Unanswered [19] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by TriceLiu
Name: Shurui L
Joined: Jul 24, 2018
Last Post: Dec 12, 2019
Threads: 11
Posts: 25  
Likes: 18
From: China

Displayed posts: 36
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
TriceLiu   
Dec 12, 2019
Writing Feedback / Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? [4]

Hi! Here are some of my suggestions:

Task Response:

The question in the prompt is "Why could this be?" and doesn't ask for the solution to the preference for foreign films. The essay would improve in task response if you could dedicate two main paragraphs to reasons for this preference.

Lexical Resource:
Try and diversify the vocabulary that are used. For example, replace some of the "films" with "movies" and pronouns:
In order to explain why people are more enjoyable foreign films than local films, there are various reasons. Foreign films haves outstanding qualities.
Various reasons can explain why people find foreign films more enjoyable than local ones. The first is that imported movies tend to be of better quality.

Grammatical Accuracy:
Be careful when to use the third-person singular form on verbs and when not to.
eg1. Foreign films have ...
eg2. ... and low budget cause viewer...
eg3. Whereas, local films are made ...

Hope this helps!
TriceLiu   
Dec 11, 2019
Writing Feedback / Visitors numbers to Ashdown Museum before and after its renovation [3]

Hi! This piece of writing is for IELTS Writing Task 1. Comments/criticism/suggestions please!

Summarise the information from the provided table



Prompt: The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Essay: The table gives information about the amounts of visitors received by Ashdown Museum during the years before and after its renovation. The chart indicates visitors' degrees of satisfaction during the two periods.

Overall, after refurbishment, the museum received more visitors and provided better visit experience. The museum saw a significant reduction in the share of visitors who reported "dissatisfaction".

Visitor numbers rose from 74,000 to 92,000 after renovation, a significant increase by almost a quarter. Another remarkable gain that can be observed is the percentage of visitors who felt "satisfied" or "very satisfied". This proportion has been less than half before refurbishment, but soared to 75% during the year after refurbishment, with 40% being "satisfied" and 35% feeling "very satisfied".

Negative feedbacks, on the other hand, shrank after renovation. 40% of the visitors had rated their experience as dissatisfactory and another 10% had felt worse during the year before the museum was renovated. After the renovation, dissatisfaction levels slumped to 15% while the percentage of visitors feeling very dissatisfied dropped to 5%.




TriceLiu   
Dec 9, 2019
Writing Feedback / Teachers and schools for child development - Ielts writing task 2 evaluation and opinion [3]

Hi there, I would like to provide some of my opinions on this essay.

This essay is clear-structured, with one main paragraph discussing the benefits of home-schooling and another about that of going to a school.

However, According to the promt, a) Discuss the advantages of both methods and b) give your own opinion should be given similar amount of elaboration. So I would suggest that another paragraph should be dedicted to the writer's own opinion.
TriceLiu   
Dec 9, 2019
Writing Feedback / In recent years, some kind of animals are running the risk of extinction - their name is on red list [2]

Hi there! I would like to give several suggestions:

1. The first reason is human's illegal hunting activities proaching. (to showcase your lexical richness).

2. Incorporate several simple sentences into one complex sentence. For example:
The sentences "The environment is ... The animals live... Some places' weather ... " can be adapted into:

"The environment is more and more polluted, so food resources become exhausted. The animals live in wildlife which do not have enough food to survive so they will attack and kill others to eat. Some places' weather becomes too hot or cold to exist. It also leads to the death of animals."

The sentences "We should give ... If someone offends... " can be rewritten into:

Legislations should be in place to hold poachers to account.

Diversifying sentence structures can demonstrate grammatical knowledge to the examiners.

I hope this helps. Best of luck!
TriceLiu   
Dec 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing 2: Compulsory unpaid community service for high school students [2]

volunteering in communities for free



Prompt: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

Nowadays increasing numbers of high school students engage in volunteer community work. Some hold that high schools should include such work as an obligatory part of curriculum. I agree that community service can enhance students' various skills; however, it should not be a prerequisite for graduation.

Volunteer service in communities can help students develop skills that cannot be learnt from classrooms. Volunteer activities can boost students' interpersonal skills by engaging them with a wide range of community members. When volunteering, teenagers may learn how to communicate effectively with people of varied age groups and social backgrounds. Such skills would be valuable assets to students' future careers.

Compassion is another key quality that would be enhanced from community service. For instance, caregiver volunteers would be more likely to empathize with the elderly and those with physical difficulties. This experience may develop community service providers' compassion, a key attribute in a responsible member of society.

However, unpaid community service should not be mandatory for high school attendees, as the qualities that are expected to develop from community volunteering can also be gained elsewhere. Communication skills, for example, can be improved from paid part-time jobs. Moreover, some paid tasks including event organizing and product promoting can involve more intensive interaction with people than community service. Compassion can arise from volunteering developing countries, not necessarily in students' own community. Students should enjoy the right to choose between community service and various alternatives.

To conclude, volunteering in communities can enrich high school students by enhancing their interpersonal skills and compassion, preparing them to be qualified professionals and responsible citizens. Yet community service should only optional, because various alternatives can achieve similar, if not better, effects.
TriceLiu   
Sep 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / The issue of whether government should invest on railway systems more than roads or not [3]

Hi! Your essay is well-arranged. I admire the structure of this essay! Here are a few suggestions on the language front:

Several corrections
1. ... is a brilliant way compare compared to...
2. ... system need to accumulate abundant of requires a large amount of money funding and time. (Subject-predicate agreement)

Avoid redundancy:
eg. However, I personally disagree that...

Replace complex structures with simpler expressions:
eg1. Unlike the money which invests investments on roads
eg2. Rewrite "On the contrary, ... " into "On the contrary, a new railway system takes at least a decade to plan and complete."

eg3. The citizens ... would prefer to chose roads.

Avoid dangling modifiers:
"Unlike the money which invests on ..." This sentence may create a confusion: Are "governments" "unlike the money which invests on roads"? Reading twice, I can understand it is "building railways" that is unlike investments on roads. This confusion is because the subject in this sentence is not the actual subject of the modifier "Unlike the money which invests on roads". And this is against grammar. So please make sure modifiers share the same subject as the rest of the sentence.

Hope this helps!
TriceLiu   
Sep 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / Does modern communication technology have negative effects on social relationships? [2]

social revolution



Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

Online communication technologies have revolutionized how people interact with each other. I agree that these technologies have adverse impacts on interpersonal relationships.

Social apps may make communication shallower and thus make relationships more cosmetic. First, people, particularly the youth, may trade off face-to-face communication for online messaging. In this way, they would miss important non-verbal information including facial expressions, tones, and body language. Relegating face-to-face talks to exchange of texts could result in a lack of deep understanding between people. Also, the "like" feature on social media cannot strengthen interpersonal ties. This is because "likes" do not carry any information further than general appreciation. On the contrary, spending too much time on liking posts could mean that no time is left for quality communications.

An equally worrying effect of online communication is that it may spread jealousy and anxiety. Fascinating travel pictures, photos of perfect bodies, and impressive update on profiles are abundant on Facebook feeds. On seeing these posts from friends, one may feel jealous and anxious. Some may even feel like a failure in comparison to their friends. To avoid this sense of defeat, some may alienate themselves from their friends. As a result, online communication tools could make their users more isolated.

To conclude, modern messaging tools could degrade interpersonal relationships, although they were designed to forge communication. Main impacts include shallower interactions and a sense of alienation.
TriceLiu   
Sep 4, 2019
Writing Feedback / Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. [3]

Hi there!

Your introduction paragraph is well-structured. You expressed your opinion on the issue after mentioning the emergence of social media. However, here are a few suggestions:

1. Avoid redundancy:
... changed our lifestyle entirely in a different way
"Change our lifestyle" and "in a different way" bear very similar meanings, so one of them should be deleted. If you intended to stress the extent to which social media has changed people's life, you can rewrite the sentence into "Social media has revolutionised people's lifestyle".

2. Consistency between Introduction Paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
You have brilliantly raised two harms of social media. But only one was mentioned in the introduction. The essay would be more clear if you briefly mention the second harm.

I hope this could be of help. Best of luck in your future writings! :)
TriceLiu   
Aug 29, 2019
Writing Feedback / Senior-level workers - IELTS Writing Task 2- Opinion Essay [2]

Hi there,

You have demonstrated a decent vocabulary and command of grammar in the essay.

However, the essay should have sticked to the prompt. The prompt is about whether C-level employees should be ENCOURAGED to retire at 55 whereas the essay discusses if they should be FORCED to do so. There is a big difference between "to encourage" and "to force".

Also, the question is whether you agree that C-Level workers should be encouraged to retire at 55. In other words, it is about the pros and cons of retiring at the age of 55. The answer, however, dedicated an entire main paragraph to reasons why people retire late.

Please always stick to the prompt and only answer the question you are asked. This is essential to securing a good writing score. Best of luck!
TriceLiu   
Aug 29, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Will all jobs eventually be done by artificially intelligent robots? Human vs machine. [2]

AI is likely to replace repetitive jobs



Prompt:
Some people believe that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinion?

Answer: The development of artificial intelligence has given rise to the fear that all occupations will one day be replaced by robots. This essay will argue that although some jobs may be automated, others cannot be done by machines.

Dull and dangerous jobs are likely to be done by robots in the future. Robots that do repetitive tasks tend to require less complex programming and are, therefore, less expensive. They can be cost-effective tools to deal with monotonous tasks. In fact, some markets have already replaced cashiers with check-out machines. Artificially intelligent robots may also do work in toxic environments in the place of human workers.

However, some other jobs can never be done by machines. One example is professions that require creativity. This is because robots only carry out program instructions; they cannot generate new ideas. For example, fiction writers are unlikely to lose their job to AIs, because creativity lies at the very heart of their profession. Also, innovative engineers who develop new features for robots will not be replaced.

Jobs that entail high communication skills can only be done by humans, too. For instance, psychology consultants provide clients with emotional care. Requiring experience and sharp instincts, the job is unlikely, if not impossible, to be acquired by robots.

To conclude, in the next few years, AI is likely to replace repetitive jobs at an intimidating speed. But this does not mean it will make everyone unemployed, because jobs that involve creativity and interpersonal skills cannot be automated.
TriceLiu   
Aug 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / Writing part 2 IELTS , Average weight of people is rising and levels of health is declining [4]

Hi there, a few suggestions:

1. Briefly mention the measures to be taken, in response to the prompt.

2. Each support sentence in Para. 2 and Para. 3 should be closely relevant to its topic sentence.

For example, in paragraph 3 you noted the significance of a healthy diet. However, the first sentence in this paragraph was "The best solution...", which makes readers expect an entire paragraph dedicated to "exercise". If I were you, I would revise the topic sentence into "To tackle the epidemic of overweight, individuals, despite their busy schedule, need more exercise and a healthier diet." I would then continue with the brilliant ideas you have written about.

3. Use less "we" in academic writings.

Hope this is of help:)
TriceLiu   
Aug 25, 2019
Writing Feedback / An argument over the issue of whether teenagers should have a job while they are still students [3]

Hi, there are a few suggestions:

1. ... she might gains gain new ...

2. ... always feel stress stressed and messy...

3. In the second paragraph you mentioned part-time jobs can improve students' budget-managing skills. Dedicating a few lines to elaborate why this is the case could help demonstrate a rigorous logic. Similarly, why do part-time works diminish students' productivity? This essay includes many good ideas but some of them need detailed explanation.

4. If this essay is for academic purposes (for example an IELTS essay), reference to "I" should be avoided. For example:
To conclde, i believe that working experience ...

Well done and good luck with future writings:)
TriceLiu   
Aug 22, 2019
Writing Feedback / On Tackling Congestion in Chinese Cities [3]

Hi, the following is

a practice essay about congestion in China.


Suggestions will be appreciated :)


Over the last two decades, congestion has plagued major Chinese cities, including mega-cities like Beijing and Shanghai, as well as smaller provincial capitals. Associated with air pollution, gas consumption, health threat, congestion has become a menace to modern cities. To tackle congestion, ownership and use of cars need to be contained.

The issue stems from a surging population density in cities, which is partly due to rapid urbanization. Floods of people left farming for opportunities in industrial and service sectors. Some of them have managed to own a car and to use it on a daily basis, thus causing to congestion. Besides, Chinese, unlike north Americans, prefer to live in city centers rather than in suburbs. This also contributes to a denser population and therefore, more cars in city center.

But a dense city population can also provide incentives for people to choose bicycles and public transport over cars. First, cars are not a cost-effective option to travel in heavily populated city centers. Parking spaces can be overwhelmingly expensive and automobiles can barely move faster than bikes on packed streets. Also, the fact that most people live in centers rather than in suburbs makes public transport a convenient choice. In suburbs where population is spread out, one may have to journey for half an hour to find a bus station. In city centers, by contrast, it may take less than 5 minutes to reach an underground station or a bus stop, before taking advantage of public transport to commute. Therefore, there is hope that alternatives, if convenient enough, could shift city-dwellers away from cars.

One new alternative is bike-renting. Shared-bike schemes sprung up in Beijing streets in 2015 and have put more people on two wheels. Yet there are downsides. A large number of bikes are abandoned due to vandalism or lack of use. Rows of shared bikes have been reported to block pedestrian paths and bicycle tracks in Beijing. Bicycles that should have alleviated congestion now become wastes that further crowd the city. Meanwhile, private bikes are not doomed to become obsolete. They are green, beneficial for health, and easy to store. City authorities and eco protection groups can advertise on these features to promote cycling.

Another alternative is public transport and more has to be done on that front. While metropolises like Beijing have intricate underground and bus networks, smaller cities do not. If a public transport network cover the entire city, cars would be less necessary. A more sophisticated bus or underground network requires major investments, subsidized or even paid for by public budget. But the cost would be worth it for the congestion and pollution that would be reduced.

To conclude, congestions arise from rapid urbanization and Chinese people's preference of living in city centres. But the factors that have swollen the number of cars on streets can also be incentives for less car use. To persuade people away from traveling by car, alternatives should be promoted, including bikes and public transport.

(502 words)
TriceLiu   
Aug 21, 2019
Writing Feedback / Essay about the air pollutants in UK [2]

Hi there,

As the graph is missing, I will only give some grammatical suggestions for now.

1. it is clearly evident that ...
"Clearly" is redundant because it means the same as "evident".

2. ... tonnes over a course of ...

Overall, the essay is well structured and I think your choices of word to describe increases/decreases are admirable.
TriceLiu   
Aug 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / ESSAY ABOUT INVESTING TO FAST-TRAIN OR PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION [2]

Hi, your writing is enjoyable to read but some suggestions are as follows:

1. A few grammatical corrections:
1) ... transportation is holds/plays an important ...
2) ... on a regular basis. ("Basic" is an adjective while "basis" is a noun.)
3) ... in other words, it means.... ("Is" should be deleted because the sentence already has a subject, "Developing public transportation". )

2. To make essays objective, avoid reference to personal experience and phrases such as "As we know" in academic writings.

3. If I were you, I would explain more why the benefit of improving existing public transportation overweights that of developing super fast trains.
For example:
1) most people use trams and buses much more frequently than they take trains. So improving existing public transportation would benefit local community more.
2) Upgrading existing public transport is less expensive than building high-tech trains. Thus with the same amount of money, improving existing public transport would have a greater effect.
TriceLiu   
May 2, 2019
Writing Feedback / METHODS Section: Factors that Influence the Destination Choice of International Students [3]

Hi, the following text is the methods section of my essay about Factors that Influence the Destination Choice of International Students.
Please give me your opinion on the structure and language about this writing. Cheers!

studying abroad - identifying students choices



Methods

This project aimed to identify key pull factors affecting students' study abroad choices and the relative importance of these factors. It further attempted to examine the difference in attitude between exchange and degree students towards these variables.

Respondents are non-British undergraduates in a university in northeast England. Students who were on pathway programs were excluded, because their aims (INTO Study, 2019) were distinct from those of exchange and degree students. 12 respondents were selected, whose demographic features are shown in Tables 1 and 2. The sample covered 7 different countries and 7 courses in order to be representative of the whole international student population. Same number of exchange and degree students were recruited to compare the two groups of students.

Questionnaires comprised of 10 questions were sent to respondents via email. Respondents were asked about basic information pertaining to their courses in Newcastle University, why they decided to study abroad, and why they chose the UK as study-abroad destination. To quantify students' valuation of determinants, a diamond-ranking survey was conducted. Respondents were asked to rank provided factors according to how much they value these variables. Out of 9 common factors, they were asked to select one most important factor, 2 second-most important, 3 third most important, 2 second-least important, and one least important. Respondents were also asked to explain why they valued each factor as such.
TriceLiu   
May 2, 2019
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, we all have the opportunity to learn things by ourselves using several sources. [4]

Make your essay more academic by avoiding "we" and "I".
For example: 1. Nowadays, we all have the opportunity to ... The availability of information through various sources enables people to learn by themselves.

2. I have no doubt that learning ...
Yet self-learning is not easy.
Also, you should have explained the bullet sentence "I have no doubt that ... so easy."; You may elaborate the difficulties people may go through when they try to teach themselves.

You have generated some brilliant ideas. Explain and justify them.
TriceLiu   
Aug 17, 2018
Writing Feedback / Vacation or vacations to school children? Discussion essay. [4]

Hi Jimmy, I think you are making progress in word choices and conclusion! Your expressions have been more concise and clearer.

However, the prompt required discussion about the advantages of long vacations and multiple short ones, whereas you talked about schedule without short breaks being counterproductive. This is about the disadvantage of long break. You may have said this to show why short breaks are necessary, but this is not a direct response to the prompt.

A revision could be:
Short breaks could make students more productive in their learning. First, breaks provide youngsters with opportunities to relax after tiring studies. After traveling during breaks, for example, students would be refreshed to be able to work harder back in school. They may also prepare for upcoming lessons during these breaks, by reading recommended books. With these preparations, students could have more ideas to discuss about when they come back to classrooms.

Also, some suggestions to make the essay more concise.
Their brains are still in the developmental stage developing.
Changing the "prep.+adj.+n." structure into a simple adjective is a common way to make an English sentence more concise. "Stage" is catagorical, and not important in meaning.

The usage of "though". Some advocate ... at school. Though , though/ while others think...
TriceLiu   
Aug 16, 2018
Poetry / Essay: Nature's Power and Human Desire in the Process of Decay [3]

@Holt Thank you for replying!! This writing may look better than my Task 2 essays because I wrote and revised this one without time limit. It cost tons of time LOL. I think I need to speed up my writing bit by bit.

I will revise my conclusion paragraph. Thanks again for your comments, have a wonderful day!
TriceLiu   
Aug 15, 2018
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: why many people still go hungry although the advance made in agriculture [5]

Hi, welcome to the forum! Hope my suggestions could help:

First of all, use clear, native expressions. Readers may struggle to understand some of the phrases in your essay. For example, "lack of arable land means", "by new agriculture" and "cause the technology". Some others are understandable, but do not sound native:

... that urbanization increase develop at such ...
countries where is unavailable soil that fall short of land

My advice is to look it up on the internet when you are unsure whether an expression is native or not. For example, you may input "urbanization increase" in Google or other search engines (with quotation marks to make sure the search results are with no other words), to find out if the expression is frequently used by native speakers. You will in this way use the expression in a correct way.

2. Pay attention to grammar rules, like subject-verb concordance, use of articles, plural forms, and clauses.
A few corrections:
..., in this age, have has been developed considerably.
... shortcomings is are probably ...
It is a cultivating to cultivate vegetable vertically
...not only developed countries where is unavailable soil that fall short of land but also poor ... (Here the use of attributive clauses led by "where" is incorrect. You may refer to grammar books about this kind of clause.)

3. On topic sentence. Your ideas in your 2nd paragraph is brilliant, but topic sentence is not clear and did not cover the two reasons you mentioned. A revision could be:

The causes of food shortage could be the lack of land and technology.
A topic sentence introduces a paragraph, so in this sentence you should briefly mention the topics that will be analysed in following sentences.

Please don't feel discouraged, though. Keep up your insight about social topics and good luck!
TriceLiu   
Aug 15, 2018
Poetry / Essay: Nature's Power and Human Desire in the Process of Decay [3]

Hi everyone, I am practicing writing essays in English. The following is my written exercise comparing two poems. You may find the poems at the end of this thread if necessary :)

I will appreciate comments about any aspect, vocabulary, grammar, structure, logic line, whichever!
Here we go:

Nature's Power and Human Desire in the Process of Decay:

Comparing and Contrasting Sonnet 12 and Blackberry Picking



All that is beautiful will inevitably wither in nature as well as in human societies. Though both Shakespeare's Sonnet 12 and Seamus Heaney's Blackberry Picking depict this inexorable process of decay, the former attributes this saddening process to the power of nature whereas the latter emphasizes the destructive role that human desire plays. This distinction is presented in both the rhythm and content of the two poems.

Rhythm in Sonnet 12 reminds readers of the force of nature. The rhythm of the sonnet builds a parallel between human and nature. Established strictly by iambic pentameter, the sonnet impresses readers with its high regularity. This periodicity coincides with the renewal of generation. In the poem, one iambic foot follows another; in nature, one generation follows another. As well as in rhyme, parallelism can also be also seen in the work's content. For example, silver hair is compared to a withered violet in the first quatrain and a dead old man lofty trees in the second quatrain. Parallelisms in both rhyme and content remind readers that humans, like any other species, can never escape decay because of nature's power. Careful arranged rhymes highlight nature's position as a powerful ruler.

In Blackberry-Picking, on the other hand, Heaney emphasizes his own emotion with half rhymes. The poet recalls how he picked blackberries and then watched them decay. This content is mirrored by half rhymes that give the verse a reflexive and personal tone. Such half rhymes as "sun" and "ripen", "for" and "hunger", "byre" and "fur" sound softer than perfect rhymes and are thus more suitable for a work about recollection. Through these soft half rhymes, one may picture Heaney sitting quietly reflecting on his childhood memory. As well as highlighting the poet's melancholy on human greed, half rhymes is soft enough to leave readers to empathize with Heaney.

It is arguable that both poems employ a considerable number of natural images. Like Sonnet 12, which depicts the decay of violets, lofty trees, and an elderly man, Blackberry Picking illustrates how the sweet fruits rotted and stunk. In fact, Blackberry Picking is in Heaney's famous collection, Death of a Naturalist, which mainly deals with his close-to-nature experience in County Derry.

Despite this, nature is not emphasized in Heaney's work. Compared to Sonnet 12, Blackberry Picking present more human interference in the decay process. In Sonnet 12, human is merely an observer whereas the passage of time is underlined as the reason for decaying. He witnesses beautiful things wither but has no further interactions with them. Unlike Heaney who picked blackberries, Shakespeare only "beholds" a past prime violet and "sees" barrens of trees. In Sonnet 12, it is time rather than human actions that is essential in causing decay. The poem begins with the ticks of clock and continues with the transition from day to night. Then, in the second quatrain, tall trees lose their leaves when summer passes. This leads to the conclusion in the ending couplet that "Time's scythe", which is a part of nature's law, makes everything beautiful fade.

The story line of Heaney's reminiscence is established on human greed. The poet longed for more after having tasted the first blackberry. Called by this desire, he picked blackberries in a violent way, though his hands were hurt by thorns. First, Heaney describes the seemingly innocent activity with such sensual words as "lust", "thickened wine", and "blood", denoting the desire in the young boy. He even clearly states that he had a "lust for picking". Another eye-catching word choice is the list of names of containers: "milk cans, pea tins, jam pots". The poet and his friends were indiscriminate in their choice of containers; they needed as many as possible, in order to collect more blackberries and satisfy their lust. Moreover, a sequence of monosyllabic nouns quickens the melodic flow, illustrating how eager the poet was to pick more sweet berries. Both language and sound in Blackberry-Picking highlights the picker's desire. In this way, the greed in human nature is held more responsible for the decay.

Whilst both Shakespeare and Seamus Heaney believe that decay is inevitable, they disagree on why this process takes place and, therefore, disagree on solutions. The simple advice Shakespeare gives the young man is to reproduce. Reproduction, as a method to achieve immortality, is a conformity to nature's law. The advice to reproduce does not show up until the closing couplet, but the ground of this suggestion, nature's cycle, has been highlighted in the three quatrains. For example, "Borne on the bier" portrays a passed-away old man lying on the bier, but "borne" suggests birth and renewal of generation as well. "Die as fast as they see others grow" in the third quatrain resembles the relationship between parents and children. These references to cycle in nature leads to Shakespeare's advice to "save breed". Heaney, on the other hand, did not give a clear solution but has suggested lust as a main culprit. Blackberries, once sweet and beautiful, rotted "once off the bush" and it was humans driven by temptation that had picked them off the branches. One may infer from Heaney's emphasis on lust that minimizing greed in human nature is the only remedy.

The dispute could be because the poets are of different time periods. Shakespeare lived the 17th century when human beings had little power over nature. Since they were dependent on nature to a great extent for safety and productivity in agrarian societies, the only way to live a better life seems to conform to nature's law. For example, when looking for places to settle, people in agrarian societies turn to nature for help and consider a great deal factors related to nature like climate and water availability. Likewise, when pondering how to fight mortality, the most available solution is to comply to nature and to create offspring.

In the 20th century, industrialization and urbanization had revolutionized not only human/nature relationship but also relationships within human society. First, technological developments made humanity less dependent on nature. Meanwhile, with more people living in cities, inter-personal relationship become more complex. This may have led Heaney to reflect deeply on human nature, especially on greed.

To conclude, Shakespeare emphasizes nature while Heaney stresses human nature when they analyze the reason behind decay. In Sonnet 12, Shakespeare believes that decay is non-escapable because of nature's power, unless the young man seeking advice reproduce; in Blackberry Picking, Heaney sees human lust as the prime cause of beautiful things fading. They then address the reasons behind decay, with Shakespeare advising the young man to reproduce and Heaney arguing decay will happen again and again unless humans refrain their excessive desires.

Works cited: XXX

Sonnet 12

(By William Shakespeare)

Blackberry Picking

(By Seamus Heaney)
TriceLiu   
Aug 12, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS wirting task2 subjects for university students to study [2]

1. In the first sentence of your opening paragraph, you said you agree with this statement. But in the previous sentence you presented people's two different opinions ("whether+A" means "A or not"), which is not a statement. Better to point out which opinion you agree with, so that you directly respond to the prompt.

2. Without confining students to studying in ...
This sentence is grammatically incorrect, because the subject of participle clauses is not the same as the subject of its main sentence. This is a common mistake that has been mentioned in many English writing guides. Who "confines students to studying in particular courses"? Maybe teachers, maybe school authorities, but not the "they" in your main sentence.

A revision could be:
Not confined to studying in particular courses, students are able to learn knowledge...
In this revision, subject of the participle clause is in accordance with that of the main sentence.

3. On understanding the prompt. I think the prompt is more about whether 1) students should only study "useful" subjects like science and technology, or 2) they should be allowed to study "not-so-useful" ones like art and humanity, if students are interested. Instead, you discussed whether 1) students should be arranged courses or 2) they should choose courses according to interest and "learn courses in various areas". "Choosing courses based on interest" is on-topic, but "learning courses in various areas"(para. 2) and "studying arranged courses"(para. 3) can be irrelevant.
TriceLiu   
Aug 8, 2018
Writing Feedback / The popularity of reading news online means crisis for printed newspapers [3]

Internet vs. Newspapers



PROMPT: Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


ANSWER: Nowadays reading news via online is gaining popularity. Despite this, some argue newspapers will still be the most essential when it comes to news sources. I completely disagree with this view as I believe online news will be more important than newspapers.

News websites and APPs are faster to report breaking news than newspapers. After writing a piece of news, correspondents only need to press a button to post it online, thanks to the instant nature of the Internet. Newspaper articles, on the other hand, would reach readers only after print and distribution, which could take a day. As a result, the public would rely more on the Internet for news, especially breaking ones.

Apart from on speed, online news wins newspapers on diversity of media types. Newspapers present news with words and pictures; websites and APPs could utilize a wide range of media forms, including audios and videos. These visual and acoustic reports convey more information than photos and words. They are also able to leave a deeper impression on people's mind. For example, a video from BBC news presented sounds of gunshots and babies crying at the end of a report. The video demonstrated the cruelty of war and could help its audience relate to people in the conflict-torn area. Audios and videos that newspapers cannot present make online reports more impressive.

In conclusion, the Internet would surpass newspapers in terms of importance, because online news is instant and includes more diverse media types.
TriceLiu   
Aug 8, 2018
Writing Feedback / Challenging life in a country where we need to communicate via foreign language [4]

Hi Min-Chi! I think your essay has a clear structure and includes several impressive opinions. I have some advice that may improve it:

1. Pay attention to sunject-verb agreement. It is a simple grammatical rule that everybody knows, so all you need is more carefulness :)
people who doesn't do not possess ...;
... not only helps people to ...
Also, do not use contractions in academic writing. Instead of "doesn't", use "does not" to make your essay more formal.

2. Organize your ideas. For example, in your third paragraph:
Practical problem 2: "Children will face difficulties in school, therefore, they need to work harder..."
Practical problem 3: "Moreover, it will be difficult for them to interacte with others..."
Practical problem 4: "Language barrier will also influence their daily life..."

These three problems overlap with each other. Children may find it hard to interact with the teacher, so they need to work harder (3 and 2); Language barrier could influence their daily life by hindering their interactions with others (3 and 4). You listed many brilliant ideas but should have analysed or organized them more carefully, making your essay seem underdeveloped.

You may reorganize para. 3 by deviding it into two parts: practical problems for (1.) adults and (2.) children, instead of writing one point for adults and three overlapping points for children.

Hope this helps!
TriceLiu   
Aug 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / People think wearing stylish clothing is important. Positive or negative development? [4]

Hi Jimmy, hope my advice can help:

1. Pay attention to usage of articles.
The An uprising numbers ...; .. clothes that relate to the popular styles.
Note that definite articles refer to some thing specified (often something that has been refered to in previous sentences.)

2.Avoid redundancy. For example:
I believe this mindset can be viewed as is ...
"I believe" and "can be viewed as" have similar meanings. You do not need to state the same thing twice with different expressions.
Other examples: a sense of superior feeling superiority.
the new arrival of the latest clothes new arrivals

You have a rich vocabulary. I believe you may write much better essays if you use your vocabulary in a concise and clear way. :) Good luck!

Correction: ... clothes that relate to the popular styles.
TriceLiu   
Aug 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - TECHONOLOGY DEVELOPMENT (POSITIVE/NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT) [3]

Hi Siti! Your essay have a clear structure. But I have a few suggestions:

1. In the opening paragrph, you should have respond directly to the question "In what ways has technology affected relationship?" But you only said "technology has influenced relationships in various ways", instead of telling readers what the ways are.

2. In your second paragraph, you put forward the two things changed by technology: education and social life, which I think is a brilliant way of narrowing the topic down. But you spent much more words explaining "education" than analysing "social life". This makes your paragraph seem less even. You may improve your essay by explaining the "social life" part more carefully.

I am unsure which score to give, as I am not an IELTS Writing teacher. Sorry for that. But I hope my advice could help you and good luck with your writing!
TriceLiu   
Aug 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / Having Children Later in Life. Why is this trend occurring? What are the impacts of this development [3]

Prompt: Many men and women are making the decision to have children later in life.
Why is this trend occurring?
What are the impacts of this development on both family and society?


ps: This is a topic about which I have read and thought for a long time. So I tried to write longer than an IELTS Task 2 essay. Please kindly loot it through. Any advice/ criticism/ revision will be appreciated :)

postponing childbearing for later and its effects



ANSWER: Nowadays increased number of couples choose to postpone childbearing to a later phase of their lives. This may result from longer education and high economic pressure. The trend could lead to more happy and harmonious families but may deteriorate demographic conditions in many countries.

Today young people receive more education, which inevitably decreases fertility rate. For example, more than ever young Chinese are studying in university and a growing share of them will pursue a master's degree. This means many of them would not find a paid job and have the economic groundwork for raising a child until their mid or late twenties.

Even after leaving campus, the youth may not be ready to become parents, due to the high cost of nurturing a child. Couples with a child need larger houses which would be unaffordable for young people who have just entered the workforce. Good education can be costly as well. The high fees of kindergarten and extra-curricular classes put heavy burdens on young parents. This is why a significant proportion of 25-to 35-year-olds refuse to have children until they have the resources needed for child-upbringing which could take ten or more years to accumulate.

Apart from their financial advantages, old couples are likely to be mature enough for parenthood. From years of higher education and high-pace work, they have learnt how to organize their time. These parents would be able to balance child-upbringing and other things, setting aside enough time to play with their children. Ensuring enough time of family communication could contribute to a happier childhood for the new-born and a more harmonious family.

For society, however, more people delaying childbirth may decrease birthrates, worsening the ageing of population. Females who give birth to her first child in their late thirties, may not be young enough to have another baby. This could cause a decline in fertility rates. A fallen number of babies means future economic development would be hindered by an insufficient workforce.

In conclusion, more time spent in education and the high cost of raising a child have led to more couples having babies late. This is beneficial for family as parents are more mature; but could pose threats to the economy of a country, by lowering birth rate.
TriceLiu   
Aug 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / More and more animal species are becoming extince by human activies in land and sea. [4]

Nice essay, Bui! Your essay structure is very clear and easy to follow. Just a few suggestions:

1. ... and measures to tackle this ... present several measures to tackle this problem. Converting passive voice into active one will make your essay less tame and more clear. More important, you should use the same voice in two phrases connected by "and".

2. Be careful in spelling. For example, people have the demans demands of..., nutrious nutritious meals, Hundreds of elephans elephants.

3. Pay attention to collocations. Some words are used together to convey a certain meaning, and none of them should be replaced individually by other words. For example, better to say "This exerts/has a negative effect on wildlife" than to say "This leads negative effects"; Better to say "impose strict punishments" rather than "provide strict punishments". When unsure of whether a phrase sounds natural, you may check it in COCA, a corpus based on contemporary American newspapers, academic works and the like. You can then see whether the phrase is frequently used by native writers. I have found it quite helpful.

Good luck with your IELTS!
TriceLiu   
Aug 1, 2018
Writing Feedback / It's a big argument regarding opinion if a part-time job while study at university is worthy or not [4]

@lehuuquyen
Hi! Your language is neat but I have a few suggestions.

1. Make sure that the content of your essay is relevant to the prompt. You wrote about "taking a job when we are studying", while the topic should be whether to "take a job for a few years between school and university" (in other words, whether to work for some years after you graduate from senior high and before you enter uni".

2. Focus on one or two ideas and explain them with more sentences. The first sentence of your second paragraph, for example, is about becoming more mature by working in a store. Your essay's logical line will be more clear if you could add a few sentences, explaining why working in a shop and having more experience would make a person more mature. My revision:

First, taking a job would help young people gain social experience. For example, high school graduates who work in a shop have to interact with customers with different occupations and social status. Exposed to a wide variety of people, these teenagers would have a more in-depth understanding of society before they enter university. They are thus likely to have better inter-personal communication skills and adapt to society easily.

3. You should add one or two examples from your own example, as is required in the topic.

Keep up and good luck :)
TriceLiu   
Jul 31, 2018
Writing Feedback / Smoking is detrimental to the smoker and those who are nearby - smoking ban in public places [2]

Banning Smoking in Public Places



Prompt: Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Answer: Smoking is believed to be detrimental to the smoker and those who are nearby, and thus should to be prohibited in public places. I tend to agree with this argument for two reasons.

The first reason is that those who smoke in public places harm others' health. Public places, such as buses, shopping centers, and hospitals are often crowded, which means a large number of people will suffer from second-hand smoke if one person smokes. This air pollution in public places may cause coughing, high-blood pressure and even lung cancer in those who do not smoke. Second-hand smoke could be particularly harmful to children and the elderly, whose respiratory system are likely to be vulnerable. Banning smoking in public places would protect people's health by creating a secondhand smoke free environment.

Second, for smokers, forbidding smoking in public places would reduce their chance to smoke, which is good for their health. If workplaces ban smoking, for example, workers would have to go elsewhere in order to smoke. This inconvenience could contribute to a decline in their frequency of smoking. Additionally, some may resolve to quit smoking as it becomes more and more difficult to find a place to smoke. In this way, prohibition of smoking in public places would rid those who smoke of the detrimental habit.

In conclusion, banning smoking in public places would benefit non-smokers, by protecting them from second-hand smoke; meanwhile, such prohibition could help smokers reduce their frequency of smoking. That is why I completely agree that smoking should be forbidden in public places.
TriceLiu   
Jul 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. [3]

Question: In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. Do you agree or disagree?

are multinational companies a threat to us?



Essay: Multinational companies and their products have become an integral part of people's lives . Never before have multinational companies played such a pivotal role in society. Today, both manufacturing and distribution have gone global, increasing the quantity and variety of goods while driving down the price. Despite their potential threat to local environment, they improve life rather than destroying it.

Multinational companies may jeopardize environment in developing countries by setting up factories there. First, the need for raw material would drive companies to use up natural resources in developing countries where legislation and law enforcement for environmental protection are often scarcely upheld. Second, these manufacture factories are highly pollutive. Dirty water, carbon emission, and polluted air from these manufacturing sites could harm the health of residents.

Yet the arrival of multinational companies can boom the local economy. It provides plentiful job opportunities to locals who are desperate to earn a living. Factories built overseas are usually labor-intensive, thus could hire a large local workforce. Wages from multinational companies would enhance local purchase force, contributing to a dynamic economy. Employed by such companies, parents could also provide better schooling for their children, which could pull deprived families out of the poverty cycle.Customers could benefit from multinational companies. First, these companies provide alternatives to local products. KFC, a global food chain, for example, serves western fast food which local restaurants in Asia do not provide . Second, products from multinationals could be more cost-effective, as they are manufactured in areas where labor and natural resources are cheap.

In conclusion, though global companies may harm the environment of the developing world, they could bring benefits to their customers as well as the economy of where their products are manufactured.