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Posts by rizaldohabibie [Suspended]
Name: Rizaldo Maulana Habibie
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Sep 29, 2016
Threads: 19
Posts: 35  
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From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 54 / page 1 of 2
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rizaldohabibie   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / The untold harm of logging to the environment by distracting both terrestrial and aquatic life forms [NEW]

The logging industry, which supplies the raw materials for a large number of products, potentially has untold harm to the environment enormously distracting both terrestrial and aquatic life forms.

Trees protect the soil beneath used by an array of habitats, defend surface run-off by intercepting heavy rainfall to drip down, and stabilize the soil to prevent erosion.

The logging-related soil damage, such as furrows created by heavy equipment compressing the spongy soil, disrupts the underground water flow leaving an infertile layer. Furthermore, logging also damage aquatic life in which it obliterates the function of vegetation to maintain a steady water flow along the rivers leading to the oxygen depletion in the water killing fish and others. Trees fells keep the pollutants airborne as they cut the circle of plant respiration so that these mix with water vapor and form acid rain. Deforestation affects rainfall patterns resulting in flooding as well as drought and forest fires.

Forest is a vital natural resource containing wildlife habitats and biodiversity that shall be protected from disrupting logging practice.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Police and Crime Prevention, a perspective opinion [2]

I found this essay easy to understand. here is my suggestion:

in their cities[.]because the job of polices are to catch criminals -> too much explanation
AndBesides , polices must also... -> avoid and for the beginning of the sentence

I hope it quiet helps.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Birds generally travel to higher latitudes of the Northern Hemisphere to breed during a warm seasons [2]

essay writing Task 2: Bird Migration

Various species of animals migrate in order to inhabit areas which are suitable for their biological imperative but the renowned type for observers for centuries is bird migrations.

Birds generally travel to higher latitudes of the Northern Hemisphere to breed during the warm season continued to the lower latitudes during the non-breeding period. However, the species of seabirds migrate to the Southern Hemisphere to reproduce and some other species are trans-equatorial which live in the Northern Hemisphere during the breeding then spending the rest of the year in Southern Hemisphere. Many grouse species such as ptarmigan, in addition, exhibit altitudinal migration because their breeding areas are in higher elevations while their non-breeding area is nearby low country. Birds have methods practiced in order to migrate -flying for a limited period each day and undertaking much longer flights- which need a perfect measurement for their body weight to fuel the journey and they have navigation ability which is usually separated relying on the innate drive that involves nocturnal and diurnal migrants.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / White Gulls Dependent On Ice Are Disappearing From The Arctic [4]

your essay is quite good with easy understandable structures. I have some suggestions for you in order to enhance it.

gull populationshas decreasing six times
>> the noun phrase of populations is plural so it should be followed by have and the verb decreasing should be past participle [decreased]

Factors affecting the birds can survived [survive]
>> pay attention to the modal which ...

I hope it will encourage your next essays, thank you.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / As we attempt to focus, the whole other areas has less brightness and we tolerate the blur [2]

IELTS writing 3: Peripheral vision in Sports

When we carefully notice that as we attempt to focus, the whole other areas of sight is indistinct and we unconsciously tolerate the blur. This peripheral vision, for athletes, is such an imperative aspect to keep track while performing physical manoeuvres and to detect all kinds of motions from every angle.

As professional athletes, their body must response the surroundings while the head motion must coordinate eye movement in balance with rapid scanning whose focus changes rapidly. The environment, furthermore, contributes to athletes' sense of peripheral concentration such as the visual contrast of facilities and non-confusing colour combination of the uniforms. The visual tracking errors can occur when the athlete's attention is distracted causing the indiscernible pause which makes the period accumulation of blinking to be out from the normal time of every minutes that had been calculated. These non-visual moments can be rather compensated if athletes thoroughly tune into the game, and in additional time, they can learn and practice art to serve them better.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Go a head, make up new words (Erin McKean) - Summary from TED [3]

your essay is brief enough to understand. here some thoughts for you.

Mean while >> meanwhile
Some group of people was agreed the communication >> it should be active sentence

I hope it helps.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The leisure time in some outdoor activities is the most favourable method to relax the body and mind [2]

IELTS writing task 1: Uses of Leisure Time

Researches show that the accumulation of leisure time and the total of the stress and obesity are imbalance and it reveals that the time spending for restoring body and mind is ineffective as it must.

The most favourable method to relax the body is spending time in nature to enjoy the freshness but the condition nowadays is a hindrance because the life is centred in to the city which has high degree of emotions and intellectual disturbance. Most of people are trapped into the passive pastimes which they just watch television, use the Internet, and do shopping and it will negatively affected the life of children in the city that they have not had enough time to experience the nature surrounding.

Overall, from the average data of society having day off, many countries addressed to engage in much vacation time but only some of them get a satisfied leisure time in the outdoor activities.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Home-schooling: A Way to Educate Children or Seclude Them? [3]

hay.
your essay is good.
however, I would like to give some suggestion for it.

Education is a crucial key for getting[to get] better lives[life] and giving[to give] people to broaden their [broad] horizon and skills.
>> the using of ' for' is better replaced by 'to' and it is automatically followed by to infinitive after compound sentence (and)
>> the using of 'to broaden' seems a bit strange, so I suggest it to become a noun phrase together with horizon and skills.

I hope it helps.. thanks..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people believe, that drink milk and eat chicken soup can heal the cold. [3]

hi..
it is a good essay.
then, I want to give some advice.

Some people believe[,] that drink
common in cold weather[,] where human's
>> you do not need any comma there

The wrong way of people's thinkingthat people think to avoid this ill, is stick together
>> you have to make it short but it is still constructed by a good complex sentence

thank you..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Casting a light was a tricky business - utilized flames had to be applied into moving vehicles [3]

IELTS writing summary: First Headlamps

Before electricity was found, casting a light was a tricky business in which it just utilised flames to be applied into moving vehicles and the early trains travelled during the day due to the risk of the night.

The condition of the high railroad traffic in the late 1830s puzzled the schedule of train departures. Hence, the invention of headlamp was running after the "Track illuminator", in 1831, was invented. This invention was continued by many inventors until in 1851, the first electric headlamp was developed yet those were still with some drawbacks.

Train first became perfectly equipped with a battery-powered electric headlamp by Russia. French, afterwards, was the first which used steam generators to power the electric headlamps and it was followed by United States whose headlamps developed in 1897 and federal law required trains to have electric headlamps in 1916.

Automobiles, at the time, needed headlamps as well that the requirements were more stringent than those for trains and the Columbia Electric Car was equipped by headlamps in 1898. In almost all, despite all of difficulties in the invention, we just take it for granted today.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / I'm industrious person who'll achieve 6.5 Band,EILTS Writing 3 - First Headlamps [3]

hi..
I want to thank you about your suggestion before.
as well as your advice, I would like to give some inputs into your essay.

Even thought, there are[were] several imperfectionsnamely: [which are] easily extinguished and ...
>> it is a past tense, isn't it? so you should use 'were'
>> several, in your sentence, shows the total of the noun more than one, then you should give 's'
>> the word 'namely' can be changed into adjective clause

I hope we both will give more feedback in our next essays..
thanks..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ways of Bird Migration - it has fascinated many observers for centuries. [4]

hi..
is quite understanable essay..
however, i would give some suggestions..

Many tipes[types] and ways of animals for[to] migrate,
>> 'tipes' perhaps you were not aware about it
>> migrate is verb so the word before it should be to infinitive

I hope it helps
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Instrument that we always hear everyday and everytime is the human voice [3]

hi..
It is a good essay of yours.
I have some suggestion..

But[However,] a lot of the situations where the time to talk [to] others do not listen[is not listened] .
>> It will be more formal when you do not use 'but' as the firts sentence opener. You can use however, nevertheless, etc
>> be aware of passive voice

thanks..
I hope it helps..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / One of the major public transportation in Europe refers to subway. The first one was opened in 1863 [3]

That is a quite understandable essay.
However, I would give some suggestions..

Transportation is a vital aspect [for] numerous modern big cities.
... transportation in Europe refers to[is] subway.
>> you need preposition (for) to divide the noun phrase
>> in my opinion, 'refers to' in this sentence is a little bit strange, then probably you can change it into linking verb (is)

the station with myriad of artworks,
>> 'myriad' is adjective. Hence, you should make it to the noun phrase
or
if you still want to make 'myriad' as a noun, then you should give 'a' in front of it (a myriad of artworks)

thank you..
I hope it helps..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / A history of India's independence [6]

hi..
it is a quite good essay..
here some thoughts..

leads to m any human problems
>> misspelling

had to be struggle
>> just directly put the verb (struggle) after had to

thanks..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The popularity of electric cars did not last long due to the limited power and mediocre speed. [3]

IELTS writing summary: Electric Car Around The Globe

In the early twentieth century, electric cars had been driven as renowned as gas-fuelled cars in North America until the popularity of electric cars did not last long due to the limited power and plodding speed.

Lately, Europe and China have tremendous intention to the electric vehicle as the government of China offers monetary incentive to individuals who purchase the electric cars as well as the company to produce. Innovations, at the moment, are gradually revealed in North America which those fascinate limited target consumers with the long-time single charge and high-speed acceleration electric sport car. Moreover, other American auto manufacturers are marketing electric cars for commuters in innovative design made with light composites and two seats and it aims to solve the matters to drive between lanes of stopped traffic.

Overall, beside all electric cars will help to decrease the amount of pollution, some will prevent it with elegance flair.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Talk Summary; David Cameron : The Next Age of Government [2]

How we can make things better without spending much money is to combine the pure political philosophy with incredible information revolution to increase the human well-being because we are now in the miserable time of worldwide deficit.

Political philosophy, generally, consist of three pillars which are transparency, choice, and accountability. Those three points can be integrated with information technology from the internet to open publicity of all government contracts, to provide health facilities from the department of health through online system, and to invite people to collaborate in informing place of crime committed in the state of diminishing crime with the website connected to the police department. Eventually, people will actively protect one another without any forcing law from government as the state of public awareness supported by the combination of political honesty, people power and technology.

This possibility, in conclusion, can be implemented when citizens are able to visualise what they have presented to the nation; not what they have obtained from it.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, an individual can access information easy, because there is the Internet. [2]

hi..
good effort of yours..
I've got some advice..

> idea:
you have not clearly given your statement about the question whether you agree or disagree but you told about the history of the internet use instead. It looks incoherence with your head statement.

> some grammatical errors:
technology is [a] computer network which [is] connected to [the] all [regions / parts] of the world. Internet is [the] role [of what? incomplete, looks hanging, you should continue the words] for the communicate[communication] media.

It can [be]apply[applied] to each person for the daily activites[activity] . For example, they [it is better if you change the pronoun into the precise subject, such as people, society, or citizen] use the internet for[to] collect information.

I hope it helps.
keep your writing spirit.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary Peter Singer: The Why and How of Effective Altruism [4]

hi nathan.
thanks for your feedback for me before.
here I want to give some advice..

6.9 million children died each year in 2011
>> the tenses is a little bit confusing. you wrote 'each year' but you give details 'in 2011'. it does not match with the tenses, you should choose whether you will use present tense or past tense with correct time signal.

Peter Singer introducing[introduces / introduced] effective altruism that is [a] movement which promoting[promotes] effective and rational donation.

For example:[,] rather than spend[spending] 40.000 dollars for trained a guide dog[a trained guide dog] for one blind people[person] in America[,] it will be better if [give subject, we, they, etc] spend 40.000 dollars for[to] cure blind people in developing country which each people [person] cost about 20 up to 50 dollars.

I hope it helps.
keep writing as well..
cayo!
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Popular image of Hawaii that always relates to hula dancing with women swaying their hips [4]

IELST writing summary: Hula Dancing in Hawaiian Culture

Popular illustration about Hawaii that always relates to the hula dancing with women in grass swaying their hips and wearing skirt is a general stereotype in which this authentically has its roots of tradition.

This dance actually relates to the cultural ritual in honour of gods presented in front of altar and it is performed by both women and men. Hula, in its history, was discouraged as James Cook visited the islands causing numerous changes in the Hawaiian society until King David Kalakua revived the dance during his reign afterwards. Furthermore, a Hawaiian cultural festival prominent as The Merrie Monarch is held annually which differentiates the type of hula dance into ancient style -hula kahiko- and modern hula -hula auana-. Traditional hula tends to be energetic with accompaniment of chants and drum beats then modern style is quite similar to the ancient hula but it is slower and more graceful escorted with guitar and ukulele music.

This dance has become a form of entertainment after it was once religious ritual. In fact, it has fascinated vast people including tourists and native Hawaiians living outside the homeland.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Popular image of Hawaii that always relates to hula dancing with women swaying their hips [4]

Thank you for the correction.
I want to discuss it with you.

>>is a general stereotypein which this authentically has its roots of tradition.
I intend to explain hula dancing has roots of tradition that I illustrate in the body paragraph.

as your point of view, how is the good structure to deliver my thought?
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Talk Summary; Nicholas Stern: The State of The Climate - and What We Might Do about it [3]

Countries, nowadays, face remarkable enhances on the urban areas and economic achievement but they are vulnerable to overcome the impact of environmental destruction from the cities' development. Society need to undertake the two fundamental transformations for the next better centuries.

First and foremost, basic structure of changing in economic society should be considered as a necessity because energy and gasses consumption will be doubled in the next hundred years. Following that, public must pay attention into the cities, energy, and land management in order to transform a fine relationship between human being with the planet.

The second transformation, people must succeed low carbon economy in the next two decades. Mega-cities should be designed in compact way to diminish energy consumption, business trend should be innovated into renewable investment, and transportation modes should be altered into non-polluting ways by reducing, reusing and recycling all sorts of things together with an array of communities.

To convert those means effectively needs supports from all components from government officials to the citizenries to centre attention which can deliver a better growth of the climate world.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are many nurses migrating to developed nations in favour of well-paid vacancies. [2]

IELTS writing summary: Nurse Migration

There are many nurses migrating to developed nations in favour of well-paid vacancies. From that standpoint, the spreading of nurse is now imbalance which causes nursing shortage in the developing countries and it greatly influences the bulk of health care.

Lured by better quality of life and higher salaries, nurses from developing countries overburden the health care system where nurses are the preliminary caregivers as doctors are limited as well. Therefore, patients are often untreated and they just administered by assistant nurses who have only rudimentary training.

Afterwards, other thread concerning this problem is underinvestment in nursing education which leads to an unstable workforce to meet current and future needs. It is common when nursing schools deny thousands of qualified applicants every year because of a lack of nursing faculty.

In conclusion, doing nothing to recover the cause underlying of the shortage, millions of people will suffer from the deprived health care they need.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Folklore: Yukki Onna The Snow Woman [3]

hi.
your essay is good.
I have some suggestions for you.

There are[were] two hunters
They were hunting together forest and seek[seeking] some
that they can[could] take it home and cooked[cook] for dinner.

thanks.
I hope it helps.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Being on Facebook Can Actually Make Us Happier [3]

hi.
it is a good essay as it only has minor errors.

other disadvantages owing to this social media .
>> it is not necessary, it will be redundant

depend on their friend in social media.

I hope it helps.
keep writing.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary; Everything You Think You Know About Addiction Is Wrong - Johann Hari [2]

In our life, whether legal system or social norm exposes a mistaken approach to the drug addicts. We always punish and make them suffer because we believe that it is the optimal way rather than giving them incentive to stop. When we start to observe new evidence of addiction, we will get a lot more than drug policies.

We can attempt to change the name of addiction into bonding. We will realise that bonding is about natural need when we have had traumatise, isolated, or beaten down by life, we will try to seek sense of relief that it is possible to bond into gambling, sex, or drugs. Therefore, we should give the bond connection into the addicts instead of judging them severely.

The next method is to decriminalise all drugs but we must disconnect and take all of the money we use for quitting addiction into job creation for addicts or micro loan to establish small business fo them. This way will significantly decrease a large number of overdoses, HIV/AIDS, and drug addiction.

To conclude, despite of always singing war songs for addicts, it is better for us to do the opposite way with providing them the bond connection that it will considerably cut all of agonises.

Important - you must give more useful comments to avoid account suspension.
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Teach every child about food [7]

hi...
your essay is quite good..
here my suggestions..

need revolution for[to] make them healthy like usual. Food revolution [is] need[needed] for better future,[.]because of [caused by] the food[,] many teenagers ...

i hope it helps..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUMMARY TED 3 of Patti Dobrowolski - how to reach a dream [5]

hi..
it is a quite good essay..
here my suggestions..

... activate our left brain which [is] connected with (...) our right brain which connecting with feel ...

i hope it helps..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Comparing car theft - numbers of robbed vehicles in different countries [4]

The graph presents the information about car robbery in one decade started in 1990. Overall, it seems clearly that Great Britain and France, in the last year on 1999, had a gradual decline than several years before.However, the rates of Sweden and Canada steadily rose in the years before the calculation ended.

Great Britain possessed two peak points in the 1992 and 1996 to almost 20,000 vehicles for both peak points and then it ended with incline trend from 1996 to 1999. Nearly in the same way, France held a wavy movement in which the number of car robbed intersected with Sweden in the 1991 then finally the last year was close in 7,000 cars.

The next illustration, cars robbed in Sweden always increased from the first year from more or less 9000 vehicles into the three times constant during 1996 to 1998 and stayed in 14,000 at last. In addition, Canada firstly plummeted in 1991 and had the lowermost point at 5,000. In brief, this country's proportion met the same point as France in the closing position in 1991.




rizaldohabibie   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Changing the Face of Fashion By Mariah Idrissi [6]

hi..
i just want to give slight suggestion for you..

represents[representing] the way a muslimah gets dressed,
>> because you mentioned it in the first sentence, it has to be gerund..

thanks.. i hope it helps..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUMMARY TED 3 of Patti Dobrowolski - how to reach a dream [5]

hi..
i wanna suggest some advices..

Draw[drawing] a picture at our current condition and draw[drawing] a picture at a place where we dream of ....[you still need more verb to complete this sentence]..... , because a picture can cause a movement, can united[unite] nations,

thanks..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of export commodities and service from Someland in one decade [2]

The bar chart shows the number of export commodities and service from Someland in one decade including these future predictions. Overall, in all calculated years, the lowest goods exported were meat while the highest percentage was International tourism. However, the dairy products had a slight different proportion from international tourism in almost all of years.

Meat product, in details, all of the ages never touched the percentage more than USD 4 billion. The most productive year was 2005 which reached the level of USD 4 billion while in the future it will be predicted to drop into a quarter lesser than 2005. Besides, the year of 2015 was in the middle position in which the proportion was approximately 3.5 billion dollars.

On the other hand, International Tourism stated 2025 will be the highest productivity in its services at 8 billion which increased dramatically from 2005 that only reached six billion and this prediction will be in the almost similar number to the dairy product's forecast. In the 2005, the rate of international travel services was less fertile in nearly 6 billion. However, this condition was still better than dairy products which just held 5 billion.




rizaldohabibie   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary : Let's Teach for Mastery by Sal Khan [11]

hi..
i have a comment for you..

Salman Khan criticizes [is] the traditional academic model ...

>> don't forget about the verb. it is greatly imperative in the writing that we should consider.

thanks..
i hope it helps..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS SUMMARY MONTH IS LEARNING VACATION [6]

hi..
I just want to give some corrections for you..

Vacation is one of something which is many people wants , such as,
>> carefully consider about subject and verb..

thanks..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of Article - David Letterman Tackles Climate Change [2]

hi..
i have some comments for you..

David Letterman is well-known as Comedian, spread[spreading] happiness and laughter. After traveling to India with citizens 1.3 billion [citizens] ,

thanks..
I hope it helps..
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED summary: Steve Howard; Let's go all-in on selling sustainability [3]

We are now building cities, bringing people out of the poverty, and changing climate as we understand that sustainability is from a nice-to-do to the a must-do. Every business should have positive impacts to the world.

Firstly, a vast majority of people have cared about sustainable issues in the easy, affordable and attractive which it is relied on the company. From this basis, company and buyer can cooperate to create and consume the viable innovation products.

The next swing raw materials which are based on recycle products must be used as our resources and then business people are independent on natural raw material which will reach the zero waste targets.

The operations, furthermore, can be altered into natural energy such as solar panel that reduces a great deal of pollution in out ecosystem.
Afterwards, it is about humanity. With no child labour, we apprehend to support better quality of children where we protect the right of children and improve their life. In addition, closing the gap of gender in which women should participate and we open the network for women is a great path to the decent future preventing poverty.

If you are a business leader, you have think about what you should do to bear the sustainability system into your business model. If you are consumer, you must be discerning people who choose the products coming to this way as well. We are able to help create sustainable world
rizaldohabibie   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / About thirty per cent of travellers each year choose learning programs to be their holiday purposes. [2]

A new fashion of travelling which has become common for all layer of age is a trip that enjoy a different kind of travel: learning vacations. According to surveys, about thirty per cent of travellers each year choose learning programs to be their holiday purposes.

This program includes, first, honing ability in the artistic endeavours with professional trainer supervising the tourists. Secondly, travellers can attempt to acquire the material of traditional cuisine from the myriad cultures. Next, travellers who go to Britain, they can enrol in courses at residential colleges that contain activities from intellectual to the performance such as photography and dancing.

These are just a few example of the many types of learning vacation. This program must be more economical than the conventional vacations. Moreover, it will be really useful to enhance travellers' ability rather than just have fun in the traditional vacation.

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