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Posts by Giansy11
Name: Dina Barly
Joined: Sep 15, 2016
Last Post: Oct 23, 2016
Threads: 18
Posts: 30  
From: Indonesia
School: PB

Displayed posts: 48 / page 1 of 2
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Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Economic demand is one of causes of the trend, when people have more than one job [2]

The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible causes for these changes and give your suggestion on how people should prepare for work in the future?

It commonly occurs that people tend to take more than one job. Economic demand is one of causes of this trend and a viable solution to be taken is the policy to increase the rate of salary.

To begin, range of human needed is the most factor that influence people to earn money from more than one job. This present time, price from all subjects is increasing rapidly, and cause unbalance between salary and necessity. Human welfare cannot be met from taking only one job, this situation deliver worker to work hard and find another job to fulfill their demand. For instance, citizen of Bermuda, a country which the most expensive living cost have to get more than three jobs each person, caused by lower rate of salary and high price of goods.

Increasing payment of worker is worthy to tackle this problem. The highest cost of living cannot be matter as long as salary also increased. Government and industry should cooperate to take regional minimum wage depends on living cost of each area because reason of this phenomenon happened is coming from economy side. For example, the average income of people in United State of America is US$ 42.050 each year of person, this country care of citizen well being, not only employee, but also jobless is under supervised by government. Needless to say that higher income has strong influence to make worker enough with one job.

To sum up, basic needed as a reason people get work more than one can be solved by increasing salary of worker. In addition, having a set goal in their mind and getting training accordingly are two suggestion ways prepare for work in the time to come beside one above.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Scholarship / My study in China; Chevening network question. Would be honoured, if you comment and help [8]

Hii Rusland,
i have to admit that you are a hard worker person who are trying to get scholarship.
Let me give you some corrections.

Years agoA couple years ago , I helped Chinese students ...

That moment I realized that networking takes an (...) that I need to enter interact with every level of the closed Chinese community.
That system is built during all your life (how long?) and you can get benefit from it either ...

I hadhave to learn how to talk, ...
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Undergraduate / "Washington D.C., yeah I can do this" I coached myself as my flight number was called. [2]

Hii Rmay..
Overall, it is a great writing, but i found several mistakes. Lemme show you.

The plan was to arrive is arrived and have a ...
With her help weare planned to motivate the United StatesAmerican to make a change ...
We will discussabout school breakfast and lunch programs and meals consumption for future generation . of thow the future generation is eating every single day.

It is important that we change the mealsof kids aregiven by introducing and giving more fresh fruits and , vegetables and ...

Obesity is a growing rapidly become ...
and I will continue with Michelle Obama's already inspiring to make change she has made in the education system.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Discussion of the impacts of modern means of communication. [3]

Hii Qtraam..
i found some mistakes of your writing. Lemme show you.

Long ago, people communicate with friends via telephone, fax, letters...
A couple years ago, people usually communicate by using several forms such as telephone, fax, letter and another one.

[Nowadays, people usually use [...] friends and family in real life.(...)

As the time goes by and internet has been invented, communication become easier where distance and time are no longer because of technology. However, even as a useful tools, the drawback comes at the same time.

In the past, people took too long just for seeing each others even it was rarely happened the amount of time people spent seeing their friends was more often , for instantinstance , when someone's (...) celebrated his or her birthday and felt close each others.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some claim that computer games are beneficial for children, while others don't share this opinion [3]

Some people think that online computer game is useful for children, while others claim is bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?

Online games are one of the popular games these days. Some claim that it is beneficial for children while others are not in this notion. Playing computer-based games can encourage children's creativity and soft-skill this is also probable to wonder children concentration in studying.

Children who usually play online computer games have a tendency to be genius person. Firstly, online games commonly use English language as the main language to communicate with other users; it can affect its user to be more able in foreign language. Secondly, by applying most modern technology, online game can attract gamer's imagination inside the games and make them becoming active person. Thirdly, level of difficulty can encourage their brainstorm to find out the way so solve every problem. Thus, it is evident that creativity and soft-skill of gamers cannot call into doubt when children get engaged in games.

Despite these advantages, some users become addicted when playing games and ignore other activities as their obligatory such study. Spending much time on games has affected student concentration when they are at school. For instance, coc as war clan game strongly influence its user to often check and play the game even when the lesson runs. Thus, it is true that internet-based game break children concentration in studying.

In conclusion, it is clearly that the possible of online games are more significant than potential drawback as long as children can manage their playing time properly.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Undergraduate / Common App Essay -- Cooking with my Polish Grandmother (does it say enough about me?) [2]

... of digits and telephone cards , since she lived in Poland ...

When I got the chance to speak to her, [...] ended with a sad string of goodbye's.
As always when i call her that she usually tell a story about my childhood, give some advises, and tell the latest gossip of her community. Laughing and telling a story for several hours, and ended with a sad goodbye's words.

Naturally, after listening to my grandmother [...] meet the woman across the telephone line.
Definitely, i was hoping to visit my grandma after a couple of years just heard her voice. Thus, when summer in 2013, i flew accros of the Atlantic to meet her.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Undergraduate / "The trouble is, you think you have time"; essay about myself. G-PA [3]

hi Johnta..
i enjoy reading your writing, but lemme give you some corrections.

The trouble is,when you think you have time
A year agoLast year , my family was presented confronted with the inevitable ...
evident proved by his willingness to teach ...
... to go from house to house cleaning dishesas a steward.

That is, our struggle to support of families needed when ...

..., while stayingto be honest and be grateful with regarding the wellbeing happiness of those around me.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of working children has increased significantly in some developing countries [3]

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion

These days, the number of working children has increased significantly in some developing countries. Some people support this phenomenon while others are not in this idea. Although it will show that they are independent children, education should be considered as their main activities.

On the one hand, pupils who start working in their childhood have more experience and relation with others. Becoming independent child can give them pride, because while their fellow still ask money and rely on their parents, they are not. Labor child can fulfill their desire and help economic family. To be considered from poor economy background, several factories harness to pay less to child labor instead that used to be. Moreover, almost them has bad moral attitude caused by adult surround them that can influence such as smoking, drug, violence and another one. Worker child often threatened by the dangerous activities they did at young ages, and it will cause mental problems, so that by limiting this activities government should be considered the policy to handle it.

On the other hand, young ages used to get education due to prepare their future. Every parent and family should look after their children to get as much as possible enough education. If student get better prepare from their childhood they can be able to confront their future and get better job. Education should be given when they were child in order to show them the right path they should take as their future provision. For instance, Singapore is a small country which becomes one of the most powerful countries in business field, because government spent much more money in education to its citizen to study since elementary school until graduate.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that as an important factor for young age generation, school should be main need of activities.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sea levels are continuing to rise which is triggered by the global warming process [4]

Hi mates, i have no doubt that you are great in writing, but i find several mistakes. Lemme show you

... the amount of water in this these areas. or (this area)
In conclusion, global warming makesaan impact such as ...
... as coastal areas to the inn undation.
Furthermore, the manufacture of sea by building barrier (...) from flood and it should can be become the ...
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Undergraduate / Dance has taught me to be better. Common Application Essay about a meaningful talent [2]

I was 4 years old when the first time I dancefirst dancers at a small talent show.
... I'd already decided to supplant replace my broken ...

... instructors who believed I was lackingunable

... to remain steadfast and to always keep my passion ...
... you learn from something, but alsois what you make of it ...
[not only... but also
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / At the present time, several countries have introduced the policy prohibiting smoking in public area [2]

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

At the present time, several countries have introduced the policy prohibiting smoking in public area. I firmly agree with this idea as smoke of cigarette can be harmful for passive smoking and such policy would create a clean environment .

Firstly, smoke of cigarette not only makes the smoker risky with their health, but also it endangers second-hand smokers because each cigarette contained hazardous substance such as tar and nicotine. They believe that smoking is optional, while breathing is not. This irritating habit has immeasurable effect on society. For example, people who are smoker are vulnerable suffering disease like, lung cancer, heart disease, stroke, and another one, rather than people not smoke. Furthermore, because of one smoker, many people will be vulnerable to get disease. Smoking in adequate place can slowly decrease the impact of cigarette. At least, by making it illegal, government expects to take care of its citizens.

Aside from the previous discussion, fresh air needed is no less important. Smoker should restrain their desire to smoke while they are inside the building to create clean air. Smoke of cigarette can disturb people's activities such as, poisoning of air quality, eyes irritation, and fumes smell. For instance, based on research of Jakarta youngster organization in several companies found that since smoke is prevented inside room, level of healthy employee is increasing, and the significant improvement comes from the decreasing nicotine level in urine of worker. It is clear that banning the smoker from getting in the public place would prevent the air from pollution

To summarize, prohibiting smoke in public area and inside office may reduce health-care cost, work place become more effective and create clean environment.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century. Sea levels. [2]

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates

These days, humans confront dangerous sea levels caused by global warming. The inundation of people's homes and industries is one of problems related to this phenomenon and the building of sea barriers or moving to higher areas is the most viable solution.

The most common catastrophe caused by the increasing of sea level is flood. This disaster occurs when sea level is higher than the ground. This will result in more people losing their home and being risk to face harvesting failure. For instance, in 2004 Aceh province of Indonesia has undergone tsunami which million people were displaced and losses incurred reached $10,000,000.

One solution to be taken to overcome the problem is building flood barrier in coastal area and moving to higher place. Dam or floodgates, for example should be constructed in lower locale while shelter must take place in high area, these way can prevent water flow to people's residence, and if it already reach they can move to shelter for surviving. For example, learn from experience, Aceh already changing the order of city to build flood distance in flood prone area and become the second number populated areas in Indonesia.

To conclude, increasing global temperature is the most dangerous climate change that human face, thus flood prevention should be taken and implemented due to save future
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, notable increase of delinquent act is concern of all the people. [3]

Nowadays, notable increase of delinquent act is concern of all the peopleimpression violence of media can extremely affect increasing the number of juvenile delinquency. . Some populace claims that it is because of (...) factors that can lead young individuals to commit wrong doings.in crime

... and unstable family or family cruelty . where poverty correlates to ...

Children who lives[children as a subject] in poverty are unable to ...

... it is obviously that these young individualsteenagers would do anything to (...) or sometimes get involved in more serious crime just ...
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Scholarship / A leader is one who can effectively communicate his vision and goals to achieve [3]

I believe a leader is a person whoone can effectively communicate his vision and achieveinfluence them when he motivates andor inspires others to excel, (...), and makes tough decisions

[motivates and inspires have the same meaning]

As a third year student, Ihave joinedbecame involved in my editorial MicroNews magazine department.department's editorial magazine , MicroNews , along with ...
... I came up with the idea of including a cartoon ...
As thea cartoonist, I ensured that ...

... value of growing up in a family.
working as a Programs Officer taught me to more appreciate of value from orphans an vulnerable children (OVC) in Anambra State.
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Online games attract children to spend their leisure time on computer screen [3]

Hi ms. Eva, i have some corrections for you.

Even though, the disadvantages from (...) to focus on studying, but it will also teach ...
[even though s+v, s+v]

This activity is not only wasting much money but it also spends time ...
[same subject]

Overall, it is needless to say that although some people believe ...
Giansy11   
Oct 23, 2016
Undergraduate / Comment and explanation section of pffa Princeton [12]

Hi inav..
because our contributor already gave you suggestion about your content, i will give some corrections according to your writing.

My father is the single earner in my family .He was ...
My father is the only one in my family who have to earn money in order to fulfill our life necessities. in 2012, he can gain money as big a $5600 long the year, but starting from October 2013 until May 2015 he cannot get a job.

Since my mother is a depression patient...
Since my mother got depression we have to spend $1500 for cost of treatment a year.

However(additional information, not contrast) , when she gets got a major attacks we have to admit bring her in the to hospital for several months and the ...

In 2015, since my father lacked the ability to pay for the tuition, ...
2015 is the hardest year for my family where my father unable to pay tuition fee, boarding, and air ticket for my elder brother, thus he had to sell a part of the land we owned
Giansy11   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Electronic devices have some downsides for individuals in their relation with others [3]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Most people believe that electronic devices have downsides for individual in their relation. i completely disagree with this assumption, because on my own perspective electronic upsides of devices should be considered.

On the other hand, i agree that using electronic media can affect personal relationships. For example people tend to play with their mobile phone and ignore surrounding. As a result, it makes far much closer, closer keep far. They might communicate each others rather than be individual person. Most people failed to keep up with their environment because of it.

Teenagers and parents, for instance often be the victims of this situation.

Nevertheless, i realize that other considerations are just as important as what electronic has crucial part in communication.Firstly, some people make lots of friends on social networking site, for example they might have more relationship regarding to their job. indirectly they can help their closer friend because they have many comrade. Secondly, people can keep in touch regularly using electronic media, long distance is no longer as long as technology provides the way. Finally, these people still use this device in order to their relation because they need to communicate each other even though they are in different area.

in conclusion, i am convinced that electronic media is useful according to positive rather than negative effects in personal relation.
Giansy11   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sending a message via social media is much faster than using a letter. [3]

Hi Ryan...
There are some corrections for you, Just cut to the case.

I am more likely to disagree with this statement because of it makes people's lives easier to give some informations and interact with other person, but should be controlled of using internet. Humans lives will be difficult if this sophisticated technology is absence.

Because + s+ v
Because of + n
On the other hand, people alwaysusing use electronic media for routines (there is no verb)
always = present

Well done mate!
Giansy11   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most of the money in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey went on food, drinks and tobacco [3]

Hi Fauzi..
i found some mistakes on your writing. Lemme explain.

The table provides the information on about consumer spending on different items in ...
Don't use article for general
... in five countries spent on food, drinks and tobacco, otherwise,(...) least and clothing/ footwear at the second place . followed by clothing and footwear
... proportion of Food, drinks , tobacco consumer spending than ...
parallel : food (U) drink (U) tobacco (U)

- too much repetitions on your sentence.

Keep practice
Giansy11   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The most dangerous catastrophe in America [3]

Obesity become the number one of killer that give rise to death. Bad lifestyle, less aware are the things cause this situation.

From pupils until adult in United State of America, all of them, do not care about what they eat, and almost the eatery offers fast food. Like a chain, people already rely on their comfort habit.

The fact is, all of food they eat having highly processed, lack of fresh food, additives, not enough veggies. And the result, they should spend much money in hospital because of decease, if they change their way to eat, sooner they will get health.

Some cases happened in pupils, the horrible things are they did not know the fundamental things, such as how to cook, name of veggies, and many more. if children can cook by their self, they would be love to eat fresh food than fast food, because cooking is interest and make them have more knowledge.

Finally, reducing patient of obesity can begin from health lifestyle. Parents have role to educate their children to consume food made by their self.
Giansy11   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. [3]

Hi Hanryhyunh..
you are excellent writer, but i found some mistakes. Lemme show you

..., more and more effect is brought attention to consumer attention , one of (?) which is a competition of companies

... too much exposure tofrom advertising.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that influeninfluenceof advertisements become more and more importantessential for human life

... obtain some goods and services, and children should be promoted to pay much money
make it clear.

Good job mate!
Giansy11   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Be the professional photograph by using smarthphone [4]

Some people find difficult ways in order to post their pictures in social media. This situation happen because they lack of knowledge in taking picture.

Smartphone cameras can give a great picture depend on user. There are a number of common problems of bad quality of the images, such as autofocus, flash, and zoom digital. However, these problems are not longer as long as the user know the trick to solve it.

This article will give you tips to become expert camerist. First, make more effort in manual focus and try focusing on different parts of the screen. Second, avoid to use flash and try in normal light scenario, because the result will be more shiny and clear. Third, using digital zoom will give less focus on your picture, just move closer to the subject and take it naturally.

Finally, all of these tips will make you able to take picture like professional, and all in all skill of editing is turning point of the images. Giving more touch of filter and you will ready to post it on your social media.
Giansy11   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / (IELTS ES) Summary the one of National Geoghaphic's article [3]

Hi Rasedasda..
You can deliver well your summary, but i found some mistakes. lemme show you

It is the Susan O'Keefe's journey with her ...
do not use article

In that spot there is historical place (...) Tea House that provide good tasted hot tea ...
pay attention to verb that you use in one sentence.

At the night they watchedtried to watch incredible late sunset and stargaze in Miette Hot Spring which is still onewhere it same areas with Jasper National Park that is ...
Giansy11   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / What can be done to encourage people to use bicycles as their main form of transport? [2]

In some countries, the number of people who are using bicycles as their main form of transport is decreasing, even though cycling has too many benefits.

Why is this?
What can be done to encourage people to use bicycles as their main form of transport?


It is a fact that riding bicycle is good for our health and it is an environment-friendly mode of transportation, but the number of user still decrease.

Discouraging number of people use bicycle caused by the variety of transportation. For instance, cars able to transport a number of people rather than only one as well as bulky time. Faster, comfort, and the facility of car, can make employee enjoy their time, when they want to work. This situation gives rise fewer person to use faster transportation than bicycle.

In addition, car can more effort more than single at the time, and the elderly or those that need to converse their energy for they work.

On the other hand, encouraging more people to cycle will reduce pressure on their car-parking facilities and, as cycling may be faster in rush hour traffic, get more workers to sit, on time more often. There are several ways to invite citizens using bicycle than other transportation for working, such as, provide safe cycle training, ensure they have security facilities, raise awareness of benefits of cycling, supply bike-way in huge to make them easy to across the way, and provide maps of cycling routes with journey times. These ways and benefits might be changing people way to use bicycle.

To conclude, bicycle more beneficial inside to work than car do it, with providing facilities. Hopefully, it can increase the user of bicycle as a main transportation for working. It can be clear to see the benefits for cycling more than car, also the drawback is less than car.
Giansy11   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE. [4]

Hallo Fauzi..
i have come corrections for your writing..

... computer science at a UK university between 2010 and 2011

The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science at the university in Britain from 2010 to 2012
avoid redudancy of sentence.
This sentence same as introduction

... of computer science students in the UK for three years in both ...
pay attention when you want to use article

reduce repetition of student : scholar

Correct me if i'm wrong.

Well done mate!
Giansy11   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / On learning vacations the travelers may enjoy their time off by learning something new [3]

Hii Alam Baka..
i have no doubt that you are great in writing, but lemme give you some corrections..

Now day s, there are kinds of trip which is provide (double verb) a learning vacations
Nowadays , there are several kinds of trip which ...

It be is more popula, because it can make ...

From this trip, travelers can hone encourage their creative ...
hone is not strong verb in this topic

However, there are many contents which travelers can choose such (...) such as history, phylosophy philosophy, and literature. It provides much advantages than any types ...

pay attention to countable and uncountable noun.

Good job mate!!
Let's go to Pak Dur on Saturday!
Giansy11   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The New Power Of Collaboration -TED [3]

Communication has related with media and collective action. Nowadays, media gives more information about anything that human needed to do something. Media comes from several shapes that had been supported by internet, make easier in every particular areas, such as agriculture, commerce, education and another one.

As the time goes by, media publishing cannot separate from printing press, a broadcasting station, a community or a market place, all of these things had evolution rapidly.

The effect of this phenomena is "social dilemmas" , where people stuck in hard situation caused by range of possibilities that available on their situation.

Furthermore, people should be able to find out their own way of their problem, they must be wise to come out from the effect of communication by media
Giansy11   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUMMARY TED 3 of Patti Dobrowolski - how to reach a dream [5]

Hii Rosa,
Your writing is already great. Me as reader can understand your summary.
But, lemme give you some corrections.

... desire, to make it come true

Draw drawing a picture at our current condition ...
Only 3 magic words can lead you to achieve ...
Giansy11   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Job interview just a piece of cake [2]

Job interview is one of the stages to get a job at the position that we already gave in our CV. it should be a great announce for job seeker when they get the information, but in the fact, some people worried about it. They think too hard about the outfit they want to wear, the answers of the questions, or about their body language. All of these things caused people to get stress out.

Tina Hynes, coordinator at the university of Oregon career center gives some tips to prepare before interview. First, practice to answer the questions, second, familiarize yourself with the company and its history, and the last be more confidence during interview section.

The first impression is the key to start interview, and when the interviewer gives chance to ask, better than you ask about your job descriptions, avoid to ask about salary, working hours holiday and the other benefits.

Overall, know about yourself before you get interview, because the interviewer had more experiences in this field, so don't try to be a liar. Make sure that all your answer is straight away to the point.
Giansy11   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of people, who want o leave Bulgaria according to their education rank around three years [2]

The chart below gives information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who want to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given bar chart shows the number of people, who want o leave Bulgria according to their education rank around three years.

According to the data, it is clear from the chart that 2002 is the greatest number of people, who have stage in secondary education living Bulgaria above 60%. At the same time, the number of higher education, primary and lower education had 17 and 18 each part.

In 2006, there was gently decreased of people in junior and senior high school from 65 to 61, while two of categories rose in 2006. The amount of lower education increased become the highest with 30 percent in 2008. Contrast with collage level in 2002 and 2006, had been felt around 11 person. However, all of these levels, faced the increase and decrease number of people every year.

To sum up, the figure for people with primary and lower education rose each year, different with secondary education where it fell gently each year.
Giansy11   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The rank of education of Bulgaria citizens who chose to live in another country [2]

Hii Bekuk22..
i dunno your real name, but i guess you are my classmate, because we got the same topic.
There is no doubt, that you have great skill in writing, but lemme give you some corrections.

. rank of education = education level
. Bulgaria societies = Bulgarian, Citizen of Bulgaria
. At beginning not fit for last sentence
Giansy11   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article : These Are the Forgotten Victims of the West's Drought [4]

Hallo Andika,
i have some corrections for you.

It became changed the environment which are is (look the subject, verb should follow the subject) less water source
It had impact for the plant and dusty (add verb)
Many people thinks in California, there has been ...
... decrease of amount of waters ( water is uncountable)
Therefore, there was several company companies which did ...

For example, horse cannot find the food around the cities. (the content talk about lack,it means using negative sentence)
Giansy11   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most People are missing out on incredible opportunities all of the time, making bad decisions [2]

Hii Eve..
it is clearly summary, i only want to give some suggestions.

1. carefully with the capital latter in the middle of sentence
. According to Carrie Green, T he reasons why people ...
. First reason, F ear of
. Most P eople are missing out on ...
. However, people who believe with T hose kind of self-limiting
. thoughts A nd so these wonderful ideas,
. ... create a wonderful life A nd that is exactly
Giansy11   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Creativity is as important in education as literacy and we have to treat it with same status. [3]

Hi Aris05..
i have no doubt that you are great in writing, but lemme give you some corrections

In this topic, the speaker would say says about creativity. would to explain for future, in this case, the speaker already explain before, so better to avoid "would"

It is as important in education same as literacy and we ...

However when every child always gets a strong push to avoid the mistake, they will be afraid to (...) their creativity will disappper dissapear ( look the subject, every child (singular) they ( plural)

Disappear is not fit in this content
However, when children always get pressure to avoid the mistake, they will be afraid to do something and will lose their creativity.
Giansy11   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Getting a job, earn your own money, have a happy family... how to make work-life balance work? [2]

Getting a job, earn your own money, have a happy family, are things of people dreamed.
All the happiness will suddenly disappear because of unbalance between work-life and work. Almost worker get stressed out of this case, all of the methods have been trying but it useless. Some people even plan their activities start from they woke up until sleep again, but the result contrast with their plan.

Bases on Nigels Marsh experience, he found the way to balance his job and life from the simple moment. He was did every single thing to make him solve this problem, sometimes people think toward without look exactly they needed now. He just pick up his son from school, accompany him spent time playing together, and when his son want to sleep, he said is the best day ever! Suddenly he realize that something he looking for long time actually he already had it.

Sometimes, the problem solution is surrounded us, but we didn't realize it. Find the way to enjoy everything you have, and you will be finding balance between your work-life and life

183 words
Giansy11   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: This Woman Might have Found a Deep-Fried Rat's Head in Her Popeyes Meal [2]

Hi Fitry..
i'd like your topic, it was interesting, but lemme give you some corrections.

ThatThe incident might be the most ...
New sentence cannot use That as a first word, because there is nothing to refer by That)
... Thomas posted photos toin Facebook of what a rat head looks like in her daughter's fried chickena head of rat in her daughter's fried chicken

In contrary to itsthe real service condition. in fact, Popeyes is considered number of as a 5 rating ready-meal restaurant ...
Giansy11   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / You are what you eat! Obesity is not problem anymore [2]

Every women in this world already getting engaged, getting married
How about me? Getting fat! Yup, I'm only getting fat!!!

Obesity is the most terrible condition of human body, according to women argument.
Calories in food are a measure of energy for supporting human activities, but if you consume more, you should face your fate to close the obesity. This situation mostly happen in adults, where more than one billion of immature are overweight, The World Health Organization called obesity a global epidemic.

Dr. George Bray at the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Louisianaled the new study, based on his experience, the biggest problem caused by bad food. He said controlling your food supplying, doesn't mean you should eat less than regularly, just add more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish, vegetable oils and nuts. Just consume these food continually and your weigh will decrease.

Overall, stop hurting yourself by avoided proteins, fats, or event do not eat all day long, our body need energy from calories. So, stop believe the ancient believe and eat the food properly.
Giansy11   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Traveling is the best way to relax and enjoy the beautiful scenery after the hectic pace of life [2]

Some people say that travel helps us to appreciate other cultures.
How true is this statement? Do you think that people who travel a lot appreciate other cultures more than those stay at home?


Traveling is the best way to relax and enjoy the beautiful scenery after the hectic pace of life, not only add more experiences but also learn about the local culture where it's located. People who has journey to new places, will apprehend the way of local people live more than people who never go there.

To begin, arguing of people, says that explore somewhere new and you can see the way of life, especially the general customs and beliefs of a particular group of people at a particular time, and it will make you respect with the diversity. Every place has different civilization, that characteristic will make the citizen easier to recognize, for instance Boti village as a traditional village in East Nusa Tenggara Province has welcome ceremony to new visitors, where the visitors should eat sirih pinang with the King as a evidence that visitors are welcomed to visit. Traveler who knows range of culture will make him/her more honor and proud to be the person who ever got the experience.

It is no surprise with the people who only stay at home. They may know the news, culture from television, internet or magazine, but not feel the atmosphere if they do not go it place and experient the truly situation. For example they watch in television about culture in Boti village, after it they will forget as the time goes by, it contrast if they visit the place, they will know what it's like and remember trough their lives. At least, visiting unfamiliar place will be the unforgettable moment.

Consequently, travel can help us appreciate other cultures. However, make effort to do so, and we will more respect each others.

282 words
Giansy11   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / HULA DANCING. Hawaii is not only full of beautiful views, but it is also a rich culture. [3]

Hii Bismillah..
You can deliver well and make us as the reader understand your article.
But, i have some corrections of your summary,

A great deal of people whohave has a dream to visit the beautiful Hawai Island
IT has culture which has devidedto such as,dancer ( make it clear, divided to? )
...they perform with the graceful dance which WERE performed by almost females by wearing grass skirt ...

Furthermore, the Hula dances were devided divided to be the ancient ...
... dance performed to the accompanientment (?) of the chants and ...

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