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Posts by David54
Name: David Tambunan
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 6, 2016
Threads: 15
Posts: 22  
Likes: 1
From: Indonesia
School: Bina Nusantara University

Displayed posts: 37
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David54   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article_Your Birth Control Pill Might Raise Your Depression Risk [2]

A research in Denmark conducts a study for more than 1 million women and adolescent girls about their birth control. As the result, It shows that birth control has effect which is related with mood. Such as, pills and other types of contraception, which are potentially increasing the risk of depression. Furthermore, scientists from university of Copenhagen also have been performed a research for more than 1 million women ages between 15 and 34, based on two groups, users and nonusers of hormonal contraceptives. As the result, they found that women who using combination of contraception were likely to have been prescribed an antidepressant, so it makes the risk more high rather than nonusers. Therefore, this knowledge is important for women, in particular teenage girls to know about factors that related to this problem. And doctors also should have to socialize about this potential risk for their patient.
David54   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: One of two lions that escaped from an enclosure in Leipzig zoo in Germany [4]

Hallo,

There are several correction for you,

...in Leipzig zoo in Germany that is damaging the fence and jump out....
...another lion that is in the outside of cagethe enclosure should be shot (...) personal safety had to takehas to be a priority....
... returning one of the lions after three hours later with the ...
David54   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article_5 ways to stay mentally strong when you are stressed [3]

The problems of life are one of the main factor causing stress either at home or in the workplace. There are five ways to keep our mind stay healthy that we have to remember. Firstly, always think that all problems we facing every day are only temporary. So, feeling will be better than before. Secondly, place your position as an observer if you have had a problem to get some viewpoint in that situation. Thirdly, sometimes a tiny matter is a perfect way to reduce nerves, such as breathe deeply, do it slowly with full concentrating. In addition, when you are in horrible situation that makes you feeling down, always remember about your successful event that you have achieved well. This is very effective to boost your mood. The other great way to keep you healthy is doing exercise regularly. For instance, ride a bike or cook a food that suitable with your hobbies.
David54   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / A small country with big ideas - Costarica [6]

Hallo bro,

There are several correction for you,

Costarica is one of developing country which ...
..It country have nearly five million people.
... but this resource did not generatedelectrical power for themfor their electrity because they focusit focusly to supply thetheir electricity transportation ...
..So that their they can produce power to their cars, ...
David54   
Sep 29, 2016
Undergraduate / Transfer common app essay. I'm a freshman in community college and looking for transfer to UMass [7]

Hallo,

There are several correction for you,

...Math and Science hashave always been my strength since in middle school,...
...When I was in middle school, I alwayshave dreamed about...
...I was oneOne step closer to my dream, when I (...) attended a high school here infor two years....
... internet and teachers, I decided to becomefor becoming engineering technologist...
David54   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article_Unsafe Air-Pollution Levels Affect 9 in 10 People Globally [2]

A new report is released by the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 90% of the world's population areas are contaminated with pollution within unsafe stage. As the result, in 2012 there is more than 6 million people died due to illness related to air pollution. In some countries, such as Africa, Asia and the Middle East, found that are getting worst pollution. This matter continues to increase in line with economic, industrial growth and rise of car ownership. It also has impact for low and middle-income countries, where there is 90% of global death occurred. However, not every countries that have high-income are free from this problem. Around 15% of cities in the America and more than 60% of cities in Europe do not meet the WHO standards. On the other hand, scientist also found that air pollution able to affect everything that related with pregnancy to brain functions.
David54   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article_Happy People Make Their Spouses Healthier [3]

Currently, there is a new study about why people whose partner are happier likely to be healthy. 2000 married couples are being respondent over six years, from 2006 until 2012 and found that people who are informed a happier spouses also noticed have feeling better. The reasons why these might be happened. Firstly, a happy spouse will take care their partner carefully. Secondly, husband or wife with positive sensation is more getting comfortable to do their activities well, such as eat better, exercise regularly, sleep on time, and doing other constructive things in near future. This reason is strengthened by Bill Chopik, an associate psychology professor at Michigan State university, who said "happy people drag their spouses out of bed to go exercise, and they encourage them to eat healthier". Moreover, happy pairs make their relationship enjoyable to avoid their partner feel stress so it can improve the health of their lover. This study generates an output that the effect is available for wives and husbands, so sharing love is a great way to keep healthy.
David54   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUMMARY TED 3 of Patti Dobrowolski - how to reach a dream [5]

... to pursue everything theytheir desire, to make it true....
..Draw a picture atIt reflects our current condition and draw a picture atdescribes a place where (...) can cause a movement, canable tounite the nationunited nations ,....

..it activates the use of our right brain which is connecting with feel ...
... happy of the possibility to reachachieve their goals,..
David54   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentages of Bulgarian people who wished to live abroad [5]

Hallo

There are some correction for you,

The given bar chart gives (...) people who are wished to live....
...In 2002, secondary education reached at 65 % of people...
...The next four years, it looked decrease at 4 % than its (...) then becamereached a peak of 59 percent at the end of 2008...
...it remains the highest level of ...
... education tended to love to other countries in 2002....
David54   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Brain has carrot and stick to teach us how to behave [3]

Hallo,

There are several correction for you,

...there is a hub in the brain that doles outdistribute rewards and punishments ...
We can imagine, for instance, when we (...) then our brain givesuntidy responses an untidy ...
David54   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TED) What Islam Really Says About Women: Alaa Murabit [4]

Hallo,

There are several correction for you,

In globalizedglobalization era,.....
...As a young Libyan Muslim woman,...
...She said that nowadays religiousreligion institutions are dominated and led by men and only driven by male leadership ....
...From Alaa Murabit point of viewperspective , "why we were not we learning about her?..
David54   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED_How mobile phones can fight poverty [3]

Iqbal Quadir, as founder of Grameen Phone, a commercial telecom services company. In 1971, as a child who grew in Bangladesh, he had to walk half a day to another village to find the doctor and he was not there. Several years later he felt the same frustration while working at a New York bank as an investment banker, using floppy disks to share information during a computer network break down. Finally, he found an idea of both cases, connectivity is productivity. Partnering with microcredit pioneer Grameen Bank then he establishing Grameen Phone, a wireless operator now offering phone services to 80 million in rural Bangladeshi. There are three impact of phones, Quadir said. "They provide business opportunities, connect the village to the world, and generate over time a culture of entrepreneurship, which is crucial for any economic development."
David54   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article_Eating Junk Food Changes Your Cravings [3]

Fast food not only causes you boring to eat other cuisine, but also it does not make you fat. According to Margaret Morris, professor at the university of New South Wales, said that "Western cuisine can change the way of the brain's reactions". They made a conclusion that it's may offer people to overeating if they do not remember what they just ate, they will still continue eat. Therefore they made a research for several rats, there were 2 groups of rats were fed in different meals for two weeks. One group was fed healthy food whereas the other group was fed read meal, such as cookies, dumplings, and cake. After two weeks, they found that the rats was fed Junk food became tallow and more waery. Overall this studies are not implement to humans, and research is want to know whether sensory or memory is disrupted in obese people. But, to avoid those risks early, people may have to concern skipping the fast food.
David54   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / From long time ago the ancient society strived to find out something to communicate with one another [4]

Hallo,

There are little correction for you,

... speaking in this era ,by since a long time ago, the ancient society sthrivedstruggle to find out something thatfor be able to communicate with each other. At theF inally, they did it.

... on writing and speaking are there , such as Ancient Summarians, Ancient Chinese,and Ancient Maya...
The Ancient Summarians, theywas developed it around 3000 B.C.
David54   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY: LIDIA YUKNAVITCH TALK ABOUT HER MISFIT STORY [5]

Hallo,

There are several correction for you,

" Lidia Yuknavitch is a card - carrying misfit"(Lidia Yuknavitch is a card? what it's means?) ...

She is a womanwho had a messed up life whichand has ais dreams to be a writer. She flew away to New York, known as the city of writers....

...They brought introduce her to the three of big publishers.....
She just came back to Oregon and justtrytried her best....
David54   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY: LIDIA YUKNAVITCH TALK ABOUT HER MISFIT STORY [5]

Hallo,

There are several correction for you,

" Lidia Yuknavitch is a card - carrying misfit"(Lidia Yuknavitch is a card? what it's means?) .

She is a woman who had a messed up life whichand has ais dreams to be a writer. She flew away to New York,known as the city of writers....

...They broughtintroduce her to the three of big publishers.....
She just came back to Oregon and just try her best at there ...
David54   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tourism as a remedium for peace between people? [4]

Summary TED_For more tolerance we need tourism

This video stories about a man who has tried to change the world with tourism, his name is Aziz Abu Sarah. This started when he was seven years old, watching television and seeing people throwing rocks is fun thing to do that he thought at the moment. Moreover, he has brother who was arrested when he was 18, got jail because of throwing stones. As a result, his brother had internal injuries that caused him death soon after went out from jail. When his brother was death, he felt angry and want to gave revenge. But all of it was changed when he was 18 years old and decided that he was going to study Hebrew in their classroom. It was the first time he ever met Jews who were civilians, and they have similar perspective in small things. As time goes by, he realized there are barriers that divides the Palestina and the Israel. And therefore, he decided to demolish the walls that separate people through many ways. Tourism is one of them, but also media and education. He think that tourism is the great way of connecting people and making friendships.
David54   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Color blind or color brave - the summary on the racial discrimination in the USA [2]

Hallo Jawa,

There is a little correction for you,

In the United State( US) , black people often experienced get a racial discrimination formfrom the white ones...
...Several years ago, When she was a small child,...
...Furthermore, not only Mellody Hobson,but also most black people also felt the same circumstances....
David54   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are several factors for people to move around and it have advantages and also disadvantages. [3]

Hallo mem77,

There are several correction for you,

Nowa days, people have to live in a several ...
... people to move around and also it hashave advantages and disadvantages also .
What is moreMoreover , I think the most advantage ...
...As a contrastOn the other hand , if we meet person from western,....
...As suchSuch as , move to other places can....
David54   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Few Things to Do Before International Travel - summary with some tips for planning a trip [4]

There are some tips to do before you are going to plan your trip. The first, you need to check your passport and visa requirements. Ensure that your passport still available, at least 6 months before expiry when you are going to travel overseas. The second, you have to photocopy and scan important documents which is very important when you get lost your identity, such as passport, visa, travel itinerary, etc. The third, check your medical. Some foreign country require specific medical examination. The fourth, having travel insurance. You should to obtain travel insurance if you want to get travel's permit. It is quite cheap and covers everything about medical bills, lost luggage and stolen valuables. Next, classify your money currency. You have to check the currency of the state which you want to travel to predict you expense while you have been there. The last, the vital things you have to do is make a budget. Ensure that you make a detail of your purchases, include your daily food and other small item.
David54   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / ZOO IS IMPORTANT PLACE YOU HAVE TO KNOW [6]

Hallo VK WSSH,

There are several correction for you,

A zoo had has been an interesting place ...
...it is need to save wild animals,so children can study ...

... it cause zoo can be animal conservation (this sentence is not clear) ....
...For instantinstance , there is many certain animals....
... it is necessary to rescue most of wild species....
...In conclusion, people should know how big important a zoo isa zoo is very important .....
David54   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article_Grit: The power of passion and perseverance [2]

Angela Lee Duckworth, was 27 years old when deciding to left her job in management consulting for a job that she loved, as a teacher. After several more years of teaching, she decided to educate students from a psychological perspective. So she left her job and went to graduate school to become a psychologist. Afterwards she join with her research team in Military Academy, trying to predict which cadets were selected, and they partnered with private companies to find other research. Finally they found one characteristic as a significant indicator of success. And it was not social intelligence, good looks, physical health, and IQ. It was grit. Grit is passion and perseverance for very long term goals. Grit is working really hard to make your dream comes true, not for a day, a week, a month, but for years.
David54   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The shown line graph indicates the readers' changes of Starmouth School library [3]

Hallo,

There are several correction,

...The shown line graph indicates...
...according to how many books already read over four years period...
...The readers are grouped intobased on gender identity...
...both of male and female readers are in accordance...
...UntilI n 2011, they intersect.
David54   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article : These Are the Forgotten Victims of the West's Drought [4]

Andika08,

Just a little correction for you,

..Last summer in Nevada....
..It becamebecomes changed the environment... Suddenly,the next season there was snowfall in next seasonlast winter . Many people thinksjust in California has been happened a disaster but in Nevada it was also occured in Nevada .
David54   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learning a tonal language like Chinese is tricky, however there's a new tool.. [5]

Summary Article_From autism to Chinese, a headset to help you with your language

Learning a tonal language like Chinese is tricky. There was a system, created for people with autism who want help with social interactions, but it could be adapted to help with speech or anxiety problems - or even language learning. This system is designed by part of the team, says Lou Anne Boyd at the University of California at Irvine. It is called SayWAT, it gives real time feedback via Google Glass to user when they are speaking quiet loudly or in a moderate tone. This system was tested to fourteen autistic adults which has feedback in different effect because pitch is more complicated and might necessary more specific response, said Boyd. Some autistic people do not wish to change the way they interact, even though for others, the technology seems to fill necessary.
David54   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Talent or ability doesn't make courageous. IQ factor and children's intelligence. [3]

Hii Gon10,,

Just a little correction,

... years about factor that cause affect of children's intelligence. Most of them belie ve that the greatest ...
However, the differences between excel lent student and under student is not only about IQ factor . S ome of intelligent student...
.... grit is usually unrele ated or even conversely ...
... Dr. Dweck has shown that when kids children read and learn ...
David54   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Education Is the Key to Breaking the Cycle of Violence - Summary article [3]

"School should be on the front lines of peace, not war". Forest Whitetaker, an actor and UNESCO special envoy, and Irina Bokova, Director-General of UNESCO, they said. This article stories about their experience in Sudan, two years ago when they crossed south Sudan together and saw the impact of conflict on school education. Nowdays, education is vital role which is takes leading role of government to educate people to nurture peace. To tackle this case, government must commit to protect schools and universities and not use them for military purposes. On the other hand, government is responsible to support education system that reach out to all groups and teach about human rights to all societies. In the end, hopefully the power of education may give peace to young minds, provide a sense of safety, normal life and dreams.
David54   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / White Gulls Dependent On Ice Are Disappearing From The Arctic [4]

Hallo Andika,

There are several correction for you,
..there are also rare animals also .
...Based on a data from Claude Joiris of from the Royal Belgian ...
... six times every year,before especially in 2007. It was because of changing the environment changing ......
... must be avail able...
However, others impacts...
David54   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / "Reasons for study" four out of five people under 26 take part in courses because of job opportunity [3]

Hallo Windvalley,

There are a little corrective,
...majority of young people study because of careerthey want to have career improvement ....
...four out of five people under 26 was took a take part in courses because of job opportunAs regards the age group of 30-39, twice ...as many as participants in the survey said that their studying motivation mostly related to their career than preference....

...If we looked at the age group over 49....
...they prefer studying because of hobby rather than work....
David54   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Your health depends on where you live - from the TED summary [3]

At the beginning of the talks, Bill Davenhall, a Health and Human Services Expert talked about his experience in a hospital in an intensive-care ward because of heart attack. And sharing about formula for life and good health. There are several factors such as genetics, lifestyle and environment which potentially risk to our health. Environment is the factor which people doesn't realize that has potential risk. For instance, there are many vehicles in the big city that produces a lot of toxic in the air, like carbon dioxide. Moreover, for people who work in oil company which located in oil refinery area. It is produce an extremely toxic, such as methane gas. Based on those cases, so he decided to make a healthcare system called geomedicine that contain information about place history record and geographic information which is useful for future doctor to get patient medical record.
David54   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Multiple outdoor and indoor activities - The purpose of all tourists visiting New Zealand [2]

Kiki,

There are a little correction,
... purposes of all tourists visiting New Zealand and is measured in percent .
There are two types of holidaymaker have reasons why visiting New Zealand, those are..
...and riding a boat...
...Having an experiment to ride a boat is the third (...) and has a 5 percent margin..
David54   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most Violent Crimes Are Wrongly Linked to Mental Illness - Summary article [3]

Many news talks about person who has mental health problem was responsible to violence. However, the fact that most people with mental illness are never violent. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), people with mental disorder are more than 10 times more likely to be victims of violent crimes than general people. On the other hand, researchers from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health also publish an articles about mental illness that were published over two decades, from 1994 to 2014, which states that mental illness and violence toward other people close to 40% said mental illness can increase the risk of violence and only 8% wrote that most people with mental illness are not violent. So these case is still make controversy between the study author and the researcher.
David54   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED: How Childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime [2]

Heart disease and lung cancer are several of leading causes of death in the United States. Folks who are exposed in very high doses have triple the lifetime risk of heart disease and lung cancer. Nowdays,the exposure is not a pesticide or a chemical packaging but its because childhood trauma. Such as growing up with a parent who struggles with mental illness or substance dependence. Mostly those trauma causes by physical (physical or emotional neglect), emotional (parental mental illness), or sexual abuse (divorce; or domestic violence) and many other cases. So, The single most important thing that we need today is our responsibilities to keep our body stay healthy with always keep good relationship in neighborhood and family, especially for our children in the future. Also government role is really important and necessary to educate society in underdeveloped regions.
David54   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / "Big Families May Be The Best Way to Avoid Divorce" [5]

Happy family is one of people's desire, especially for people who are getting marriage and have a big family. But it is not easy as we know. Sometimes people can not keep their marital status and finally their getting divorce in the end of time. There are various factors that cause a divorce, such as socioeconomic status and age at marriage. In the latest research presented by the American Sociological Association, There are many factors that play into divorce, scientists from Ohio State found that the more siblings you have, the lower you risk of getting divorced as an adult. On the other hand, researched by Doug Downey, a professor of sociology at The Ohio State University, saids growing up in a family with siblings, we will develop a set of skills for negotiating both negative and positive interaction, consider other people's points of view and learn solve problems. In conclusion, more siblings have positive impact for successful marriages.
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