Graduate / Statement of Purpose for masters program in Computer Science in the USA - Review request [2]

The second paragraph should have a clearer purpose for your studies. The series of questions does not signify any purpose.you need a solid academic and career oriented purpose in this section. It will act as the basis for the course and university choice paragraphs. The introduction was strong but kind of lost its way towards the second paragraph. you should edit the 2 to create 1 interesting purpose hook.


What makes you think they would be interested in working with you? How do your interests help their research? Name dropping only works if you have skills and proven research work that blends with their own. A quick mention of your related published work would help.

* Limited review provided due to length. Contact me privately for a comprehensive review.

Writing Feedback / Ielts graph about gold sales in Dubai during the year of 2002 [2]

The currency of sales needs to be mentioned in the summary overview. As the writer, you need to let the reader know early on that the U. S. dollar is not the currency consideration in use. The reader needs to know that the U.S. dollar is not the default currency as that is the automatic assumption of international readers. It also better prepares the reader for the mention of Dinhams later on. By the way, being an official currency, Dinham is a proper noun that should be capitalized when used as a value reference.


rise TO 80...


To what value? You may provide an estimate for this. Avoid general statements when the image allows for a value estimation.


Task 1 essays do not need a conclusion because this is a report analysis rather than an opinion essay.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others [2]

When using the 2 paragraph format for this comparative discussion, you must provide your point of view for each public opinion. That means you have to present your opinion at the end of the public analysis.These general statements are unacceptable as you fail to identify the difference between the public opinion and your personal point of new. This leads to confusion for the reader who needs to identify the differing opinions.

You cannot reiterate an opinion in the conclusion that was notspelled out in the previous paragraphs. This is the one opinion essay discussion that does not use a single point of view. The lack of correct 3rd person and first person pronouns is the source of the presentation confusion.

Writing Feedback / In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the govern [2]

The prompt restatement is totally inaccurate. It fails to refer to the original statement as it adds a discussion on a sedentary lifestyle along with a misplaced time frame reference. Both additions have changed the original statement leading to an unrelated topic representation. However, the reference to government responsibility and accurate response presentation saved the paragraph score.There will be a minimal deduction applied for the erroneous first sentence.


Redundant words used in the essay. Use synonyms or refrain from the constant mention as it will result in a score down based on memorized phrases.


This is a topic that is not included in the original presentation. The constant reference further adds to the score markdown.


Repeated transition word. Work on synonym usage.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Negative effects of fast food [3]

While the writer shows a relatively wide English vocabulary, the writing is mostly devoid of a logical discussion. A native English speaker will easily recognize that the writer has said the same thing repeatedly in the same paragraph. There is a lack of discussion development that adds depth to the discussion. The writer comes across as a writer who is more focused on word count rather than the coherence and cohesiveness of the statements.

There are transition words used in the essay, but not enough. As there are 3 topics for discussion more transition words and transition sentences should be found/read in the writing. The writer must focus on the substance of the essay, not just vocabulary usage.

Writing Feedback / Many people argue that rather than reducing climate change, we should find a way to adapt to it [3]



The first phrase reference is meant to indicate additional unsaid information. Similar in use to the word "etc.", this is a non-academic reference used in non-formal or casual writing. Do not use these 2 references going forward as the task 2 essays are formal and academic papers. Good work in the reasoning paragraphs though. The discussion is well supported and uses ample transition words.



The first reference implies we have yet to prevent climate change . The second reference makes it appear that we are compelled to face something. This is a sentence structure error. As we are currently dealing with the effects you pointed out, statement should reflect that. The more appropriate structure is "...we will continue to face... ". This indicates the current effects we are trying to change /alter.

The concluding statement is too short a summary presentation. Use at least 2 sentences. One for the topic and one or 2 more for the reasoning topic quick versions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Advantages and Disadvantages of consuming organic food [2]

There is a time reference confusion in the first paragraph.


refers to most recent events over the past week.


refers to the past 2 or 3 years. The writer should use a definite reference to time only once. It will be better to use the reference "nowadays" then end the definite statement with a period after "popularity". It creates a more confident statement.

However, that paragraph still suffers from an over- generalization as it claims that "all consumers" have started buying organic food. Since not all food shoppers have done so, the statement must indicate such a seperation through the use of hedging words such as "some people" or" a number of consumers". Over - generalization has the same meaning altering effect as an exaggeration.

The first reason is good in terms of reasoning but does not do well in terms of supporting examples. The positive effects of organic farming need to be seen through publicly known beneficial examples. Offer evidence that your claims have a real world basis. The second reasoning paragraph is a bit better explained with commonly known evidence. The last part of that paragraph though, it suffers from clarity issues due to improper sentence development. The subject is missing from the result.

An advantage v. disadvantage essay does not require a personal opinion.Therefore the concluding summary presentation is improper as it offers an unsolicited opinion. This will be the source of a heavy final score deduction. By the way, always write more than 40 words for this portion for it to qualify for a score.

Writing Feedback / The given bar chart illustrates the number of people visiting four certain museums in London [2]


The 4 museums have reference names in the chart. For summary compliance , you have to mention the number then list the museum names.The list helps keep the vader on track once reading the trending statement. Notice that you mention one museum name as the high, you should mention the name of the low as well. That shows the reader an overview analysis on your end and further clarifies the purpose of the report. Be specific be precise. your starting score depends on it.


Use the specifics as indicated in the image. The months are given for a purpose, to help the reader understand your report. The reader will be confused by the erratic information presentation. Once confusion and stress sets in for the reader, your scores will suffer in at least 2 ways.

Writing Feedback / Vietnamese blockbusters and Hollywood blockbusters [2]

The original topic basis is not clearly interpreted in the first paragraph.The writer opens with an opinion about cinematography, then goes on to discuss a totally different focus. The writer fails to provide a clear topic restatement and opinion presentation. Which is the actual topic, cinematography or a comparison discussion? This is a highly confusing opening statement. It goes in 2 different discussion directions.

The conclusion speaks of differences and similarities. However, only differences are present in both discussion paragraphs. It is safe to say that the writer failed to create a discussion outline before writing this paper. Even worse, he did not check for prompt compliance after writing it. Add to these the grammar problems and you can see why this is a failing score essay. It barely addresses whatever the original prompt is.

Writing Feedback / TRAFFIC CONGESTION IS BECOMING INCREASINGLY PROBLEMATIC IN MAJOR CITIES. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES? [2]


Avoid providing a personal opinion in the restatement paragraph. By changing the purpose of the orginal topic presentation you misrepresent the discussion's prior purpose. The restatement must be a factual interpretation of the orginal without embellishments.


Conjunctions used at the start of a sentence lowers the GRA score. Connecting words are used only in the middle of a sentence that connects 2 ideas. Academic papers cannot be written using conjunctions at the start.


This sentence is confusing. What does the requirements for zone parking relate to the discussion? This will definitely pull down the score due to lack of coherence Always fully explain the references to avoid that possibility.


These must be summarized in the conclusion as well.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 question: Some people believe it would be better to build houses in existing towns.... [2]


These should be restated in the paragraph.That is why it is identified as the topic restatement paragraph. The paragraph has failed to accomplish the 1st task requirement.


Incorrect task writing restatement and missing opinion presentation.

*The first paragraph totally fails to meet the topic restatement + opinion presentation requirements. It will recieve a failing sectional score.

The discussion paragraphs fail to represent the required individual paragraphs for the public opinion. The essay is based solely on the private opinion of the writer. As such, only one formatting requirement was met out of 2. This could cause a final scoring problem for the exam taker. The response is non-task compliant. The writer must learn to identify the required discussion styles. This one was comparative + personal opinion rather than a single opinion presentation.

Writing Feedback / ESSAY - Failure and desire. It is believed that failure is the consequence of ambitions shortage [2]


Is someone else other than you writing this essay? No? Then why are you referring to yourself in the third person ? Give a direct response based on a first person reference as required by the orginal reference


Respond directly and say why.


Do not discuss other people's opinions. What you are required to present is what you think. Other people do not matter. This reference is a task inaccuracy in terms of discussion presentation. Everything about this essay should be presented in first person structures.


Why can't you refer to yourself directly? This essay will fail based on the general discussion format used. The required referencing and discussion format was not used.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 - should phones be forbidden for youngsters during the school time? [4]


A school of thought. Do not use English expressions unless you are sure you are properly presenting it. This error marks down 2 clarity scoring sections at once.


Why? Describe your reasoning topic to provide your thesis statement.


No. You cannot argue or present your opinion yet. The opposing public opinion must be explained first. As that discussion topic is missing, the essay will be scored on 2 out of 3 topic discussions. That is because the student opted to use the 3 reasoning paragraph discussion. The essay is now, under developed and lacking in discussion development for the public openon aspect.

The conclusion is a failure as well since it is less than 40 words/2 sentences.

Graduate / STATEMENT OF PURPOSE for Vehicle Engineering [3]


Your dream has been turned into a reality by Elon Musk and his Tesla electric cars. Choose another dream that represents an unachieved accomplishment in the field as its purpose. Remember, Elon's cars are already voice activated, as are other internet connected cars these days.

You will need to brainstorm and develop a new vision to serve as your purpose. These references came across are mere copycat s at this point Unless you can come up with a unique purpose, you cannot claim to have any in this essay. It will also help to have you discuss your university choice in a more detailed and purpose related way, once you have a more original purpose on hand. Why not say your purpose is to work for Elon Musk at Tesla instead ? That way you can develop a more interesting use for voice assisted driving leased on current technology.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: The bar chart below shows the number of visitors to four London museums. [2]


Since you mention 2 out of 4 museums in the tending paragraph, you may as well list all 4 locations as a part of the summary. That way the discussion targets are correctly enumerated for reference purposes.


Do not change the data reference. Months were originally used as these help to clearly report the numerical references. Use the same method. Using the seasonal reference is creative but uninformative and confusing. This sort of creativity will cause C + C and GRA markdowns for obvious reasons.

You only used the month reference once, then continued to confuse the reader with other reference types. Focus on reference continuity next time to avoid stressing out the reader.

Writing Feedback / The diagram illustrates a wind turbine specification in general and the best location to install it [2]


Incorrect reference in relation to S v. P. 2 illustrations are presented. Your reference is for one image only while describing 2 different mage content. The grammar and word choice rules for plural references was not followed in the sentence word choice and formation..

When 2 images are presented, use one paragraph to discuss each image. Each paragraph should focus on only 1 image, report, and idea. That image focus will help with the reporting clarity. The comparison should be mentioned or completed within the trending statement. The reporting paragraphs lack focus because of the combined reporting data. It tends to confuse the reader in terms of information tracking and image relationship. Use as many as 4 paragraphs when dealing with 2 image reports.

Scholarship / Spanish language assistan scholarship [2]

A motivation letter focuses on the reasons why you desire to work as a teaching assistant. It is not a discussion of your language exposure, interests, and relationships with your work assistants. There are 2 areas of interest for this letter, career and academics. How do you see yourself benefitting from the program? What can you contribute? How does the merging of these interests , as motivating factors create a unique motivation on your part? There is no motivation present in this essay. It qualifies more as a personal statement rather than a motivation. Note the change in focus that I am suggesting. create a true motivational letter based on it.

Writing Feedback / Selecting a job to meet the living standards [2]

The reasoning discussion of the writer mistakenly uses a comparative format. The examiner does not need to know about the advantages of the discussion. The 2 paragraphs should focus only on explaining the partial agreement based on


.

Since only one paragraph supports this opinion, a baseline passing score may be awarded based on discussion relevance and limited errors in other scoring sections. It is difficult to say with certainty that the response can get a passing score since the supporting paragraph lacks a backup supporting statement. It is underdeveloped based on reasoning requirements.

My opinion is provided without knowing if your response is relevant to the task or not. You did not provide the original prompt for my guidance. The review provided is based on a general observation alone.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Youngsters have problems but the government ignores this. Give solve problems? [4]

The restatement plus opinion paragraph will get an automatic failing scou as the writers representation does not reflect the original topic not the discussion instructions in any way. This will be considered an irrelevant representation and as such, be awarded the most relevant non-passing paragraph score. Once an essay fails to adhere to the original requirements, it will be considered an alteration and be scored based on its inapplicability to the discussion. It will prevent a passing score once other errors, such as incorrect punctuation use is added (Note: a comma can never be succeeded by an ellipse. No successive punctuation usage is allowed in English grammar).


Vocabulary weakness based on lack of proofreading. Tow means to pull, Two is a numerical reference.


What age? Grammatical confusion leading to points deduction.

The essay will recieve the lowest marks possible as the exam taker shows clear evidence of not being properly educated about various sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar rules. He is incapable of writing a coherent sentence, much less a paragraph. More theoretical grammar lessons are needed before the student attempts to write another task 2 essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: The tendency of human beings copy another. [2]


Where did you get this idea? It is not a part of the original prompt reference. This makes your statement inaccurate enough to recieve a significant accuracy markdown. Do not add topics to the original statement.


Good answer. Wrong response format. Where is the measured and emotional response as required by the extent question? This is going to ensure that the essay immediately fails half the scoring requirements.

It is quite unfortunate that you misunderstood the discussion question and response format requirements. You truly have a good control of sentence structure and your discussions are logical on a simple basis. However, the misrepresented discussion angle is what prevents this from becoming a passing score essay. Better familiarity with various response formats should help you avoid the same error in the future.

Letters / Motivation Letter to Apply for a Master's Degree at the University of Padua, Italy [2]

The motivation letter does not make any reference to a standout accomplishment of any sort that makes you an outstanding candidate. The full letter is only of average quality in terms of referencing to your credentials and accomplishments. There are far more qualified student applicants with actual, mentionable credentials. Your reference to these are so geneve, the motivation letter is actually quite boring to lead. Specially since you have no plan to contribute to the program you are applying to.

You have more tourist reasons to study in Italy than you do academic reasons tostudy at Padua. Truth be told, the reviewer will set aside your application in the reject pile even before he finishes reading it. Reconsider your motivations and actual accomplishments. Then write a 2nd, hopefully more improved version for your application.

Undergraduate / Reason for choosing your program and Waterloo- AIF form Math (Financial Analysis/Risk Management) [3]

The interest in Waterloo is uninformative. The coop program is the default and most common reason used by all applicants. You want your essay to standout so expand the FARM option instead. Focus on FARM and how you see yourself benefitting from the combined theoretical and practical teaching method. Reduce the first paragraph discussion the introduction takes too long to get to the point. When writing character limited response, focus on content rather than introduction. Sentence 2 in particular just takes up character count but is not really helpful in the discussion. Skip the last sentence as well. This is a statement response rather than an essay so a focused response, sans the intro and conclusion, are needed to complete your answer.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1: Australian use of energy and how it impact numbers of the greenhouse gas emissions [3]

When you wite a trending statement for 2 images, remember to identify the image type along with the thend for differentiation purposes. since the images carry similar information listings, the reader must be clued in on the location and relationship of the trend. The trending statement is a large part of the accuracy score so you have to do well in that portion in as much as it relates to the summary overview.

The first image analysis is incomplete. You did not compare your written data with the image content. This image provides enough content for at least 3 more reference sentences. The second image is better represented and more accurate in terms of discussion. Never forget to connect the data with the image anchor. The essay you wrote is really confusing to read due to the lack of image guide / reference.

Writing Feedback / Ielts 1: The line chart presents the figures for UK commuters who owned one or more cars (1975-2005) [2]


Seeing as how this is the summary overviews you cannot use other year measurement references yet. If you mustuse other year measurements, never forget to indicate the actual years covered otherwise, the summary is incomplete in terms of accurate data presentation and could recieve a reduced sectional score.


The phrase is inaccurate in the sense that it is in singular form when the image provides a plural measurement for "single car owners". This is a sentence formation problem.


You have to present the starting percentage to help the reader understand the fall rate and final figure.


Of what percentage?

Basically, the writer needs to work on accurate data presentation in relation to report clarity. There are also several spelling evors that show a lack of editing and proofreading.The essay will fail based an LR and GRA errors.

Writing Feedback / International sport event. Discuss both views [3]

Note the opinion basis as provided. One opinion is represented as,


. While the other side considers,


. This represents the need for a third person discussion consideration twice in the essay. That means, both points of view cannot be presented solely on the writer's opinion as you do now.

Consider each good reason for the public opinion, discuss.Then consider if you agree or disagree with the opinion and add it to the presentation. Try to successfully explain why you oppose or support it. Make sure the correct pronouns are used to represent the discussion. At this point, only the writers general opinion is present. This will recieve a score but, due to the inaccurate format, cannot recieve full marks in the TA section.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, but others disagree [3]

The writer shall only recieve a score for the personal opinion statement The essay is going to be considered for a failing score due to the lack of public opinion explanation and consideration. The essay does not have any seperation references that indicate the public opinion discussion as opposed to the personal opinion. something that is accomplished through the use of third person pronouns (as representative of the public opinion) and first person references ( for the personal opinion).

Always refer to the discussion format requirement Review the essay after drafting it. Make sure that you clearly seperate the opinions as required. This is the only essay type that will ask you to compare 3 opinions instead of only 1 as usually indicated by the prompts.

Writing Feedback / Write about surveillance in modern life. [2]

As a tank 2 essay, this writing fails to meet 2 scoring considerations:
- Failure to meet the Minimum 250 word count requirement
- Response incompatibility with the discussion question.

Both errors will result in at least a 50 % score reduction in total based on applicable deductions per section. With such a high deduction rate, it may be difficult to achieve a passing score.

The original opinion discussion is supposed to be based on the following consideration: What do you feel is more important, personal privacy or public safety ? The discussion the writer used was not based on the provided opinion question since he is using an advantage v. disadvantage presentation. It is a discussion format.not related to the topic.

Additionally, the writer did not follow the 4 paragraph writing format for this essay. That is another score markdown and is perhaps the main reason that the wordcount was not met.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - The expenditure on consumed goods. The data was collected in France and the UK in 2010 [6]


What type of chart? consider that this is a summary overview. As such, it must help the examiner create a mental picture of the summarized data. That means, the report must clearly identify the image type through the specific image title. The identification is not as accurate as it should be for the task. It will limit the scaring potential of this paragraph.

There is also no consumer goods list provided. That quick list is necessary leading into the trending statement.


The first cancellation is because the sentence does not require the use of a definite article. The second strike through is because of the wrong use of a verb. clearly the student needs to get better at using definite articles and verbs.

The essay has several other grammar will violations that will cause a failing GRA and overall score. Please work on your sentence writing skills and review your grammar lessons again. Specifically, in the areas pointed out here.

Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing task 1: the number of visitors going a Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017 [2]


Kindly note the indicative years in the report. It ended in 2017. We are now in the year 2021. The time frame reference is incorrect. Use the past tense reference next time. This is inaccurate grammar use.


Missing the third person indicative word "is" before "generally". Another grammar error.





The writer shows a steady unfamiliarity with time references. There is a continual use of present tense presentations where pastreferencing should be made. These repeated GRA errors maybe the very reason this task will receive a failing score.

The writer spends time analyzing the essay but fails to edit his work. The grammar errors are very noticeable and should have been easily corrected upon first and second reading.

Writing Feedback / In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or not? [2]

The essay has just the right number of words for a very good scoring consideration. The effort to properly outline the prompt requirements shows that the writer put time and effort into creating an applicable prompt restatement + opinion. There are several things the writer did right in this presentation:

- The presentation of an appropriate rephrasing + reasoning foundation
- Correct single opinion explanations in both paragraphs
- The use of personal experience and public opinion as evidence and defence points

However, the writer also has a few grammatical inaccuracies present. These are minimal erron but could affect the presentation clarity and grammar score.


Unclear action reference . The addition of the word "which" after "during" would have made a clear reference to the exam the writer took.


Conjuctions are connecting words for a thought or idea. It cannot therefore, be used at a sentence start where no previous idea has been presented yet.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Agree or Disagree Essay - Railroad vs Roads [3]

Excellent restatement and an equally admirable thesis response. This is a strong response foundation and the TA score will reflect that. I have to admit that even the reasoning paragraphs are well thought out. The writer clearly understood the topic and discussion format requirements. The ideas presented are clear and tremendously relevant to the essay. This piece of writing shows that the writer has the potential to score as high as an 8 or 9. The writer has that ability, but it was underutilized in this presentation.

The writer has only 232 words in this presentation. Not writing 250 words, the writer forced score markdown based on wordcount instead. Further explanation development in every paragraph would have prevented that. Instead of a passing score, the writer may fail instead.

Writing Feedback / STUDYING IN TRADITIONAL CLASSES IS LESS BENEFICIAL THAN LEARNING ONLINE AT HOME [2]


This is a personal reflection of the writer. It is not a correct nor accurate prompt topic replacement. This sentiment is not relevant to the paragraph scoring requirements. This representation will cause a scoring deduction.


An answer was provided but, it is not the proper response as it does not reflect the original prompt topic and discussion question which is:

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The prompt restatement + opinion will recieve a failing mark due to irrelevance. The writer used an A/D response method in an extent essay.

The reasoning paragraphs further confuse the reader due to a comparative discussion presentation. The provided discussion instruction requires 2 paragraphs in support of the writer's opinion. As the overall response discussion approach is incorrect, the essay cannot be awarded a passing score.

Writing Feedback / Opinion essay Social networks are damaging our personal relationships. [2]


You cannot partially with an idea, then provide a definite reason with such strong support. The supporting idea should instead refer to the partial disagreement or, in this case, partial agreement instead. The sentence formation should reflect a partial sentiment as well.


To create the correct response reason format say: ...are partially successful in improving... That response reflects your partial idea. The problem is, your thesis statement does not align with the provided discussion instruction.

Now, on to the reasoning paragraphs that will cause the essay to fail.

The first 2 reasons are invalid because these discuss methods of relationship bonding. The discussion is all about the amount of time spent on the websites. nobody was disagreeing with the fact that social media improves relationships. It is the amount of time people spend on the silts that they disagree about. This is only properly discussed in the 3rd paragraph. That is the only time related discussion presented.

The relevant paragraph is not properly developed and contradicts itself. These are the reasons why the writer has written a long but failing essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: PIE CHART - WATER USE PROPORTIONS [4]


Enumerate the continents. Additionally, this should be presented as the second summary overview sentence.


There are 2 areas cited.These need to be identified individually for accuracy purposes in the trending statement.


Why the over emphasis?This is unnecessary since you are doing a general rather than a focused report. Using that phrase does not imply analysis, just a focus on a topic. It is not needed in a task 1 essay.

You have the potential to score well in this essay. Just remember that you need to provide specific data at the start and offer comparative analysis accurately throughout. More practice is required. This presentation is a good enough start.

Writing Feedback / In the future, the main reason for going to the mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. [2]


This is an automatic task failing scoll. The discussion should focus on only one side. Either agree or disagree. You cannot pick both sides because this is a single opinion essay. You clearly did not understand the instructions and the examiner will realize this and arand a failing task score regardless of the discussion presentation. You need to review the response styles depending on the provided discussion instruction.


This is not an advantage V. disadvantage essay. It is an agree or disagree approach.This is additional proof that you do not understand the task requirement.

The discussion presentation is all over the place. It is so scattered in focus that the examiner will be confused by the presentation. It does not approach the discussion from the assigned format angle.

Writing Feedback / What are the advantages and disadvantages of leading a single life rather than get married ? [2]


You have failed the essay in terms of restatement considerations at this point. The prompt, as you have provided it to me, shows the discussion as only needing a comparison of an advantage and disadvantage. There is no requirement presented for the writer to draw conclusions about the 2 sides.


The conclusion will be another reason for the essay's low score. This time, the same errors in the paraphrasing were made in the summary conclusion.

The comparison paragraphs are well developed and explained. These are supportive of the original discussion requirement. However, the esor in the restatements are what will score down the final mark.The student must make an effort to not alter the discussion rephrasing next time.

Letters / Investigation and biological science - Letter of Motivation for Erasmus Mundus Scholarship. [2]


Remove these references that maybe considered repeated information in your later Issoup. The motivation should focus on your academic and professional goals only.


This should be further developed as the focal point of the letter. This whole sentence actually sums up your academic and career motivations. Work on developing an academic and a seperate career paragraph based on this focus.

The essay is actually empty and lacking relevant content. mostly because of your uncertainty with regards to what the letter should contain. Luckily, you were able to come up with a target topic. Write a new essay that enhances that discussion. This version is only a brainstorming piece.

Scholarship / Management and team building - My Chevening Leadership Essay - Leadership and Influencing Skills [3]

The leadership and influencing discussion is too summarized. Do not tell the reviewer what you did as a leader. Show him. The weakness of the essay lies in the lack of true leadership experiences. Team leadership, conflict resolution, public engagemen, a time leader can narrate how she handled herself in various situations and the impact, consequences, or positive results of your leadership decisions. The focus is good. It relates to emerging local leadership with a potential for national leadership. Implying the continued leadership development will help make it an even stronger presentation. Remove the vagueness. you have to be as specific as you can to become more competitive in the consideration stage.

Writing Feedback / The necessity of schooling children - who should be the most responsible for this task? [3]


Though both are key factors. the response asks you to choose and defend only one side. Note the use of the word "or" to indicate a single opinion choice. While,the restatement is accurate the lack of a clear opinion based on the choice requirement will be scored down. next time, pick one side to use unless asked to discuss both views and give an opinion.


Etc. is a non- academic word. That is used only in casual writing, not in formal writing .


clear evidence that you do not have a clear opinion. Hence the positionless discussion. It will be difficult to say if this will be scored in any way as the discussion requirements were not met by the writer.

Writing Feedback / The time that family members spend gathering to have meals is reducing [2]


There is no need for you to affirm the statement. It is not part of the discussion instruction. You will recieve a deduction due to topic alteration. The willis personal opinion should not be included in a restatement presentation.


This sentence will not recieve any score as it does not respond to the discussion qquestion and instructions. Restating the instructions is not considered part of the task requirements. However, question responses and a discussion outline is scored as a part of the task.


How does this relate to the topic? The connecting example is missing, rendering the paragraph incomplete in tums of discussion requirements.

Your summary conclusion fails to meet the minimum 40 word requirement. 2 sentence presentations are expected. This is another markdown.