Writing Feedback / Problems when using the Internet - Writing task 2 for ielts exam [2]

You have over discussed this essay. The ideal sentence count per paragraph is 5 sentences. Those 5 sentences will result in 250-290 words overall. You don't need to discuss more than that word count to get the proper essay presentation. It is as simple as properly indicating discussion topics per sentence in the paragraph. In this case, for the reasoning paragraphs, you can use the following outline:

Sentence 1: Problem presentation
Sentence 2: Reasoning that supports the problem presentation
Sentence 3: Possible solution
Sentence 4: Example of the solution in action based on the problem
Sentence 5: Reiteration of the proposed solution / transition sentence

This should be done twice to indicate 2 discussion problems and solutions as the discussion instruction indicates (within the discussion questions).

The prompt paraphrase should have been better presented. It should have been inclusive of the problems and solutions presentation, without a discussion started yet. Just think of what problems and solutions you can think of and list it. Do not overthink it by outlining the discussion to the point of, you guessed it, over discussing the subject.

Use simpler examples and more concise explanations. You need to keep it simple. You only have 40 minutes to draft, review, correct, and finalize your essay. 449 words is an academic research paper. You are not writing that yet. You are only being asked to present a simple opinion. Don't go overboard. Keep track of the time. Had you bothered to check yourself with this paper you would have seen several spelling, grammar, cohesiveness, and coherence problems that you could have still corrected, if you wrote only within the suggested word count and focused on the quality of your presentation for the remaining time. Always remember, a long essay doesn't mean you will get a better score. It just means you stole time from the editing of the work that could have given you a better score in the end.

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS task 2 - The popularity of mobile phone [3]

If the discussion question asks: "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?" you cannot say that the topic is both a positive and a negative. The instruction, using the word "or" asks you to pick one of the two sides to defend in the essay. Why should this essay be discussed from a singular point of view? The word "or" is what made it a singular discussion. The connecting word "or" has a specific function within the question. The use of the word indicates " otherwise". "Otherwise" refers to "in other or different circumstances". As you can see, the definition of the word "or" creates the opening for a singular opinion discussion. It is not a comparison essay. There cannot be 2 opinions discussed in this essay. All that will tell the reviewer is that there is no set opinion on your end. You did not understand the discussion instructions. It is either you believe it is totally positive or, it is totally negative, there is "equal" discussion instruction. That is not what was indicated in the original prompt. Therefore, your essay will be seen as not having a clear opinion, significant point deductions in the TA section, which can result in a below passing score for your essay.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 animal exploitation [3]

This is the perfect example of a non-response essay. As the extent essay is scored on your ability to create a single opinion based on the strength of your supporting opinions, saying that you agree but disagree indicates a lack of clarity when it comes to presenting an opinion. The examiner will see that you are incapable of creating a singular opinion based on a clear line of reasoning and score your essay simply, not having a clear opinion. An extent essay tests how well you know the topic. What strong reasons do you have for supporting a particular point of view? How does that knowledge of personal and public data help you to clearly explain your ideas that support a particular point of view? Comparative essays cannot be used for extent essays. Comparative essays are only presented in comparative + personal essay questions, not in extent essays. Th essay that you wrote suffers from a lack of clear and supportive opinion for a singular point of view. Again, you cannot say you support both sides because that means you are not capable of formulating an opinion that can be clearly supported in your discussion.

Writing Feedback / Present received from someone [2]

When you describe the book, you have to tell the reader the title of the book and who the author of the book is. That is part of the important information about the gift. You should have also, told the reader why you believe your special friend gifted you with that book. Was it a book that you wanted to buy but could not? Perhaps it is a right of passage book that every young man reads and uses as a guide to life in your country. You should have been more descriptive about the book. More information would have helped clarify the relationship of the book to you, your friend, and its importance. Perhaps a simple sentence about why your friend is special would have also helped to explain why he would have thought of giving you this book for your birthday. By the way, don't say "latest birthday". The correct phrase is "last birthday".

Scholarship / 'The Mountain to success'- My UWC admission essay [2]

Having advised a tremendous number of students on their UWC applications, I can tell you that this essay will not make an impression on the reviewer. It is too general in discussion and content for it to truly embody your interest in applying to the university. UWC is looking for students who want to make a difference in their country upon their graduation. Remember that you are being asked to describe 2 specific elements of your interest as it applies to the mission and vision of UWC.

1. what you might contribute
2. what you hope to gain.

You only focused on number 2 throughout your essay. You do not have a reference to number 1 at all. So you have to go back and revise the content. Review the UWC website. Based on the objectives of the university, what do you hope to contribute in relation to their mission, vision, or objectives? Focus on the objective of the school in relation to your response. What is the objective?

"Making education a force to unite people, nations and cultures for peace and a sustainable future".

Based on that information, write new content for your response. Be reflective. Make sure to address the reference to people, peace, and a sustainable future in your essay. Relate those 3 subjects to the "contribution" and "gain" reference of the prompt. Review the website. Specifically, look into the "Our Impact" section for ideas as to how you can improve your response.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: Global warming and the rise of sea levels. Problems associated to this and solution? [2]

Your discussion is really wrong and not properly focused. You have not managed to keep a focus on the required discussion points in the original prompt. The original discussion focuses on the following:

Topic: Global Warming
Effect 1: biggest threat to humans
Effect 2: sea levels continue to rise.

So your proposed problems should be related to the given effect topics. Your discussion paragraphs should be properly divided between cause, effect, and solution. So at least 3 sentences in total. The format could be:

Topic: Deforestation
Result: Extreme flooding
Supporting facts:
Solution

Topic: Rising Sea levels
Effect: Loss of sea animal habitat
Supporting facts:
Solution:

You need to create connected discussion points using the expected discussion elements. These are: Topic sentence, effect, supporting discussion, proposed solution. By discussing the interrelated topics in a single paragraph, you will manage to create a cohesive and coherent paragraph discussion. As of now, your essay doesn't really connect the problems with the solutions. They do not relate properly because your discussion format is incorrect.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 (CAUSE AND SOLUTION) - A LOTS OF HIGHLY QUALIFIED GRADUATES WITHOUT EMPLOYMENT [3]

Were you able to complete this essay within 40 minutes? You wrote 321 words. While it will be possible for you to complete that word count within the CBT test, it will not assure you of a passing score if you do not pay attention to the correcting of errors within your given essay. Simple cases like not having the 3-5 sentence word count per paragraph, errors in spelling, conciseness, and vocabulary that remain uncorrected, all add up to point deductions for your presentation.

Your opening paraphrase is not really acceptable because you failed to respond to the questions provided, which were to help the examiner determine your skills in relation to English response skills. The questions you respond to with a quick and simple reference response helps the examiner determine the level of your English understanding skills.

You are wasting time with the use of long introductions to your actual topic per paragraph. Always keep the paragraphs short and direct. Use topic sentences based on the original response you gave. There are 2 questions, so use each topic sentence to start each expanded discussion paragraph. That way you do not waste word count and also, you focus on the C&C scoring requirements. Short and clear discussions score best.

In your second paragraph, the more appropriate response is the second cause presentation. You should have used that immediately instead of as a second reference. That is because the second reason in the paragraph is the better developed explanation. Avoid the use of conjunctions as a sentence starter. That is wrong grammar as that is always used as a word connector so it is useless as the start of the sentence.

Your solutions paragraph could use better development. The discussions are lacking in justification and evidence. So the presentation of the reasoning is unclear and a bit difficult for the reader to consider due to its lack of proper presentation and thought development.

Writing Feedback / Parents to show their children the way to become a significant person in the society [3]

The minute I saw the length of this essay, I knew that it would not meet the minimum word requirement. Upon double checking your word count, I was able to confirm that you under wrote in the essay. 213 words means there will be a percentage deduction from your TA score based on the missing 37 words. Believe it or not, you will be starting off your presentation handicapped. That means, you already have a failing score to contend with due to the word count error. When the other spelling, grammar, and vocabulary errors are included in the final scoring consideration, you may fail to achieve even a passing band score. Next time, aim to write the 250 minimum word count. Try to develop no more than 290 words for maximum scoring consideration. Never write under the minimum word count, you practically assure yourself of failing the test when you write less than the required minimum word count.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRT: CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS TO DEAL WITH OBESITY [3]

The focus of this essay, based on the original prompt is not obesity among adults but rather, obesity among children. The reference point is that children now suffer adult illnesses like obesity. So your topic restatement is faulty as it does not acknowledge the original information in the proper manner. You have not given an accurate restatement of the original prompt.

Your discussion paragraphs start off properly with the reference to children, but then moves into the adult reference territory. Again, this is an incorrect discussion method as the focus of the essay should remain on the kids. All synonyms for children must be used throughout the presentation. You should not fall back into referring to adults because they are not the target topic of the discussion. So the discussion is tangential in response and will be scored accordingly.

Writing Feedback / Only a few achieve the success in literature or writing fields [2]

You immediately changed the prompt discussion focus in your essay. Your restatement is off topic. You are being asked about fiction writers, not about youngsters.Your restatement is inaccurate and not really accurate in representing the original prompt. However, your response to the direct question is correct and should help offset the early errors in your restatement presentation.

The essay is too long. You cannot complete 345 words in 40 minutes. Not if you want to present a perfect, error free essay to the examiner. There are about 5 errors in this essay covering grammar, conciseness, and vocabulary usage. You should have been able to review your essay for these errors and corrected them within the last 5 minutes of the test, had you written within the 290 word limit rather than presenting the equivalent of a research paper to the examiner. This is only a 4 paragraph essay, you wrote 5 paragraphs instead. Learn to identify which essays require 5 paragraphs, and which require 4 paragraphs. Base it on the discussion instructions and questions of the original prompt. These usually cover no more than 4 sections of presentation based on the 2 reasoning paragraph requirement.

Most writers of fiction do not earn enough money to live from their writing.
Do you think the government should give them financial assistance to help encourage good literature?

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: ADVERTISEMENT MAKES PEOPLE TO BUY UNNECESSARY THINGS. [3]

Band scoring is part of our advanced services. You can avail of band scoring either through our private review service or by making this thread URGENT. Student scoring of other students work is not allowed. Any student who scores an essay will find his / her account suspended for forum rule violations.

You have changed the discussion format of the essay. How did you do that?

Original topic: high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

Your Topic: companies have been increasingly approaching a more considerable amount of customers than in the past, thanks to the advertisement.

Original Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Discussion Response: To some extent, I agree that advertising has a massive impact on sales, but I would also argue that we do need most of the products that we buy.

As you can see, your discussion topic and response to the question are inaccurate when compared to the original. Therefore, this essay will be considered to be non-responsive to the task provided.

Writing Feedback / Colour plays an important role in everyday life [3]

There is a problem with your prompt paraphrase. It does not accurately restate the prompt nor provide direct responses to the questions provided. The questions would have served as the basis for the reasoning paragraph discussion sentences. If I were to have restated this prompt it would have worded in the following manner, which is more prompt responsive:

Various hues are known to have an effect on the emotions of men and women. It is because of the way that these coloring tend to influence the mood of a person that a belief regarding the importance of tinting in work rooms and clinics has developed. I believe that coloration does have a strong effect on the psyche of a person. However the colors should be used in a manner that matches the purpose of the room.

The above format is more aligned with the prompt discussion outline as laid out in the original prompt. Writing 369 words for this essay was irrelevant because you failed to proof read your essay. You have 22 errors covering spelling, grammar, conciseness, and vocabulary usage. All these errors will combine, along with the improper restatement of the prompt, to prevent you from achieving a passing score. The more uncorrected errors you have, the lower your score.

Do not focus on length since you are not scored by the number of words you write after the minimum word count. You are scored on the least number of mistakes that you make. Of what use is it to you to have a very long essay that is riddled with mistakes? You will not pass the test if the errors remain uncorrected. So aim to write no more that 290 words, spend the rest of the time revising your content and correcting the errors you made instead. Focus on proof reading and editing. Those are what will help you get a better score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Task 2: permanent job is more important than job satisfaction. [3]

There are 3 avenues for discussion in this essay that should have been properly represented in the prompt paraphrase. These are:
- Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security
- others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important.
- An indication that a comparison of the 2 discussion points will result in your personal opinion.

Your prompt paraphrase is severely lacking in proper discussion representation. You should have indicated a restatement of the 2 topics and reasons and merely implied a point of view after a comparison is done. You cannot give an opinion that is not based on the comparison of the 2 discussion points.

The lack of gender free pronoun usage in the first 2 discussions indicates that these are not explanations of the public point of view as required in the discussion. Instead, these 2 paragraphs are reflective of your personal opinion alone. That runs counter to the discussion instruction that expects you to deliver an explanation of the public point of view in a manner that highlights your understanding of the public opinion.

Your overall discussion format is incorrect. The correct format is:
Par. 1 - Prompt restatement
Par. 2 - 1st Public POV explanation
Par. 3 - 2nd Public POV explanation
Par. 4 - Personal opinion based on a comparison discussion of the 2 POV
Par. 5 - Concluding paraphrase of the previous discussion topic, public POV, and personal opinion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 - Line graph and table about water use worldwide and water consumption [3]

You have too many run on sentences in every paragraph. This has affected the presentation format of your report. The sentences should be divided in every presentation with only 3-5 sentences clearly reporting on the images present. You cannot combine the information for the line graph and table in the presentation. Those are two separate images that should have been reported with their individual information reports within the summary overview.

You are not clearly showing a vast range of punctuation mark usage in this essay. You are limited to only periods and commas. That is why you have run on sentences. You do not have a proper balance of properly formatted simple and complex sentence presentations. Review the rules for simple and complex sentence formats and follow it next time you write an essay. Try to avoid the over usage of commas in your presentation. Also, make sure you have 3-5 sentence per paragraph as required for the proper paragraph formatting / requirements.

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS Task 2 - Culture and Tradition [5]

There is no clear depiction of what the discussion format of your essay will be. This is dictated by the response that you will provide in direct relation to the questions being asked. This is a requirement that will help the examiner determine if you truly understood the discussion instruction and, if your reasons are truly applicable to the given discussion instruction. You have to show evidence of your English comprehension skills and that is primarily highlighted in your ability to properly restate the prompt and the relevance of your response to the questions.

Avoid using word fillers in your discussion paragraphs. You will score better in the Coherence and Cohesiveness section if your discussion begins with a relevant topic that is well discussed and defended within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Work less on simply providing reasons and more on providing explanations for your reason. That is not to say that the paragraph you wrote is incorrect. It just lacks supporting elements. Mostly because you forgot that you are scored on the clarity of your explanation and not the number of reasons that you provide. You can write less and score higher as opposed to writing more, but not scoring well because you failed to properly explain your reason in the essay. Focus on a single topic discussion rather than multiple reasoning presentations alone.

Writing Feedback / Traffic and congestion - IELTS II: problem and solution [3]

You must outline your direct response to the questions in the prompt restatement. Direct question responses are part of the clarity of your opinion, which is a major scoring consideration. Failure to proper outline your topics for discussion in relation to the clarity of your opinion will be detrimental to your scoring in that section. These are considered the topic sentences for your reasoning paragraphs. The direct response will offer the examiner a clear overview of what your reasoning paragraphs will be about. It will also help you stay on track when it comes to the discussion topics of your essay. Some students forget the importance of giving themselves a reminder regarding their discussion topics within the written section. The outline of the prompt paraphrase helps keeps you on track and focused on your discussion points.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 : The cause and solution (stress from work) [4]

You should learn to outline your discussions before you write the essay. The main problem I see here is that you treated your brainstorming as the essay itself. You just kept writing, without considering the actual presentation. For example, in paragraph 2, you have 2 unrelated discussion points in the presentation. This created a paragraph that has one fully developed explanation and one that does not relate to the first topic and, due to the non-relationship, remained under explained. The paragraph became confusing to the reader in the process. You should always discuss based on an outlined consideration of 2 related topics.

You should also remember that when the solutions are required, the word is used in plural form. So you have to present 2 related solutions in the essay that will directly relate to the 2 previous topics in the causes paragraph. When your presentations do not properly relate, there is a confusion in the presentation. When the solution presented is singular when the requirement is plural, so at least 2 solutions relevant to the causes, the presentation for that paragraph does not follow the discussion requirement for the second question.

Writing Feedback / Various methods to get information - which are the most effective? [3]

You should properly restate the prompt for this essay and indicate which 3 methods of communication you will be discussing. So the format should have been:

There are various forms of technological data transference. I believe that there are 3 truly advantageous communication devices. These are (indicate 3). While there are effective means of knowledge transference, there are also 3 ineffective methods. As far as I am concerned, those are (indicate 3). Let me expound on my support and non support for each method of facts sharing.

Based on the aforementioned restatement. The 3 choices for each that you make should have connected reasoning discussions within the 2 sentence discussion paragraphs. This test is looking at your ability to create coherent and cohesive responses. So the interconnected reasoning method is important in the discussion.

The instruction says pick 3 of each. You are limited to only 1 per paragraph. The essay is not properly developed and does not represent the instructions properly. There is a high chance it will not pass the test.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Argument essay (Food and Diet) [4]

Try to avoid often used, but irrelevant phrases such as "In this day and age". It is considered part of the memorized phrases that ESL students use. Do not imply an argument when the original prompt refers to a mere suggestion.The proper reference to the original topic is "A suggestion has been made that..." The point of view required for the essay is definite. Either there is a strong support in agreement, or a strong support in disagreement. It is the emotional descriptive word prior to the dis/agreement that is looked upon when scoring based upon a clearly presented opinion. When you say you agree with both, that means, you do not have an opinion that can support a singular point of view, which is the whole basis for the discussion. You cannot use a comparative discussion in the singular opinion essay. That is why you are asked a specific question, covering only 2 choices for the response. As far as your conclusion is concerned, there is an incomplete presentation as it only represents your point of view. It lacks your original topic reference and reasoning sentence presentations.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that the salary plays the most vital role when opting for a job [2]

There is actually a direct question being asked in the essay. The question that was asked is what dictates the reasoning paragraphs of the essay. It shows the path that the discussion presentation should take. The question is, do you agree or disagree? There are only 2 choices provided for your discussion response. You cannot use an agreement and a disagreement at the same time in your discussion. That is what you did when you said that you agree but support the idea that. As far as the examiner will be concerned, you just proved that you are incapable of making a clear decision and supporting it. It's either you agree or you disagree. You cannot do both. The format for this essay is not a comparison paragraph presentation. It is a single opinion defense presentation. No comparisons. You will have a difficult time reaching a passing score with this undecided type of presentation. While your discussions are clear and you have limited errors present, the fact that you did not properly format the discussion for the essay, as per the instruction requirement, will prevent this from achieving an acceptable band score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING; a recycling law is not a vital factor to change the public awareness of recycling [3]

Your essay clocks in with lacking words in reference to the acceptable word count. The standard word count for a properly scored essay is 250 words minimum, no more than 290 words. You submitted 232 words in this essay. It is far below the required word number. Expect percentage points deductions based on the missing word count. That will have your essay start being scored at a disadvantage. Your essay already has a failing score consideration even before the other 5 errors based on spelling, grammar, clarity, and vocabulary are applied. Added together, it will be difficult for your essay to achieve a passing band score.

Without the original prompt, I cannot truly assess your work in reference to prompt accuracy and response. I am in the dark as to whether your response to the question being asked is correct or not. Kindly remember to post the prompt next time. It is impossible to accurately review your work without it. I cannot go further with assessing your work at this point. I do not have any guidelines with which to compare your response and overall work with. That is what the posting of the original prompt provides.

Writing Feedback / It is argued that scientific findings should be implemented and controlled by the authorities [2]

This is only a 4 paragraph essay. It requires only 2 reasoning paragraphs. It does not require a 5 paragraph format since it is not a comparative discussion + personal opinion essay. You have over discussed the essay in a manner of speaking. Although you wrote 286 words, you neglected to correct the existing errors in grammar, clarity, and conciseness in your presentation. These errors will result in point deductions for your work in the relevant scoring sections.

Limit your explanations to only one topic sentence per paragraph. It is important to keep your presentation clear and fully developed. The more topic sentences and discussions you add, the more likely you are to under develop your paragraph presentation. Something that happened in throughout your essay presentation.

Unless you are asked "to what extent", you should not use an extent response to the agree.disagree question. You change the expected format for the discussion and will lose points for altering the expected response presentation. While your response is correct, it is exaggerated when there was no instruction for you to deliver the response in an exaggerated manner.

Work on your paraphrase and conclusion paragraphs some more. These should have at least 3 sentences presented. Both should offer a statement of the original topic, your response to the question, and the reasons you presented. Each should be presented differently from the first version in the concluding paraphrase.

Scholarship / Korean as the door to the opportunities - GKS-U Study Plan [3]

Your presentation is very confusing. The essay should present a consolidated plan of action for your English and Hangul studies as of today. That is the before part. So the explanation should contain the preparations you are actually taking in relation to your study ambitions. That means you have to indicate if you are currently involved in language classes, what level you have achieved so far in the language classes, and if you wish to take the TOPIK test in the future. That is a formal requirement for your undergrad studies anyway so you have to show that you are preparing to take that particular Korean language test.

For the future plan or how you plan to pursue your language goals upon arriving in Korea, you should move away from the YouTube reference and instead, look at the social aspect of language development. Focus on the language learning opportunities as offered by the university to its students. Look at the language centers, the foreign exchange student organizations, and other clubs that might be able to help you improve both your English and Hangul skills during your time as a student.

You have to reformat the response into an essay format. It has to be more specific, retaining only the part that speaks of your plan to prepare for the TOPIK test. That is a very important aspect because you are not really a Korean scholar student until you pass that test. Failure to pass the TOPIK test twice will mean forfeiting your scholarship.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Many job seekers believe that the most vital part in their career is the salary level [3]

You have to rework your essay in terms of word count. The minimum word count is 250 per essay for Task 2. You wrote 191 words. That will result in a severe word count penalty / percentage deduction. Such deductions will result in a lower than average starting score for you. In fact, it will result in a failing score in the end. In this essay, you made 5 specific errors in the areas of spelling, grammar, and conciseness. So those additional errors will add to the deductions to be applied to your final score.

The reason you came under the word count is simple, you did not properly paraphrase the prompt before you presented your opinion sentence. You should have had at least one more sentence in that section before your opinion was presented. Do not start your sentences with conjunctions like "because" as a connecting word, it does not serve a purpose at the start of a sentence. It is considered extremely wrong English grammar to do that. The run-on sentences and lack of 3 sentence minimum requirement will all add up, along with the less than minimum word count, to make you fail the test.

Letters / Writing a motivational letter to study Computer Science and Engineering at KOC University Turkey [3]

The motivational letter went overboard. It delved into statement of purpose topics already. The most relevant paragraphs in this presentation are paragraphs 1, 2, 5. The last paragraph belongs in the personal statement. Those are the paragraphs that have the information the reviewer will tend to look for. One major focus of your motivation letter should be an explanation that clarifies your motivation to apply for admission to this university. There are other universities in your home country where you can study. So, why the need to leave the country? What were the academic factors that influenced your decision to apply for admission to this university? What made it so special? That should be the last statement that closes this essay. That is also a major motivating factor that the reviewer will look for so do not neglect to explain this section in great detail.

Undergraduate / How would I describe the culture of my school community? Personal profile question [4]

You should be offering suggestions to improve every aspect that you discuss in the essay. That way you will be able to show a well rounded interest. Surely you have ideas as to how you can improve the festivities at your school or, perhaps make the religious ceremonies more interesting or updated for the new century. You should clarify if you attended a boarding school, in reference to "As the school was a co-ed, residential one", because that part tends to be a bit confusing. Why was it residential? In the interest of the boarding school community, what changes might you suggest to make the experience better for the students? Your response about improving the elections of the student body is too sudden. You need a transition sentence into that topic. Don't just present it without justification or basis. The most lacking element in the discussion is the impact that the school culture had on you. Simply describing the events, without indicating how it helped you develop as a person does not respond to the first question asked in the essay. The response to that question should help you develop a better response to how you plan to enhance or change your school community and why. You also have to make a clearer reference to how you were involved with the school community. It is not clear. You speak of the events from an outsider point of view, you need to show more involvement in the activity to make it a clear response to the discussion instruction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Cambridge 13 test 2 writing task 1: bar chart on households owning and renting accommodation [3]

I think you are showing me the outline of your report prior to your using an essay format for it? This is a good way to outline your presentation, but, it could prove to be a problem later on you used the outline form for your paragraph content. You may find it difficult to form it into a complete paragraph because you separated too much information instead of grouping the related information. Sadly, you did not upload the image so I cannot review your essay for content responsiveness and proper data reporting. Kindly remember to present the image next time, it will help me review your essay in a more complete manner. As for the word count, you used enough words to get a better scoring consideration. However, using the numerical format for a task 1 essay is incorrect so you will definitely not pass the test using this format. You have to use the paragraph format for your presentation because the report requires comparative analysis and data accuracy presentations.

Writing Feedback / {IELTS} Task 2: agriculture, famine [3]

Again, grading cannot be done on your essay as it is not part of our free review services. Opt for our private review or urgent services to gain access to scoring review for your work. Students cannot score other students essays because they will find their accounts automatically suspended for violating forum regulations. Students cannot score essays for one another.

In response to your question, no, you will not receive points deductions for writing more than the word count. However, writing more than 290 words will open you to more errors in the overall scoring consideration. These are errors that you should have spotted and corrected had you left at least 5 minutes to double check your presentation before submission. In your essay, you made 8 errors covering grammar, clarity, vocabulary, formal grammar issues.

There was no need to specify "especially in developing countries" and the efforts of scientists because that was not indicated in the original prompt. You should not indicate any information not found in the original presentation as those are considered deviations which could adversely affect your score. Do not add information, but do not offer less information than stated in the original either. Just stick to the original facts for your restatement. That and a proper topic outline for the discussion reasons would also help you stay on point better than you did in this presentation.

Your overwriting has to do with your use of run-on sentences in most of your paragraphs. That is not a very good way of getting around the 3-5 sentence per paragraph requirement. When you write a run-on, the clarity and coherence of the paragraph is affected. Keep the information short and summarized whenever you can. The paragraph should only contain:

- The topic sentence
- Reason for the topic
- Example to support the topic
- Additional explanation
- Transition to the next discussion topic

Keep the essay simple so that you can have enough time after drafting to double check your errors, correct the errors, and polish your content. That is how you get a higher band score, not by over discussing or creating run on sentences. You should also know that unless a personal opinion is required, within a comparative essay, you should write no more than 4 paragraphs for the test. Only when you are asked to discuss both points of view and offer a personal opinion should you write a 5 paragraph essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: It is beneficial for students to study with different teachers... [3]

Your prompt restatement is not very clear. It does not reflect an understandable version of the original topic. However, your response to the direct question is correct. One other problem though, you should have divided the discussion topic presentation into 2 sentences, just as it was presented in the original prompt. You have to do that to meet the minimum sentence requirement of 3 sentences per paragraph, no more than 5 sentences each.

The examiner will deduct points from your word count because you turned the direct response essay into a comparative essay. Since you were asked to provide a specific response to a given question, which you did provide in the last part of the prompt restatement, the paragraph that does not relate directly to your response will not be scored. Rather, the word count for that paragraph will be deducted from the total word count, resulting in your essay coming in at less than 250 words. You will not be given a scoring consideration for the unrelated paragraph. Percentage points deductions will be applied for the missing word count which was the result of the unrelated discussion paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Talent shows - a good method of finding talented people, or just entertainment? [3]

Try not to use words that do not have a direct relationship or have a different meaning from the original word. In this case, you used the word "hunting" in reference to the original word "finding". The more proper term would have been "scouting", which is what these talent shows do. They "scout" for new talent. The definition of the word scout is "to make a search".

Now, the original prompt is asking you decide between one of two things:
1. Talent shows are a good method of finding people;
2. Talent shows are just for entertainment.

You are being required to choose one of the 2 possible responses to the given discussion topic. You should have chosen only one topic to discuss as the instructions did not ask you to "compare" or "discuss the advantage or disadvantage" of the given topic. You were to pick one side of the discussion to defend in the essay. The later part of the essay, where you finally decided to pick a side to discuss, should have been the sole point of view being discussed throughout the essay. The comparative discussion was unnecessary and lowered your scoring potential.

As you can see, writing 349 words did not help your essay because you did not provide the discussion requirements and format as indicated in the original prompt. Writing more words will not help if you are not prompt adherent based on the scoring guidelines of the original discussion.

Writing Feedback / {IELTS} Task 1: line and bar chart of monthly temperature and precipitation [3]

I have to offer you apologies because scoring is no longer part of the free essay review services at this forum. For scoring and advanced review requirements, you should consider our private review service or making this thread URGENT. Only the basic review services can be given to you at this point.

In the summary overview, you should have identified the image as a combined bar and line chart with intersecting information. You should have also acknowledged that precipitation was represented by the green bar measurements and the temperature, by the red line indicators. Your overview summary is incomplete and does not properly represent the paragraph requirement of 3-5 sentences, inclusive of the trending statement.

Avoid using word fillers like "coincidentally". You are pressed for time with this task at 20 minutes, so do not waste time writing useless words. You did not go too much over time as far as I can tell. The problem, is that you took too much time writing the essay so you ran out of time to edit your work for spelling and grammar errors. You have to leave between 2-5 minutes for that part of the task. So learn how to outline the essay discussion points before you write your draft, that way you will be able to write faster and have some time left afterwards for editing.

Writing Feedback / Rising gas prices is an impressive and effective way to decrease the traffic and polluted problem [5]

Ignore the troll named Rich Monte. His advice is irrelevant. You are not scored on the validity and effectiveness of your proposed solution. Instead, you are scored on the clarity of your explanation and the way that your solution ties the whole essay together. You are scored on the C&C (coherence and cohesiveness) of your paragraph presentation. Nothing more, nothing less.

Now for the real problem of your essay. As you can see, there is a question you failed to respond to. The question was, "To what extend to you agree or disagree?" So your essay does not have a complete presentation. Your prompt restatement is missing an important score valuable sentence. So, why you focused well on your discussion reasons, you failed when it came to the discussion response.

Writing Feedback / Task II- It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while others disagree [4]

You cannot offer an agreement with the given discussion points in the opening statement. Based on the comparative discussion essay format for this essay, your opinion may only be formulated after you have discussed the public opinion of both points of view. So, you have an incomplete discussion presentation here. Of the two public points of view, you only discussed one. You used a personal point of view immediately for the other reason provided. The personal point of view is the last reasoning paragraph in this presentation. You have to explain the public opinion of the 2 discussion reasons first and then present your personal opinion. You cannot use you personal opinion immediately to explain the 2nd public point of view. That is because of the public points of view are provided with a reasoning topic in the original prompt. So you have to make sure that you represent an explanation for the provided reasons first. Otherwise, the basis for your personal opinion reasoning becomes confusing and with little foundation in the public point of view to support it.

Letters / Ielts: I share my on the disappointing dinner my family and I had at the restaurant [2]

Your essay is direct to the point and provides all of the requirements as indicated in the letter writing instructions. Most of the problems of this letter pertain to vocabulary usage and grammar rule violations.

Grammar Rules:
Proper Noun Capitalization:
friday - Friday

Word / Phrase Usage / Vocabulary:
soap - soup
five start - five star
resident - residence
check with the cook to use less salt - advise the cook to use less...

It would be better for you to review your notes in relation to grammar rules of the English language. Focus on your fill in the blanks sentence exercises. Whenever you can, complete more word choice exercises to help build your vocabulary and also help you familiarize yourself with words that you might not really be used to using in English or, have no idea of how to use in an English sentence.

Writing Feedback / The use of the internet has brought many problems. [5]

Your restatement did not directly respond to the questions being asked. There are 2 questions that require you to outline your discussion topics in your response. The questions are:

- What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? ( You should have provided 2 connected problems in response to this question)

- What solutions can you suggest? ( Again, you should have directly responded with the 2 solution topics you would be discussing in the presentation)

The lack of the direct response prevented you from creating a truly informative prompt paraphrase. Your first paragraph should have had 3-5 sentences in it. Your presentation would have been more thorough in that paragraph had you provided the discussion topic outline in direct response to the questions.

Always start the paragraphs with a topic sentence. That way your essay presents a more precise discussion. Since your C&C score will be based on how well you connect 2 discussion topics in a single paragraph, you should use 2 related topics. For example, topic 1 could be about identity theft, and topic 2 could be about how people have a hard time proving that their identity was stolen online so any purchases made are not the real owner's to pay for.

Rather than relying on the word "another" for your transitions, try to use transition sentences like, "A secondary problem in relation to identity theft is..." By the way, do not use the conjunction "because" at the start of the sentence because it is a word connector. It can only be used when connecting ideas, phrases, or words.

The concluding paragraph is inefficient. It does not provide a proper reverse paraphrase of the previous discussion points. It should also be 3-5 sentences long.

Undergraduate / Flagler College 2020 Make History Essay [2]

The essay is confusing to read because of the timeline reference. You are moving from past to present tense within the presentation. You need to be consistent. These events all happened previously, so change all the present tense usage to past tense references. The presentation also changes its singular theme towards the end, when you go from discussing early childhood education to focusing on the FFEA and how it helped you find Flagier College. You need to focus on the singular theme of how you developed your interest and continue to pursue your interest in Early Childhood Education. Do not change the singular theme because your character and aspirations are reflected in that discussion. Also, you should always use the first person pronoun in reference to your insights and opinions. Specifically, use the word I in reference to "... concept I (not you) have been trying ..."

This should be better formatted as well. You should present this as a 2 paragraph essay because the presentation is too compressed in the page. There should be about 125 words per paragraph, more or less, depending upon how you alter the later part of the essay in reference to the college and the FFEA. Realign that section to be connected with the first half of the discussion instead.

Writing Feedback / Ielts Task 2: advantages and disadvantages of economic development. [5]

Without the exact original prompt I cannot judge your response for accuracy. Kindly remember to post the prompt next time for a more accurate review of your essay. I am not sure about the relevance of life values to the economic discussion. Is that a part of the original prompt? It does not appear to be a part of the original presentation. Or perhaps you forgot to represent it in the discussion outline? Again, the existence of the original prompt would have helped considerably in reviewing your work.

One of the glaring punctuation errors that I see in this essay is your use of ellipses and a comma. You cannot use 2 punctuation marks successively. You can only use it one at a time. In this case, use a comma but not the ellipses. That is because the 3 successive dots are used only in casual English writing, never in academic writing. You need to better develop your paragraphs. Try to explain your examples in the paragraphs instead of just giving discussion topics with little explanation development.

I am unable to further review your essay at this point due to the lack of prompt presentation. I am just giving you a simple review at this point as I am uncertain about how to treat this essay discussion. If you provide the prompt, I can give you a better review next time.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: The chart below shows the propotion of profits made from seven most viewed movies [2]

261 words means that you took at least 40 minutes to write this task. You over wrote the reporting essay. You should only have 175-190 words presented here. There are only 20 minutes allotted for this task completion. You cut into the writing time of your Task 2 essay. So, you may end up not having enough time to complete the writing requirements of the next essay, which needs 40 minutes to complete the task. Practice writing with a timer next time. That way you will know exactly how many words you can write within 20 minutes. You have to make sure you properly allot your time to allow for editing after you draft the report.

In the summary overview, you forgot to enumerate the top 7 movie genres as a part of the most popular kinds of movies reference. You also presented a run on sentence. Always provide at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Never deliver all the information just in one sentence. That will limit and lower your GRA score. Your aim is to show versatility in your writing. That is done through different types of sentence presentation and punctuation usage. So do not limit your presentation to the short cut method of reporting the data.

Writing Feedback / Are boarding schools (students can live there during the term) an excellent option for children? [3]

I believe that you just made up the prompt for this essay. Why do I say that? The prompt does not make sense. The reasoning for the discussion in the original prompt is incomplete. There is only one reason provided for why the student should live in boarding schools, but no reason for the disagreeing side. Yet, you are being asked to consider both sides of the debate and reach a conclusion? Nope. There is no way that discussion will work. There is only one side for consideration so a debate and conclusion cannot be reached. Perhaps you did not post the original prompt? Maybe you accidentally tried to rephrase the presentation for posting here? Whatever your reason, it will be difficult to judge your essay based on an incomplete and/ or inaccurate prompt.

Your essay, based on the given prompt requirements, should have 3 discussion paragraphs to provide clarity regarding your topic sentences:
Par. 2: Pro boarding school
Par. 3: Anti boarding school
Par. 4: Conclusion
Par. 5: Summary conclusion

Your current paragraph presentations have way too many topic sentences, not enough developed discussions based on the topic sentences. Provide only one ore two connected topic sentences per paragraph, do not overstate reasons because you will fail to justify the reasons and its connections. Your paragraph will come across as under developed and weak in terms of explanations and supporting reasons.

Scholarship / Studying applied ethics in sports - Personal Statement for Erasmus+ Scholarship MAISI [2]

The personal statement is a bit difficult to understand. You have not really made any clear background reference in relation to the development of your interest in Sports Ethics. Your undergraduate studies can be mentioned in the personal statement. However, the professional exposure you had in relation to your chosen MS course is more important. I do not see any relationship reference in your essay. The actual presentation lacks direction. There is no true reference as to why EM is the scholarship that you chose. Your reason is too weak. There is no proof that this course and the scholarship will be useful to your future career based on your potential after study career plans. This is only a draft essay. You have to work on the discussion some more. Make it clearer in terms of references, experience, and career plans. Specifically, use a stronger reason for choosing to apply to this scholarship in particular.