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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 468)

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A concise narrative about an important event - UF Architecture college essay!

17 - You could leave out the over-used rainbow/rain statement altogether....

Writing Feedbackmshireling1 - Jul 16, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 30, 2009
Spanish Language proficiency

15 - Once you have left helpful comments for two other forum members, then you can start your own thread...

Writing Feedbacksad_an6el - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 28, 2009
The relationship between an organization and environment - essay

9 - The first sentence is awkward, due to the lack of an article in front of "business environment" and the...

Writing FeedbackTarunPathak - Jun 21, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 28, 2009
'money and riches' - What Is the Purpose of Higher Education?

5 - If you seperate your paragaphs by an empty line then it's clearer & easier for everybody to read. In...

Writing Feedbacktho91 - Aug 25, 2009 / tuanlnc - Aug 28, 2009
Education career. Everyday you deal with kids and their challenging behaviors. Why put up with that?

4 - Meh. This is fairly dull. Why not recount a narrative about a student you taught, so that we can...

Writing Feedbackrvw1919 - Aug 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 27, 2009
it is important to find out if the decision will be popular with others (IBT)

5 - Your grammar and word choice are generally correct, so you are in good shape for taking the TOEFL. ...

Writing Feedbacktuanlnc - Aug 26, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 27, 2009
Should we tell the truth always in order to preserve our friendship?

8 - First, you must register an account on this site. Then, On the right-top corner, there is the "New Thread"...

Writing Feedback123toilama - Aug 26, 2009 / tuanlnc - Aug 27, 2009
GRE: Corporate executives' responsibility

4 - Thanks Sean and Simone for those invaluable suggestions....

Writing FeedbackJunYuan - Aug 26, 2009 / JunYuan - Aug 27, 2009
traditional foods vs international fast food (which is bad)

6 - Yes, one only has two hands. So, one can only say, "on the other hand" once....

Writing FeedbackEricc - Aug 15, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 26, 2009
'Everyone was burned to crisp' - "Jacob" - grammar for my Essay?

4 - This part is confusing to me. You should state that Jacob insisted on quitting school first. Otherwise, there...

Writing FeedbackSPak - Aug 26, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Aug 26, 2009
[toefl] topic (dis/agree) There are times when lying is acceptable.

4 - I think lying for good purposes is not only acceptable but also necessary. White lies are sometimes very useful....

Writing Feedbacksugarzhi - Aug 26, 2009 / tuanlnc - Aug 26, 2009
Old saying; 'experience is the best teacher' -Review for CLEP

11 - Should be an "are" here because of the word "and". ____________________________________________________________ _______________________ I would suggest including...

Writing Feedbacktg2009 - Aug 12, 2009 / JunYuan - Aug 26, 2009
Non-traditional Student College Personal Essay

6 - Thank you so much for the tips. This was the first draft which popped in my head. I know...

Writing FeedbackSFLady77 - Aug 25, 2009 / SFLady77 - Aug 25, 2009
Moral and ethical standards and effective leadership--GRE issue

3 - Why do you mention business leaders? The prompt specifically asks you to discuss public officials. I think you...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 24, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 25, 2009
princeton summer- I practiced soccer with my cousins

4 - What is your thesis? That is, what main point do you want the essay to make about you, that...

Writing Feedbackladidi - Aug 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 25, 2009
Appearance and society values--An GRE issue

9 - Tell us what you mean by that. I'm also curious about your insights on differences in thinking patterns....

Writing Feedbacktsp8487 - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 25, 2009
Benefits and drawbacks of urbanization. Better life for older in the countryside

8 - You should focus on the vocabs like simone said...

Writing FeedbackJino - Aug 4, 2009 / HarryK - Aug 25, 2009
GRE: Knowledge and Rejection of Authority

5 - Thanks Notoman for aiding me with my English. Thanks Sean for correcting my inaccuracies and also giving me...

Writing FeedbackJunYuan - Aug 23, 2009 / JunYuan - Aug 25, 2009
GRE Argument ---antibiotics study results

7 - I am in favor of Simone. What you really should focus on is the last sentense. Since you have...

Writing Feedbackyx200986 - Aug 24, 2009 / Superkid - Aug 24, 2009
TOEFL Subjects like art should be a part of child's education, it's a beneficial and necessary trend

13 - got it. thank you a lot. have a nice day~~...

Writing Feedbacksugarzhi - Aug 22, 2009 / sugarzhi - Aug 24, 2009
'Given name from God' - UNC- Chapel Hill College Essay

4 - Usually, you would use this sort of essay to talk about experiences you have had or qualities you possess...

Writing Feedbackemilysimpson - Aug 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
I laid there,hoping that I could pass into the void & never return; PATIENCE

6 - I've moved this to the essays and term papers thread, which seems like a better category for it than...

Writing Feedbackkennethfatty - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
The Saluda hospital - Advice for my GRE argument

6 - "The author" works. Or "the newspaper," or "the article." These all would be more standard, and accurate, than "the...

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Aug 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
The surest indicator of a great nation---GRE Issue

2 - This would be great if it were being written as a TOEFL essay. For a GRE essay, you'll need...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
Do you believe that change is a "good and necessary" thing?

5 - Study up on articles, as you sometimes leave them out. Also, be aware of plurals; you often neglect...

Writing Feedbackjeff - Aug 22, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
Topic: Children engaging in paid work can have both negative and positive effects

5 - I can see how the prompt -- which itself blurs the distinction between child labor and youth employment --...

Writing Feedbackstranger1130 - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 21, 2009
TOEFL essay: Has easily-prepared-food improved the way people live?

7 - You don't need to address counterarguments in a TOEFL essay. In fact, you probably don't want to. You certainly...

Writing FeedbackLiwen - Aug 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
Criminal records, British and Australia laws - IELTS Essay

9 - Passive constructions use the object of an action as the sentence's grammatical subject, as oppose to the active voice,...

Writing Feedbackstealthreaction - Aug 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
IELTS Essay: Main purpose for Universities

4 - I agree with Simone. Especially the last sentence. It's confusing....

Writing Feedbackcxfcxh - Aug 18, 2009 / jyxff - Aug 21, 2009
Music helps people both personally and maintains the culture values of country

5 - Hi EF_Sean, GeneK, EF_Simone thank you much for your comments. I will incorporate your comments in my next essay....

Writing Feedbackprabudhakshin - Aug 20, 2009 / prabudhakshin - Aug 20, 2009
"Wise people appreciate the little things in life" - narrative essay

5 - Hi, I add some feeling here. please proofreading for my essay. Thank you!:)...

Writing Feedbackbal0601 - Aug 11, 2009 / bal0601 - Aug 20, 2009
"Actions speak louder than words" (do you agree or disagree with the statement)

8 - I'm not sure how I feel about that advice. I'd have to see the writing that provoked it...

Writing FeedbackJanie Tine - Jul 29, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
compare and contrast what conflicts the heroes have and how they face them

6 - Your task is to discover what they have to do with one another. Sean has offered a...

Writing Feedbackhollyn91 - Aug 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
Vice-President of Phi Theta Kappa; SERVE the underserved/Experiences

2 - No, the question is not the same. The second question is both more general and more specific, asking for...

Writing Feedbacksad_an6el - Aug 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
TOEFL; Television Versus Friends and family

13 - I would leave out some touchy subjects on terrorism...

Writing Feedbackdhanh90 - Aug 14, 2009 / sad_an6el - Aug 20, 2009
The proper use of public resource--GRE ISSUE Appreciate your advice

4 - I notice that you work implicitly within Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which asserts that people will not care about...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
The benefit of a global university-- GRE topic, need help

6 - If you are worried about having enough time to say what you want to say in this...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
English Aboriginal feature article.

3 - Even an editorial should probably be a bit more comprehensive and tightly reasoned. The Australian government should make it...

Writing FeedbackBillmc - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
"Memom, how did you draw this?" Topic of Choice Essay -- opinions and critiques

5 - As others have pointed out, you point isn't really clear here. You decided that you were interested in art...

Writing FeedbackMichelleHob - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 19, 2009
Formal educational credentials and hiring employees - GRE essay

5 - To improve your sentence by noticing that DON'T MISS WORDS, I believe your essay will be more attractive and...

Writing Feedbackwonglofu - Aug 11, 2009 / Superkid - Aug 19, 2009
Concept and story line good; I need help with correcting the grammar in my essay

4 - We patiently waited alongsideof many other excited spouses and parents. As the buses pulled up, everyone started cheering...

Writing Feedbackjenni929 - Aug 19, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
"pet proposes man disposes" - TOEFL: Should pets be treated as family members?

4 - I mean that pet is appealing and human like it. From what you said, I know I use wrong...

Writing Feedbackalwaysholly - Aug 12, 2009 / alwaysholly - Aug 18, 2009
What do you want most in a friend TOEFL

7 - got it. thank you so much! your examples are easy to understand ,and i learned not only the grammar...

Writing Feedbacktoefl7 - Aug 16, 2009 / sugarzhi - Aug 18, 2009
The Next Patient

7 - The air dances violently in the space between our stare. wow, definitely gave me goosebumps :o Awesome essay!...

Writing Feedbackjdharake - Aug 14, 2009 / CalLover - Aug 17, 2009
toefl: We live in a world of music - Why is it important to so many people?

13 - Thank you very much, sad_an6el. It sounds more detailed....

Writing FeedbackLiwen - Aug 16, 2009 / Liwen - Aug 17, 2009
parents and relatives make the decisions

3 - Whereas parents and relatives never do this? No parent has ever pressured his or her child to be,...

Writing Feedbacktoefl7 - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 17, 2009
GRE Essay on "skepticism in student's learning"

6 - Your essay mainly seems to be arguing in favor of the idea, rather than against it as your introduction...

Writing Feedbacknatz - Aug 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 17, 2009
"Questioning authority" - GRE topic.

4 - You need to elaborate more on your examples. At the moment, you are not using them to actually prove...

Writing FeedbackKahollavan81 - Aug 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 17, 2009
Travel Versus Saving Money (IELTS test prep essay)

4 - Thanks guys for the corrections....

Writing Feedbackorlando - Aug 16, 2009 / orlando - Aug 16, 2009
"Justice can only exist when people obey laws that are not to their liking."

3 - Simone is right -- you need to start by defining what you mean by "justice". Virtually any definition you...

Writing FeedbackKahollavan81 - Aug 12, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 16, 2009
We are blessed with modern tools; Modern technology

8 - I have checked : be aware of is correct :)...

Writing Feedbackrosamond00 - Aug 7, 2009 / arsdtbk - Aug 16, 2009
Frankenstein Essay: Critiques?

3 - A thesis needs to be debatable. Your isn't. Say something about the message of the book, preferably something that...

Writing Feedbackkenziii - Aug 14, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 15, 2009
Essay about important characteristics of a co-worker.

5 - ok, right, when I compare with the past, this characteristic is as vital as now. thanks...

Writing Feedbackarsdtbk - Aug 13, 2009 / arsdtbk - Aug 14, 2009
"Running away"; "I'm sorry for all that is happening, but..." - rate my essay

7 - You need to clarify much more. The entire work is interesting but makes very little sense and threatens to...

Writing Feedbackkennethfatty - Jul 29, 2009 / kenziii - Aug 14, 2009
Our lives abound with examples of the importance of remaining creative

4 - Give the reader some examples about creativity in the modern world.....

Writing FeedbackDiddy - Aug 3, 2009 / kenziii - Aug 14, 2009
"the personal consumption of butter" - IELTS task 1 Homework 1

2 - This graph shows the personal consumption (in grams) of butter, margarine and low-fat or reduced-fat spreads per week [omit...

Writing FeedbackAnne25 - Aug 12, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 12, 2009
Gay Marriage: Is It Right?

13 - Note: I deleted John6503's comment to which Llamapoop123 is responding, because it ran afoul of our guidelines prohibiting postings...

Writing Feedbackladiired3 - Aug 4, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 12, 2009
"Goods And Service Tax At All India Level"- how 2 improve this article

5 - Yeah, this is really a good idea. Thnx Simone...

Writing Feedbackescritor - Aug 10, 2009 / escritor - Aug 12, 2009
"About a time when you thought an experience would take place in certain way"

3 - This is essay drags on a little. The lesson learned not really something that would effect your character or...

Writing Feedbackpresario32 - Aug 11, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Aug 11, 2009
"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value"

3 - What confuses me is why your friend agreed to have YOU post HIS essay. Why could he not do...

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Aug 10, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Aug 10, 2009

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