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Posts by ashelarisa48
Name: Ashela Risa
Joined: Aug 10, 2016
Last Post: Oct 27, 2016
Threads: 36
Posts: 52  
Likes: 4
From: Indonesia
School: University of Sumatera Utara

Displayed posts: 88 / page 1 of 3
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ashelarisa48   
Aug 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : TED's Secret to Great Public Speaking by Chris Anderson [7]

How do you feel when you have to speak on a stage in front of many audiences? Mostly people probably will answer,'Oh, I can be nervous at beginning" or "I do not know what I have to say, I am not accustomed to speak in public". Well, I remember about a friend of mine in university who always refused to be presenter in every time we would explain about our group project in front of the class. "You would better give other request but do not ever ask me to explain it to others",said her to me at that time. I think she is not alone feeling that thing. For some people, public speaking sometimes can be a terrible specter.

In other side, we can find some great public speakers easily say something awesome that can inspire people. Are they born with that talent? We can say it is possible, but Chris Anderson, the owner of TED, said that we have to pay attention of this four things if we want to be a good public speaker.

Firstly, keep focus on single major idea. Too many ideas or topics can make your listeners confused on what exactly the point that you want to share. Then it is better if you give examples to describe more about the topic.

Secondly, give people a reason to care. Why they should listen your words? How to grab the public attention on what you talk about? You can start with an interesting and important fact or issue that makes audiences feel curious to listen more on what you say.

Thirdly, build your idea with familiar concept. Try to use common words according to people's background to make them easily to understand. People would be hard to figure it out if you say too many technical or uncommon words. It also works for you using power language to arouse audiences' feeling.

Fourthly, make your idea worth to shared. You can say what is the values or the benefits of your saying.

At last, if I may add it, trying to keep practice on public speaking. Practice makes it perfect.

Related video : ted.com/talks/chris_anderson_teds_secret_to_great_public_speaking
ashelarisa48   
Aug 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : TED's Secret to Great Public Speaking by Chris Anderson [7]

Hello, nice to see you!
Actually, the first paragraph is not totally same as the speaker's saying on video. I wrote it based on my experience and opinion myself. Maybe you could kindly watch the video first.

I really appreciate about your constructive suggestions for my summery.
Thank you for your feedback! :)
ashelarisa48   
Aug 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of Article "Britain's First Female Doctor" [2]

Hello Hikuma! I have just read your summary and I want to try to give you a bit suggestions.

Most doctors and surgeons did not agree disagreed about female joining their ranks.

When Elizabeth sent her applications to teaching hospitals and universities, all of them were sobering up.
I think we can also use educational hospitals.

The Society shrank alarm, but her father threatened to prosecute it. and Finally in 1865, Elisabeth could pass the exams.

Keep writing, Hikuma!
Best regards
ashelarisa48   
Aug 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Facts of Laughter by Sophie Scott [2]

Laughter is usually a spontaneous reaction we do when we look or listen something funny. It can change our mood from bad to good. Sophie Scott, one of TED's speakers has a pleasing way to explain some facts about laughter. Check this out!

#Fact 1 :
Based on a research, all mammals have ability to laugh. It had been investigated to primates and rats that feel a tigling sensation.

#Fact 2 :
What is going to happen to our body when laughing? It shows different reaction on respiratory organ while breathing, talking or laughing. Laughing makes slats and chest will contract more very regularly than breathing or talking. Every contraction of laughing produces unique sound and everyone has their own sound.

#Fact 3 :
There are many reasons that makes people laughing. Seeing someone doing something unusual, listening funny story or showing to somebody that we are really interested about what they say can be the reasons.

#Fact 4 :
Human can falsify a laughter. A fake laughter mostly appears in a formal situation that makes us having a polite attitude to respond some jokes. It also happen while we are actually not interested of someone's gag but try to appreciate it. Adults can distinguish the real or fake laughter better than children.

#Fact 5 :
Laughing is related to playing and interaction. We tend to laugh while we are with someone. In other word, we can not laugh alone because people will think we are crazy. Then laughing can also spread to other people and it gives cheerfulness on the atmosphere.

At the end, as the Old Indonesian Comedian Group, Warkop DKI said, LAUGH! BEFORE IT IS BANNED!

Related Video : ted.com/talks/sophie_scott_why_we_laugh
ashelarisa48   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Plant Life in the Taklimakan Desert [4]

Hello Ibal!
You did it good, but I want to give a bit feedback on your summary.

The Taklimakan Desert is the second biggest desert before after Sahara Desert in Africa....

Taklimakan Desert has a species of plants a variety of plant species that grow well ...

... preventing the erosion and conserve conserving biodiversity.

Keep writing! Keep spirit!
Best regards
ashelarisa48   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / In the modern era, internet has become one of the greatest things in the world [3]

Hai Halim, you did it well! I am trying to add some feedbacks, here we go.

......., internet has become one of the greatest technology in the world.

......, but others are have judgment opposite the opposite judgment.

I think that internet brings us some advantages and disadvantages.

Because general public could access what is they want or what is going on much information about the world.

...students have opportunity to learn about lectures or doing to do their duty from university;

the common reason is for using high or smart communication people can communicate easier by internet even though they who are not in same place-in different country are in the different country.

Keep writing! Let's study more to improve our english!
ashelarisa48   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / International Visitors to New Zealand : Reason for visit [4]

The chart provides information about why international holidaymakers come to New Zealand. Walking is the main reason which the percentage is 85 percent of visitors. The second popular reason is sightseeing with a figure of 75 percent. 50 percent go for boating which is the third popular motivation and the last, less than 50 percent go for enjoying volcanos and museums. Overall, outdoor activities is more prefarably by the visitors than indoor activities.
ashelarisa48   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people in urban society have unhealthy lifestyle while others always try to keep their body fit [2]

Hi Intana! You did it well, but I am trying to give you a different way to write it.

... it is very difficult for people to have a helathy healthy lifestyle. Others however, However, the opposite ideas say ...

In my opinion, there are some reasons whypeople think that to have a healthy lifestyle are is hard while others enjoy ...

... if people do not change their unhealthy lifestyle bad habits to not ...

It will be better if you use the synonym to rewrite some words to avoid the repetition in your writing. Good luck!
ashelarisa48   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Analisys of the chart - transport used by visitors during travel in New Zealand [3]

The chart shows the vehicles used by visitors during travel in New Zealand. The most popular transport is using car which the percentage is almost 70 percent. Plane and coach are the next favourite vehicles which have nearly same amount that are around 30 percent. The percentage of holidaymakers using train is 20 percent and least of all is using boat, with the percentage is 5 percent. For the conclusion, public transportation is more popular than private vehicle which the total is more than 85 percent of visitors.




ashelarisa48   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Work or travel? The dilemma of adolescents after finishing third school and before beginning college [4]

Hi Halim! I am trying to give you a different way to write some sentences. I hope it can add your preference.

....sometimes it is hard to young people to decide on what to do the dilemma of adolescents after finishing third school and before beginning in college is a controversial issue . Traveling or working becomes several recommended things that can be their choice.

Keep spirit!
ashelarisa48   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / What it means to be a teacher? The Myth and the Reality. [2]

Hello Shadels! I am trying to give you some advices.

When I read your first paragraph, I am confused to get what you mean. It is important to make it simple in writing.

education has captured my attention in different way not many other things have that many others do not have it.

Though my seven-year-old self, sitting in on a college level communications ...

I was thrilled to see that class on my schedule in ...
ashelarisa48   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Beauty and Darkside of Fireflies [3]

Hi Dinar! Nice to read your thread. I am trying to give you some feedback.

They using light as silent conversation to talk each other. == this sentence does not have main verb, maybe you mean to write "they use light as ........."

The males bllink blink the beam and if the female ...
After that, the female will see which one of them have has the longest light ...

Hope it is helpful...
ashelarisa48   
Aug 15, 2016
Grammar, Usage / Can you help me with the appropriate diction? Have I chose the right diction in this sentence? [2]

Hello DimiarA! I am trying to give my best.

Can could you help me towrite a sentence with the appropriate diction? ('Can' is right but you can also use 'could' or 'would', it is more polite)

Have I chose chosen the a right diction in this sentence? (Have + v3 = present perfect)

or how about the grammar?
(You can not use 'or' to start a sentence)

I hope it can be helpful..
Keep writing! :)
ashelarisa48   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Video 3: Reduce Pancreatic Cancer Diseases [5]

Hi! I am trying to give you some changes..

Pancreas cancer is a disease which make makes many people died.

... with cancer disease shows tiny lower percentage at 8% than breast cancer at......

... Many doctors they give pancreatic cancer (...) treatment that has same approach for the breast cancer.

Because pancreatic cancer is in the middle vital organs such ...

New treatment was established by collaboration clinical center in Boston that found the pancreatic cancer ....

I hope it can be helpful..
ashelarisa48   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS part 1 : Average journey time and cost of the transport. [4]

Task 4 (unit 3 page 22)

Writing task 4

The table explains about average journey time before and after improvements based on the types of transport. Tram has a biggest improvements that experiences acceleration at 6 minutes faster than before maintenance. The next is bus that can be quicker 5 minutes than before improvements. Taxi and car are slower than before which have 3 minutes and 5 minutes for each transport. For all, car has the lowest improvement. However, both before and after refinement, we can find that taxi is the fastest vehicle than others and bus is the lowest. Related to the second bar graph, bus is the most economical cost of transport which average cost per kilometre is €0.40. In the second cheapest position is tram which the fee is €0.50 per kilometre, then followed by car that is the third with €1.00 in cost. Taxi is the most expensive vehicle with € 1.80 average cost per kilometre.




ashelarisa48   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Why genetic research must be more diserve (Ted Talks by Keolu Fox) - Summary [2]

Have you heard about Human Genome Project? It is an international collaboration research programme that aims to mapping and understanding about individual genome in the world. Keolu Fox is a researcher who gets interest to this project, particularly in a sort of research named Indigenomics. For information, Indigenomics focus on improving minority health through methods that respect indigenous knowledge.

It started when he was a child, his grandmother, who had been a nurse, always told about Pastor Damien, a Belgian missionary who had spent his life to Hawaiian society in Kalaupapa, a leprosy village in Hawai. The story made him feeling curious, why did the missionary choose to be outcast in Kalaupapa and where was the leprosy bacteria from? The fact is Kanaka Maoli, the indegenous people of Hawaii, was contracted by leprosy very easily.

Interestingly, the most of genetic research was conducted to European descent at 96% and only about 4% was done to non European. Unfortunately, for indegenous it was less than 1% of research. Although Human Genome Project can possibly help people to know more about health potential, to predict and to control degenerative disease.

One of the challenges was about distrust. To illustrate, history told that in 1989, a researcher from Arizona State University had taken blood samples of Havasupai Ethnic in Arizona. The purpose was to search solution for diabetes type 2 but the samples was abused to other research such us schizoprenia. After all, the research was prosecuted and banned by the local. It gave domino effect and spread to other ethnic in South America. Facing this matter, the main point is to not make indegenous being object of research but partners. It is important to explain to them about potential of the use and misuse of genetic code.

Start from now, the experts should give more attention to conduct more diserve research about genetic especially to non European descent and indegenous to rich the knowledge of human genome. It is the key to avoid a big gap from human genetic at present and past. We do not want to lose any information about genetic code of our ancestor, do we? Then, it can be used for better life.

Related video : ted.com/talks/keolu_fox_why_genetic_research_must_be_more_diverse
ashelarisa48   
Aug 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Having a job that you love doing make you happier - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [7]

Hallo Eka! let me try to show you the other way to write it :)

... believe that they have to choose find a job they love to do in order to be happier.
... other things that affect the people to have gain the happiness.

Deciding on what kind of job we want to do is important. (Do not forget to use the word combinations properly such as decide -> on, you can check the BBI dictionary)

Getting a favourite job is one ofour people ambition that we have when we were young and job is our future.

Last, I remain you to minimize using "we" in summary or writing task, as Miss Ray said. Good luck!
ashelarisa48   
Aug 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / A sophistication of technology in communication, nowadays, gives so much easiness to contact others [5]

Writing Part 2

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In this modern era, technology of communication has developed so rapidly. It makes people changing their way to communicate to others. In the past, if they wanted to convey their feeling or tought, they had to meet them directly. Furthermore, when they could not to see them because of long distance, they would write a letter to exchange the information. Then, how about now?

A sophistication of technology in communication, nowadays, gives so much easiness, even the people can communicate easily although they are in a different continent. The best one of the technology is a smartphone. They only have to connect to wi-fi or top up the balance, then by using many social media applications in a smartphone such us electronic mail, whatsapp, instagram or facebook, they can surf and explore people around the world. It makes people gain many friends from the whole world, even they can send a message just in a second!

However, we realize it gives us a low quality of the relation. In my view, it has a different sense when people communicate 'face to face' than by using social media. For instance, they do not know how their friends' expression when they are chatting on facebook. They just look on the laptop's or phone's screen to see their friend. People can also fake their feeling eventhough they write a message with some happiness emoticons. Beside that, people sometimes has ignored their mates when they are meeting up because of too busy too reply others' messages or emails. They are happier to connect to their friends in cyberspace. That is why a smartphone get an epithet "making faraway friends to be closer and close friends to be far away".

In the end, the new style of communication will not give a bad effect to human life if that is used wisely. So that we can keep our great time to make a high quality communication to our family, friend and relatives.
ashelarisa48   
Aug 21, 2016
Scholarship / Korean government regulations affected the internet, music lyrics, broadcast, movies, games, etc [2]

Hai! You did it well but I have found some gramatical errors in your essay. I am going to try to give some correction, here we go.

South Korea have has the fastest internet in the world.

Korean government often blamed a other foreign cultures for made making a harmful environment for the teenagers.

It's It has been debated between by the people and the government......

... justified their high censorship for to protect minors from ...

The restrictions on of sexual content treat like.......

It will be better if you do not use 'and' 'or' to start a sentence, because these words have a function to connect two or more words or sentences which are compound.

I hope it can be helpful.. Keep writing!
ashelarisa48   
Aug 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / "The Danger of Silence" - Summary TED [4]

Hi Ida! Very nice to see you in essay forum, hehe..
I am trying to give some feedback, here we go.

Clint Smith is a teacher who challenges his students to explore the silence ...

He gave up on many things like energy drink...
(I think you can use other word to change 'gave up' in order to not repeat it in other sentences. Also it will be better if you add some facts about what made Clint gave up in the beginning, it can make some sentences easier to understand)

... he unaware to homeless people and he just passed by and only looked ...

He decided to talk what people need to heard hear and talk freely ...

Hope it helps....
ashelarisa48   
Aug 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / This is an inclusive world, human being isn't the only blessed species, there are still other animal [3]

Hi Maura! Nice to see you, I am gonna try to give some feedback.

... creatures like animals and plants that are blessed by the sun and the moon, and all of us compose live together in the wonderful world.

1. Avoiding unnecessary food wasting, and then the saved food could ...

3. ... increasing the area of trees, then slow down reducing the greenhouse effect.

The limits on the amount restriction of using plastic... (You can use restriction or reduction to change 'the limits on the amount' to avoid the repetition word in every paragraph ).

Hope it helps.
ashelarisa48   
Aug 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cities with iconic buildings makes their look special and unique; IELTS Writing Task 2 [3]

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

If the people are asked to mention a thing about Paris, Italy, and Dubai, what will they tell about? Probably most of them will give the same answers. As we know, those countries are so popular because of having an iconic building that makes them special from others. Paris has Eiffel Tower which known by the couples in the world as a symbol of romance. Italy has Pisa Tower which is looked slanting and be famous because of its unique architecture. Then what country has the highest skycraper on the earth? Of course, that is Dubai with its Burj Khalifa!

In my view, I agree that an impressive building is one of the important things that should be exist in every city and can be an identity of the city. However, it does not mean that it must be large, high, expensive, and sophisticated. The main point is how that construction can show the local wisdom and the culture of the city.

Indonesia, for example, consists of diverse cultures and has the unique features in every region. We can see 'Rumah Gadang' in Padang, 'Borobudur Temple' -that had been awarded as one of the seven wonders in the world- in Yogyakarta, 'Rumah Honai' -the indigenous' house- in Papua, and so on. Government should not spend much money to build a new one. They can utilize the old building and do some improvements to make it better. If it can be a tourist attraction, it will give a benefit in tourism that increase the local economy.

Finally, it depends on the need of a country. Therefore, instead of spending much money to make a majestic building, it will be better if the government can manage the finance wisely by giving more priority to the other urgent things such us developing the schools and health service centres.
ashelarisa48   
Aug 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Traveling is a favoured lifestyle today, but we need to be aware that visited places suffer from it [3]

Hello everyone! ^^
Please kindly help me to fix my writing (IELTS task 2). I usually have a problem in task response of IELTS writing.
Do you think my explanation has answered the questions? I'll wait for your feedback.

Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?

Traveling has been a lifestyle which is more favoured today. Most of people, both young and old, do like to travel especially going to a famous destination. No wonder that people generally need to have an enjoyable time or a different experience after doing many tiring activities day after day. Furthermore, information about a great place for holiday can be accessed easily. It also makes tourism business is growing quickly so and giving some benefits for the local economy. However, some people argue that the tourists can give some bad impacts to the place that they visit to.

In my opinion, it is really true that the holiday's area can get some disadvantages because of tourism activities. Public sometimes watch on the TV about a national news showing some facts about tourists' bad habits that damage the environment around the tourist attraction. People can see so much rubbish defiling the beaches, the plants and flowers picked by the visitors, the tourists eat and drink then throwing its trash carelessly and many other things that can harm the environment.

Moreover, the visitors sometimes have no attention about the local culture in the vacation place. For instance, they make a party that making much noise and disturbing the local, they are kissing casually in front of public (as we know this is unusual manner in some east countries) or even they dress up unseemly. Certainly, slow but sure it cause a cultural shift and make the local influenced by foreign cultures.

Therefore, it is important to the tourists to look for information about the destination place before visiting them. They have to learn first about what they can do and what they can not do in the vacation area, also try to adapt with the local cultures. Besides that, they have to keep the environmental cleanliness and not to ruin the beautiful creatures around the tourist attraction, indeed.
ashelarisa48   
Aug 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tourism brings negative effects on local cultures like moral degradation and ecosystem destruction [4]

Hai Eka! Nice to read your thread! I am trying to give some feedback for your essay.
Actually, you did it well, it is just a little error in gramatical, but overall I think you have answered what the questions ask.

tourism has become a global industry where there are that makes a lot of companies ...
... some negative effects on the local cultures such as moral ...

... they might face a cultural interaction.

In conclusion, people are easier to make a holiday over the sea travel around the world ...

Keep writing, Eka! ^^
ashelarisa48   
Aug 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Every conversation has potential to develop into pro and contra - politic or other sensitive topics [5]

Hai Ramzi, I am gonna try to give some feedback.

This world that we live in, this world which every conversation has potential to ...--> I think you should simplify this sentence so that the reader can understand easier.

Research study shows that 10 thousands people in america ...

We are less likely to compromise which means we are not listening each other and we are making decisions based on what we belief.
(It will be better if we decrease to use 'we' in academic writing. Try to use 'people', 'some people', to make it more general)

A conversation needs balance between talking and listening.

Teenagers in USA are more likely prefer to send text messages rather than to talk to each other which makes teacher feeling failed to teach communication skill.

You have to pay more attention to countable and uncountable noun, also to verb and adjective. (Ex : fail = verb, failed = adjective)

Hope it helps, keep writing! ^^
ashelarisa48   
Aug 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The two conventional techniques to take the water to be flowed into the farmlands. [2]

The diagrams below show two methods of collecting water for irrigation purposes.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The diagrams give information about two conventional techniques to take the water to be flowed into the farmlands.
The first method called 'swing basket'. It needs some equipments that are two long strong ropes and a basket made of bamboo or leather. To get the water, the basket must be tied in the centre of ropes, then the ropes are held by two persons in each point. This way can be used to reach the water in 1 - 2 metres depth.

The second technique is named 'rope and bucket'. It needs pulley, rollers and bucket as the equipments. It also use the strength of an ox to take up the water. The ox is placed in the slope that the body is banded with the pulley. Because of the power of the ox and the gravitation of the sloping plains, the water can be gained even in 50 metres depth. By these methods, there are three main differences that are the equipments needed, the depth can be reached and the power sources to get the water.




ashelarisa48   
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learning a country by visiting it (IELTS task 2); "the only source of knowledge is experience" [3]

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you can not learn by watching programmes and films about it?

Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience.


People know that television shows and films can give much knowledge about many things, one of them is about another country. Consequently, some people argue that they can learn more about the country by watching it than visiting it. It might be true but I have a different side to respond this view.

In my opinion, visiting a place can increase the knowledge about it more than only watching it on TV or films. Learning more about a country can be gained when people can also 'experience' it than only 'know' it. Learning process, if I define, should involve all of human senses. When people are watching news about a place, they only use two senses that are vision and hearing. It will be different if they visit it.

I believe that many things will be missed if they do not travel around the country even want to know more about a country only by watching it. For instance, when they watch a documentary video about indigenous people in a rural area of Sumatera Island, exactly they 'know' it, but if they visit straight to the place, they can feel more. They will learn to adapt with the local culture, try to follow their lifestyle, also sense the atmosphere. Other example, when they travel to India and see Taj Mahal, they can feel the greatness of the building, how exactly the size and the height. However, it is only looked small as a size of television's screen if they see it on television. Also, in my experience, I ever expected that Komodo, an endemic animal of Indonesia, had a slow movement and was looked tame when it was shown on TV although it gave the facts that Komodo has a fast movement and prey the target quickly. However, I could not think it was horrible until I visited Komodo Island and saw it directly.

For sure, let me quote the words of Einstein that said,"the only source of knowledge is experience". The more you experience, the more you learn. Believe or not, visiting another country will give an amazing learning that can not be aquired by only watching.
ashelarisa48   
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of Travelling in the Ancient Ruins in Peru. [5]

Hello, let me try to give some feedback. Here we go.

Since Archeologist Hiram Bingham founded found it in 1911,

Machu Picchu were famous of travelers. in the travelers' world.

All the building of site is built from out of hard stone precisely. (Check the collocation of 'build' in BBI dictionary, it can help you to find the appropriate words)

The wonders building nearby city of Cuzco ... => The wonderful building is close to the city of Cuzco around.......
(You need to add the main verb in this sentence because it does not have the main verb)

... offered a luxury trip and memorable a memorable experience.

Hope it helps..
ashelarisa48   
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / People experience problems while living abroad, especially those in the middle age (35 - 54) [6]

The chart illustrates the percentage of people living abroad that experience integration problems grouped by their age. It mentions there are three main problems faced by the newcomer which are sorting out finances, sorting out healthcare and finding schools for children.

Overall, the highest number of people who get difficult on all these problems is experienced by the people in the middle age (35 - 54 years old) compared with the younger (18 - 34 years old) and the older (over 55 years old), that have 37 percent at sorting out healthcare, 35 percent at sorting out finances and 19 percent at finding schools for children. People over 55 years old have the lowest number in finding schools for their children at around 3 percent, also they get the smallest percentage compared with the other age in sorting out finances at under 30 pecent. In sorting out healthcare, the young people give the smallest percentage at around 33 percent.




ashelarisa48   
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article Children : Leave them Alone [5]

Dear Ida, this is a bit correction in your essay. Hope it helps.

Alison Gopnik is a developmental psychologist andalso a writer and Paula Flass is a social historian.
Two of them agree that parent should not be overprotective"over-parent" or manage their children too details.

Gopnik wrote in her book, The Gardener and the Carpenter, and told people that "parent should be acting aslike gardeners, tending young ...
ashelarisa48   
Aug 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / What is ecotourism? It knows the importance of environmental preservation - summary task2 [2]

Hello Rosa! I try to give you a different variation to write paragraph one. Hope it helps.

Ecotourism is an environmentally responsible travel to the nature ... ---->>> Ecotourism is a kind of tourism that brings the tourists to visit a green area and introduces them the importance of environmental preservation, so that they have a responsibility to the environment around the tourist attraction.

A various types of ecotourism includes visit visiting the national park, (...) and even become becoming a volunteer at ... (it should not be two main verb in a sentence, so you can change the form as 'gerund' form)

... through wilderness area is are not a part of green movement.

keep writing! ^^
ashelarisa48   
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The advanced technology in food production has made them produced fastly with many additives. [3]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?


Unhealthy lifestyle, especially in food, has affected many children to consume poor food. The advanced technology in food production has made some foods produced fastly with many additives. Certainly, both schools and parents have responsibility to prevent this case. Besides that, two other parties that have to control it are government and food industry.

Children age is a stage of human life that they can not distinguish a good and bad thing yet. Their thought is still immature to decide on something. Therefore, they are easier to choose some unhealthy meals to eat even though it consists of additives such as flavouring, colouring and artificial sweeteners.

These four groups -government, food industry, schools and parents- have to pay more attention to solve this problem together but appropriate with each role. Government, as the first power of a country, have to supervise the food manufacture and make a regulation about the food production. They have to ban unhealthy food distribution. The food factory should produce a healthy product, not only notice to the taste but also care about the nutrition. Schools should provide a sanitary canteen for student and deliver the information about health food regularly. Then, one that also important is the parent's role to take care of their children's meal such as preparing a healthy lunchbox and teaching them to be aware in the risk of unhealthy food consumption.

In conclusion, all parties have to take action to face this case start from now. If these four elements work together to prevent it, the children will be protected by unhealthy lifestyle.
ashelarisa48   
Aug 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / School and parent, two important things that influence character of children [5]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Being kind and good citizen of society should be taught since children age. Some people believe that is the parent's responsibility while others tell it has to be learnt in school. In my view, these environments, school and family equally have an important role to build their children's character.

Children is a hope for a nation's future. It is essential to form a good personality for them in order to be a useful people in their society. To make it happens, school and parent have to co-operate each other. They have to take action to avoid the bad influences happened to children. As we know, two places that children spend their time most at are school and home. Children usually study at school about 8 - 10 hours a day. After that, they go home and gather with their family. Therefore, school and family give a big influence to children.

So, what can parent and school do to build a good character for their children? First, the parent have to be a good role model for them, teach them what should do and what should not do, how to act polite and friendly, also helpful to others. Family is the first place to learn something. Everything always starts from home.

Next, teachers in school can facilitate their student to make a good habit such as coming to school on time, behaving discipline, loving their friends and so on. Headmaster can also make some regulations to support their character building such as making a reading programme before starting the class about 15 minutes, obligating the student to bring a healthy lunchbox everyday, gardening time on Saturday, parental meeting, and so on. By parental meeting, school and parents can communicate each other and discuss about their children.

To conclude, school and parents should care and act together to give the best education for their children, in order to build their character and create them to be the best generation in future. Certainly, it should be done together in collaboration.
ashelarisa48   
Aug 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / From the egg to the moth transformation / "TWIST" as one of the stages of silk-cloth's production [2]

These diagrams illustrate the silkworm's life cycle and the process of silk-cloth's production.

The life cycle of the silkworm starts while the adult silkworm produces eggs. After ten days later, the egg transforms to be a larva. The larva eats mulberry leaf as their food. On the next 4 - 6 weeks, the larva produces silk thread, then changes to be a cocoon after passing 3 - 8 days. It will be a moth after 16 days passing the cocoon age and be able to produce the egg. This perfect metamorphosis needs total time about one and a half month from the egg to be the moth.

Moving on the process of silk cloth, firstly, it is named 'selection stage'. The best silk is selected and to be 'boiled' in the water. After that, the silk is 'unwinded' for a while. It makes the silk has 300 - 900 metres thread. The next stage is called 'twist'. The silk is twisted, then it is dyed. The last, the silk is ready to be weaved.






ashelarisa48   
Aug 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary : the mission to find the world's rarest cat in jungles of Java [4]

Well done, Miss Dhila! :) this is a little correction from me.

This essay is a summary of an article was written by Chelsea white.

The original title is "the a mission to find the ...

It uses their paws to grab fish ...

Java fishing cat has been a specific track and we ...

... and the destiny of subspecies is are unidentified.

The fishing cat research indicates that the part of rare ...

... final Giordano's expedition, that he has focused to find on the evidence of Java fishing ...
ashelarisa48   
Aug 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The events of 2016 may seem bleak, but the study of history offers some context [4]

These are my correction, hope it helps..

This is a summary of a n article is written by Paul Lay ...

... reasonable, because there many ugly bad incident .... ----> I think it'd be better to use bad than ugly, maybe you can check the collocation.

... in the history when continentworld's population was death over a three-year period and destroyed systematically Asian's people.

However, that statement is not generally true because ...

Well done, Miss Dhila! Keep writing!
ashelarisa48   
Aug 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / In many countries of the world few people earn extremely high salary [8]

Hello sinchana, nice to see you in this essay forum :)
Here is my correction for you.

... con's of this approach and provides a balanced opinion.

... essential for the administration of any a country, to ...

Sorry if I just give a little feedback. Actually, as a reader, I found it was so hard to understand your point in your writing. Therefore, it will be better if you can simplify the way you write it. Good luck sinchana, keep writing..
ashelarisa48   
Aug 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'Find time for yourself' - The Way To Have Healthy Lifestyle essay - Task 2 [6]

... people do not have a lot of times ...
... although do not have enough times to do it.

Right now, many people who have jobs a job which need much times to be finished so that...

They spend most of their times in the workplace and comes home late.

By cycling to the workplace means that they are exercising. People also can do exercise in the workplace.

For instance, they can do push up or sit up while ...

It does not matter if they only do a little exercise like walking, running, or cycling ...

... help them to have a better lifestyle.

[b]Well done, Idaaa! keep writing!!
^^
[/b]

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