraph. The focus of your discussion should have been on the defense/rebuttal side instead of the continuing pro and con reason discussion. Based on these considerations, I would have to say that you did not effectively defend your stance in the essay. There were several loopholes in your first discussion presentation that could have been defended effectively in the next paragraph instead of your creating other discussion questions based on the topic.

The essay asked you to consider your own conclusion based on the comparative discussion of the A/D of having grandparents live with their children. It would have been difficult to come to an opinion about it when you have different reasons to consider, but not the alternatives to the discussion points that you already presented.

Your discussion points are actually badly explained and not really developed as debate points. So the presentation is confusing to the reader. You are also using advanced words such as progeny, which did not really flow naturally with the presentation. In an actual English test setting, the examiner will look at your use of English words, in the correct manner. That means, the words you choose to use in the essay need to feel like it belongs in the sentence or paragraph rather than you just trying to show off the "big" word that you came across while you were looking for words to use in the writing of your essay. Using advanced vocabulary, in the incorrect method will not be helpful to your scoring considerations.

Writing Feedback / a wide range of subjects or a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. [2]

Based on the original prompt for this essay, you cannot take the middle stand and say that both methods of teaching have benefits that should not be overlooked. The prompt instruction requires you to pick one of the two educational systems to provide support for in your reasoning discussion. This is the method by which you are to write the essay based on the following instruction:

For today's world, which system is appropriate?

Based on the aforementioned instruction, the method by which you are to approach the task discussion is the singular opinion approach. The supporting reasons, should be based on your personal learning experience. Your personal learning experience, discussed in a general manner, without particular pronoun use, should help to explain why you feel that one particular method of teaching is more relevant in the 21st century teaching field. The discussion instruction does not leave any room for a comparative form of discussion as you have presented here.

Your essay will suffer in the TA scoring section because you failed to make a decision that reflects a clear opinion within the reasoning paragraphs. Yes, it is important that you pick only one side of the educational method to discuss. That is because the essay is asking you to present a personal preference for the educational method. You cannot prefer to study in both teaching styles. Even actual schools have only one teaching method that they use to teach their students. So you have to choose one teaching method also.

Due to your inability to present an actual position in relation to the discussion topic, I do not believe that your TA score will be more than a 3. You must present a clear position in the task when one is required, such as in this essay. With such a low TA score, you cannot expect to reach the 5 band consideration for the overall scoring result. That is because the reasoning paragraphs are under developed. You are presenting more than one reason per paragraph, which leaves you with a little explained second reason in the same paragraph. This leads to unclear explanations and non-cohesive paragraph presentations.

Scholarship / Product, a condominium, or a sports car? a short essay on something of personal importance to you [2]

The response is okay. You just need to restructure the presentation to make it more effective. You can actually remove the first paragraph that you have at the moment. It doesn't really move the essay forward. It is almost disconnected from the rest of the presentation. It would be better if you move up your current last paragraph to the top of the statement, making it your introduction and direct response to the question. It flows better into the current second paragraph about your volunteer work in the Philippines. Add a new concluding statement about how your experience opened your eyes to the importance of being thankful for what you have. You might need to add a paragraph or two about what the villagers were thankful for where it appeared they had lost everything, thus making you realize the importance of thankfulness and never taking things for granted. Wait, I think it would be better if you just focus on thankfulness. Don't include taking things for granted. It doesn't go well with the narrative. It seems to have suddenly appeared out of nowhere and doesn't have any supporting information within the presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : The charts show school expenditure and the % of students who gained higher education [4]

I cannot fault your information presentation. It is accurate and truly comprehensive in presentation. It is clear and easily understood, even if I do not look at the included images. That is not to say that you do not have mistakes in your presentation though. You still have spelling and grammar issues within several sections of your presentation. Let me break it down for you below.

Spelling:

adwarded = awarded
dilopmas = diplomas
dolllars = dollars
reamaing = remaining
dilopma = diploma
reseach = research

As you can see, these errors could have been easily spotted if you had just taken the time to review your work instead of being in a hurry to consider it completed and submitted for a grade / consideration. Remember, the LR score is based not only on how well you used the words, but also, considers whether or not you can spell the words properly.

Grammar Issues:

Plural form - Million is already the plural form of the word, no need to say millions.

This problem can be easily resolved by having you review more of the plural form usage guidelines and also, familiarizing yourself with the use of English words in both singular and plural form. Start with memorizing the singular and plural form for everyday objects, time references, and monetary forms. You did well on the report, but you have several issues that would lower your LR and GRA scores.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1, BAR CHART: the amount of money which France and UK spent on five types of consumer goods [2]

The presentation is good. However, in your desire to finish the task within the time limit, you failed to accurately report information in certain instances. To be specific:

- In the summary overview, you said there were 5 comparison points, but you only enumerated 4. You have to report all 5.
- In paragraph 2, you mentioned that the UK spent 2 times more than France, but you forgot to mention what the figure for France was to prove your data presentation.

- When you write a topic sentence, make sure you indicate the 2 sets of information you will be presenting:

There were only two tasks on which France spent more than UK. These tasks were related to computers and perfume sales.

By making a clear topic sentence, it will be easier for the reader to keep track of the information in your report, even if you change the positions of the data presentation.

Scholarship / Product Design - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? Scholarship essay for AAS [3]

Totally delete the first paragraph of your essay. That is a total waste of space and is not relevant to the discussion that the reviewer will be looking for. Rather, you should work on developing most of the current second paragraph as the reason why you chose the course. Make that your first paragraph instead, with an extended discussion of your professional reason for choosing the course. Offer 2 sets of reasons for the course choice. The first is career oriented based on your desire to modernize the design industry of Pakistan. The second, should have a personal reason. The personal reason should veer on the side of how you will find a sense of personal growth and fulfillment by increasing your understanding of how design affects the mindset of a person and can help create a sense of personal joy for you because you will learn how to design for a specific, personal reason. There is no need to adjust the content about why you chose the institution. That part is good. It will be better when you relate the chosen course, academic, and personal reasons, with the institution choice. From what i can tell, without the first paragraph, the remaining paragraphs will allow you to revise the content in a manner that could be of interest to the reviewer.

Writing Feedback / IELTS PIE CHART: The charts illustrate the annual income and expense of a US charity organization. [4]

You need to learn to properly format the Task 1 reporting presentation. Based on the information presentation requirements, you need to have presented the following:

- Summarize the main information
- Select and report the main features
- Make comparisons where relevant

When you summarize the main features, you need to use a 3-5 sentence format for the paragraph. You need to make sure that you present more than just the topic and image type. By the way, you should have identified this as a pie chart. There are several types of charts so you need to be specific about it for information accuracy in your presentation. What was missing from your presentation are:

- The method by which each chart was divided between the two pie charts
- Method of measurement
- A singular trending statement

The worst thing you can do in a chart report is to rely on the use of parenthesis throughout your presentation. Using a parenthesis throughout means you are unable to fulfill 2 of the reporting requirements:

- You failed to properly report the main features
- You failed to make comparisons in the discussion

The essay format is actually a 4 part paragraph presentation even though there are 3 instructions to be fulfilled:

Par. 1: Overview and trending statement
Par. 2: Revenue sources
Par. 3: Expenditures
Par. 4: Comparisons

The comparison discussion should have been represented by a report presenting the following information:

- Investment income
- Fundraising
- Management and general

The aforementioned reporting approaches / formats would have helped you present a clear, comparative, and informative pie chart report.

Writing Feedback / In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. What's your opinion about this? [4]

It appears that you did not fully understand the discussion instruction for this essay. The instructions provided required you to discuss the essay in a compare and contrast method, followed by a presentation of your personal opinion. Your discussion is based instead on an advantage and disadvantage discussion. You did not discuss the essay in the correct manner. The examiner will look at the original prompt and your response to the prompt. He will realize that you misunderstood the discussion instructions and accidentally created your own discussion prompt. For clarity purposes, let me show you exactly how the mistake came about:

OI: Discuss both view and give your own opinion?
YR: i believe that it has more disadvantages than that.

As you can see, your response cannot be considered prompt responsive because your response is unrelated to the task you were given in the original prompt instructions. So, your essay will fail a major scoring consideration, the Task Accuracy section.

At this point, I will not continue to review the rest of your essay. It will be silly of me to do so because the overall errors in the essay, when combined with the failing TA score, will not result in a passing score for you anyway.

I strongly advise you to stop writing Task 2 essays at this point. Instead, read up on example responses to various prompt statements. You will not lack for those at this forum. Learn to identify the proper discussion types, based on the prompt discussion instructions. Only when you understand the different topics, discussion types, and discussion approaches, will you be able to properly respond to a Task 2 essay. It is important that you never change the discussion format and that you do not change the discussion instructions so that you can pass the test.

Writing Feedback / The two maps represent some changes that were made on the island for tourism purposes. [4]

Do not offer an analysis of the island. You are only to describe the illustration, without any personal point of view or input that is not included in the original image. So refrain from saying things like:

- which completely transformed this site into a touristy island.
- Traffic issues were considered, too. ( a misstatement since no roads were added so no traffic considerations were needed)
- From such an isolated place...

Avoid using non-academic phrased such as; "lots of things". You are writing a professional descriptive report for a specific audience. Non-professional references should be avoided at all times. It removes the formality of the presentation.

Basically, you took a creative writing approach to a report which should have had a more formal writing presentation. After the summary of the discussion points, the two images needed to be described separately, in 2 paragraphs,with the 4th paragraph offering the comparison (before and after) points that would have been of note such as:

- No change in the measurement from the beach to the sea
- No beach ground expansion / reclamation
- Of the 2 sea fronts, one was developed for the resort facilities

Based on the description, only sailing was added as an activity. There was no mention nor image referring to swimming so that should not be included in the report. I fit is not in the image, it should not be mentioned in your report or description due to information accuracy considerations.

Scholarship / "Self-motivation" - Something of personal importance to you (< 200 words) [3]

Self-motivation can be used as a response to the statement only if you can manage to justify it within a character building reference. An explanation that shows how you were not self motivated at first, which led to some failures in life. Then, the realization that you need to be self motivated to get ahead in the world. How you motivated yourself and what the results were, thus leading you to believe that self-motivation is something of personal importance to you. Explain how without self motivation, you would not be the person you are today. That is why self motivation is important to you. What sort of person do you think you would be today if you had not developed into a self motivated person?

Self motivation is not the normal go to response for this prompt. Normally the personal importance prompt is responded to using a belief system or character trait which indicates how you have evolved into an adult who is ready to attend college. A belief system, a personal support system, a hobby, anything that shows something you value. A personal heirloom, a gift from an important person, something or anything that presents a backstory which helps the reviewer get to know you beyond the regular prompt discussions would be best suited as a response to this statement.