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Posts by Riiskacha03
Name: Riska Dewi Yanti
Joined: Jan 5, 2016
Last Post: Feb 21, 2016
Threads: 31
Posts: 34  
Likes: 5
From: Indonesia
School: State University of Makassar

Displayed posts: 65 / page 1 of 2
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Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Interviewing candidates before hiring them as great method for choosing new employees [2]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

Majority of companies hold on a interview before recruiting new worker of certain profession. I immensely believe that this is not the best way to offering someone a job since some people are not able to show their full ability through the interview, it is better to give them an aptitude test to measure their capability on offered job.

Interviewing the candidate is not the best way to selecting the prospective worker, since it does not covering the ability of the applicant's ability in required position. The test as dialog would immensely analise the capability of someone in communication matter and general knowledge, it cannot involve any practical ability testing and may lead to misjudgement of talented candidate. A technician often lack of communication skill, but they still have required skill, so if they just through the interview, they would not have any chance to show their actual capabilities and the company miss the capable applicant.

The best way to measure candidate's skill is aptitude test. This test could heed the employer to find out the candidate's qualifications which are needed objectively, while the applicant could prove his self as the person who deserve the offered profession. For instance, the bank officer candidate should be tested on Intelligent Quotient (IQ) Test which include the Financial Administration and Trade Test to measures the basic required mathematics skill of the applicant.

In conclusion, the interview would lack of the some indicators of recruiting the applicants which will be filled by aptitude test.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Line graph - spending much money on buying books [3]

Hi Anita, your uploaded picture is not suitable your explanation. the other thing is, since the time frame between 1995 and 2005, so you have to use past tense in your writing. please look at the time carefully before start to analise the data. I will not make correction of the tense anymore since I had already mentioned it to you.

Firstly, 80 million of the German'S income ...

... to books stood at roughly 55 MILLION ...

the slight decrease during the period had not reached the third position .
it is better to clearly mention in what rank German now rather than mention that it had not reached any certain position.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Artefacts, having artistical and historical value are objects attractive to be seen directly [2]

Hi Anita, you have a good essay with less grammatical error, so I will give an advice about the content of your essay generally.
since the task is agree or disagree, you have to clearly state in what extent are you standing, just simply mention are you disagree or agree toward the given statement.

other is, in your conclusion, it is clear that you say that 'position of public museums and art galleries cannot be substituted by the sophisticated computer'; however in the last line of your second body paragraph you describe computer as 'this is more effective and efficient to learn about art.'. This is such as contradiction and this is what makes your writing is not clear.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Colour is a special tool that is used to sell something [2]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largerly influenced by color. How true this statement and how much does colour influence us when we buy something?

Color is considered taking part in any buying decision, and reckoned affect immensely toward retail corporation selling. It its justified to say that color impact the number of trading in a company, yet it does not the main reason of vendible's demand among the buyers.

Color brings great influence toward the number of the demand of a product in retail business's marketing. This is because citizens would really consider their taste when they want to purchase a product in a market. For instance, when a girl want to buy new clothes, they tend to pick the one which colored by their favorite or missing from their collection.

In reverse, color is not the main priority of the consumers when they are deciding whether they will buy the product or not. Other factor as the quality is often more evaluated by the buyer to ensure that the product is enable to be used for long time. A case study experiment which is conducted by one of the most famous boutique in France toward their consumers shows that 85% of shops clients will consider the quality of the dress first over other factor as color, since sometimes the value of dress is more than a clothes so they want to keep it as long as possible.

In conclusion, even though color help the buyer to make decision when they want to buy a brand, mostly people will consider the quality of the offered commodity to make sure they able to use it for long time.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Studying in university can determine the future of individuals and change our society for better [3]

Hi Linda,

one idea paragraph is involved as topic sentence, explanation, and example or result and conclusion as an addition. however, your first body paragraph is not include those aspect clearly. it is good to put a conjunction as 'for example' in your example to make the reader can separate it from the explanation, except if it a clear explanation as the result of a study.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of elderly people in Japan was stable between the years of 1960 and 1980. [2]

the PROportion of elderly citizens in all ... In any case, the highest increment is witnessed by Japan.

To begin, from 1940 to 1980, the percentage of aged people in USA and Sweden stood at 9% and 6% respectively in 1960 , and then increased slightly to 10% in Japan ? and 8% in Sweden in 1960.?

make the grouping clear so you can develop your writing well. if you want to discuss about period from 1940 to 1980 as a group, so do it so. but if not, just mention the year once without mention any other group of year, like you do. other mistake is, what do you mean by mention Japan there?
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Companies are encouraged to rebuild in the remote area, beyond big cities in many nations. [2]

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Companies are encouraged to rebuild in remote area, beyond big cities in many nations. This essay will argue that, even though this would bring advantage toward the metropolitan city, the drawback which may occur as the impact of the sustainable implication will outweigh any merits.

Companies are considering to build new factory in outskirt in order to find flexibility in designing and constructing. This is because, there are still more space there rather than in the city, so it may reduce the stress in local environment. When I went to my parents' home town, there was a new factory which was built there and it was wider than some companies which I had visited before in the city. It can be seen that, if this keep continuously, it might lead to other crowded and environmental destruction in a couple of decades ahead.

New industrial area construction in outskirts would reduce the remaining green area which is rarely found in other area. Clearing of the local forest is needed in order to expand construction area which would cause more deforestation in immense scale there. The Ministry of Industry in my country, Indonesia had stated that the minimum area of new industrial estate is around 1,000 hectares, which means that there will be forest destruction covering it number. This would increase the rate of climate change and brings destruction toward the surrounding in the remote.

In conclusion, move the construction of business and industries to outskirts will bring more harmful effect toward the environmental rather than the positive impact.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / A separate room for nicotine users may limit the bad effect of the cigarette smoke on non-smokers [3]

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

Some countries have determined smoking in public areas as illegal and urge smokers to leave the area if they wish to smoke. While this is true to some extent, I also agree that construct certain smoking area in public place would be great to against the effect of smoking toward others who do not use it.

Some countries have decided smoking is forbidden in public area, even certain countries have been stated that it is not allowed inside the country. This prohibition based on the consciousness of smoking toward both the smoker and the people around them. Buthan, the country in the foot of Himalaya mountain restricts its citizens from growing, harvesting, producing and selling tobacco products activities throughout the Kingdom of Bhutan under the Tobacco Control Act of Bhutan, 2010.

In other countries which are allow the cigarette using, they put some limitation toward the users. There is a smoking area which is constructed in almost all of public infrastructure which facilitate the smokers and maintain other's pleasantness in the same place. The fact is, smoking area now have been settled as basic edifice which have to be constructed in public building as airports and hospitals in the countries around the world.

In conclusion, build a room for the smokers could limit the bad effect of the cigarette smoke toward those innocent people's lungs health. It is recommended that government take a long-term policy to reduce the using of cigarette which may lead to the improvement of the public's health.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Electronic media can cause several disadvantages on personal relationships between humans. [7]

because people cannot control themselves to not checking their gadget even in the morning when they wake up, the first thing that they do is checking their mobile phone (its repetitive).

it can be seen THAT nowadays, (PUT COMMA HERE) many couples

'To sum up, I personally believe that the use of electronic media causes the users ...'
since the task is agree or disagree,you should put your statement clearly, in what extent do you stand. your conclusion does not specifically describe your agreement actually, it seems that you are standing in both negative and positive side of technology.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Is it the right choice to place smokers in open areas rather than in public places? [2]

Hi Annisa, it seems like your essay do not discuss about the topic clearly. the topic is about the smoking in public area which is valued as illegal in many countries. however, what you explain in your writing is the negative effect of smoking towards human's body and its possible destruction which may occur.

please look at carefully of the topic before make you writing to make sure that the similar mistakes will not occur in the future.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Kids should focus on subjects in which they have any interest instead of being forced to study art [2]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children should focus on subject which they have interest it in instead of forced to learn artistic matter as painting and drawing in art class when they lack of the talent. I agree that encourage the adolescents improve their natural ability is better way to make them enjoy the learning process.

The capability in art is very determined by the birth-talent and children's desire, while work hard only the supporting factor to encourage the artistic ability among them. Painting and drawing talent not only need skills in rubbing the brush, emotional factor as inspiration which is naturally born by passion is the key to create a good painting. Toddlers who are forced to learn art will find it more difficult to find well idea to start their painting instead of others who have natural talent in painting.

It is important to encourage the adolescents to develop their interest based on their natural ability. They would be more enjoy when they are providing to focus expanding their aptitude in certain kind of subject, rather than exhort them to learn what they do not intend to. Recent survey of United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF) on the children's confession toward the course they take to develop their skills reveal that, the toddlers feel more fun when they learn about the creative or other practical subjects which they like.

In conclusion, making the toodlers to learn painting and drawing at school while they lack that talent is pointless instead of provide them to develop their natural aptitude.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of money spent on buying books in four European countries, measured in millions US $ [2]

the trend to purchase books in Germany, France, Italia, and Austria was upward over ten-years
all of the countries saw considerably improvement over the period. in any case, the greatest rose is witnessed by Austria.

German spent much more their money to buy the books than the other countries. Firstly, 80 million of the German'S income was spent (...) next two years to 90 m (do not use space).
Riiskacha03   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The main reason why workers tend to devote themselves in a company is the given wage. [2]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

The main reason why a worker tend to devote to themselves in a company during some periods is the given wages. I immensely agree that, this is the only people's incentive.

Most people tend to bear from working in the same office for long time, due to the given salary which reckoned can support their life and their family's needs.

This is because, majority of workers would not risk their career by trying other indefinite job which may lead to the uncertainty and fail.
When someone is accepted in a well-paid position, he will work hard to keep the position and would not be replaced by new qualified laborer and may get he promotion to get higher position which had possibility of greater wages.

When people are offered new profession which has higher salary, it would affect their decision, whether they would stay in that position or leave and take a better chance in different place. The main reason why people work is making money, so majority of job seekers would take any possibility of opportunity they may get in order to receive high wages. For instance, an experienced finance officer will consider a new company if they are suggested to take another position in different community which have better salary.

In conclusion, money is the only motivation, why majority of labourer tend to keep working in the same company for years. The company should offer the appropriate payment toward their employee which have high potential to encourage them show better performance.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: the arguments about living in apartment building [3]

They believe that the flat has a much higher sense in community than the people, who live in houses, and the (do not use 'the' in front of plural subject except you have mentioned it before) others consider that ...

I strongly(immensely) believe ...

In fact, the majority of people claim that the reason why people ... (this sentence is confusing)
In fact, majority of people claim that, the reason why citizens who live in high-rise condominium is lonely, due to they are avoid to involve others in their life

similar case with this sentence 'On the other hand, the reason why living in apartment reduces ...'
on the other hand, to say that living in apartment loses all community spirit is too superfluous, since the residents still have other way to interact one each other.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: childcare centers or grandparents in taking care of the kids [NEW]

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some parents who are engaged to their work believe that grandparents are better place to entrust their children, while others think that childcare center could provide the children to have a pre-school age instructional. While bring children to daycare will encourage them to learn pre-school subjects, I believe that it is better to give them to their own relation as their grandfather or grandmother who had raised their parent.

Childcare centers are believed as the best choice to take care of the children due to the fully-trained staff which is provided by the agencies. Most of the firms will prepare their staff with supported training to generate the professional workers to serve the best service to their clients. In America, most of the working mothers tend to register their children to daycare center or well-known as early learning center, since it will provide the licensed Nanny who will nurse the children and give them the academic basic knowledge as the preparation for the formal school.

Other busy parents prefer to leave their children to their own grandparents rather than put the children to others. This is because, the most trustful person to take care of the children are their grandmother and grandfather, so it would be safer and would build a better relationship among them. My sister who has 2 children prefer to entrust her children to my mother when she has to go to other city for working, since she want to avoid the possibility of abuse. I immensely believe that this is the better choice for those working parents who want to give a good care toward their children while they are working, since the grandparents are proven to be a good caretakers and educators.

In conclusion, although children need to be provided by the early learning in such place as children centers, their grandparents had been proven as a good nanny for their parents andit is justified to say that the children should be brought to there.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / More efforts have to be applied on how to address unhealthy behaviour in children. [5]

Hi Sir, here my suggestion to you ..
since your task is agree or disagree and you already have two side, that is parents and teacher, I think it would be better if you build well-developed paragraphs on these two actor than mention another parties which cause your explanation is not complete.

It is enough and could be clearer and efficient than if you discuss and discover both teacher and parents as your first and second body paragraph. it is good that you have so much great ideas about the given topic; however, make your paragraphs include all information needed is better than mention shortly all of your idea. You can use one idea paragraph for each body paragraph.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sending the drug users to rehabilitation will heal them - jailing such people is not a solution [2]

Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated?
Discuss both views and give your opinions.


Some would argue that people who get addicted to heroin should be jailed, while other believe that they have to be rehabilited. In my opinion, send the drug user to rehabilitation will heal them completely from their high eagerness on using it, instead of jailed them to make detterent effect.

Drug using is illegal and based on the applicable law, the users have to be jailed. This is because imprison the narcotic users would limited them from the activities taking drugs and force them to stop addicted to it. In reverse, the National Narcotics Agency of Indonesia state that narcotics user have to be rehabilitated to build self consciousness in order to stay away from the drug to avoid the possibility of the reusing it.

Rehabilitation is the better way to reduce the number of the narcotic addicts. While the rehabilitation process, they will be given treatments which heal them from the addiction and receive the guidance to make them realise the dangerous of drug which are expected to stop the addiction for long-term period. The recent data of the heroin addicts around the world shows that there are 70% of them who reusing it after getting out of prison, while by far all of the rehabilitated user avoid to use that drug again. According to this, I believe that people who get addicted with narcotics have to be rehabilitated to make them leave the using behavior by themselves, not be jailed.

In conclusion, lock up the drug addicts into the prison is not the best way to heal them, in reverse they should be given the appropriate treatment to make a long-term curing.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are many factors for the crime rate increase among underaged people [2]

The number of teens who involve in criminal case hashave risen around the world.

The most significant excuse are divorce of parents and poverty.
we only can use the most for one subject, not two.

Children from divorceD parents are susceptible to get into crime or other anti-social activities as they due to lack of affection from family and parental supervision.

Some of children from incomplete family have problem in psychological and emotion in their life. According to research from scientific American, showed that only a relatively small percentage of children experience serious problems in the wake of divorce or, later, as adults.

your second sentence is not make any sense with your first line. you say that children who come from broken home would have problem with their psychological emotions. then your evidence do not support any kind of your fact actually.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Students can receive useful skills while working - but is a paid work really beneficial for a child? [2]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some would argue that children who are occupied is forbidden while others believe this will encourage precious experience. While children do not hold the main role to work, I immensely believe that student will receive useful skill while they are working.

Work is not the duty of children since they have to focus on their education and sharpen their skills for the future. Students have to develop their basic knowledge in school which will take majority of their time, while work will force them to spend extra energy and time, also risk their learning achievement. Most school in Japan, the 4th country which have the best education system in the world, allow their students to have a paid-work out of school time, due to the case study which show that there is no significant learning achievement difference between students who take a part-time job and those who do not.

Children will achieve work skill during their experience which is not taught in school, but needed to build independence personality. Work skill will support the maturity of the students and make them more prepared to face the work-world in the future. The students who work as a waitress in a restaurant, will more capable to speak in public rather than those who do not, this skill will provide them to have a good presentation in class.

In conclusion, although the children do not have to take a job, it is important to involve them in suitable kind of work to make them carry out certain abilities. It is recommended to implicate the adolescents in agreeable profession according to their age
Riiskacha03   
Feb 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / WIND TURBINES - how can be constructed and then activated by the wind if located in a proper place [8]

The diagrams illustrate how wind turbine can be constructed which can be activated by wind and show where it can be placed in different location wind turbine construction which generate electrical power by wind and where it can be installed.

well, I think it is good to start your essay by putting the introduction first, then move to components. after that, explain how it works in the next paragraph and the possible installation area will described then. in the end of the breakdown, you can put the merit and drawback of the different planted areas.

it will make your essay have better construction and make it easier to understand.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of citizens who get ill from consuming unhealthy diet is increasing in some countries [2]

IN SOME COUNTRIES AN INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING FROM HEALTH PROBLEMS AS A RESULT OF EATING TOO MUCH FAST FOOD. IT IS THEREFORE NECESSARY FOR GOVERNMENTS TO IMPOSE A HIGHER TAX ON THIS KIND OF FOOD. IT IS THEREFORE NECESSARY FOR GOVERNMENTS TO IMPOSE A HIGHER TAX ON THIS KIND OF FOOD.

TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION?


The number of citizens who get ill from consuming unhealthy diet is increasing on some parts of the world. According to this, it is the government's duty to reduce the sale of fast food among the residents by put a higher tax on this meal. However, I believe that this is not the best way to repair people's behavior in eating.

Some parties argues that the rate of fast food buying should be decreased by the government with put extra cost on it, since it triggers many of its eaters suffer from sickness. More expensive something is, less people will buy it. for example when there is a cut off price on an item, more people will put it in their shopping list, and vice versa. This becomes critics' basic thinking.

In my opinion, even though that kind of dish is becoming more costly, the likers of it will probably find a way to keep it in their bill. This make imposing tax to rise the price is becoming ineffectively. It should be their own considering to create a limit on how much their body can receive the risk of fast food. Most of them actually, do not realise the dangerous of the menu eaten by themselves each day. that is why it is better to provide them information about how they have to arrange their meal to avoid them from consuming unhealthy diet in an unacceptable rate.

In conclusion, I disagree that extra cost on fast food should be applied in order to against the consuming behavior on this kind of dish. It is better - to make people consider the importance of the health meal and the impact of bad meal toward their body - as the alternative way to solve the issue.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The equality of gender does not obtain a great achievement in many societies [3]

Hi erin, in my opinion, your writing is not answer the task clearly. Your task is to state do you agree or disagree toward the societies which claim to disapprove the gender quality. You even do not clarify your agreement in your conclusion. This is a fatal error in your writing which ay lead to the decrement of your score.

well, another suggestion are

is not allowed to state that they achieveapprove gender equality

you use gender equality too much, try to make another phrase to redefine it, as

Therefore, it is a great achievement for gender equality the equality of men and women in the modern world.

Riiskacha03   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: SOME COUNTRIES IT IS THOUGHT ADVISABLE THAT CHILDREN BEGIN FORMAL EDUCATION AT FOUR [NEW]

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four year old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight.

How far do you agree with either of these views?


While some countries argue that it is justified for children to register to school when they are seven or eight, others believe that they have to begin their formal education at four years old. Both of age range have their own advantage to encourage children's learning process. However, I enormous believe that children have to get appropriate material which is suitable their age.

It is important to begin the learning process among children as soon as their brain able to receive slight complex information. This is because the human's brain experience the most immense improvement during young age. As an explanation, children who are taught simple calculate method in late period will be less able to do more complex counting process than others who receive such exercise in younger age. As a result, those who are late discovering certain skills are harder to learn rather than others who already know it. it proves that, it is important to let them start their learning process in a young age.

However, we have to ensure that the children have got ready to follow the instructional process in the formal school. Force them to get all the material and test at the school while they are not suitable yet, may lead to the increment of distress level and they will not able to follow the information transferring. A logic example toward this is the ordinary students in Junior high school do not have capability yet to follow the teaching-learning process in senior high school, since they have not study the prior knowledge yet. This would causes frustrating among the students. So students have to join the school in suitable age.

In addition, I think that children have to already learn about basic knowledge, which is able to be processed by their way of thinking, in order to encourage their brain growth. This prior learning will prepared them to face the higher material in next level of education. So, receive such a pra-school material in young age is essential to support student's learning process in some years ahead.

In conclusion, children begin their formal school in the older age around seven or eight-year-old to ensure that their brain is mature enough to receive complex information. However, I believe that, start their learning process in younger age will support their learning process in next period of their school. So it is a good point to have a prior learning for them.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of people in the world explodes frequently; one of the biggest cases for human's life now [2]

this phenomenon is has been indicated as the biggest cases for human's life now recently.

To begin, bighuge proportion of citizens without having any skills is able to with less particularly skills encourage the unemployment enlarge unemployment.

This can create social problem too far, such as an increase in the number of crime rate and poverty.
this may increase the number of poverty which may lead to the crime rate increment.

In addition extreme case, many kinds of conflict will may appear in order to ...
Riiskacha03   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: THE CLOTHES PEOPLE WEAR ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INDICATION OF WHAT THEY ARE LIKE [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Majority of public would mark others by what they are wearing, while some people argue that clothes is not general standard of judgement. However, I immensely agree that apparent attitudes describe someone's personality, not how they dress.

In some cases, it is justified for judging a person from his appearance. Many people did this and it is acceptable only in certain extent. A man who accustomed to wear a neat shirt wherever he goes, tend to be valued very concerned about performing, while those who wear T-Shirt tagged as 'easygoing'. Further more, gown gives a performance in feminine style instead women who present jeans. These reasons, allowing them to appear an assessment toward others based on how they dressed.

However, stated somebody as a good or people are improperly if it based on their clothes. There are no significant studies that proved this rationalisation and it is a human's subjectivity. Kindly men do not have to set up the coat and tie in their body, while bad guy are not always shabbily dressed. Both developed and developing countries have a neat criminals in their government, who corrupt the state fund for themselves.

Accretion toward this, I believe that the most properly way to define someone's characteristics is through their daily temperament among his surroundings, not by their fashion style. Clothes choosing may caused by taste or interest, not fully attitude. That is why, people are not allowed to prejudice someone by their look.

In conclusion, people tend to wear clothes which make them feel comfortable. However, other should not prejudge them through their appearance, since there are other factor influenced other decision toward style.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - APARTMENT VS HOUSE; people can decide what they would like to choose [3]

Hi putri, you have a pretty good writing style, actually. However, I am a little bit confused by what I say as 'contradiction'. First you write 'others prefer to stay in a high-rise apartment block because they like the sense of community in there', then you explain it as 'The occupants also have more privacy by living in the apartment because the residents in that area are individual'. So where is the 'sense of community' there actually?

other is, in my opinion, your conclusion is not covering your explanation in body paragraph. 'based on the data from a magazine article, the residents who live in modern flats in Jakarta, capital city of Indonesia mostly are businessmen and rarely to stay in their apartment for a long time' , this is not the reason to 'choose an apartment if they are busy and staying in a city where they do not have any friends or relatives nearby' , this does not make any sense. Or you should give more explanation regarding to that in your body paragraph.

On the other handIn contrast , citizens in housing area are not individual like in the apartment zone.
Riiskacha03   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The sum of airplane's passengers in John F Kennedy, LaGuardia and Newark Airport from 1995 to 2000 [2]

The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York city between 1995 and 2000.

The bar graph describe the sum of airplane's passenger in John F Kennedy, LaGuardia and Newark Airport from 1995 to 2000, measured in millions. Overall, it is noticeable that LaGuardia attract the most visitors during the interval time, except in 1997 when John F. Kennedy saw a higher increase than LaGuardia.

The number of travellers who visited John F. Kennedy Airport stood at around 27 millions in 1995, then witnessed fluctuation over the year until reached about 45 millions in the end of timespan. In contrast, there was a sharp rose experienced by LaGuardia Airport along time frame, from approximately 35 millions in first year to virtually 70 millions in 2000, much higher than other two airplanes. Following that, Newark Airport visitors number had increase in first 4-year period between more or less 17 millions and over 40 millions. Afterwards, it evened out at over 40 millions for the following year.




Riiskacha03   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS2: INTERNET - EXCELLENT MEANS OF COMMUNICATION but not be the best place to find information. [2]

It is generally believed that the internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not be the best place to find information.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Most people are standing on their own think that say internet is a good way to communication while others believe that it is not the best place to discover certain kinds of information. Internet can be used to have a far distance contact, which is very helpful in social life. However, internet had become unsafe place to seek information provided by a lot of not reliable website.

These days and ages, there are so many people who use web connection to keep in touch with others. Its user have growth each day due to the high-technology feature as chatting, calling, even video calling. This causes people depend on it to get through somebody else. As a result toward this, majority of public state it as the best alternative way of communicate instead of mailing or texting.

On the other hand, internet does not only support the communication developing, but also provide the discovering of information. Many people read different articles in several website, both trusted and not trusted URL. There are a lot of links which serve people with issues and news and majority of them are based on someone's opinion. It is not always based on the actual condition. To sum up, the online readers should be wise to accept what they have read, especially if it is not from the website which is capable to share certain kind of information.

In my opinion, public should use features of internet wisely both in communication and information. Internet cannot replace our existence beside your beloved person and there are a lot of other trusted sources of information, such as books and journals, so they have to be careful to choose the source.

In conclusion, it is justified to say that internet has a benefit toward our way to contact someone, while on the other side, we have to put more attention in choose wisely our source when we have to discover certain kind of information in them, since there are a lot of untrustworthy source include there.
Riiskacha03   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD TAKE A JOB BETWEEN SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITY [4]

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.
discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.


Some people say that school leavers should find a work before they go in a university. This will bring benefit toward the graduated students, especially in their personal growth and skill qualification. However, work after leaving the school can affect them in some negative ways.

To be part and parcel, work experience is one of the important requirement that young people must to have. Having a job after graduate from school will help them their mature and teaches them to live by their own. Taking japan as an example, where most of students there enroll for a job while they still in senior high school and continue until they leave the school and get in a university. As a result, japan has a good quality of human resources. In addition, most companies believe that work experience is important skill that someone needs as his qualification when taking a job. In fact, someone will have a better opportunity to be accepted in a corporate if they have the related work experience toward the offered position.

However, young people who take a job for a few years before go to university will face some problems. First, too long being in a profession will reduce their desire to continue their desire to continue their study to higher degree. This cannot be called as positive, since young people still need to improve their knowledge which will support them to have another better job for them. Next, for them who take a degree in university after years leave the school for work, have a bigger possibility to face some problems when they back for learn. They tend to forget the basic knowledge which had been taught in school, so they will find it more difficult to learn.

In conclusion, it is justified to say that take a job for a few years between school and university will create some lacks, as it would decrease young people's spirit to continue their study and make it harder for them to back for learn after leave the school for years. On the other side, work skill is needed as an important qualification to enroll for a profession in a company and teach them to live by their own.
Riiskacha03   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Electronic media, through their services, can create a great relation between people [2]

advanced technology takes a significant part in human's life, since it encourages people
harmful for their reciprocal lives, since it leads users
improved the standard of people'S lifestyle, such as creating a large chance

... like chatting and sharing their great pictures., it causes the addiction of using these devices

individual person since they just care with their selvesthemselves .

has benefits in relationship betweenamong people.

It is very contrast with citizens in the past, they who sent a letter and waited forit took long time to communicate with othersfor the reply.

can find people who haveshare same interests with them

such as being alone and an anti-social person,
Riiskacha03   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Prejudice of Personality by Experience : Can We? [3]

Fashion has become interestingly significant in today's lifestyle recent trend.

While some people are of thegive an opinion that the clothes which are worn by inhabitants represent their true colors.

from the environment condition to become more specific, like reveal residents' identities

who dress neatly, tenD to be tagged
Riiskacha03   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people prefer to open their own job field rather than enroll to a corporation or organisation [2]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation.
Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?


Many people prefer to open their own job field rather than enroll to a corporation or organisation. Although this may brings a merit, as we need longer time to earn money and has a bigger possibility to experience bankruptcy, start a business has some benefits for indovodual and other. For instance, that will teaches a person to be an independent man, create a new job field for unemployment people and improve the financial condition of his country.

Build a new company will not be easy. There are many things need to be prepared, such as the briliant business idea and well-developed business plen. Even though so, a business need very long time to grow. It needs a bog effort to build connection with other company or even to hire people who different problem which may be faced, that is why it has a bigger possibility of loss of profit.

On the other hand, new corporation needs to hire others who will be the partners to build the business. It means, there will be a job field opened and brings a new hope for people who have not get a job yet. This also will let a person learns how to be independent or leader, and teaches us to criticize in facing different problem. A developed country have have lots of private business, which means that the residents tend to start a new business can be an alternative way to improve the economical rate of a country.

In conclusion, start own business brings many advantages toward an individual, public and the government, since it would improve the personality and problem-solving skill of someone, brings new hope to others who cannot find a job for his self and reduce the financial issues in a country. However, start new company is not easy and they have to experience bankruptcy
Riiskacha03   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 having a job prior entering to university has many benefits [5]

This valuable experience makes them more mature in facing ...

well, I think it is important to clearly mention what kind ofvaluable experiencesyou mean in this sentences .

to sum up, being a worker after graduatinggraduate from high school ...
Riiskacha03   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The advantages and disadvantages of taking a job between school and university [6]

Working for a while provides a large opportunity for young people

you cannot use for a while here, since it means a short time period, while your question talking a bout several years period.

Another drawback is there is athe limitation of productive time based on the capacity of their brains.

as in the university they will be taught complex subjectsmaterial
Riiskacha03   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: SOME ORGANISATIONS BELIEVE THAT THEIR EMPLOYEES SHOULD DRESS SMARTLY [2]

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Many companies argue that work performance is more important than appearance. On the other side others believe that their worker have to dress appropriate to their professions. In my opinion, uniform could determine someone's identity and affect other's judgment. However, quality of work is one that has to be acquired by worker too.

First of all a uniform presents itself as a dress code. Many people's first judging toward somebody else based on how they are looking. It determine if you put attention to yourself or not and make people analyse will you able to be professional in your job. The Human Resource Development section in a company would put their first assessment toward the worker candidates through their appearance; this is what we call as 'standard procedure'. As the result, many companies think that dress is important in world of work.

On the other side of this argument, other companies believe that appearance is not the most important point in working. That is the capability in responsibility on their duty as employee, which should be prioritised instead of used suit, since someone's ability does not depend on their clothes. Take an architecture as an example, the design which is produced would not change if he use another clothes. To sum up, clothes would not give significant effect on someone's quality of work.

However, in my opinion, I believe that both quality and appearance is important in professional world. We have to accomplish the skill needed in our work in order to do our duty in the office very well which will support our career. In addition, good appearance will build good impression toward our self, so other people will find it more comfortable to have a collaboration work with us.

In conclusion, while other debate about the importance of dressing and the quality of work, I do believe that, a professional worker has to being clothed properly to improve their prestige in other's eyes and should possess the required skill.
Riiskacha03   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The air circulation system in the 2-floor house [3]

through every slot in the basement and first floor,

simply use main floor, since we do not have any second floor there.

which causes the big amount of heat loss.

I prefer to use 'huge' than big, since big is less academic.

the lamps in the kitchen and attic generate rested light.

what is that 'rested' means?
Riiskacha03   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The given diagram illustrates the ins and outs of air circulation in a house - prodigality of energy [4]

The given diagram illustrates theins and outs of air circulation in a house

it is better to put out the ins and outs, since air circulation means movements of the air.

and causing the extravagance of energy because of heat losses

it is not appropriate to use extravagance in this type of topic, since extravagance is regarded to money, not energy.

the hot airs are also replaced by the new atmosphere thanks to the household appliances like kitchen fan and dryer vent

Riiskacha03   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The air circulation in an accommodation, which affect room temperature and energy spent [4]

The diagram explain about the air circulation in an accommodation, which affect room temperature and energy spent. Overall, most of the air leak in the main floor of the building, while in the attic, most of it get out from the house. In addition, lights cause the air leave the house.

Based on the diagram, the air leak into rooms through the space inside the house. In the basement, the air go in through the crawl space, behind the outdoor faucet and by dryer vent and windows in the electrical outlet room. In the main floor, there are loots of air leak in through the door and windows, while in the kitchen and bathroom the air come in by the fan vent in the wall

Based on the diagram, in the attic, there are many amount of the air which leave the room. The recessed light also cause the air out from the house. In addition, the come in air will out from the main floor, through the attic to the outside and affect the room temperature in the house.




Riiskacha03   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / GRE - two different views from the extintion of blompus [2]

the extintion of blompus, an large, (do not use comma here) carnivorous land mammal.
because first humans was not advanced enouth enough to ...

First, the first humans might be so primitive in that time and they could not hunt an animal bigger than they were.
In that time, the first humans might be primitive, so they did not hunt the animal which had bigger size than them.

In addition, the passage suggests explains that humans were not smart yet, because they were the first ones,so herebeguiningand this is the beginning of the evolution process.

hi, Albertino, here is my overall suggestion for you
your passage still contains so many misspelled, so it is important to check the spelling before publish it. the other is, there are some sentences which is not clear. it seems like there will be other words in that sentences, but not.

consider the grammar too :)
thank you
Riiskacha03   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The bar charts present the rating of happiness level of residents aged 18 to over 65 [2]

The bar charts present the data of the proportion of happiness level of residents aged 18 to over 65 and the families who have children or not in United States. Overall, it is justified to say that, the married people is found happier than the unmarried, while couples experience similar rating from them who have children or not.

In the first chart, people in the 18-29 age group already in a marriage, experience the highest percentage at 45% rather than those who between 50 and 65 of age by only 40 percent. On the other side, they who in the 30-49 and 65 and over age group witness the equal rating 44%. However, the unmarried citizens find less pleased with their life, with greatest level is only 34 percent which is witnessed by they who at the age of 65 and over, while the youngsters are in the lower level at around 21% - 22%.

Focus on the married couples, the second bar chart describes that, they who all of the children have aged over 18 years are 2% lower, compare with those who do not have children at 41% and 43% respectively. On the other hand, there are 44% of the couples who experience blissfulness by having children at the age under 18 years old.





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