Focus on the coop program. Show that you are familiar with the opportunities the program provides the students, which cannot be found at other universities. Remember that the prompt is a trick question. The reviewer wants to know that you have an academic agenda that can be addressed by the existing Waterloo programs. Try to look into the actual ways that you can learn through the coop program. It is important to provide an actual outline of how you would participate in the program. That way the reviewer will realize the depths by which you have ambitioned to attend the university. It is all about your familiarity with the university offerings that will help you achieve the dream. Be specific, this response is too general in reference for the reviewer to be impressed.
Do not ever give an attestation to the truthfulness or falsity of the given opinion. That is never going to be a task requirement. Doing so will result in a prompt deviation that could lead to an automatic failing score. Why? You changed the writing rules for the essay. You added an insignificant element. That is a no-no in the task 2 presentation.
lifestyle, and this issue c
You should not be using a connecting word in the sentence since the discussion elements are different in focus. The last part should have been written as a stand alone statement also. This run-on, compressed sentence will result in GRA deductions.
youngsters often
You cannot focus your reasoning on youngsters because the essay is addressing a general pandemic. You should be referencing the general population to avoid further C+C deductions.
The line graph summary description is incomplete. To complete the presentation, you should include an enumeration of the 5 items that are listed in the line graph. That is to help the reader identify what items will comprise the analysis paragraphs later on.
Further review of your work shows that the trending statement is missing from the presentation. You immediately moved to the comparison presentation in the next paragraph, which negated the trending statement. The trending statement is more often than not integrated into the summary overview. Kindly remember to clearly indicate the trend in your next task 1 practice essay.
Consider extending your analysis paragraphs. These are too short and quickly presented. The image information was just presented to the reader. A clear analysis was not prioritized in the paragraph presentation. These should have equal importance
One of the major deductions that will be applied to this essay is your lack of proper sentence writing. You are supposed to be familiar with the basic English writing rule which is, the first word of every sentence must be written with a capital letter. You never did that in this presentation. You can expect a failing mark in your GRA score because of this oversight. I am choosing to believe that it is an oversight because you did a pretty good job of explaining your reasoning paragraphs, so that means you are capable of understanding and writing in English. You just forgot how it should be written in sentence form.
I money can only help solve n
There should not be an I in this presentation. Another writing oversight on your part.
You are well within the word count to receive maximum scoring consideration for each section. Your explanations are coherent and cohesive, leading to understandable descriptions of the provided image. While the essay itself can be understood by a native English speaker, this will not be without allowances for incorrect grammar. You will be given a pass for incorrect sentence development, which will be deducted from your C+C and GRA scores. These should be minimal in deduction since you did not leave the examiner confused by what you are trying to explain. Overall, this is a good effort at writing a task 1 essay. It shows enough effort on the part of the exam taker to deliver a high quality paper, which will be considered by the examiner in the final scoring consideration.
The writer's opinion is lacking a proper thesis statement to support the opinion presented. Do not just say you will explain the reasons, indicate a summarized form of the reasons so that the TA requirements regarding writer opinion clarity will be fully met. Your opinion statement left me confused because the basis of your upcoming discussion was not clearly established.
You will get a failing score for this essay because your opinion was not successfully defended in the presentation. You must be focused on explaining only your opinion. Never turn this into a comparative discussion because you were given an extent question. It is a single opinion explanation. You will not receive a score for the non supporting paragraphs. Those words will be deducted from the word count, bringing you under the minimum requirement, and adding to the deductions to your score.
You have a formatting problem in the presentation that will lower your final score. Int he TA section, you are expected to present 3 descriptive paragraphs that will explain the flow chart you were provided. Providing only 2 paragraphs, even when over the word count, will result in scoring deductions. It is important to provide 3 paragraphs for the most thorough explanation possible of the image to the reader. I believe that this happened because you rushed through your presentation. Rather than segregating the chart into 3 movements, you compressed the presentation. In the task 1 essay, you should learn to group the presentation to achieve clear explanation paragraphs. This flow chart can actually be divided into 3 procedure explanation paragraphs.
Please follow the expected paragraph formatting for the task 2 essay. The proper formatting has 5 sentences in each of the 4 discussion paragraphs. You are separating your thought presentations into sections. These sections do not provide the examiner with a clear and connected idea for your presentation. You have failed to provide a paragraph that follows the cohesiveness and coherence requirements for the paragraph presentation. It also makes your statement confusing to the reader. That means a failing GRA score as well. You are not properly developing your discussion paragraphs beyond mere topic presentations. There is no reason for the examiner to believe that you are giving valid explanations for the point of view presented. You have to learn to write in coherent paragraphs if you plan on passing this test.
Indicate the number of pie charts and what each pie chart records as information for the presentation. It is important to be precise in this section because you are offering a summarized form of the actual information provided by the image.
several main meals a day
Several means at least 7 references. You should have simply indicated 3 main meals, then enumerated breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That would have allowed you avoid the confusing reference in the phrase above.
Your last paragraph is lacking in analysis. It need to be extended by another sentence to meet the 3 sentence minimum requirement of the paragraphs. You should have tried to tie in all 3 observations into the final analysis sentence.
The chart presents the ozone hole size in the Antarctic and three different harmful gasses that damaged the Antarctic ozone in two decades.
This compressed statement will automatically earn this essay a failing score. You have not correctly identified the number of images, the types of images, and what the images represent. As such, you have confused the reader in the first paragraph alone. That means you will start with a failing TA and GRA score. failing these 2 important rubic sections so early on means that you will start with a preliminary failing score. Most test takers never recover from that sort of failing score due to the added mistakes in other sections during the final scoring consideration. I am afraid that you will not be able to pass the test at this point. you have not given a proper figure assessment at the start.
Start your essay at paragraph 3. You are already a seasoned professional those foundational courses that you studied are already too far in the past for it to have an actual bearing on your current successes and failures. Highlight your continuing studies, training, or seminars attended instead. Those will better indicate your preparedness to take your course of interest. The reviewer will not want to spend too much time reading your academic backstory. It will be better for you to summarize those instead. Your actual skills training, on the job, will prove to be far more important in considering your student qualifications at this point. Add to the current information moving forward from the 3rd paragraph to create a more relevant statement of purpose.
There are 2 things you have to bear in mind when developing your task 2 essay. The first is the time limit of 40 minutes. The second, is that you will gain a better score by writing a simple essay within the 250-300 word frame. Writing almost 400 words may not be possible during the actual test.
You are also contradicting your own opinion in the presentation. As a single opinion essay, you are expected to defend your stance using 2 reasons over 2 paragraphs. Contradicting yourself by defending both sides will cause failing C+C and GRA scores as your opinion is no longer clear to the reader.
The examiner will not score the unrelated opinion paragraph. He will deduct this from the score and word count instead, leading to a higher degree of a failing score on your end.
Your discussion regarding language improvement should not be included in this essay. That belongs to the language study plan presentation. Do not repeat information in the essay as it will disqualify your application when you when you repeat discussion points.
I would like to build a sustainable fashion company
First inform the reviewer that you do not plan to stay in Korea permanently. Use this paragraph to indicate that you will start the company in India, not Korea.
You cannot go into a 10 year career projection with only a masters degree on hand. Limit your plans to the next 5 years. After 5 years, you will be expected to take a Ph.D. or a second masters course. It all depends upon you.
You only wrote 212 words. That is an automatic failing essay score. That is because the minimum count is 250. Fail to write 250 words and your essay will receive equivalent percentage deductions based on the missing words. It is impossible to recover from that sort of deduction as it leaves you with an almost 0 scoring consideration for the preliminaries. You should have also used a more appropriate comparison reasoning paragraph in the body of the essay. You should have explained the points that you do not agree with in the paragraph, then followed up, in the same paragraph, with the points that you agree with. In that case, you would have been scored on your use of transitional phrases or sentences.
You are not discussing the essay based on the correct task requirement. The question was, if this is a positive or negative development. You responded based on benefits and disadvantages, which are 2 totally different task 2 writing tasks. You clearly did not understand the writing task so you made a mistake in your writer's opinion presentation. This is an error that continued throughout the presentation as you used a comparison discussion in a single opinion essay discussion. The idea is to have you present 2 valid reasons why your point of view is the correct one. You have written the essay incorrectly from the very beginning. This is not a passing score presentation.
While you have presented a relevant and strong motivational letter, I cannot say that this will assure you of admission into the program. You have to remember that there are thousands of applicants for a specific number of student slots. So the reviewers will consider only the strongest and most qualified international applicants for admission. The problem that I see in the presentation is that you did not strengthen your US based learning program in the discussion. Your strength as a candidate should have anchored on that since it will show that you have the international qualifications that they may be looking for in a student. Not to worry though. What I am thinking and what the reviewers will be thinking are 2 different things.
It is important that you are consistent in your response presentation. That means, allowing yourself to defend only one point of view since you clearly responded that this is the public opinion that you support the most. There is no sense in contradicting yourself in the discussion paragraph because this will only lead to confusion for your reader and a lack of clear understanding of your truly supported opinion. The paragraphs need not defend both sides of the discussion as these will only confuse the presentation. You should make sure to keep your opinion clear by focusing only on the reasons that your opinion is the correct one. You have to convince the reader that your opinion is correct by the 2nd reasoning paragraph.
Once upon a time, while I was still in primary school
This is the most incorrect way to approach your statement of purpose. You should not be referring you a history of influence in this essay. The focus should be on the work experience that has influenced your decision to advance your theoretical knowledge for the benefit of your workplace. Your first 2 paragraphs are not applicable to a masters degree statement of purpose. These should be replaced with more relevant entries into the presentation. Open the essay with the third paragraph instead. That is more relevant to the requirements of the purpose. The rest of the essay, though not strong enough due to the lack of professional experience, is already acceptable if you are applying to a program that does not require a 5 year work experience reference.
Your prompt restatement is a mix of the original prompt information and your personal point of view. Avoid presenting your personal point of view early in this paragraph as it will be considered an improper interpretation of the original presentation. You should instead, save any personal insights for your writer's opinion + thesis sentence presentation. That way your personal opinion will result in an increase, rather than a decrease in your scoring consideration.
we should discuss the benefits of using modern technology to work from home for both workers and employers .
There is no need to state this. It is understood that you will be using the 2 reasoning paragraphs to defend your point of view. Do not waste time or word count with filler statements. That may help you meet the word count, but it will definitely not elevate the quality of your written presentation.
You are not being asked to define what a community means to you. That whole paragraph is worthless in the presentation. You are also addressing the same problem as you are in the first prompt. You need to vary your responses to show that you have a wide interest in your community and you are not wearing blinders when it comes to the concerns of the community. You should be showing the reviewer that you have other community concerns in this case. The constant focus on education does not really tell him anything in terms of your community development, interests, and varied exposure to your neighbors. You really need to write a totally new response in this case.
The opening paragraph is unnecessary. It does not help the essay move along. When writing a character limited essay, every paragraph should move the essay forward. You can opt to start with the second paragraph instead and have a more effective effect on the reviewer than if you included the first paragraph. It will also help you meet the character count since the presentation will become more information efficient to the reader.
is a perfect fit for me due to its detailed curriculum aligning with my vision of uplifting the educational system
Which parts of their curriculum are those? Show a familiarity with the program. These vague references need to actually be discussed in a proper comparison format. Your ideas in comparison to the school offering.
they provide field trips
Why does this stand out to you? Please develop that paragraph further.
You cannot use a comparison paragraph for your reasoning presentation. That is because the writing guide asks you to defend a single opinion in the presentation. Is it a positive or negative development? Why? That is the straightforward opinion and explanation you should give. Utilize the 2 reasoning paragraphs for that specific purpose. Do not veer away from your original opinion. You will be scored down for contradicting your own opinion. It will result in a confused discussion that will affect your C+C, GRA and TA score. The TA score is based on your clear opinion while the C+C and GRA scores are based on the clarity of your defense and avoidance of confusion in your discussion presentation. 3 deductions in major scoring sections may result in a failing score.
There are 2 things that you need to revise in this essay. The first is the quotation and the second is the reference to basketball. Let me explain how this works.
You should not rely on a quotation from another person to introduce yourself in the essay. That is because the quotation does not accurately depict your personality or who you are in the presentation. You should be able to appropriately open the essay without relying on a crutch that does not explain anything about you, nor move the essay forward. Omit the essay. Try to develop a more interesting personal presentation.
As for basketball, you already discussed that in-depth in a previous essay with a more relevant prompt. So it will be best to avoid repetition in your essay. Reviewers are not impressed when the applicant repeats information in his responses. That tells them that you are limited in terms of experience relevant to your application.
Local what? The idea presentation is incomplete. The subject is missing. Please remember that if you think in your native tongue and then mentally translate to write it in English, there will be missing references or incorrect translations. These errors will affect your LR, GRA, and C+C scores. Always double check to be sure that you will not have any deductions based on incorrect translations from the native tongue.
The concluding paragraph does not meet the 40 words or 2 sentence requirement. That means the essay is in danger of receiving an automatic failing score. It is important that you do a more extensive summary presentation of the facts in that section to ensure that you will not be hit with a failing score.
Do not exaggerate when stating the original topic. There is no heated controversy, there is only a public discussion. Over stating the facts lead to prompt deviations, which in turn, will result in faulty task responses. You will be given a low TA score in terms of restating the topic.
egalitarian
I know that you are trying to impress the examiner by using advanced English words. However, you are actually going to receive better a better LR score if you use easier to understand words. These are called layman words which, when actually looked into further, are just everyday English words that can easily be understood by even ESL speakers. Aim for simplicity. You are not yet at the advanced English level with regards to word usage.
Well, you only met the requirements of the writing task halfway. The score for this presentation can only be based upon an under developed stance because you did not use the correct compare and contrast format for each paragraph. You only defended one side of the discussion, which is not the writing format you were asked to use. The correct writing format for the task is:
1. State the advantage 2. Explain the advantage 3. Counter the advantage with a loophole disadvantage 4. Explain the disadvantage as based on the advantage 5. Give an example
Remember, this is a compare and contrast essay. So the idea is to prove that the so-called advantages are actually disadvantages.
Avoid turning the motivational letter into an academic and professional biography. The motivational factors in your presentation are quite vague and do not really meet the motivational requirements of the screening committee. I urge you to revise the letter at this point. You will do well if you remove paragraphs 2, 3, and 4. Those are the paragraphs that deviate from the motivational letter intent so its removal will better focus the attention on your motivation.
Exploring the curriculum of the IT Project Management program,
Before you get excited about the university program and before you explore their curriculum, first discuss the professional driving factors that motivated you to pursue higher studies. That needs to be specific as your motivation because you will want to tie that in with specific learning and training from the university.
It is true that writing by hand is not as common as it used to be.
This is your personal opinion. It is not an accurate representation of the original prompt. Being your writer's opinion, this should be found towards the last part of the first paragraph together with your reasoning sentence. The first paragraph will not receive a passing TA score because of the incorrect response format in that section.
It seems to me
You are not confident in your own opinion. You should not use doubtful references in the discussion. State everything factually. Give your opinion strength of insight to get a better TA and C+C score.
Your reasoning paragraphs are strong and well developed. However, there is a shortage of transition phrases and sentences in the overall presentation. You may want to increase your transition usage so that you can have an increased GRA score.
Dandy, remove the first and second paragraphs. Those are not relevant to the motivation. Replace those instead with paragraphs that discuss your observations of the industry and what your learning goals are. Those will comprise your motivational points which you can further enhance in the later discussion paragraphs. You can proceed to develop your revised essay from there. However, I am not sure if you should be discussing your financial hardship in the motivational letter unless you are specifically asked to do so. You see, the motivational letter is all about your eagerness to learn. The reviewer is not interested in your financial hardship at that point. If necessary, that would be discussed in a separate essay.
The first paragraph is incomplete. You did not provide your writer's opinion as was required by the writing instruction. Full points will not be awarded to you by the examiner due to the incompletely developed paragraph. The writing format for the reasoning paragraphs should be on the compare and contrast side. Meaning, you compare the public point of view with your personal opinion. In this writing, there is no comparison point as required. The concluding paragraph is also in error as it gives a final opinion on the matter when it was not required. This is just a general discussion essay. It should not make a decision for the reader. That is not needed.
The first paragraph should have at least 3 sentences in it. While the prompt rephrasing is acceptable, the writer's opinion could have used more clarity by providing both an opinion and a thesis statement, that way there would be a thorough response to the given writing instruction, providing a solid TA score for the exam taker.
undergraduates
I would not use this term because you are referring to college students with that. You should stick to the general terms that could describe children so that you do not stray from the focus of the discussion.
Your English is not perfect and yet, you manage to get your message across. Sentence writing can use more exercises to improve your grammar range.
What you wrote here has nothing to do with values and beliefs. These are character traits that you feel best describes you. The reviewer will not see this are a correct response essay so I am not sure if you will receive proper consideration for this writing. Values and beliefs are character traits instilled in you by your family, community, and life experiences. These become a natural part of you from your early life. These are not acquired through later exposure in life. You can actually look up the various beliefs and values that are used for this discussion and revise your essay based upon the list. If you have already submitted this essay, then I hope the reviewers give your choices crdencr when considering your admission.
You have to indicate the starting and end year for the summary overview. Do not indicate just the timeline. That will confuse the reader and affect the clarity of the overview. Do not suddenly mention these in the reporting and analysis paragraphs. That will cause further confusion and lower your GRA score.
You are writing in run-on sentence formats. You should be writing shorter sentences and relying on more punctuation marks than just the comma and the period. You are limiting your GRA score by compressing your discussion ideas into connected sentences. The lack of proper transitioning has led to confusing discussion presentations. You should learn to write clearer sentences either by using shorter, single idea sentences or, using more creative advanced sentence formats.
You cannot say that the statement made in the presentation is true. That is because the first paragraph is only a restatement of the topic and your personal opinion. In this case, you made 2 mistakes that would have resulted in a failing preliminary TA score. Your opinion falls under the required format though so you will receive some points for that section, but it will not be enough to pass that paragraph. Based on the failing starter score, it will be difficult for you to receive a passing score at this point.
For once,it
Do not use inflamatory reference words in the essay. This is to be a logical written opinion presentation. You should not be looking to make any trouble or argue with anybody.
The essay is a personal statement based on your interest in Korea, what you want to learn, and your current credentials. While these are important information to the presentation, you should consider the information that the application packet asked you to supply. Your essay should be revised based upon those content requirements. Remember that you are applying to a scholarship that has student information requirements for their applicants. So read over the prompts for the personal statement, work on delivering the most responsive presentation that you can. It will require heavy editing of the current version but believe me, it will be worth it when you see that you are delivering the correct information for your application consideration.
The opening paragraph is a confusing run-on sentence. It is not advisable to have such a long and confusing introduction. You should consider Avoiding that extremely long presentation and just responding to the questions directly, working in a quick introduction somewhere in the first sentence. Avoid confusing the reader. Your first 3 paragraphs are actually prompt deviations that do not help to move the essay forward. It does not connect to the provided questions and therefore, does not inform the reviewer in the manner that is required. You can safely remove those paragraphs from this presentation without affecting the remaining sections. Tighten your discussion of the remaining paragraphs so that you will better respond to the prompt requirements.
Please expound on this part. How did FIT speak to you? Was it the objective of the school? The program offerings? The student community? Surely you can be more specific than just that reference point.
Your explanations seem to be relevant to the questions provided so I do not see any need to change the content. Maybe, you should consider adding to the content instead? The part when you moved in with your father and you changed your dress style, what prompted that? Was changing your fashion in response to something? Perhaps your relationship with your dad? it appears that there is more to explore in that paragraph. It was left less developed than the others.
Is this supposed to be a practice essay? Or is it an actual application email? My review will vary depending upon what the actual purpose of the letter is. Anyway, I will just talk about the most obvious problem to deliver useful advice regardless of the purpose of the letter.
You need to use bullet points for the notable presentation sections in the letter. That way the HR reviewer will be able to simply scan the letter and take note of the important aspects of your application for further consideration. The first part of the essay is actually redundant. You seem to have introduced yourself twice as an applicant for the given position.
This paragraph will intensively analyze these figures.
You do not need to repeat the writing instructions in the summary. What you should be doing, is presenting the summarized information in relation to the highs and lows of the data reference in the table. This paragraph will receive a failing TA preliminary score.
There is no clear trending statement in the presentation. You immediately entered into the reporting presentation. That will be a problem because you will receive a 0 score for the trending statement section. Since you did not present a clear trend in the presentation.
Since you avoided using the actual figures in the later part of the analysis means that you will not get a passing score for this presentation. You have to use all the numerical figures that you were presented with in the analytical report.
Try to reduce some aspects of the essay so that you can discuss your professional aspirations in the essay. You simply cannot indicate that the programs align with your interests, without actually showing how they align. You can rely on the indicative topics of the EM scholarship to reference your aspirations and goals. While your essay is strong in terms of exposure and experience, you need to have a stronger and better developed motivating discussion in the letter. You have to work on further convincing the reviewers that your motivation for higher studies would be beneficial to your career upon your return to your home country. Further developing that reference should bolster the letter content.
Do You Need Academic Writing or Editing Help?
✖
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:
