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Posts by nida26
Name: Nida Dusturia
Joined: Mar 14, 2016
Last Post: Aug 18, 2016
Threads: 30
Posts: 19  
From: Indonesia
School: Telkom University

Displayed posts: 49 / page 1 of 2
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nida26   
Mar 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / People do not have to bother to cook complex meals because of their unhealthy fast foods [3]

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

These days, eating fast foods are becoming popular for the inhabitants in several countries. Some people believe that the existence of fast food will simplify to do housework, particularly for cooking. However, I strongly agree that consuming fast foods regularly will cause several problems on both families and societies.

The presence of fast food is a solution and good choice for the inhabitants who have a lot of bustle for working and doing their activities. This is because they will have better time without struggling to cook complex homemade food. For example, house wife does not need to prepare lunch for husband and children in the early morning due to the food can be bought later that day everywhere. This means that these fast foods can save time and effort for the people in their life, especially to cook some meals.

However, I extremely believe that fast foods have some drawbacks for families and societies. Firstly, the consumption of fast food is related with health problems. Fast food has low nutrition and unhealthy ingredients, like it has high levels of sugar and calories. It can cause obesity, diabetes, heart disease and even cancers. In addition, the fast food can affect the relation with family, they do not share the common experience of same food or taste anymore, because they order the different menus. Moreover, international fast food can replace the local cuisine, which is the identity of region. It can damage the cultural values of the nation.

To sum up, although the people do not have to bother to cook complex meals because of their fast foods, I firmly agree that fast foods have several issues which have negative effects for people's life.
nida26   
Mar 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 2 - Children Get More Pressure in This Era [2]

Hello Inastia. Your writing is good. I want to check your writing. Please correct me, if I have mistakes

Your Introduction:
In this modern era, competition among children ...

In my opinion, you have missed the coherence of your introduction between your first sentence and second sentence.
Here is my suggestion for your introduction:


In this modern era, the society has high expectations and hopes for their children. The society will give more emphasis for the young generation to fulfill their desires. However, I strongly believe that today's children get more stress than in several decades ago.

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Negative Effect of Fast Food Domination [5]

Hello Mr. Yonathan. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay
Please correct me, if I am wrong

I try to paraphrase your introduction for your consideration. Here is my suggestion :

Global fast foods have replaced traditional diets ...

Over time, global fast foods have become popular for a plenty of people in several countries (HOOK). As such, it has replaced traditional diets and it have brought a plenty of negative effects on both families and communities. However, I extremely believe that this developing will be vey detrimental to inhabitant's lives.

Thank you :)
nida26   
Mar 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The figure of four different features were mostly interested in 2003 and 2013 [4]

Hi, Nela
You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay.
Please correct me, if I am wrong.

Your introduction :
The figure of four different features which were [...] gaining the enormous alteration of the proportion.

I try to paraphrase your introduction for your consideration. Here is mine :
A comparison of different features which were mostly interested in 2003 and 2013 is presented in two pie charts.Overall, it can be seen that the favourite features were film/ music and travel in both years.However, books and clothes were the least popular features.

First body: You could explain about film/ music and travel
Second body : You could explain the other two features, books and clothes

Beside that, the number of words in your essay is 147 words. Actually, you should increase the total of words in this essay at least 150 words for Writing Task 1.

Thank you
Regard - Nida :)
nida26   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The diagram presents the several processes for rainwater recycling [2]

The diagram shows how rainwater is reused.

The diagram presents the several processes for rainwater recycling. The results of water recycling can be used to fulfill people's daily usage. Then, the excess water will flow to the river.

Initially, rainwater which falls to the earth is stored in a special place which is called Dam. Afterwards, the water is flowed into Water Treatment Plant for purification, and this clean water can be used by the people for their household needs and daily usage like cooking or drinking. Furthermore, the water which has been used becomes waste water, and it is supplied to Wastewater Treatment Plant. This water will be recycled and flowed back to the home, whilst the excess treated water is sent to river.

In addition, the falling rainwater is also collected in Rainwater Tank which is located around the house. This is different from the previous, the water does not pass the purification process, so it can only be used for watering the local environment. Eventually, the storm water due to rain will soak into the ground and return to the river automatically.



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nida26   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of citizen access to recent technology in Britain throughout eight years. [3]

Hi Wahyu. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me if I am wrong

The chart provides information about the percentage of citizen access to recent technology in Britain throughout eight years.

Overall, there was a noticeable upward trend in the access of modern technology in UK . As regards, the access of CD player and home
You should not put "overall" in the first body. I think you should put it in the introduction.

It can be seen that the use of CD player showed the highest percentage otherwise the internet access illustrated the lowest percentage but the most remarkable upward trend occurred in a short time.

It is a conclusion. I suggest you to put this conclusion in introduction

I try to rewrite your introduction
The line chart illustrates the percentage of citizen access to recent technology in the UK from 1996 to 2003. Overall, there was a noticeable upward trend in the access of modern technology in the UK. However, the use of CD player showed the highest percentage, the internet access illustrated the lowest percentage.

Actually, Britain and UK are different.
Great Britain (or simply Britain) is made up of England, Scotland, Wales.
United Kingdom (UK) is made up of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

So, you cannot paraphrase the "UK" with the "Britain"

The last, I suggest you that every paragraph must be consisted of at least three sentences.

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The changes which have occurred in West Park Secondary School, [2]

The diagrams show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950

The maps illustrate the changes which have occurred in West Park Secondary School, over 6-decade period beginning in 1950 and ending in 2010. A significant change is the replacement farmland and houses with car park and science block over 60 years. However, there was remained unchanged in the school and the main road.

To begin, the most noticeable change was shown when the farmland in 1950 was constructed with a sports field in 1980 and a car park in 2010. Moreover, 1950 saw a several houses. It was redesigned to be a car pak and science block in 1980 and 2010.

Furthermore, the playground experienced a slight change over the years, because the only difference was extensive of its area. There was a quite small sports field next to the play ground in 2010, while in 1950 there was no sports field. Interestingly, the main road and the school stayed unchanged over 60-year period.



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nida26   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - The Demographic Growth in US State of Oregon [3]

Hi, Adrian. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me if I am wrong.

The line graph gives information about the demographic growth...
The line chart illustrates the number of population growth in the selected countries in the state of Oregon from 1940 to 2000, and it is measured in thousands. It is noticeable that that(double "that") while in the whole period displayed ...

In 1940, the most crowded city was Washington, at 75 thousand , and much fewer people wanted to live in Columbia, only about 25 thousand . 30 years laterOver the following 30 years , population in Washington leveled upincreased dramatically to approximately 128 thousands . Slight improvements were shown in Columbia and Yamhill, spotted at 32 thousand and 45 thousand respectively.,

In the end of the period, the sequence had not altered with Washington still breaking a record at 248 thousand . Interestingly, the number of citizens in Columbia and Yamhill went up gradually by virtually the same figure, at roughly 12 thousand .

You have mentioned the measure in introduction, so you do not need mentioned it again in your body paragraph

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Comparison of Energy Production [3]

Hi, Desty. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong

Your introduction:
The picture described the differences of energy output happened in 1995 and 2005. Overall, it can be seen that generally the use of coal and gas witnessed the most dominant for energy production among other different resources.

You have to know that every paragraph must be consisted of at least three sentences. So, you need to add 1 more sentence .

I try to rewrite your introduction. Here is mine:
A comparison of different production of energy in 1995 and 2005 is presented in two pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that the dominant energy produced were coal and gas over 10-year period. Nevertheless, the least production of energy was other resources.

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / It can be noticed that most of the air from the basement flow into the house. IELTS Task [2]

The diagram shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because air getting into and out of the house.

The diagram illustrates how the circulation of air in a house. As such, it causes heat losses and energy wasted. Overall, it can be seen that most of the air in the basement flow into the house. However, the air in the first floor and attic flow out of the house.

To begin, air leaks in several parts of the house. In the basement, the air flow into the house thru the window. It also comes through crawl space and outdoor faucet which is interconnected each other. Furthermore, only a small portion of air which can come out through dryer vent.

However, in the first floor, the majority of the air flow out of the house through electrical outlet, window, door, or kitchen fan vent, and then, it moves into attic. The air also come out via recessed lights, attic hatch which leads into the roof space. In addition, there is a plumbing stack vent in the house from basement until attic.
nida26   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - The Process of reusing the rainwater for household - diagram [2]

Hi, Inastia. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong

The diagram presents the process toof reuse the rainwater for householdbasic needs by several treatments. Overall, it can be seen that there are different wayways to provide utilization waterwater utilization in house. However, some steps drain the excess water tointo the river.

Then, the collected water is streamedflowed to water treatment plant which is processed to available to be consumed by ...
... can be stored byon the rainwater tank that is directly connected towith the house.

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Replacement of many green areas with several houses and other changes in the village of Stokeford [2]

The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010.

The maps illustrate the changes which have occurred in Stokeford village from1930 to 2010. The most noticeable change was the replacement of many green areas with several houses. However, there was a slight difference in the change of its area, particularly on the size of the region.

To begin, 2010 experienced a significant difference in the development, particularly the loss of the farmland in several areas. Furthermore, in 1930, farmland located in North East of Stakeford had redesigned with the complex of houses. This situation was same with farmland next to River Stoke, farmland had changed to housing area. In addition to this, the gardens and the shops had also altered with a wide range of houses.

Furthermore, there were some buildings which have slight change between 1930 and 2010. This difference had occurred in the extension of its territory, like primary school and large house. As such, in 2010, the school and retirement home had become larger than in 1930.



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nida26   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / I strongly agree that the increasing number of global population is the biggest issue to deal with [2]

To continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time.
What are the causes of this continued rise?
Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?


In this contemporary era, the population growth in this world year-by-year will become a huge issue faced by citizens. There are plenty of causes of this continued increase. However, I strongly agree that the increasing number of global population is the biggest issue which the people would deal with it.

Every year the rising number of world's population is caused by several factors. Some inhabitants in remote area believe that having many children will bring a boon or sustenance in their family. As such, they do not have and follow the family planning system and modern method birth control which is already regulated by the government in several countries. In addition, the development of sophisticated technology, particularly in medical technology, will decrease the mortality rate due to various malignant diseases can be cured. As a result, the average life expectancy in global population will be higher than before.

Therefore, I firmly agree that the increase of human population number will affect several problems for the whole society in this earth. This overpopulation can cause the local environment issues. For instance, the rising of population will be directly proportional to the increase in private vehicles used by each people. This led to a growing number of emissions which come out from people's private conveyance, and it can worsen air quality in this world. There is no doubt that the population growth will become the most pressing issue faced by inhabitants.

To sum up, the increasing population issues are caused by the own people's activities. Furthermore, I totally agree that this can affect a lot of problems, such as environment concerns. Moreover, the government should have to do several discussions to tackle these issues.
nida26   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Alterations Occured on West Side of Junior High School [4]

Hi, miss Athira. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong.

- Junior High School during six decadesover six-decade period
- The residential also altered on the west side of schoolThe home residents on the wesr side of school have also altered
- it replaced the residentialhome residents
- it replaced the place ofwith sports field

I hope to add some insights in your essay.

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The role of women as mothers is pivotal to build the character of their children [2]

Hello Yusri

There are a wide range of problems(WIDE RANGES OF PROBLEMS) on the young people(...), drugs and some severe problems others(AND THE OTHER SEVERE PROBLEMS) .

I really agree that the mother's behavior who (WHICH) does not give enough attention to ...

In recent years, some women prefer( You are supposed to use simple present perfect as you use "recent years") to work than staying in their home ...

... total of women employee is increasing in recent years(Repetition) and as a matter of fact, they do not have plenty ...
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Maternity Leave: Advantages vs. Disadvantages [2]

Hello Janfan

I will try to give you several suggestions

1. Please check the question clearly = Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Except from the usual holidays, women [...] on what kind of companies women employees are in.(Note : I cannot find your statement to answer the dquestion. You are supposed to mention "I believe that the advantages in this case outweighs disadvantages"

2. Please check your conclusion.
To summarise, women do have drawbacks in terms of their absence ...
( Note : It is better when your conclusion defines your statement in introduction part, For Example : All in all, there is no doubt that the advantages in this case outweighs disadvantages )
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Seeking for a job is the main reason why people attends higher educational institutions classes [2]

Hi, You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong

- role in enhancing life qualitythe quality of life
- need to enhanceimprove(using "enhance" is not appropriate) their knowledge.
- would be more likely to get job by employers rather than
- and skills gotwhich they have acquired during study at university.
- for increasing knowledge, experiences, orand making relationship
- chance they gotwhich they have acquired during

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Pupils have serious problems with their behaviour at school because of influence of the environment [2]

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Over time, student's behaviour in schools has become big issue in several parts of the world. It can be caused due to the situation surrounding students themselves like parents and daily habit. Furthermore, there are some solutions which will discuss in this essay.

There are various reasons why a student's behaviour becomes worse at school. Initially, the parents do not pay attention to their children. They are busy with their occupation, so they do not have much time to control and oversee their children. Eventually, these days, mostly the children are influenced by the internet and television. They tend to play game online or watch television all day rather than open their schoolbook. So, they do not have time to study and become lazy students. As a result, they will be indolent to study in school and do not listen their teacher's explanation, until cheat each other in examinations.

On the other hand, I believe that there are some solutions to tackle these problems which parents and teachers can do. Firstly, the parents are the main actor who play important role to overcome these issues. They should spend more time at home than at work and give more attention to their children. Lastly, the teachers should perform a specific approach, and give a particular attention in the school. It is expected that the teachers can understand the student's feeling, so the students will listen their teachers' advice. Therefore, the teachers can handle their pupils easily.

To sum up, pupils have serious problems with their behaviour at school because of the influence of their environment. Moreover, I would argue that there are some solutions to change student's behaviour to be better at school or at home.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The rising number of world's population makes the city becoming more crowded. Tall buildings. [NEW]

As populations grow and cities become more crowded, there is pressure throughout the world to construct ever-taller building to provide accommodation and offices. Many people object to such developments, citing the social as well as the physical dangers. Do you agree with objections to skyscrapers?

The rising number of world's population makes the city becoming more crowded. As such, it causes several emphases for the world to design tall building to make people's lives more convenience than before. However, I strongly agree that the development of high-ranking buildings can affect the social life and people's health.

These days, there are lots of skyscrapers in the big cities in this world. In several regions of this earth, the land price is very expensive because of limited land area. Therefore, designing an ever-taller building is an alternative ways to tackle this issue because there is no need the extensive size of land. In addition, the scenery of the skyscrapers which people see from the window can reduce the employee's stress. This is because they can see the fascinating and sophisticated landscape. So, they can work comfortably and do their job well. Moreover, the development of high building provides more accommodation which can shorten the distance which workers have to travel to work.

On the other hand, I personally agree that the development of skyscrapers bring several drawbacks objections related with social effect and society's health. Initially, this can improve the social inequality between big cities and small towns within a country. The big cities will be more advanced and modern, while the small cities will be more retarded. Eventually, the construction process of tall building give a high risk for the workers who built it, because they work in the open high places and there are no modern technologies which can guarantee their safety.

To sum up, the development of high building indicates that modern industries are also growing in this world. Nevertheless, I agree that there are several reasons why some people object to this establishment.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Spending budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures rather than on health education [2]

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Health is an important requirement which must be considered for the continuation of people's live in the earth. Several parts of the world spend their health revenues on the development of medical technology and procedures. However, I strongly agree that this budget should for society's health education.

A plenty of developed countries tend to spend their state budget to increase the quality of medical technology and procedures. To begin, the existence of the sophisticated medical technology plays a leading role to support human survival. Nowadays, this technology can cure the serious disease faster than in past times. For instance, in few decades ago, only a few doctors who can conduct operations and it takes a long time for one operation. Compared with the present, the latest technology facilitates doctors to do their operation easily and quickly. In addition, the doctors can diagnose their illness patients accurately, with the development of diagnostic imaging techniques include X-rays, CT scans, or MRI.

On the other hand, I personally believe that the government should to spend their revenue for educating the society, particularly in health subject. The people who have high health education will be concerned about their health. With their knowledge, they will keep the body to stay fit and healthy. Then, they will try to avoid some activities which can influence the health, such as watching television or eating fast food every day. Truthfully, they want to live happily and comfortably. Furthermore, they do not want that ill will hinder their jobs or crush their activities, because they will stay in the bed or hospital all day.

To sum up, spending health budget for the latest medical technology is a way for improving the human life to cure the people's disease. Nevertheless, I agree that this revenue should be spent to educate the people about health. The government should be wise in spending health budget for the country.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / A country must have regulations to arrange and manage people's lives. [2]

Governments make many rules to protect people from danger, for example, by making people wear seat belts in cars or not allowing smoking in public buildings. However, many people believe that there are too many rules nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

A country must have regulations to arrange and manage people's lives. Some people believe that the governments have had a lot of rules which they must follow. However, I strongly disagree with this statement because the government make some regulations to protect the people from danger.

A plenty of people argue that there are so many rules which have been regulated by the governments. Therefore, several citizens do not pay attention the existing regulations and most of them violate these rules. This is because they lack self-awareness of the surrounding environment, and they just think about their self. For instance, the occupants of a vehicle must wear their seat belts in car. Yet, several people who have a short journey tend to do not wear the safety belt. When they have a sudden traffic collision, they will likely get a serious injury or even death. This will increase the population mortality rate in the car accidents. There is no doubt that the residents underestimate the existent regulations.

On the other hand, I strongly disagree that various people in some countries have been violate the rules. Many citizens in several parts in this world still obey the regulations of the government. In the South Korea, the residents have high law awareness. It can be seen that they have a queuing culture which they always do. In addition, they are also very obedient to the rules of traffic signs. When someone want to cross the main road, although there are no traffic signs, the driver stop their vehicle to allow the pedestrian. This is evident that several people still follow the rules of the country.

To sum up, some people assume that the government have made a wide range of rules these days. Nevertheless, I really disagree with this issue because some of them still follow the existing regulations. Therefore, the society should be able to meet the rules which have been made by the government for their safety.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The packaging is growing; Several companies are working to reduce waste and find green alternatives [3]

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. While others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Recently, every product or good have covered with excess packaging. Whether most of them argue that the plenty of packaging of goods is the responsibility of industries or customers should try to do not buy these products. However, I strongly believe that both industries and customers play leading role in this issue.

Manufactures and supermarkets present their good with a great deal of packaging in order to attract attention of citizens to purchase it. They tend to use none-biodegradable material such as plastic or styrofoam to package their products for preserving the products. In contrary, these materials are inorganic waste which cannot be recycled, and it can cause the environmental issue. Therefore, the industries have to use organic materials which can be recycled and do not pollute the environment for their packaging, like green cardboard. Nevertheless, I argue that the customers also take a part to have the responsibility to reduce the plenty of packaging of products.

The customer should play role to help reducing the amount of packaging. When they go to shopping, they have to bring their own plastic as a final place to put their groceries. As a result, the shopping places do not need to provide another packaging for the customer's purchasing items. Moreover, if the customers purchase the product in small amounts, the people do not need the special packaging from industries, because they can carry their goods with their hand.

To sum up, the industries have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging. Yet, I believe that the customers also have to participate to tackle this issue. Furthermore, the government should take a part to overcome this issue like making regulations for the use of plastic packaging.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Prison is one of places for offenders to rehabilitate their deeds. [3]

In many countries prisons is considered the best way to decrease crime. However, education is often argued to be more effective way. Which opinion do you most agree with?

In the recent decades, crime rates have increased in several countries. A plenty of people believe that prison is the best way to reduce the crime levels. However, I strongly agree that education is a better method to overcome this issue.

To begin, placing guilty people in prison is the best choice for decreasing the crime levels. This is because the offenders will lose their freedom when they stay in jail for a long time. Furthermore, the wrongdoer will feel alone because they will be away from family. In addition, these people will be desperate, because they lose their job and their future life. As a result, the offenders will deterrent against punishment which they get. Nevertheless, jail is ineffective way to punish the people, because prison does not stop criminal behaviour. There is possibility that if they get out of prison, they would commit a crime again. Therefore, I believe that all people from the young to the old even the offenders should get a right education to minimize crime activities.

Educating the citizens is more effective way for reducing criminal acts. Initially, improving people's moral values is one of the ways to educate them. The people will know the existing values and norms among human beings, and it can control the violence in the society. What is more, another way is making people aware of the consequences of the effect of violent behaviour, so people tend to prevent to do not do criminal act. Eventually, the best way is giving the offenders some skills during in prison. So, after they get out prison, they can build their own business with these skills.

To sum up, prison is one of places for offenders to rehabilitate their deeds. However, I personally agree that educating is the most effective way to reduce the crime levels in this world. Moreover, the government should to take a right solution to tackle this problem.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The position of women in society can influence the development of their children's behaviour [2]

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Over time, the position of females has experienced a dramatic change in society's life. The majority of women tend to be a career woman, even though it can influence the development of their children's behaviour. I strongly agree that the misbehaviour of the children is caused by a lack of attention from their parents, particularly from their mother at home.

Mother occupation does not affect children's behaviour during their daily needs are fulfilled. This is because the mother can earn extra money from their job, so they can fulfil the needs of their children and support the economy of their family. They are able to meet all the wish of their juvenile. In addition, there is more money to go to vacation, so it can reduce the levels of children's stress. There is no doubt that, the children will have a better life during their mother have a job.

On the other hand, the absence of the mother at home can affect the children's behaviour. The juveniles will feel lonely and lack of affection from their parents, especially from their mother. Moreover, most of the career women spend more time in their office than at home, so they cannot fully control the daily activities of their children. Therefore, the adolescent will do anything what they want because there is no one at home to teach the children about wrong and right issue.

To sum up, it is true that the career women become a dream job for several mothers these days. However, I would agree that this trend can cause some problems for family, particularly for the children. Nevertheless, family is always number one, and the mothers should spend more time at home than in the workplace.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The knowledge or experience from an university is very useful lesson in people's life. [NEW]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university?

In this modern era, people are required to have high education to survive their life in this world. A plenty of people attend university for several different reasons. In my view, most of these people want to compete to achieve a better life in the future.

Going to college or university is one of pivotal ways for the people in order reach their dream. Initially, knowledge is one of important part of people's life. The people must increase their knowledge and learn more skills, so they will not be fooled by other humans. In addition, post-secondary education is a good place for making new friends or networking which can help the young generation to find a great job in the next life. Therefore, they can also socialize with new people which can improve their interpersonal skills. Eventually, when they complete this high education, they will gain very valuable experience as a provision for their life in the future.

Furthermore, every people should have an ideal job to stay alive in this contemporary era. Recently, it is necessary to get a graduate degree to begin a career. In the future, the might have to study in master or doctoral degree to achieve professional success with higher job position and greater salary. In the fact that people who have a higher education would receive a higher salary. Undoubtedly, people have to study in college to have a better job for sustaining their life.

To sum up, people have their own reasons to attend higher education. Moreover, studying in university is a way to prepare the desired career. I really agree that knowledge or experience which we have gotten during in university will be a very useful learning in people's life.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Both old generation and young generation have their respective advantages to lead the company. [2]

Most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group, but some people believe that young leaders are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

These days, the majority of leaders of the company come from the older age group. However, a plenty of people assume that young leaders are better. Therefore, I strongly agree that young generation could be a better leader than older age group.

A lot of people believe that the leaders of the company should be from old generation because older age group can lead the company better than young leaders. Initially, the older age group work longer than their junior. So, they can handle and manage the problems of their company easily because they have some experience. Eventually, they also have stable personal life and they are able to tackle the problems of their life easier. So, they will not compound their personal affairs with the issues of the company. On the other hand, in my view, young generation have more ability to handle the company than the older age group.

The young leaders have a new breakthrough to improve the quality of the company. The creativity of new bright ideas is really needed to encourage the corporation. In addition, they always follow the advances of existing technology in this modern era, so the company will not be outdated. Moreover, young generation still has a high spirit for achieving their desires, and they are known as fast learner. There is no doubt that the young people will become a good leader.

To sum up, both old generation and young generation have their respective advantages to lead the company. However, I agree that young leader is better than older leader because they have more brilliant idea. The industries have to select their leaders according to their needs.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, folk tend to shop more intense even for items which they do not really need [3]

Hi, You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong

- folk have a tendencytend to shop
- which they do not require need
- have a `Kit-Kat" which is showedshown repetitively
- They buy the latest shoeshoes model
- sed by a popularwell-known(using "popular" is not appropriate) celebrity
- consequences may be faced by itshis(you should not write "its") follower.

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mentor have to check the condition of his children if they are ready or not to learn second language [2]

Some people think it is better for children to begin to learn a foreign language at primary school than at secondary school. What is your opinion? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, children already learn a foreign language from young age. Some people argue that primary school is better place than secondary school to children for learning foreign language. However, I firmly believe that this has more benefits than drawbacks.

Primary school is not the right choice for children to learn foreign language. Foreign language is not the most necessary in early age, because there are several subjects which are more important that age such as science, maths, or mother tongue language. In fact, they have to master their mother tongue language first and then learn other languages. In addition, children who learn a new language at that age will be confuse, because they should learn two languages at the same time. As a result, this could delay the development of children's first language. Undoubtedly, learning a new language in very early age is not the right decision. Nevertheless, in my view, there are also several benefits if the children learn a foreign language at primary school age.

I believe that it will be better if the children are able to learn a new language in very early age. Truthfully, young generation are known as fast learner. They have no shame to learn new knowledge because they will speak what would they want to say. The young children are easy to learn and copy through interesting games. Moreover, in this contemporary era the foreign languages are as important as other subjects. For instance, English Language is the most common and dominant language in this world. So, since in young age they have to know and learn English.

To sum up, learning foreign language for children as soon as possible is a good decision, however the mentor have to look the condition of their children whether they are ready or not. I strongly believe that teaching a new language at primary school is the best choice to improve their skills.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Information from testing and market stages is the input for design process of goods manufacturing [2]

The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.

The flow chart illustrates the different stages of manufacturing of the consumer goods. Overall, it can be seen that the consumer goods manufacturing consists of several process and several information which is used as input for earlier stages to make adjustment.

To begin, raw materials and manufactured components are stored together in storage places. Afterwards, the result are become the input for production planning process. On the other hand, product research is also designed. The designed products are used in product planning stage. Then, this planned product will be processed in several next stages sequentially which are assembly, inspection, testing, and packaging.

Feedback from testing and market stages will be the input to design process. Then, the result of market research is also used in packaging and advertising phases. The next step is dispatch process, and sale is the last stage in manufacturing of goods. Feedback from sales phase is processed in market research.
nida26   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Several steps which must be passed for making liquid chocolate [2]

The diagrams show how chocolate is produced.

The diagram illustrates the process of chocolate production. Overall, it can be seen that there are several steps which must be passed for making liquid chocolate.

To begin, the main ingredient to produce chocolate is red pods which are from cacao trees. These trees are grown in the South America, Africa, and Indonesia. After the red pods have been ripe, these pods are ready harvested. There are plenty of white cocoa beans inside of the pods. Afterwards, these beans which have been collected will be fermented together with a spread in the sun to dry. Then, the dried white cocoa beans are collected and packaged by large sacks.

Next, these sacks will be distributed by train or lorry to some manufactories for further processing. After that, the beans are roasted until the temperature reaching 350 degree. In the next stage, these beans are crushed until the outer shell removed. The last, the inner part of the beans are pressed, so the liquid chocolate is produced.
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Which one is better, young or old director? [3]

Hi. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong

A great dealA plenty("A great deal" is just for uncountable noun) of inhabitants thinks that ...

Young leaders can bring the company to success as they can create uniquecreative(Using "unique" is not appropriate and fresh idea which is never made before. For example, Mark ZurkenbergZurkerberg , who was invent Facebookthe inventor of Facebook , had established internet-based ...

He has achieved success though he was ...
... beneficial as they can produce unconventionalbright/ new(Using "unconventional" is not appropriate) business idea.

Thank you
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / A lot of people tend to build their own business rather than working in one industry. [4]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Over time, new creative business has blown up in the market of industries. A lot of people tend to build their own business rather than working in one industry. However, I believe that this has more benefits than drawbacks.

Becoming entrepreneur is a challenge for several people who want to increase their quality of life, particularly in business market. Thruthfully, to create own business brings a lot of high risks. This is because business' owner cannot get definite revenue every month or even every day. For instance, people who sell their products in the market. Every day, they have random customers. This is also possible if in one day, there are only few people who purchase the seller's product. There is no doubt that the people who want to build their own business are ready to be prepared for the challenges and risks faced in the future. Nevertheless, I believe that there are also several benefits for being entrepreneur.

To open new business is a good chance and opportunity for the society. The people do not need to come to the workplace based on the time which has regulated by the office. They have flexible time to work because they are the owner, and they can also do their job from the far place. In the fact that they have not relationship with industry which prosecutes them to work. In addition, they are able to explore their creativity and brilliant idea which they want to do to enlarge their business. Moreover, in the future, if they success with this business, they will more appreciate their work because they have created their own business with their hand.

To sum up, bright business is good chance which has to be taken for people's life in the future. Therefore, I firmly believe that there are several benefits for being entrepreneur rather than office workers.
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Young people should take a job for a few years between school and university [2]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this?

In this modern era, young generation should discover several experience and knowledge so as they do not lack of information. A lot of people argue that young age should have work experience before they go to university. However, I firmly believe that this has more benefits than drawbacks.

Workplace is one of the best ways for young people to explore their ability. They will gain a new experience which they never get in school. Furthermore, when they attend college, this experience will be useful for them to encourage their ability. For instance, there are several schoolchildren who have graduated from vocational high school. They tend to take a job as developer or programmer rather than study in higher education. With work experience, when they attend university, they have more knowledge than another people. Thus, they have a good opportunity to participate some competitions in their college. Nevertheless, I believe that this also gives several drawbacks for young generation.

Some young ages who are very interested with their job will forget to study in institutions. Their spirit to learn in academic education will be lost year-by-year. This is because the company offer them with money which they get every month. This salary can make people to forget about their desire to study. In addition, the young people who take a job before they attend college will get less salary than the people who have higher degree. In the fact that people who have a higher education would receive a higher position and higher salary.

To sum up, there is advantage if the people have experience in work before they study at university. However, I firmly believe that there are several disadvantages which can affect the future of young generation. Furthermore, the young age should be able to choose what their passion and the best for their next life.
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Plenty of people have interested to be entrepreneur based on a wide range of reasons [3]

Hi. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong

- they do not have a permanent income amount.revenue
- The impermanent incomerevenue owned
- to help them to evolvedevelop their business
- the entrepreneurs have a stronglead role (Using "strong" is not inappropriate)
- based on the some considerations which have explained

That's all for me, I hope it is helpful :)
Thank you
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The existence of electronic media can decrease the quality of relationship between people. [4]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Personal relationships are really necessary for human life to keep in touch with another people. The development of technology, particularly electronic media, is increase rapidly nowadays, and it is as media to provide a communication among people. However, I strongly agree that the existence of electronic media brings a drawback on relationship between societies.

Electronic media is the best way for people to keep in touch with another people. These days, distance is not obstacle anymore for people to communication. The community is able to interact each other through sophisticated technology such as smart phone and laptop. For example, children who live separately with their parents are still able to know the news of their family and communicate each other by text messaging, phone, even internet. Although they are in different places, they can talk face-to-face with video call. There is no doubt that the advancement of electronic media can provide the communication between people. Nevertheless, I firmly agree that the development of this electronic media brings negative effects for people's lifestyle.

In this modern era, several people are become more individual and anti social than in the past. The society is too dependent on the technology, especially their private gadget. They tend to bring their smart phone every time and everywhere. For instance, there is a gathering event between family members. Truthfully, it is a quality time among the family, but sometime each member more focuses with their gadget than talk each other. Thus, it can affect the lack of communication between people.

To sum up, the advancement of electronic media provides the communication from one place to another place easily. Yet, I strongly agree that this can decrease the quality of relationship between people. Therefore, the people should use this electronic media effectively.
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Several companies make their business just for source of money. [3]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

These days, most people build a creative business with some innovative ideas to encourage the quality of people's life. Several companies make their business just for source of money. However, I strongly disagree that if they just concentrate about how can they are able to earn much more money with their business.

The goal of every business which has built is to make money and to achieve maximum profit. Every businessman hope that their business will be successful and earn a lot of revenues every year which can provide the needs of their life. They believe that if the people can earn more money, their quality of life will increase too. This is because they can fulfil their basic needs until secondary or tertiary needs, so they will feel happier. For instance, if they feel stress, they can go to wherever place which they want to go without thinking about money. Yet, I firmly believe that the businessman also have to think about their employees and environment.

People who have their own business should think about their workers. They also should concentrate to improve their employees' skills, because it will help the development of the company in the next level. In addition, the businessman should consider regarding to their environment. They have to make business which does not destroy the local environment, like not produce greenhouse gases which can increase the air pollution in this world.

To sum up, a lot of industries argue that the function of their business is to earn much money. Nevertheless, I really disagree that they just focus to make a great deal of money.
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The purpose and the responsibility of business [2]

Hi. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong.

[...] I believe that theythe businessmans/ workers/ people(the word "they" is unclear) should not only focus on this aim then ...

[...] A company should gain high incomerevenue in order to pay forthe employees and avoid bankruptcy. [...]

Business is also regarding to their responsibility for theirthe human resource and the sustainable ...
Company have to create wise using ofuse natural resources wisely by planting back or avid deforestation as well ...

That's all for me, I hope it is helpful :)
Thank you
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Estimation of the happiness ratings with regard to married and unmarried persons. [2]

The bars chart illustrate the happiness ratings for married and unmarried people, and the couples' feeling who have children or not based on a survey in the US over all age. Overall, it can be seen that the happiness levels for married couple is higher than single people. Moreover, although whether couples have children or not, the rates of their happiness is still high.

According to the data, the rates of married society's happiness are higher than unmarried people. The couples experience more than 40% in the happiness ratings in the entire age. Furthermore, this figure is twofold higher than unmarried citizens aged under 65. Interestingly, the happiness levels for unmarried people aged over 65 witnesses much higher than another aged at 34%.

On the other hand, all the married couples have high rates in the level of happiness even if they have children or not. The figure sees above 40% in the happiness levels.



  • 12376837_12518535148.jpg
nida26   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The electronic media may be very useful for human if they can use it wisely. [2]

Hi. You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay. Please correct me, if I am wrong.

In this modern era, technology developmentthe development of technologyprovideprovides lots of convenientconvenience for human, such as electronic media. This device usageThe usage of this devicecausecauses several negative effecteffects for human relationships. [...]

[...] These days, people findface/ encounter/ experience/ have(using "find" is inappropriate) difficulties onin communicating with others as ...
... transportation for employees, most of passengerpassangers have no interaction each other ...

That's all for me, I hope it is helpful :)
Thank you
nida26   
Mar 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The survey of labour relationships of the employees versus their supervisors and fellow workers [NEW]

The charts show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships with their supervisors and their co-workers.

The pie charts illustrate the comparison of labour relationships of the employees against their superiors and their fellow workers based on the survey which has conducted in 2005 and 2009. Overall, most the workers have remarkably well bonds towards their co-workers even their bosses. In spite of, this figure experienced a slight gap over 4-year period.

According to the data, workers argued that they had extremely nice relations with their supervisors at 61% (2005) and 65% (2009). Furthermore, just above 20% of the percentage expressed good connections with the managers in both periods. While there was only a small number of workers who had fair bonds or did not have supervisor at occupation.

Moreover, this trend was also experienced by relationships among the employees. The percentage of really good connections which have been established became considerably higher at over 63% between 2005 and 2009. Then, the number of good bonds saw a steady difference in 2005 and 2009 at 28% and 25% respectively. Just under 10%, people declared that they had fair and poor relations, even a few of them did not have a partner at work.



  • 12936545_12522828414.jpg

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