Writing Feedback / IELTS1: the percentage of rural, suburban populations in the Northwest Region between 1990 and 2050. [2]

Hai, let's start with your mistakes in using English terms. A century is equivalent to 100 years. 50 years is equivalent to half a century. Make sure you know the correct word usage before you use the term as the proper usage will increase your LR score while improper usage will tremendously decrease your LR score. If you are not sure of how to properly use a word, find an alternative for it. Since you are practicing for the test, use a dictionary to learn the meaning of the word before you use it. Memorize the meaning and use it when appropriate.

The graph shows the years of 1900, 1950, 2000, and 2050 as a projection. These are separate half century considerations and should not have been termed as "between 1990 and 2050". Rather, only the inclusive dates indicated in the graph should have been specifically mentioned. That is because a Task 1 essay requires factual analysis of actual data presented from the essay. So when specific information is provided, it must always be represented in the analysis report.

In your final paragraph, you mentioned:


Where did the figure for 35 out of 100 come from? There is no mention of this figure in the chart. Therefore, you are guessing and presenting information not based on the data you were provided with. This creates an inaccurate report and will affect your TA score. If the information is not clearly stated or implied in the chart, it should not be in your report either.

There is a lacking comparative analysis of the identical information for the population of the suburban and urban area in 1900 and 2050. That is something that is not indicated in your report, but, as part of the analytical presentation, could have increased your score because that would create a thorough analytical report on your end. Minute details that may be overlooked, as indicated in the chart will always help your score. Making up the information won't.

Graduate / Data has become the new gold standard; SOP for part time Data Science Masters [2]

Steve, I am not wowed by this essay because it is too descriptive in content. It also does not give me a clear idea about the purpose for your study even towards the end. The statement of purpose needs to hit the reader with the foundation for your purpose from the very first paragraph. Otherwise, you lose the interest of the reviewer. Since your foundation for this part time masters course is weak to a certain extent, I would opt to highlight some accomplishments and current research you are doing instead of going so in-depth into your self learning and on the job training (if it is on the job training).

The reviewer is more interested in the "Why" of your course interest instead of the chronological order of how your interest in the course developed. You should be highlighting the reasons why you are driven to study this course instead based upon your career accomplishments as presented in this essay. Personally, believe you should revise this essay. Use the following paragraphs for your revision: 2,3,4,5,6. These are the strongest and most relevant information you have presented in the essay.

Try to also explain why you feel that you can excel as a part time student in a masters course. This should relate to the course curriculum of the university you have chosen. If it is an online participation course, then explain why the set up is perfect for your professional needs. After you add that information, and you revise the aforementioned paragraphs in order to create a new SOP, the essay should be ready to use.

Writing Feedback / Do u think there were more advantages-disadvantages to be part of a large family in the past? IELTS2 [4]

Chrissanth, I have no idea what prompt you are responding to with this essay and whether or not you responded to it properly in your discussion. What I did notice in your essay is that all of your discussions are not properly developed. Rather than developing the reasons for your discussion in single paragraph topic format, which is the required format for the Task 2 essay discussion, you are merely rattling off talking points, none of which are supported with proper evidence. That is why you sound like you are just writing for the sake of writing and nothing more. You just wanted to get through the test without really knowing how to properly present your discussion. As such, I cannot say that you properly wrote the response discussion. Kindly remember to post the complete instructions / prompt for the essay the next time you come here for an evaluation of your writing skills. Thanks.

Writing Feedback / The paragraph in response to the topic: the disadvantages of being left-handed. [3]

Tung, the disadvantages of being left handed is not referred as "downsized" but rather "down sides". There are two sides to every discussion, the up-side and the down-side. You are talking about the down-side in this paragraph. is this supposed to be a one paragraph essay only? It somehow feels like it should not have ended where it should. You need to develop a closing sentence for it so that it is not presented as an open ended paragraph. Your last sentence about handshakes should reflect how the other cultures view left handed handshakes in order to create a better description of the culture or tradition you are discussing. Remember, you need to develop a closing sentence to wrap up the paragraph. This is not a closed paragraph. A closing sentence for this essay would be as follows:

Having presented these reasons, it is clear to see why there are definite disadvantages to being a left handed person in a right handed world.

Writing Feedback / Should universities apply business-like skills instead of providing theoretical knowledge? [4]

Quan, in addition to what Tran pointed out above, I would like to offer you a reminder when writing a direct response essay. You are never to address anything in the discussion except the opinion that you agree with. That is the standard discussion requirements of a Task 2 essay unless otherwise specified. Since you included an under developed opposing discussion, you turned the direct response into a compare and contrast discussion, which will have a direct effect on your final TA score.

It is also better to not count off the statements in your paragraph. This shows that you are not really confident of your discussions and you are trying to buy time in order to think of what to write. Instead of counting off, you should practice using transition sentences at the end of each paragraph. The transitions sentence should serve to introduce the next topic you will be discussing in the following paragraph. So the topic sentence sets up the discussion and introduction of the topic sentence which is located at the start of every paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Social and practical problems abroad without local language knowledge [5]

Thewin, try to avoid using the same phrases in the prompt restatement as was used in the original. Your lexical resource and ability to express yourself originally in the English language is first judged in the opening paraphrase. In addition to that, you also must ensure that you avoid writing overly long sentences or run-ons, as you did in the opening paragraph. Remember that there is a 3 sentence minimum for each paragraph. So the proper prompt restatement for this is:

A foreigner residing in a different country from his own is believed to suffer several types of adjustment problems pertaining to culture and everyday interactions. This is because he would not be fluent in the native language of the country and as such, would be hindered in his dealings with the locals. I completely agree with this statement based on a few considerations.

When you divide your sentences into short presentations such as the one above, you have a chance to better explain yourself / make yourself understood because each sentence has only one topic / subject for discussion. However, when combined into the paragraph, it creates a complete thought process, which is the basis of the coherence and cohesiveness scoring for the essay. The short presentations also make it clear to the examiner that you not only understood what the topic is about, but also how to discuss it. This increases your TA score immensely as well.

You definitely show a problem in sentence structure and grammar usage in your essay. For example, you cannot say :


Been connotes something that happened in the past yet you are talking about the present. Therefore, you will be scored down in the GRA section as well because of the improper sentence development. Not only that, but this paragraph in particular was extremely difficult to understand due to improper sentence structure, incoherent statements, and problematic grammar use. Therefore, this section of your essay alone is enough basis for you to not get a passing score for this test. The proper sentence presentation should have been:

It can make a person's life difficult in ...

BTW, the default gender in American writing is male the pronoun. So you can use "I, he, him" in reference to the gender. If you want to be gender non-specific though, you may use the terms "them, they" or not mention any gender at all. As an English beginner though, you will do best to stick to the male pronouns when writing. You can go into the more complex gender references as you improve your English writing skills.

As for your conclusion. One run on sentence as presented above, though complete in summary of the discussion, will pull down your score because each topic for discussion must be presented in the summary as a stand alone sentence. This is considered to be another prompt paraphrase presentation so it should still follow the sentence requirement of 3-5 sentences per paragraph in order to garner a better overall scoring consideration.

Writing Feedback / (GRE) Is it necessary for people questioning the authority? [4]

For starters, essays of these kind, analytical essays, do not always have to agree with a given statement. It can be in disagreement if that is the side that the writer wishes to support. Just make sure that you are not disagreeing simply for the sake of disagreeing. Remember, this type of essay is based on public opinion rather personal bias. The personal opinion must be supported by logic and reasoning. Therefore, to write the essay, without referring to the public discourse about the topic will cause an essay to fail.

The GRE is a more complicated English test than the IELTS and TOEFL. It has specific formats and expectations far removed from the way an IELTS or TOEFL is set up because the GRE test is meant for foreign college graduates wishing to enroll in graduate study courses in the United States. Thus it is a separate and highly different test from the TOEFL which is used mostly for assessing college entry level foreign students enrolling in America.

Essays / Some inquiries about university essay. [3]

Hi Tran, nice to have you back. In response to your question, the "purpose" of your application to the university refers to your academic goals for applying for admission to this particular course? Why did you apply to Korea University? If you are applying as a college student, then consider what your reasons for entering college are. What is your chosen major? What subjects does the university offer which you feel will help you become an expert in that field even if you are only a college graduate? What training programs, learning opportunities, and academic interests do you have which you believe you can further develop at the university? How will the university respond to it? The purpose of your enrolling in the university is to first and foremost, get an education. What kind of education you are hoping to pursue at Korea University is what you should be able to explain clearly to the reviewer in your response.

Writing Feedback / Drunken Irony | A Literary Criticism of "The Drunkard" by Frank O'Connor and its underlying irony | [2]

Alex, it would be better if you present the types of irony within the story in a chronological manner. That is, reverse the presentation so that you start the discussion at the beginning of the essay, working your way to the end. That way, even if the person reading your essay has not read the story, he will somehow, get a clear idea of what the story is about and how it progressed. It isn't always a good idea to start an analytical essay in reverse because it becomes extremely difficult for the reader to keep track of your story presentation.

You may want to consider showing the various types of themes that were presented in the story in relation to the irony discussion. The themes of apprehension, fear, pride, gossip, control, temptation, curiosity, helplessness, alcoholism and trust all tie in to the various irony insights that you provided for the story. It will help remove the redundancy of the discussion as well. It will help to break up the monotony and also show the teacher that you delved deeper into the story presentation and truly analyzed the content in order to create a very cohesive and coherent discussion of the various irony focus points in the story.

Don't forget to run a grammar checker on your essay before you submit it, you have a few improper sentence structures and presentations in the essay at the moment. I won't point those out right now though because you may still decide to edit the paper for content based on the provided suggestions.

Writing Feedback / (GRE) Is it necessary for people questioning the authority? [4]

Jihun, the score for this GRE essay will not be higher than a 2 because you totally disregarded the discussion instructions. The aim of this essay is to have you provide a response that either agrees or disagrees with the statement you were provided. Since you were asked to agree or disagree with the statement and provide supporting reasons, as well as present counter arguments to weaken any opposing point of view, based on analytical reasoning, you did not properly develop the response essay. What should have been an analytical and logical analysis was instead written from a personal perspective / point of view. Which is not what the GRE test is all about.

It is important that you provide a clear thesis statement based upon the given instructions in your opening statement. Since you neither agreed nor disagreed with the discussion points provided, and your reasoning was not aligned with the original prompt information, your whole response to the essay became irrelevant and seriously flawed.

Writing Feedback / Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow them to do whatever they want [3]

Tran, I like the way that you presented your ideas in this essay. You should have expanded upon your opening paraphrase by at least 1-3 more sentences to create a better showcase of your English comprehension skills though. There are also a few problems with regards to proper paragraph development that made paragraphs 2 and 3 not as effective a presentation as it should have been. Let me explain why this happened.

In paragraph 2, you need to better explain why not refusing every request from a child forms a bad habit. How does giving a 5 year old a smart phone begin to create a bad habit of a child? What does this evolve into as the child gets older? There should be at 2 more sentences added to better explain the meaning of your example.

In paragraph 3, you have too many topics for discussion presented when the required topic per paragraph discussion is only 1. Had you chosen to discuss how they become disobedient when their wants and caprices are refused by the parents only, you would have been able to present a strong, though short, but informative paragraph.

Your concluding statement is also lacking in discussion presentation. Since it is only 2 sentences long, it is an open ended presentation You need to properly summarize the discussion topics and consequences presented in that statement. You have a good summary topic sentence at the start, but the later summary is incomplete.

Try to utilize more transition sentences in your paragraph presentations from one paragraph to the next in order to help the cohesiveness and coherence scoring of your essay. Your presentations are abrupt and do not really represent an interconnected body of discussions. The next paragraph just hits the reader in the face, which makes it a bit difficult to keep track of the provided discussions.

Improve on the points a I mentioned in your next essay and you should see a big difference in your presentation styles that can help you get a better overall score in the future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1- chart of frequency of eating at fast food restaurants [2]

Joey, this is a very weak analytical report based on the chart you were provided. Several presentation problems occurred that resulted in this failed summarized report. These include lack of appropriate data in your presentation, comparison analysis, a proper trending statement, and a clear lack of grammar control when it comes to sentence development. Therefore, this essay will most likely not receive a passing score when it comes to the actual test.

The first paragraph is the prompt paraphrase. For this essay, you need to present:
1. The topic
2. The type of graph - this is not a chart, this is a bar graph
3. Measurements used- percentages
4. Inclusive comparison dates - 2003,2006,2013
5. Trending statement

The above information would have helped you to create an accurate and properly representative paraphrase of the given information.

Next, your paragraphs need to have a uniform number of required sentences in order to gain proper C&C scoring potential. Your sentences that have only 1 or 2 sentences in it do not really convey a clear explanation of the information being presented. The minimum sentence requirement for coherence purposes is 3 with a maximum of 5. 5 sentences shows clarity in the presentation to the utmost extent.

As for your data presentation, you were given the measurements in terms of years and percentages, You need to have used all the percentage references in the yearly presentation and comparison because these are the most important and required information for your report analysis. Leaving out the digits means you are not accurately informing the reader. You need to show the up and down trends in the graph by making references to the percentage measurements per data consideration, per year. So the 3 sentence presentation is:

1. Topic sentence / data consideration
2. Year of analysis
3. percentage of measurement
4. data analysis from your understanding. (Use third person perspective)

Try to write up to 200 words for this type of essay in order to gain the best possible scoring considerations all around. Also, work on your grammar as you have a problem using the correct English words. A specific example of this problem are as follows:


- There is no pretending here because the information is based on factual collated information from a reputable source. Declare the facts as presented in the graph. Make no assumptions because that is when you make mistakes in your presentation of information.


- What is camp referring to?


- You mean, "different from other trends" or "Differing from other trends".
- This shows where your problem with lexical resources will cause you to fail this exam.

Writing Feedback / Protect From Cyber Attackers [2]

Jong, your first paragraph makes absolutely no sense because of the lack of proper connecting words, transitional words, and a working thesis statement. You need to review the grammar in that paragraph and decide what it is that you want to say. Consulting with an English native speaker will help you achieve a clarity in your statement that you have a difficult time achieving as an ESL.

Your second paragraph is confusing to read because you do not really explain the suggestions you are making in a concise manner. Try to divide the 3 suggestions into 3 separate paragraph topics instead. It is important that you clearly explain the root or basis for the suggestion based on how it is used, how effectively phishers and hackers use the system, and the correct methods to avoid each trap. Right now, you are only delivering information about the hack, but not really informing the reader about how to avoid it in a clear manner. Expand your explanations for each suggested solution on a per paragraph basis.

Writing Feedback / Writing on working skills standard [2]

I am not really sure what it is that you want help with in regards to this presentation. If it is only simple grammar checking and correction, MS Word and online free grammar checking tools can help you do that. If it is about the content of the document, I can tell you that the statements you made are too short to be considered an informative sentence. Each objective presented needs to be supported by a definition and example presentation in order to help the reader better understand the meaning of your words.

These sentences all seem to start in the middle of the presentation rather than the start. Which is what to me, makes this presentation difficult to read, understand, and keep track of. There are no transition sentences towards the end of the presentations that could better prepare the reader for the next objective presentation. For example:

A is important because of... This culminates in a better response to B.

Then the next skill explanation could say:

B responds better to A because B ...

By clearly defining the present discussion in preparation for the next presentation, the definition and examples gain clarity and allow the reader to expect the next set of information.

Writing Feedback / Human activities has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. [3]

Bhat, you treated this compare and contrast essay, with a personal opinion statement as a direct question essay. This turned the essay into a personal opinion declaration only. So you can expect to only get a partial score on this essay. The prompt requirement clearly states "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion". Therefore, this is a 5 paragraph essay composed of:

1. Prompt restatement with thesis presentation at the end;
2. First point of view with only 1 topic presented with justification / example;
3. 2nd point of view also with 1 topic and justification
4. Personal opinion with justification
5. Summary statement.

Your thesis statement was a direct response to the question being asked. It would have been a proper response for a direct question essay but not for a discussion essay. The proper thesis statement for this is similar to:

The human undertakings have been showing detrimental results upon the flora and fauna kingdom. While there is a belief that these effects can be altered, some believe that it is unchangeable. In this presentation, both points of view will be presented along with my personal opinion which will support the public belief that I believe to be true.

Consider that there are 2 points of view to be discussed before your personal opinion and you will see how your presentation is in error. You use the term "we" which connotes a personal opinion based on a public perception. In this essay, discussing the 2 points of view should be done in the 3rd person perspective with only your personal opinion being presented from the first person POV.

These are no doubt unknown errors in your part which need to be corrected in your next essay. Remember that the essay must always refer to the instructions required. Use ownership statements that make it clear to the reader that you are presenting a public point of view and not a personal one. Read the examples here in order to learn how to properly refer to the various points of view in the paragraphs. It isn't hard. My suggestion is to say phrases like:

"Some groups say"

"Others believe that"

"Referring to the point of view of"

These are just some of the terms you can use to refer to the 3rd person reference.

You really developed a good essay. The problem is just the presentation. The presentation will pull down your TA score because of the lack of 2 point of view presentation. Always remember to double check your statement against the original instructions. Make sure that keyword references are included that make the point of view discussion clear to the examiner is included. Don't forget to use transitional sentences at the end of each paragraph to connect each essay for the improvement of your C&C and GRA scores as well.

Writing Feedback / We don't have a close relationship with neighbors nowadays. Why and how can we improve this contact? [2]

S0341039 , this is a direct question essay. Therefore, you cannot close the thesis statement paragraph with a question. You need to close it with a direct response to the question. Additionally, you also need to provide a linking sentence at the end of the thesis statement in order to introduce the next paragraph topic. I noticed that your essay is weak with regards to the use of linking devices in the essay. All of your paragraphs lack an interconnection that would help the reader understand the connection or relevance of the preceding discussion with the present discussion. Since this is a direct question essay, you must make sure that all of your response interconnect in your presentation for clarity and coherence purposes. Speaking of paragraphs, you also made a few errors in your paragraph presentation.

You must remember that the 5 sentence maximum per paragraph is also being implemented in this type of essay. You often write more than 5 sentences, have more than 1 idea presented for the discussion, and there is no topic sentence to clue in the reader as to what the paragraph will be about at the start of it. Remember, the linking sentence and the topic sentence need to support each other in order to provide clarity and cohesiveness in the discussion. I believe that if you can improve your linking device use, you will be able to present better direct essay discussions. Don't forget, a direct question essay still needs to follow the 5 paragraph format in order to create a better scoring potential for you in the GRA section. The more you can write a mix of simple and complex sentences within 5 paragraphs, the better your score will be. Lexically speaking, you know enough English words to get your thoughts across. Though it is not fluently written in English, you can be considered an intermediate learner at this point.

By the way, the concluding paragraph you wrote needs to be more inclusive of the previous information in a summary form in order to be considered a proper closing statement. You did not really utilize the summarized information in this instance so it feels like the ending was rushed and lacking in presentation.

Writing Feedback / Unhealthy activities that most people do and how to change them. [4]

Jea, you are not being asked for examples of the bad habits of people and what causes them to do these harmful activities. This is a direct question essay that asks you why you think people engage in bad activities in relation to their health and how it can be changed. As the question has a generalized tone, being specific to a few bad habits in your discussion runs counter to the original thesis statement.

The more appropriate tone for this discussion would be general as well. A discussion that doesn't focus on specific illnesses or bad habits which can be discussed in general. For example. For the part asking why you think people do these then the thesis statement for this essay should be indicative of the "Why" and " how to change" discussion. So the thesis statement should appear as follows:

I think that people do engage in unhealthy activities because of a weak personality. Therefore, strengthening their personal resolve to follow what they know to be right for their health is a possible solution to this problem.

Remember, you are not being asked what you "believe", you are being asked what you "think". There is a difference between the two words that alters the discussion perception when presented to the reader. The body paragraphs should represent the following discussions:

1. Why do you think that a weak personality causes the problem.
2. An example that illustrates your line of thinking. (Use one general example for this such as heart disease. )
3. How can it be changed?

You need not mention you are a healthcare professional. That does not have any bearing on this case because you did not use a patient case as an example in the text. The examiner could care less about what your profession is. If you want to mention your profession, then use an example that will tie into the discussion.

While your discussion is informative, it really veers off tangent in the first few paragraphs and doesn't come back into the proper discussion until the 4th paragraph. You should not use and "in addition" reference if you have already presented a possible solution. You should be working on the closing summary of your discussion instead. Remember, the 5th paragraph needs to be a concluding summary and nothing more.

Writing Feedback / Life of people in modern world is much easier than in the past. Discuss both views give your opinion [3]

Nguyen, your total approach to this essay would be considered only partially correct in an actual test setting. this is due to the lack of proper discussion documentation on your part. The opening paraphrase is lacking in informative elements, and your 2 body paragraph discussion is improperly formatted as it does not present all of the required information for the given text.

The opening paraphrase needs to be a proper representation of all the required discussion parameters. Make sure that you always represent the key information in your restatement as this proves that you understood what the original prompt is talking about. For this topic, a more suggested prompt paraphrase is as follows:

While life is deemed to be effortless for us in the current technologically advanced era, there are people who have come to question whether this is a good or bad thing. Some people view life in the past as being simpler and uncomplicated when compared with today's world. In this essay, a comparison of both points of views will be done prior to my presentation of my personal opinion.

A proper paraphrase will represent the 2 points of view as part of the thesis statement as we all stating it within the introduction sentences of the paragraph. That way, a discussion outline of the topics in the body of paragraphs will be properly represented and can be used by you, as the writer, as a guide in your discussion development.

Now, because body paragraphs did not properly present the public point of view for the 2 points of view paragraph, the total discussion comes across as being only from one point of view, the personal one. Signal phrases such as "There are a group of people who believe that" or "The point of view that supports..." help to clarify that the point of view of the author is not yet represented. That the all too important general discussion is still being referred to in the paragraph means that you are presenting a clear discussion of one point of view. However, because you have multiple topics indicated per paragraph, you do not really represent a developed discussion for your reasons. Rather, you are only providing topic sentences, sans a real supporting discussion for the POV presented.

A properly developed paragraph has only one topic sentence at the start and uses reasoning and examples presented in no more than 5 sentences to support the given POV. In this instance, you presented several reasons per paragraph, but it lacks proper discussion presentations to be effective. The correct discussion here would be:

Par. 2 - First reason with supporting data and example
Par. 3 - Second reason with supporting data and example
Par. 4 - Personal POV (based on the public reasoning you support) with a personal experience example

Do you see why your essay will be deemed to be only partially correct ? You cannot simply say


to represent your personal point of view. A personal point of view is never used as a concluding paragraph because that creates an open ended essay rather than a closed essay. A closed essay recaps the previous information and thesis statement as a summary presentation of the discussion. That is the information required for a proper closing summary.

Writing Feedback / The shares of six age groups of both sexes who did exercises frequently in 2010 in Australia [3]

Kelsie, your summary overview is incomplete. This is always presented in at least a 3 sentence format. You only have 2 sentences that does not really depict an overview of the graph information and analysis instructions. So this is going to end up costing you points deductions because your quick summary does not fully inform the reader.

Aside from reviewing your summary overview, I cannot really delve deeper into a review of your analysis report because you did not include the bar graph in your upload. You have to include that in order to help us give you a more accurate review of your essay. By seeing the image we can tell what you did right, what you did wrong, and where you need to improve in your writing skills. Without it, an accurate measurement of your ability to pass the test cannot be made. Please make sure to upload the image with your next essay so that you can get the full benefit of being a member of this forum.

Writing Feedback / The tradition that family gets together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? impact? [2]

Tuan, this is a direct reasoning essay. It is not a comparison essay based upon the original prompt instructions. However, you chose to discuss this as a comparison essay. That means, your essay will only be partially correct in responding to the prompt. The prompt clearly indicates that there are only 2 questions to be responded to in this essay which are:

1. Reasons
2. Impacts

While you did respond to the questions, you did so in such a minimal way, throwing in multiple reasons into one paragraph when the per paragraph instruction for the Task 2 essay is always one topic per paragraph. So you should have spread out the reasons into 2 paragraphs. You do not need to present many reasons, only 2 reasons that will help illustrate your response. The third paragraph should have been used for the impact discussion. So the outline should have been:

1. Heavy workload
2. Low Wages
3. Negative impact of the 2 reasons

I noticed that you did research for this paper by referring to a study from Cambridge University. Avoid doing research during your practice tests as the testing center will have their computers locked down to only LAN access. You cannot access the internet so you will not be able to do research. If you want to score higher in this, or any other task 2 essay, use personal experience instead. Does your family not eat meals together? How do you feel about that? What is its impact on your family life? Showing a personal connection tells the examiner that you have a deep understanding of the topic provided and he will score you higher on the TA section of the test because of it.

Your conclusion is inaccurate. You are not really offering a proper summary of the discussion since this is just a long sentence that does not relate to the previous discussions. You need to create a proper summary of the preceding discussion with a restatement of the prompt thesis from your original paraphrase in order to properly summarize and close the discussion for this essay.

Writing Feedback / The two maps show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010. Summarise the information. [2]

Tuan, several errors are present in your analytical report. There is a lack of comparison discussion for certain aspects, there is an error in your dating comparison, and you have not really reported on the main features, in a comparison format within the page. There is also a lack of proper trending statement as part of the prompt overview.

For the prompt overview, I suggest taking the following approach to create a better worded and more accurate summary overview:

aps that represent changes to a hospital in the years 2007 and 2010 respectively are provided for comparison in this essay. The maps from both years indicate significant changes to the road format and parking locations in relation to the hospital facilities. Overall, marked changes were made to the physical location of the hospital by the year 2010. This essay will present these differences and offer comparison whenever possible.

Remember that the summary overview needs to indicate the following specific information:

1. Image provided
2.Topic for discussion
3. Instructions for the discussion
4. Trending statement

Now, how you present the information in the paragraph is up to you. The outline above only indicates the information that you must represent to create a proper summary of information presentation. This helps you to create the remaining 3 paragraph discussion for the essay. As a Task 1 essay, this does not require a conclusion paragraph and is expected to be only 4 paragraphs long.

For the 3 paragraph analysis, you should have divided your second paragraph presentation into 3 parts:

1. Description of the 2007 set up
2. Description of the 2010 set up
3. Comparison discussion of the bus stop and roundabout. These were not there in 2007 but was included in the 2010 changes.

Try to be more analytical in your presentation. Look for small changes that may have been overlooked in your first scan of the image. Try to outline the information before you start to draft your essay. After quickly writing your first draft, look at the image again. Compare what you wrote to the image and insert any information you missed or change information that might have been misworded.

Your GRA score may be adversely affected by your English sentence problems that exist throughout the essay. More sentence development exercises are required on your part in order to improve your tense usage and sentence structure presentation. These errors create a question of clarity that could also lower the C&C score for your essay. A clear example of this problem is


This sentence must have a connecting word in the middle in order to connect the bus stop to the city road and roundabouts. Here, the connecting word is "now" as in "bus stops are now connected..."

Writing Feedback / Sharing information in scientific research, business and academic field for free or not [2]

@uou3456 There is a lack of clarity in your presentation. The prompt for this essay requires 3 points of view to be represented namely the supporting point of view, contradicting point of view, and your personal point of view. Due to the lack of ownership in your statement for the first two paragraphs, by the use of the word "we", this comparison and personal opinion essay was turned into a personal point of view essay. This is where the lack of clarity in reference to the discussions presented comes in.

Each paragraph must be consistent with the paragraph requirements / outline of the given prompt. That means, the topic sentence per paragraph needs to use reference terms such as:

With regards to the point of view that prefers open sharing of information...

However, those that oppose this reason believe that there is a good reason to consider secrecy when it come to this information because...

After careful consideration of both discussions, my opinion is that...

Always be clear in referencing whose point of view you are presenting so that you will not get a partial scoring for the essay. The partial scoring of the TA section of the essay happens when the examiner feels that, upon close reading of your presentation, you did not satisfy the full essay discussion requirements. Reading this essay from that point of view, I can tell you that the actual examiner will decide the same thing.

Writing Feedback / The question whether the children should read stories themselves or with a help from parents [2]

Linh, since this essay only has 233 words in it. There is no way this will get a passing score because the mandatory minimum word requirement for the discussion of a Task 2 essay is 250 words. You will receive an extreme points deduction for the TA and C&C section because of the clear under developed discussion presentation per paragraph.

Once you score lowly in those 2 sections, the remaining sections will not be able to pull up the remaining scoring considerations. That is why there is a 5 paragraph requirement for the essay. By writing 5 paragraphs at 5 sentences each, the student will always meet the minimum word requirement and at least, get a decent score in the TA section if not in the remaining scoring considerations.

Now, since you forgot to provide the complete original prompt instructions for this essay, I am also unable to properly review and comments on your current presentation. The essay may sound right to me as a reader, but, without knowing what the actual discussion points and outline for this essay is, I cannot really say that you did a good job and properly addressed all of the instruction requirements. Please remember to post the discussion prompt in its entirety within the text box the next time you post an essay for review here. Should you wish to have your essay reviewed properly that is.

Writing Feedback / It is argued that besides making the profit, companies also have responsibilities toward society [2]

Nguyen, your essay has a throw away, meaning, an irrelevant discussion in the second paragraph. You used that paragraph as a word filler to meet the word count without considering whether it is relevant to the discussion or not. Thus, your second paragraph is not really useful because it was merely a second opening statement in your essay. There can only be one opening statement in the Task 2 essay and that is, the opening paraphrase.

The next 3 paragraphs should be presenting reasons that support your point of view as this is, according to the prompt that you provided, a single point of view essay discussion. When asked if you "agree OR disagree", that question indicates a single response to the given topic. There is absolutely no way you can both agree and disagree with a given opinion. That indicates indecisiveness and a lack of confidence in your knowledge of the discussion. That means you will only get partial scoring for the TA section because you presented 2 points of view, rather than simply defending one point of view in the essay.

While your 3rd paragraph was good. it was under developed in presentation. Had you used the line of reasoning you presented in paragraph 3 by dividing those into properly explained and example supported body paragraphs, you would have come across with a far higher scoring essay discussion than what you have now. The 3 social responsibility topics for the body paragraph would have been:

1. Production process causes pollution
2. Need for the company to recycle their waste products
3. Nature preservation

The 3 topics for the body paragraphs could have been better expanded in presentation and explanation, thus allowing you to show off more of your English vocabulary and GRA skills, which could have further boosted your final score as well.

Writing Feedback / Children whose both working parents should be taken care of by grandparents or childcare center [3]

Lyralei, the biggest problem with your essay is that you did not properly outline the discussion in order to show how the paragraphs will be presented. From the way that you presented your thesis statement, you turned a comparison with personal point of view essay into a mere personal point of view essay. That is not what the prompt instructed. The proper outline and thesis statement for this essay should be along the lines of:

These days, families have both parents earning an income, even as they try to raise their children. This has caused 2 separate belief systems in child rearing. The first, is that grandparents should be engaged in the care of their grandchildren and the other, is that children should be placed in child care in order to receive proper child care. In this essay, a discussion of both points view will be presented, along with my personal point of view on the matter.

For the parents who believe that grandparents should help raise the children...

However, when a child is placed in childcare services....

My opinion is that...

To sum up the discussion...

When the discussion covers a few points of view in one essay, it will always be better for your C&C score to create clear discussion formats. The discussion format should indicate which opinion is being discussed by the writer so that the method discussion, as indicated in the original prompt can be clearly defined and properly scored by the examiner.

Your discussion was good, just not properly defined. Which is why it seemed like you were mostly discussing your point of view alone rather than discussing using the given outline. These essays are always 5 paragraph in format due to the provided outlines in the original prompt. There is no more or less in the paragraph presentation. The 5 paragraph essay is the preset standard for the Task 2 IELTS test and that is often laid out based on the original prompt presentation. The 3 body paragraph for discussion is always provided in it. In this case, the 3 paragraphs for the body was composed of:

1. Grandparents discussion
2. Childcare Discussion
3. Personal Opinion.

The 3 body paragraph topics for discussion, that completes the 5 paragraph discussion is always indicated in the prompt. You just have to learn how to recognized the provided discussion points in the original prompt.

Writing Feedback / How Well Do You Think Standardized Tests Measure Student's Abilities? [3]

Kim, is this essay for a practice lesson in English or is it for an IELTS test? You should have provided the complete prompt for the discussion so that a proper review of your work could be completed. As of now, only a partial review can be made due to lack of review guiding factors. For starters, the word "But" is a connecting word. Therefore, in an academic essay, it is not used to start a proper sentence. Rather, it should be used to connect 2 related ideas in one sentence. So when you use the word "but", do not use a period. That is more properly used with a well placed comma in a sentence to show a continuity of though. Avoid constantly using the word though as it could get out hand and turn a long sentence into a run-on sentence, creating points deductions in the GRA section in the process. The personal opinion should not be included as a one sentence presentation at the end either. Always present that, whether it be in an academic essay or a common written presentation, as a stand alone paragraph that is more properly developed using reasoning and examples to help depict your support for a particular statement.

Writing Feedback / What is the most effective method of dealing with the rising crime rate, prison? Ielts task2 [3]

Minh, post the complete prompt next time in order to receive more accurate reviews of your work. At this point, I am not sure if this is a direct question essay or an opinion essay. Posting the complete prompt instructions would have helped me decipher that in order to give you more specific advice regarding how to complete your work. As of now, all I can say is, you are showing that you do not know how to edit your sentences nor check for proper spelling because of the mistakes in your grammar and spelling. You need to make sure that you have proper sentence structures, grammar presentations, and spelling in order to avoid severe points deductions on the LR and GRA scoring sections.

When you provide examples, you need to inform the reader as to the background of the example provided. Otherwise, it will seem like you just made up the information. The example you used here is incomplete and makes me wonder if this is a truth based on personal experience or you were just trying to fulfill a prompt requirement. Again, if the prompt were provided, I would have been able to assess that part for accuracy and relevance.

Without the prompt requirement, I can say that you wrote an informative essay. Whether it truly delivered the required discussion is another thing. I will not say that you provided a proper essay discussion because I am not clear on the instructions for the discussion. All you provided was the topic and partial discussion instruction, which does not help very much in terms of proper work assessment on your essay.

Undergraduate / What Makes Me Different? - My personal statement for American Honors [2]

Kieu, the information in this essay does not make you different. It makes you ordinary. Just like all the other applicants for this scholarship. You have not made a stand out statement regarding something that is unique to your personality. What makes you special is a question that asks, what makes you a stand out person? It could be an activity or a talent / skill, or even, just a sense of responsibility or empathy for others. Your essay needs allow the reviewer to discover something about you that is different from other students.

For example, you were accelerated as a student to a higher level due to your higher academic requirements and abilities. Or, you participated as a representative in a government program for selected students. Even, being allowed to say, help in community service at a level beyond your age at the time of your participation. Those are examples of things that make you unique and by definition, different, as a person. The response should not be a summary of your background and ordinary everyday extra curricular and club activities. That is something you share will 100% of the applicants. It won't make you memorable in the eyes of the reviewer.

You will need to write a new essay after you have analyzed who you are, what your special activities have been, and what you academic, social, and personal accomplishments are that some people might think would make you a different kind of applicant.

Graduate / Why I wish to study in Canada and what is my educational goal? Master of Global Management program [5]

Sultan, for question number one, the response you gave sounds more to me like you just read the brochure and your acceptance letter and then formulated your response. Your answer is very generic and not really specific in terms of the reasons why you chose to study in Canada and this university. This question has a 2 pronged response. The first is why you chose to study in Canada, based on the professional goals that you have. The explanation to that should tie in with your desire to gain work experience in a global conglomerate or any sort of experience that will help you gain hands on skill that can be used for knowledge transfer once you return to your home country. Foe the educational aspect, one factor that always catches the eye of the reviewer is when the student can prove that there is Canadian influence in the business sector that he works in within his home country. So, if you are working for a Canadian based company or, if your company has Canadian partners, that line of reasoning will be highly effective in explaining why you chose to study in a Canadian school. Then you can relate the specific programs in the course that is of definite use in your line of work and why these will be useful to your as a professional upon graduation. By using the 2 prong approach in explaining your study in Canada reasons, you will be able to better highlight your already existing skills and work relationships that can deed the interest of the reviewer when considering your application.

Your response to the second question is too expansive. Too much information that no longer relates to the question being asked. There is no need to give a run down of your previous educational experience nor do you need to go to so far as to explain your PhD goals. The overall educational goals should be connected only to the educational goals that connect with the course you will be studying at the university. When they ask about the educational goal, they are actually requiring you to present a career plan covering about 6 months to 5 years. This is the period of time when the masters degree education you received will still be relevant to your profession. After 5 years, the PhD will already be required for your next phase of career progression. At that stage, your MS will not be as applicable as you think anymore. You can start your revised response to this section at the point where you said:


Then you can proceed to discuss how you see some specific training that you will be receiving from the university in achieving that. For example, exchange programs, internships, study grants, these all add up to the educational goal that you have in mind. You speak of world class training and facilities, so the educational goal should represent how you plan to use those course trainings and practical experience to achieve your educational goal. Think of your educational objective and work your essay around the development of that idea on your part. Close it with a statement that includes your desire to achieve a PhD in a few years.

Writing Feedback / Is it possible to become a truly successful person without a natural strong talent? [3]

Huy, since you did not provide the correct prompt for the topic in your essay, I will be unable to properly assess and score your essay. It is this sort of negligence on the part of the exam taker that often leads to a failing test score. This test will actually get you a score 1 on both the TA and C&C sections. That is because your essay did not respond to the prompt at all and resulted in a failure for you to discuss the correct message within the essay. At this point, one would be led to surmise that the rest of the scoring considerations will also be failing on your part because of the prompt deviation you created.

Be very careful and always, double check the prompt in relation to your response. Make sure that the two always match otherwise, you end up with this type of essay and score. Had you taken care to examine the prompt against your writing, you would have seen that you had the wrong response indicated. If you leave a few minutes for editing your essay, you could have revised the content to become more prompt responsive. The problem is that you were careless and you only wanted to get over with the practice test as soon as you could. Which is why you failed to see the wrong argument that you presented in the essay.

Writing Feedback / Do we need to require sport in school curriculum? [3]

Kim, since you failed to provide the complete prompt instructions for us to consider your writing on, I will only focus my advice on the obvious content errors of your work. One of the basis of the Task 2 essay is your ability to use popular information, without required research. Your familiarity with the topic is seen by your ability to generate an analysis of the given topic, based on personal knowledge or experience.

While this is an academic essay, it is not an academic research essay. Therefore, you cannot refer to vague results of studies or references to illnesses that might be helped by playing sports. These are information that require in-text citation and as such, will create problems regarding the validity of the information you are presenting. General information that is well known is always the best presentation to make in these instances.

Don't overcomplicate the essay by referring to studies and doctor encouragement. Doctor's encourage people to do many things in relation to various health aspects, not just diabetes. So keep your references general in order to be more effective. If the prompt allows you to, use personal experience or knowledge to strengthen the discussion.

Let me end this discussion by reminding you that in order to gain more valuable and insightful advice regarding the improvement of your essay writing skills, you need to provide us with a copy of the original instructions. Post it in the text box next time and I will be sure to give you the best and most relevant advice to help you improve your essay writing skills.

Graduate / Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement; MS in Business Analytics SOP [2]

Namrata, the essay is too full of information. It takes a tremendously long time to read, decipher, and analyze all of the given information in your essay. There are even some instances when the reviewer might question the validity of your claims due to its lack of proper information presentation. You need to cut down this essay in a manner that will highlight your abilities as a professional, represent your academic needs in relation to your profession, and then culminate in the kind of educational experience you hope to achieve as a student.

For starters, you need to stop bragging about how you got your job in the essay. You may brag, but limit it to only one sentence. For example, you can say "Having graduated magna cum laude from my class, I was immediately snapped up for employment by...". You can also say that "My accomplishments caught the eye of XXX to offered me the chance to come work for them..." You need to brag with a purpose, not just keep bragging in the paragraphs without proof. Each time you say that you received several awards, you need to say what those awards are and why it is important to the profession. Don't waste your time giving a job description in the paragraphs, the reviewer is going to be familiar with that. Instead, explain what accomplishments you made which led to the awards and recognitions. Forget the pat on the back. That doesn't mean zilch. You can get a pat on the back as a simple act of encouragement. It doesn't necessarily relate to a job well done. Highlight your job acquired skills in relation to your desire for higher study.

Explain what your career plans are that require higher education. What position do you envision yourself achieving in say, 5 years? Why do you believe that achieving this position is important to your career path? What is your endgame?

You need to better paragraph your discussion topics. Make the university discussion a stand alone paragraph that does not enumerate the classes you will be taking. Instead, discuss how you plan to use these classes to advance your learning. Which classes in particular are of interest to you? Why? How about the training experience? What sort of programs do you look forward to participating in at the university? How does that participation help to enhance your abilities as a future, higher ranking professional? Don't say "It will cultivate". The better wording would be along the lines of "By participating in these classes, I expect to enhance my interests in..." Such sentence presentations show that you have high expectations for these class participations of yours and as such, you will not suddenly drop out of the class as some masters students are prone to do.

It was a nice touch closing the essay with a mention of how you hope to help enhance the class experience. That works well towards increasing the diversity aspect of the university program. Keep that idea, but make it shorter. Overall, the essay has potential but comes across as too wordy. The reviewer may end up losing interest in what you have to say by the end of the first paragraph because your essay is so long winded, it becomes extremely difficult to read and remember. Remember, too little technical information is bad, too much information technical information is even worse because the reviewer will tend to not remember anything at all about your essay. It will cease to "pop" off the page.

Writing Feedback / 'Religion and Global Perspective' - Semester at Sea Application Essay [2]

Truth be told the first 2 paragraphs of your essay is all fluff. Lots of words, beautiful words, but it doesn't really jump off the page in terms of relating to a prompt response. Rather, the last 2 paragraphs that you wrote would be the better basis for a revised essay. You may use the last 2 paragraphs to open the revised essay instead.

You need to explain more about your current global perspective in relation to religion and why your time spent in India will benefit from pursuing religious studies. Present a simplified study plan of which religions in particular interest you, why it interests you, and how you plan to pursue further learning exposure to those religions. What will you do? Will you visit temples? Speak to the religious elders? Join a religious pilgrimage? How exactly do you hope to develop your awareness?

The current content of your essay is so vague that it can be considered nothing more than word fillers. The fluff does not do anything to help advance your presentation nor explanation. So if I were you, I would try to develop an essay that better explains your global perspective and how you plan to pursue it. Try to present an interesting, practical, and doable exposure immersion combined with a perspective increasing study plan.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - eating local food or food from other regions [4]

Lois, I believe that your essay has the right discussion intentions but unfortunately, it doesn't really match with the required presentation. Since you are being asked to represent the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, in order to defend your personal opinion on the matter, a clearer compare and contrast presentation, based on paragraph topic presentations was more required. A suggested discussion outline for this essay would be as follows:

Body par. 1 - Advantages
Body par. 2 - Disadvantages
Body par. 3 - Final opinion based on personal beliefs

You should keep your discussion general in reference as much as possible, without centering on a specific example or discussion such as vegetarianism because that particular example creates a different discussion. The general discussion could be done in reference to how the eating style of people in your country has changed. That is specific enough to apply to a particular sector but vague enough to not focus on a particular culinary lifestyle.

Your opening paraphrase does not clearly outline the original topic title, basis for the discussion and thesis statement. A better wording would have been:

Globalized food sources have resulted in people having the ability to try foods that they did not previously have access to. As such, people tend to have a more international taste when it comes to culinary enjoyment these days. I believe that such a redirection in people's food tastes could be advantageous for several reasons.

Please learn how to use the concluding statement to a better degree in order to improve your score. While some people do write only single sentence closures, these presentations limit your TA scoring consideration. By using the closing statement as a reverse of the original prompt, meaning you will restate the topic for discussion, follow up with a summary of the topic sentences, then restate your opinion at the end, you will close the essay by presenting the examiner with your best closing discussion for the essay.

Writing Feedback / How technology affect our relationships? Has this been a positive or negative development [2]

@aitruong This is not a comparison essay. This is a single opinion essay that should have focused on one topic for discussion. Either you see this as a positive or as a negative development. The discussion is not about merits and drawbacks. Or, it could be, depending upon which side you wished to focus your opinion on. Please remember that all Task 2 essays are single opinion essays. This essay is asking you to choose between the two because of the word "or" in between the words positive and negative. Or signifies a choice to be made in your discussion presentation, something you failed to do in this essay which means your response is only partially in accordance with the instructions provided.

You showed a lack of care in the development of your essay. You have multiple grammar and punctuation mistakes such as using lowercase letters when it should have been uppercase. Using ellipses when a period should have been used. And pressing the same letter "t" several times on the keyboard to start the spelling of a word that needed only one letter "t" at the start to spell it out. These GRA mistakes will have serious repercussions on your essay once the points deductions are applied to it.

Over all, this was a good attempt at showing your potential to understand, analyze, and write in the English language. You should be able to show further improvement with your upcoming essays if you apply the corrections you have received for this particular essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 : One could learn about another country from TV [3]

Nguyen, your essay is taking a totally different approach to the given discussion for several reasons. For starters, you are being asked how true the statement being presented in the original discussion is. Therefore, this is not an agree or disagree discussion. Rather, this is a "true or false" discussion. That means your thesis statement should have indicated something similar to:

I believe in the truth of this statement for a number of reasons.

By indicating that you totally agree with the statement, you have turned the essay prompt into an "extent" essay, which was not indicated in the original statement. That means, you changed the prompt discussion accidentally and you will have to be given points deductions because of it.

There is also the matter of the prompt indicating the topic as being related to how people learn about another country by watching film and TV programs rather than actually visiting it. However, your discussion in the first half shows that you are discussing anything but the topic presented. Your discussion ranged from research information for knowledge concerns, fake news, and other similar themes. However the last sentence of your second paragraph does fall into line with the given prompt. The problem, is that the overall paragraph reference does not discuss related issues due to the deviating topics you presented in the discussion.

It is good though that your next paragraph was more related to the prompt requirements so you will not receive a too significant amount of points deductions for the TA score. However, you did not represent any personal experience in the discussion in relation to the topic so you will receive more deductions for that lack of topic representation. Add that the prompt deviation and, all things considered, I do not believe that you would be able to muster enough points to get a passing score with this essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2: Some people believe that graduation from university is the key to a fulfilling career [3]

Duc, while your opening paraphrase was excellent, your body of paragraphs were lacking in the proper representation of the prompt requirements. When you are directed to discuss both points of view, the points of view to be presented should be based upon public opinion and examples. It should not be based on personal opinions and personal examples as these are to be presented in the personal point of view paragraph instead. What happened in your essay is that you ended up discussing both points of view from a personal opinion rather than a general discussion of an academic statement.

There must be public and private ownership of the opinions presented. This is done by indicating:

Those who believe that a college degree is the key to a better paying job are mostly those who...

While those who think that experience and soft skills are more important tend to reason that...

All things considered though, my point of view is that...

Using the above presentation better clarifies whose opinions are being presented in the essay since it is a comparison essay discussion. The personal opinion is not well placed as a concluding paragraph as the concluding paragraph needs to be a simple restatement of your prompt paraphrase with a repeat of the thesis statement in a concluding form. That would be the restatement of your personal opinion in short form.

Additionally, you should avoid repeating phrases from the original presentation as you did with


Your ability to represent the same thought, in a different manner using similar English terms will earn you a higher LR score. In this instance, I would have instead written it as:

There are certain professionals who climbed the success ladder in their profession through hands on experience based on practical job training...

Since I was able to show that I have the analytical ability to represent the same thought process using a different presentation, the examiner will tend to score me higher on the English word usage score. It shows the degree of complexity of your English language and the meaning of the words. You know the proper meaning of the words to use it in the proper context in a similar presentation.

Undergraduate / What is the thing that you are most afraid of in your life? How do you deal with it? [2]

Chien, aside from the need for some grammar editing, your essay is unique in response and approach. Jealousy isn't something that most students would use to explain themselves in relation to the given prompt. That is why your presentation is interesting to read. However, I feel that the approach to the presentation is too cut and dried, meaning, it is so direct to the point that the essay becomes less interesting to read as the explanation progresses. So you need to keep the reader interested in reading your material.

If the prompt word count permits, I suggest that you spice the presentation up with some personal example of a given situation where you can depict how you typically deal with jealousy in your academic life. By presenting an actual scenario, the essay gains an interesting narrative form that could even help the reviewer gain a deeper insight as to how jealousy becomes a strengthening factor in your life.

Try to show, rather constantly explain to the reviewer what you mean so that the essay will become more memorable to him and help him consider your application on a deeper basis. Now if there is a maximum word count, then consider revising the essay to include an anecdote in the second paragraph while keeping the description in the first paragraph instead.

Keeping the reviewer interested in what you have to say is of vital importance to your application consideration. That is best done by inserting a story whenever possible in the essay.

Writing Feedback / Many people keep dogs and cats as companion , Do the advantages outweigh the disadvatages? [2]

Aural, your essay suffers from severe punctuation errors. You are using comma's throughout the essay instead of placing periods in strategic positions within the paragraph. You have mistaken long sentences, composed of different ideas, but connected by commas, as complex sentences. While I can understand why that happened, the reality is that complex sentences are composed of one semi-long sentence, that conveys a descriptive thought in the given sentence. It is not composed of different ideas, strewn together by commas. These mistakes in sentence development and presentation will result a score of 3 at the most for your GRA band.

Your TA score will also suffer point deductions due to the inappropriate formatting of your prompt paraphrase. The prompt paraphrase is meant to help the examiner measure your English comprehension ability. How well did you understand the question and, does your response to the question fit the given task? In this case, your answer was partially correct. Your paraphrase of the prompt does not really come across as accurate, and your thesis statement does not respond directly to the question posed. Mostly because you decided to compare and contrast when a singular opinion response was all that was required in the thesis statement. This could have been better presented as:

These days, people have been known to have canine and feline playmates. Some people believe that the advantages of such a set up is more beneficial than non-beneficial to these people. There are several reasons why this could be considered a beneficial relationship.

Note how the actual prompt was paraphrased by using similar in meaning words (synonyms). By using synonyms, you are able to showcase your vocabulary skills in a manner that shows your ability to use several descriptive words for the same meaning:

Canine = Dog

Feline = Cat

Companion - playmate

Advantages - beneficial

Disadvantages - non- beneficial

By using different words that hold the same meaning, you increase your possibility at a higher LR score which, at the moment, due to your mistakes in spelling throughout the essay (Altough = Although, fell = feel, couses = causes) can only score another 3 in the LR bracket. You have limited control over word formation which often does not convey a meaning to the word that you wrote that is immediately obvious to the reader. Please take the time to edit and revise your paper prior to submission.

Your C&C score, I believe, cannot score higher than a 3 either because you do not show the ability to develop coherent and cohesive paragraphs. You are tying together different reasonings, without really developing an explanation for these, within a single paragraph. It would be best for you to practice the 1 topic per paragraph with a 3-5 sentence explanation, inclusive of an example, in order to help you create more understandable statements. Use the 3 body paragraph format to present your ideas. For this essay I suggest the following format:

1. Reason 1 - subject sentence, reason, example
2. Reason 2 - subject sentence, reason, example
3. Reason 3 - subject sentence, reason, example (optional but suggested for increased scoring potential)

By using the above format, you would have been able to better address each benefit of having pets for companions, without confusing the reader and causing undue stress because of the lack of explanation coming from you regarding the reasons you listed. You would also do well to use transition words and sentences in order to prepare your reader for the change in discussion for the next paragraph to be presented.

By the way, don't mention any figures or information that is exclusive to your country. The Task 2 Essay deals with general information so your presentation should also be general in approach. That will show how familiar you are with various discussion topics. If you have omitted the mention of the amount of security fees, your essay would have been better off as it would have remained in a general "global" tone instead.

Try to develop a 3 sentence concluding summary that depicts all of the topic sentences and pertinent reasons from your body paragraphs. That is the purpose of the concluding paragraph. It allows you to repeat the information, in a differently worded manner in order to show the reviewer that you have the skills with which to explain yourself in different forms in English. A well developed opening and closing paraphrased paragraph will result in a higher TA score for the test taker.

Scholarship / Motivation for programme choice, you as a proper candidate, dissertation topic, study contribution [3]

Maurice, your letter is suffering from a case of too much information. You have written a complete biography from the personal, to the academic, to the professional in this letter of motivation. Not all of that information is required. If you will trust me to steer you in the right direction, there are actually only several paragraph from this tremendously long essay that you need to use to develop a more appropriate motivation letter. The sentences that you can use are the following: 1,3,6,7,9,10.

Using the aforementioned sentences, develop a more concise motivational letter. Try to do a better job in utilizing sentence #7 by explaining how you hope to also have an enlightening exchange of ideas with other students studying the same major in order to broaden your horizons and learn about how things are done in other countries. Explain how you hope to learn about XXX on a global scale, which is one of the main purposes of an Erasmus scholar.

Don't discuss your study plan in this essay. This is only the motivational letter. The study plan either goes into your statement of purpose or a specific study plan essay (when required). Also, try to develop a strong concluding statement. Your current closing statement is weak and does not really implore the committee to consider your application in a very strong or convincing manner.