Jennyflower81
Jan 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / (Television's Impact on children) my essay [3]
Nice work, great critical thinking. You have many good points for positive and negative reasons. A couple things you listed under positive- i think you mistakenly listed a few negatives under the positives. Double-check these.
Here is a sentence you could fix:
...they may weak their eye-sight at young age.
"...their eye-sight could weaken at an early age." You could say it like this.
Good job. You will turn all of these points into sentences, right? I can imagine that is how the essay is to be structured. If you re-do your paper, post it again, and I will try to edit that for you. Good luck in school!
Nice work, great critical thinking. You have many good points for positive and negative reasons. A couple things you listed under positive- i think you mistakenly listed a few negatives under the positives. Double-check these.
Here is a sentence you could fix:
...they may weak their eye-sight at young age.
"...their eye-sight could weaken at an early age." You could say it like this.
Good job. You will turn all of these points into sentences, right? I can imagine that is how the essay is to be structured. If you re-do your paper, post it again, and I will try to edit that for you. Good luck in school!