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Posts by bismillah
Name: syukron
Joined: Sep 19, 2016
Last Post: Nov 28, 2016
Threads: 15
Posts: 29  
Likes: 1
From: mediri
School: state

Displayed posts: 44 / page 1 of 2
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bismillah   
Nov 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IF CARS COULD TALK, ACCIDENTS MIGHT BE AVOIDABLE [2]

Driver is dangerous , with the people who do not concern or regardless about truly concentration.the car accident is leading of death cause , 75% of car accidents in people age 16 or 19 in The United States but,most of them have nothing to do with drug or alcohol.

For example,when the speaker being accident of crasing car in the first time, even she stepped on the brake precisely at that time and finally, air bag deployed and fortunately, no one was hurt.

The probem of car accident is , when they did not know of what they should want to do of imergency condition and what their most important to do or prioritizing to attend on the road and also to avoid on that accident, keeping going to enjoy the comfort trip but,occasionally they sense something wrong or it was too late after they realized it as In countless accident, many drivers say as like" l did not see it came''

ted
bismillah   
Oct 3, 2016
Scholarship / The greatest influence of my leadership experience [3]

hi brother i have suggestions for you to make better essay in reading

if there are people who

I think that what made me like to take care ... related to the sentence previously

Something about leading and guiding people are fascinating and challenging

i have joined youth

i hope it can help you after you evaluate these corrections of mine
keep spirit ..
bismillah   
Oct 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS SUMMARY MONTH IS COMPARING BETWEEN TABLE AND PIE CHART [5]

The pie chart indicates the agricultural land becomes less productive which compared with the table features affected to the consequence of three regions of the worldwide during 1990s.In general,as we can see,the highest worlwide causes were over-grazing and region total causes were in Europe

In worlwide,the amount of over -grazing 35% was highest which where it is also placed in Oceania with the number of 11,3% and it was highest number among region causes before accounted by total.The second highest number was placed by deforestation which accounted 30% and it is nearly as same as in North America which is 20% after changed to be decimal fractions, which is merely different 10%.The third positions were in over-cultivation 28% of worlwide causes. if It will be compared with Ocean region degradation in order to, the value of between worldwide and region were far different remarkably ,30% and 0.

In summary,the result number between two comparances that do not completely fixed or steadily because,the total of region causes not accounted by overall
bismillah   
Oct 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary - How Great Leader Inspire Action by Simon Sinek [4]

hi friend i have some suggestion for you

... just computer-company which has same access,..

The theory explains that great and inspire leade

which is different from others.

your purpose or belief

i hope it can help you
bismillah   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / MONTH IS THE PEOPLE - COME TO THE MARS YET [3]

In the near future,the plan of Nasa will despatch the thousand of people come to Mars. After months of anticipation ,space CEO Elon Musk has at least revealed his plan for making human a multiplanetary species by sending crews to Mars and beyond.Still,things have not been entirely smooth sailing for space X,with recent launch pad explosion potentially casting the shadow on their Mars ambitions,And keep in mind that when it comes to human missions to Mars , the vision's have been in the works for quite a while the last 70 years straight.The delay is at least in part technical.A trip to the red planet is like visiting an even more inhospitable Antartica,and its unbreathable atmosphere is less than two percent of what you had find at Everest's summit. Never mind the fact that you have to fly at least a year,round-trip,to get there in the first place.
bismillah   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Budgies reveal the rule that means birds never collide in flight [3]

hi friend i have some suggestions for you..

... crashing into each other now is not mystery again,

probably, because of more energy efficiently or efficient energy

But scientist is still developing technology

pay more attention about you grammatical error and good luck
i hope it can help you
bismillah   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary : The September 30 Black Moon Explained [7]

hi friend , i have some sugestions for you..

it could be seen on October 31...

in all events relating to

Because of lunar event draws, the people attention through photos in internet.

Moon side is seen ...

concern about the grammatical error of yours and also punctuation
i hope it can help you...
good luck
bismillah   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Today parents do not think that their kids will be better off than they were [2]

MONTH IS AMERICAN DREAM

The lifes that quietly play out under the scream af headlines.In fact ,for the first time in American history,the majority of parents do not think that their kids will be better off than they were.This true is rich and poor,men and women.After all, America is deeply invested in this idea of economic transcendence,that every generation kind of leapfrogs and the one before it,earning more,buying more and being more.Media per capita income has been flat since about 2000,adjusted for inflanation.Nearly five million people lost their homes in the Great Recession,and even more of us sobered up about the lengths we were willing to go or be tricked into going ,in many predatory cases to hold that deed.Toll the funeral bells for everything that made American great.We can turn inward,lose faith in the power of institutions to change,even lose faith in ourselves or we can turn outward.The biggest danger is achieving a dream
bismillah   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Differences between water consumption in San Diego city and the whole California state [5]

The charts show the information of average of water consumption in the world compared to two countries;San Diego and California .These figures are compared to three different category places as Residental,Industry and Agriculture.As overall trend,the two countries showed different water consumption from the worldwide average.While processed the water consumption still had largest in residental of San Diego after agriculture .In San Diego ,the highest of water consumption was in Residential between California and Worldwide,acounted 60% from 39% and even ,merely 8%

In california,the highest of the water consumption was in Residential which is as same as in San Diego,which was followed by industry 33% and agriculture 28%.

In the same industry,the amounts of water consumption was in San Diego and Worlwide ,accounted 23% and even ,in Calivornia bosted from 23% to 33% significantly.

Based on the data ,the lowest of water consumption among the different countries and majorities were in Residential.
bismillah   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Be the professional photograph by using smarthphone [4]

hi friend after reading in your essay i have a bit suggestions of yours

This situation happens because they have lack of knowledge in taking picture. pay attention about S+v+o

a great picture depends on user.

the user knows the trick to solve it.
will make you be able to take picture ...

you have to pay attention about your grammatical error
i hope it can be able to help you
bismillah   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary --- Bill Gates: Teachers need real help, need a coach. [5]

Until now, you can use 'up to now 'that better

The system that we have today is unfair for them, also for the students.

They even requires each teacher to observe and ...

i hope it can be able to help you ..
good luck
bismillah   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Speak Up for Syrian People [6]

hi friend i have some suggestion to you
they were there due to....... they believe...... we deserve the better world

It is the sad story regarding which lives far away from Europe.

until now you can use up to now that more academic

Until now, many civilians

i hope it can help you....
bismillah   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS SUMMARY MONTH IS LEARNING VACATION [6]

Vacation is one of something which is many people wants,such as , when they used all the time just looking for money or working by hardworking to survive or rensponsible on the hardlive.Many ways which are used usually by the youth or adults to enjoy their vacation for example,they can learn vacation to go on tourism place or elsewhere,There are some people want to enjoy the vacation by not waste the precious time ,they tend to choose it for learning something as like,they study botany in the rain forest or gaining knowlege .Why,because by studying or learning something can hone the knowledges or skills and even, can more economic the budgets of theirs.
bismillah   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS SUMMARY TED MONTH IS NEW POWER - it is like currency [2]

Old power is like currency and new power works like a currency .New power is not held by few ,it is made by many.New power is not facebook page ,inherently positive and invetable victor, for exmple,in fact, this is not normative argument that we are making,there are many good things about new power but,it can produce bad outcomes,more participation ,more peer coordination, and unsprisingly,as many of these new power models get to scale.

The interested of new power is the way it feeds on itself.Once you have an experience of new power,you tend to expect and want more of it.And so,the experience tends to embolden you and it tends to make you want more participation across more aspects of your life.

New power can give the values and what new power values look like ,it is such as new power values prize tranparency above all else.
bismillah   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Youngest female airline captain' - 26-year-old Kate McWilliams [2]

hi friend i have some suggestion for making essay to be better in reading

she never thought before the she would ...
she never thought before that she would be able to be a commercial pilot.
The last year, the airplane informed

13th years old waswere her first time flying on...

i hope it will help you and check on the word spell correctly
good luck...
bismillah   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED How does cancer spread through the body ? (Ivan Seah Yu Jun ) [4]

hi friend i have some suggestions for making better in your essay

The predominant question comes

travel to other parts of ....

it happens when cancer ,,,,

please you have to pay more conscientiously about word spell and grammatical error
i hope it can help you
good luck//
bismillah   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / COMPARISON OF THE CAR THEFT IN EUROPE AND CANADA [3]

The line graph shows the comparison ot the car theft during 1990 and 1999 in Great Britain ,Swedan,France and Canada.Overall,the most popular of the four countries of amounts car theft for the majority of the 9-year period were in Great Britain.as we can see,the amounts of car theft wiil be predicted to go up a peak in Swedan by the consecutive year,a while the amounts of the car theft were opposed to in others.bacause,the exception of swedan's car were fluctuated considerably.the amounts of car theft will increase together during two years between 1993 and 1995.The highest significant rise was in Swedan where there were from 5 to around 15 between 1990 and 1990.Between 1995 and 1999 had plummeted from around 8 to 5 per 1000 vehicles .Except,in Swedan,Canada and Great Britain will be predicted to rise and the great britain is also as same as in France with the lower one year between 1995 and 1996
bismillah   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / A Fuel Tanker Fire in Mexico's Gulf Coast [5]

hi friend I have some suggestion make your better essay

called the burgos the better is
it is called or it called ... after comma you have to add subjection that esier in reading

any oil flow had been averted shoul be
there oil flow.... or the oil ..

i give you in using on any
any usually used to negative sentence or question sentence,,,
i hope it will help you...
your arranging essay is good ,and you have to pay more attention about what i told you ...
good luck
bismillah   
Sep 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Saving Indonesia's Forests One Village at A Time [5]

hi friend i have a bit suggestions for for you

logging company activities which are operating their huge ...

15 hectares per a day.

when the groundwork keeps operating.

so,please more attention regarding on spell,grammar.coherence,...
keep spirit
bismillah   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Numerous negative effects were caused by nurse migration [3]

IELTS SUMMARY MONTH: NURSE MIGRATION

Numerous negative effects were caused by nurse migration .One kindof it,in developing cauntries,as like in sub-Saharan afrika ,south Asia, and Amerika-a major problem for the shortage is nurse migration to developed countries in Erope and North Amerika as well as Australia. .

Because of it,the nurses choser to go to the developed country in order to get a big earn and better quality of life available in developed countries. For example,the Philippines have myriad of trained nurses migrate to abroad,they can send money to the relatives back home [nearing $1 billion anually]

If the widespread nurse migration in the long run, it does nothing to remedy the underlying cause of the shortage and the goverentment let it occurred. In order to ,the results in millions of people being deprived of the health care they need.
bismillah   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: The Taboo Secret To Better Health by Molly Winter [5]

hi ledha i have suggestions on your essay to be better

It is caused by drinking sewage water.

have you ever think where are those things going?

feel comfortable and saying, " that makes sense", that can be better in reading
your grammatical error is good but you pay more attention about cohesion and punctuation
i hope,it can help you
bismillah   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED fusion is energy's future (Steve Cowley) [7]

hi friend .a have some suggestions

One of the crucial problems. N owadays ,

all the necessary information shuld be
all the information necessaries or all informations of necessary

,we have to pay attention about energy perfectly

that's should be that is
avoid to use that's ,it can make worse in in your essay and it can decrease in your value of yours

i hope ,it can help you
bismillah   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Each one of us has a unique voice print that reflects our age, size, even lifestyle and personality [3]

THE TED SUMMARY MONTH IS THE VOICE

Each one of us has a unique voice print that reflects our age,size and even,lifestyle and personality. In the words of the poet Longfellow"The human voice is organ of the soul''.Based on that,the voice has different character but,the almost the same of their voice when they talk via mobile phone or similar of it.That is looked the indistinct tending difference with the fact of it.So,thevoice can change dramatically over the course of development such as,the children sound different from teens.The procces of the voice can be generated by example,speech is combination of the source,which is vibration generated by the voice box .

One the other hand,there are many people who unaible to speak.It were predicted 25 million Ammericans and many of whom using computerized devices to cummunicate.

To help on those people ,it used to create the sophisticated technology around the world
bismillah   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The level of satisfaction of workers depends on how they do their job, the occupation is not crucial [2]

hi friend i have some suggestions to you about

some people say that in order ,if you want to be happy that ...

people who enjoy their work, and the most of it, is the one who feel ....

but the will to do the process ...

Even though, some of the people ...

please pay more attention regarding on the punctuation,word meaning,and coherence thay make your essay willbe better,.
i hope that can help you
bismillah   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Popular image of Hawaii that always relates to hula dancing with women swaying their hips [4]

hi rizaldo i give some advices on your essay such as spelling of word, and
others
visiting = visitting
Merrie Monarch is held annually which differentiates thedifferent type of hula dance
Hula tradional tends to be energetic with accompaniment of chants
or you can use like this tradional of hula.
please pay more attention about ,grammatical error ,spelling of the word,and also functuation. it will make better essay of yours i
i hope that will help you
bismillah   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / HULA DANCING. Hawaii is not only full of beautiful views, but it is also a rich culture. [3]

IELTS SUMMARY MONTH:HULA DANCING IN HAWAIIAN CULTURE

A great deal of people have a dream to visit the beautiful Hawai Island. Yes ,that certainly.There are many kinds were belonged to Hawai about culture,touristm place, and the last is stories.IT has culture which has devided to such as,dancer.It is related to the culture and tourism place considerably .For example,to appeal the tourist ,they perform with the graceful dance which WERE performed by almost females by grass skirt swaying their hips .

Hula dancing is a part of Hawaaiian life .It is such as ancient tradition that it was most likely originally performed in plain sign an altar to appreciate the gods and accompanied by great ritual. Furthermore, the Hula dances were devided to be the ancient and modern styles.

The ancient style is energetic dance performed to the accompanientment of the chants and beating of drums.But ,the both are almost similar ,which is becoming the difference of it are slower and more graceful were belonged to the modern style.
bismillah   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / How To Balances Between Life and Work? [6]

hi friend i guess your essay is pretty good ,but i have some advices for you
please pay attention your grammatical error such as
Work - life balances means something different should be Work - life balances mean different something.
adverb and adjective place are located before noun in one sentence .if you want to make sentence where consists of adverb,adjective or noun .you can put adjective or adverb firstly and after that is noun

you have to more concern about the plural and singularwords, for example,a balances should be a balance or without a if there are more than two

i pressume a bit suggestions are enough for you
i hope it can help you,
thanks
bismillah   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Talk Summary; David Cameron : The Next Age of Government [2]

hi friend i have some advices to you regarding on your grammatical error
such as
How we can make things better,it should be
How we can make the better things because of it,thr place of adverb and adjective sentence is earlier than noun..
and i inform you about using 'THE'
usually 'The' used to be known sentence before you mention it
and The used to use the officially sentence such as the name of popular place ,as like nationality, official place ,and others
i think that can help you to make better essay and paying more in grammatical error essay
so,i hope it can help you
bismillah   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / From long time ago the ancient society strived to find out something to communicate with one another [4]

ILTS SUMMARY MONTH:ORIGINS OF WRITING

How important writing and speaking in this era ,by since along time ago the ancient society sthrived to find out something for be able to communicate each other.At the finally,they did it.

Three ancient culture civilizations on writing and speaking are there, Ancient Summarians,Ancient Chinese,Ancient Maya.
The Ancient Summarians,they developed it around 3000 B.C. And they use it onto clay of tablet
The Ancient Chinese,in Chinese mythology ,the creation of writing is attributed to ancient sage and they began painting on cavewalls 25,000 years ago.
The Ancient Maya, it is famous for the writing they inscribed on tempe walls and other religious structures.The zapotec culture is a part of mayan civilization.In beside of that,the zapotec culture centered on Oaxaca,Mexico, was already writing around 400 B.C.Recent discoveries show that the Mayans have begun writing around 2,300 years ago.

In ancient time ,only specialized people such as scholars,priest orgovernment official used writing.Today,close to three quarters of the world'adult population can read and write.
bismillah   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary Peter Singer: The Why and How of Effective Altruism [4]

hi friend i have some advices for you about using efficient passage
Peter Singer stated that 6.9 million children died each year in 2011 caused by preventable disease
should be
Peter Singer stated that 6.9 million children died each year in 2011 . it caused by preventable disease.
that is more effective

the academic essay uses the link up word is banned .for example,
didn't should be did not .
and others about punctuation
to help other people even though, they
i think it, beside of that is good and please pay attention about punctuation ,conjuction ,improving collocation word
i hope it helps yo
bismillah   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Conditions of Water Supply In Indonesia [5]

i have some advices for you about using "the"
THE is used to use known word, sentence official names such as nationality , the name of place, for example:
The united states ,The danau toba because they are pupular and known by many people
regarding on that,its better, " you can use the sentence or passage by the something that you have known.
the water supply should be The water supply that more official
and about grammar such as
people lack access should be lack people access
the adverb adjective is always placed to the first sentence from noun
bismillah   
Sep 20, 2016
Scholarship / I showed my influence and leadership skills as a member of survey and engineering unit of DABS [2]

hi my friend i have some advices for you in the using of link up word,in the academic essay can not be used to linked up by words,for example : i couldn't it should be a could not

they've = they have
its possible ,according to you that good sentence or word even passage but,the academis that is banned.
and enrich your vocabulariesto get better
good luck
bismillah   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Bastian Schaefer: What do we know about future? Difficult question, simple answer: nothing. [4]

hi friend ,i have a bit corrections for you regarding on that
please put the colocation of words correctly and do not be hurry
in the false collocation of yours
designe = design
they designed ocean an ocean plane the future
efficiently,they desighed an future ocean plane ,and please pay attention about grammatical
and the academic essays ban to use the link up word for example:
didn't,it should be did not
the most students were doing that ,anticipate it
bismillah   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / "YAP" - THE TED SUMMARY; IS THE FUTURE OF MONEY [2]

Money is about the exchanges and the transactions that we have each other.Based on the story,when it lived in Micronesia in the early 1900s,called by the YAP.the YAP is the form of interest money.they use limestone discs called Rai stones.Now,the Yap does not actually move these Rai stones around or exchange them the way that we do with our coins.Because,the Rai stones can get to be pretty massive.

The point of that is there nothing inherently valuable about dollar ,stone or coin.the money is not anything objective and it's about a collective a story that we tell each other about value.

In digital world,money can reach much farther and is much faster.But we are the mercy of gatekeepers institution.money only move on the speed of banks.

Because,the future of money is programmable

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