Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: More good news on the media [4]

@nimbus2k2
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

First and foremost, try to compose with more intention. Look at your introductory paragraph. The first sentence does not quite have an impact, considering that it fails to showcase the overall tone and message that you're bound to deliver in the latter portions of your text.

Furthermore, try to make concise your sentences. Say, for instance, there are better ways to phrase the succeeding lines. You can opt to omit words that are unnecessary for building the message - this will help you have a more put-together approach to writing.

I also think that your paragraphs tend to be too packed. Although, this might be a personal preference - not necessarily a required prerequisite.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: living in foreign countries and language issue [3]

@linhchin
Hello there. Let me provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

Firstly, I would improve on the overall tone of your essay. Notice how some portions appear to be informal because of your phrasing. For instance, in the first paragraph, you can try rephrasing the last line differently in order to attain a stronger front for your writing. What instead can you say aside from these issues being "too serious to be solved"?

Secondly, the next paragraph has quite an off-putting approach when it comes to laying down the details. Aside from pointing everything out from one end to another, try to merge altogether your thoughts to appear less cluttered overall. If you do this, you'll have more an integrated approach to writing rather than a disorganized discernment.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Best way to resolve the problems of big traffic and pollution by introducing higher price of petrol [2]

@rivathh
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on your content.

Firstly, I commend the fact that your writing is well-composed. You also had quite a smooth transition between your sentences, making the delivery of your thoughts put-together. I would only suggest attempting to improve the structure of your writing by utilizing appropriate grammar tools. If you do this, you'll be able to sharpen the entirety of your text. I would recommend looking over your usage of punctuation all throughout.

Try to also evade the placement of unnecessary lines. If you do this, you'll have more space to have discursive content. For instance, your second to the last paragraph's first lines were too bulky. You could have cut down on the overexplanations to pave way for discursive writing.

Best of luck as always.

Graduate / What is the benefit of becoming a GOI-IES Scholar? [3]

@stella898
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. Let me provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

First and foremost, try to create more concise sentences through utilizing writing techniques that'll help you cut down on the overall structure. For instance, in your first sentence, you could have opted to say: "My professional and personal aspirations lead to project management." Notice how simply merging altogether your words will help you curate smoother sentence flows.

When describing particular events, try to also focus your attention on prioritizing fluidly your thoughts. When structuring content, you can then focus on the personal or the professional aspect of your goals. Having a directed focus will help you create more depth in your writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Home work has disadvantages, but it's helpful for students [5]

@CamVan2411
Hello there. I apologize for the delay. But I'm here to provide you with concrete writing feedback on your essay.

Firstly, incorporate the usage of words that'll help you trim down the essay's bulkiness. What this pertains to is, for instance, mentioning increasing instead of more and more. Notice how they're synonymous words but the former appears more academic than the latter.

You also need to focus more on incorporating more formality in your language. For instance, try to maintain the usage of formal words all throughout, avoiding too much influx of colloquial terms. This will help you elevate your overall writing.

Trim down your sentences. Avoid run-on lines. Organize your thoughts through a bottom-up approach.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Sharing scientific / business / academic information - pros and cons - ielts [3]

@Styles
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll do my best to provide you with writing feedback.

Firstly, to have more space for meaningful content, try to evade the usage of unnecessary lines. This will help you incorporate more depth by giving you space to be utilized for adding in concrete examples. For instance, in your opening sentence, you could have opted to either focus on the convenience or on the ease brought in by technology. Having a directed focus will help you save space in your writing.

Try to evade the usage of unnecessary words as well. For instance, filler words such as tons and some can be removed in order to maximize your writing space.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2- the pursuit of student working or traveling in a gap year [2]

@s410377088
Hi there. I'll provide you with writing feedback

Firstly, ensure that you maintain an academic tone for your writing through the usage of terms that'll help you make more concise and meaningful sentences. Try to evade clustering synonymous phrases and lines as doing so will not help improve the overall depth of your writing.

Clarity is critical when writing. In your conclusion, try to focus on one trajectory when expounding. Which pursuit in particular are you referring to? Has this gap year truly been proven to improve their dedication in this respect? How are you certain with these thoughts?

Remember to avoid vague when you are writing. Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Governments should focus on economic progress or other types of improvement are equally important? [3]

@YHLin
Hello there. Let me provide you with writing feedback.

Firstly, I recommend trimming down some portions of your text. For instance, the first paragraph appears to be quite cluttered because of the composition's flow. You appeared to have a cluster of thoughts jumbled altogether. It would be nice to have decent pauses with the usage of punctuation and spacing between thought clusters.

Try to also incorporate more concrete examples along the way to assist you expounding your thoughts with more depth. Remember the diversity and dynamism are both essential blocks for writing.

If you can be clearer and more concise with your words, you'll foster a more advanced attitude towards building an academic tone.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / My Opinion of Job Satisfaction [3]

@Joycechen
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll be providing you with writing feedback to hopefully assist you in your learning journey.

Firstly, ensure that you have the appropriate usage of tenses and forms of verbs/words as you are writing. Keeping up with the fundamentals of writing will assist you in maintaining an academic tone throughout this writing process, making your essay more discernable for the readers.

Try to also shorten the overall length of your paragraphs. For example, the second paragraph is quite excessively packed; you can opt to sub-divide it into two paragraphs or trim down the latter portions.

Maintain balance as you are writing. Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Soulmate Friends - Compare and Contrast Essay (point by point method) [2]

@Kimdash
Hello there. Let me provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

Firstly, try to make concise your sentences. If you can opt to remove particular words to help you maximize your essay's content, you can opt to do so. This will elevate your writing style. For instance, your introductory sentence could have been phrased as: "Have you met someone and felt like you've known them for years?" Notice how removing a few words can go a long way.

I would also suggest trimming down the length of your essay. Some portions were quite hefty, making them immensely difficult to digest for readers. This was obvious for the second to the third paragraph.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / TOFEL Writing test_Do you agree with that in twenty years there will be fewer cars? [2]

@ClaireQQ
Hi there. Let me provide you with writing feedback.

First and foremost, ensure that the forms of your verbs are correct. Remember to keep consistent all throughout your language. If you start out with plurals, maintain it. Remembering these fundamental rules is key.

Furthermore, try to also evade the usage of excessive words. When writing, write with intention and precision. Unnecessary words can be avoided to help you clear out space in your essay. If you do this, you'll have more space for substantive content. This will enable you to have more room for depth. Remember to use alternative words that are easier to understand. For instance, not necessary can be changed to unnecessary.

These small changes will go a long way. Best of luck!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - OBESITY IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM WHICH AFFECTS MANY [4]

@thaonguyen1902
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback on your writing. I hope you find this beneficial to your English learning process.

Firstly, your sentences have a tendency to be quite cluttered sometimes. Try to focus more onadding structure and dimension to your writing through incorporating more pauses and punctuation (in the appropriate places). If you do this, you'll improve the overall flow of your writing.

If you can also, try to incorporate more concrete examples to expound your thoughts and opinions. For instance, give examples and illustrations that vividly portray how specifically these healthy lifestyle habits can affect the overall behavior of children.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Student attendance in four schools - WRITING TASK 1 [3]

@Longan
Hello there. I don't know if it's just me, but I cannot actually see the graph you have provided. It would be better if you could have clarified this in order toassist us in providing feedback for your writing exercise.

In general, the flow of your essay is quite put-together when it comes to the overall content that you have. I would only recommend trying to emphasize more on specific portions. Try to have more organization when you are descibing in order to have more clarity in the language of your text. In addition to this, try to also structure your sentences in a simpler and more concise manner. Do not squeeze in too much information in your text. For instance, in your second paragraph, the last sentence appears to be quite cluttered because of this rationale.

Best of luck as always.

Graduate / 'I find it fascinating how data has impacted our lives' - SOP for Masters In Data science at USC [3]

@VishalTyagi247
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

While the general composition and content that you have is quite fascinating already, I would recommend restructuring and moving around specific portions in order to assist you in the process of curating substantive content. What this means is, for instance, you can start your essay with an anecdote. Doing this will help you personalize your writing to create a more in-depth tone. If you have this, you'll be able to hook your readers easier to your written content, convincing them that you truly deservev this.

Instead of putting out everything you have accomplished, I would recommend trying to phrase things as more of general contributions that you have placed on the table. Show vividly how you have been able to add to any prior commitments. What makes you stand out specifically? What have you done that others have not?

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, most people would purchase ready-made food than cook at home. [4]

@Cherry may
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on your writing to assist you in this process.

Firstly, try to focus on improving the clarity of your language. For instance, instead of mentioning that something is for "educational purposes", try to just mention that people are often too busy with nonpersonal affairs to give sufficient time for cooking. If you can have this more striaghtforward approach to writing, you'll be able to curate meaningful sentences. This will help you trim down your writing - at the same time, you'll be able to focus more on prioritizing content that you truly need in the long-term.

Furthermore, I would improve the structure of your conclusion. You can create this portion with a smoother flow if you can transition in between your sentences with more intention.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Young people should be leader or the old ones? [2]

@Dang Khoa
Hello there. I hope you're doing well. I'll try my best to help you in this essay. I hope this will be beneficial for your essay in the long-run.

In general, I do think you are right when you say that you need to reduce the overall length of your essay to create a more concise structure. Doing this will help you have more meaningful sentences iwthin a shorter frame. In order to do this, I recommend evading the usage of filler words that do not contribute to the overall sentence of your writing. For instance, evade using the word "some" when it's unnecessary. The fundamental rule of thumb that you can follow is that, if you can remove a specific word and still have the same meanignful content, you can opt to remove it.

Best of luck as always. I hope these guidelines wiwll help you.

Undergraduate / Heart Covered in Spider Webs - NYU Film and Television, Personal Story [2]

@DarthPhaedr
Hello there. Let me provide you with writing feedback on your content.

Firstly, I appreciate the extensive usage of language in order to vividly explain the thoughts and opinions of the individuals in your story. You had clarity when it came down to expounding on the fundamentals of the situation, assisting in the overall discussion of how your had established the meaning you were attempting to establish. I would only recommend that you try to focus more on creating more concise sentences in order to assist the readers in having a smoother process whe it comes to reading. Try to write with more intention and meaning.

For instance, the flow of the last paragraphs was quite put-together already. Try to apply that in the beginning paragraphs that you had.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / People in huge cities either live alone or in small family units instead of a large, extended family [4]

@Doan Ngoc
Hello there. I'm going to provide you with writing feedback on your essay.

Firstly, I recommend trying to make concrete the structure of your content through curating more straightforward patterns of writing. Try to evade the usage of repetitive words in order to help you maximize the space that you have. By doing this, you'll be able to foster more meaningful analysis that will help readers have a more in-depth understanding of your words.

Furthermore, try to also use more vivid illustrations. You can do this through incorporating more concrete examples that'll help you emphasize more on the language that you're building and the tone that you're constructing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Advantages of reading online - cheapness, convenience, and portability [3]

@tranphuongnhi
Hello there. While quite late, I'll try my best to provide you with a bit of writing feedback on your writing. I hope this assists you somehow still.

The structure and manner of composition of some of your lines can be confusing. Try to carry a firmer tone when you're writing to ensure that you do not lose the meaning of your words. You can do this through focusing more on the specific meaning of words. For instance, try to be specific. What do you mean by how "mobile banking" has made "online reading"? If you can be more specific as to how this has progressed, it would be better for your writing.

Bear in mind these specifics and you'll go a long way. Best of luck as always!

Writing Feedback / Better to Investing more in public services rather than space programs? IELTS Task 2 [5]

@jocelyn wang
Hello there. I'll provide you with additional writing feedback.

I'll say well-done for the general flow of the composition. Your writing is put-together and portrays everything in such a clear and meaningful manner. Keep this up! I would only suggest attempting to apply writing techniques that will help you curate sentences that are more put-together. Try to create smaller chunks of text, making your content hold more substance throughout its composition.

In terms of your usage of examples, it can be improved if you can focus more on articulating with clarity with more concrete examples. Doing this will help you in the long-run when it comes to substantiating with depth.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: Elaborate the changes of Queen Mary Hospital since its construction [3]

@lichien0422
Hello there. I'll provide you with additional writing feedback.

I think that, generally speaking, the flow of your articulation is quite put-together. You had quite an extensive grasp of what these portions mean. Because of this, I would only suggest trying to improve the manner in which you transition between your sentences. Try to curate composition that's more flowy and smoother in terms of moving between all the lines. For instance, try to reduce the usage of words such as "so" that have more formal alternatives (therefore, thus, etc.). The usage of these words that carry a more academic tone will help you appear more structured.

Best of luck.

Scholarship / "Manse" - the resilient spirit of Koreans - Scholarship SOP [2]

@vivianlima
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll do my best to provide you with writing feedback on this topic. I hope you find this beneficial to your application!

First and foremost, the general flow of your composition is well-done. You have quite a structured and organized approach to portraying vividly the reason as to why you have chosen this. Because of this, I think that the majority of what you should focus on should be based on ensuring that you have a clearer manner of relaying the meaning. For instance, try to create shorter and more concise sentences. Doing this would assist you in writing meaningful content because the meaning does not get lost in the process.

While the way you have reiterated your experiences is put-together, I would suggest trying to be more specific with your outlook. Try to focus on adding portions that would assist you in explaining thoughts and opinions.

If you can divide a sentence into two different points, opt to do so.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Social celebration and money spent [3]

@athachng2002
Hello there. I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum. I'll be providing you with writing feedback. I hope you find the feedback you're looking for here.

Generally, you need to work on your grammar. There are technical aspects of writing such as the consistency of text and tenses that need a little bit more work. Furthermore, your usage of punctuation can also be enhanced and worked upon.

Try to incorporate more substantive and concrete examples throughout your writing. How do you say that spending does not equate to happiness and satisfaction in these celebrations? How have you observed this? In which particular events is this more noticeable?

Being specific will definitely help you in the long-run.

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / It is often argued that brutality in media stimulates brutality in the real life. My opinion. IELTS2 [3]

@Dang Khoa
Hello there. Welcome back! Thanks for your consistent support in this scene.

You're improving a lot throughout time. I think that you have learned to grasp a firmer tone now - and, beyond that, you have also been able to relay information effectively to us.

Try to be cautious of the phrasing of your words. Ensure that your language is clear-cut and specific when you are trying to explain things. For instance, when can you say that children are enlightened enough to have these information be explained to them?

The conclusion is also quite scattered. The second line doesn't quite fit the first, making it messy in the eyes of readers. Try to focus more on the meaning you're building than putting together lines that might make sense.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / ENGLISH - VIETNAMESE BACON! [2]

@buiminhese
Hello there. I'll try my best to provide you with writing feedback.

If you can separate a particular sentence into two lines, opt to do so as this will help you simplify your language. Simplifying means that you would be able to make concise and create firmer clauses that are easier to digest. Take note of this for your first paragraph.

While I think that the Singapore model is excellent for this written work, the conclusion needs more work. Why do you think mixing English does not contribute positively to these serious situation? What can you recommend then instead?

Best of luck.

Undergraduate / Computer science, the witch. Georgia Tech Typical Day Essay [2]

@Lyanlima
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback.

Firstly, I think that the general tone you're building is quite magnificent. You have a put-together tone that helps you establish your content in a meaningful manner. I would suggest trying to amplify the formality of your tone through ensuring that you have structured and concise sentences - doing so will help you curate strategic content.

Try to also evade being too creative sometimes because this can affect the formality. Try to be as balanced as possible when creating sentences.

Remember that this prompt is more of a push for you to be able to tell the story for them to get to know you better. The more specific you are, the better.

Writing Feedback / Make a writing about short video " what's inside?" Jubilee [2]

@Anthony Ho
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback.

Please be cautious of the structure of your sentences. Notice how some portions have quite inappropriate and informal tones. You can enhance the overall structure by being more organized through using the right punctuation at all costs. Try to be wary of run-on sentences wherein you merely blabber without adding sufficient gaps and spaces.

Furthermore, try to also be aware of instances wherein your grammar is out-of-key. For instance, be cautious of the tenses. Remember that you should always be consistent with your usage of tenses to ensure that your overall composition has sufficient meaning.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2 - Changes in family structures and family roles; fewer household members and working parents [4]

@Patryk0206
Hello there. I'll provide you with extensive feedback on your writing.

Firstly, I suggest attempting to simplify your usage of language at times. I would prefer that if you can try to divide a line into two specific portions opt to do this. For instance, the second paragraph was packed with content - but, you were unable to fully flesh out your thoughts with more depth because of the flow of the content.

Secondly, try to use more academically appropriate words that would tailor fit your writing more. Creating a more concise structure means to try and attempt to construct meaningful and yet simplified content. For instance, words such as "not able" should be changed to unable. Having deconstructed sentences is often not recommended because it can clutter your content.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Whoever controls the media, have the power to control people. IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [3]

@jocelyn wang
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I hope I can provide you with the assistance you are looking for in the future.

Overall, your writing is put-together. I can only suggest trying to evade being overtly complex at times when it comes to relaying information. Remember that your primary goal is to ensure that you are being understood. If you can, evade using too many technical terms and boil everything down to an understandable commonplace perspective. This will help you focus more on depth rather than anything else.

Other than that, the usage of example is quite effective. You have quite a handy grasp of the language, so a bit of work will be alright.

Best of luck as always. quotes

Undergraduate / Millions of immigrants - Ewha womans university UNDERGRADUATE ESSAY [3]

@aleylelluyah
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I wish you the best of luck in your applications. Let me try to assist you in your writing to hopefully help you boost your chances.

Firstly, the general flow of writing is well done. I would only suggest improving bits of it through ensuring that your writing is substantially put-together. Try to not be too burdened with emotional impulses at times when writing - this will help you curate a more organized storytelling pattern. Remember that evoking emotion does not equate always to putting everything out.

Remember that, since this is an application essay, it would also be in your best interest to balance everything out with more professionalism. Try to not just focus on personal anecdotes - but remember what this essay truly is for. And then write accordingly.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / IELTS1:THE CHART SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF MALE AND FEMALE WHO WERE OVERWEIGHT IN AUSTRALIA 1980, 2010 [4]

@tinapakshad1
Hi there. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

Overall, your writing is put-together. I would suggest being more wary of small mistakes that may hinder the overall quality of your writing. This can vary from spelling mistakes to puny grammatical mishaps. Just try to reread and ensure that everything is in place.

In addition, I would suggest evading the usage of complex and lengthy sentences. Try to create simpler structures, mixing up the dyanism of the content through ensuring that your essay is properly coordinated.

Furthermore, make certain that you are consistent with your usage of words. Try to use particularly academically appropriate words throughout.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / Diagrams illustrate how an island developed during some period of time [2]

@thanhtra22
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback that I hope will be somewhat beneficial for your writing.

I suggest simplifying first and foremost your descriptions. By doing this, you are making more space for in-depth analysis and content that's interpretative as opposed to merely descriptive. Doing this will also help you have more meaning to your text.

Try to also be cautious of the tone of your language and its formality, especially when you're making transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Always try to strike a balance when you're writing.

Remember that this is an academic text, therefore it warrants a particular level of writing.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / Home ownership and renting comparison for 1991 and 2007, in percentage term in the UK. [2]

@tuan26816
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. Next time, it would be helpful to provide the charts or graphs to assist us in providing you with feedback on your writing. Regardless, I'm going to try my best!

The first two paragraphs can be merged to form a more concrete introductory paragraph. Try to also separate your thoughts altogether. For instance, if a line can be divided into two separate lines,opt for two lines. This will help you simplify your sentences, making your overall structure easier to work with.

Furthermore, try to also ensure that your tone is consistently formal. You can do this through making sure that your articles are in proper placement - and that you're not using informal words throughout.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / Water heating and greenhouse gas - IELTS chart [3]

@shellawillyam
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll be providing you with writing feedback on this content.

Other than that, overall, I cannot see any fundamental or immense writing mistakes when it comes to the technicality of your grammar. I would therefore focus more on the structure, organization, and general composition of your text as these aspects can be improved throughout time. For instance, instead of merely mentioning all of the figures as they are presented in the graphs, try to curate more of an in-depth analysis on the matter by having your own interpretation of the data provided. This technique will help you go beyond a descriptive text.

Best of luck.

Writing Feedback / Evaluating the opinion that increasing petrol's price would solve traffic and pollution problems [4]

@linhchin
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I find that, overall, your language is quite put together. You were able to relay the meaning effectively. Additionally, you had quite a packed substance for your words. Because of this, you had a logical approach to writing.

Try to just organize your sentences. Try to separate your long-form sentences and phrases to curate more substantive and concise structures. This will help you save space in your essay.

The second paragraph is quite crowded already. There's an excessive usage of examples. Try to stick to one argument and/or line of thought to help you in your essay.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve the poverty problem [4]

@thaivo
Hello there. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

Firstly, try to use more technically appropriate words in replacement for the casual language. This will help you curate a more academic language for your writing. For instance, the phrase "more and more" can be replaced with the word increasing. Both have the same meaning, however the latter is more appropriate. Keep this in mind.

Aside from that, your grasp of language is decent. You had logical links with examples that are put-together and effective in relaying the information you have. Try to just maximize the space you have in your essay.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: All jobs will be done by artificial intelligent robots eventually [3]

@lichien0422
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on your writing.

Firstly, try to paraphrase your words to have a more appropriate tone in your language. This will help you curate an educational tone that'll be more appropriate for your overall structure.

Furthermore, your writing is quite put-together. The logical links were all present in the language, making the essay explicitly well-done. You were also able to integrate examples that helped the essay progress effectively.

Try to focus next time on creating shorter and more concise sentences. If you do this, you'll be able to have more space to curate long-form, meaningful essays.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / HAS INTERNET AFFECTED PEOPLE NEGATIVELY? [2]

@Annie Kristin
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with feedback to assist you in your writing.

I would firstly suggest trying to maximize the space you have in your essay through the removal of unnecessary filler words. For instance, evade adding "some" in portions wherein you could do well without it. Try to also evade linking together synonymous words to maximize the space you have.

Secondly, try to also use more concrete examples. By having more real-life examples, you'll be able to curate more meaningful content as it would have a backbone to rely on.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Money spent on a variety of social spheres by local authorities in Someland in three years [4]

@buianhhong
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback you're looking for here.

Firstly, the composition you have right here is quite well-done. I think your straightforward and technical approach is effective in relaying the information you had here. Your interpretations are also quite put-together.

I would only suggest that you try to minimize the excessive usage of filler transition words as they can be too much at times. Try to opt for more organic transitions along the way as it can save space for your essay writing.

I would also suggest revising some portions to enable you to make formal the language you have.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Cause and solution to the over-all happiness of the youth [4]

@lichien0422
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I find that, in general, your writing is well-composed and put-together. I suggest attempting to incorporate more techniques that will help you save space in your essay, allowing you to have more substantial conversations in the latter parts of your writing.

When it comes to giving examples, try to look at an extremist and more generalized one rather than a specific one. Having the former will help you curate more of an understandable depth in your writing.

In the second to last paragraph, the reference to Maslow is quite out of place. I would suggest omitting that.

Best of luck.