Graduate / Statement of Purpose - what area of CS interests you particularly? Masters in Computer Science [2]

Half of this paper is a personal statement. The first half should be removed from this presentation as it does not deal with the purpose of the study. Paragraphs 1-4 are not relevant to the purpose. The latter half can be retained with adjustments to create an appropriate statement of purpose. Paragraph six should be the opening statement. Aside from areas of interest the professional purpose of the studies needs to be highlighted.Studies without career application does not create a solid professional purpose. Since you are applying to a non-work experience masters course, the application will benefit from an expanded after study purpose. The relevance and connection of your study plans with your career would give the paper a definite direction , expectation, and function .

Writing Feedback / Movie fans in different age group who went to the cinema once a month in the UK [2]

There is a redundant word presentation in the essay that affects the clarity and GRA considerations. The word " consistently " was used twice in the same sentence. This error may be found in the second sentence of the trending presentation. This is a clear indicator that the writer did not even attempt to proofread the essay prior to submission. Most of the score lowering problems in this presentation are mostly correctable, had the writer just taken the time to do so.


- What periood is that ? Be specific by mentioning it since a" period" can refer to different time fframes. Vague references affect the C + C considerations.

While all of the graphical data was used, the referencing in the paragraphs lack proper year indicators, leaving the reader with questions rather than answers. The writer falls short in terms of clear and informative paragraphs. Work less on the length, 175 words would be more than sufficient to get a passing score, provided the information clarity exists in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Students' mandatory volunteering in their free time to serve the communities [3]

The writer has changed the original topic reference from "people" to schools. While the opinion response is correct, the thesis statement changed the discussion slant, leading to an unrelated task response. Why is the thesis statement incorrect? The response only asks for qualified reasons to agree or disagree, depending on the writer's chosen opinion. It does not ask the writer to indicate parameters for the volunteer participation. So the opinion essay no longer adheres to the agree or disagree requirements.

Since there is an unrelated discussion presented, that portion will not be given a scoring consideration. While the essay still meets the word count, the presentation is now seen as lacking in fully developed discussion points. The writer might fail to get a passing score overall. The unrelated paragraph will work better in an extent essay presentation.

Writing Feedback / Some countries have introduced a law to limit working for employees. Why is the law introduced. [4]

The student was off to a good start with a strong restatement + opinion response. It is fairly obvious that the writer understood the writing topic and requirements for the discussion. However, the same cannot be said for the reasoning and opinion paragraphs in the body of the presentation. The writer has English sentence formation issues. He also has several spelling issues in the presentation that, when combined with the sentence problems, led to a totally incoherent explanation in the required discussion paragraphs. It is impossible for the exam taker to gain a passing score beyond the TA section. He can only recieve failing scores in the remaining sections, specially in the C + C and GRA sections.

Spelling Issue Samples:
concequence - consequence
pycological - psychological

Clarity Problem:


- As a RESULT, family... PSYCHOLOGICAL conditions...

Punctuation and Grammar Error:
Generally, people who, works on overtime job, are prone to health complications.

Writing Feedback / The chart show the ratio of male and female teachers in UK schools at different education levels [3]

The lack of image reference for me to refer to prevents me from being properly helpful with my advise to this student. I am concerned about the accuracy of the data provided. This is worrisome because the sentences and overall paragraphs have several presentation problems that prevent a clear understanding of the report. Lessons in preposition, adjective, and adverb usage are necessary. Formation of sentences around these writing rules will help being a better structure and clearer information references in the sentences and paragraphs. The varied punctuation usage is a plus for the writer though as it shows an attempt on the writeris part to add dimension to his writing.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - the number of Vietnamese students studying abroad in three countries [3]

The most obvious problem of the test taker emanates from the LR section. The writer is using the archaic term " millions" which has not been used in regular English writing since the 1800's. There are actually differences in writing the plural form of "million" in modern times. As a rule, S is not added in the following scenarios:

- When following a definite number reference ( 1.5 million )
- As a quantifier reference ( several million students )

An S is only added at the end when a generic numerical reference is inferred ( millions of students ).

The other grammar errors are minimal in nature, with the plural situation being the biggest concern as the error is repeated throughout the presentation. Not to worry though, the report remains highly understandable to the reader and provides the expected writing format.

Writing Feedback / Traditional subjects or a more modern approach to prepare students for today's world challenges [3]

The topic is about the relevance of traditional subjects being taught in school. Traditional subjects cover classes taught such as reading , writing , math, science , languages, history, etc. These are the topics (subjects ) learned when attending school. Academic performance relates to the grades or level of learning / learning ability of the student. Based on there differences, it is easy to understand why the prompt restatement is incorrect. When considering that the discussion question asks : "to what extent do you agree or disagree?", it also appears that the question response is incorrect in both the restatement + opinion and concluding summary paragraphs. The task is never accurately represented in both TA score based paragraphs.

The student is attempting to focus on vocabulary skills to enhance this score. The problem with this, is that the advanced English words do not really apply to everyday English writing. The student obviously used a dictionary while writing and based his word usage on "complicated"' word choices, requiring an academic specially to understand what he is saying when simple everyday english would have sufficed and prevented GRA and LR reductions due to incorrect word usage and confusing statements. Had the writer written a simply worded essay within 250-300 words, these mistakes would have been avoided.

Writing Feedback / Evolution of horses' hooves. How to use vocabulary more professionally in science essays? [2]

The writer has an incorrect image identification in the summary paragraph. Rather than a diagram, a physical illustration was provided for analysis and reporting. A diagram is defined as a figure, usually consisting of a line drawing, made to accompany and illustrate a geometrical theorem, mathematical demonstration. A physical illustration though is based on the rootword "illustrates"," meaning to furnish (a book, magazine, etc.) with drawings, pictures, or other artwork intended for explanation, elucidation, or adornment. Correct word usage is critical to the LR and TA score in this task. The reference words used must be precise. Never use the description or image name in the original presentation. That is part of the vocabulary and analysis test. The rest of the descriptive presentation is acceptable and falls under scoring considerations and should recieve satisfactory scores.

Writing Feedback / Working and studying away from home due to affordable and available technology [2]

"Is" refers to a third person indicative reference. Person refers to singular reference. The phrase " bevy of advantages" is in plural form and reference. " Is " should therefore be replaced with "are" which is a present indicative plural and more appropriate for use in this particular statement.


Insert a variation of the word positive (positively believe) to attain the keyword reference synonym that would still keep the response clearly related to the response format expectation. Do the same in the concluding summary.

Overall it is a good discussion. The reference points are easily understood even though some grammar issues can be found in the presentation. A review of pronoun usage guidelines should help the student gain a better score in the future.

Scholarship / Fascination with Korean culture and psychology - personal statement for KGSP - Psychology major [3]

The applicant appears to have previously completed an U degree already. A situation that could lead to the application being considered less than the primary degree applicants. If that is not the case, then it should be made clearer to the reviewers. There is a portion in this essay that portrays the applicant as a wandering, unfocused person, lacking any true ambition that was seriously pursued. such a lack of proper motivation and related extra and co. curricular activities makes this a less considerable application. The writer tends to contradict himself in the essay as well. A scholarship is fear students who are lacking in study funds who wish to continue studying locally or abroad. By saying that the applicants father is a self-made wealthy man who lives extravagantly, the student has practically assured the rejection of this application.

Writing Feedback / The contribution of three sectors - agriculture, manufacturing, and business for the economy in UK [4]

Limit the task 1 essay to 200 words provided within 3 reporting paragraphs. This is the first obvious problem of this presentation. It is not scannable for data. The summary overview is a run- on, that led to a confusing short data presentation. Strive for summary clarity through the use of seperate information sentences. The score for this section is based on clear and quick references, not compressed data.

While the measurement is based on the keyword pucent or percentage, the miter should not have used the singular ten throughout the report. The LR score was limited by the lack of comparative wordusage such as ratio, proportio, and rate. Words that would indicated more sentence variety and English vocabulary knowledge.

Scholarship / Recommendation letter for a student specialized in electronics - undergraduate GKS Scholarship [3]

Two points of reference should be removed from this presentation. The first, is the reference to the internship and the second, is the reference to sporting interests.

The letter must remain focused on the classroom set-up because it is being written by a teacher who has 2 years classroom experience with the student. References to both years would help develop the student image as expected. The teacher is not privy to the internship experience. That reference should be written by the internship supervisor instead. The same goes for the sport reference needing to be written by the team coach.

Each topic of reference needs specialized writing. It is the inclusion of unrelated discussions that will tell the reviewer that the student wrote the letter, leading to a disqualification due to dishonesty.

Writing Feedback / Recently, more emphasis has been put on when to commence teaching foreign language to children [3]

The writer needs to understand that using advanced English words that do not lend itself to everyday conversation does not help to increase the overall score. A task 2 essay is approached from an easy to read and understand reference point. Aim to explain to the everyday reader, not an academic or professional audience. Specialized writing in terms of terminology is (sometimes) used in Task 1 essays only as that is the essay that specifies an audience and field related terms. Do not overcomplicate the task 2 presentation. That is when the score tends to suffer the most.

A better analysis of the topic presentation is required. The focus is on language learning in a classroom setting. A child's playtime is not relevant to the discussion. Inclusion of researched information with mention of the source does not mean it is public knowledge.That means it was researched. Made up information is acceptable and should be referred to without sources to stay within the discussion guidelines.

The discussion presented is strong and shows a knowledge of current events. The writer must learn to use a natural sounding voice though rather than setting out to impress. Simplicity of discussion scores best because of the focus on discussion quality and ease of presentation.

Writing Feedback / Preserve old buildings whenever possible or construct new buildings [5]


This is the response to the question provided for the discussion. It should be in the restatement + personal opinion paragraph first, then repeated in the summary conclusion. This is a clearer personal opinion statement when compared to the restatement and opinion entry. This creates a more academically formatted thesis statement.

Vocabulary building is a must for this student. He must avoid making up English words. Terms such as " unmodern" do not exist in any English dictionary version. It will lower the vocabulary score for the exam taker.

in the second paragraph, the explanation suddenly changes from the value of old buildings to a reason why it should be torn down. This is an unexpected turn that reduced the clarity of that sentence. Unrelated points must be transitioned into and discussed in a seperate paragraph to preserve coherence in the discussion.

The essay is actually proof of academic discussion skills on the part of the exam taker. Further improvement is required in specific sections to further boost his score in specific areas.

Scholarship / GKS-U Personal Statement for Industrial Engineering Major; build an effective and efficient industry [3]

The first passage that must be deleted is the Soekarno quote. The reviewers understand how public figures inspire people.They also know that applicants use these quotes as a method to impress the reviewers. it often fails to achieve that task. The inspiring words of a personal mentor and his influence on the applicant creates a more warmly received explanation. The personal relationship with a teacher is far more inspiring and tells the reviewers a lot more about you as a person and student than the words of a popular figure.

While the development of your interest in Korean culture is admirable, it does not prove that Korean advancement in relation to Industrial engineering or food science inspired your scholarship and education choice. Proof of your interest in this area as represented by the Korean food industry is a must. Reduce the cultural interest to make room for the necessary motivation instead.

Writing Feedback / It is argued that parents ought to be heavily punished for letting their offspring to be fat [2]

The first reasoning paragraph is obviously researched and does not meet the public knowledge or personal insight into the topic. The examiner will identify this entry as such and not include it in the scoring consideration. Provided that the student will have access to exterior sites at the testing center which, he won't. The exam taker must be capable of logic and reasoning as a part of the C + C requirements. These 2 aspects do not require research. Personal observations will do.

The writer fails to prove that obesity is the fault of the parents. There are no references to the action of the parents that can cause this. Evidence should be provided in relation to the parents decision making with regards to any of the following: food intake, choices, and lifestyle. The general reference used fails to consider genetics and congenital illnesses that do not relate to unhealthy lifestyle choices or parental neglect.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Living in a modern world brings both positive and negative outcomes [4]

The writer uses a unique hook that does not stray too much from the original. It still managed to stick to the original discussion points. The student tends to use redundancies though which affect the vocabulary score (e.g. late past). Over-emphasis is acceptable provided redundancies are avoided in the presentation.

The over-generalization and lack of specific discussion focus does not provide the necessary discussion analysis and opinion presentation abilities of the student. Merely stating conveniences and inconveniences as an enumerated list does not satisfy the reasoning, supporting example, and opinion requirements of the task. The lack of clear support and developed discussion will adversely affect the final score.

Having a long essay that goes over 300 words presents potential failing reasons:
- Discussion deviations
- Misdirected discussion focus in relation to the topic
- Under developed reasoning
- LR and GRA errors that remain uncorrected
- Lack of discussion clarity

All these errors are present in this essay.

Writing Feedback / ielts writing task 2: TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING CAN BE BAD - overwhelming number of choices [2]

Some task questions tend to sound like research prompts, but they are not. These are all mere personal opinion papers that need to be explained in 250-300 words , or 40 minutes, whichever comes first. The writer has overdone the work for the prompt. It was unnecessary to write almost 500 words. Research and scientific names for medical conditions are also overkill. In fact, it should not be done. The main criteria for evidence is personal insight and public knowledge. The exam taker will be prevented ffrom accessing researchable information at the testing site. Keep it simple and easy to read. Save the academic research discussion for when writing actual course related papers already. The discussion must focus on simple reasons that support the writer's opinion instead.

Writing Feedback / Global warming is increasing day by day. What are the causes of global warming and what can be done [2]

The prompt paraphrase and thesis statement paragraph will be considered too elementary in presentation. It lacks at least an advanced high school grammar and insight level. There are times when the paraphrase + response presentation is too simplistic and will not get a high preliminary TA score. This is one of those times.

Do not use "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" to start discussions that are not comparative in nature. Being a problem + solution discussion proper topic references at the start of the paragraphs will more properly direct the reader in terms of content. clearly indicate which is the problem paragraph and which is the solution paragraph. word fillers are not always applicable and quite often creates confusion for the reader during the preliminary reading

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Should countries invite foreign companies to open their branches to boost the economy? [2]

When presenting a comparison + personal opinion essay, the writer must not be seen as trying to convince the reader to side with his opinion. All discussions must be presented in a way that leaves the final decision to the reader. The statement


should not be present in this paragraph as it creates a forced decision for the reader.

The discussion paragraphs are faulty in the sense that the writer is presenting repeated personal opinions rather than explaining the validity of each public opinion, countered by a personal opinion in the same paragraph. The discussions are not properly balanced in the paragraph presentations. Familiarity with the 2 discussion types for this essay will help the writer decide which discussion format will be easier for him to use when responding to this discussion instruction. Use either:

- 2 public opinion analysis paragraphs + Personal opinion

OR

- One public opinion explanation + personal opinion in the same paragraph (done twice, once for each point of new).

Writing Feedback / Cars and cycles mixed on the same roadway might cause some problems [2]

The writer has failed to consider that a major part of the globe now have bike lanes in the streets. These lanes were created specifically to avoid the problems that having cars and bicycles using the same street creates. The only problem that these 2 types of private transport creates is when making turns or changing lanes. This is the problem representation error in the essay.

The writer has more problems than the aforementioned in the essay. One of the score reducing problems relates to word usage and thought clarity. Specific mention has to be made about the following sentence portion.:

... they can be ineluctable the physical injuries as far as lethaI

The writer suddenly decided to "go big" with his word usage without considering its actual meaning and relevance in the simple sentence presentation. It is an unsuccessful attempt at writing a complex sentence. It is a confusing presentation that proves the need for more simple vocabulary development and sentence development skills of the writer.

It is a good attempt. The writer truly has potential in terms of passing the test. Focusing on improving the aforementioned problem points should help the writer gain more presentation clarity in the lougreen.

Writing Feedback / The graph demonstrates the variation in the birth rates of two countries, namely China and the USA [2]

While China is known as Chine in some parts of the world, the country must be referred to by the name in the image. The accuracy of the report is heavily scored and that includes the ability of the writer to use the provided information accurately. There should also bea more accurate recognition of the image given. Refer to the "line" chart because that is the precise name of the image. The "graph" is a general tim that should be converted into more accurate terms when reported.


Specific year references are needed to prevent information confusion in this statement.

The last paragraph has the least analysis presented. Add another sentence or two for a more balanced presentation. It must have a similar presentation to the first 2 paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / Children are facilitated to learn the second language at the early age [2]

The question posed for this topic is: "Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?" The response of the exam taker is therefore, incorrect. By offering:" This prevailing trend obviously results in both strengths and shortcomings." as a response, a prompt deviation has been created. The response fails to align itself with the provided question. It is not a related discussion presentation.

The essay is of an impressive length.However, the discussion does not connect with the opinion creation instructions. A long essay that does not relate to the prompt is a failing essay. The writer failed to understand the response format requirement. This quite possibly relates to the confusion of the writer in relation to discussion format. Further essay response familiarity is required if the exam-taker is to write relevant opinion presentations.

Writing Feedback / Happiness is difficult to define because it is different/distinctive to each individual person [2]

It is important that the writer does not indicate any statements of fact or truth in the topic Islaliment. Only the orginal topic must be paraphrased as closelyas possible without any alterations or additions to the original. That is a requirement of the task accuracy score. When an attestation is added, a topic alteration occurs that changes the orginal content and intent of the presentation. Deductions shall apply to that section of the restatement.

The reasoning paragraphs are pretty much clear and on point. There is oom for enhanced explations since the essay is only 260 something words. The ideal is 275. That is the perfect word number to achieve overall maximum scoring credits for an already well presented essay.

Writing Feedback / Tourism is becoming a good source of revenue to many countries. Discuss advantages and drawbacks. [2]

The essay is 243 words and does not meet the word requirements for the task. An addition to that shortcoming, it also appears that the student combined 2 different tourism discussion points for this presentation. sadly, each topic the usites chose had a different discussion format to be followed. That is why the First paragraph is a confusing mess that does not offer a coherent representation of the discussion topic and writing style to be used in the reasoning paragraphs. The prompt restatement is a failure in terms of clearly restating the topic basis, making it difficult to assess if the correct response style was used.

The reasoning paragraphs seem to not have a clear topic sentence. What is a smokeless industry and how does it relate to tourism? The inclusion of national image and culture is understandable but largely explained in an inefficient manner. The thoughts of the writer needs to be better thought out, drafted, and converted to English to create an effective paragraph.

The writer has very little control of his English word usage and sentence presentations. Further improvements in these areas are needed before the writer proceeds with more essay practice teats.

Scholarship / GKS-U PERSONAL STATEMENT - Architectural Engineering Major [2]

The reviewer wishes to get to know the applicant through lien own words. The constant use of citations in the essay does not help accomplish that. To refer to these people as inspirations is one thing, using their words to describe you though, is unacceptable because the idol and the applicant are 2 different people. The reviewers prefer originals to applicants who try to become copycats by insinuating a commonality between known names and themselves. Talk of inspiration but, never cite their words to describe your personality, emotions, or beliefs.

By the way, the application is for an undergraduate course. Why is the term "pursued" used then? Has the student already completed a related undergraduate course? If so then the student will be disqualified as he should be applying for an M instead. Correct the reference word if it is incorrect.

Remove group accomplishment references. Only individual accomplishments matter in this case. Regardless of whether it is a co or extra curricularactivity, it is the individual accomplishment that matters. Specific mention of the competition name is a must as well. Do not make vague references because, if you are called in for an interview, follow-up questions will be asked.

Writing Feedback / These days, admiring celebrities are assumed to make many postitive effects on fan's living. IELTS 2 [2]

The writer has offered a diplomatic response without considering that there is a scoring criteria for opinion clarity. There are I options for the response. One must be chosen to represent a clear opinion. The position presented by the writer is a non-response that delivers an indefinite opinion. This led to a comparison discussion in an essay that requires a single point of new. Unless told to discuss both the positive and negative effects of the proposed topic, then a comparison discussion is unacceptable. Provide a clear opinion as required in the TA section forthe overall discussion.

The mere fact that the writer uses the word "assume" in the conclusion proves that there was discussion deviation in the essay. When defined, "assume" , in verb form indicates, "to take for granted or without proof." That word use alone negates the whole discussion as not applicable to the prompt since no obvious s support was provided by the writer. Provide an arguement that can be supported within 2 reasoning paragraph. Fulfill the debate requirement of the discussion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 : The average house expenses in England and its capital city – London [2]

When more than one image Is provided, the writer needs to properly identify and differentiale between the Images in individual paragraphs and compawson discussions /reports that is because the water needs to be clear on which image is being discussed. Since the images are seperated by titles the writer should take advantage of the clarity it helps provide in the report.

Speaking of clarity, the writer has a problem with keeping his report coherent in the report. The use of run-on sentences tends to blur the direction of each sentence and paragraph. The constant use of commas also affect the quality of the report. Both problems pose high deductions in the GRA score portion.

Writing Feedback / The chart shows the unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012. [3]

The writer needs to consider the time limitation when creating the report. It must be completed within 175-200 words only. Any more words and proofreading, In relation to the final score will be affected. A 5 minute editing time pocket is practically mandatory for this task. Trust me when I say the corrections and improvements - made during this time will be beneficial to the final score of the exam taker.

The image shows more than one circumstance reference. There must be an S added to the singular word to create the plural reference form, the correct word to be used in the sentence. There is a reference made to trends twice in the report. Reformat the second trend. There is a single trending statement requirement for this task.

Writing Feedback / Food/drinks/tobacco;clothing/footwear and leisure/education - Ielts 1: "Table" essay [2]

The data analysis will be scored down immediately due to the lack of proper page formatting. The examiner is expectinga 3 paragraph presentation that represents a summary overview and 2 report + comparison paragraphs. This compressed presentation does not help the writer meet the comparison report requirements.The analysis of the information needs to be more thorough - in terms of presentation, which is why there is a paragraph presentation requirement. Even though the wordcount was met, these did not mean that all the formatting writing, and analysis requirements were completely met. The writer took reporting shortcuts that will definitely limit the scoring potential of the report.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1: The line graph compares the amount of waste produced by three companies over fifteen years [2]

The summary overview is acceptable. The information is concise enough but missing a reference to the measurement type to complete the information highlights. The measurement type can be inserted anywhere within the short form information or trending statement. For creativity, it will be best to include the reference in the trending part.

Since this is a straightforward report, it is an interpretation of provided data. It must not contain any references to a personal opinion such as" remarkable". The insight must remain objective without any personal influence.

There are 2 intersecting lines in the graph. The perfect comparison points to highlight in the presentation. This was overlooked by the writer when the inclusion of that discussion would have been a definite score boost in the C + C section.

Writing Feedback / Do you think that one aims of the Olympic Games is to improve relationships among countries. [2]

207 words is far less than the 250 word minimum. The essay preliminary score will be reduced to a failing mark due to the necessary deductions that will be applied to the TA score for non- word event compliance. The writer has already failed the test even before actual scoring began. Added penalties will be applied because of the discussion format ensor of the student. The actual topic for discussion is , " Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues." The student opted to discuss only the first part of the presentation. Then, the discussion instruction, " Discuss both sides and give your own opinion." was altered to become an extent ' presentation instead. Therefore, the total essay has not met any of the discussion requirements and cannot recieve a passing score. The writer has shown a proven inability to follow English writing instructions. I do not believe it is due to a lack of comprehension skills. He just chose to ignore the given instructions.

Writing Feedback / More and more students study abroad. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. [2]

The indefinite article "a" is used to refer to the singular form of a word. so the word "a" should precede "student" in the first sentence. However, a problem occurred due to the plural forms of certain words presented at the start. Once a reference becomes plural in form, then the indefinite article can no longer be used. In the first sentence, plural references are used for "days and ages" so the indefinite article rule no longer applies. The definite article "the" should then be used along with the plural form "students ". Singular and plural forms should not be combined in a sentence or paragraph.

The student misuses the word" issue " in the presentation. The correct reference, based on the discussion instruction is "experience" , making reference to the events that the student will be involved in based on an advantageous or disadvantageous kind.

The concluding summary is confusing. It must cover 2 seperate thought presentations to bring coherence to the paragraph.

Scholarship / Nutrition scholarship - Strength and Weakness Essay [2]

The first strength is too simple to represent a notable skill. That presentation is also one that is common among teachers. It is not a stand-out strength when compared to the next 2 skill presentations. Replace the first skill with a more notable strength that would help enhance the next 2 strengths. - the strengths shows that the last 2 strengths enhances and supports one another.

Being a self critical person contradicts the second weakness. A self-critic will never be a procrastinator because the main character of a procrastinator is a lack of care for what has to be accomplished. The self-critical person would never allow for procrastination to take hold of him. Replace one of the 2 to avoid confusion in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Should government impose higher price on fuel for vehicles to curb environmental problems? [2]

The task 2 essay should be written with up to 300 words only, within 40 minutes. It is an opinion writing task, but not a vocabulary focused essay. While the essay should be focused on a possible academic audience, it should not be turned into an oration either. simplicity is key to actual impressive task 2 writing scores. Exaggerated vocabulary ends up trying to impress the examiner in the wrong way. Every"big" word used must be done so in the proper content or the LR score will be reduced due to improper word usage. This is exactly what happened several times in this presentation. Had the with used simple everyday words to establish his explanation, he would have seen a far better LR scaring credit overall. Keeping it simple, short, and professional is what the examiner expects from the test taker. The presentation is good, but trying too hard to gain favor, which led to forced ethors in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / The advent of TV cannot make live performance loss its value [4]

The writer cannot expect his arguement to convince the reader of his thisis statement /opinion when he is not convinced that his opinion is true. Why is the idea delivered that of an unclear opinion? The first reasoning paragraph justifies the reasons why streaming services have rendered live performances obsolete. since he is convinced of these reasons validity he has removed the believability of any reasons he may provide for his own opinion. He has failed to deliver a clearly supported personal opinion as required by the major scoring element of the task because he suddenly decided to support both sides.. Only his stated opinion must be presented in this discussion to convince the reader. He could have retained the supporting opinion of the opposite side only if he were to show why that opinion was incorrect when compared to his.

The writer also has a problem using correct English words to form his sentences:


So the writer is are saying that streaming technology does not deliver entertainment value?


- But the writer implied that streaming does not aid in entertainment. Conflicting statements can lead to failed coherence and cohesiveness, as well as Grammar Range and Accuracy scores due to confusing thought references.

The presentation also takes place in real time so current active references should be used throughout.

Writing Feedback / The optimal way to alleviate youth crimes is to instruct their parents with parental techniques [2]

To what extent is that? The word "extent" refers to a degree a certain thing is referred to. Using the term does not deliver the response strength required of the statement response. An actual measurement is required based on an emotional context. The response was rendered incorrect and incomplete without it. The thesis statement does not deliver the expected response format. To what extent is the given statement rendered true? The writer should have used the following response method:

I believe this statement is true to the extent that (reason). There is another option to consider which is...

After stating the option, the reasoning paragraphs should provide 2 reasons why the option is correct. A comparison discussion must be avoided in an extent issay since it requires evidence of support for the writer's opinion. This is not ever to be written as a double opinion essay since a singular point of view is sought in the discussion question. Only the second paragraph applies to the present discussion. The presentation is not strong enough for a passing score due to its presentation and discussion shortcomings.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. [2]

The thesis statement is incomplete. It offers a reason but not a result. So that introduction is not as complete as it could have been. The score could be limited since the data is incompletely presented. The writer need not have mentioned unrelated info like the billion dollar industry. A complete 3 sentence presentation would have been better. Only the following were really needed in the paragraph:

- Topic restatement w/o added information
- 2 related reasons
- 2 results related to reasons

Charm is related to the character of a person. It is not related to the beauty industry in the implied physical manner. It is an unrelated topic discussion that does not help increase the score of the paragraph. Use related topics only.

The results do not relate to the reasons. Neither do these relate to one another. There is no clear commonality that indicates a fully developed and topic, reasoning related results discussion. The writer understood the topic and discussion instructions. However, he struggled to find related results towards the end of the presentation. It is a good essay but needs more related discussion development in-the aforementioned section.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: The bar chart shows the percentage of elderly citizens in three countries... [2]

The analytical presentations are to summarized in every paragraph, except for the summary overview and tending presentation paragraph. I realize that there is a 20 minute writing limitation but, the writer is still expected to present a thorough analysis per paragraph. Quick reviews in 2 sentences are run-on presentations. These lack in analysis and comparison development.

Yes, it is the quickest way to deliver the report but, it sacrifices clarity and writing quality in the process. As far as academic writing standards are considered, The writer needs to use at last 3 independent thought sentences per paragraph. It is the independent thought sentences in relation to the provided data that will create the necessary accuracy, clarity, and comparison analysis in the report. Do there and the high passing score will be assured.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1:The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK. [2]

The writer's analysis could be better presented. Right now, it does not fully utilize the percentage measurements in the chart.The data references are vague for the most part. A fully analyzed paragraph presents a comparison analysis of facts based on figures from the presentation. While individual reporting is important, a comparison of similar or opposing figures in a stand-alone paragraph will be considered in the coherence and cohesiveness score. Such a paragraph analysis will complete the discussion presentation and complete the analysis requirements. The writer shows an ability to present an effective summary report. There is an evident apprehension though to perform a more thorough and interesting analysis. It will also be helpful if the writer utilized more transition words per paragraph.