Writing Feedback / The best way for children to learn a new language is when they start in an earliest grade [3]

Make sure you go with some basic proofread prior to submitting your essay;


all countries


for putting/ in putting


their wishes


this is golden age


the best way to learn second language is when children enter the early grades


Primary school students are more likely to understand the subject easily if they are taught with fun.
thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items [3]


Please vary your sentences above. Let me give a try;
Initially, the proportion of money spent in national consumers shows that Food/ Drinks/ Tobacco records the highest of all, with 32.14%. Then, it is followed by the figure of Ireland where consumers are more likely to purchase these items, at 28.91%. Again, Turkey experiences 4.35% of leisure/education, and Italy spends 9% of clothing/footwear in the question of period.

Thanks,
eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / What influence people's personality more - born-characteristics or their experience? [3]


Some sentences show redundancy. I try to help you write a succinct introduction. For this prompt, let me give a try;


Everybody is unique by personality. The supporters of this argue that personality influences experiences that lead occupational success. Yet, I would claim that experiences are more important since they shape people's characteristics.

Overall, it is well-done. Make sure that you write this into 40 minutes. If you could, then I think this is good news :D
Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Report on the main features of the electricity production [4]

Your writing is well-done. Have you finished it in 20 minutes?
Thanks,
eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / The advanced technology has given influence to the interaction way among people. [2]

Adhisti, see my comments with green, and my edits with blue


Good introduction. Yet, where is your point of view? As you know, this essay asks you to discuss the tasks from the prompt. It is the lack of introduction to your point of view that weakened your introductory paragraph. Rework the introduction by including your point of view.


Good argument. However, the way you speak of the Internet used as means of communication comes nowhere. I did not see any improvement from the discussion, since you avoid talking more details in this issue. How email and texting have completely replaced letters and telegrams as the key hub of written communication is more in line with your essay prompt.

Apart from the discussion above, such innovations have developed personal relationships. It, for example, is more easily to keep in contact with friends from schools who have lived somewhere out of home town, and this means relationships stay longer. The only negative side is that the online applications attract people totally get addicted and result in the lack of face-to-face communication.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / The number of marriages-divorces and marital status in the USA [3]

Hi Guys, let me give you some feedback.
The word "generally" should be replaced with "overall" as the former one is more likely to be used in writing ielts task 2. When it comes to overview task 1 in particular, we use "overall" instead. This is the time to show an appropriate word if you think that you need to raise your LR.

If you have two main sentences running together, then putting and plus a comma is a must.

It is always good to write with linking words, but not too much. Try to train yourself not to use them seriously. Use reference words instead.

Thanks,
Eddy Suaib.

Writing Feedback / The budget of staying averages in two different towns as compared to the national cost-of-living [4]

Please include the picture of the graph, as it helps us understand what the graph is about. I have made some edits with with the blue highlight, and I write my comments with the green one.

The table provides the number of public expenditure averages into six categories in two different cities measured in percentage.
The writing above lacks for the clarity. I strongly suggest merging these parts into one paragraph so as that you have a good paragraph.

I have shown you how to make the sentence(s) more clearly and succinctly. Now you should present them here and show that you could break this paragraph into two. By doing so, this report has a coherence of paragraph. Thanks,

eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Ten-year summary on the amount of online sales for the New Zealand's retail sectors [3]

Stacy, a closer look at the slight improvement on the overview and the first topic sentence I have made. My edits go with the blue highlight, while the green one shows my comments.


Overall, what stands out from the graphs reveals that there is a fluctuation in online sales. Travelling recorded the highest percentage in 2003. In the following ten years, films and music have taken over this position.

You have a good point here, but the problem is the overview is too short. You need a 2-sentence overview.


The highest percentage involves a certain amout of travelling. In 2003, the number of online travel sales is about 36%. This percentage saw a marked decrease to 29% in 2013, a decline of about 7% in ten years.

Start with the most significant changes. The figure for travelling can be a stepping stone to introduce your opening sentence.
Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Pie charts on the degrees granted at National University; computer science is the highest proportion [3]

Where's the picture? It is hard you give you some feedback if no picture includes. Always include the graph every time you post your report.

Tips and advice for Double/triple graphs (IELTS)
Introduction: Write one sentence, but introduce each chart separately e.g "This first bart chart shows..., and the second chart illustrate
Short body:
Write 2 sentences. If the information in the charts is not connected, find one main point or general trend for each chart. If the charts are connected, try to make comparisons

Main body paragprahs: If the two charts are completely different (e.g. a graph and a table), write a separate paragraph about each.
If the charts are the same, and show the same information (e.g. 2 pie charts), do not describe them separately, the examiner will want to see comparisons.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Cost of Living Average in Riverdale and in Cape Alicia [4]


Stacy, it would be nice if you write the topic sentence with no figures. Let's give a try:
Money spent in Housing of Riverdale breaks the highest proportion, while this percentage in Cape Alicia falls to minus points

Tips and Advice for IELTS Task 1 Writing: TR, focus more on 'overall trends' rather than details. In this answer, you have an overview but this would be better used with 2 sentences like I did. Make sure you emphasise the key points in the overview, which in this case would be that, 'Overall, what stands out from the graph shows that the approximate cost-of-living percentage of Riverdale is higher than that of Cape Alicia. In any case, Housing ranks the highest percentage of all, while this figure reveals a significant percentage decrease in the second area. ' CC is good but I would advise you to have four paragraphs - an introduction, two main body paragraphs and a clear overview. LR is also good but there are lots of repetitive linkers and words, such as while and has. GRA is just good enough. You have problem with spelling e.g. "Finaly", should be "Finally". Likewise, the way you compare and contrast the figures is already done. However, we, the readers, feel tired since you present repetitive sentence construction e.g. ""While SV, SV/ SV While SV""

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Undergraduate / My future goals - what to do in the future is a decision for the rest of our life [6]

Hi Federica, I think you do not need to present in-depth discussion here. Save it for the bodies. Let me give a try for the intro;


It may be useful at some time to think about what the future holds. For some teenagers, creating their future with ambitious goals is a must. As I grew and time run, I have started to think about my life in the future as a lifelong learner, traveler, and a family-oriented woman.

It is an introduction with a hook, background information and a thesis statement. Always remember to write a clear thesis statement here as your stepping stone to talk later. Then, write the following paragraph with a topic sentence and an example. I think three to four sentences each is precise enough to discuss your views; a lifelong learner, traveler, and a family-oriented woman

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Once people could breath in a fresh air, their life was greater than todays convenience life. [3]

Hello Stacy, I have marked some points. Here are they;
Para 1:
the common benefit that we found on today's life
immense benefits that people enjoy from today's life
as technology and transportation have bring ease to human life.
as current technologies and transport services bring astonishing ease for human life
others argue that todays life is worse than the past since those transportation produce much pollution and then bring unhealthy life to humans
others argue that today's life is getting worse since such science inventions emit much pollution and make people lazier and less capable of doing things in both a physical and mental capacity.

Para 2:
I see that this paragraph goes nowhere. To solve this, the phrases technology and transport could be merged into one term, so as that you are more easily to discuss them into one issue. Let's say: the latest inventions . The second sentence contains bad grammar, which is two main sentences running together. I suggest putting a linking word, or full-stop.

Para 3:
Likewise, your example did not form a line with the topic sentence. I do not even know what the purpose of taking about the past here. It could be nice if you explain the means of transport more details. What aircraft and all-terrain vehicles produce air and noise pollution can be an interesting topic to attract readers' attention.

Overall, you write well and have good points to answer the prompt given. All you have to do is to pay particular attention to sentence-to-sentence agreement and slight grammar points.

Thanks,
eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / Alternative methods of the world exploring [3]


You intro is too complicated and tends to drift away. Let me give a try;


How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you can learn by watching televisions programmes and films about it?

TV and films as the best form of home entertainment these days open up the world. Such entertainment enables people to know more about some hemisphere world within their own home without having to venture out at all. While I agree with this view since I could learn about different people and places, I would also claim that actual travel provides a sense of adventure.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK: Continue further education, or work? [4]


This is not a 2-view essay. Closer look at the prompt


Your task is to discuss how much you agree with the issue. You are normally given ONE opinion, and then asked specifically if you agree or disagree with it. Here, a central claim is needed.This can be total agreement, disagreement or partly agreement. The following task is to give your reasons why.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 : Advertising leads people to purchase unnecessary products [4]

Your intro is well-done. However, the sentences beat around the bush. Write it with a succinct explanation so as to show a full of clarity

Advertising is a key part of modern business. While this is true since advertising plays an influential role as a trigger point for people to purchase unnecessary products, I would argue that the power of advertising takes fair proportion in the significant influence to common consumer goods.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / Advertising is known as the predominant factor which influence the high sales of popular stuff [3]

The intro seems complicated, as it constructs bulky sentences. You should get straight to the point and tell what is going on. Let's give a try:

Advertising can be found everywhere. This attracts people to purchase unnecessary products showed in TV commercials. While the power of advertising is astonished, I believe that decision-making process will be passed on to consumers.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words. Write about the following [3]


This needs a slight improvement on the flow of the sentence. Here do I show you how to write with a brief intro.
Past lives affect present circumstances. However, there is no evidence that life in the past was even better than today's life. What used to work before might not be working right now. This happens since modern technology simplifies life in so many ways. Therefore, I would argue that people today live with modern technology which increases human capabilities.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / With regard to the average of living cost in two different cities [3]


This sentence is too bulky. For the sake of simplicity, I strongly suggest breaking it. You could also merge the lists of living cost in between Riverdale and Cape Alicia. Let's give a try: Housing listed as public spending in Riverdale ranks the highest proportion of all. The percentage of this is about nineteen per cent, while the housing rate fell by -12.5 percentage points in Cape Alicia

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / The table provides the information which city is more expensive: Riverdale or Cape Alicia [4]

Here, I've marked the intro you need to look at.


After the intro, I strongly suggest writing a 2-sentence overview with a Noun Clause, as this could lift your point in grammar. Let's say: Clearly, what stands out from the graphs reveals that the approximate cost-of-living percentage rate listed in Riverdale is higher than Cape Alicia. Noted, Housing records the highest percentage of all, while this figure shows significant percentage decreases in the latter area.

Thanks,
eddy suaib

Writing Feedback / The Influences of High sales to the advertisement and people attracting (IELTS Task 2) [2]

First of all, I would say that a prompt in IELTS plays an important role in leading readers' understanding. For this, it is always good to write your prompt completely every time you post your essay here.

This para 1 is good. However, a slight improvement is needed.


What are you trying to say here? For sure, I cannot even catch the point here. Is it the sentence: Advertising campaign could sales figures of goods.


There is a fundamental flaw in this sentence. Some goods could be purchased, while others are not since they do not provide all the necessary values that people need


Here, you should give a clear claim why you say so, in order to make raise a solid thesis statement.

Thanks,
eddy suaib.

Writing Feedback / How might the advantages of studying in another country outweigh the disadvantages? [3]

I think you cannot even write "However' in the first paragraph, since there is no contrast opinion. With this paragraph, the thesis statement is too vague, since you do not raise a strong claim on what to do in the following body paragraph.


What do you want to say here? Your point after a concluding signal is zero thought. Also, the personal statement drifted away.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Causes of Worldwide land degradation (Pie Chart and Table) [4]

your report is good, but you fail to classify the data in a paragraph.
Rewrite your report right now with the following steps;
Para 1: Merge you intro with an overview written Noun Clause. Let's say: What stands out from the two graphs reveals that ...
Para 2: Start comparing the major cause, overgrazing, in the pie chart with the table.
Para 3: Deforestation as the second major cause is to be compared in between the pie chart and the percentage of land degraded in region.
Para 4: 28% of over-cultivation worldwide land should be clearly explained with how this affects the region land.

Writing Feedback / The number of kilometers of route and passengers per year of railway system in six different cities [2]

Given is the table is a good phrase to show that you have a full grasp of grammar. However, you should know that the main point of IELTS report is to mantain the flow of these sentences. Likewise, I suggest avoiding the inverted sentence because not all examiners enjoy reading the style.

In your overview, it is always to use a comma in between overall and it can be seen... Also, I suggest using Noun Clause, such as "What stands out from the graphs reveals that... "as here is the right place to use it.

After I read your report, then I realize that you need to rework for the tense use. Pay attention to time duration.

Thanks.

Writing Feedback / Source of information choice - Learning by Watching or Learning by Visiting? [2]

Here are some points;
Television programmes and films are the greatest source of information for people (I like the way you start the intro) . As such, some people admit (Argue/ Believe/ Claim/ Think is the common word for this. I am not sure for the one you wrote) that by watching television programmes and movies, they can obtain more information about other countries without travelling to these countries since news broadcasting and films provide much knowledge about what happenS in other regions. However, I would argue that cultures and beliefs are something that people cannot learn from watching films and television programmes ( a comma here) but from visiting the countries.

Television helps people in learninglearn so much things (Try not to use this word since it is too vague) from other countries. As such, the supporters of this trend claim that they have gathered much knowledge ( It seems that you really favour this word. What about "impressive grasp of the issue" ) about other countries from television programmes and films. Firstly, they get knowledge about international news since news broadcastingmedia offers so much information about what happenis going on in other countries such as their politics, their economics and their social life. The second is, ( no comma here) people learn history of other countries by watching historical films which are mad e based on true story. In addition, by listening to reporter and seeing pictures and subtittles ( This sounds repetitive. Why do't you try another point so as to prevent being redudancy? , people start learning other languages unpurposely.unintentionally

However, not all knowledge can be learnt by watching TV programmes and films ( As I know, you need to write an inverted sentence if you start writing with a negative statement, such not all) . Cultures and beliefs are something ( what is it? Define it clearly) that people can understand only by visiting other countries. For example, learning about Songkran Celebration in Thailand. ( Write this in a full sentence)By watching people will only know that this festival belongs to Budhist people and it is a reflection of purifying, but by visiting and joining this celebration people will understand more about the spirit of Budhist societies ( Well, this sentence is too bulky. As a result, you cannot even create a good sentence. I suggest breaking this into two sentences. A simple and short sentence is always good to lead your reader) . Consequently, this visiting activity leads people to learn more about what activities that people do in this celebration and also to learn how to respect other customs. Therefore, to learn more about other countries' cultures, visiting and being part of society are better than watching television or films.

To conclude, television programmes and films are very important ( Always remember to raise a reason as to support your claim every time you use this word for people to know more about what happens in other countries. Nevertheless, to understand more about beliefs and cultures of other nations, people have to travel to those countries. Therefore, it is better for people to visit other regions so they can conduct deepin-depth knowledge about these areas.

Overall, you have a good point to support your claim. However, some flaws interrupt your sentences. Hope that you pay attention to all highlights from the essay above. Revisiting and revising it is a must in order to have a strong essay. Best of luck

Writing Feedback / Children, in accordance with their passion, understand better what jobs are more suitable for them. [2]


A better future for children has proved elusive. As such, young people should be driven to make important decision about what to do with their profession. This seems a highly acceptable answer as long as both children and parents could reach mutual agreement. An alternative view of this, I would claim that the youth of today should opt to go on to their own decisions for a profession.

Writing Feedback / In order to avoid confusion of difference behaviour, many companies have developed a guideline [2]

International business activities are where people from different cultural background exchanges goods and services in a timeless world. Here, international people need to understand how one's culture works. Take one example, negotiations between Asian and Western companies are totally different when they do closing down sale. For Japanese business executives, it is rather difficult to them to say "NO" quickly, while Americans are more likely to be faster. As a result, it takes some time to deal with Japanese people in business rather than Americans. It is thus clear that it is a must in fully grasping the significance of what has happened in international business-to-business transaction

A basic proofreading is well-done since sentence to sentence has been tightened up.
Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / Nuclear technology is an inexpensive and unpolluted power source; energy at a relative low cost [3]


You have done for the intro, but you need to reword a few sentences. Let's give a try;
Since 20th century, some countries have started using nuclear technology, as this could be used to replace the use of natural resources like coal, oil or gas. While this is true to some extent, some others argue that the nuclear technology could bring a significant problem, as the waste from nuclear energy is extremely dangerous. Therefore, I would argue that the revival of nuclear technology could mitigate global warming effects.


Likewise, this paragraph need revising. Here is a step to do; Write your first opinion. This can be done with one sentence called topic sentence followed by a reason. Then you have to raise a specific example to support the topic. It is always good to merge your sentences with some linking words/ conjunctions. At the end of the paragraph, try to summarize the topic sentence. Do this step every time you write a new paragraph :D


In conclusion, it seems to me that while the waste of nuclear technology brings dire warnings, the contribution of nuclear technology can be channeled to serve people in a positive way. It is imperative that stakeholders should allocate money invested wisely to set up this technology.

When it comes to a concluding paragraph, your task is to simply restate the thesis statement taken from the intro. Also, you need to give a personal thought in the end of the sentence. A closer look at this:

1. A concluding signal: In conclusion
2. Restate the thesis taken from the intro;
While this is true to some extent, some others argue that the nuclear technology could bring a significant problem, as the waste from nuclear energy is extremely dangerous. Therefore, I would argue that the revival of nuclear technology could mitigate global warming effects.

3. Personal thought. This can be a hope, fear, or suggestion;
It is imperative that stakeholders should allocate money invested wisely to set up this technology

hope this helps :D
Best of luck

Writing Feedback / The bad effects of deforestation on the environment [5]


.
Let's say: Forests play an important role in making the earth's environment suitable for life, as forests provide homes for animals and supply paper products for humans. However, a large number of forests of the world today are being cut down due to the lack of awareness of human beings. Hence, environment is being impacted seriously; deforestation.

Writing Feedback / Is the criminality among youngsters caused by the lack of the social and emotional learning? [2]

A few words should be omitted so as to present succinct introduction
More attention should be paid on how to prevent people aged 18 and less perpetrating criminal activities. As it can be seen, the rise in amount of crime is caused by social and emotional vulnerability. While I believe that external influences such as friends, environments, and media play an important role in children's criminal behaviour, I would also argue that senior citizens should be involved in tackling this issue.

Writing Feedback / Saving earth from enviromental damages caused by over using air to support exporting (IELTS Task 2) [3]

You need to rework this intro. Let's give a try:
As air transport is increasing significantly, international trade of fruit and vegetables becomes a timeless word. Many a person claims that this way brings great importance as there seems widespread edible fruits. However, the idea of using air transport so as to reach this aim is not valued by some others.Therefore, I would argue that carrying fruit and vegetables by air reduces costs and time.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : It is important to keep the circuses exhibition, without using rare animals. [4]


It needs more focus on how to align this intro closely with the prompt given. Let's give a try:
Animals need to live in wildlife sanctuary. For this reason, the idea of animals should be kept in cages and used in circuses or other entertainment events is not the most valued by some people. However, some countries are less likely to enforce the laws to avoid animals being used commercially.


I think this topic sentence is too weak to support the sentence.
Let's give a try. Supporters of this idea argue that it is a job of government to implement the law so as that animal rights are protected.


It is always good to stay closely with the keyword "animals" in your topic sentence.

If this is the IELTS essay, then I want you to pay particular attention to how this is constructed. That's I have done. Next, you need to check the grammatical errors found everywhere

Writing Feedback / Firstly, when the rain falls, the dam is full for a period of time. How the rainwater is reused. [5]

Overall, this is good. I just have a few improvements in grammatical points of view


This sentence describes a method or means. Therefore, I would be nice if you use participle clauses with adverbial meaning.
By collecting in the dam, the rain water is sent to the water treatment plant using a pipe.
Noted: I use 'the' so as to refer to the picture given.

Be consistent for the sequencers



Secondly


Lastly


The reason why I use As instead of When is to say that one thing changes while another thing changes in the same time


On falling into the roof and water tank, the rain water stored is sent to the garden.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / The process of pencil making from graphite and wood [3]

The first paragraph makes a brief statement about the information contained the diagram, plus the overview. Also, the following three paragraphs gives data on the several advanced steps. There would not be enough time to describe everything in the diagram, but the main points have been made. This report writing has been structured by focusing on each step of the manufacturing process separately. There is much use of the passive; for example, are made and should be dried in, but there is repetitive use of Cohesive devices, for example, Afterwards(written twice) and and (many times). Overall, this report is well written. I do not have any grammar correction, even a few, as this report has been passed in basic proofreading

Writing Feedback / The process of the greenhouse effect in the earth' surface - too much gases accumulated [3]

The diagram illustrates the process of the greenhouse ...

I like the way in which you presented this intro. You started introducing the diagram with a simple sentence showing a process of greenhouse. Likewise, you created an overview with a periodic sentence to show general discussion.

Basically, energy from the sun will be released to the earth's ...

Well, I think that you succeeded to present well-prepared sentences. Initially, this paragraph starts to explain the sun as the main source of energy transferring heat to the earth. Then, it is followed by some sentences describing how the greenhouse effect is created. However, I suggest having a bit change for this


which should be Not all is this energy reflected of the atmosphere. Here, you are to use an inverted sentence.

Moving to a more detailed analysis from the picture reveals ...

Good. What has been shown here is some detailed information dealing with the process of carbon dioxide, from how human activities affect the environmental damage to which areas of the earth are reached down to amounts of toxic gases.

Writing Feedback / In general, Social Sciences, Arts leads highly of the main fields of study than the other subjects. [4]


It takes some time to give some feedback, as this writing has no picture included. I suggest attaching the picture right now. Also, you need to rewrite this report writing, using this following structure:

1. Introduction: what does the chart show?
2. Overview / summary: what are the most noticeable features?
3. Specific details: try to write 2 paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / In order to produce a good movie for the audience, the film industry needs to push to their limits [2]

Well, I think that you need to write your prompt completely, so I know what is the purpose of this essay. Let's say; this is an argumentative essay. When you write an argumentative essay, you are to do a small research regarding your theme. This means that you are to collect all relevant information about your discussion. Also, you should present your position on the topic, a solid position, whether you partly agree, or both. Always remember to make sure that your key ideas and supporting facts are clear and easily understood. If you could, then evaluate for accuracy and acceptability as you present your argument as evidence in your essay.


,


,


,


This is always good having at least one subject and one verb to create a sentence. It is a must for all essays.

Writing Feedback / There are some huge gaps between male and female regarding teaching - IELTS [4]


This overview has covered all the data given. However, this needs more than a sentence. Always remember to vary your sentence with the complex one. Let's give a try:

It is clear that the number of teachers in College was expressed as the same percentage. Although the dominant man teachers were the largest in the group of University, woman teachers were more likely to teach in Nursery/Pre-school and Primary school.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: ASDA supermarket and its reasons! Close to home, good reputation, 24-hour shopping, etc. [2]

Overall, this is well-written. However, I notice a minor problem


The figure for Parking facilities seems to be the major reasons for both sexes, by 20 female and 21 male voters in favour.



What if you merge together the two sentences? The use of cohesive device 'while' is infinitely preferable to connecting them.

Writing Feedback / Choosing the custom of the place you live, and your own custom, has always been a polemical topic. [3]

Let me share some flow


It is a must for some people to get accustomed to understanding customs of a country in which they live.


What seems hard for some people who live in a different country is how complex communication gathered from a range of unfamiliar customs must be understood and prioritized.


Although this sentence is well-written, it seems that the word: custom interrupts the whole sentence.


not to get accustomed to

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Coffee exports in 3 different nations. [2]


This is the first time you mention, so Indefinite article is needed: A 10-year period


Semi-colons are not frequently used in contemporary English. Commas are much more common.


This is not reminder . Watch its meaning closely.



Always imitate the phrase with care. Then, you know how it should be used, not just to copy and cut ;)