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Posts by nuni11
Name: Sri Yunita
Joined: Jan 5, 2016
Last Post: Feb 21, 2016
Threads: 33
Posts: 30  
Likes: 5
From: Indonesia
School: State University of Makassar

Displayed posts: 63 / page 1 of 2
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nuni11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Color is generally regarded as the predominant factor that attracts people to buy some products [2]

Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufactures and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour. How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?

Color is generally regarded by most companies as the predominant factor that attracts people buy some products. While some people are of the opinion that the color has a significant effect in the trend of buying, I would argue that there are other factors that affect costumers such as products price and quality.

It is argued that the color of products is one of significant issue in manufacturing in which it attracts customers to purchase particular brand. Majority of producers attempt to use outstanding color to encourage people to spend their money. In research from Winnipeg University of Canada called Impact of Color in Marketing found that up to 90% of swift judgment about products is based on color alone. In reverse, I believe that as a way to attract people interest, shops need to take into consideration about the price ant the quality of products.

The opposite argument is that is that there are other factors that influence consumers' decision on buying such as price and quality since personal preference affects purchase decision. For example, a recent study by Kumasi Polytechnic in Ghana focused on mobile phone sale showed that buyers consider both price and quality when purchasing phone and they tend to feel reluctant to buy low quality phone with high cost.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although color such as bright or pale can be substantial criteria when purchasing stuffs, cost and attribute predispose individuals' selection. Where possible, manufactures or retail shops should take a closer analysis and consider every factor such as color, price, and quality of goods.
nuni11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Network openings time, range of services and passengers number in some underground railway systems [2]

...including when network is opened, length of services, and passenger number.includes the opening time, the track, and the number of passenger (...) underground networks such as in London, (...) than others such in Washington DC, Kyoto and Los Angeles

...The second largest networks, in Paris (I suggest not to use this since it has similar structure with the first sentence ), Although it was still the popular choice for commuters, Paris is only roughly a half the size of London underground

...with 126 kilometers . That network served 144 million
nuni11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / ILETS TASK 2: should both economic and industrial centre be relocated in the suburb? [2]

...industries and business centres should be placed in the suburban areas .

...because the number of vehicles operating around the city gets decreased and switches to the rural areas .

...relocate the industrial and economic centres in the suburbs will destroy natural environment in the outskirt area (...) and the air became not fresh (I suggest to use polluted here to express the effect of the industry to the area )
nuni11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Moving Industries and Businesses from Big Cities to some Rural Areas [2]

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

There are some factories in the town centers which are expected by the government to move in the suburbs. While this can be true to some extent, I would argue that such a way is just offer a quick and easy solution in which it does not cover the long-term effect in the big cities and also residents in the outskirts.

Industrial areas in metropolis can lead to traffic congestion and are often moved by the governments to the outskirts. This is mainly because there are a large number of workers who travel to the place and increase the number of public and private transportation there. For example, I live in the town center in which textile manufacturing leads to congestion especially in early morning and late afternoon and the effect of relocating the industry. However, this is not the right idea since a couple decades later the empty area can be used by the government to build new skyscraper in which results in the same problem in the future.

The need to relocate the factories to reduce factories' emission and its effect to the public is the major drawback of this notion. The fumes of manufactory contain harmful chemical released to the air and influence the physical health of anyone inhale the polluted air. A recent study of Queen University proved that those live near the industrial area within 10 kilometers have higher risk of getting cancer in particular the children. While the effect of factories can be minimized in the city, people in the regional area suffer from the exposure of polluted air.

In conclusion, although moving industries in regional areas might solve some problems in town, it will bring other effects to both rural and the city in the future. It is recommended that the governments take this into consideration to enact sufficient measurement.
nuni11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / A separate room for nicotine users may limit the bad effect of the cigarette smoke on non-smokers [3]

...if they wishwant (just an optional so that you do not use the same word from the question ) to smoke.

Some countries have decided smoking is forbidden in public area.
This has the same construct with the first sentence in your introduction. Here is my suggestion:
It is now regarded offense when people smoke in pubic places in many nations.

...the consciousness of smoking effects (...) tobacco products activities throughout the Kingdom of Bhutan

...which are allow the cigarette using
nuni11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cigarette smoking brings dire effect not only to the smokers but also to all people around them [3]

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

It is now illegal to smoke in public areas in many nations since it brings dire effect not only to the smokers but also all people around them. While this is true to some extent, I would also argue that this measurement can reduce the negative effect of smoke to the building and in the health of passive smokers.

Smoke has become a major issue in some countries in which it is generally assumed that smokers should go out of the building if they want to smoke. Since public places public places are not deserve to be polluted with the smoke of cigarette. The New York Times reported in May 2015 that lighting cigarette produce harmful chemicals such as nicotine, carbon dioxide, and methanol in which damage the timber part of the building.

Apart from the previous discussion, another crucial effect of smoking in public areas is on health of others around the smokers. This is mainly because humans have a high chance to become passive smokers by inhaling the air polluted by smoke which results in serious health problem. For example, a recent study by Queen's University found that people who do not smoke who suffer from long-term exposure and second-hand smokers have a 20 to 30% higher risk of developing lung cancer.

The aforementioned evidence shows that such a law to prohibit individuals smoke in public places should be made to minimize the harmful effect to the surrounding. Where possible, giving a consequence to people who offend the law should be taken into consideration.
nuni11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Entrust Children to Childcare Centers or Other Family Members? [2]

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Children are a priceless asset. As such, some people are of the opinion that children should be sent to daycare centers to get sufficient surveillance, while others say that it is better to be guarded by family members such as grandparents. Although the ideas are acceptable to some extent, I would argue that it is better to entrust with the members of family to take care of the younger one.

It is generally assumed that daycare centers accommodate the best facilities in particular fully-trained staffs in which suitable with children's growth. This is because majority of childcare centers insist fully qualify staffs that is get involved in training center provided by particular organizations. In my local city, people who want to apply in childcare center should at least have a certificate in child development. However, I believe that this is not the best option since according to a recent poll by Indonesia Government found that 68% of children abuse cases within the establishments.

Apart from the previous discussion, parents in full-time employment entrust their children to grandparents when they go to work, since parents think that leaving the adolescents within the family is more trustworthy. The New York Times reported in July 2015 that almost 65% of working parents prefer to leave their younger one in their family member. Therefore, although grandparents are not highly-trained professional in nurturing children, their ability has proven to be a good parent.

In conclusion, while entering the childcare centers can give a great opportunity for children to get a certified staffs, closest families such as grandfather and grandmother are proven to be reliable. It is recommended that parents who send their children to childcare centers to pay more attention to the possibility of abuse.
nuni11   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Kids should focus on subjects in which they have any interest instead of being forced to study art [2]

...they have interest it in it instead of forcedthem to learn artistic matter such as painting and drawing(...)when they lack of the talent(...) encourageencouraging the adolescents to improve their natural ability is a better way

...emotional factorsaslike inspiration

...more enjoy when they are providing to focus on expanding

...the children's confession towards the course (...) reveals that,
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / What Motivate People to Stay Longer in Particular Company? [2]

Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

In this modern era, it is true that salary is one of consideration when people seek for a job. However, this is not a case when individuals are already at work since there are some factors that influence worker's decision to stay longer at particular obligation. Therefore, I believe that other reasons such as partnership and interest affect personal preference.

Needless to say, solid teamwork of work field contributes a huge influence of employees to keep loyal in particular job rather than the earning. This is mainly because people who feel the sense of belonging at work will develop the performance of loyalty. A recent study by Manchester University showed that almost 78% of workers with tight partnership in the work environment do not have any intention moving out to another companies even though the salary of other enterprise is higher.

Apart from the previous discussion, another reason why people stay in the same company for years is to follow their passion, regardless of how much the wage. It is due to the reason that when people chase their dream, they are no longer regarding work as a force but as an experience that much more enjoyable. For example, the New York Times reported in June 2015 that the predominant reason why people tend to stay in their occupation is because of their career is significant with their passion.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although money can be regarded as a criteria to choose a profession, tight relationship between the colleagues and fondness to particular area influence employees decision to remain for years in a company. It is suggested that more companies to take this logic into consideration and encourage more workers to stay loyal.
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Should Children with Less Artistic Talent Concentrate More On Practical Subjects? [2]

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some would argue that children with a slight artistic skill are not necessary to join art classes, while others would say that it is better to concentrate on other practical subjects according to their ability. However, I believe that focusing on particular subject can expand more of children's cognition in that area and also affect to the improvement of their grades.

Joining Art classes in formal education is generally assumed to be not essential in learning process of children who lack artistic skill. This is mainly because it is more important to sharpen their ability in particular subject rather than wasting time by learning a wide range of lesson. For example, the New York Times reported in March 2015 that by choosing to expand current skills, it allows individuals to immerse themselves so they can learn further knowledge.

Another effect of concentrating in other practical subjects is that will result in excellent grade of their study, since students are not put under pressure to learn in the class and they tend to feel more relax by learning the subjects that they love. A recent study from Melbourne University showed that students in primary and secondary school in Perth are easily mastered mathematics subject after they reject the art class.

The aforementioned evidence shows that it is better for students to study intensively in the area such as practical subjects to gain more proficiency and improve their school grade. It is recommended that more educators to follow this logic and bring in more beneficial initiatives.
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Put addicts to jail or rehabilitate? What have to be done to prevent them from using drugs? [3]

...threat in human being's lives(...)while the others believe that(...)in order to be escape from their addiction(...)Although getting the illegal drug users into the jail(...)recovering them from their addiction

...can possibly bring deterrent effects for the trespasseroffenders

...in my opinion, most of the drug addictedaddicts

...can possibly make them feeling guilty of them ,
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : which one is better between childcare services or grandparenting programme for children? [4]

Hi Annisa, I find your essay interesting since your idea is delivered clearly. However, I find a few mistakes and make a suggestion for you.

...took care of them in manyfor years(...)to look after their childrenthe younger one (suggestion to minimize repetition ) (...) effectively about on which food

...its fully trained staffs (...) to be the best carers
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is generally believed that narcotic addicts should be locked up to drift away the crime rate. [3]

Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated? Discuss both views and give your opinions.

It is generally believed that narcotic addicts should be locked up to drift away the crime rate. However, this is not the most appropriate way to tackle the issue. Therefore, I believe that it is better to give sufficient treatment for them.

Some people are of the opinion that drug users are criminals and deserve to be prisoner by the idea that they are in possession of drugs, which by law in some countries are declared illegal. Logically, anybody who uses or is in possession of narcotics is treated as a law offender. However, drugs addicts considered as a social illness in which in my country, Law No. 35/2009 on narcotics and other addictive drugs provides treatment and rehabilitation for drug addicts, but not for drug dialer. Therefore, I believe that locking up the drug users is not the best way to solve such problem since it does not heal mentality damage.

Needless to say, attitudes toward drug users have changed in which people assumed drug abuse is a serious problem that should be handled. Since addiction is a public health issue that need medical help and does not deserve punishment. To exemplify, if drug users are imprisoned and do not receive any treatment, their habit will not change even though they are release from the jail. A recent poll by Pew Research Center reported that sixty-seven percent of those surveyed believe the American's administration should emphasize treatment for people who use illegal drugs rather than punishment. I believe this method is more convenient because addiction is a disease, and it benefits both individual and society as a whole

The aforementioned evidence reveals although many people believe the most feasible method to cope drug addicts by throwing them in jail, I would argue that it is not the effective way since they deserve a treatment to heal them.
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2: What is the Best Method to Hire Employees? [3]

I am sorry, I put the wrong first body paragraph to this essay. Please look at the right paragraph:

As a method of recruitment, interview is not an appropriate way to assess people when they apply in a particular company, since interviewers is just showed the communication skills of candidates in spite of the fact that individuals have diverse abilities in which can e beneficial for the company. The proof of this can be seen psychologically, people can face difficulties to explain their ability to the inquirers though they can operate particular machine smoothly. It is thus clear that another test to evaluate applicants ability as a whole is needed.
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : SHOULD PARENTS RELY THEIR CHILDREN ON CHILDCARE OR RELATIVES? [2]

tend to look aftersend their children to childcare centres since this such places provide the optimum services(...)In spite (usually, we use in spite of and put such as 'noun', 'verb-ing', or 'the fact that' ), the day care(...)other family members (...)maintain the emotional relationship

...However, on another side (just use one of this ), the children lack of the emotional relationship

...look after a child th rough...

...the child is less attention...
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2: What is the Best Method to Hire Employees? [3]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

Interview is generally used by many companies to recruit employees. However, I believe that this is not the best way to hire people since it does not cover all the capability of applicants in which the assessment should be made to measure a whole ability of people such as aptitude test.

Conducting interview is not a very effective recruitment method because the interview does not give the interviewee a chance to show how good they really are. The skills tested in interview, such as the ability to communicate in a friendly manner and being able to answer the question without any assistance are the opposite of those required by many jobs. For example, a skilled computer programmer or lab technician may be socially awkward and used to consulting the internet before answering a question and they would never be able to show how technically proficient they are.

Needles to say, the best way to screen potential ability and analyze the bad or good point of applicants is by aptitude test. When it comes to hiring, aptitude test allow company to make a more informed decision by comparing the result of candidates in term of choosing the right person. For example, statistics reveal that 70% of world's recruitment companies use aptitude test as a part of their recruitment procedure in which permit the potential companies to determine how individuals complete particular job and how they fit well within the work environment.

In conclusion, interview does not cover all skills of people since it just shows communication ability instead of work's capability and the best method would be aptitude test. It is recommended to the companies combine both method to get a better result.
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Common for a great number of children in lots of nations to involve in different kind of occupations [2]

...the others think that(...)to work gives merits such as(...)they necessarily need to pay more attention to their education

...JobWork experience is extremely advantageous as a consideration when children enrol in a more well-paid job .

...the majority of people(...)by the team psychologist team at(...)a difficulty in their personal and social relationship
nuni11   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2: Do Working in Particular Work Beneficial for Children? [2]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days and ages, children involved in any kind of paid work are prohibited in some countries, while others would argue that it is beneficial for them. Although working in particular job can influence teenagers' result of study, I believe it is better to give them opportunity to build their social understanding.

It is generally assumed that adolescents who devote themselves in some particular occupations are wrong since they should focus on their studies. This is mainly because psychologically, the best time to learn for people is adolescence. In fact, a recent study by Institute for Social and Economic Research found that students' part-time jobs can influence their educational results in which it can develop their personal characteristics, including responsibility, work organization and time management, which could in return enhance school achievements.

The importance of working for people under the age of 18 can strengthen children's social skills. Since working as a part of a team will help them establish communication skills and improve confidence. For example, an observation by Aistear, the early childhood curriculum framework, showed that children learn by being with others to build relationship and to create an environment in which children feel secure and confident enough to take risks, explore, and take part in challenging experiences. I believe this is the best scenario for children to develop their personality.

In conclusion, although being an employee has an impact in the grade, this is not the crucial issue since children can gain priceless experience while they work. Where possible, children should apply their social abilities gained from work to develop their learning.
nuni11   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1: International Trade of Southland in Three Areas between 2000, 2016, and 2025 as the projecte [3]

A breakdown of export sales of Southland in three different areas measured in £ billion between 2000, 2016, and 2025 as projected year, is illustrated in the bar chart. It is immediately apparent that the trend of three productions is different. In any case, dairy products have the greatest sales despite of fluctuation although international tourism is expected to break the record.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, the upward and downward trend can be seen on international tourism and meat products respectively. Meanwhile dairy products showed fluctuation sales. In 2000, the products of farm stood at just below £7 billion before it jumped and set a sales record in the following sixteen year. However, the abroad trades of farm products were forecasted to fall slightly in 2025. On the other hand, tourism was the greatest export in 2000 and the sales climbed considerably and were projected to reach a high of approximately £10 billion in 2025.

Turning to meat products, it was the least popular choice in the time frame. Initially, the highest international purchase of meat was at £ 6 billion and these sales decreased significantly in 2016 and will hit a low of £5 billion in 2025. A closer look to the chart reveals that the selling record was dairy products in 2016 before global tourism is projected to come to a head of the popular consuming in 2025.




nuni11   
Feb 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2: Starting Own Business, Do The Merits Outweigh The Drawbacks? [2]

SOME PEOPLE DECIDE TO START THEIR OWN BUSINESS INSTEAD OF WORKING FOR A COMPANY OR ORGANISATION. DO THE ADVANTAGES FOR PEOPLE WORKING FOR THEIR OWN BUSINESS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

Generally, people work to fulfill their nerds and pursuit their dream. As per some individuals, it is better for humans to build their own company rather than applying in particular company. While I believe that this notion has merits and drawbacks. I personally argue that this has more positive than negative effects.

The negative side of starting a business is that the work competition is very tight in the modern are so that a new company can face bankruptcy if it does not has any innovative idea to compete with others organization. As a result, the employers can fall into debt. In addition, there is no such guarantee about pension cost in such condition. While in some companies offer severance payment, this condition does not apply if people start their company.

However, the advantages of starting a new company are that a person can give orders to their workers and create standards of their employees. Despite the fact that having a high position in a party ensure well payment, that person still an employee who can be issued any time. By establishing a business, the individuals can manage the working time in their workplace so they tend to have more leisure time as time goes by. Furthermore, they can follow their own passion and creating vocation for wider range of citizens. It is thus clear that laying a company brings immense benefits not only to the persons themselves but also other people.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that even though starting an organization needs hard work to be successful, this option benefits greatly for many more people. Therefore, I strongly believe that beginning a business is a better choice. Where possible, people should bring more innovative ideas before starting particular party.
nuni11   
Feb 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: how greenhouse gases are able to catch the sun's energy [5]

A suggestion for you, since writing task 1 is based on the given chart or diagram, try to make at least 3 paragraph with sufficient grouping. The first one is the overview and the others are that based on your grouping. An example for your grouping, the former is the global warming process, and the later is the most significant causes of greenhouse by humans' activities.

Hope this help.
nuni11   
Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The frozen pies are stored on the container to hold the heat - Fish Pie manufacturing process [2]

The two diagrams illustrate the production of fish pies before it is sent to stores. According to the figure, there are two major process in the pies making process.

The frozen pies are stored on the container that can hold the heat from the microwave. The ingredients consist of peas, sauce, and also potato and fish as the main recipe.

To begin, the manufacturing process consist of two predominant mechanism in which trucks delivery bring potatoes from the farm and also fresh salmon. Firstly, the potatoes are cleaned and continuing to go through peeling machine in which the peel are thrown. At the same time, the salmons are spent more or less half a day to loss the fishy smell using lemon juice and salt. As the fish are cooked on steam oven, the potato slices are boiled and go to the store machine.

Turning to the wrapping system, there will be a group of workers to remove salmons' skin and bones before the inspection process. Then, the fish will be put on the container in which it travels along to mix with prepared peas, sauce, and potatoes. Afterwards, the mixtures are wrapped and pass the frozen system. Finally, the frozen fish pies are ready to distribute.

The diagram below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.




nuni11   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / WORLD'S PROBLEM: OVERPOPULATION growth seems that it cannot be stopped [2]

I think your introduction is not really clear. I mean, since the examiner will read this first, try to make it more clear to illustrate your overall writing. For example:

In this era, humans are the valuable assets in every country. However, the immense amount of world's population growth seems that it cannot be stopped. Therefore, I believe that it is the most essential issue for humanity.

There are several reasons why this phenomenon occurs. First, the number of people ... An enormous changeS of (...)have more opportunities to do somethingsuch action
nuni11   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2: The Technology of Tracking and Security System; Do the merit outweigh drawback? [2]

NOWADAYS TECHNOLOGY IS INCREASINGLE BEING USED TO MONITOR PEOPLE ARE SAYING AND DOING (FOR EXAMPLE, THROUGH CELLPHONE TRACKING AND SECURITY CAMERAS). IN MANY CASES, THE PEOPLE BEING MONITORED ARE UNAWARE THAT THIS IS HAPPENING.

DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS DEVELOPMENT OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?


Technology is one of pivotal tools at the present. Despite of the fact that the sophisticated technology such as tracking and security system which is used to monitor residents is break their privacy and the data is not secure, I believe that the merit of the system such as tracking cellphone and surveillance camera outweigh the drawback.

Some people are of the opinion that humans' private live has been disturbed by technology installation. In the modern era, more and more surveillance cameras are being installed in public places which is result in the uncomfortable atmosphere in those areas. In addition, the tracking system and the security cameras are usually connected to the internet in which everyone can hack the computer and access the data easily. Consequently, the criminal can take advantages of this situation and open the individuals' private information.

However, I believe that the function of the technology is far beyond what generally assumed. The tracking and video system are developed to ensure the safety of the society. Taking South Korea as an example, there are numerous cameras installed in the road which are connected to the computer center which is operate to inform authorities fellow residents about criminal suspected. As a result, the reaction of particular incident is faster than it usually takes. It is also generally known that the tracking system helps the police to catch the terrorist or deceivers. In 2011, Indonesian's policemen arrested a group of message deception in which occurs for a long time by tracing the messages sent to the victims. It is thus clear that the technology has helped people to improve security.

To sum up, although a great number of people are unaware of the monitoring system, I utterly believe that this system's benefit outweigh the disadvantages. The best solution will be to improve the system of being hacked.
nuni11   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1: Annual Energy Usage of The USA from 1980 to 2030 [3]

A breakdown of annual energy usage in the USA measured in Quadrillon units from 1980 to 2030, as the projected year, a half-century period is presented in the line chart. Overall, it can be seen that there is an upward trend in the amount of energy utilization of petrol and oil. In any case, natural gas and coal energy show similar pattern.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, in 1980, petrol and oil stood at 35 Quadrillon while coal energy was 5 Quadrillon less than natural gas at 15 and 20 respectively. In the next following years, there was a fluctuate in the amount of petrol and oil consumptionand was expected to still become a popular choice in 2030 which reached approximately 48 Quadrillon. Similarly, coal and natural gas experienced up and down of proportion although the coal was forecasted to exceed the natural gas energy by 5 Quadrillon.

Turning to the other three resources, nuclear, hydropower, and solar/wind started at the same point about 4 Quadrillon. Afterwards, there was a gradual rise of fuel consumption and was projected to stay virtually the same in the last 20 year. A closer look at the chart reveals that there is an ascending trend for petrol and oil, natural gas and coal energy, while nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower show a steady trend.




nuni11   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - What people wear is the indicator of person personality or not [2]

I am more likely to argue the character ofthat a person'scharacter is determined...

Those who saidsay that people's dress(...)Taking athe corrupt government official for example(...)It is thus clear that what people dress

... appearance leads to a lowered opinion

...judging someone's personality is extremely hard
nuni11   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1: Annual Total Passengers in Three Major Airports [2]

A breakdown of the number of annual passenger of three major airports, John F. Kennedy, LaGuardia, and Newark, measured in millions from 1995 to 2000, a 5-year period, is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it is noticeable that LaGuardia airport is transcended other airports in the number of travelers despite a minor fluctuate of John F. Kennedy airport.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, initially, LaGuardia accounted for approximately 35 millions tourists and this number climbed perceptibly in the next four year at exactly 50 millions and reached a high of about 68 million passengers in 2000. Meanwhile for John F. Kennedy airport, the customers increased significantly and it jumped up in 1997 at more or less 50 millions, undertook the popularity of LaGuardia. Then, the following years witnessed slight fluctuation of John F. Kennedy airport.

Turning to Newark airport, in 1995, there were just around 15 millions people used Newark, far less than the other two airports. Interestingly, in the next couple years, the visitors swelled up to about 40 millions visitors and stayed virtually the same for the last years in the time frame.




nuni11   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of hybrid cars sale in Japan stood at 50.000 in 2006 then increased sharply to 340.000 [4]

Hi, dcho. Let me give you some suggestions,

The bar chart illustrates ...
Overall, it can be seen that the ...

Consider to paraphrase the question to put in your introduction. For example: The bar chart illustrates the international fuel and electricity machine markets in three different areas from 2006 to 2009.

As for your overview, you can put the total sales which were doubled in the time frame. Also, the highest sales was the UK before it predominantly undertook by Japan.

As for your body paragraph, you can divide it into two different paragraphs according to your grouping. To exemplify, for the former expains significant change between the UK sales also Japan, and the latter you can put the explanation about the other countries
nuni11   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1: The USA and The UK Expenditure of Petrol [2]

A breakdown of the comparison of citizens' petrol
usage between the United States of America and the United Kingdom measured in the percentage of their income is illustrated in the line graph. Overall, it is noticeable that there is an upward trend on the fuel expenditure of the United Kingdom, while another area shows the reverse. In any case, there is a huge difference in the petrol consumption of low-income residents in the two countries.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, the utilizing of poor people from the United Kingdom is less than 1% of their payment. Interestingly, the spending of fuels and the income are connected exponentially. As the salary rise, the more proportion it will take to pay in petrol from people's fee. Next, the salary in the United Kingdom, which is spent by wealthy citizens, are the highest at approximately 4%.

Turning to the USA, the poor people spend the greatest proportion of their income almost six time as much of people with the same payment in the UK. However, residents with average fees spend about 4 until 5% of their salary to the fuel. Whilst rich inhabitants just allocate around 3% of their earnings.

The graph below gives information about how much people in the United States and the United Kingdom spend on petrol




nuni11   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The happiness of people with "married" status is clearly greater than another in the all age group [2]

TASK 1: Happiness Level of Married and Single People

A breakdown of the levels of happiness for couples and single people based on their age and in particular, the blissfulness of who have married according to their children, is illustrated in the bar charts. Both of which is measured in the percentage. Overall, it is noticeable that the happiness of people with married status is clearly greater than another in the all age group. In any case, the factors of gratefulness, which are the number and the age of children, have similar proportion.

To begin, the rating of happiness for married couples almost has the same percentage though people aged 18 to 29 are slightly greater by 1% than the group aged 30 until 49 and residents aged between the ages of 50 and 64. As for another group of age, it accounts for exactly 40%. On the other hand, although unmarried people in over 60 group of age are happier than the rest groups, it is represented just 34%. For other age groups, it is counted around one-fifth of the proportion.

Turning to the second bar chart, it shows the percentage of happiness of people in marriage status reaches the highest percentage when they have children under 18 years of age, at 44%. Meanwhile, the couples who do not have babies are less satisfied with the difference of 1% in the percentage. The satisfaction of family who only have grown-up children is presented at 41%. At first glance, the happiness of couples who have been married accounts virtually the same percentage in all group of age while another status is dominated in one age group.




nuni11   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 having a job prior entering to university has many benefits [5]

...getting valuable experiences regarding with working atmosphere(...)the payment during working is unsuitable with theirof work is less than their expectation.

...choosing to break and getting a job(...)This valuableprecious experience makes(...)more mature in facing anytheir problem they have and tend to be wiselywiser (...)think out of the box during in the working time

Aside from that, the salary they get from being employeea worker is not satisfied since they have a low-education qualification.

I think you need more explanation about this, since you put it as the merits of notion.
nuni11   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Prejudice of Personality by Experience : Can We? [3]

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THE CLOTHES PEOPLE WEAR ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INDICATION OF WHAT THEY ARE LIKE. OTHERS, HOWEVER. SAY THAT PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE JUDGET BY THE CLOTHES THEY WEAR.

DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION


Fashion has become interestingly significant in today's lifestyle. While some people are of the opinion that the clothes which are worn by inhabitants represent their true colors, others argue that it is not justified to judge someone based on their appearance. This essay will discuss both notions, but I extremely believe that people should be aware to wear appropriate clothes according to the circumstances.

A great number of people argue that the main function of clothes has been shifted from just to protect our body from the environment condition to become more specific like reveal residents' identities due to the fact that mostly, people will get comments from others because of the clothes they wear. For example, someone who uses branded products will get compliment from the others. In addition, citizens, who dress neatly, ten to be tagged trustworthy. It is thus clear that dressing can reveal people's personality.

However, publics cannot judge others just by looking to what they wear. The popular quotes, "Do not judge the book from its cover", should become the mind's program when someone meet the individuals. In some areas, there is a prejudice of women wear a sexy outfit as an "easy" though that could be just their way to express themselves. Moreover, there are various crime occurs such as deception of well-suited people. The victims confess that they do not suspect the deceivers as they appear reliable until the criminals run with their money.

Personally, I think citizens should consider the places to wear their clothes. To exemplify, when workers meet with clients, they should dress neatly to gain trust. In addition, residents cannot just deliberately appear with their styles regardless the condition.

To conclude, it is unavoidable that fashion is already become a significant part of our life, but the personality cannot be judged simply by the appearance. The best solution will be for everyone adjusts their clothes based on the situation.
nuni11   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people prefer to open their own job field rather than enroll to a corporation or organisation [2]

Although this may brings a de merit, as wepeople need longer time to earn money(...)starting a business has some benefits

start a business has some benefits for indovodual and other .

The explanation here is not clear. What do you mean by "other"? Is it for other people, or other company?

For instance, that will teaches a person to be an independent man, create a new job field for unemployment people and improve the financial condition of his country.

I think you do not need to put this in the introduction since it is a further explanation for the argument.

BuildOpening a new company will not be easy(...)well-developed business plen(spelling ). Even though soHowever , a business need (...)to build connection with other companycompanies

there will be a job field wich is opened(...)person learns how to be independentindependence ora leader,

In conclusion, starting own business brings many advantages toward an individual, public and the government,
(I think the explanation about the advantage for the government is not stated celarly. Look at it carefully )
nuni11   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The given diagram illustrates the ins and outs of air circulation in a house - prodigality of energy [4]

in a house and causingwhich cause causing the extravagance (...) into a house throughfrom downstairs and upstairs while the warm atmosphere is leaked by way ofthrough the ceiling.

the air leaksseeps into the house through several mediums which is installed
Moreover, the hot airs are also replaced (...) thanks to the household tools like kitchen fan and dryer vent.
...leaked through few channels
nuni11   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Merits and Drawbacks of Take Break Before Continuing University For Young People [2]

SOME SUGGEST THAT YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD TAKE A JOB FOR A FEW YEARS BETWEEN SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITY.
DISCUSS WHAT ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES MIGHT BE FOR PEOPLE WHO DO THIS.

It is assumed that it is better for youngsters to work for a few years before continuing their study at university. However, there are several merits and drawbacks about this notion. This essay will discuss both sides.

These days and ages, a great number of teenagers choose to take a break for a while and applying in particular work to gain experiences. Firstly, they learn to socialize widely in the working world and accustomed to face various characteristic of other coworkers. They will involve with some problem and adjust to solve similar situation later. In addition they also learn to be more aware of using money as they know how hard it is to earn money.

However, there are some demerits of this choice for adolescents. First and foremost, as the world developed, some companies require specific criteria to employ people such as particular degree. This causes that they will not get any opportunity to get well-paid job or even a high position in organizations due to the reason that it is generally offered for collage graduators. Also, the most important point, psychologically, there is a best time for human to learn when they are much younger so that they should not loss the opportunity to study when they can.

To sum up, the choice of youngster whether they continue their study or get a job first, brings some advantages and disadvantages for them. The best solution is for teenagers to think carefully by considering the effects for what work the best for their future.
nuni11   
Jan 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media Broadcast Too Much of Popular People : Agree or Disagree [2]

THE MEDIA PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO THE LIVES AND RELATIONSHIPS OF CELEBRITIES SUCH AS ACTORS, SINGERS OR FOOTBALLERS. THEY SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME REPORTING THE LIVES OF ORDINARY PEOPLE INSTEAD.

TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

It is presumed that celebrities private lives are getting too much interest of media such as magazines or live reports in television. As far as I am concerned, although the information of the media can be monotonous and tiresome, I do not agree if daily activities of ordinary citizens should be publicizing more.

The supporters of this notion argue that the information which is given by media are repetitious and is sometimes worthless because the reporters concentrate on delivering up to date news of celebrities. Taking Indonesia as an example, there are various gossip programs in almost all private channels which air at least once in a day. As a result, the audiences are presented of the reports continuously and it is not worthy to spend more time to watch the broadcasting. Also, the TV programs just inform the scandals of famous people that can be upsetting. It is thus clear that the production team of the shows considers to limit the publication of superstars live.

However, it is certainly tragic that from the media perception, a large number of people do not want to watch the report of ordinary people. The inhabitants tend to watch the well-known residents due to entertainment pleasure. Moreover, the fact that it is a popular people's lifestyle make it more interesting. In fact, even though showing the common people experiences such as the life of inspiring teachers can motivate others, much more newscast of normal citizens will not work for some viewers.

To sum up, although the broadcast of actors, singers, or footballers is wearisome, it is not necessary for the journalists to present more of regular residents. Nonetheless, the amount of useless news of famous people should be reduced.
nuni11   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'build up close relation to others' - The Effect of Electronic Media on Personal Relationship [4]

THE USE OF ELECTRONIC MEDIA HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PEOPLE.
TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?


These days and ages, it is presumed that private relationship between citizens has been affected negatively by the utilizing of electronic media. Although sophisticated technology brings demerit such as online bullying for some people, I extremely agree that it is really helpful to keep in touch with relatives.

A great number of people argue that as the technology advance, people tend to be more careless to write bad feedback due to the fact that it is not more difficult to track. Taking Indonesia as an example, some artists have to face cruel comments which is wrote by the haters and it seems that it is common to do such action. As a result, some inhabitants think that writing a bad comment to other is not a critical issue. It is thus clear that, private communication of residents is driven to be not respectful.

However, advanced technology has became a great helping hand nowadays, to connect with families or friends who stay far away. First and foremost, people can use the features of smartphone and laptop to make a call or even a video call by using internet connection to talk with other relatives which can decrease travel expense which is used to visit them directly. In addition, the flow of information is faster so that it becomes easier to inform the recent condition of others. Also, talking with friends who live in another part of the world becomes much more easier as it can be delivered by instant messenger. Consequently, it is tighten the personal connection between people.

To sum up, although at the present time developed media affect the way people talk online, it is immensely useful to build up close relation to others. The best way will be for the netizens to be more responsible in leaving online comment in social media.
nuni11   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The level of graduates from 2001 to 2007 who are recruited as regular educators in Ontario; IELTS 1 [2]

...French-language teachers, graduates in 2001 stood at 70% in the starting period , likewise, the teachers of English subject was recruited lower compared with the French tutor by approximately 3% compared with the French tutor at the same year(...)Interestingly, in 2003 experienced...

...although there was a gradualslight drop in the previous year

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