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Posts by madmoiselle
Name: Réré
Joined: May 5, 2016
Last Post: Sep 17, 2016
Threads: 21
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Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Exposure to international media, e.g. films, TV and magazines [2]

Exposure to international media, e.g. films, TV and magazines, has an impact on the local culture. Please discuss whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Today, the local cultures compete strongly with the emergence of foreign cultures through the media. I believe this development triggers an impact on the existence of local culture. Nevertheless, I will discuss this issue further in this essay.

Media is one of the facilities that publish any information around the world which is accessible for people all ages. Furthermore, media can enrich people's insights through magazine or newspaper they read or TV program they watch. Take for instance a healthy American life style article, it is the way of media to foster the readers in order to adjust their life style. Thus, the local people possess a good life long expectancy.

However, there is evidence that not all media presents beneficial programs or articles particularly for youngsters and children. For example in terms of entertainment, such as girl bands or boy bands and drama films published in TV programs. Generally speaking, these shows influence the student's performance in the school because many students have been addicted to watch them. Nowadays, the emergence of foreign culture presented through media such as apparel style disposes people to ignore domestic products. As a consequence, the local culture will erase by the time if the societies do not aware of it.

To sum up, it is true that media has allowed people to see other cultures that can inspire them. However, this phenomenon has threatened the prevailing local culture wherein as a distinction of a country. Therefore, the government should take into account this issue for preventing the eradication of local culture.
Aug 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The map illustrates an overview of before and after the construction [2]

The map illustrates an overview of before and after the construction of some amenities in an island. It can be seen that many buildings and access routes have been made after the construction. Meanwhile, the island is only a blank space before being constructed.

After the island is constructed, a pear is built for the cruise puts its passengers ashore. Moreover, the tourist can stay at the accommodations and eat in the restaurant near to the beach. There are ten accommodations in the western area and six accommodations in the eastern area wherein each of them is surrounded by a footpath. However, in the western island, the area is nearer to the beach, it is pointed through the footpath where the tourists can enjoy swimming.

In addition, a reception place is made for welcoming the tourists who have just arrived in the island. Then, the tourists are also can cycle at the vehicle tracks that turn around the reception building. After the construction, the island becomes very an amusement place in compared to before the construction.

Aug 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 2 : The Way To Have Healthy Lifestyle essay [3]

the most pivotal issue in today sophisticated era.
some people make their idol as a primary role model

Hi Iforsa, your essay is good but i find that you use too many "so that" in your essay, i think you can change it to other words such as "therefore" " in order to", etc it makes your essay sounds better. Good Luck!
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - More and more works is done by the machines. [2]

More and more works is done by the machines. What are the impacts on individuals and society? What's your opinion?

Today, machine plays an important role in people's life. This phenomenon leads the impacts towards individuals and society. Nevertheless, I believe that there are advantages and drawbacks of such this issue.

It is unquestionably that technology has facilitated people's work to be done easily. However, this development assumes individuals to be more dependent on using it. A host of sophisticated machines created by scientists has substituted people's power. The human resources become lessen as a consequence of it. This phenomenon triggers a number of problems such as unemployment due to a lack of the job field in many areas. Thus, using machine in today's society should be taken into account, particularly for the private and the public sectors.

The prevalence of machine is indeed very essential in everyday's task. Nevertheless, people are not supposed to be dependent on using it for all purposes. In terms of cleaning the floor for instance, they can do it manually by using a broom or a mop instead of using a vacuum cleaner. Unless, the works cannot be done by people's power such as photocopying. However, it is considerable that using machine needs a lot of energy and triggers global warming. Hence, individuals ought to use their own strength as long as it does not strive for them.

In conclusion, machine has taken part in today's world is undoubtedly true. In my point of view, people have to consider its impacts to the human resources and the environment. Therefore, the government should be wisely in addressing this issue.
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Podcast Summary: Educate The Young Women To Be Brave Than To Be Perfect [2]

This podcast is from Rashma Saujani, 2016 who started their story fromthat based on her true story.
she was a child,
However, Rashma did not care and swore to be thea runner.
young women was tough to
It was Contrasted with the young boy
Girls are risingborn to be perfect while boys are risingborn to be brave.
Lack of bravery is thea reason
in this present days are under-represented
that smart girls wee fast to gave up easily .
become challenging inwere brave to overcome the difficult materials
how boys and girls facewere facing the experiment.

Here are some suggestions and corrections for paragraph 1 to 3 from me :)
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Panama Pepers exposed a huge global problem [4]

David Palmer from G lobal Witness
This revealed scaldalscandal
Starting at the moment David and Global W itness have encouraged (...) the world to be aware and stop the secrecy of those who have hiding their money illegally, because it can caused ....
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The sale of foods and drinks on a typical weekday in a coffee shop [3]

The sale of foods and drinks on a typical weekday in a coffee shop in an office building are depicted in the table. Overall, it is noticeable that morning is the highest sales time in all menus, except for the sandwich. Meanwhile, the lowest sales time is in the afternoon, except for the pastry.

It can be seen that coffee is the most favorite drink in the all time, particularly in the morning that sells until 265 cups and in the evening two hundreds cups. Then, the most favorite food is pastry which can be sold out up to 275 for breakfast time. However, people prefer to order sandwich for lunch and dinner.

In addition, the number of tea sale is extremely far different in comparison to the coffee. The highest tea sale is in the morning 110 cups, whereas the lowest is only 35 cups in the afternoon. Moreover, the sale of sandwiches is two hundreds lower in total than the pastry.

Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The rail transport in the UK, the USA, Japan and Italy in 2007 [4]

The rail transport in the UK, the USA, Japan and Italy in 2007 is depicted in the table. Overall, it can be seen that Japan has the highest passengers and the heaviest cargo carried. However, the lowest passengers and cargo carried is the USA.

It is noticeable that in 2007, the UK and Italy possessed nearly similar number of people using the train. In Britain was 5.9 passengers, while in Italy was 5.5. Then, the number passengers of Japan were twenty seven, which is much higher compared to the USA that only 0.3. Moreover, the distance of passengers per head of population between the UK and Italy were slightly different, wherein Italy is 10 KM longer than the UK.

In addition, the weights of cargo carried by Britain, Japan and Italy in 2007 were almost equal. The heaviest cargo was Japan at 23.01 billion tons, and then followed by the UK 22.2 billion and Italy 21.9 billion. However, the weight cargo carried of these three states was extremely far in comparison with the USA that only 2,880 billion tons.

Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / What the West's Ancient Droughts Say About Its Future [4]

The article is written by Lisa M. Krieger
Most of the modern Californians are facing the frightening question
Is the drought is caused by an aberration
Scientists have tendency to keep of the related question
dried wells go dry , fallow field would go fallow , lesslack of water for agriculture,
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Beware, We Will Run Out of Water if We Don't Do These Things! [5]

we can see ifthe drought has been happening world-widely .
their nuclear power plants have shut down forbecause lack of water to cool
where coal power stations is sealed due to the drought.
in the United States, is already on the stage of worryingied about their water stockpile to fight wildfires
to see the entire cities
to serve a betterinforming the public education about using water usewisely ,
Aug 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people argue that teaching students to behave well and to assess right and wrong is important. [2]

Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students how to judge right and wrong and how to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that teaching students to behave well and to assess right and wrong is important. However, others think that teachers have to focus on teaching academic lessons only. I believe that there are strong reasons underlying on these statements which I will discuss further in this essay.

On the one hand, it is responsibility for the teacher educates children while in the school. Their main duty is preparing their students reaches their dream in the future. Based on this thought, some people believe that teacher should only focus on teaching school subjects thereby their students understand the lessons properly. Meanwhile, teaching the children to behave well and to judge right and wrong is parent's responsibility, because it is out of school curriculum. Thus, parents and teachers possess their own roles to educate the children.

On the other hand, tough main duty of teachers is teaching in the class, however they are a respected figure in the school. Their behaviors are an example particularly for their students. Therefore, it is important to teacher initiate their students behaving well and judging what is right and wrong. Hence in the future, their students are not only success in the job, but also polite and wise to make a decision in their life.

To sum up, indeed teacher's main duty is teaching the school subjects which is based on the school curriculum. However, in my point of view, it is better if teachers become a good figure for their students and collaborate well with the parents to educate the children. Therefore, they are success in terms of academic and life.
Jul 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / In many countries of the world few people earn extremely high salary [8]

To begin with,
drawing high salary is on a par with the development of the country.
To have a health and harmonious environment it is essential to appraise once work
This will eventually motivate them to climb up the ladder with enthusiasm tically.
due to its adverse effects on once working condition.
I would like to draw here would beis , an indulgent person who indulge in work and dowho has an outstanding achievement getsis demotivated if the employer ...

On the whole a nations progress fall in hand ...
rather its is getting circulated everywhere.
which in turn, make them loose interest in their work.
Jul 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Fresh tea leaves picking is the first step of manufacturing black tea; IELTS diagram [3]

Two different methods of manufacturing black tea are depicted in the diagrams. The two of these processes are traditional and modern ways. Overall, there are five steps of how to produce the tea.

Initially, pick the fresh tea leaves which is only bud and the two top of the leaves. These leaves are the best quality than others part ones. Then, these leaves are put on the rack and withered by air, so that the sixty percent of moisture are out. After withering, the leaves are hit by using two different methods.

The first is traditional method. This method is by rolling the tea leaves become flat and broken, thereby the enzymes from the leaves release. The next step is oxidation. The rolled leaves, then spread on the tiles. In this process, the leaves colour change becoming copper because of encountering the substance of enzymes and air. Lastly, it is frying process. The leaves are put in the oven for reducing the moisture up to 97%.

The next method is modern way. This is the quicker process than the previous one. First, the leaves are cut, torn and curled become smaller granular pieces. After that, these leaves are spread on the cement which is called fermentation process. After the leaves colour changes being copper, the leaves then dried in the hot dryers. Therefore the flavor and aroma of black tea release.

Jul 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 essay practice - Population Distribution in two different countries, two different year [4]

The pie charts provide information onabout the proportion of populations based on citizens' age in two different countries, in the year of 2000 withand predictions for the year 2050. Each pie chart divides the people in theireach country into three groups of people according to their ages...

Yemen had about half of their people in Yemen wasas young children
while in Italy, it only less

In future prediction
is also forecastedto be decreasedwill decline by more than
Jul 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS; To read or not to read: That is a question - can we learn that way about a foreign country? [2]

but this approach is really suitable for everyone : However is this the best way for...
yet for someone who unfamiliar with the local language,
take people a great deal of time to learn(,) so that it is
the fact that is unlike the description in the newspapers or magazines.
Take me for example, when I want travelinged in the U.S. three years ago
to taste various foods in there .
After thatHowever , I was very depressed and dodid not think those restaurants are desirable to eat like the magazine said, since thefood calories and the prices are too high and expensive to eat .

Due toconsidering the articles are always quite difficult to learn, and the information does not always reflect the facts.
Jul 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of average food budget family for eating in restaurant is depicted in the pie charts [2]

The charts below show the percentage of their food budget the average family spent on restaurant meals in different years. The graph shows the number of meals eaten in fast food restaurants and sit-down restaurants.

The percentage of average food budget family for eating in restaurant is depicted in the pie charts in the year 1970, 1980, 1990 and 2000. Furthermore, the number of fast food and sit-down restaurant is revealed in the line graph for the same years. Overall, there is a significant increase in food budget from year to year.

In the pie charts, it was noticeable that from 1970 to 1990, majority family spent their money for eating in their home. However, only minority family that eats in restaurant. In 2000, the proportion of people who ate in restaurant and home were balance at 50%.

In addition, it was shown in the line graph that in 1970, the numbers of meals eaten in fast food and sit down restaurant was equal, it was twenty which is the lowest number over the period. Then, in 1980s they increased at roughly thirty. Thereafter, the both peaked in 2000, whereby fast food meals were predominantly at nearly 90 while sit down restaurants were 50.

Jul 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Government spending on the internet - is it the most appropriate use of money? IELTS task 2 [7]

Hi, here are some suggestions :)

However, I still think that money should be diverted into other fields such as scientific research or infrastructure.

People, especially the young, are frequently using the internet users , whothey will inevitably feel delighted to be able to checking e-mails and surfing the web at a greaterhigh speed,

on e-commerce- which is an integral part of

increasing the quality and the quantity of online-shopping, and attracting a considerable number
Jul 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - More and more measures to improve the security in the urban area [2]

More and more measures to improve the security in the urban area have been introduced because of the increased crime. Do the benefits of the measures outweigh the drawbacks?

In the urban area, the security has been improved due to the crime restriction. The measures introduced may cause the benefits and the drawbacks to the society. However, I believe that those measures possess more benefits to the urban dwellers.

Living in urban area has its own challenge for some people. The highly competitive aspects such as high cost of living leads struggle for the poor. While trying to cope with the realities of a city life, some people may become a wrongdoer to stay alive. Therefore to prevent this, the government applies the strict rules particularly in public areas, such as conducting security check before entering a mall, taking measures for any suspicious act in people and so forth. However, the rule might cause difficulties, because people cannot experience their activity freely.

On the other hand, as a result of improving the security, people won't longer worry about their belongings or placing their vehicles in parking area, because they feel safe. In addition, the parents will be more convenient to let their children outside home. Indeed, the applied tight rules in public area constrict the wrongdoer to conduct their acts. Hence, the offenders might think twice before doing the crime.

In conclusion, enhancing the security in urban area is undoubtedly leads many benefits than its drawbacks. However, the government had better not only prevent the wrongdoer to act but also look for its causes, considering the crime happens not because of without reason. Therefore, they will diminish the crime properly.
Jul 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The diagram reveals how to use an automatic photo booth [5]

The diagram reveals how to use an automatic photo booth. Overall, there are six steps to use this tool.

At first, people should enter a coin in side of the booth. The following step is choosing the size of photo, such as 1 large format or passport-sized. Then, they are supposed to pick out whether they want colour photos or black and white photos. However, for the passport photo sized, it is only available in colour.

After that, people enter through the booth and sit in the adjustable stool. They should pay attention to eye level that must close to the screen when taking photos. Therefore before taking picture, people can see their face at the mirror to adjust their appearance. The picture will be taken if the light single flash has appeared after seconds thereby they should wait for it first. Then, after taking picture, the photos will be delivered within 60 second to the side of booth.

Jul 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Daily tasks without meeting people face to face - effects it may have on individuals and the society [2]

It is now possible to perform everyday tasks, such as bank transaction, shopping or even office works, without meeting people face to face. What are the effects it may have on individuals and the society as a whole?

Today, performing daily duties such as bank transaction, shopping or office works without meeting people directly is feasible. This is due to the advancement of technology has changed the way of people to interact each other. However, there are some effects on individuals and the whole of society owing to this change.

Lack interaction among people leads society to be more individualist. They relish spending their time solely and more communicating with people they need to talk with via internet as opposed to speaking face to face, in which taking much money and energy to meet them in the long distance. Furthermore, they suppose by using the cutting-edge of technology, it is not longer need other people to help their daily tasks, because they believe can do it by their self. Hence, it is undeniable that the society becomes more anti social.

In addition, people become dependence on using the internet. Everyday, they spend a lot of their time in the screen rather than getting around. In the house for instance, the relation among family member, either between husband and wife or among parents and children becomes less. The harmonization within family is flat and lack affection, due to people prefers spending their daily pursuits with their gadget. Thus, using technology abounds should be taken into account.

In conclusion, it is true that the advancement of technology has helped society in performing their daily tasks. However, people should limit their self to use it, considering the possibility effects that might occur.
Jul 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Television, newspapers, magazines - fake and manipulating news out of this reality? [4]

Hi Payal, I like your clear opinion, however your essay is not structured well as Ichan explain above. Good luck for your next writing :)

A proactive media can actually help building strong nations
The media should take the responsibility of the facts it is making public (be aware of punctuation)
May 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Some support development in agriculture, such as farming industry [2]

Some support development in agriculture, such as farming industry, creation of new types fruit and vegetable. Others disapprove. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The advance of technology in agriculture area such as in farming industry has become an intensely debate among public. Some individuals support creation of new types fruit and vegetable, while others contradict to this new development. However, I will discuss these both views in this essay.

Many scientists believe that the enhancement of farming industry leads to positive effects in agriculture world. For instance, by creating new types of fruit and vegetable, it will improve the richness collection of variety of plant. In addition, by doing hybrid to certain fruits and vegetables, the result of these new types plant are better in quality, wherein the contain nutrition is higher than the original ones. Thus, for these reasons, some people support to the advancement in farming industry.

On the other hand, the drawbacks of such improvement in this industry have triggered a controversial among people. This is because the new types of fruit and vegetable that is successfully made, will threaten the originality of plants itself. Moreover, there is a negative effect to the environment, such as damaging the component structures of the ground which is dangerous for insects. Then, in the social-economic aspect, great numbers farmers are menaced losing their job, due to the hybrid plants do not need many labors in the work process. As a consequence, many people opposite to this development.

In conclusion, it is true that the enhancement in agriculture area has created a breakthrough in farming industry. However, in my own perspective, the government had better control farming industry in creating new types of fruit and vegetable by considering the negative effects of such this development to the environment and society.
May 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / World has changed speedily from manual era to digital era because of computers [3]

It was hard wayuneasy to recall all past data, someonepeople must
the computer has made make workingmore efficiently .
withby computer search engine by less than 1 minute
all instanceinstitutions use
Taking hospital asfor example,
This way makes easy thefor doctors to know the record of their patient.
Secondly, computer makes the world to beis more instant.
in short time. MoreoverTherefore , reducing cost and efficiency long of time are direct effect from computer.
May 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay - New theater in the neighborhood. Sugesstions? [6]

it will be easier for me to travel and it makes our area safer .
having a new theater closes to
if a new theater is built closes to my
the stress of traveling due to a longer distance
thisis a great newsmakes me happier that
May 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - An increase the production of consumer goods results in the damage [2]

An increase the production of consumer goods results in the damage to the natural environment. Why is this case? What can we do to solve this problem?

The highly increase in producing consumer goods has triggered the environmental damage. However, using those products is human necessity. Nevertheless, some possible measures could be taken into account to address this issue.

Nowadays, human population in some regions has increased significantly. It is unquestionably that every people have spent a lot of their money to buy consumer goods products for their daily necessity. In terms of cleanness for instance, they use cleaning products such as detergent to clean their dress, shampoo and soap for taking a bath and so forth. They have become the most important items in human life. Thus, it is undoubtedly true that using consumer goods products is human necessity.

However, an increasing demand to use consumer goods has negative effects to the environment. For this reason, the government should restrict the rules of waste disposal to the factories, then fostering the companies to be greener by promoting solar and power energy and recycling water use and packages. Additionally, societies ought to economize in using the consumer goods products as well. By doing so, the environment will be more preserved.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that consumer goods have taken important part to human necessity in their daily life. However, people should economize using them and the government had better control the consumer goods company in taking benefit of nature to their business. Therefore, the environment will be protected.
May 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / "Choosing between a house and a business" - TOEFL Essay [4]

... house show us the responsibility of us withfor our family. A house creates a stablesafe place for your family to live in.
More notably, having a house bringlead you to the necessarypersonal privacy becauseOur personal things are in private is necessity. We are likely to free to do theany things we like.

Thus, this is a safe purchase.
Therefore, it is a valuable property and not easy to loselosing the price.
May 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / I strongly agree that gender could affect on the job position based on certain abilities. [6]

Some people think that man and women have different qualities that some certain job suitable for man and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals argue that man and women are only suit to certain job due to they possess different qualifications. In my point of view, I strongly agree that gender could affect on the job position based on certain abilities.

In some regions, it is cultural reason that unsuitable to let women work harshly because they believe that men are more suits to do some works that need a lot of powers and women should work in safer place. For example, in some areas, many companies need man engineers for working in the field or ocean to drill the ground, while women are more needed in terms of administrative office. Thus, the strong of cultural rule might effect on the man and women job.

In additions, the biologist factor also takes responsibility to the position of the job. The man and women have totally different hormone which is man are frequently use their brain to think logically, whereas women are more likely use their feeling to face the problems. This is one of reasons why women are more vulnerable creature than man, therefore they possess different abilities. Hence, biological takes part to determine the position of the job.

In conclusion, along with the globalization era, these days, many women have jobs that usually do by men and vice versa. However, owing to some factors such as cultural and biological, the job had better differentiate based on the gender qualifications.
May 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Pupils should be trained how to become a precedent parent. IELTS [3]

On the other hand, becoming well-qualified parents does not require such parenthood ...
Children can learn it naturally throughout IN their adulthood LIFE. Be based on research, it found REVEALED that the development of children is more likely related to THEIR experiences outside the school. This ability allowS them to solve THE problems and break THE challenges during their life. Finally THEREFORE, when they WILL SUCCESS BEING PARENT WHEN had BUILD a family in the future, this would guide them to be successful parents.
May 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - In some societies, fashion is becoming more and more important [6]

In some societies, fashion is becoming more and more important in choosing clothes. Why is it the case? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some individuals argue that being more fashionable is important, particularly in choosing clothes. This is due to they put the appearance as a paramount value in their life. I personally believe that fashion leads people to positive way.

In today society life, many people are undoubtedly spending their money for fashionable clothes. A host of dress styles created by designers and their works invite people to become trendy, stylish and good looking. In addition, some individuals even pay high cost a designer for a splendid dress which suit to their body for certain events such as wedding party and ceremony. Thus, it is unquestionably true that choosing the best clothe is important for people's appearance.

There are some positives effects of being fashionable in a daily life. Firstly, people will be more confidence by wearing their best dress in any occasion, for instance meeting up with a prominent person, attending birthday party and so forth. This is because they evidently comfort with their dress. Moreover, people will be braver showing in front of many people, especially for those who work as a motivator or public figure. As a result, people will experience their daily pursuit optimistically.

In conclusion, fashion becomes more important in today's world. Wearing the best clothe in any occasion are able increasing a confidence value, therefore fashion is a positive development to foster people's personality.
May 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - A hundred years ago, people thought that the human race was steadily improving [5]

Hi Mersad and Ivy thank you :)

Ivy, i have some questions that would like to ask

- human life's aspects that needs to be enhanced.

why you use S in the end of need while the subject is plural (human life's aspects)?

- There are many states that has established

then in this sentence you use has while the subject is plural (many states)?

I just confused with this, I hope you give me an explanation :)