Writing Feedback / The comparison of overseas students who graduated from universities in Canada. [2]

The bar chart presents the proportion of graduated international students from college in different Canadian provinces from 2001 to 2006. Overall, the majority of the student graduations from different locations experienced an increase over 5-year period. In any case, while all provinces showed a significant rise, only Alberta province decreased from 2001 to 2006.

According to the chart, there were three provinces witnessing the highest percentages of students who graduated from university in provinces of Canadian just above 10% from between 2001 and 2006. British Columbia was the highest difference of proportion approximately by 5% to 11% over 5-year period. Students who graduated from New Brunswick and Nova Scotia province were the second popular graduation that had a similar percentage, approximately by an increasing 2% from 2001 to 2006.

A closer look at the percentage of the data revealed that Manitoba, Newfoundland & Labrador and Ontario provinces had the same percentage as the increasing number of students who new graduation with regarding to 3% during a period of time. Interestingly, only Alberta province presented a decreased by approximately 1% over the time of period.

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Writing Feedback / Government policy is not inappropriate to solve today's issues [2]

It is true that consuming fast food routine can affect people's health. While an opinion says that government is responsible arranging food taxing to reduce an unhealthy food, I would argue that there are some reasons should be considered rising the food cost.

The number of delicious fast food has been increasing significantly disturbing people health over time. More and more people order fast food every day because they have a bound time to prepare balance diet. To illustrate, a working time in rush hours forces their time to do a wide range of schedules in office in which rest time they have without a healthy food. Having a breakfast or a lunch must be had in a hurry. So, they are less time take care great to choose a balance diet. As such, companies that provide a lot of junk food such as hamburger and hotdog ordered by employees in a restaurant have many chances to sell them due to limited time of consumers to option food. In my opinion, here should be a policy taken by government to manage selling fast food by high food taxing.

Furthermore, there are some reasons before the government publishes rules regarding a high cost junk food. Firstly, if policy doers design some rules of food price, they should view consumers how much money they could spend to purchase food. Automatically, price junk food will rise sharply because of high taxing. In fact, buyer of junk food can be predicted fell down to buy the food. As a result, the economic will be unbalance then companies which have available junk food reducing their workers affected of few people to eat junk food it can be also less companies' profits. Secondly, as far as I am considered, I think neither high taxing nor ban people eat fast food can diminish problems. Government should inform only effects of fast food for human health such obesity. Finally, people will be seldom to eat junk food. It is appropriate act to solve obesity issues.

In conclusion, indeed an unhealthy food affects humans' condition like obesity, I think that government guide societies what are dangerous things if they consume junk food over. It is unfair whether putting high taxing of fast food or reverse.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 the reasons for studying according to student's age [2]

Hello every one. I try to improve my IELTS in particularly Writing Task 1. I would appreciate your feedback.

The first bar chart gives information regarding the reasons for studying according to student's age and the second chart shows supporting by Employers Time off and help with fees.

Overall, it is noticeable that there are two reasons of students who take a course both career life decreases over decade by each group and student's interest has reasons taking a study a slight increase during a period of time all ages. In any case, the most famous support by Employers is under 26 of ages.

To begin with, the highest percentages is under-26 of age standing by 80% for career in the study reasons, opposite for interest it takes only 10 % over decade. Interestingly, looking at the data of 40-49 ages in career reason is the same 40 % as for interest. Over 49 ages illustrates that the figure of career has the lowest percentage, while student's interest takes just under 20 % during a year-period.

It can be seen, in the second graph, it takes under 26 ages having the most interesting in supporting by Employers with fees. After decreasing by 30-39 ages, there was a slow increase from 30 % to 45 % between 40-49 ages and over 49.

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Writing Feedback / People around the world pursue the internet as sophisticated media to do anything such info and data [2]

I try to solve my broken grammar here. I am glad to have your feedback.

A developed technology is becoming more and more raising. There are many ways people could play and see with advance technology, and then people gain merits of technology tools. It can be seen some experts using the media net promoted products. This essay would explain negative effects of media such the internet pursued profits by shouting costumers then why ordinary people enjoy purchasing stuffs what they love on the internet.

Over a number of years, people around the world pursue the internet as sophisticated media to do anything such info and data. Several of folks catch much information what they hope. One example is news, internet users obtain adverts provided by the internet web. In fact, it makes human lives easily to deal with. It is because they do not leave a room when they need or buy things. They might order e-tickets or e-book as daily necessary that is only press a button of a computer log in a web and to choose adv. It makes people's activities commonly better.

On the other hand, people should be careful little when they buy things on the internet. This is because that sometimes there is a person who mislead when they are a price deal, or often when people order things it is not deal with they want previously. So, this is a negative impact shopping on the internet wrong ways. Even thought people do not take a line when they will buy things on the internet, but they should be mind too that they must choose which one is the good web can be believed to purchase equipment.

In conclusion, advance technology creates people's life fast. There are many ways people would see on internet like shopping. Although internet technology is the only one tool helping human being of changing lives so fast, I suggest that people should pay too much attention shopping on internet. In my opinion, the internet shopping has benefits for human breath while it also contains some drawbacks.

Writing Feedback / Both schools and parents should be responsible for solving eating problems of children. [3]

It is very helpful to give me feedback.

These days, there are many young men had problems an unhealthy lifestyle. This is caused several activities that lack of physical exercise and sport. While some people assume that parents and schools should take away responsible to reduce this issue, I too believe that government also must inform how to solve or might provide equipment for some solutions.

Recently, a famous magazine gives information, many children have problems regarding fat and obesity, this is effected by their activities just sitting down in front of television and there is no a balance diet, because parents have a busy time, no time to prepare a hygienic food at home so that most children eat some fast food which are less nutrition and vitamin of diet.

Less control in school becomes students often not to appreciate foods that they eat. Sport schedule may be one solution to control this problem. Children should do sport like soccer to manage their body called a balanced diet. Besides, take a walk to go a school is a little solution that controlling a good activity because when they are walking a body can produce sweat meaning they could have gotten a body healthy reducing a fat or obesity.

Another important thing is government action, the government should demonstrate how to do a balance diet, consume some fruits and vegetables, going to gym and field to catch sport, if that is done, it can be a best solution to manage an unhealthy problem.

Writing Feedback / The appropriate punishment of children to teach right and wrong [6]

hallo. please correct my essay. thank you

It is important for children to learn the different between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with opinion?

What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

Children as the next generation, are crucial to study how behave right and wrong exactly, demanded parents and teachers' roles to teach a well-behaved. Punishment is a way in which they could differentiate between true and false. I agree that children are punished if they do mistakes.

To begin, a father or mother, a leader who appreciate children's behavior at home all the time, gives an affectionate huge in order to possess a mutual connection, should have a rule when a child do mistake. For example, he or she was late coming home because they are not on time when completing the lessons in school. This is a mistake that had been done by children and must be given an action by parents so as to being discipline more likely a piece advice. As a result, children could understand right or wrong activities.

In addition, teachers are also educator in class where some of students have done blunder such as they perform lateness a class attending. In my opinion, a teacher should inform a student a little warning or punishment like they cannot join the class. This way would help students to be discipline. As a result, children are able on time schedule fast.

In conclusion, punishment which is given by parents and teachers to educate children has assisted well to be independent, discipline person and knowing what the true and false are.

Writing Feedback / The programs as a charity or helping neighbourhood have a lot of advantages for students [5]

Hello Guys. help me to correct my essay. Thank You so much.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children ).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This day, there are many programs for students in high school those aim to be a sense of mutual cooperation in society such helping a charity and building the neighbourhood. while some opinions say that it should be an obligation, I think that the unpaid community service including young people is excellent treatment as a human being.

If youth takes a part of charity events, it can be a trouble in school subjects. Students face inconsistent of class' lessons because the schedule of community services is deadline, there is none time managing to design to be expert of subject in school. In any cases, when student want to take an exam, they should be more concentration on his or her subject to catch a high grade. They could be failed if do not study hard for class examination. Therefore, to join in part of group service is unnecessary for young generation because formal education must be the number one.

Although working community life for students is not entirely good way for young children, it has also positive sides improving children's future particularly their mutual connection. Firstly, they can do a friendship keeping touch each other in every event. Moreover, when some students teach sports they can learn by doing new situation or condition and then they realize numerous relationships with new people while he or she involves of a charity affair. Moreover, it has a wide range of benefits such as self-confident and independently. Secondly, being a part of that event is more and more new experiences can be touched it become a personal life to be high level in society because of become an active person. So, it brings more proud of student's family.

To sum up, the programs as a charity or helping neighbourhood are a children pride and having a lot of advantages for students. Those are good for children a lead in the future bright as human being.

Writing Feedback / Foundation school - Learning a foreign language early vs a children capability [2]

I am trying again to learn in developing sentence. needs some suggestions.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Learning a foreign language as a basic skill of children to understand well is important part particularly expert in English. While some views say it brings advantages of children's knowledge, others argue it also can carry up several weaknesses in individual learning of young men in class. This essay will inform some results when children are taking an English lesson and the reasons why it should be given of secondary level at schools.

It is argued that knowing a foreign language alike English exercise in foundation class at school might bring a number of benefits for young learner. Admitted, English as an international subject which should be known everyone will be beneficial road opening knowledge spread in the international network as the language which is used in world news. Take an example, when children play such as online on the internet game facilitated a large number of English words, sometimes children as a player should be understandably the options menu prior to fighting a game. Moreover, a child is an active person quite curiosity searching a Television program provided overseas language likely CNN and U-see TV in my country Indonesia. So, teacher at school should teach them a basic English even though those are a numbering and a letter of English words.

On the other hand, a foreign language is crucial if children study at early age, but it brings some disadvantages too. In Indonesia, schools have a wide range of subjects, not only a foreign language but other subjects also such as Biology and Math this is a few example of subjects. I guess that experts in class must not transfer a foreign language in first level at school because children get puzzled and not to focus one subject. Furthermore, English is not easy chapter to be studied by beginner pupils because they have to be an expert of writing and reading, besides speaking and memorizing a few vocabularies. So, secondary school may be a best place to acquire foreign language skills for children.

In summary, children who learning a foreign language of elementary school can get merits if they are given a suitable method. It is unfair to blame better secondary school learning than foundation school. My view, studying a foreign language at primary or secondary school must be determined much as children's capability.

Writing Feedback / Woman's success or position around society has a mutual connection with a good character of children [2]

Hay please help me to check my essay especially my developing paragraph.

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Women's role in a home teaching particularly for children is important to control out children behavior. In this day, a career woman as contributor of women success is often spoken that had reduced time between women and young age. While some opinions blame that increasing number of juvenile delinquency is caused of a busy woman in work, my views support that there has other cases why young men involve in conditions badly.

Admitted, a huge number of women activities had taken time so much outdoor in which their time lack for children at home. It is a determined effort which is really done by women what to do for fulfilled a family needed such as food, clothing and shelter. To illustrate, children's mom as an artist must be working hardly involving a rush hour and commuter five days a week pursuit family income. Moreover, they should be also surviving a job position likely a shape women identity in an existing career in modern era. In my opinion this is no issues for their lovely child because they could pay a baby sister keeping touch a son or daughter with a better way. As a result a good attitude which can be given by sister shelter.

On the other situation, a wide range of teenager problems, violence and high crime rate, is not as full as can blame a woman owing to various other activities such as Television and The internet, children play online networking faced a negative fighting video then they may imitate a video with friends. Therefore, a criminal act was there. So, these results are a further proof of children negative behavior, and not always the woman the cause of juvenile delinquency.

To sum up, I too believe if juvenile delinquency requires woman hands to care out boy or girl lives without kill women activities outdoor. Woman success or position around society has a mutual connection with a good character of children.