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Posts by alfa7
Name: Alfa Sastra Hidayat
Joined: Sep 20, 2016
Last Post: Oct 31, 2016
Threads: 19
Posts: 22  
From: Indonesia
School: Brawijaya

Displayed posts: 41 / page 1 of 2
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alfa7   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Where Writing System Come From? [2]

Did you ever think about when the writing first comes to human civilization? Some researchers have different opinion about that. Yet the most popular theory says writing develop by three massive ancient civilizations: China, Mesopotamia and Mesoamerica. Developed of writing system was happen in Mesopotamia by Sumerian in 3000s B.C. In early their system, they use clay for writing to mark Sumerian calendar, but time by time their system had evolved to mark represented object and sound.

In 1500 B. C. in China, people use animal bones to write and predict the future. In the view of time travel fast and the system could not use bones again; nevertheless, they use metallic component to write, namely bronze. The origins of China literature influential the Japan and Korea literatures. Mayans from Mesoamerican in Mexico and Central America were create writing system in 400 B.C.

The researcher found the early writing system from Mayans in walls of many ancient structures in Oaxaca, Mexico. They write for religious approach for their God and explain how the world was created and will be end. Three of the early system of writing were influential every human's system in today's world.
alfa7   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ancient civilization attributed the original of writing to the gods. [4]

Hallo there, I want you obtain some suggestion from me, here we go:

Ancient Mayans, Sumerians,(you should use coma symbol before "and" when object you say more than 3) and Assyrians believed writing original(in my opinion your phrase is uncommon) with certain G ods (Gods or God should be start in capital word) .

The oldest form of(please check your grammar) China writing was ...
note: please you can do it more than that, please phrase and replace many words to avoid plagiarism from the original essay. carry on!
alfa7   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / EILTS Writing Taks 1 Origin of Writing in some Place [7]

hello there, I want you obtain some suggestions from me, here we go:

... was started from athausand years ago. Such as(you should just say "such" when the object which you want to explain only one) Egyptians who believe that their g od (please use first word in capital when you write God or Gods) Thoth was the person ...

... was used in contact with their g od.
... Chinese writing was found approxmately 1500 B.C.

please double check with your spelling!
alfa7   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TEDxWoman Summary: Warrior's Cry Against Child Marriage [2]

When gender equality is questionable thing in Malawi, there is a girl who named Memory Banda who rises her spirit and try to against early marriage. Due to her enthusiasm, she creates Warrior's Cry for the hope that community protect Malawian girl and child from early marriage. In respect that her effort, early marriage issue in Malawi being global interest and obtain lot of world's eyes to solve that problem.

She was talk in TEDxWomen as most anticipated speaker. She started her speech with read some poem form Malawian girl, with "I Marry When I Want" as the title. She touched every single audience and talking about her sister, who was gain pregnant when she was 11. On the ground that experiences were make her angry and want to create a brand new life in around Malawi by against array data statistic number of early marriage. She imagined in the future, Malawian women have well education and grow up before marriage.

Warrior's Cry is the first community in Malawi declare a campaign to against early marriage. Banda, realize how difficult it is, but is not impossible to happen. She does not have great technology to helps her community, she only has a small phone and she try to find many numbers of Malawian Girls and call them to teach them about negative effect of early marriage. Whereas The Warrior's Cry and Banda's Struggle, now in around Malawi, 18 years old is a legal number to marriage from 15 years old before. Her struggle is kind of how SDGs will happen when we want to tackle to contribute in it.
alfa7   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Proposition of Adolescents Attendeing Four Secondary Schools [3]

On this opportunity, these data report about propositions of adolescences whom join four secondary school types in 2000 until 2009. Those secondary school are Specialist, Grammar, Voluntary-controlled and Community Schools. In numbers talk we can see Community Schools as merely school which obtain increasing statistic index with 4.8 times from 2000 with 21 per cent up to 58 per cent in 2009. In other hand with Community Schools, Voluntary-controlled has had biggest take a nosedive in that graphic with decrease almost in 30 per cent with first data in 2000. Not only Voluntary-controlled Schools has had decreasing proposition of adolescences attending but also in other two school types had. In the fact that Grammar School are decreasing their students more than half in proposition in 2000 to 2009 from 24 amount to 12 per cent. But the smallest decreasing goes to Specialist Schools with merely one per cent almost per five years.



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alfa7   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: You can Grow new Brain Cells Here How by Sandrine Thuret [2]

Hello Yonathan, I want you obtain some suggestion for you essay from me, here we go:

Many peoples think that when ...

people was being plural noun, you should not use "s"

And then, while a human became 50 ...

conjuction and only use for connect equal things, you can use another cunjunction.

Activities like study, sleep, and running will increase neurogenesis.

you can replace "like" to be "such as"
you should replace will to be "can/could"

Food like blueberries, dark chocolate, and salmon are contribute...

note: keep writing and go ahead.
alfa7   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TEDx How women wage conflict without violence [4]

Conflict and inequality gender are all ears is like some long-life ballads, never have an ending. On the way reducing of conflict without violent, a woman who a filmmaker named Julia Bacha told about how women can wage conflict without violence. Bacha was start filming daily life of Palestine women in Budurs without thought her can campaign non-violence movement. Research by Erica Chenoweth and Maria J. Stephan told non-violence campaign 100 per cent more effective than violence campaign in 323 major political conflict slated from to 1900 to 2006. A concreate of that data was happening in Budrus, a small area in Palestine, in there a great deal of women went to front line of conflict every day and counter back the military invention without violence with their creativity. These women did 10-month unarmed struggle for hold back violence act from Israel. Bacha does not believe women are more peaceful than men yet her believe women have different power to against conflict. That's the reason why Bacha spend array of years to filming this campaign and shared into the today's world eyes.
alfa7   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / H.A.I.L. - it's the key which opens listeners ears and consciousness for spoken words [7]

Hello Erwiin1, I want you obtain suggestions from me, here we go:

There are four really powerful cornerstones,and foundations, that we can stand on ...

The "A" is authenticity, you just being yourself.
.., and being somebody people can trust you .

... wishing people well, for two reasons [what the two reasons you explain, there are in this essay? .]

please use more cunjunction and adverbial clause for your essay and keep writing longer and usual to try more advance.

note: keep writing and go ahead.
alfa7   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary - My Seven Species of robot - Dennis Hong [4]

hello Abrahamlincoln, I want you obtain some suggestion from me for your essay,

here we go:

... and they have large of quantities of rewards ...

noun clause about Quantity or Quality should use "of"

To run its business, they set 5 effective behaviours (...) nobody criticises in anybody's ideas, nobody critics any opinion.

please use "in" "on" or "at" to more explain your meaning.

... they have wacky, crazy, and brilliant idea which has ...
The second secret is to endeavour your ...

finally and ultimately use as conclution in your essay, please use it on last sentence.

note: keep writing and go ahead.
alfa7   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of 5 Things you can learn from being ugly [2]

Did you ever felt you are the most of ugly person this universe? Let us meet Robert Hoge who felt being ugly and was tell everyone what's we can learn from being ugly. Hoge, the man who has a first-sized tumor in center-point of his face. It is made array of operations to "fix" his face. He told everyone due to his ugly, yet everyone talks it is not true with beautiful words to console him namely "you are beautiful" for him it is barefaced liar.

Into consideration in the fact that he wrote an article in Times which titled "5 Things I've Learned from Being Ugly" and told us there is no vital problem from being ugly. He has a perfective about ugliness is not deficit of beauty but ugliness is own of everyone and it is as well a wonderful thing, that's the first thing of the five things. Secondly, you should be politeness to stop trying persuade the different of other people. Next, beauty is dynamic thing with constantly changing by time. Allow the kids to stay curious and learn about ugliness and we stay to teach them how to be polite person. Last but not the least, Hoge campaign to you to recognize ugliness is the major part of who we are.
alfa7   
Oct 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: How Playing an Instrument Benefits Your Brain by Anita Collins [5]

Hello Fitri12 I want you obtain some suggestions from me for your essay

here we go:

... by involving people who listened to music and played...

in my opinion. you should use "whom" because your word reverse to object.

... elements such as melody and rhythm and then put them all back together ...

you can replace too many "and" words with semicolon conjunction.

Consequently, listening to music engages inthe brain into some interesting activities.

I think engage should following by "in"

... musical instruments will practically engage in every area of the brain,..

I think engage should following by "in"

Therefore, playing musical instruments is ] able to increase the volume ...

you wrote musical instruments are going to be plural and you should use "are"

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary : Scramble to rescue tourists on slopes of Lombok volcano (source : The Times) [6]

Hello Sasariri I want you obtain some suggestions from me to your essay

here we go
... started the eruption on T uesday afternoon.

you should not use capital alphabet to write a day's name

It made people who around in that area in panic situations .
... volunteer to the nearby safety place. National Park Officials released the numbers of tourist, according to ...
The erupting BarujariBarujari eruptionMount did not made a huge impact on daily activities in Lombok, for example to the flight companies .

please use "on" "in" "at" in your essay, these words will help you to more explain.
you can replace "companies" to "schedules" in my opinion it word more related to your context.


... companies canceled their schedules and the other flights schedules were delay.

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 1, 2016
Letters / Letters of Recommendation from Professors for Obataining LoA [3]

Hi everyone, I need your help to correct and make my Letters of Recommendation more perfect, for it I say thank you so much for all of you.

from my lecturer:

It is with great pleasure and enthusiasm that I am writing to endorse X for admission. X had completed his study at Undergraduate Degree at X University with honor. He had been active and showing his seriousness and commitment during his studies. During the period I have known him as an energetic student in which he involved in social activity outside campus. Nevertheless, his academic life balanced with his organization life, it is proven by his GPA X of 4.00.

I believe Mr.X is great student. His willingness to strengthen his study is highly struggling and I believe he has a capability to be successful in his future career and he can acquire the knowledge as has been proved himself during study in X University. If you are considering him for master program, he is a very good candidate. I would highly recommend him for obtaining the Letter of Acceptance. In terms of his intellectual ability.

As a Head of the Government Science Department at X University, I firmly recommended Mr. X's intention to continue his study and hope that he will be given you favorable consideration.

Thank you for your attention.
Yours faithfully,

Name

From my Dean:

This letter for support Mr. X. He was a student of X Science Department of Faculty of Social and Political Science at X University. In my capacity as a Dean of the faculty, I have known him as independent student who was finish his study with honor and prestige academic report (GPA X of 4).

He has been active and showing his seriousness and commitment during his studies. Mr. X had shown a vast of activeness in several organization and student competition. with these experiences, he has shown to be able to work well with others and I believe this is will help him to be successful in the future.

X have both theory and practical levels, with potential to contribute not only in multinational movement but also in philosophy, politic and economic aspect. It is important to notice that X University is one of the notable university in Indonesia. As a Dean at Faculty of Social and Political Science of X University, I strongly recommended Mr. X to continue his study in higher level.

Thank you for your attention.
Warm Regards,

Name

Thank you.
alfa7   
Oct 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie chart and table represent information about three vital reasons that caused land degradation [3]

Hello Alamsyah, I want you obtain some suggestion from me

here we go

It isthese data are important to notice that over-grazing has had the biggest (...) degradation in the worldwide.
... three areas between 1990' s.

In North America, there areis 5% land degradation that ...

in my opinion you can paraphrase the numbers and per cent you make you essay more formal.

Beside, in Oceania, over-grazing had ...
Deforestation had been [you need verb-ing] the crucial reason (...) around 9,8% between 1990's.

... over-grazing had been [you need verb-ing] the vital reason of ...
... the least percentage between 2 [you should paraphrase number in under 2 digits] other reasons that (...) 28% between 1990's.

note: keep writingand go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The today's world has three major sectors which created circumstances of land degradation [3]

The world getting old by degradation of land. The today's world has three major sectors which created factor of land degradation and they were mostly happening in three hemisphere areas of our world. The three of immense sector which created this world's problem are over-cultivation, over-grazing and logging massive tree from forest or in other word we called deforestation. Overall in around the world over-grazing has place in peak of this problem with more than a third of all numbers yet in Europe has had this sector in small number with compere with another sectors'. In the second place, deforestation was arriving in this place with less than a third per cent in overall world. Accordingly, in Europe, this sector was being massive thing than other's yet in North America deforestation not are major sector was making this problem in compere with over-cultivation. Over-cultivation was being the third of immense factors created degradation of land in worldwide with almost a third in concreate number is 28 per cent. By contras in Oceania, over-cultivation has had zero per cent in the report index of land degradation factors.
alfa7   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Over-grazing was the most dominant aspect of worldwide land degradation. IELTS chart [6]

Hello Abraham, I want you gain some suggestion from me.

here we go:

... degradation in North America, Europe and Ocean Oceania during the 1990s.

Oceania means myriad island in Pasific area, some people think that a area and others think that a continetal, if you wrote "Ocean" it means sea not a Pasific Island area.

According to the given datadata given, over-grazing was (...) degradation which was supplied more than (...) reasons at 30% [you can paraphrase that number with "three in ten"] .

By contrast in other hamispharewaswere the least of effected ...

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Downloadable and printable clothing may be coming to our closets soon. [2]

Hello Goldieu, I want to you obtain some suggestions from me.

here we go:

Downloadable,and printable clothing (...) near by us.

"near" is certain word which following by "by" word.

It starts when designer Daniel Peleg's ...

please be aware about Subject Singular + V+es/s

With the 3D printing, the designers had ...

in my opinion "3D printer" needs an articel in the front of word.

Nowdays, music was a very physical but nowadays it's become a digital thing ...

the "nowdays" word should in the front of sentence.

note: keep writing and go ahead.
alfa7   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Jakarta Post Summary: Sri Mulyani Indrawati 'the soft side of the iron lady' [2]

One of the world's powerful women in this world by Forbes Magazine comes from Indonesia. She is Sri Mulyani Indrawati who as Finance Minister and former of World Bank Managing Director. In the opportunity of The Jakarta Post to have an interview with her, it was amazing with her telling myriad stories travelling around the world and has effects about decrease poverty in resource-rich but poor countries. "The World Without Poverty" that World Bank's slogan travelling around in her thought every day in former her headquarter in New York City, USA. That's taught her about humanity and optimism as asset of human.

As Republic of Indonesia Finance Minister in Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono's era, Sri was labeling as "Indonesian Iron Lady" due to helped this country from economic transition by Asian Financial Crisis in 1998's. Nowdays, she came back to Indonesia in the same place with different president. She said she would not take for granted for being Finance Minister again taking into consideration in the fact that she known Indonesia's economic issue and institution. Those do not mean she can tackle everything. Now, she concentrated with Tax Amnesty of Indonesia and gaining her target.
alfa7   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The unexpected beauty of everyday sounds by eklit Hadero [4]

Do ever felt this world around in every sun goes up and down as a teacher for everything in our daily life? Language is and silent-totally without sound- are teacher too? Meklit Hadero who from Ethiopia and a singer-song writer in rhythm and beat (RnB) genre was talk about unexpected beauty of everyday sound around our daily activities. Firstly, she starts her magnificent presentation with some rhythm sounds like a church song and every audience pay attention about it. She told about that sound which a sound from a bird with artificial tempo by human but it still a majestic nature sound. Not only bird can make that premium sound, but also myriad animal, wind, water, even human breath are the teacher of real music.

Secondly, she told about language-the truly human's heritage in modern world-created the great deal of meaning and cultures. She demonstrated some words from Ethiopian language with some accents which made natural sound and premium music. That's was amazing little thing. Last but not the least, she believed world around with music also musical in silent. It was words with much of meaning. Moreover, human life with heart-beat song and human breath system's sound. She was give us some philosophical thought about appreciate every sound which teach us to be aware also dolorous less.in the last words, she said there is no the end of inspiration, just if we keep listening.
alfa7   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Why helmets don't prevent concussions and what might; TED [6]

Hello Fauziyahtami, I want you gain some suggestion from me.

here we go:

The helmet hasn'tnot assessed the ability ...

in writing, please avoid the reducing words like "don't" or "haven't"

... concussion is more than impact butalso deeper.

conjuction "but" should explain something has a big contrast.

... turning and contorting and the tissues are getting starched.

too many "and" words

... brain tissues are 50%[you can paraphrase this word with "five in ten"] starched from the particular ...

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Free Trade System - a long-life controversy in myriad side of array of countries [2]

Question:

The free movement of goods across national borders has long been a controversial issue. Some people argue that it is necessary for economic growth, while others claim that it damages local industries. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

Answers:

A free trade system which cross the national boundary was being long-life controversy in myriad side of array of countries. People was divided into two major of thinking which have pro argument and contra about that system. My standpoint seeing this system as major half-truths in modern economic system, there are two kind of impact, the first one is looking advantages and the second one rise the drawbacks in the world's face.

In the trust with this system we could obtain many advantages. Firstly, we can increase our economic index rapidly and growing our market to more competitive than before. For example, our market and stock exchange could have bargaining position in another countries' eyes. Secondly, our country can export many things are endemic so readily. It could increase our domestic economy index. In the simple example that we could export an endemic fragrant woods namely Kayu Cendana so easily to Europe or other hemisphere in this world without the lot of bureaucracy.

On other side, myriad people think this system could be more dangerous than usual. They think that system has array of drawbacks. For the was happening is the lot of countries was relying on to another and it cannot rise their economic independently. Due to those countries too dependent with supplies from another. If these supplies will run out, those countries cannot do any things. In alternative way, if we argue to insert free trade system cross our sovereignty border we can tackle any problems with myriad problem solving. We could create a great deal of regulation in our parliament which still shield our sovereignty of nation.

Ultimately, free trade system is major half-truths of today's world economic system. This system made people divided into two side argue this argument, who pro and who contra with this agenda. in my opinion, this system is like a penny with two different side-advantages and disadvantage-depend on the way of view we could see it.
alfa7   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / TEDx Summary How the Panama Papers journalists broke the biggest leak in history by Gerard Ryle [3]

Economic controls the world. That first sentence in this summary perhaps only a sentence, yet some people believe that not only a sentence but also it is happened. In this April, the world was surprised by a company of media around the world which held the investigation about myriad firm which create tax pathology in economic anomaly. We called this terrible happening is Panama Papers. It was being biggest document investigation in modern human history with all data spend 2.6 TB, by compare with Wikileaks is more a houndred times. It is dreadful.

Gerard Ryle, who leads this investigation, bite a fire and contact more than 76 medias in around 76 countries to join this investigation. He told us about how the journalist could change the system which controlled our world in TED. The company of media called themselves are The International Consortium Investigative Journalist or other word we called ICIJ. The ICIJ slated the investigation to from 2015 until 2016 in underneath of public.

The Panama Papers leaking out myriad of public figures, businessman, footballers, and many public authorities that want to black out their tax doubt. It had massive impact in more than 76 countries. One of them is created wave of protest in Iceland taking into consideration the fact that the Prime Minister of Iceland whose have name in the file and hide he and his family tax in Panama's firm. Ryle labeling this as new era of journalism.
alfa7   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: The Economist; The 2016 Nobel prize for medicine goes to biological recycling [2]

Hello Korbansuspendcuy, I want to you gain some suggestion from me

here we go

Autophagy, the process of recycling cells to provide energy needed to keep a starving cell alive, [you need conjunction or subject, if you reducing it, you should have verb-ing or to infinitive, depend on you type of clause] is the subject of this year's Nobel prise winner for ...

the "p" on "Prize" should be capital, during to in the fact that it is the name of this annualy event.

... as well as this work has casting a light on diseases including ...

I was read the Economist's article same like yours, in my opinion your essay it is too short summary, please lets myriad words out from your hands.

note: keep writing and go ahead.
alfa7   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Problem and Problem-Solving of the Internet Drawbacks [5]

Question:

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before.

What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?


Answer:

We cannot hold the technology expansion in our daily life. It is in the same way as hold back the rivers. The data statistic index talk about developing of technology per year touches the vast number in almost less than fifth; moreover, it was most developed on internet sector. I have a tendency to allow that technology development being an "angle" for our effective daily life into the consideration in the fact that world today has not a primitive era in every single side.

In the real world, every actions have consequences, including the technology expansion. Firstly, the drawback of technology development is being laziness invention human behavior inasmuch as people getting more manageable and accessible life. Secondly, technology creates distance to one and another. For the simple daily example is as we know every day, mostly people hard-pressed with their phone; thus they cast eyes down and created idiotic generation. Finally, in case every manufactures replace their employee to robotic machine with artificial intelligent, the technology will create the employment opportunities are slumping deepest in hell.

Those problem do not matter if we tackle this problem with right solve. Every school should keep their sport education on syllabus and create a discipline curriculum to learn how to utilize the technology with positive way. Discipline subject in early school could create laziness less behavior in our adolescent mindset. Every people should have well education with technology in their hand to be aware and kind to use it; moreover, the education about technology and how to be wise with it should be human right premium agenda for counter the drawbacks. The government must create obligation for the capital about employment opportunities for human, which do not take a nosedive human undertake life with replace their job with robotic machine.

Ultimately, I still have a tendency to allow the technology development. Whereas that could be "angle" of our effective life, on condition that the problem namely laziness, idiotic generation and risk of employment opportunities should be tackle with all people in across the globe. We can tackle this with insert discipline curriculum and insert sport education in our syllabus and we transform ourselves for educated well before having a smartphone. Furthermore, the government tackle a part to as obligator to create an obligation for save our employee.
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media Habits Today - celebrities became the role model for ordinary people [3]

Hi Faizunaa17 , I want you to obtain some suggestion from me,

here we go:

... many mass-media use itthey as their opportunity to ...

be careful for you pronoun

Media looks like publish everything that (...) boost their ratings to obtain among watchers.

1. you can replace your words with "Media publishes like everything..."
2. there are two verb in one sentence.
3. between should following with "and"


Unfortunately, as a result of media ambitious project, they often forgot[where is the verb goes???] that there are many infamous...

First of all,[is not right phrase; is not your first idea ] actors still famous even ...
There are still a lot of people that need media to ...[your explanation is not enough, too bias]
Imagine if the media uses their power to ...

Secondly, today some artistssometimes report the media to ...
In contrast, some media creates program that give many chances tofor ordinary people for ...

you should sumarize your idea in your conclusion, please
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sir Ken Robinson in his public speech shared about how the schools kill children's creativity. [3]

Hi Uca MSN , I want you to obtain some suggestion from me

here we go:

... about how the schools killing children's creativity. One of the important things to keep in our mind is creativity [you need some conjuction in here] has essential part ...

be careful about double verb
you should use noun clause of quantity if you want to say "one of the..."


Therefore, all of the students should be ...
As athe matter of fact, this is ...

ThisIt is because of the point of view ...

note: keep writing and go ahead.
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Both deforestation and global warming are very important issues of human beings in today's world. [2]

question:

While some people consider Global Warming to be the most pressing environmental problem which we at the moment, others believe that deforestation as more devastating impact on our world.

discuss both sides and give your opinion.


This world gets old with responsibility to face the problem in today's era. There are lot of problem running around in our daily life, especially in environment sector. Some people in this world think that global warming is the crucial problem and other the rest of the world say removing forest from large area or as we know that is deforestation is more urgent. My standpoint is both global warming and deforestation are an urgent problem we should tackle.

Global warming is effect from producing of carbon dioxide and myriad of harmful fumes are increasing by human activities. Accordingly, global warming affects the atmosphere to shield less us from radiation of sunlight in our ozone. It increases of The Earth temperature more warm than usual; with high warmth of the Earth is very harm to array of species and habitat of them to adapt with this situation.

Furthermore, deforestation is not less crucial than global warming. It creates losing of habitat of myriad genus of flora and fauna in forest. Mostly deforestation comes from illegal logging and burning, thanks to human will. Deforestation makes production of good gasses are less and destroying of ozone is rapidly happen.

Both of deforestation and global warming are urgent business of human being in today's world. Pick of them which more important than other is wasting time. My standpoint is entire of human being today should tackle this problem rapidly before we are late. We should not be skeptic person to compare one of them, both of them are a major-league point of problem today. Let us make a brand better future for our next generation with contribute to solve these problems.
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ken Robinson declared about the importance of creativity in education [3]

Hi Fauzyahutami, I want you obtain some suggestions from me

here we go

... come up with the original. [you need some conjunction in here, namely "While"] Educations in whole of the world have ...
..., if people don't[please do not reducing your words in writing] have a degree so (...) any job, [you need some conjunction in here, namely "While"] your major ...

University's system designed to (...) good at school it doesn't [please do not reducing your words in writing] mean you can ...
... the best way to improve it. [you need some conjunction in here, namely "While"] Parents have an obligation ...

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Being an employee makes people less creative since all of major activity is set by a company. [6]

Hi Nurainiyusuf16, I want you obtain some suggestions from me

here we go

At present, many people have many chosen to become ...
Some society argue that , it will much better ...

... are so many big companies are built.
... employees to work in there. ThisIt becomes gold chance ...
... company or organization and [you need a gerund or sunject in here] apply their ...

... a company makes us do not innovative.
They only do what the company ask to do.
... since they have to follow the company rules. [you need some conjunction in here] People become close minded, and over time they will lose their natural ability [this santance is too bias ]. M

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TIME The USA Election News about Last Presidential Debate [2]

This year is an election year in The United Stated of America. Two of the major party, Republic and Democrat, released their candidate to obtain position as president of that super-power federal state. There are Hilary Clinton from democrat side and Donald Trump as Republican side. The USA is a liberal country with regulation about freedom of speak; accordingly, making this election with campaign calendar was so high tension. The last presidential debate slated to from October 19th 2016 in The USA time area makes Clinton so enough with word-attacks from Trump. Clinton's deleted mails is one of the ingredients of Trump's speak in debate; he, moreover, urges Clinton about what really the mails about. In before, Clinton delates myriad mails on her mail box and array of them had laid out by Wikileaks. Furthermore, Clinton claimed about new federal intelligence repot and she added Russia as culprit of this cyber-crime. In same time, Clinton pressed Trump to lay out his tax report; there is indication about Trump has a illegal will to hide his tax report.
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is it true, that in order to understand the culture of a country, we must speak the local language? [3]

Hi Yonathan, I want you to obtain some suggestions from me

here we go

For instance, nowadays["nowadays" should in initial of sentence.] the college students ...
Anothe rOther reason, the most of the people now ...
... food, statue and more over .

... language is the most important of ability.
... the world and visited several unknownunfamiliar countries.
... language is not an essential part inofin order to learn the culture of another country. Nowadays [insert coma in here] there are several (...) as books and journal and available ...

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - speaking local language helps to understand culture of a country? [3]

Even thought ,Eventhough , for some aspects, ...

... it is an essential toolmethod to communicate and scholars ...
["tool" could not applicable in this context] So [you should insert coma in here] if people speak the language ...
... distinctly between letter P, F andor V.

... a beneficial factor to understand athe culture because people (...) adapt with new cultures they believe.

... although learning language helping citizens to understand ...

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are no people born with creativity in their mothers' stomach [2]

Summary of Do Schools Kill Creativity by Sir Ken Robinson

There are no people born with creativity in their mother stomach. Pablo Picasso, one of the biggest artist in modern era, is not born with creativity, he grown up with. In some opportunity at TED Talk, education practitioner, Sir Ken Robinson talks about why creativity is being unessential subject in our curriculum. He, moreover, released education syllabus putting linguistic and mathematic are the top of the subject list, on other words, it means pupils should have a standard knowledge to be success in their future. By contrast, humanism and creativity are being the bottom of the priority. School has killing creativity as a major-league subject.

Furthermore, schools thought being wrong is some student mistakes in teaching life. Disagree for this statemen Sir Robinson thought if student afraid being wrong they cannot learn to being original. It is all about capacity and commitment; if schools want to teach their student with depend their intelligent on account of in the fact that every student has different ability intelligence. For simple example that some adolescent clever in art and other in math. Sir Robinson believes in next era we should to adapt new conception of human ecology to take creativity as a major design of our curriculum.
alfa7   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / From the bar graph, we can see the levels of participation in education and science in poor and rich [2]

Hi Maximklopunov99, I want you obtain some suggestion from me, here we go

FromAccording to the bar graph which reporting we can see the levels of participation in ...

... of schooling grew up. moreover, In developing countries,...
As forthe industrialised ones, it rose from 8 to ...

futhermore , According to the second graph, (...) and Technician wasweremuchmore higher in developed countries ...
... both in 1980 and 1990 waswere below 20, while this increased ...

be careful about countable and uncountable phrase
make sure your grammar, both...and... following by plural.

... and Development in reach countries wasweremuchmore higher than the spending...
The most noticeable fact is that after 10 years the spending in (...) in developed countries waswere doubled while that ...

please be careful about "was" for singular subject and "were" for plural subject
alfa7   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Three approaches to drag crime rate down: authority policy, education and self-awareness [2]

Question:

Each year, the crime rate increases.

What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?


Answers:

Criminal activities were being popular according to crime rate index release by National Police institution. There are great deal of factors affect this fact in behind. Moreover, there are three approaches to drag this problem down with authority policy, education and self-awareness approaches.

Criminal actions were not born yesterday. They lived in entire human history and at this moment, the crime rate has increaseing. one of the factors of this trend is decreasing of morality in our civilization. According to United Nation's wing organization, World Bank reports the data of criminal issues following by decreasing of morality issues in myriad places in this world. Moreover, internet and accessible technology was brought the criminal action in next level. For simple reason that now hacking is the popular criminal action. Everyone can steal the private or top secret information form societies or authority intelligent. Furthermore, not only about cyber-crime but also internet makes everybody more painless to share their thought. Yet at this moment, human being not only shares their notion but also with this manageable social networking, they share about hate-speech. In myriad state regulation in array of countries, it is a criminal.

If we want to drag this problem down; we could act more action. In my opinion we should concern in three approaches to let up this trend. Firstly, there is political will form authority. Government should create more effective regulation to push it down. For example, with policy we make an impact in entire demography, it is advantage over we move solitary. Secondly, education should take a big part to make social-awareness. From it, we gain the neighborhood and feeling to help each other. With social-awareness we can increase our civilization's morality. Finally, the criminal will is not only come from other people, but also coming from our responsibility. We should keep our self-awareness in public area such as social medias and real-life facilities. Respect for one and another is essential behavior to tackle crime.

All in all, crime rate is trend which we cannot avoid yet we can drag this problem down. we can decrease this trend by keeping our morality and our private information. We can push authority to overhaul the regulation more effective to press crime rate. With education approach, we can teach one and another to keep our social-awareness and neighborhood. Last, we keep our self-awareness and respect to another and be good person who uses this accessible information era. Criminal not only comes from other will but also from ourselves too.
alfa7   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Understanding entire Universe history just in 18 minutes [2]

Summary of History of Our World in 18 minutes by David Christian

In some opportunity on TED Talk, scientist David Christian talked about history of this universe. He called this History of Our World in 18 minutes, yet you could not spend 18 minutes to read this summary to understanding entire universe history. Let us look back when the Big Bang was kicked off in almost more of thirteen billion years ago. The exploding of Big Bang was created space, time and temperature; moreover, electro-magnetic and gravity were born combine the hydrogen and helium in almost four hundred year after Big Bang. Accordingly, this fundamental chemical was created a stellar system.

Furthermore, when stars dead and be supernova the made the candidate of planet. One of the almost perfect ingredients and positions as planet is our earth now which stand still in very tiny solar system in entire galaxy. In 4 billion years before today, there is one of organism risen in deep ocean and evolution was happened, moreover. This organism is mother of genetic ourselves history system, as we known is DNA. When the evolution was happened, it created a great deal of species and mostly of them is extinction. While, more of 5 hundred years ago human risen in Africa and they built the civilization in entire place of the earth which they are migrated. Owe to in the fact that Human differs from other species in our earth, on account of in the fact that human is only species has intelligent brain to figure science out and they make the knowledges are legacy for their next generations. It is during to their DNA. Nowadays, there are 7 billion humans breath every moment in this planet.
alfa7   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The government has predominant role to inhibit the crime level increase [4]

Hi methew, I want you obtain some suggestions from me

here we go

According to some research, [make sure your essay has a concreate data and it is valid] level of crime steadly ...

Wrong doing such theft can occur when the victim is careless [do not forget your subject+verb].
... who take their treasure at the random place. It gives opportunity tofor other person ...

... that local government can use totackles this trend.
..., the authority has to make an educational activity that transfer the knowlegde about how to shield a crime [make sure your essay, "how to shield a crime" it means you want protect the crime].

..., the government can applicateapply a piece of modern (...) decrease level of wrong doing .
... to mind is using C lose-circuit T elevision (CCTV) in some ...
In conclusion, the government has main ...

... crime always increases in these days, the government ...

[keep writing and go ahead]
alfa7   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Time's Summary: Pro-Government Demonstrators Clash With Opposition in Caracas [2]

There is a long week in politic. Today, protest wave in Venezuela is happening dramatically. On account of in the fact that they contra with the president and want to impeach him from his position. After congress debate in parliament, demonstrators surround the National Assembly building and situation has high tension in October 27th 2016. Some opposition lawmakers claim they get violence from military who support the incumbent authority. The demonstrators claim the incumbent Venezuela's president, Nicolas Maduro is a new dictator in modern era. Moreover, they say about inflation of economic index, free-falling of economy, lack of food stock, and also for medicine and good stuff are rarely in that country. The majority of opposition said Maduro was not the legacy of the former President, Hugo Chaves. They, furthermore, said Maduro was brought that country far cry from initial tracks. This congressional debate is important taking into the consideration on the fact that in this parliament the new brand of Venezuela will kick off. Either parliament want to impeach the president or not.
alfa7   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / There is no doubt that air travel takes a part of responsibility to make the air pollution. [2]

Hi Sasariri, I want you obtain some suggestions from me

here we go

... distance between one country toand others become a short distance andalso time.
... pollution, we have to restrict the air travel ...

make sure your essay with colocation, "between" should follow by "and"

... in each country that utilizeutilizing the fuel fossilfossil fuel , a pre-dominantpredominant material that causes ...
... of Transportation reveal that in Indonesia, everyin five minutes there ...

To conclude, although air travel has (...) air pollution but personally,

althoughand but are not all in one sentence.

note: keep writing and go ahead
alfa7   
Oct 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / I totally disagree that banning air travel is the only strategy to stop air pollution. [7]

Hi Misskitty, interesting name anyway, I want you obtain some suggestions from me

here we go

... comparing to the other types of travelling .
... making unbalance habitat for some animals especially birds.

However, air travel is one of leading types of transportation that ...
... lot of time for people to movemoving from some part (...) the other side of the world in short of time.
... make a huge of impact for some people in athe remote area ...

Many ways infor reducing air pollution such ...

note: keep writing and go ahead

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