Letters / 'I have sent you already our photos' - A letter to my father [4]

Ok... anyways, generally you begin your essay by greeting the person and showing more courtesy. So I'd suggest to include a sentence or two like'

Hope you are keeping well / Hope you are keeping in good health


This sentence is too long and also not delivering a clear idea. Break it into a few lines to arrange a better flow for your ideas.


Well.... your ideas are not logically linked. She bought you a phone as she had money and not because you had been a nurse :(

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2]: some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. [6]


I suggest you to have a more meaningful sentence to open your essay. This should hook your reader towards your writing and therefore it needs to be very interesting.


Actually your prompt is focused more on whether fashion is an important aspect of life or not. You need to argue on this issue from that perspective. If fashion is important in life, then it is fair to spend on it. Otherwise, not :)

Undergraduate / 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' - Yale supplementary essay [3]


What do you want to be in future? For me, I always had one static answer, "a Doctor".
But why?(I feel you should not repeat questions in your response)I'm lucky enough beingBeing born into a family of medical background,As a child I would simply say it was because I wanted to be likeandmy father being my idle and the best inspirationto whom I had looked up to all my life, because I admired the way he put his patients' mind at ease and treated them with his skilfulskillful hands.

Writing Feedback / It is important to respect authority but only if it not violate your own freedom [2]

It is good to know the purpose of writing this essay. Is this for IELTS or TOEFL? Or any other assignment? If you specify the purpose in the title itself then others get a better understanding about the task and provide you with more task related comments.

It is important to respect and revere authority, but only tillto the extent at which authority does not encroach upon your own freedom.


I like if you have a better link between the two sentences. The second one sounds a bit detached from the first.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: permit of women to run career in army must be supported [5]


... I always advise others to use direct speech in writing as it helps you deliver your idea with a better focus and improved clarity.
The perceptions on male and female gender roles in today's world,show a dramatic change compared to the previous eras.


In comparison to the past, women today tend to hold many job responsibilities that were restricted to the males in the past. It is most apparent in modern women's involvement in jobs in the armed forces.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Two bars: motivations to study and workers' support [4]

I like the approach you have followed for this task - Intro, Overview, Detailed paras. Let's look at the other areas of this writing :)


This has some issues with regard to clarity. The main reason I see is that you have lengthened this sentence too much. It is just one long sentence. Had you done couple of lines for this overview it would be much more clear and interesting to the reader. So consider rephrasing this line :)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL essay] Internship prepare students better for their careers [6]


"An" is used only when the next word begins with a vowel. For example - An egg, An experiment, An organization, An apple, An undertaking

Therefore this sentence needs correction.
A professional job
This is my suggestion for this sentence;
Almost every professional job requires university graduates with expertise and skills of its respective field.
Firstly, students will havestand bettermore chances to apply what they have just learned to the real life when doing internship in education program.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Where Talent Comes From [9]


Well, I don't find this is an effective hook. Your hook should be more meaningful and related to the issue topic. It should be catchy and interesting too.


This you do not really have to tell the reader. This is exactly what the reader expects you to do.


It is a very common observation that the children who are born to the parents with certain talents in music or sports, tend to follow their parents' foot path and become highly acclaimed in their respective positions.

Writing Feedback / Increasing fuel cost is just a band aid for solving environmental issues [3]


No one can deny that consumption of fuel has contributed largely to the environmental issues we face nowadays.


I feel this sentence provides a better entrance to your essay than the first sentence :)


The demand for fuel kept increasing as the world became more urbanized.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Old home Cares: Who should be responsible ? family or Governmnet [3]

Well.... I think you need to pay more attention to the essay approach which is more appropriate for this task.Your essay needs to have an introduction, body paras (ideally two or three) and a conclusion. In the intro, introduce the issue to the reader and tell them what is your stand on the issue. Then in body paras, give the reasons as to why you hold that stand and support your reasons with specific examples. Then in the conclusion, sum up everything you said previously and reinstate your opinion.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2] Job for a few years between school and university [7]

Nowadays, it is popular betweenamong the young people to start working during the gap year between the finish of thehighschool and the beginning of the university.

The main argumentreason in favour of startingdoing a job before starting a university career is that you will earn moneyit will help you earn money and thereby be independent., which let you to get independence. Therefore, you will be able to pay the rent for your house on your own and makealso gain work experiences.experience.

Writing Feedback / Many people believe that formal 'pen and paper' examinations are not the best [5]

Well, open your essay with a more meaningful sentence. The first sentence, which we call the hook, should be able to grab the reader's attention and also it should me more relevant to your topic. This is what I suggest;

Examinations have been the most popular method of assessing people's knowledge in the past.
Now start introducing the background of the issue;
However, some people believe that they are not the best way to assessing the knowledge of individuals.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - Well qualified graduates without employement [5]


This is not a very clearly presented idea :( You need to have a more interesting statement to open your essay. Your hook should be more interesting, catchy and meaningful.

This is why young persons decide to attend tothe university, or college. Unfortunatelly, many of them face a lots of issues, with one, most difficult for them- unemployement.unemployment.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'The apple never falls far from the tree' - Parents should teach children [10]

Well...ideally you should have four paras (or more) for this task that contain the introduction, 2 body paras (minimum - ideally 3) and a conclusion. I think it is better if you pay a little more attention to your essay approach as you need to follow a more appropriate essay structure to earn the best marks within the time given for performing the task. You have to be mindful about the time when you are preparing for this task.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Do guns can really increase the level of violence? [7]


wrong grammar :(
The number of criminals increases rapidly throughout the world.
The number of criminals is increasing rapidly throughout the world.
The number of criminals is on the increase rapidly throughout the world.
On the one hand, I agree that a police holds a responsibility to tackle of violence in the urban or suburban areas using a gun.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Problems and solutions for regional unbalance? [14]


Well... this is your hook which attracts your reader and provides a great entrance to your essay. So, it needs to be more meaningful and relevant to the topic.


You need to improve clarity of this idea. This is my suggestion for you;
We often notice that the people enjoying higher living standards in the urban areas while the people living in remote villages are less privileged in terms of quality of life.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Competition or co-operation? - 'shaking hands or being up in arms' [3]


Impressive start :)


Here you are narrowing down the topic a little bit. This is what your prompt says;


This does not talk only about educating children. It actually speaks more broadly as to how children should be brought up. It is important to understand the real meaning of your prompt and express it in its real sense.

Writing Feedback / Some Certain jobs are suitable for men/women because of their capabilities [4]

Men and women are contributing into today's world quite almost equally.
My suggestion;
Men and women make almost equal contributions to the today's world.


But, they are different in their physical strengths and capabilities.
Although,intellectually they mightthey do not display much differencesnot be compared ,physically and emotionally they arecan be very different.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart below shows the production of the world's oil in OPEC and non-OPEC [5]


Well, it is better that you have these parts separated in your essay - Introduction, Overview and the Body Parts. Accordingly, the second sentence of the above should move into the overview section. In the introduction, you should introduce the image presentation. In the overview, describe the main observations and trends very briefly. Do not have details there like figures and other data. They should go to the detailed paras.

Writing Feedback / 'food concession' - Give recommendation base on information of graphs [4]


What file? We don't find any file :(
If you want to attach a file , use the "Attach file(s) " feature in the message block for uploading it.
As requested by my client who wants to open a food concession stand at the stadiums , I madedid a research on the two graphs which illustrate the number of games and attendances in six stadiums. There is remarkable that Argonauts stadium has the highest attendance per game at 20000 people.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : Housing and accommodation has become a major problem in many countries [2]


Undoubtedly, the house is a primary need that provides us shelter to protect ourselves from hot sun and rain.
It is nicer when your hook (the opening sentence) is shorter. The hook needs to be catchy , interesting, meaningful and relevant to your topic.
It becomes a serious concern knowing the fact that a huge number of inhabitantsmany people cannot afford the accomodation.a house.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'career preparation' - reasons why people attend to schools [6]

Most of us go toattend college or university to getreceive higher education after graduating from high school. Each human is unique and so does histheir reasons for going to college.that decision.

I like if you chose the second sentence as your hook. Here we go;
Each individual is very unique and so does his or her reasons for pursuing higher studies after high school graduation.

Writing Feedback / some people believe that college student should consider only their own talents [4]

Well ... it is difficult for us to understand the purpose of writing this essay. Is this for practicing for IELTS? of TOEFL? You should mention the reason in title itself so that we exactly know about that and provide you with more meaningful and task related comments.


This suggests as if you are preparing for IELTS integrated Writing Task. Is that so?. :d

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Technology helps student learn more information and learn more quickly? [7]

In education, it is believed that technology helpsthe students improve their scholastic performances.
From my viewpoint, the richness as well as convenience of technology are two main factors that contributes to the students' progress in a large way.

To start with, since technology was introduced, students have been exposed to a wide range of information, which neccessarily broaden their minds.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work" [4]

Well, it is always good to post your essay prompt in full in the text block together with the essay. Then we would know what it exactly requires form you. Just mentioning it in the title is not really adequate for others to provide you with more meaningful comments.

People are God-givenwith god given talent ought to think they are very lucky.
You need to pay lots of attention to your grammar.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing 2 : Solutions to low-cost airlines' enviromental damage [3]

In recent times, travelling by plane , air has become more affordable thanks to the dramatical decrease in airlines pricesdramatic decline in airfare prices. This (no semicolon) however, leads to the issue of enviromental pollution as planesair travel burn fossil fuels at a higher rate than any other form of transport. It seems to me that both governments and individuals have roles to play in this situationprotecting environment from this issue.This essay will outline some solutions to this problem and evaluate their potential effectiveness.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Customs and behaviours followed by tourists or host should welcome. [8]


Ok .... the first thing I want to ask you is to include the prompt in the post. It helps us get an understanding about what it really requires from you :) It is anyway difficult to provide you with meaningful comments when we do not understand the prompt fully :(

ForIn my understanding, tourism can be an excellent mood of cultural exchangeunderstanding between both sides.the hosts and guests.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, making a decision is extremely difficult compare with the past [3]

Nowadays, making a decision is extremely difficult compared with the past. People live in digital- ageda digital world today which changes all aspects of the entire our life.(no comma)Thereforeso we should use a new way for making a decision. I completely agree that people should never make a vital decision by themselves.

Well, I think you are going completely out of topic here. You do not introduce your topic in its real sence :(

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Children's engagement in paid work. Right or wrong? [11]

Well, in the intro, you support one side of the issue. So, I believe it is easier and more effective for you to keep justifying that side of the argument in your body paras. Then it helps reader to be convinced as to why you think that way. Talking about both sides can be waste of time in convincing the reader about your opinion unless your prompt asks you to discuss both views.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : Salary is the most important consideration when choosing a job [5]


Ok... let me help you with your intro;
Along with the increasing physical demands of human lifein today's society , salary has become the most influentialimportant consideration in defining careers of everyone.choosing a job for most of the people.

Follow this approach for the intro;
Begin your intro with a hook sentence that can grab the attention of the reader. It should be catchy, meaningful and relevant to the topic. Then introduce the background of the issue to the by paraphrasing the prompt. Finally make a statement that clearly explains your view to the reader. :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: I highly recommend authorities to raise the age to leave school to 18 [7]

I have an admin request - It is good if you include your prompt in the post for us to get a better understanding about it and help you write an essay that fulfills its requirements. That helps you earn more meaningful feedbacks from others too :)

To takeTake the UK, for example. (stop here) earlyEarly school leavers often find it difficult to get a job due to their lack of basic knowledge and practical skills needed in the workplace.by the job.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL -advices from senior people are more valuable than from people at our age [5]

Well .... it is important that you include your prompt in the post for us to get a better understanding about it and help you write an essay that fulfills its requirements. Next time please include the prompt :)

There is no doubtsdoubt(or - there are no doubts) that advices advice aregiven by other people is very powerful and helpful.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Talent is one of the awesome things in the world [6]


.... more and better are comparative nouns and one makes the other redundant. So you should have one of them only in a sentence.
Some people suggest that talents isare a gift from god (no full stop) while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops.

The latter part makes the reader confused. I really do not get any meaningful idea from that :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2- insufficient respect is shown to older people [4]

Broadly speaking, the younger people have to respect the older one.people


This habit of respecting the elderly people is encouraged by almost every culture.
Today, however, the essence of this respect feeling seems likely to decline.to be declining.


.... Well, here you have a few issues - vocabulary is not appropriate, less clarity etc. Give more prominence to your reasoning;
One of the main reason why young people are less respectful towards the elders is that the influence of the TV programs that are more commercial based.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Equivalent number of two genders in terms of university's learning [2]


This sentence is too very long. Longer the sentence, less its clarity would be. Also, the reader is required to rmember so many details when the sentences are longer and that makes him bored. Write shorter sentences and enhance clarity of your sentences.

The most important reason why universities should allow equal number of male and female students forin every subjectcourse they offer is that, living in the world of freedom, students deserve the rights to choose their wishful majors so as to pursue their dreams, beautify their communities or simply exploit the best of their potentials.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - mobile phones: faster communication vs social problems [6]


Very good introduction. You follow the right approach, good grammar, vocabulary etc.etc. :)
In the first place, spending too much time on mobiles phones manymay exert an adverse effects on our social skills.


....whose mental development? You are starting a new para and therefore you need to specify whose mental development you are talking about.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Computers - What things will they be used for in the future? [8]

Although, computers made our life easy but it has tendency to get easily effectedaffected by viruses which may cause of major damagesto the data that are stored in them.


....very clever idea. I like to present it a bit differently;
First of all, computers help us save our time while maintaining the environment green with its ability to support paperless working.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Modern values; social status and material possessions [8]

It is obvious that our values and preferences change over flowingwith time. In the past- values such like honour or trust were the most important virtues of a person that defines his worthinessif it comes to person's worth . Today some people say that most of us look for more materialistic 'values'. But is it really so true and common?

Generally, it is recommended that you express your own opinion straight away in the last line of your intro for this particular task.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: "With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will gone" [2]

I totallutotally disagree with that opinion, because newspapers still have many benefits.
Presses are usually published by official organizations which represent for publicare better regulated.


Therefore they are made more responsible for safeguarding the integrity of news that they publish.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: Teacher is the best option for children's education in some aspects. [5]

As far as I am concerned, I agree with the view that the teacher is the best option for children's education in some aspects.


This is very well written. You have justified your opinion here with a good reason. However, you should support that justification with a specific example. Overall, you have very good writing skills and can aim for a good score.