Writing Feedback / Multiple short school-free days or one long vacation for children? [3]

Writing IELTS task 2

more shorter or one longer - which vacations suit children better?

Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while other believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view.

There is a debate with regards to vacation of children, whether to have multiple short school-free days or one long vacation. Short vacation can help children to rest and relax in between studying while a long vacation may help students to have a big break from school and go back with new perspectives and renewed desire to be in school again. In my opinion, I think short vacations for a few times are better for children because they have something to look forward to after studying hard and enough days to enjoy the outside world of school.

Some schools offer a long vacation only for one time. Others believe that this can help the students focus more on studying than taking a break. Children will be able to learn if they have longer days in school and their single vacation is their time for themselves to be free from staying in school on a longer basis. For instance, students who will be away from their classrooms will discover things that cannot be learned from school. With that, children can also gain knowledge thru experiences.

However, some people argue that multiple short breaks from school have more advantages. One of which is children will have something to be excited about when their class ends. When they have vacations for a few days, it can refreshen the children's minds from all the studying that they have done. A lot of schools give multiple vacations to their students because they want to give them a break from studying. As a result, students after their vacations have rested and ready for a new batch of learning.

Personally, I believe that being away from school in a short period but multiple times has more positive effects on children. They can gain knowledge in school and also out of it, that can mold them as a better person in the future. It can also help them to enjoy their youth and learn at the same time. I think getting few school-free short days will make the students appreciate their school time more because being away from it can make them miss their classmates, teachers or even school activities. As an example, I used to look forward to see my friends in school after taking a short vacation with my family because it made me want to share what I did to them, which helped me to gain interpersonal relationships with my classmates.

In conclusion, both practices can be beneficial to children. The outcome, whether they have shorter or longer vacations, is the same, students will be able to take a break from the hustle and bustle of school festivities.

I would like someone to grade this essay. To be honest, this topic was difficult for me, but since I know I can't pick my question to the actual ielts examination, I gave it a try.

This is my first post here, by the way.
I would also like to know if I approached the question right? Did I use the right format?
I know my essay is too long(especially the intro), i guess i got stuck on 'i should have 5 sentences in every body paragraph'.
I think I was redundant as well but I just couldn't think of any ideas when I made this essay, if possible, can you suggest what should I shorten or give more emphasis?

Correcting my grammar is highly appreciated too.
Thanks in advance.

Writing Feedback / To what extent do you agree that letter writing is disappearing? IELTS 2. [4]

Due to the use of the computers and mobile phones, letter writing is disappearing. To what extent do you agree?

the disappearance of letter-writing

In modern world, letter-writing is now replaced by the computers and cellular phone. I strong agree that writing thru letters is not popular nowadays. The birth of advanced technology made the old-fashion way to communicate cease to exist.

Decades ago, writing letters used to be the only way to talk to your family or friends who live far away. Computers or mobile phones were not invented at that time. People write and send letters to reach out to their loved ones, but now, because technology keeps advancing, the easiest way to contact others is thru cellphones or computers. As a result, almost one out of ten people write letters to send messages. Most of them are probably living in a third world country such as India, where technology is not as advanced as the other countries.

Personally, when I was in my early teenage years, I used to write letters to my cousins and friends to know how they were doing. However, when I reached fourteen, my father bought me a cellphone as a gift, and at that time, Nokia was the popular brand. Since then, I started using my phone to almost everything, but most of all, to send messages or talk to my friends and family. Because of that, I could not even remember the last time I wrote a letter to someone. Nevertheless, computers and mobile phones made communication easier and faster.

With the disappearance of letter-writing, the use of technology, mainly laptops and cellular phones, is more embraced by the society. For that reason, less and less people use their hands and pens to write, but rather, type or swipe to talk to people from all over the world. Therefore, today's modern world is starting to lose it's old touch of doing manual love letters or invitations.

This is my second essay with a four paragraph format. I am not sure if I can use this format but 5 would be hard to make. I hope someone can correct my mistakes and grade, if possible.

I made this essay right after my first post here. So you might notice that I may have the same mistake from my first essay.

Thank you in advance for the criticisms. Feel free to be direct.

Writing Feedback / Unhealthy activities that most people do and how to change them. [4]

Science tells us about the activities which are good for our health and others which are bad. Millions of people all over the world knows this and still do unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it?

BAD OR UNHEALTHY ACTIVITIES THAT PEOPLE NEED TO CHANGE.

With this modern day and age, most people still practice activities that are unhealthy despite the knowledge that these are bad for them, such as smoking and alcohol drinking. I believe that one of the reasons is because some bad things feel good that people cannot fight the temptation it brings.

The most commong thing that people do even though it bad for their health and yet they keep doing is smoking. As a health care professional, I know that nicotine that comes with smoking can cause cancer, and yet most of my friends, who are also in medical field, are smokers. It is ironic that health advocates who advice that smoking is bad, are also doing the same thing. My colleagues tried to quit smoking but could not, as they have said, their bodies just crave the smell of nicotine and the high it brings to them.

Another habit that people cannot stop doing is drinking alcohol. Stress is usually the cause of it. Although there is a study that a glass of wine or beer everyday can be considered healthy, millions of people consume more than that on a daily basis. Despite knowing that too much alcohol in our system can result to drunkenness that might lead tgem to actions they will regret, people still intake alcohol like it is water, because for them, beer tastes good and it is fun to get drunk.

Those activities mentioned above are two of the most popular activities that most people do even when it it bad for them. Self-control, I believe, is the best way to avoid this. With that, discipline follows and it can help people to change or stop these bad habits.

In addition, some countries put high prices on cigarettes and liquors as a way to help everyone in controlling the unhealthy activities they do. However, I believe that knowing that something is bad for you should also reflect to your actions and lifestyle. As the famous saying goes, change starts with you.

Thanks in advance for the future criticisms. I hope applied the corrections from my previous mistakes.

Writing Feedback / The advantages and disadvantages in using bicycles - a popular way of commuting or transportation [NEW]

Some people believe bicycles have a lot of advantages, whereas others believe bicycles have more disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion

THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF RIDING BICYCLES

Some people may argue that bicycles are useful, while others, believe, that they are useless or unnecessary. In my opinion, bicycles have its pros and cons, the use of it somehow depends on the rider.

One of the advantages of using a bicycle is to help people to have an active and healthy lifestyle. Riding a bike can help you strengthen your endurance and can serve as a cardio exercise. It is also helpful to public especially during traffic jams. Driving a car can be a hassle and might take longer to their destination, while using a bike is easier and faster to go through the traffic.

However, because of the bike's structure, most big cars on the road, like trucks and vans, their drivers usually do not notice the bikes coming their way that might lead to an accident, which is the top disadvantage of using bikes. With this, more and more 2-wheeler accidents are on the news lately. Another disadvantage is the price of the high-end bicycles, the light-weight ones, which are used for racing like triathlon, cost twice or thrice the regular price of the basic bicycle.

In my own perspective, every thing has its own advantages and disadvantages, although I believe that using a bike can help people in numerous ways. Physically, riding a bike can be a form of exercise, from young generations to old people, while mentally, staying in control and keeping balance can help you focus in sports and in life, lastly, financial-wise, compared to owning a car, a bike does not need to be pumped by gas or a total makeover that comes with washing which can be financially draining.

In conclusion, bicycles have been accepted as a public way of commuting or transportation, even though some people are still not convinced of its importance, I believe that bikes are more helpful to society than harmful.

Writing Feedback / Should government be fully responsible for the underprivileged people? [7]

Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people. Do you agree or disagree?

DISADVANTAGED PEOPLE SHOULD BE TAKEN CARE OF BY THE GOVERNMENT

With more and more people getting unemployed and homeless, there are discussions that the administration must do something about it. In my personal opinion, I disagree that the government should be fully responsible to underprivileged people.

Nowadays, with the decrease demand of employment, there is an increase amount of people without a job. Society thinks that the government should provide jobs for these people. Although there are job fairs all over the world, still, not everyone is getting hired by the companies. Hence, it is not the government's responsibility to give jobs to every unemployed so they can afford to live. The authority is there to assist but not to take care of their needs.

As a result of unemployment, there are those who are homeless or living by the streets. Arguably, this is also one of the government's problems that need to be adressed. However, the help is limited, they can provide temporary living arrangements to the homeless but they cannot give permanent accommodation.

I believe that it is not the government's sole responsibility to provide basic necessities to people at disadvantaged. There are thousands of people who do not have a job, or without a place to live, because of this large number, the government cannot spend the public's money solely on them. This might have a negative effect such as being dependent on the government, that might result to more people taking advantage of public's money.

With that in mind, I still stand on my belief that the government should not be the one to give care for homeless and jobless individuals. The administration, however, may help them by requiring new companies to employ people or some organizations that provide house loans to assist the needs of these people.

Writing Feedback / Online education as a replacement to traditional education. Which is more benefitial for a student? [3]

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

ONLINE EDUCATION AS A REPLACEMENT TO TRADITIONAL EDUCATION.

As technology advances, education thru internet is embraced by the society. While others believe going to school is still the best way to learn. In my opinion, traditional education has more benefits than online education.

E-learning is an online way to study. Instead of going to school, students will be in front of their computers instead of boards. Some people prefer this kind of education because it is more accessible and less hassle to the students and even to educators. Laptops and internet are all they need for this to work.

However, there are other people who think that being present in the classrooms and face-to-face to their teachers are more conducive in learning. Traditional education involves personal participation that can help the students be active in school activities. Going to school may help young people to interact with other students that can also give them new learnings and different perspectives that they may not achieve by being online.

From my perspective, I believe that sitting in a classroom, listening to the teachers and communicating with other students are better for learning. If a student is present in school, he can raise his hand and ask questions personally whenever he does not understand something. While in e-learning, from my personal experience when I was in college, most videos are recorded, and a professor talked nonstop about his or her specialty. Because of that, I was not able to learn anything but was forced to listen and sit in front of the computer and watch my teacher talk.

Therefore, I still stand on my belief that traditional education have more benefits than internet education. Though being online is the easiest way to learn, it still cannot replace the old-fashion way to absorb knowledge and gain new information by being present in a room full of students and infront of the teacher.

I think this is a weak essay, but I still want to be graded and reviewed so I would know how to correct my future essays if i encounter with the same prompt.

Thank you in advance!

Writing Feedback / Causes and measures to overcome overweight. [4]

Today, more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

OVERWEIGHT, WHAT ARE THE CAUSES AND POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS TO THIS PROBLEM.

Obesity has been a health problem until now. Fast food, I think, is one of the primary reasons of this problem. This essay will discuss the causes of overweight and possible solutions to solve this issue.

With the increasing amount of fast food chains, coming out like mushrooms in cities, the number of people who are above their desired weight are rising too. Fast food restaurants serve high caloric and greasy snacks with carbonated drinks that can gain weight and also unhealthy to the body. As a result, more and more people become obese because of its accessibility and easy preparation.

Another cause of overweight is stress. When people are stressed, they tend to relieve this by over eating. Some may even call it, stress eating. Also, because of the hustle and bustle life in the city, people forget to eat right on time or prepare healthy food which results to purchasing take-out food.

The government are taking measures to stop this erratic health problem. As a popular adage goes, prevention is better than cure. By spreading awareness and education people to a healthy lifestyle, this can help the public to avoid unnecessary food intake and practice healthy living such as promoting exercise and activities that can lose weight. Moreover, a healthy lifestyle can reduce the feeling of stress, by having enough energy for work, physically and mentally, thus, hitting two birds with one stone.

All things considered, taking care of one's health should be on top of the list. Overweight is a problem that must be eradicated as soon as possible. To overcome this, awareness, with a combination of action to a healthy lifestyle should be practiced.

Writing Feedback / Robots are dangerous invention to the society. [3]

how robots can affect human lives?

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT ROBOTS ARE IMPORTANT FOR HUMANS TO DEVELOP THEIR FUTURE, WHILE OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS A DANGEROUS INVENTION THAT WILL IMPACT SOCIETY NEGATIVELY. DISCUSS BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

There is an ongoing discussion about how robots can affect human lives. While some people think that robots are dangerous, few people support its purpose that can help humans in the near future. I, however, believe that these human-like machines can be harmful to the society.

In this modern world, the invention of robots and its use are being popular. Some people believe that these battery-operated machines can develop the future of human beings. If engineers create more robots, these machines can help the workers by minimizing human work. As an example, some factories in Japan are now being labored by robots, because of their efficiency and calculated movements, the amount of job done is doubled compared to human labor.

However, as the demand for robots rises, more and more people will lose their job. Companies replace human labor to machine labor which can impact negatively to the human race. Picturing the future, the machines built like human beings are going to invade the world. People will be jobless and social interaction will lessen because these robots are controlled by computers and have their own functions depending on how they are programmed.

Therefore, I personally think that robots have negative influence to the society. These machines will not improve the future but rather take over the lives of human race. The society might think that robots can make people's lives easier, but in the long run, these will control people instead of the other way around.

With this in mind, the society is still weighing the impact of the robots to human lives. The future holds the capacity and function of human beings compared to the computer-operated machines and its purpose to mankind. I still believe that as long as humans can manage and control the use of robots, it will help people rather than replace them.

I will appreciate any criticisms and grade you can give me.
Thanks in advance.

Writing Feedback / Banning of private cars and permitting public vehicles in city centers. [4]

Some cities have vehicle free-days where private cars, trucks and motorcycles are banned in city centres. Only bus, bicycles and taxis are permitted in the city centres. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?

PUBLIC VEHICLES only IN CITY CENTRES

There are some places that public vehicles are allowed to pass and there are also that forbid private cars on certain days. This kind of strategy to all transportations are being implemented in most cities. I think this has more pros than cons that I will explain further.

In this ban, people with cars and companies that use trucks in exchange of goods are at disadvantaged. Their products can be delayed while business men who travel with their own cars are not allowed to use them. Thus, it creates a hassle to figure out a different way or transportation to go from one place to another.

However, there are more advantages than drawbacks. First, it reduces car congestion in city centres. Trucks are huge, and buses, are the same too. Dividing the days that these large vehicles can travel will give more space to other vehicles. As a result, traffic jams or any car accidents will decrease.

As an example, In the Philippines, their President implemented a window period that allows trucks and other heavy container cars in using city roads. There are only certain areas that they can enter. Thus, minimizing traffic and providing more room to other cars. They also have a system that controls the number of vehicles on the road. The last number of every car plate has an indication that there are specific days that people can not use their cars and they call it 'coding'.

Therefore, I believe that there are more benefits for letting the public transportations including bicycles in city centres as presented in this essay. Giving private ones, like cars, trucks and motorcycles, a rest to the road is an advantage to the city and public.

Writing Feedback / Building and its appearances - the exterior look is not so important as usefulness? [3]

When designing a building, the intended use of the building should be taken into account rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

BUILDING AND ITS APPEARANCES

In architecture, while it is important to design a building by it's purpose, the exterior should not be of concerned. I, however, disagree to this statement. The reasons will be explained further.

Architects design building by their use. For example, a coffee shop should be cozy and comfortable-looking for the clients. Therefore, designers will create a look that is intended for coffee lovers. Aside from that, not only the interior will be full of art the exudes coffee but also the outside appearance of the shop.

To attract costumers, it is important that the first line of business is appealing to the buyers. Thus, when people see a building that is well-thought out or creative and reflects what its purpose then it can help gain more clients. As a popular adage goes, first impression lasts.

With than in mind, I believe that outward appearance is as significant as the inward appearance of a certain building. As a person, people judge a human being by his or her looks, hence, it also applies to the buildings we cee in the city. If a certain establishment is not pleasing to the eye, people will not go inside or check that place out but would rather tale a step back or walk away from it.

Ultimately, the exterior of a building should not be set aside by the designers. Although the interior is essential in creating buildings, the design outside can also make or break the purpose of it. As it is the first thing that people see and appreciate.