justivy03
Apr 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some technologies are being used to control the movement and to facilitate the communication [2]
Hi Nur, below are my suggestions for your essay.
1st paragraph
- beca me a phenomenon.
-the communication.
- the society does not
- realiz e that they
- examineby consideringthe consideration between
-more merits than demerits
- assist in human activity.
- cameras and spy tools can - because allofthe activities
- are witnessed by the public.
- politicians or a candidate
-of presidentfor presidency will
- become a public
-All inOver all,
-It is evident that observing the people's activity will affect the unpleasant of environment.Spying on peoples activities will destroy someones privacy.
Nur, as you can see, I only corrected the first 2 paragraphs of the essay, this is to show how else to improve your essay and I hope it helps.
Hi Nur, below are my suggestions for your essay.
1st paragraph
- beca me a phenomenon.
-
- the society does not
- realiz e that they
- examine
-
- assist in human activity.
- cameras and spy tools can - because all
- are witnessed by the public.
- politicians or a candidate
-
- become a public
-
-
Nur, as you can see, I only corrected the first 2 paragraphs of the essay, this is to show how else to improve your essay and I hope it helps.