Writing Feedback / The percentage of people in three countries who used the Internet over the course of 10 years [2]

The summary overview as provided will be considered a run on sentence, receiving a low TA and GRA score in the process. A clear and coherent paragraph is composed of single idea sentence presentations that allow the reader to individually reflect on the provided information. Each sentence must have only one piece of information to qualify as a properly developed paragraph. The sentence count of a proper paragraph is anywhere from 3-5 sentences.

The trending statement is good but could have been less extended. Remember that there is only one image presented in the report. This indicates a 3 paragraph sentence. Meaning, the trend can and should be merged into the summary overview as a part of the concise presentation for that paragraph. It will help the writer meet the sentence requirement for the summary overview in a score boosting manner.

The third paragraph is over extended. It should have been clear to the writer that the paragraphs need to be presented with at least 3 sentences in them to receive a proper scoring consideration. By compressing the information in the third paragraph, the last paragraph was left with very little reporting development, causing a lower C+C score. There was clearly some information in the previous paragraph that would have been more beneficial to the score had it been presented along with other data in the last paragraph.

While the report is acceptable, the error points that exist in the essay will definitely be a scoring drawback for the exam taker. It will do his score better if he learns to spread out the information across various paragraphs in the future.

Writing Feedback / Evaluation of claims that hosting international sports event is good for the country [2]


Avoid presenting your personal opinion right off the bat. It is important that you do not add any information, nor begin discussing the essay at this point since this is only the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph. That means, you must be true to the prompt as it was provided. Deliver only your understanding of the 2 public opinions, then state which opinion you support and why, or if you have an alternate opinion, present that as the discussion thesis for the essay in this paragraph. Presenting your personal opinion topic will not be deemed as a discussion provided the presentation is no more than a sentence long. You only need 3 sentences in this presentation comprised of public opinion 1 and 2, and the personal opinion. In this case, you only presented one public opinion and then your personal opinion. The paragraph is incomplete and does not provide an accurate representation of the original topic.

Both opinion presentations cannot recieve passing scores as the general discussion presentation seems to come from the personal opinion of the writer. The GRA score, which considers the clarity of the presentation based on proper personal pronoun usage to show the 3rd person and first person discussion points are essential to this score.

There should also be a 3rd paragraph that fully explains the personal opinion of the writer. The conclusion will recieve a failing score for being the part where the writer presented his personal opinion. It is an incorrect format as the concluding paragraph should only be a summary of the previous discussion points. The essay fails on so many presentation and grammar levels at this point.

Graduate / SOP for mathematical finance - the master's level at Universiti Teknologi Brunei (UTB) [2]

To create an effective statement of purpose, the applicant must create a convincing academic and career driven reason for advanced studies This is done through the proper representation of the applicant's career foundation in relation to the masters course. There must also be a reference to the applicant's preparedness for the course through the logical presentation of a corelation between the undergraduate, current career experience, and future career advancements. It cannot be all about information sharing once the student returns home.

The applicant does not have a compelling reason to study abroad. it is not reflected by the choice of university, nor the reason for choosing to study in the specific country. This essay needs to redirect based on any available prompt requirements for the university application or, through the general requirements readily available online as an SOP reference. This is a draft that does not completely reflect a considerable reason for masters studies.

The writer needs to consider better reasons and not just repeat the well known or website available information about the university, course, and curriculum. An SOP does not work that way. It is not just a repeated run-down of public information. It has to show that the applicant has taken the studies into serious consideration in relation to potential work requirements that the applicant might face in the future.

Scholarship / Beliefs you hold strongly to. I'm determined to dedicate myself to the academic rigours of STEM [2]

The response that the student has created does not meet the prompt requirements at all. The essay that was developed is a personal statement addressing how the interest of ther student developed in the field STEM. It does not prove any value or belief that the student has used to develop his character through out his life. There is no other way to put it. This essay is not applicable to the prompt and therefore, cannot be used for the prompt it was intended. The writer must replace the whole essay. This version must be deleted due to inapplicability. It will do the writer well to research the list of values and beliefs that are known to many, which are often used as the reference response for this prompt.

Undergraduate / The impact of data science on Oil and Gas Industry (a PTDF personal statement) [3]


The university may meet your criteria, but that is not the point of this motivation letter. How do YOU meet the student requirements of the university? What makes you a stand out candidate? There is nothing impressive about your almost non-existent academic background. The professional background does not contain any information of note regarding your professional performance and future academic / career aims either. This is a lackluster application if I have ever seen one.

The job responsibility of a data encoder is based soley on entering information into a database. There is no science involved in the job responsibility or requirement. Therefore, the applicant is over reaching with his application ambitions. The vague discussion of his online classes do not prove to be of any merit in relation to the motivation for studies and qualifications. The applicant's motivation is vague at the most and lacking a definitive application to either SDG goals or improvement of the oil and gas industry in Nigeria. The motivation letter is weak and forgettable at the most.

Writing Feedback / Essay about social responsibility in business - [2]

Excellent work on the simple prompt restatement + personal opinion presentation. There is a clear understanding of the topic sentence, its basis, and the discussion instruction as provided in the original presentation.

While the writer showed great promise in the first paragraph, his reasoning fell apart in the next paragraph where he decided to explain why the contrary opinion is correct alongside his own opinion. Being a single opinion essay, the writer should have been clued in by the discussion question in relation to his reasoning paragraphs. He should have defended only the relevant reasons to his opinion or, shown why the contrary opinion is incorrect when compared to other considerations for the same reason. That is done in the same paragraph using the format:

- Contrary reason sentence
- Contrary reason defense
- Writer's opinion of said reason
- Writer's explanation of the fault present in the contrary reason

By using that format, the writer will have properly used both sides of the discussion to strongly defend his opinion. However, the writer used a different format that does not follow the correct discussion pattern. Therefore, the writter will only get a score for the 2nd reason that supported his opinion. This means that the essay might get a passing score, even though it will be considered to be less developed in reasoning than it could have been. Always remember, an agree or disagree essay is always discussed based on the defense of the writer's opinion alone.

Scholarship / Msc Food Science and Technology Engineering University of Szeged [2]

The questions you are being asked to respond to all connect to a central theme. Have you really thought long and hard about what studying in Hungary will mean to you? Are you certain that this is the academic avenue you want to purse? How dedicated are you to completing the program? These are the short cut versions of the prompts that were provided. Questions that, if responded to accurately, will help your application because you will have proven that you have considered all of the factors that would make you a suitable candidate. Right now, you just need to write a response, any sort of response, to the questions so that you can at least get started on a draft that, through proper review, revision, and editing, will result in a relevant motivation letter for your application.

Essays / Help Writing Creative Essays Under Pressure [3]

You were already clued in on the various combination topics that could comprise the prompt for your writing test. It is up to you to combine various topics and then write about it during your practice test. My advice is, use the creative writing technique. That way you can creatively connect various themes, while not being personally involved in the writing. When you use the standard writing format for the response, your tendency will be to use personal insight, which limits your creativity in terms of thinking and tackling the topics provided.

It appears that there are no right or wrong answers to the topics you will be provided, so don't be afraid to get creative and just write what you feel and what you think. By detaching from the essay through the use of a creative narrative, you will find yourself falling into a creative zone that should allow you to better brainstorm when it comes to the actual test. Use characters, settings, and dialogue to get you out of the habit of writing from a personal point of view. The more creative your storytelling, the more interesting your paper will be to the examiner.

If you need help with practicing and preparing for this aspect of the test, you may contact me privately. Remember, practice makes perfect but you need proper guidance to achieve that perfection. By using the actual time situation during your practice test, and combining the most outrageous partner themes you can write about, you will be better prepared to take the test.

Writing Feedback / The line chart presents changes in the proportion of birth and death rates in NZ from 1901 to 2101 [2]


Since this is a future projection, it should not be referred as a possibility. The graph shows a factual representation of the future measurement. Therefore "can" should be replaced with "will" to reflect the correct future measurement in terms of grammar accuracy.


There should be a period at this point. The word "after" reflects a new information sentence seperate from and not in comparison with the previous sentence. Therefore, a period is required to seperate the two sentence ideas. The seperation is needed to clearly present each measurement idea within an individual analysis presentation format.


Do not place important information in a parenthesis. Notice that if you used the actual information, the sentence would have had a clearer reference point and would have allowed for proper information inclusion in the report.

The writer shows an ability to analyze the information provided in the image. His problem lies within his lack of sentence structure control. The lack of proper sentence formation prevents him from consistently representing cohesive and coherent sentence / paragraph presentations. Sentence development exercises can help reduce these types of errors.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Imaging and Lighting in Extended Reality Programme (Erasmus Mundus) [2]

Review the requirements of the motivation letter. Compare it to what you have written. Your motivational letter does not provide the required information. The content is not based on specific information requirements as outlined. You have only provided information that you want to let the reviewer know about, which is not the same as the information the reviewer needs to assess your qualifications for the program.

There are only one or 2 aspects that you can use for the revised essay. These would be the reference to your interest in VR and, your professional background. Focus on your experience as a machine learning expert in relation to the questions provided. This is just a draft that allowed you to write down all the information you can think of. Not all of these relate to a motivation though. So it will be best if you just write a totally new essay. This time, respond first in outline form, then work on creating an expanded essay response. That way you can compare your response to the requirements of the prompt and adjust the content to better suit the question.

Student Talk / Which essay writing service provider is purely for students? [3]

Almost all of the essay writing services claim to be pro-student. However, there are some who would rather mislead the students, taking their money and then not delivering on the product. There are several academic writing websites out there that can be trusted but I am not at liberty to mention as we cannot endorse any company or writer publicly.

If an essay company approaches you without prior notice, that could be indicative of a scam. For example, someone may read this post and reach out to you offering his services. Do not make contact. Never use unsolicited services because that is the number one way a student gets scammed.

Do not use any website that may post their services in this thread as a response to your inquiry either. Like I said, we do not endorse companies and we do not allow academic writing company advertising at this forum either. We cannot vouch for their integrity and reliability.

You may also go to our partner website: essayscam.org/ for additional information. This is the place where students and writers alike discuss which companies are purely in the service of the student, and those who are not. The most popular scam companies are referred to at this forum. Those worthwhile companies are also mentioned to assist students in their search for academic writing help.

For other inquiries, you may reach out to our mods and admin over at essayforum.com@gmail.com regarding possible essay writing services from trusted sources. Private inquiries are well entertained by the staff.

Writing Feedback / Experience and soft skills are an indispensable part, which you can only get when you work part-time [2]

I am not sure about what the point of this writing exercise is. Was it for a creative writing class? If so, then the opening setting should be more clear about that. It should describe the opinion of the persons involved rather than the writer's opinion about the topic. The set up has to clearly indicate who has taken what side of the discussion and why.

It appears that this is supposed to be a scripted debate between 2 persons. One person asking for advice, while the other 2 have opposing views. The scene must be opened with a direct question posed by Thuong, who needs advice regarding his choices. The opposing view participants should then, deliver completely developed explanations and examples to convince Thuong that the current opinion is the correct one. However, both opinions only delve on the tip of the discussion, without actually informing Thuong of more considerable reasons that could help him come to a final decision on his own.

The scripted presentation needs more work in terms of explanation and discussion clarity. The method of presentation is creative, but lacks in essence when considering the topics for discussion. The presentation leaves more questions than answers for anyone listening/reading the presentation. It lacks a proper set-up in terms of discussion applicability and relevance.

Writing Feedback / The line graph compares the percentage of Internet users in three North America countries [3]


The mention of the 3 countries in particular should have been done prior to the time frame reference. That will inform the reader regarding the comparison report basis. The mention of the countries may be repeated in the trending presentation if needed.


This is already part of the actual reporting paragraphs. It is not indicative of a trending statement, which is what this independent paragraph represents. Only the prior sentences adhere to trending information. You need not over reach with the trending statement. Any observations made should be part of the reporting paragraphs.

The writer shows a keen observational talent in this writing. However, he tends to write run-on sentences rather than individual comparison sentences. It would be better if dual idea sentences are avoided to aid in the clarity of his comparison presentations.

Writing Feedback / Constructive criticism from teachers helps students learn, as well as develop positive self-esteem [3]

The writer tends to work in his personal opinions within the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraphs. He appears to not realize that the discussion does not start in the first paragraph. It begins in the 2nd paragraph instead. Only a thesis statement that establishes his opinion topic is needed in the first paragraph to meet the task requirements. TA deductions will apply due to the errors in format presentation in the first paragraph.

Additional deductions will apply to the same paragraph as the writer does not show a degree of English word knowledge that would allow him to use word alternatives in place of keywords. This is evidence of both cut and paste along with memorized word usage. Both are TA scoredowns.


There is an error in this statement as students cannot analyze their work for errors and as such, cannot provide themselves with room for learning or correcting themselves. Only teachers can help them achieve that.

There are even more errors in this presentation that require private consultation for additional observations and suggestions for improvement .

Letters / Development Economics - Student Exchange Motivation Letter [4]

The reason why you wish to become a participant in the program is not convincing. The reason used is personal rather than nationalistic in reference. The participation must relate to your passion or interest in helping your country. Focus on a diplomatic reason for your participation so that you can relay a relevant reason for wanting to participate in the program.

When considering the basis for considering you for the program, you cannot use generalized references as you are doing now. This aspect of your application is actually empty, devoid of true character driven responses in relation to the program objectives. You have personally good traits, but none that heighten your qualifications as a developing leader in your country. Participation is different from leadership. Participation does not equate to awards or recognition. The reference to an accomplishment is flimsy and questionable at best since you failed to represent how you led the group, in what capacity and the outcome of your leadership.

Like I said, you are trying to smokescreen the application essay. There is no strong and convincing factor that would indicate an applicable motivation and qualifications for the program. You will need to write a new essay. One that is honest and truly responds directly to the questions being asked. No vague references, no implied information. The essay requires direct and honest representations. There is a slight plan, but no strategy represented that applies to a specific SDG goal.

The SDG goal that you wish to help achieve must be the basis for this essay. That means, You have to base your new version on the SDG goal(s) you wish to pursue. Once you know what that is, you will be able to honestly respond to the 3 questions as these relate to your chosen SDG programs.

Letters / Development Economics - Student Exchange Motivation Letter [4]

You cannot expect me to give relevant and useful advice based on a prompt that does not inform me about the name of the program ( at the very least). You have to understand, exchange programs have different requirements for their applicants. It will be difficult to direct your essay towards an applicable improvement if I am not clued in on what the program is. The prompt is only the start of the essay writing process. Since you are not sharing the name of the program here, please do not expect me to perform magic and help you in a manner that will allow you become a strong candidate for the program.

What I can say is this, based on the requirements of relevant skills and expertise, leadership experience, and/or achievements, I do not see you qualifying for this program. You have only participation to speak of and you did not refer to any leadership position in the narration of that event. Since I do not know the program name, I cannot really say that you have any relevant skills and expertise to speak of. The presentation is mostly friendly, lacking in relevant content. You do not really answer the prompt until the last few paragraphs, which tells me that you are trying to smokescreen your lack of qualifications. Something the reviewer will see immediately due to the emptiness of your earlier paragraphs.

Again, I do not know what program you are applying to so all I can give you is a general observation of your work. The comments are based on the general prompt requirements and nothing more. I cannot help you beyond this without knowing what program you are aiming for.

Letters / Write a letter, offering practical advice and reassuring students that they do not need to worry [2]


Since this is a letter to a fellow student, you can take a less formal tone in response. Open by congratulating him on receiving the opportunity to study abroad. Begin your reassurances within the opening salutation. That way the reader can relax and know that advice is forthcoming.

Try not to over-emphasize the difficulties the student will be facing. You do not want to add to his worries and scare him needlessly. Try to take a positive tone in the letter. Blend the negative with the positive in every thought sentence. Immediately follow up with an idea proposal to help. Do not list just the difficulties then offer the positives and suggestions. The reader may not get past the negatives. Your duty is to inspire, not to create worry for the student.

The idea is to talk to a friend, not a subordinate. The student looks to you for emotional, mental, and social support in this instance. Think of how you would allay the worries of your friend, then write to that friend. That is how the approach should be. Not too formal, not too friendly. It has to be somewhere in the middle.

Essays / How do you think you can contribute to this school? (answering this question) [7]

You have to think about what makes you special as a student. What leadership traits or influential personality do you have that would add to the color of the scholarship program? Consider your intellectual skills that may heighten the profile of the program in relation to your participation? Think of what makes you unique academically and then explain why you believe that this trait will help the scholarship program go up another notch in terms of participant quality.

As for how the scholarship community might benefit from your participation. Consider how you plan to further your career after you have completed the program. Would you continue to participate in the scholarship world as an alumna? How do you plan to help make the scholarship more well known in ther academic community and among possible incoming scholars? Would you be open to collaborating with a new batch of scholars and those who were part of the scholarship before you? What is your plan to achieve this?

You have a 100 word limit so make sure to use only 2 sentences per topic. Write no more than 50 words for each response. It does not need to be complex. It just needs to be a simple idea or thought projection. Direct topic sentences with a simple explanation can help you achieve that.

Graduate / STATEMENT OF PURPOSE- MS STATISTICS FOR UNIVERSITIES IN USA [3]


Remove this reference as you are not applying for admission to college. You are applying for admission to a masters degree course. The underlying reasons should no longer have anything to do with your childhood interests. You may omit this whole paragraph and begin with the more professional reference in the second paragraph instead. Just merge the information about where and what course you took as an undergraduate.


This reference is irrelevant to a statement of purpose but relevant to a personal statement. Delete the full paragraph. It is not applicable to the nature of the essay.

The full essay lacks a reference to your professional preparation for this course. What is your professional background? How does it lend to the purpose of your studies? The career goals are not clear as to whether you plan to return to your home country to apply your learning within your field either as a newly trained person or, as a person seeking a promotion at the job. The later part of the essay sounds more like you intend to stay in the United States to work. Which is not what your other purpose should be.

Writing Feedback / Education - focusing on certain subjects or studying a wide range of subject is better? [2]

While the writer has shown a clear understanding of the discussion topic and the method of discussion, he still missed out on the proper formatting of the discussion reasons. The presentation accidentally took on a 4 paragraph format when the requirement was that of a 5 paragraph presentation. That means, the reasoning paragraph requires 3 discussion paragraphs covering the benefits of each learning style along with the personal preference of the writer. The paragraphs should represent:

- students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15
- study a wide range of subjects
- Which is better?

As the writer skipped on the proper independent paragraph discussion of a specific learning style, the essay will be scored on only 2 out of 3 considerations. Deductions will apply due to the missing paragraph. The essay has to be considered lacking in content development so full marks cannot be awarded for task completion.

Letters / Medical Laboratory Science graduate - Motivation Letter for Stipendum Hungaricum [3]

The first paragraph requires editing. The thought process is in the form of a run-on sentence which leads to a lack of clarity in the presentation. The writer must clearly spell out what the academic and personal goals out. The paragraph should not be a race to write as many words as possible. It is all about informing the reviewer about the specific motivations the student has, using as many idea sentences as possible in the paragraph.

The second paragraph is uninformative. It contains general references to the reasons why the student wants to study in Hungary and, at a Hungarian university. The problem, is that the writer has skipped the specifics that makes the university and the country a special consideration. So the paragraph appears to describe any general international university rather than representing a specific focus on studies in Hungary. It can be removed from the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Give the advantages and disadvantages of attending tutoring classes. [2]

Although this is not for a TOEFL or IELTS test, the same essay writing rules apply to the formatting and discussion presentation. That means, the student must follow a 4 paragraph presentation format. The reason that the writer must get used to writing in paragraphs is because individual topic paragraph formatting helps the reader gain clarity of thought and insight with regards to the writer's opinion and explanation presentation. These specific topics, the advantage and disadvantage, must have individual paragraphs give the writer a chance to properly and completely deliver his thoughts. It will also provide a scannable essay, making it easier for the reader to find the topic that he wishes to read at any given time.

The student began the reasoning by using numerical ordinals, which is out of place in an A/D essay. The reader tends to look for the second numerical ordinal reason, which never came, thus further confusing the format of the discussion. It creates a confusing format for the presentation. It is best not to use numerical ordinals and instead, use topic sentences that clearly indicate an advantage or disadvantage topic. The correct keyword usage at the start of the separate paragraphs would help the student that type of clarity.

Graduate / Aerospace Engineering Motivation for KTH - the master's program at the University of Pisa, Italy [2]

The first paragraph is a throw away. The introduction it provides does not move the essay forward and fails to inform the reviewer, who will not read that paragraph anyway. You need to hold his attention by immediately opening with an informative background paragraph. Start with the second paragraph. There is no sense in writing this essay as if you were writing a Task 2 IELTS test.


The reviewer needs only undergraduate related information from you. What happened during high school is irrelevant because you are already a working professional whose interests in academic development should be based on work experience. Remove this reference.

The essay is actually too long and in need of editing for clarity purposes. The paragraphs could be better compressed in presentation with the removal of several discussion points that only lengthen the presentation, but do not inform the reviewer.

Letters / Hospitality studies and English - Motivation Letter for Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship [2]


The reviewer is not interested in your childhood nor how your parents exposed you to things. Being a masters degree applicant, you must have ample internship and on the job experience to prove that the interest you have in this program is based on an advanced level of educational need and professionalism. This reference must be deleted. Get past vocational school and go directly to your relevant undergraduate studies. That will be the main consideration for your educational foundation in relation to the masters program.


This discussion is irrelevant to the discussion because you are telling the reviewer that you studied an unrelated undergraduate course. If you learned the job through hands on training, go directly to that discussion.

It appears that you are not qualified for the program due to unrelated undergraduate studies and lack of proper work experience in relation to the masters course. You are applying for admissions to a masters course that you do not represent any qualifications for. This motivational letter will not get past the applicant screening round. The only way your application might stand a chance is if you change it to an application for a masters degree in English. That is what you are more qualified for based upon the information you have presented.

Undergraduate / The time I broke my promise [2]

The essay will succeed in confusing the reviewer because the writer has decided to tell the story from the middle rather than the beginning. In an effort to impress, the writer delivered incomplete background information to create the foundation for the discussion. The student appears to be trying extremely hard to create an impression of being a cultured achiever. A problem that is highlighted by the fact that the writer assumes that the reader speaks fluent French and thus, can easily understand the other language indicated in the essay. An assumption that will be a major problem because not everyone speaks (fluent) French. So the whole point of the essay tends to get lost in the eyes of the reviewer. That is a negative for your application because you failed to properly explain the point of your discussion to the reviewer. Truthfully this event does not feel like it accurately represents an interest in languages.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, due to the development of medical care, human life expectancy keeps increasing [2]

The writer has taken a general discussion approach to this essay. It is understandable why he may do that since he read only the topic sentence of the prompt. The general topic does require a general discussion as presented here. The problem, is that the discussion aspect of the prompt does not use a general opinion format. Rather, it uses a comparative discussion format based on the question: Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Seeing as how the writer did not address this question in his opinion + thesis statement, and the essay does not directly relate to the question either, the writer will receive only minimal scoring for this presentation, preventing him for receiving a passing score due to an irrelevant discussion response. This occurred because the writer did not read the whole prompt. He only read the general topic and assumed that was the total discussion, which it wasn't.

Writing Feedback / The number of changes in the way people got to a city hospital from 2007 to 2010 [3]

Good work on the use of alternative keyword maps as indicated in the original diagram. The use of alternative words will result in a higher LR score as you show a definite understanding of various English words that could refer to the same meaning or, in this case, image. However, the image years do not indicate a continuous count from 2007 to 2010. The reference should have been in a comparative form for the 2 years instead as those are the focal points of the image comparison. Consecutive year comparisons are normally used when discussing or comparing graph images.

The creative use of comparison representation in the reporting paragraphs are well developed. However, the second paragraph could have used a liitle more comparison development to add to the context of the report. The analysis is rushed and should have been better presented. The last paragraph has a better analytical and comparative development.

Overall, this is an acceptable piece but the berevity of the presentation could prove to be a score breaker at only 156 words. You should try to develop more presentation sentences. The better scoring task 1 essays have at least 175 words, but no more than 200 in the report.

Letters / Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship Motivation Letter- Msc in Public Health at Debrecen [3]

The applicant does not provide any clear undergraduate education explanation that will show a strong and related academic relationship between his previous course and the current course of interest. A reference to the global, national, or local problem that the student wishes to solve is also lacking, most likely because the applicant does not meet the professional requirements of the scholarship. Internships are not always considered in place of the professional number of years an applicant has within the field of interest. The presentation of this motivation letter is too basic and lacking in more comprehensive representations of the prompt requirements to make it beyond the Step 1 - screening process. I am not confident that this motivational letter will help create a better consideration for the applicant.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1 IELTS - why adults choose to study and how to share learning fees [4]

The essay will receive an automatic failing score as it does not meet the 150 minimum word requirement. The writer has only written a single paragraph composed of 124 words, showing a lack of familiarity with the task 1 writing requirements. Since there are 2 images presented, the report and analysis should cover a total of 4 paragraphs. It is important that the writer does not go forward with his task 1 writing exercises until he becomes more familiar with the various formatting types and discussion expectations for this section of the IELTS test. The writer must learn how to write paragraphs covering analysis and comparison information, then paragraphs that report on the elements of each image presentation.

Undergraduate / Real stories - College application essay [2]

The essay is trying very hard to be deep and philosphical but fails to do so due to the repetitive manner of reference and the writer's lack of proper imagination to help the essay become more symbolic in nature and pondering in presentation. The writer has proven to have a dramatic flair when it comes to creative writing but, beyond the repeated use of keywords, does not really deliver anything beyond rehashed information in every paragraph. The essay then becomes of little interest to the reader as it is incapable of holding the attention of the reader. Due to the lack of prompt presentation, I am also unable to provide more helpful advice beyond this general observation.

Writing Feedback / What, in your opinion, would be the most important elements of an ideal world to live in? [2]

The writer has over-written this essay with almost 400 words in the presentation. This type of presentation is unrealistic and cannot be met during the actual test due to time constraints. The writer has simply gone overboard with his writing, with complete disregard for the timing considerations of the task. This is the main reason that this essay will fail in an actual test. Too much discussion means the writer will run out of writing time and end up with an incomplete essay, which will automatically get a failing score. The writer must learn proper time management within the alotted time frame.

The writer has also made a claim of absolute certainty in the first sentence, which is not a part of the original presentation. Rather than simple restatement and direct question responses, he instead began to discuss the topic in the incorrect paragraph. Another error that will lead to a failed test score.

Undergraduate / My creative and original thinking- Who you are-UBC essay [2]

You seem to have misread the topic focus of this statement. You are constantly referring to "I" when the essays asks about the way other people view you as a person, in specific relationship settings. Your overall response is improper as you do not explain how others have created an opinion of you, which is the whole point of this statement. You need to write a new essay. Delete this version in totality. It was not written in accordance with the prompt requirements. The point of view should come from the "They" perception rather than "I".

You need to also work on a single achievement you are proud of. That section of this essay does not meet the representation requirements either. You have too many representation topics, but not one of them refers to a moment you are proud of. You only need to present one, not several.

Scholarship / Patna resident - Study Plan to improve foreign languages (Korean, English, etc) for KGSP [3]

It is important that you do not make any claims of language usage perfection in the presentation. After all, this is called a Study Plan and not Language Perfection. So revise your essay to focus on how you plan to continue perfecting your already intermediate English skills. The reviewer wants to know about language study plans, not your analysis of your English language abilities.

You have not explained how you are learning Hangul at this point. Your reference to watching Korean films, but not really moving to study the language until you decided to apply for this scholarship will result in your creating a negative image of yourself with the Korean reviewers. You are coming across as not really being interested in serious language studies, regardless of which language you are presented with or required to learn.

Writing Feedback / More and more people are seriously overweight. The solution to this problem. [2]

The writer has not provided a simple restatement of the topic. When rewriting the topic presentation, the personal opinion presentation or any other information reference must be avoided as it changes the original topic projection. When the topic representation carries added information, the examiner will have no choice but to reduce the possible score for that section since it is no longer in accordance with the original content presentation.



The extent response is correct but not properly formatted for the presentation. Consider that the second half appears to run counter to the measured response and you will understand why the score will be faced with deductions. Had the writer framed this as " I agree that this is a brilliant suggestion to the extent that this isn't the only way..." then the writer's opinion + thesis statement would not appear to be contradicting each other.

The concluding paragraph must not contain additional discussion presentations anymore. It must only restate the topic, writer's opinion, and reasoning subjects. When new information is included, it will not be given a score and will instead, force deduction upon the concluding paragraph due to incorrect discussion format problems.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: scientific research - who should take responsibility? [2]


The writer must remember that the paragraph needs to contain only basic information to meet the restatement + opinion requirements. The one thing that it must refer to is the personal opinion of the writer. Yes, a thesis statement is an opinion representation. However, it does not go into a detailed discussion yet. That is the problem with this presentation The first sentence is the writer's personal opinion, which altered the topic statement and thus, will result in deducted points. Good work on the thesis statement though.

The first reasoning paragraph is unnecessary and will not be helpful in the scoring of this essay. That is because, the essay requires 2 supporting reasons for the writer's opinion. The explanation supporting the opposite point if view us unwarranted and will not be considered as a part of the C+C considerations. That paragraph creates an under developed reasoning presentation instead.


Points lost for lack of conviction and convincing reason for the writer's opinion. The opinion went from clear and assured, to uncertain. Which means the overall discussion is not projecting the clarity of the writer's opinion. The main score is based on the strength of the writer's reasoning presentation. Any points of uncertainty adversely affect the score.

Undergraduate / Purdue can assist me in exploring the field of computer science in far greater detail [2]

Simply mentioning the professors names does not mean that the classes will support your interests. The focus changes from the subject to the personality when you name drop this way. The focus has to be on the subject rather than the teacher. Talk about what you hope to learn in the class or what skill you wish to develop, without mentioning a particular professor as who teaches the course is irrelevant when compared to the learning opportunity that will be presented to you.

The essay is too focused on the academic aspect both in and out of the classroom. For the outside the classroom part, try cast a wider net by including the reference to the non-major related activities and interests you can pursue at the university. Consider the question "How can I become a well rounded person and socially diverse part of the student community?" For this part of the statement.

Scholarship / Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship Motivation Letter / Electrical Engineering at Debrecen. [6]


It is better not to refer to any age bracket in this case. The reviewers tend to believe less in the "kid" point of view. However, they will accept this belief based on a current age mindset. If you read the paragraph without the "kid" reference, you will see that it becomes more impressive and serious in meaning, which is exactly what you want the reviewers to feel when they read the letter.


You have not explained why you believe that the EE program of the university you are applying to is the best option for you. Why this university? What impressed you about the university and their EE program? Why can't you just study in your home country instead? There is no reference to, nor consideration of these discussion questions.


No, this is not worth mentioning. What is worth mentioning is a deep insight into the program curriculum, what interests you about it and why you believe the standard training you received in HS is enough to qualify you as a student under this program

Letters / A toy car - Stipendium Hungaricum MA motivational letter [2]


This reference does not tie in with the earlier story in the paragraph. The implication was along the lines of you having an interest in mechanics or electronics. Definitely not fashion desigh. Since this is an MA application, it will be better if you do not refer to this paragraph. Instead, focus on the professional experience you have had over the past 2 years or more, that have motivated you towards higher learning and advanced training.


This is unnecessary. You do not need to mention your duties and responsibilities as you are not applying for a job but a scholarship.


These are generic reasons. How does the interior design field of Hungary influence your decision? I am guessing that you are applying for such a masters course right? Right now, you are not really on a definite learning path as your essay is constantly referring to varying interests, which may lead to a lack of clarity in your presentation, thus working against your application. Is it fashion design or interior design? I really cannot tell and neither can the reviewer. Focus. Write the motivation based on the actual MA you are applying to.

Undergraduate / STIPENDIUM HUNGARICUM ESSAY - BA OF ECONOMICS [6]


The reviewer already knows that you are interested in studying at a university in Hungary. The question you have to answer is "Why?". Open not with a silly reminder of what you are writing the letter for. Rather, tell the reader why you are writing it. Why do you want to study Economics in Hungary? What sets the country and its universities apart from the others? How were you influenced by the notable Hungarian economists? How did knowing about these people influence your decision to follow in their footsteps? Impress the reviewer from the start. Don't waste the opportunity to make an impression as you are now.


No. Your primary goal is to study, nothing more, nothing less. Do not make the reviewer think that you just want to use the scholarship for means other than what the scholarship is meant for. Either rephrase that part or do not mention it at all.

Writing Feedback / Travelers using different commuters to work in Houston, their average age, transport' CO2 emission [2]

Although you wrote 163 words, way above the basic requirement, you have not done a good job at analysing the images provided. You also did not follow the correct presentation paragraph format for the report. There is no clear summary indicator nor trending statement which further adds to the failing score consideration for this report.

Kindly remember that when 2 images are presented for analysis and reporting, the writer is expected to present a 4 paragraph essay covering:

- Summary + trending statement
- 1st image analysis
- 2nd image analysis
- Comaprative analysis of the two images

When this presentation format is not followed, and a compressed report, which is obviously written without regard for clarity, the exam taker is risking receiving a failing score. This essay, will definitely not pass the test.