Writing Feedback / Can any obstacle or disadvantage be turned into something good? [2]

Since you are taking the accuplacer test as an ESL, you need to consider the number of words you will be writing in relation to the time allottment for the WritePlacer ESL. Kindly ask the testing center, if possible, for the time allottment that you will be given to complete the discussion. At 360 words, I feel like you are overwriting in terms of presentation. Just like any other ESL test, the main consideration of the examiner will be your ability to make yourself quickly and coherently understood in English. Overwriting will open you up to certain scoring errors that you may not be conscious of. It will do you well to know the time constraint in advance, so that you can adjust your writing style accordingly. At any rate, try to keep the presentation simple and concise as much possible. Your score will benefit from it.

It will be best to avoid any religious references in any presentation as religion is a bit of a controversial topic whenever touched upon in the essays. It is best to remain neutral in this aspect and avoid stepping on any toes, just in case. You won't lose points for offering a general discussion, which is what the examiner will expect to read about. Good job on using your life experiences though. That always helps in the scoring consideration. It shows how well you understood the question and its relationship to you.

Writing Feedback / A country should make use of edible insects as a food source? [3]

The writer will clearly get failing marks in all the sections of scoring. This is because the writer does not have even an intermediate grasp of the English language and word meaning. His vocabulary is at the beginner level at the most, while his writing skills are definitely within the failing range of the GRA considerations. He does not have the ability to construct correct English sentences that will pass as simple, complex, and compound. His structure is confusing as he is constantly using past tense references when he should be speaking in present tense.

His presentations lack in coherence and cohesive paragraph development. The ability of the writer to make himself understood is limited by his inaccurate sentence structure and word usage. While he is making an effort to make himself coherent to the reader, he fails to do this due to his lack of ability to control his word formations. He must enroll in formal English language classes, at the beginner level, before he can even attempt to take the IELTS test for the first time. If he does so take the test at his current English level, he is going to fail every test section and every scoring aspect of each test.

Research Papers / Education and the Correlation to the Crime Rate [2]

The writer has clearly given a lot of thought to the content of this essay and has done his part in finding academically acceptable sources for the opinion being addressed throughout. However, his inability to close the paragraphs with more than just a citation has created a lack of additional understanding on the part of the writer. As is well known in the academic writing circles, all paragraphs must end on a note other than a citation as the paragraph must always represent an understanding of the given text. By closing with a citation, the writer creates the impression that he could not be bothered to expand upon the implications of the quote.

The writer has done his best to address the benefits of education in lowering the crime rate. However, the essay overlooked the fact that while education is important, it is difficult to keep certain types of students, from specific backgrounds, in school. The educational requirement to improve the lives of the student is often sacrificed due to the need to drop out of school. Therefore, the essay discussion comes across as one sided as it does not consider all aspects of crime, education, and the programs that might entice the student to stay in school. The combination of which will effectively lower the crime rate, based on a well educated society.

Undergraduate / Who Am I? (In search of African ancestral roots / How DNA test answers the question) [3]

Personally, I believe that the discussion focus of the essay is too broad. So broad in fact, that there are often disconnections between the personal aspect of the research and the researched information. The DNA aspect actually became an afterthought in the presentation as it is not regularly mentioned enough throughout, nor is a connection made between the claims presented and the need for African Americans to conduct DNA tests. The imperative need is not really addressed in the essay so as to persuade the reader that Black Americans will truly benefit from the DNA testing and results. This can be resolved by keeping sight of the actual focus of the paper, which is the benefits of DNA testing. How will it help resolve the modern issues of African Americans? How did it help resolbe the issues that the writer has with regards to his identity? Did the DNA result help improve his quality of life? How? My opinion, is that the writer should focus less on the backstory and more on the actual benefits of DNA testing for African Americans. It is the importance of this discussion that should be the centerpiece of the paper, not a mere discussion thrown together at the end of the research.

Undergraduate / "Dreaming is easy but achieving them is not!" - Personal Statement For AMA+ Scholarship [3]

The first problem that this essay has is the incorrect vocabulary throughout the presentation. The writer is using words that carry a meaning opposite to what it is that he actually is trying to say or explain. As such, the paragraphs become confusing to read. The presentation, at the start, lacks logic and coherence for the most part. The writer should be more selective of his word usage and should make sure to consult a dictionary before using certain descriptive words, to ensure that the correct meaning will be inferred by the sentence or paragraph.

The essay focuses too much on the first part of the prompt instructions. It delivers in terms of personal reasoning, but neglects to accurately explain how the applicant is motivated to apply for the AMA program specifically. The reference to KPop and KDrama will not be considered anymore since those are the most often used reasons for applying to Korean programs. It does not carry any impact at all. The writer speaks of commonalities between India and Korea, but fails to qualify these through examples. So there is a failure to connect the motivation the reason for studying in Korea and K'Arts.

The applicant should also strive to better represent his academic and professional qualifications that could make him/her a stronger contender for the scholarship. That was not really fully addressed (if at all) within the essay.

Letters / The Software Development and Entrepreneurship Degree - Motivation letter for BSC [2]

The first paragraph is well developed and serves as an effective lead-in to the actual motivational considerations the student has for taking the course and choosing the university. It should be retained as is. The second paragraph should be removed since it is irrelevant to the motivational presentation. The third paragraph is not as effective as it can be since it is just a rundown of the course subjects with an explanation of the learning expectation, but does not make reference to how these courses relate to the professional motivation of the student. What you want to learn and how it will be applied are two different things. The latter being the motivation behind the decision to enroll in these subjects through this BSc course. There should also be a reference as to why the university, aside from the course itself, was chosen by the student. What personal motivations drove the decision to choose this university? What is the motivation beyond the classroom setting? Expand on the desire to start your own business and how the course will help you achieve this. It appears that you are striving for a continuing education diploma to formalize your field of specialization. That should factor prominently in the decision making. It must be seen throughout the essay rather than just in a single paragraph at the start. The choice of Estonia to study at needs more development. The current presentation does not really show a clear decision making path that would convince the reviewer that you know everything about the course, university, and country you have chosen to study in.

Writing Feedback / Formal education at early age or later than 7. Discuss both views, give your opinion [2]

The writer understood the topic for the essay, but failed to properly represent the 2 public opinions as required of the prompt restatement section of the first paragraph. He went directly to his personal opinion, which created an altered discussion topic and opinion writing instruction. The essay failed to deliver the task restatement + writer opinion in the expected format. This paragraph will receive a failing score due to the inaccurate requirement representation.

The reasoning discussions are also inaccurate as these are all stemming from the personal opinion of the writer rather than following the correct format of:

Par. 2: Public opinion 1 + Explanation of the valid public reasons supporting it
Par. 3: Public opinion 2 + Explanation why the belief is valid
Par. 4: Personal opinion + reasons supporting its validity

The concluding paragraph is also in error as it suddenly shifts the discussion to a measured opinion presentation, which is not part of the original discussion consideration. This further alters the presentation from the original, creating a failing concluding paragraph as well.

At this point, there is a highly limited possibility that this essay might receive a passing score. The writer needs to learn how to focus only on the given discussion instructions and to change nor go overboard with his discussion reasoning paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / W1:The movement of people from rural to urban areas in three countries and predictions for future . [2]

Never ask the reader to look at the image reference in any case. The assumption for this and all task 1 report analysis essays is that the writer will be delivering a comprehensive and coherent discussion, without the need to look at the image. The assumption is always that the reader does not have any access to the image and therefore, will be reliant on the ability of the report to help the reader create a mental image as a reference point.

The writer has provided misinformation in the presentation which will affect the accuracy of the report. The numbers indicate the movement of people between the city and country areas. It does not at any time or any form refer to:


As such, the writer has a topic interpretation inaccuracy that will affect the TA score due to the misdirection of the discussion topic. He has also delivered only a semi accurate image representation since he only indicated the existence that a graph was included, but not the type of graph, which would have led to a more accurate summary information presentation.

The word count is 232 words, which is over the 200m maximum word count. The writer needs to learn to write shorter presentations as this is only a concise analysis and not an opinion presentation. It may not be possible to complete such a word count within 20 minutes during the actual test.

Writing Feedback / Many people use distance-learning programs to study at home, Others think it cannot bring benefits. [2]

It is almost as if the student did not bother to read the discussion instruction before writing this essay. While I believe that he read the whole prompt, he did not read the writing instructions for the essay. The opinion presented is incorrect as he has opted use an A/D discussion where the actual writing instruction was that of a measured opinion presentation. Therefore, the writing format is incorrect and will receive a failing score for the most part. He failed to accurately address the task. The discussion format was not met in his overall presentation. Therefore, while he will receive minimal scoring for the LR and GRA sections, he cannot receive any passing marks for the TA and C+C sections. This is due to the incorrect discussion slant of his presentation. The lack of proper understanding with regards to the writing instructions caused the failure of this essay.

Writing Feedback / The line graph show the oil production and consumption in China between 1982 and 2006 [2]

The writer must make an effort to create a properly formatted summary overview. This is accomplished by writing at least 3 individual infomation sentences in the paragraph, with the last 2 sentences representing the high and low of the graph. The trending sentences need not be separated from the summary overview as the correct format for the first paragraph follows the following set-up:

Summary overview + Trending statement = Comprehensive summary report

The separated summary overview and trending statement is only a tutoring tool that is meant to help the student keep track of the information requirements per paragraph. The student should be able to write a comprehensive paragraph as he progresses to show his increased writing ability for the task 1 essay. He should eventually be consolidating the summary report + trending scenario in one paragraph.

A 4 paragraph presentation is only useful in increasing the score of the presentation when there are 2 images present. 4 paragraphs allows for a more comprehensive analysis and report. For single images, the 3 paragraph format is more than sufficient and helps to add to the scoring potential of the essay. The writer should learn to analyze when to use the 4 paragraph and 3 paragraph presentations for increased score targeting.

The writer is constantly writing in run-on mode with some fragments thrown in. These will adversely affect the final GRA and C+C score as the paragraphs lack analytical clarity and proper information separation. The writer must strive to present clearer sentences and more efficient paragraph formatting.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Some suggest that schools should make teenagers spend a short time working [3]

The student is getting his word meanings confused. He must increase his English vocabulary and word usage understanding in order to avoid unitentional misinterpretations of the prompt topics. If he will bother to look up the word meaning difference between "suggest" and argue, he will come to understand why his interpretation of the topic and its foundational reason is incorrect.

It will also serve him well to familiarize himself with the various response formats required for the task 2 essays. There are opinion essays, dis/agree essays, and measured response essays. The writer did not properly identify the response format as required (measured response) and provided another incorrect presentation in terms of his opinion.

Based on these 2 first paragraph errors, the essay will start with a failing score. He did not correctly restate the prompt, nor did he provide the expected response in the presentation. The foundation of the discussion and reasoning response are invalid.

While the resaoning paragraphs can be deemed as related to the original discussion question, the inaccurate representation in both the prompt restatement + personal opinion and concluding summary are what may prevent this essay from receiving a passing score in an actual setting.

Letters / SAP Appeal Letter Review for College [2]

If the applicant is not willing to get personal with this letter of appeal by offering information that would prove the claims in this letter, then the appeal will not be. This is a letter that glosses over everything that would matter in terms if reconsideration. The uber secrecy of the presentation tends to make the reviewer consider the reasons to be made up. There is a personal disconnection in the appeal. It is not sincere enough in its presentation and does not really hold any factors that would be considered as having truly affected you to the point where your grades would suffer. While the claim may be valid, the premise of the claim is not.

In this case you need to discuss the trauma, how it grew to affect you, and what the current status of the investigation is. Discuss your treatment and how it has unfolded and positively affected you so far making you believe that you will be able to perform as academically expected this upcoming semester. Discuss how you are preparing to meet the challenges of the new academic year and how you plan to maintain the requirements of the financial aid program.

While I understand why you would be fearful to share these information with the reviewer, you do not have much of a choice in this situation. You have to honestly open up to them so that they can make an informed decision about your reconsideration request.

Research Papers / Implications of employee diversity on American organizations' productivity [2]

For the introduction, the author should reverse the presentation by making the current second paragraph first, and the current first, second. That way the format becomes correct. The introduction should not open with a series of cited information. That is not considered an introduction. The introduction should present the insight, hypothesis, and observations that the author hopes to discuss in great detail within the essay. Therefore, the use of cited information is frowned upon. In fact, the paragraph that contains citations could be skipped altogether because it does not contain a proper introduction and thesis representation anyway. All data related presentations should be contained within the actual presentation and not the introduction.

The information overview is heavily reliant on researched information reference. Almost every sentence in the presentation is cited from other sources. This could prove to be a problem since the professor may view this as a report solely based on cut and paste information, rather than a true understanding of the discussion on the writer's part. There has yet to be a portion in this presentation that would be deemed as coming from the writer's original thought process that would represent an insight into the topic based on what he actually learned and/or understood from the research. .

Letters / Accounting - Letter of explanation for study permit in canada [2]

The entire letter is not going to be believable to the consular or visa officer upon first, second, or repeated readings. The reason is simple. The applicant fails to make the case as to why he has to undergo masters degree studies in Canada when he can undergo the same course of study in his home country of Nigeria. The letter itself provides template responses of the weakest kind of the questions being asked. It fails to prove any sort of believable professional and personal reason for needing to go halfway across the world for additional studies. Most of the information provided is based on research, which means the student has not really considered the actual depth of reasons for studying in Canada other than wanting to leave Nigeria. There is no study plan, no career plan, no reason provided to indicate that he will leave Canada after he has completed the course. The entire presentation will result in a rejection. It must be totally revised to provide 0 template responses and researched information. The responses need to be analytical and personal in basis.

Undergraduate / Specification of reasons I chose this field especially, technology, computer science (MEXT, Japan) [2]

These reasons are not developed enough to establish a solid professional goal upon graduation. The references provided are in need of a better representation in relation to future work plans. The current discussion moves within draft idea considerations only. An actual and believable explanation was not developed within the presentation. The writer needs to pick an academic and professional reason for his decision. Develop these 2 ideas deeply in the presentation to achieve a believable explanation. The current discussion only applies to a hobby type of outlook for the course choice. It is the lack of an academic and career development path that limits the impact of the essay. This is not a well thought out response.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the UK in 2013 & 2014 [2]

The writer has not written enough words to allowthe examiner to completely assess his English report writing skills. While he met the minimum word requirement, a full assessment can be carried out only if at least 1275 words are written. The current wordcount severely limits the scoring considerations overall.

The summary presentation is improperly presented as it first assumes a qquestion presentation before shifting to a factual statement It is grammatically incorrect and confuses the reader in terms of actual thought presentation. The presentation also shows LR weakness as it uses the word "between" when the more appropriate term is "within ".

The paragraphs do not represent the correctsentence requirement of 3-5 sentences. The lack of expanded sentence presentation proves limited analytical abilities

* Contact me privately for essay scoring review.

Writing Feedback / The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films [2]

As there are several types of graphs used in a task 1 essay, the summary presentation should use a graph type identifier (line, row bar, column bar, etc.) for specific image reference purposes. That will help the summary presentation achieve a clearer pre-report analysis clarity. While it is definitely easier to refer to "10 years" but, it is too simplistic and will not help increase the LR score.Try to use a more advanced alternate word. "Decade" is the go to alternate but other references like decennary would also work. Since this is a reporting essay, more complex vocabulary should be present.


This should reference a steady decline in measurement so "by the year " would have been the more appropriate measurement reference phrase. At this point, it has become clear to me that the writer needs more LR and GRA skills development.

Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates the amount of fish and various types of meat consumed in European country [2]

It is not enough to merely meet the word count in a task 1 essay. While there are ample words written, there will still be formatting deductions due to lack of clear writing references in the presentation. The writer cannot offer 2 summaries in this report. The summary is provided at the beginning, in the first paragraph, not at the end. There is also only 1 trending statement section, also in the 1st paragraph. There cannot be 2 trending references either. A task 1 essay does not require a concluding summary, which I believe the writer was trying to refer to in this essay. That is a task 2 requirement.

Bear in mind that the data presented comes from a previous report. It has already taken place.Therefore the present tense reference cannot be used anymore. All references must indicate previously reported data via past tense usage.

The essay does not meet the correct 3 paragraph requirement.The writer must learn to properly group his presentation to create the perfect 3 paragraph analysis. This is a somewhat promising start. At least the writer shows an effort to meet the task requirements. He just needs more guidance to achieve it.

Letters / Motivational letter for the University Paris-Saclay, Master's in English for Specific Purposes [2]

It should not only be shortened, it should be deleted in totality with a more appropriate motivational letter written in its place. This does not really relay the informational requirements of a letter of motivation. It is not objective enough in relation to academic advancement needs in relation to the applicant's career goals. It is too conversational in tone, losing professional integrity in the process.

The motivation should come in the form ofa solid masters thesix research or project idea that can be applied to the learning curriculum of your country. Offering specific learning problems in relation to the specific UNDP program it relates to is a must. This letter does not have any solid career development path aside from ideas. Ideas are good but as a masters student, solid plans are better. Solid plans will help you sell yourself better as a candidate since it will help you present your credentials that will relate to your desire and ability to complete the masters program.

With regards to the length, only a revised version of this content can help you achieve a shorter letter. Outline your motivation topics first, then draft the essay. You can adjust the length from there. Do not forget to explain what motivated your university choice. It was missed in this version.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing test 1 - map of a museum topic [5]

This sort of presentation is the type that would automatically get a failing score. The failure of the essay shall be based on specific reasons:

1. Lack of word count (138/150). The minimum word requirement or more must be met at all times.
2. Incorrect paragraph formatting. The essay did not present a summary overview. It went directly to the trending sentence. The minimum 3 paragraph summary + analysis paragraphs format are not present in the report.

The writer made the most minimal of efforts to analyze the image. It was a half-hearted attempt at completing the task. Even if the student is self-studying, he surely has made efforts to review the sample presentations online. He should at least be familiar with the most basic of the task 1 presentation formats basedon the freely available samples online.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: HOSTING INTERNATIONAL SPORTS EVENT - OPINION ESSAY [4]

Avoid opening the prompt restatement with the same phrase as the original presentation. This is to avoid creating the idea that you are writing in a cut and paste format. Something that will lower the accuracy score of your presentation. It will also help the C+C score of your paraphrasing if you use individual sentences for each opinion so as to create a clear separation of public opinion views in your paragraph. The clarity of writing in this section carries heavy point considerations and you want to avoid any deductions, no matter how small, as much as possible. Good job on the formatting of your opinion statement. Extra points will be awarded for the cohesive writing that properly blends the thesis statement into the given opinion. That is what examiners are actually looking for.

The reasoning paragraphs are not properly formatted. There should be a total of 3 reasons presented per paragraph. One each for the supporting, opposing, and personal opinion discussions. Clearly indicating the seperation of opinions by use of proper pronouns is also needed for a proper GRA score consideration. The presentations are confusing in the sense that it appears to all come from the personal opinion of the writer only. This is incorrect and will find the score of the essay being based on an under developed, and under represented discussion presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: HOUSING SHORTAGE - OPINION ESSAY [2]

The writer should have separated the discussion topic and the basis for the topic. These are 2 different subjects that needed 2 separate restatements. His opinion is also flawed as he does not offer an extent response. Rather than arguing, since nobody is opposing him but asking for his opinion instead, the correct response format would have been "to the extent that" prior to his reasoning platform. He will lose accuracy points due to the incorrect format of his response.

He has over discussed his first reasoning paragraph causing an imbalance in the reasoning paragraphs. One is more developed than the other in terms of explanation and example. The end result will be a lower c + c score and overall rating.

Writing Feedback / TWO-PART QUESTION: Big city topic [3]

The prompt restatement + Personal opinion paragraph will receive a failing score because:

1. It presents itself as a run-on sentence.
2. It does not answer the 2 part question to deliver a writer's opinion that can be scored. Instead, he merely repeats the discussion questions.

These errors alone will be enough to assure the writer of a failing score at the end as she shows a lack of ability to follow the discussion instructions and correct paragraph presentation format.

The reasoning paragraphs do not follow the correct information presentation either which should have been:
1. Present the problem as the topic sentence
2. Explain why this is a problem.
3. Provide an example of the problem
4. Indicate a possible solution to the said problem
5. Explain why the solution is going to work

By using the Cause+Effect+Solution discussion presentation, the writer will deliver a well developed, clearly explained, and cohesive paragraph presentation every time.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRTING TASK II ACADEMIC: violent media encourages real-life violence among young people [3]

The first sentence is not a reflection of the original prompt. It is an observation of violent portrayals in the media, which is the writer's personal opinion. It should not be contained in the prompt restatement portion. Next time, place such observations in your personal opinion presentation or thesis sentence. Know where to place a personal opinion so that it can help increase, rather than decrease your score. In this case, it works to decrease the score.

You do not need to argue with anyone in this statement. There is no opposing opinion for you to contradict. Where no contradicting reason exists, the writer should merely state his opinion, without any exaggerations that will result in score downs due to improper response formatting. This is a discussion since an idea is presented without any opposing views. Do not argue where it is not necessary, required, nor implied.

The above observations are the main problem points of the presentation. The discussion paragraphs themselves are well developed and presented. The concluding summary is a proper summary that uses the correct paragraph format.

Scholarship / Biomedical engineering - personal statement to apply the scholarship. [3]

The writer must revise the personal statement to indicate a clear reference to his entering into the world of medical science because of the desire of his parents. He must connect his parents interest in having a medical doctor for a child with the inspiration he got from his mother's accident. Only through the clear connection of these 2 considerations will his reference to his parent's desire later on in the essay make sense.

He must revise his essay for content and discussion references as well. He must outline his essay first to create a discussion process for his presentation. It is currently difficult to follow his personal statement because of the lack of editing, proofreading, and grammar correction in his presentation. Several English words are used out of context that make the reference difficult for the reader to understand.

Undergraduate / Personal statement for the scholarship program of Pusan National University (Urban Engineering) [3]

Show a proper development of your interest in Urban Engineering. A simple bus ride cannot result in a life changing, but unpursued until recently, interest in such a complicated course. No reviewer is going to believe that. An applicant must effectively show the development of an interest and how the pursuit of this interest was done, reaching the current point of application. That development is not included in this essay. The idea behind it is too simple and unbelievable.

Do not tell the reviewers about the accomplishments of Korea with regards to urban development. Rather, show how these connect with your vision for developing your home city instead. By using parallelisms or visualizing how you can help your city progress through your exposure to Korean urban development, you should be able to portray a need to learn directly from the Korean experts.

It will be better to revise the total essay with a focus on the targeted accomplishments of the applicant upon his return to his home country. That will introduce him as a visionary and innovator to the reviewers, something that could be notable with his application.

Undergraduate / A plethora of opportunities - Why Mount Holyoke Transfer Essay [2]

The essay is really impressive once you get past the Lucille Ball reference. That aspect does not really connect well with the rest of the essay. While Ms. Ball was certainly a trailblazer, her influence upon you is not as strong as it should be. It would appear that she was only a hook used to interest the reviewer, and nothing more. Thus, her mention is irrelevant in the presentation.You can actually remove the early paragraph without affecting the later portion of the essay. I would opt to revise that part by choosing a more relevant role model. One that actually ties in with the reasons you have presented within the later presentation. You may also consider shortening the essay a bit because it tends to get a bit winded towards the end. The shorter and more impactful the presentation, the more memorable it will be for the reviewers.

Scholarship / Master of Energy Change - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution (AAS) [2]

You have chosen the same course at 2 universities, even if the names of the courses are different. The problem, is that you are lumping the 2 courses and universities under the same discussion considerations. That cannot be the case. Each university has a different student community and each course has a different focus in terms of teaching and training. These considerations are what comprise the actual reasons for choosing the course and university. These need to be detailed in your response, separately for each university and choice. The essay shows your motivation and passion, but a clear unfamiliarity with the chosen universities and courses. While your passion will be taken into consideration, your lack of actual academic and professional considerations are what makes this essay non-applicable as a response. Focus on what unique learning you will gain from each university and course when you revise the essay. The reviewer needs to understand what your considerations were when you chose these courses and academies.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that school have to be more entertaining [2]

The essay is not qualified to receive a passing score due to task writing instruction inaccuracy. The provided writer opinion sentence committed 2 errors:

1. The discussion representation is incorrect. He has indicated a comparative discussion + personal opinion format when the requirement was to discuss the public opinion he agrees with over 2 supporting paragraphs.

2. He has not presented a personal opinion + thisis statement to refer to his personal opinion

His prompt paraphrase is also incorrect as it is a run-on sentence. Both the first and last paragraphs must contain 3-5 sentences to qualify for scoring. These 2 paragraphs are very format focused in terms of scoring.

The writer does not present his own opinion until the closing paragraph, causing another task format error. The personal opinion must be the basis of the reasoning paragraphs. The current format will result in a failing score.

Writing Feedback / Whether we need the translators in the future? [2]

The writer has totally missed the point of a task 2 essay. The discussion is all about creating a short but comprehensive discussion within 40 minutes. Based on the time allotment and editing requirements, He should only be presenting a maximum of 300 words. It need not be an academic paper in length. A simple everyday discussion that develops simple reasons will suffice in receiving a passing score. Extra long essays are more prone to scoring penalties. Keep it short next time.

Do not change the response format. This is not a measured response essay. It is a simple agree or disagree consideration. The incorrect response format will cause accuracy penalties. That is too bad because the reasoning basis of the writer's - is quite strong and could very well have helped increase the score along with the solid interpretation of the prompt topic.

The essay also risks getting an automatic failing score due to the lack ofa proper concluding summary. Instead of delivering the required reverse paraphrase, the writer continued the discussion instead, leaving the essay without a recap closing paragraph.

Scholarship / Self Introduction Essay for Exchange Program in Ajou University by an engineering student [4]

Since this a personal statement, you can try to create a more solid representation of how your interest evolved from the parts that make up the gaming console ( the engineer in you) to how the game is created (coding). From there you can explain why you did not pursue a programming line of study by shifting courses at this point. How would the software aspect help make you a better engineer? Will you pursue gaming development as a professional ?

The truth is,the presentation lacks focus, an underlying theme, and compelling reasons that would qualify you for the exchange program. The approach sounds more like information given in polite conversation to a stranger rather than a member of the admissions committee for a program that you eagerly want to pursue. This presentation lacks passion and fire in relation to the program considerations.

Writing Feedback / Wide concern about the ability of making films by individuals instead of by big companies [2]

One cannot say that the topic has created a great concern since it does not carry a negative meaning. A concern is related to something of serious importance that carries a heavy result upon a person. This is an exaggerated realelement that does not follow the flow and implied meaning of the orginal topic. seeing as how a direct question was posed before the writer, his C must be presented clearly in the first person point of new. He must be an active voice in the discussion to indicate a direct response, within the expected format, to the task. This sort of writing does not lend itself to a general discussion format. The response is also altered from the original question which is "is this a positive or negative development?". There is a different prompt style for advantages v. disadvantages and benefits and drawbacks. The writer needs more response format familiarity to learn how to properly respond to the questions. The answer format must be correct to receive the correct scoring consideration.

To keep the response in the correct format, the reasoning paragraphs need to use alternate words to positive such as clear, conclusive, factual, and sure. Benefits, merits, demerits do not qualify as alternative words. When words are used in a method not applicable to its meaning within he discussion requirement, the LR score will be adversely affected.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays students are not likely to choose science subject for studying in many countries [2]

The prompt restatement has an unchanged phrase from the orginal text that will negatively affect the TA scoring consideration. The prompt restatement must be a totally new telling of the given topic. By presenting it within the measures of your own understanding, the examiner will be able to assess and score your basic English comprehension skills. A major part of the comprehension consideration is connected to your direct response to the given questions as well. The lack of proper summarized responses to the questions does not help with the necessary comprehension assessment. Repeating the questions shows a paraphrasing ability. It does not prove comprehension skills.

The writer shows a lack of proper sentence structuring skills. His GRA score will be adversely affected by his incorrect use of punctuation marks. Proper education with regards to how punctuation macks are used is a must. He must understand that punctuation marks are used one ata time. These are never used successively in a sentence.He will receive a failing score in this section that will prevent the essay from receiving a final passing score.

Undergraduate / Self-introduction for Pusan National University Scholarship offered by Gyeongnam Support Center [3]

Since this scholarship is exclusive to Burmese students, there is no need to mention anything beyond your name, age, and transfer course of interest. Neither is it important to mention the name of the scholarship and who is offering it. The revewers are already knowledgable about these details. Do not be redundant, nor offer irrelevant information. These presentation sentences sound like word fillers and nothing more. These are irrelevant sentences.

The reference in the essay should concentrate on how you developed a love for French in particular. The discussion about the general language exposure takes too much space in that paragraph. That should be shortened to allow for more of an interesting introduction of your interest and the development of that interest in French.

Try to tie in your interest in studying French within the educational system of South Korea with the overall essay. You are trying to explain why you believe that learning French in a Hangul speaking nation will be beneficial to you beyond SK being a foreign student embracing country. Why not aim or aspire to get a scholarship in France instead?

Scholarship / Personal Statement for Pusan National University Scholarship (Landscape Architecture) [3]

In the first 2 paragraphs you speak of your father and how his interest in garden landscaping came about. As a backstory it serves a purpose in relation to your exposure and introduction to landscaping. Sadly, you totally skipped the part of the explanation that dealt with what drew you to this activity beyond the bonding time between you and your dad. While the discussion is personal, it disconnects from you as an applicant to the program. Rewrite those parts to explain the development of your interest with only incidental mentions of your dad. Remember, if you only want to get into this field because you want to create the perfect garden for your parents, you do not need formal training for that.

What was the group project that you led all about? How would this highlight an exceptional ability to complete the course on your part? The reference to leadership and teamwork is definitely a must, but can use additional character refunce in terms of student skills.

The essay is a good draft. I can see the direction you want to take your introduction in. It is this direction that leaves ample room for my suggested revisions. These improvements should help you develop a more enlightening personal presentation. It already stands out since you mention neither Covid or the war in your country as an excuse for not succeeding or being held back academically. You do not sound like a war refugee but rather, a student with solid ambitions looking towards a better future through the help of academics.

Scholarship / Self introduction for Pusan National University Scholarship as a transfer [3]

There is no need to indicate Covid and the war in your country as a reason for delayed education. These are commonly known reasons for Burmese students. All of you are mentioning it in these self introduction essays as if these will make a difference in the consideration. These will not as these are commonly known information that does not have any bearing on the reviewer's opinion. You all suffered the same consequences of the same situations. Mention something different or do not mention these at all. These will not help the essay moving forward anyway.

The essay is not well developed as the writer is compressing information into each paragraph. Take the time to edit the work. Properly outline your discussion topics and pick the top 3 things about you that you want the reviewer to know about, based upon its importance to you and its impact on your ability to give back to your country upon your return. Make sure that you expand on these ideas properly, without over informing and little explaining to the reviewer. That is where the problem of this current presentation lies. You may use up to 5 paragraphs for this essay. That way you can really figure out what you want to say about who you are and why you deserve the scholarship.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: The chart below shows the percentage of households owned and rented accommodation [3]

The word meaning for accomodation is not the same as the word amenities. So that is an LR error in the presentation that will cost the writer in terms of scoring. The writer must familiarize himself better with word meaning and alternative word usage. Just because a word sounds applicable, does not mean that it is applicable. Always double check the word meaning before applying it to the written work.

Comparison paragraphs must start from 1918 as these are the starting points for the presentation. The presentation tends to not have a solid comparison trend within the paragraphs, making these difficult to follow. The writer must assess how he wants to write the report in each paragraph, focusing in a specific presentation style, prior to drafting it. After drafting, he must think of how he can further tighten the presentation for clarity. Learn to group the discussions.

Graduate / Latest career-related goals and study area for the scholarship [2]

Open with an impressive statement about the state of urban housing and development in your country. Focus on explaining the problem that faces this field and why it is imperative that these be addressed as professionally as possible. If applicable, present an SDG in relation to Urban Planning to further drive home the imperative nature of your studies. These would tie into your interest at working for the UN upon your return. Right now, the opening statement is just empty and unimpressive. It will not catch the interest of the reviewers. It must be made more interesting in presentation.

You may want to consider revising the essay to merge your career plans with your work experience. That way you create an interesting look at how your work has influenced your forward thinking professional goals. Doing so will allow you to create a unique characterization in your presentation as the experience will tie in with the goal, making everything clear to the reviewers.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2. "Some people regard video games as harmless fun ..." Profits and drawbacks of gaming [7]

While "utile" is a middle school level word, it is not an everyday English word that can be used to define "useful". I realize that the student has chosen to use an uncommon word in the hopes of impressing the examiner, and gaining a higher LR score. However, the opposite will happen when the word is used out of context, like in this case. The examiner is not looking for impressive sounding advanced English words. He is looking for everyday conversational words that easily fit in normal conversations or writing. Keep it simple. The higher LR score will come from the proper use of words, not simply from the advanced level of words used.

The writer has offered an opinion statement that leans towards one side of the essay. As such, he is expected to fully explain his reason for supporting this idea within 2 paragraphs. As he is not asked to discuss both views and give an opinion, the actual discussion should only be with regards to his actual opinion. This is not represented as a comparative essay in the original presentation.

That said, the only paragraph that will receive a score is the one related to the actual opinion. Then the essay will develop scoring problems as the presentation will not fall under the minimum word count. It will be deemed under developed and will be scored based on an incomplete defense or explanation of the given opinion.

Scholarship / Why did you chose your proposed study (Mathematics) and institution (UNSW)? AAS Essay [2]

The presentation is over the maximum word count by 85 words. The writer will need to edit the content in order to keep it under or, exactly at the character requirement. He cannot submit it without editing as the online text box may reject the application once it is pasted in. He may not have time to edit it at that point. Pre-editing is beneficial in such cases.

The applicant must ensure that he includes a professional instead of college based reference for the interest in the chosen courses. The scholarship gives higher consideration to those who have professional experience in the related fields.

The reasons for choosing the universities are weak. These explanations sound more like they were taken directly from student vlogs on the internet. They do not show a true academic reason for choosing the courses and universities. The reasons for choosing either are actually template and will not help the applicant at all. This is actually a losing application essy. There is nothing substantial for the reviewers to consider in terms of student qualification and reasoning in this case.