Writing Feedback / Is the improvement of schools the most important factor in creating a progressed, thriving country? [4]

Improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country.

Undoubtedly, with the evolution of humankind over the past several thousand years, man has made tremendous progress in all aspects of life and become more successful. Recent technological advancements have changed the way people live radically and countries all over the world are now investigating new ways to implement in order to be more successful. In this modern society, people always encounter the dilemma on whether the improvement of schools is the most important factor in creating a progressed and thriving country or not. With regards to this question, diverse responses is given. Consequently, it is unfeasible to reach a consensus. Personally, I am on the belief that schools are the prime factors in progress of a country. In the following discussion, I would like to bolster my standpoint.

To begin with, one of the compelling reasons that justifies the thesis is that the very first step in educational process of a person starts with school. To put it in general world, the inception of people formal education are at schools. Bearing in mind the previous claim, the crucial role of schools in our life is an axiom and an indisputable fact. To shed more light on this issue, when we inscribe in school, we undergo a specific system of discipline which produces a system of manners that has a vital effect on shaping a student's behavior and if the school's discipline system acts its role correctly we will have a good mannered and successful society. For instance, when I was at school, I was taught to be at school before 7 o'clock and from that experience I learned the importance of being on schedule that has a significant upshot on my success.

Alongside with the foregone reason that elaborated above, the importance of a team work in a successful society is another point that requires meticulous attention. To clarify, due to the fact that a major part of schools chores are based on collaboration among students, this engenders a sense of team work in all students, that being said, when they grow up (maturate) and take their own significant (momentous) part in society, they cherish the ability of team work and utilize it in order to be more successful and thereby the society benefits as well and becomes more successful. Take my situation at school as an example, I was given a lot of tasks that could be done only by a team and it was impossible to perform them alone. As the time passed I was encountered some tasks that could be done alone but still I tend to do them by my team because I had understood the importance of team work. Doing the same as I grow up, I managed to accomplish a lot of arduous tasks for my country by my team and now I am very successful. Needless to say, I am a member of society that I live in, hence I contributed to country's success as well by applying the method that I learned at school.

There is no unanimity in society on the controversial issue that what the most important element of a prosperous society is. .While it seems hard to reach a universal answer, drawing upon aforementioned reasons, I deem that schools are the chief component of a successful country. To repeat the reasons a good discipline system and team work are prime factors and I think they carry more weight.

Writing Feedback / The foremost reason of unhealthy eating in today's world is the hectic life [3]

Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

These are just 3 paragraphs without introduction and conclusion

The foremost reason of unhealthy eating in today's world is the hectic life that all of us are undergoing. With the advent of new technologies, the pace of life is escalating, leaving us with a meager amount of time for food preparation and consequently the only feasible option is consuming canned and prepared foods. It is an axiom that canned foods are deprived of any nutritious components that a human body demands for routine functioning, so by devouring these processed foods, a person cannot receive the specific amount of vitamins and other necessary elements and consequently his body suffers from malnutrition that is noxious for our physical condition. According to a survey published in Times magazine, during the last century, by improving the pace of life by twenty percent, unhealthy food consumption has augmented by thirty-five percent, and accordingly the diseases relating to undernourishment has increased by fifty-nine percent which divulges the interconnection between prepared foods consumption and human illnesses that is extremely hazardous to our health.

Another compelling reason is the proliferation of fast-food restaurants. As the statistics show, the financial profit of a fast-food establishment is much more than any other businesses that leads to an incessant increase in number of the stores that renders junk-foods. In these kind of businesses, there are two crucial factors which are preparing food in shorter time and selling them cheaper. Therefore, by considering these aspects, the only option is using inferior quality ingredient that has detrimental effect on our well-being. As the FDA statistics indicate, by enhancement in number of junk-food restaurants between 2000 and 2010 and the competition among them in order to absorb more customers, the quality of foods has reduces by eighty-five percent and simultaneously the heart0-attack rate has increased by four times which demonstrates the severity of our health condition attributable to increase in number of junk-food restaurants.

The last subtle point which requires meticulous attention is the unrestrained implementation of additives in foods. As a hasty scrutinize of history reveals, human have used condiments for thousands of years for a diversity of reasons such as their delicious and unique tastes in foods or their ability to heal some illnesses. But, like everything else, excessive use of these beneficial substances could have detrimental consequences on our health. Besides, to meet the increasing demand of foods in the world, synthesized flavors were invented that are produced merely by some chemical reactions and not in nature. According to the last information published by the FAO, there are some alarming and terrifying outcomes of using these chemical seasonings and based on the same results, some countries prohibited the implementation of these artificial additives.

Writing Feedback / Childhood is not going to be repeated. Should children play for fun or compertition? [4]

(I am writing for the TOEFL exam, these are three paragraphs without introduction and conclusion paragraph. As you can see, there are two positive and one negative point and in conclusion I am going to state that although there is a negative side, positive points are more important. Is it good?) Thanks

The first and foremost reason that justifies the thesis is that the childhood era is the most precious time in our life that has momentous impact on our life and is not going to be repeated. As we all are aware, during our childhood, we should acquire the basic concept of routine life, but children are prone to be distracted and bored by academic education. This left us with one choice, learning through playing. This will have a beneficial outcome only if it contains amusement for kids and to engender fun in play, the best way is to avoid competition and play merely for fun. As a survey that monitors children learning ability conducted by the MIT University indicates, a group of children who played games for fun performed thirty-five percent better that a group of kids played games for competition.

Another equally crucial aspect that requires meticulous attention is that playing with other children furnishes an opportunity of expanding social relation for a child. This can happen only if an amicable atmosphere is available for all children. To create a friendly and congenial environment, it is imperative to avoid any competition and children should be encouraged to play just for fun. The result of an experiment published in the Times Magazine vividly demonstrates it. Children are more likely to find permanent friends in times that they play a game for fun rather than the time of competition.

The former reasons proffered above should not insinuate that competition should be omitted from daily life of child. Conversely, competing with others is the key to progress in our life and can present us a clear indication of our strengths and limitations. Therefore, it is vital to let children to compete with each other to obliterate their weak points and thrive their potential strengths. Our life is a prominent example of it, we all have encountered many competing situations in our life, especially in childhood, that have assisted us to grow stronger. For instance, by competing in a national education exam in the age of six, I became aware of my strength in mathematics and my weakness in chemistry, which in turn assisted me to flourish and progress in mathematics and dedicate more time to chemistry so as to improve in that field too.

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Writing Feedback / The dilemma of practicing the new stuff or merely following the previous approaches. [2]

Intro
Undoubtedly, with the evolution of mankind in several thousand years, man has made tremendous amount of progress in nearly all aspects of life. This advancements are mainly the result of actions performed by people who were courage enough to try new methods and things. In our modern society we always encounter the dilemma of practicing new stuff or merely following the previous approaches. Upon this question, a diversity of answers will be presented due to difference in characteristics, educational backgrounds, or even emotional concerns. However, this should not insinuate that I have an ambivalent feeling about the debated question. Personally, I, to a great extent, am on the belief that we should try out new and different methods in our daily life. In the following discussion I am going to address some reasons as considering them would enables us to acquire a better prospect.

Conclusion
All in all, there is no unanimity on the controversial subject of whether implementing new methods is good or bad among people. While there are numerous facets that can be enumerated, I purposefully elected three obvious reasons that justifies my standpoint. Needless to say, just as an English proverb goes: "a coin has two sides", the people holding the contradictory notion can proffer rational and sensible reasons as well. Accordingly, a closer scrutiny and a meticulous investigation of merits and demerits of each side of this contentious issue is needed so as to obtain a determined answer.

Writing Feedback / Should parents restrict children from tv [2]

Firstly, children should be allowed to watch only a limited number of programs on the TV because they are more emotionally vulnerable than adults. Today, most of the programs are filled with violence that can bear negative effects on kids and it is the parents' responsibility to safeguard children from these programs. One effective way is to limit the amount of time children spend on TV and allocate it only to certain programs. A study conducted by MIT University revealed that at least eighty-five percent of programs broadcasted by TV has violence in them. This clearly indicates the paramount role of parents in putting some limits on children's TV watch hour.

Secondly, physical well-being is another equally important gamut that can be jeopardized by the TV. In the contemporary era, we are suffering a great deal of (+ not plurar)(a lot of or plenty of) diseases correlated with obesity. One of the major sources of accumulation of excessive fat in our body is the result of prolonged hours of sitting in front of TV. This results in children obesity very fast which in turn will threaten their well-being when they grow up. My country's health care system's statistics is a good indication of this menacing trend. In my country, during last twenty years, the average amount of time spent on TV programs has escalated by nine times, at the same time, the average national weight has increased by five times which clearly depicts a tight relation between the amount of time spent on TV programs and obesity. Therefore, it is imperative for parents to restrict children to a certain amount of time for watching TV programs in order to protect their health condition.

Writing Feedback / It is necessary to understand the past because of the following reasons [2]

To commence, one of the compelling reasons that justifies the thesis is that our knowledge functions as a shield that protects us from physical or emotional harms. The prime source of knowledge accumulation is by being aware of our past. Practicing such manner would make it possible for us to be aware of the miscalculations performed in the past and stop doing the same. A simple example of it is that we all are aware that a hot food can cause serious damage to our mouth and digestion system. How do we know it? Merely by recalling our child hood experience that putting something hot in the mouth would hurt and burn our tongue.

Another equally important reason, if not more, is that knowing from the past creates a sense of belonging in a person. This sense is very crucial for a society to be prosperous. When members of a society are aware that they have a glorious past history, they won't perform criminal activities. This is very significant to reduce juvenile delinquencies which is an issue that all the nations around the world are struggling with it right now. A research conducted by the MIT University on twenty different nations revealed that the crime rate in societies that members are aware of their past history and have a sense of belonging is very small in comparison with nations that are not aware of their past. This vividly depicts that if we want a safe and sound society, it is imperative to give information about the past to our society members'.

Last but not least, it is also palpable to resolve our world differences and conflicts by becoming aware of the past. For instance, when we study about Africa history, we can clearly understand that they were one united and peaceful nation, unlike now. So, if they had amicable and congenial relation in the past, it is possible to have it right now as well.

Writing Feedback / TEACHERS SHOULD NOT MAKE THEIR POLITICAL OR SOCIAL VIEWS KNOWN TO STUDENTS [2]

TEACHERS SHOULD NOT MAKE THEIR POLITICAL OR SOCIAL VIEWS KNOWN TO STUDENTS

To commence, one of the compelling reasons that justifies the thesis is that students have a meager amount of time at schools. This invaluable time should be dedicated to assist learners to obtain knowledge in their field of interests. By speaking about a teacher's political or social views, students waste a great deal of time which in turns impede their learning process. Due to this fact, some countries prohibit any non-scientific topics in classrooms. According to a survey conducted by the Educational Ministry of my country, each year, forty-three percent of educational time at schools is wasted on irrelevant topics. This is near the half of total educational time. If we manage to stop this process, there will be a lot of time to improve students' scientific conditions.

Another equally important reason, if not more, is that it is possible that some teachers utilize this opportunity to advocate their beliefs even if they are wrong. Since a person beliefs are unique and peculiar, one might have a belief that is detrimental for the rest of the society and eventually harm the society. While adults have mature mind and can deliberate on issues and recognize bad beliefs from good ones, children at school cannot do the same and blindly follow an idea. Extremist all around the world are good example of it. They teach small children that cannot distinguish between right and wrong and shape their personality and belief as they want. These children have more chance to become terrorist. This clearly shows that political and social beliefs of a teacher should not be negotiated in classrooms.