Letters / International Software Systems Science program at University Of Bamberg - Motivation Letter [3]

Hi Firebaby, I would like to share a few insights to your letter.

I find this letter well written, you were able to reveal your true intentions in pursuing the masters program, I also liked the fact that the letter used very specific simple words that definitely expresses your desire for excellence in the field.

However, on the first paragraph, try not to highlight a me-me persona, instead of writing "I have or I graduated", write "Having earned a bachelors degree with first honors", this is more appropriate in giving emphasis to your achievements, it is also very effective in letting the admissions see what you have and what you can become.

Lastly, towards the end of the letter, I suggest that you include a couple of sentences that answers the question; should you be given a chance to pursue masters in this institution, what can you contribute to the academe?

I hope this insights help.

Writing Feedback / The chart shows the employees of men and women in the nine type of jobs in the UK at 2005 [3]

Hi Dina, here's additional insights to your analysis.

- The bar chart illustrates about
- with the nine types of
- jobs in the UK at 2005
- While the men prefer in the skilled trades.

- The women was a lead the
- although the men are more
- interested in the skilles trades.
- second favorite job at 15%. F, f ollowed by the

- The women had a small
- men does not have interested
- in the perr sonal service with similar level( this phrase is not necessary ) .
- In which the man where uncomfortable
- working in the sales
- and officer with the figure at 5%.

There you have it Dina, I say, push for more practice writing, read a lot of English literatures as this will boost your vocabulary as well as your writing skills.

I hope you find this feedback useful.

Writing Feedback / Compare and contrast the advantages of the city living and country living. Defend your preference. [3]

Hi Hannah, I hope to add additional insights to your essay,
What is very noticeable in this essay is that, you have the idea of what to write, however, you can't seem to figure out how to express yourself, it's as if I was reading an essay written in a manner of "for the sake of", and this should not be the case, every essay practice should be written with much caution, in such a way that each and every essay will be a good written essay.

Now, I understand how hard it is when you don't speak the language, this is why practice is very crucial, practice is the only way we get better if not the best.

Definitely, there is a lot of work to be done in your essay and I hope you follow through with the suggestions given here on EF, from my end however, I suggest you use simple words that depicts your essay, when it is big words that you aim, as it is here, make sure that is followed with a well rounded explanation in order for you not to get tangled in the idea.

I hope to review your revision soon and push yourself to practicing the English language, you are off to a good start and keep it up.

Writing Feedback / GRE issue essay: Should the foundation of education be based on morality or logical reasoning? [3]

Hi Stacy, this is yet another well written argument you have here, you were able to make yout point from the very beginning of the essay, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, base on English language usage and how it used in your essay, I say 8.5 for this essay. This is because, the last two paragraphs that you have towards the end of the essay, is not as strong as the beginning of the essay itself. Consistency, not only in writing, but in everything you do, is key to success.

Having said that, I would like to share my thoughts on the last 2 paragraphs of your essay;

- need to practiceobserve morality
- For example,( an example will not be appropriate in this part of the essay, more likely, a conclusion should showcase your final thoughts of the prompt and not an example )

- I t is logically sound
- want to testput animals
- at the risk ofin developing
- are undoingnot practicing logical
- one's life is being used
- at the stakein the hand of a

- In sumoverall , it is important
- advance in the society.and even for the good of society. ( this phrase is not necessary. Stacy, for future writing reference mind your sentence construction, make sure that the sentences you create, expresses your ideas and not just formed for the sake the length of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Task 1: Four categories of films which were screened in the United Kingdom and Australia in 2001 [2]

Hi Ivan, as I finish reading your analysis, i must say that is is with a unique approach, you have developed an analysis that is not as typically written as the others, most of the analysis would start as, "the chart below illustrates", yours started in a very unusual way, unusual on a positive note.

Moreover, I believe that the chart has been explained properly, no information has been left out and definitely, no facts has been neglected, you manage to come up with a full detailed analysis that is very important in presenting the chart.

As mentioned, we do hope that you follow through with the suggested revision to the analysis and I wish to review more of your essay soon.

Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The map shows the proposed reconstruction of a college in 2020. [3]

Hi Nabila, here's some additional insights to your analysis.

- The picturemap has illustrated
- map, before construction,
- facilities onin this college.
- that havehas been done in 2020.

- there were the only car parks ,
- and a small sports
- constructions havethat has been
- there is a resources centre
- built next to the car park.
- that were rebuilt and
- widened which are the main
- college building and the sports complex.

- facilitate the civitascivic academics.
- of somethe new facilitates,
- it can be seen athat there are several
- development ofin this college without

There you have it Nabila, I hope this corrections are useful and helpful in your revision and for future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences, most of them lack minor details and this can affect the entire essay.

Scholarship / I plan to take all my prerequisite classes and then apply to the Dental Hygiene program. Goals essay [5]

Hi Theresa, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope that you will find this website helpful and useful in your writing reference. We strive to help writers and students alike in making sure that they are able to come up with a well written if not the best essay.

Now, I want to appease you with your doubt in writing, think about it as like you are talking, but you have to put it in a physical paper and you have to submit it to somebody who will critique it. Moreover, you don't have to write your name in this essay, stating the obvious will sometimes help, but this is not relevant to this essay.

Furthermore, try to group your sentences into bold paragraphs, for your essay in particular, you can create about 3 paragraphs, your introduction, the body and the conclusion. Mind the substitution of your words, like when you already established your goal, avoid repeating the same words on the succeeding paragraphs.

I hope this insights helped and I wish you the best of luck!

Writing Feedback / An introductory part of my essay writing practice. [6]

HI Akbar, as I was reading through your essay, I can't help but notice that this is quiet a long introductory part of the essay, as you know, the introduction is pretty much an introduction to the essay, I suppose a maximum of 5 sentences should suffice your introduction.

Now, there is still a good thing in this introductory draft, that is, you know exactly what you want to say and write in your essay, all you have to do now is to re- write them in a way that is like a summary to the one that you have right now, as mentioned, a few sentences will be enough to act as your introduction to the essay that you are trying to come up with.

Overall, it is a well established idea and I hope you will be able to come upi with the the succeeding paragraphs as strong as your introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Multiple Data Sets in Pie Chart and in Bar Chart [3]

Hi Nurtria, below are additional insights and corrections to your analysis, I hope this helps.

- The re source of some grievance
- the given period and
- of the average
- the period of 2000
- At firsta glance,
- that the public
- becomes a major oneissue .
- that on the average

- To begin with , there is a
- that the public
- than the others which
- The other iss are identified
- state, ( the punctuation marks are also valuable to your sentence ) shows almost

-time in the bar chart,
- it can be clearly seen clearly that
- the trend experienced
- slow fluctuation slowly over 4 years.
- end of the time frame,
- least stood, standing at just over 4.

There you have it Nurtria, I hope the corrections are useful and I wish to review more of your essays and analysis soon.

Writing Feedback / "What is your greatest strength?" - it is not only a tough question, but also philosophy question. [5]

Hi Alvius, as I read your essay, somehow, it is hard to understand, this is because, the words that you used in the essay are not the right ones that should be added unto the sentences as it does not depict the idea that you are trying to convey in answering the prompt, as a result, the essay became a whole of ideas rolled into a jug of paragraphs, hoping that the reader will understand it eventually.

I believe what you need to realize it that, English words vary in meaning as its form changes, an example is the verbs, should the subject be a present action, then the verb should follow through. This is the trick in getting this rhythm right.

Moreover, as much as you want to be creative in your writing, you also need to make sure that it is understandable and expresses your answer to the essay in a manner that is simple, comprehensive and more importantly, direct to the point.

Writing Feedback / International communication online. Distance is not a main problem in connecting people anymore. [5]

Hi Wira, I would like to share a few insights to your essay, I will take on the first 2 paragraphs so you can follow through with the last one.

- has been advanced nowadays.
- Distance is not athe main
- to makecreate a relationship
- with someone in overseas .
- Beside of manyAside from these benefits

- whichwherein social media
- users are approximately reach 2,2 millions.
- does not cost too expensive andas much it is more affordable
- Due to spreadingWith the spread of internet, ( mind your punctuation marks )
- every place in the entire of the earth,

There you have it Wira, I hope the corrections provided above are useful to your revision, do follow though and should you need further assistance, we are here to help.

Writing Feedback / Task 1: The number of visitor to and from the UK over the period from 1979 to 1999 [3]

Hi Hengky, some additional insights to the analysis. Refer to the previous essay reviews, your linking verbs are still missing, like when you say,"it can be seen," this phrase shpuld be followed with "that", so it's, "it can be seen that", mond that this linking verbs are very vital in order to complete the whole idea of the essay.

Howeve, this are just plain suggestions and we hope that you follow through, the thing is without the linking verbs, as they are regarded to link ideas, the whole sentence will still be good but it lacks the essence of a complete sentence, therefore these verbs are very important.

Overall, it is a well written analysis and I hope to review more of your analysis, for future writing reference, follow through the suggestions provider for your essay and make the most out of every help you can get.

Scholarship / 'idea to simplify the system in more efficient and effective way' - Implementing change or reform [3]

Hi Alvius, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be helpful and useful in your writing reference, should you require any further assistance to your writing projects, this is the place you can post it.

Now, going back to your essay, I must say it is quiet a self centered essay, though nothing is bad about it, however, thd idea of writing an essay that answers this prompt is to showcase you as well as your contributions tp the institution you belong, without being me, me, me.

What I suggest is that, you revise your essay, still with the same focus but without the regard to your self, like "with my help the development of a system...", as you can see, it is still your work being highlighted but in a very subtle way.

Also, double check the words that you use in the essay, like "memorize" instead of "memories", this minor details can change the logic or even the idea of the essay, so you have to work on this part too. I hope this helps!

Research Papers / Obesity in America Composition. I need your assistance revising my paper. [3]

Hi Devin, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we are absolutely growing and with overwhelming acceptance from social media and the rest of the netizens that are ruling the world, we hpe to provide you with the most comprehensive and unbiased criticism that will definitely help you improve your writing skills as well as learn new tricks in writing.

Going back to your essay, it seemed as though I was reading a research paper, I must say it is written very well. I really loved the fact that you are able to incorporate the facts with your own opinion, it is a well drafted essay and the logic behind the study is very evident.

Moreover, the notes you highlighted in each and every paragraph is well distributed throughout the essay, this means that the reader will not ne bored in going through your essay, more so, in understanding it.

Overall, it's a job well done.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offences. [3]

Hi Su, upon reading your essay, I would rate at 8, this is on the English language and its use perspective, reason for this score is the fact that you were able to come up with a strong introduction, quiet a different approach from the other responses for this essay.

Following the introduction is a couple of paragraphs that I must say it is not that strong, the information is somehow broken into pieces in order to keep the length of the essay, though this is a normal technique in writing, you have to make sure that in doing so, the essay remains strong from the beginning towards the end and the ultimate conclusion.

There you have it Su, I hope my insights help, for future writing reference, make sure that when elaborating the details of the essay, it will still hold bearing to the original purpose of the prompt.

I wish to review more of your work soon and keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The impacts of technology in today's education system [3]

HI Xavier, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website essential to your essay writing as well as any other writing exercises, this forum is aimed at providing students and writers alike with constructive criticisms in order to assist you with your writing needs.

Moreover, the essays posted here can be used as reference for a healthy comparison and as an idea to your future essays. Going back to your essay,

I believe it is written well, the information you provided truly expressed your idea and how you picture technology and its evolution, how it affect our daily existence and how it co - exist with the advancement of time.

Moving forward, I'm just not sure with the length of the essay, I must say it's quiet long, however, the good thing about it is that, you didn't loose the idea as well as the sequence of the essay. Your strict input and emphasis on the important information is very vital in keeping a strong approach to the prompt.

Once again, job well done!

Writing Feedback / Free - tuition policy by University for luring new professors - argument response [3]

Hi Robin, as I read through your essay, I found out that there are some words that are either missing a letter or spelled wrong, I understand that this is minor observation, but the impact is definitely big, the effect of a misspelled word or missing letter can greatly affect the idea that you are trying to depict in your essay, so you should be really careful.

devoided - divided
near be -nearby ( one word )
comparitivly - comparatively
elder - older ( older - when referring to age / elder - referring to the respect for the older people )

Moreover, the use of "was", instead of "has", "to" instead of "for" this are necessary to the completion of your essay, having said that, mind the linking verbs as well as the tenses that you use in your sentences as this will affect the overall aspect of the essay.

I hope my corrections helped and keep on writing.

Writing Feedback / Modern technology is now very common in most work places. What do you think about it? [3]

Hi Maria, I would like to share a few modifications to your essay.

- over times and it has
- become to integrated
- in different workplaces with
- improving the working
- conditions of employe es and
- way of employees accomplishing specific
- could become positive

- taking the technology
- advancement into work places.
- be done bywith the latest
- manpower, ( mind your punctuation mark )
- in contraston the contrary ( contrast - color / contrary - idea ) at that
- accepted is to increase

There you have it Maria, I hope this corrections help and oh, before I forget, WELCOME to Essay Forum, I hope you find this family helpful and useful in your future writing needs, moreover, I kindly ask that you share this website to your family and friends in order to spread the access to this incredible website.

Writing Feedback / GRE Argument essay: Recall on pet food [3]

Hi Stacy, as much as I want to rate your essay, I don't have the expertise when is comes to GRE grading system, however, here's what I can say about your essay.

You were able to create an argument in much detail, the facts featured are base, not only on your personal opinion, but base on facts and realistic occurrence in our daily lives, recalling pet food is indeed as much harmful as recalling human food, pets are are part of human existence,therefore , they should be treated with utmost importance.

Moreover, the writing style you showcased in this argument is very comprehensive, you made sure that the words are simple, easy to understand and more importantly, the argument is well presented with a very sequential progress of ideas. If I were to rate your essay base on the English language and its use, I would give it a 9, this is because I know that you can still strengthen the argument by choosing to include only the very important details to your essay.

I hope to review more of your writing and the best of luck to your GRE!!!

Writing Feedback / Ielts T2 - space programmes. Is funding those activities a wise choice? [4]

Hi Mara, I agree that this essay that you have is a well written one, however, as I am not an EILTS administrator, I will not be able to put a scale on your essay, what I can say is that, judging your essay on a grammatical perspective, I would rate it at 9, this is because the essay depicts a highly researched, full of facts and it is a realistic approach of the matter at hand.

Moreover, it is presented in a way that not all the information is rolled in one place, the details are properly written in its own space and in its own timely sequence, meaning the logic is very evident.

I hope to review more of your work in the future and I wish you the best of luck in your EILTS. Also, keep this clean and simple approach on your essays, this will help you land a good EILTS score.

Writing Feedback / The percentage of young people in the UK who choose to eat vegetarian diet over the past fifty years [2]

Hi Nabila, as seen in this analysis, you received a very comprehensive modification from our EF contributor and I hope you follow through.
What I like about your essay is that, you were able to use words that truly depicts what the analysis is trying to implicate. The analysis is pretty much a showcase of what you have understood in the graph, so you have to be very careful.

Moreover, you manage to keep the analysis to its facts and started very strong, the body of the essay is also very comprehensive and lastly, the conclusion and final sentences of the essay is written as strong as it started.

I hope the insights help and I wish to review more of your work in the coming days. For future writing reference, keep a good pacing on the flow of your ideas and maintain the simple approach towards every prompt or analysis that you answer.

Research Papers / Research Critique- I have to read an article and Critique it but I am not sure how to start [5]

Hi aj2012, the critique should comprise such information with a substance or shall I say, it should comprise your understanding of the research or the topic at hand. One thing that you have to understand is that, a critique is like telling your readers what your take away is or your understanding of the matter at hand.

Moreover, mind the information presented on the paper, it should be as much detailed as it is from the paper itself towards your critique, this is crucial as it the life of the research, towards the end of your critique, you can add your personal insight to the topic, this makes the critique more personal and will add warmth to the readers.

I suggest that you post the entire research paper so we can help you out in coming up a much more comprehensive critique. I wish to read and review your work soon.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1 :The changes that have occurred in selected area, around school area [3]

Hi Rangga, here's additional entries from my end.

- The changes that havehas occurred
- in the selected area,
- around the school area , there
- it can be seen, the most noticeable that the - then thesethis change

- To begin with , there were
- left of the schools
- building and in the playground
- area in the first
- withinto a car park
- inas it was use to be sport field.
- HoweverMoreover , school building
- the 30 years period .

- Car parks located
- to the left of the science
- south from the car park
- expansion of a car park. Andand the playground
- with the size less than before.

There you have it Rangga, I hope the additional corrections help and for future writing reference, mind your linking verbs, refer to the modifications above.

Writing Feedback / The cycle of hydro-electric power generation classified by two important concepts - IELTS [3]

HI Rangga, I would like to share additional insights to your analysis.

- generation is classified
- seen,that the two concepts
- constituted a mutual support.
- water in dams ,
- in distribution of electricity
- whothat had been
- produced by turbine, will be
- reaching the consumer.

- water from the rain is
- A valve seesis seen to
- the water from the dam
- Then the water which
- with a pump back
- to the reservoir and the process is repeated.

There you have it Rangga, I believe, the linking verbs that are missing in most of your sentences will complete the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers. I left the last paragraph so you can practice editing it yourself, following the corrections done in the first 2 paragraphs.

I hope this is helpful.

Research Papers / The dangers of Fast Food and GMOs - so many people are unaware of their harmful effect. [3]

HI Angelica, first of all, WELCOME to Essay Forum, I hope you find this website helpful as well as useful to your writing needs. Please do share this website to your friends so that they will participate in practicing the English language and master it in the process.

Now, going back to your research paper, I must say that it is well written, you were able to come up with comprehensive information that is backed by your well researched information. The length as well as how your essay is presented is also essential in the submission of your paper.

However, the citation that you have included in your essay can be further focused if you add them alongside the facts that you have drawn from the particular source. Overall, it is a well written research, as mentioned earlier and I hope to review more of your writing here on EF in the coming days.

Writing Feedback / Some think that children should be obedient to the rules and do what the teachers want them to do [5]

Hi Sophie, it's good to hear words of appreciation, it's actually one thing that we look forward whenever we log in to the website, your words of encouragement will only make us more determined to keep this website as much help to you as well as to us. I hope you spread the news that this website does exist with the goal of helping students and writers alike.

Now, for your future writing reference, when answering a prompt, mind the flow of your ideas, make sure that it is in as much detail as needed. Essays are base on a particular topic and this means that your writing should only evolve in it, however, a personal opinion will not hurt if you add a little of it, specially in the last paragraph or before you do the closing statement of the essay.

Furthermore, when writing, mind the purpose of the essay and provide all the necessary information needed to support you essay and make the cut. I do hope to review more of your essays and writing articles here on EF and keep writing.

Research Papers / "Technology waste reduction" - ENG102 Lesson#11 Drafting and Peer review 4.09.16 [3]

Hi Alex, WELCOME to Essay Forum, may you find this website helpful and useful to your writing needs. This website is aimed at providing unbiased and constructive criticism in order to get better if not master the English language by practice writing, students forum and plain and simple conversation.

Going back to the research paper, I must say, it;s quiet comprehensive, very detailed, well researched. The transition of the ideas and information in the paper is also flowing smoothly, it follows a certain sequence, a sequence where your readers are able to follow and understand what exactly is written in the research paper.

However, I suggest that, when it comes to your citation, I suggest that you write them, enclosed in a parenthesis, alongside the information drawn form your source, this will help your readers see the source of the information, straight away, rather than going to the citation page to verify the information.

Now, this does not mean that you can eliminate the citation page, you can have this as an addition to the page.

I hope this insights help.

Writing Feedback / West Park changes: buildings repaired, science block in housing area, sport field, larger car park.. [2]

Hi Rere, for this particular analysis, I must say that you nailed, it, you made sure that the sentence is complete, you may have some more corrections but they are minor and I believe the suggestions above from one of our EF contributors will help you in coming up with a much better analysis.

Moreover, what is good about your analysis is the focus or the attention to details, you are able to gather previous suggestions provided here on EF and this is a very good character, you are showing that is it important to listen, learn and be able to approach your essays and analysis in a way that is suggested to you.

Overall, this analysis as well as the previous ones I have reviewed, only lack fine details, minor ones actually, however important, to pay close attention to.

I hope this insights help.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors [4]

Hi Rere, here's another help from my side.

- corneredgathered the online
- the year while books arehad the least.

- that haswas spent
- for the travel sector.
- terms,are music and film
- was at 19% for selling books.

- of the proportion
- HereinMoreover , travel
- decreased asat the least,
- is was only at 16%.

There you have it Rere, I hope the suggestion are useful to your revision.
What I notice in most of your sentences is the lack of linking verbs that is associated to completing the idea of the sentence. This are just minor details, such as punctuation marks, but believe me, they mean a lot in getting that idea across your readers, so be cautious on this matter.

Writing Feedback / The most popular transport in Edmonton. Cars represent more than 2/5 of all transportation types. [4]

Hi Ester, let's see if there's any progress with your analysis, I know there will be and I know that you pay attention to the given suggestions in your analysis and overall to your writing skills.

- proportion of inhabitant'speoples ( people - human being / inhabitants - other living thing aside form humans ) - using cars in the inner city.
- It is measured in percentage .
- Overall,from the first chart,
- shows the most favorite
- car,( a comma is not necessary when the idea is followed by the word "and" ) and mostly
- they utilized itthis for commuting to work.

- seen,that people in

- is one of the most reason
- SecondlyNext iswas doing business,
- about 45% and closed to this position
- alongduring the day and
- other reasons were for shopping
- about 15% each reasonrespectively .

There you have it Ester, I hope the corrections help and with your essay, they left me curios, do you have to repost it when you do the revision?, I ask because, I never read any revision from analysis done by anyone.

Anyway, I wish to review more of your work soon.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The chart below gives information about Southland's main export [2]

Hi Rere, I have a few additional insights for your essay,

I believe, your analysis is one of the most comprehensive ones that I have read so far, you made sure that the information depicted on the chart is clearly analyzed and elaborately written in the essay.

The thing that I like most about it is that, you have given full observation to the details of the chart, the measurements, the facts and the figures are in line with all the necessary and vital information of the data provided.

Overall, it's a very well written analysis and as much as I want to stress, I know you will do much better in the next projects that you will have. Maintain the details, the focus to the information as well as keeping the rules of the language evident to the essay.

Graduate / The conservation of nature is an obligation of humanity [3]

Hi Irvin, I must say, at a glance, this particular letter is way to long for a letter to the institution with a sole purpose of getting in for a masters degree. Most of the essays I have read, on the same agenda, is written in a way that is direct, precise, straight to the point and with all the necessary, vital and detailed information on the topic that works best for the applicant.

Now, don't get me wrong, I read your letter and it is clearly elaborative, full details are evident to the essay, however, most of the information you provided is not necessary to this application.

Remember, as you are applying for the masters program, the admission staff already knows your eagerness to the subject at hand, they already know that you have the passion and dedication to the craft, stating the obvious, sometimes helps but most of the time, excessive information can lead to devastating results, so you have to be very careful.

What I suggest is you revise the essay, introduction should be a brief background, the body, this can be 2 paragraphs, details of your academic ambition, lastly, the conclusion, draw your future self, what will you gain out of this masters program.

There you have it Irvin, I hope to review the revision soon

Writing Feedback / Offences that are commited using a computer are more and more common this days.. [2]

Hi Tugba, as it seems that you have put up a good argument here on your essay, I would like to help out in making it an even stronger essay. I will focus on the first 2 paragraphs so you can follow through;

- technology companycompanies ,
- It is not new occurr ence that
- accessing the internet.

- Firstly ,the copying of
- case tothat people
- who access tothe internet
- personal and detailed information - There are many trickster pP eople are pulling tricks on those
- SecondlyNext ,anonymously
- accessing in itpersonal information to annoy , - the communication is a deceptive manner for somebodyinformation ( the rest of the phrase is not necessary to the sentence nor to the paragraph ) .

There you have it Tugba, I hope the corrections I made are useful.
Now, with regards to your other concern, writing for IELTS is very crucial, very complicated yet very challenging and you will find it very rewarding in the end, the main thing that you have to take note of is to follow the English language rules, rules such as subject - verb agreement, proper tenses, proper clause, etc., this are vital to attaining better score at an IELTS writing,

I wish you the best of luck and I hope to see more if your work soon.

Scholarship / Master of Architecture scholarship essay - Passion of art and design [4]

HI Christine, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, I hope we are able to suffice your needs on your writing.

Well, first stop, you have a very interesting essay, what I notice is that, the transition of the essay, depicts exactly what you want your readers to understand, the introduction is the background of the essays purpose and you did exactly just that, you made sure that the reader will know where you're coming from and this information is very essential, also, you used simple words that translates the ideas you have.

Next, the succeeding 2 paragraphs can be merged, this is to make sure that the presentation of the paragraphs is rather uniform than having to see, a few odd short paragraphs.

Lastly, the last 2 paragraphs are strong, just as strong as it started, however, I believe you can do a little revision if you keep one paragraph as a conclusion, do a summary of the last two paragraphs but make sure that all the elements of the essay that answers to the prompt are given priority in the summary.

There you have it Christine, I hope this insights are useful. Keep writing.

Speeches / Farewell speech for a retiring teacher. I am given the chance to deliver a speech [4]

Hi Jing, first of all, WELCOME to Essay Forum, I hope you find our help in the website to be reliable, useful as well as valuable to your future writing references. Consider yourself lucky in being able to find this website as not a lot of people know that a free editing site that is absolutely real actually exist and Yes, we aim to provide our best to each and every review we provide. Having said that, please find my corrections below;

- Her most honorable, Mrs Lim, your retirement
- is not just a big loss to the students,
- but also an ultimatebig loss to
- As we know, Mrs Lim has contributed a lot to our school.( this is not necessary )
- but she is also the Heads theof - She try her best for gettingto get her students
-a techearteacher ( be careful with your typo )

Well, Jing, there you have it, I hope the corrections helped!
It is just minor corrections as the essay is written fairly well and I hope you follow through with the corrections. I wish to read the revised essay soon.

Writing Feedback / The number of movies description in India, Ireland, New Zealand, and Japan categorised in four types [3]

Hi Nurtria, below is a little help from my side.

- and the least is found bywith the horror ones .

- Turning first to India and
- film at 24,5 m24.5M ,
- yet they both own
- remaining for two other countries, ( mind your punctuation marks ) shows
- the slight differentdifference in the total

- In terms of total film per each type,
- action movies rather than
- they describe thedepict a slightslightly

There you have it Nurtria, I hope the revision is helpful and when you get the chance, read a lot and practice more in your writing. Again this analysis has been a good work and continue writing, learn from the mistakes, do a healthy comparison of other students work and push to become better if not the best at this craft.

Writing Feedback / Task 1: The comparison of five favourite sports between two age groups of school aged boys [4]

Hi Maya, WELCOME to Essay Forum, I hope we will be able to provide you with necessary feedback to your analysis and it is helpful towards your revision. Please find my help below;

- sixteen is divided
- 2010 and is presented
- wasis ( mind your tenses ) a slight
- students joinedjoining in all
- swimming, it ( mind the punctuation marks ) - students from both groups

- Turning first to football and
- follower number of followers as a whole, - in the an other group.

- The remainedremaining three categories - showed a smallshort fall
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - color / contrary - idea ) , the amount

There you have it Maya, overall, the analysis is written in a way that it can be easily understood and a little modification will not hurt, I hope you follow through when you're doing the revision. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Task 1: The percentage of seven leisure activities; needlework not as popular as watching TV/DVDs [2]

Hi Ivan, WELCOME to Essay Forum, as I read your analysis, I must say that it is written fairly well, I say this because there is still a lot of work to be done in your essay, as you can see from the suggested modification above, I believe you have the idea in your head and the only difficult part is expressing it.

See, the thing with the English language writing is that you can never guess if it is the right combination, you have to make sure that it is the right combination and to attain this, you have to practice, practice and more practice. Dedication to the craft is a must, determination to get better is the way to go and this is easy to achieve when you put your heart into your writing.

I hope the insights help and you follow through with suggestions given by other contributors, they mean well for your essay and your development towards mastering the craft. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / How the extensive migration affects the world? [3]

Hi Elahe, here's a few additional insights from my side.

- is far from evenreaching throughout
- educational , employment
- addition, the wars and

- Firstly , immigrants
- For some,immigrationmigration is like performing
- suicide to be reborn
- in a new country;
- add to the problem
- them from communicationcommunicating
- and makingcreate a bond
- with the host country.

- for theon this opportunities
- it must share with the new population.

There you have it Elahe, I hope this helps in your revision.
Remember the linking verbs, they complete the sentences and they mean more when they are complete and this will help with the flow of the essay.

I wish to read your revised essay soon.

Writing Feedback / Solving for children concentrate in school [2]

Hi Melis, I would like to WELCOME you to Essay Forum, not a lot of internet users know that there is such a website that offers free essay editing help to writers and students alike, personally, I find this website very helpful to my practice and in sharing the English language to those who need it most.

Now, your writing needs a little more practice. I understand that this may not be an easy task, it never is, but with practice and determination, you will be able to get it right, when you do the revision of this essay, pay close attention to the following;

- the construction of the essay
- the paragraphs should have enough space from each other, this is in order to let the readers breath, understand and absorb the ideas depicted in your essay

- the verb forms you use should be in conjunction with your subject, remember subject verb agreement
- make sure that you have proof read it yourself first, if it's a draft its fine, post it and we will be able to help you out.

I hope to read the revised version soon.