Writing Feedback / Various children issues - suggestion about conclusion of writing task 2 [2]

Hallo guys.. please help me to correct and give suggestion about my conclusion of writing task 2. I really need your explanation especially about subject verb agreement or the paraphrasing word that appropiate. Thank you so much before.

Modern children are suffering from the disease that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

To sum up, it is believed bad habit of children often eat junk food and less exercise are the main problems which cause obesity. Parents should take an action to pay attention on meal nutrition which is consumed by children. They also must force their child to keep fit with doing sports routines.

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

All in all, Working in early age will lead children to have precious experience. However, I believe it unsuitble for them because they should have childhood with fun and concentrate on their study.

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils while other schools have a very relaxed dress code.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?

In conclude, the advantages of using uniform at school are students will have identity and it makes them more safe. There is no difference on their status between reach and poor students. However, the drawbacks of this code are they cannot show their characters with their clothing and the cloth of uniform makes student uncomfortable.

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies of shopping online?

To sum up, the advantages of shopping online are indirect activities for communication and payment thus it safes the time. This transaction also easy to conduct without limited by place and time. While, the drawbacks are the risk of fraud between buyer and the owner of online shop and fatigue because they have to look on gadget regularly.

In many parts of the world, people are choosing to have fewer children. Why do you think this is happening? What impacts may it have on society?

To sum up, highly needs for meal, health and school completely for the children lead people more likely to have not many children. The result of it on civilization, inhabitants will be more selfish because they do not learn about togetherness and less of human resources.

Writing Feedback / There are several predominant factors to reach happiness [3]

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Nowadays, some people say that happiness considered as one of the essential positive feeling in our life. Unfortunately, to reach happiness is not ease and every person has different ways to define about happiness. There are several reasons why people difficult to define happiness.

Firstly, hapiness consisted of different meaning and elements. Prosperity, success and achievement are common criteria used by people to measure about happiness, particularly in our society. To illustrate, people will more appreciate if we have a luxury car and apartment, we will reach new standard of live and hone our prestige rather than we achieve academic rewards such as winner of math or physic competition.

Secondly, every person has different views about happiness. Some people argue that happiness come from their hearth and soul while the adherent of matrealistic says that wealth and money can bring happiness for the owner. For illustrate, a husband will extremely happy have a child from his wife and happy to wait for his children born, a student will very happy if they can get reward in their school because their achievement and a couple very happy to celebrate their anniversary every year.

To reach happiness, people should be combine with several predominant factor to reach happines such as heart satisfaction and sense of gratitude to god. First, we still can satisfaction every single happiness moment in our life. Health and chance for instance. Secondly, sense of gratitude to God makes us not greedy about wealth and money

To sum up, it is difficult to explain about happiness. However, there are some essential factors which usually able to make people happy.

Writing Feedback / Food, drink and tobacco were the highest demanded products in some countries during the year 2002 [2]

A comparison of information about proportion on various consumption sectors in five different states in 2002 is shown in the table. Overall, food, drink and tobacco had the highest percentage while expenditure for leisure and school had the lowest percentage in those countries.

For meal, refreshment, and tobacco had the smallest proportion in Sweden only 15.77%. In Spain and Italy, both had under a fifth in that sector. The greatest proportion was Turkey at 32.14%

Italy spent for clothing or footwear is the most than other countries. Irealand, Spain, and Turkey had outcome at the same category for about six percent. The least of spending in this part is Sweden in a very small number 5%.

Spare time and education had under one in twenty in all countries. It became the lowest consumption than other sectors. Sweden had 0.02 percent higher than Italy while Spain spent not more than 2% in this section.

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Writing Feedback / The volume of goods in million tonnes in United Kingdom, years 1974-2002 [2]

The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.

The line graph shows information about the quantities of goods in million tonnes based on four different types of transports from 1974 to 2002 in the UK. Overall, there has been an upward trend in various modes of transport figures over the period and the most significant growth was road.

During this period, transfer of goods by rail and pipeline only under 50. Between 1974 and 1994, the amount of items in pipeline rise gradually From 5 to 25 then steady until 2002. In contrast, the figures of pipeline was an annual decrease until reached the bottomed at 30 in 1994. However, in the next quarter, it increased by more than 10 and reached a peak at 42 in 2002.

The transportation by water stood at 38 while road 70 in 1974. Then, there was a slight increase for both until 1978 and followed by went up a lot to 58 for water while road decline slightly in 1982. There was remained constant for water before 1994 but then fell back to 55 in 1998. Meanwhile, road increase enormously, although there was fluctuation before it achieved the highest at 94 in 2002.

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Writing Feedback / Students are encouraged to not directly continue their studies but work or travel for 12 months [2]

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Students who have finished their study in Senior High School are encouraged to not directly continue their studies but they have to work or travel for a year in certain countries. There is the advantages they can get, many experiences even money from that. However, the drawback is they will have diffilculty when start to study again after this long pause.

Having job to earn money or travel around the world after graduated from senior high school has own benefits for young people. They can get precious experience which they never had before. Taking Chelsea Olivia, an Indonesia artist as an example. She decided to break for her study after graduated from senior high school to focus on carrier. As a result, she got many jobs for shooting in some movies, commercials, and also got opportunity as a member of singer group. She earned much money from that and she rich with new experiences.

On the other hand, there is the disadvantage when people choose this way. It is because they will feel hard to start study and their motivation to learn will decrease. The most of them more likely to continue their job than comeback to university. The same instance, Chelsea Olivia. Firstly, she wanted only a year for pause from her study. Yet, after she passed that year, she told to public that she cancel her study again because she still busy on her job as an artist. Lastly, until now, she looks like hard to leave her job for study.

To sum up, people can choose to directly continue their study or pause for work or travel for a year. Besides they will have many experiences from the second option, they also have the drawback because it will feel hard to continue their study after this long break.

Writing Feedback / The punishment for evildoers must be fixed. Punishment and consideration essay. [2]

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The punishment for evildoers must be fixed. For another party, the condition of a suspect and their willing to execute, should be considered when determining the conviction. I believe the prisoners must get a penalty but awareness and responsibility of them toward their cases can be taken as a consideration.

An individual crime must be responsible for various type of crime which they have done. There should be a fixed punishment to make they realize that they have done an unlawful action. Besides, it encourages them to be a better person in the future life. Taking Roy marten, an Indonesia artist as an example. He got a punishment because of his addiction to the narcotics. After he runned his penalty, he realized to dissociate with narcotics. Although a felon must get a conviction, the circumstances of felon and their motivation to commit it should be taken account when give them the punishment.

The consideration about the state of criminal persons and their motivation to responsible should be a reasoning when adjudicate them. Sometimes, many small cases get a difficult penalty and fine. The old people who do not understand about verdict also get the same deal. Warsini case for instance. Warsini is old woman who was judged for theft of food case. She did that because she did not have any money for buy food. Therefore, the judge should considerate about her situation when deciding the punishment for her.

To sum up, I believe all of individual crimes have to get a punishment. However, the judge must consider about defendant circumstances and their willing to commit it.

Writing Feedback / Making cement from limestone and clay while the concrete requires cement, sand, water and gravel [3]

The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams present how cement and concrete produce with some steps and equipment needed. In general, the raw materials that are needed for making cement are limestone and clay while for concrete production it needs cement, sand, water, and gravel. Besides, the stage for cement production is more than making concrete.

In cement production, the first step is limestone and clay crushed together by crusher to become powder. Then, that powder is mixed in mixer and through the rotating heater. After that, it is put into grinder becomes cement. Lastly, that cement is packaged into cement bags.

For concrete production, 15% of all composition for cement is used. This process also need 25% of sand and twice proportion from that for small stones. Next, 10% water is poured to complete a hundred percent composition for making concrete. Finally, all of those ingredients are mixed together in concrete mixer to obtain concrete.

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Writing Feedback / These pie charts illustrate the total outcome of school in particular sections in 1981, 1991 & 2001 [2]

This three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.

Writing Task 1

These pie charts illustrate the total outcome of school in particular sections in 1981, 1991 and 2001. Overall, the most of school fund was used for teachers salaries while the least was used for insurance during these periods.

The proportion of teacher salaries stood at 40% in 1981. There had been an incline of 10 percent In 1991 and if it sector compares with the same sector in other years, this year had the greatest percentage. Then, it followed by a slight decrease to 45 percent in 2001. The same fluctuation also happened in resources category which stood at 15 percent in 1981. After that, it reached the peaked at one-fifth in 1991 and dropped slightly to 9% in 2001.

In 1981, there was 28% of school spending in other worker salaries. It hits the bottomed at 15% in 2001. School outcome for furniture and equipment had the least proportion only 5% in 1991. Lastly, for insurance sector just spent a little number during three year periods.

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Writing Feedback / I believe that the high-priced fossil fuels can solve traffic and pollution cases. [2]

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Writing Task 2

Nowadays, developing of vehicle in whole the world very rapidly it affects to the rising of congestiion and emmision. Thus, the price of fossil fuel should be more expensive to solve these problems. I tremendoulsy agree with this notion since this solution makes people more prefer to use bicycle and relay on two wheels than drive own cars. However, there is another way to help stop this problem, Government should limited the number of vehicle sales.

The increasing price of gasoline considered as one of the best way to overcome traffic and pollution cases. It will create a speculation that fuel is luxury items thus people more likely to ride a bicycle or become a pedestrian. Taking Japan as an example. The cost for petrol there has extremely high-priced. Therefore, inhabitants in Japan more prefer to go on foot or using their bicycle. As a result, we cannot find a traffic condition in there besides less amount of emissions in Japan's air.

Another measures that could be effective is stakeholders should reduce the number of vehicle production. This regulation forces citizen only able to hsve a few cars or motocyle. It impacts on the density of vehicles becomes decline while only few amount of emissions will be produce Brunei Darussalam for instance. This country had imposed the rule about limiting the number of vehicle. Thus, in this present time, Brunei does not have congestion and emissions problems.

To sum up, I believe that the high-priced for fossil fuels can solve traffic and pollution cases. Besides, another method with limiting the number of vehicle production is considered as an effective way.

Writing Feedback / Flying comfort in the US airlines (TASK 1 - satisfaction of air journey) [2]

The bar chart shows how the levels of satisfaction customer toward the quality of nation's airlines in the US while the table illustrates the information about the proportion of satisfaction in particular subjects of flying journey in 1999, 2000, and 2007. Overall, there was a rise in satisfaction of domestic airlines work while the comfort of seat aspect only can be found in 2007.

The percentage of customer who satisfied with the airlines stood at the lowest percentage 65 % in 1999. Then, the satisfaction of customer increase annually until reached the peak at 72% in 2007. In contrast, the proportion of dissatisfaction customer was at the highest level in 1999. After that, there had been an annual decline in this category until hit the lowest proportion under 25% in 2007.

The satisfaction with specific subject in courtesy of flight attendants was the highest during three periods 88%, 90%, and 92% respectively. Courtesy of check-in or gate agents achieved the peak at 89% in 2000 while for the price of ticket reached the greatest in 2007. There had been a stable proportion for schedule category in the last two periods at 79%. Lastly, having satisfied feeling toward the comfortable of seat only in 2007 for about 47%.

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Writing Feedback / Children must consume nutrition food at school to study effectively. [2]

To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Children must consume nutrition food at school to study effectively. This is true notion since meal supports the activity of brain when studying. Teachers and parents should responsible to give a healthy meal for them.

Studying activities force children to think hard. Their brain must work more to accept and keep the knowledge from learning. Therefore, children should eat a nutrition meal to help their brain when thinking. Taking research result from World Health Organization about correlation between food and ability of brain. The data shows that the ability of children's brain to understand and keep the information from school subjects in their memory 45% depend on the food which they consume. As a result, when children eat a health food at school, it will help them to learn more effective.

Teachers and parents have a responsibility to provide a nutrition meal for school children. When at school, teacher must ensure that all food in school canteen is healthy. Meanwhile parents have to control and keep the healthy condition with always give their children healthy food at home. My mother and teacher of my brother for instance. My mother always cook by herself every day to make sure that she always gives a healthy food for her children. Whereas, the teacher who teach my brother at elementary school always do controlling to the quality of food which are provided for school children especially to know the nutrition on those foods. Lastly, if all teachers and mothers do the same activities like my mother and teacher of my brother, all children will grow up smart and healthy.

To sum up, I believe that is true if children want to study effectively, they must eat a healthy meal at school. Furthermore, teachers and parents have to provide these foods for school children.

Writing Feedback / The percentage of employee relationship with their boss and peers at the office 2005 - 2009 [2]

The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationship with their supervisors and their co-workers

The pie charts show the information about the percentage of employee relationship with their boss and peers at the office between 2005 and 2009. Overall, it can be seen that the most of relationship between workers and their supervisor and colleagues were very good in both years.

Meanwhile, people who work without have any partners were the least during this period.

The workers who have very good relationship with their supervisor stood at 61% in 2005. There was a slight increase by 4% in 2009. In contrast, poor category had small proportion only 2% in both years. In 2005, there were 2% of workers who did not answer about their relationship with their boss and it disappeared in 2009.

The relationship with their peers in category very good in 2005 and 2009 were the highest proportion, 63% and 70% respectively. While, there was 1% poor relationship with co-workers only in 2005. There had been a decrease between 2005 and 2009 in good category, from 28% to 25% while fair category fell of 4% to 3% in 2009.

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Writing Feedback / Certain people think that other's people appearance is the essential clue to know what they are like [2]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Certain people think that appearance other people is the essential clue to know what they are like. Meanwhile, another say we cannot judge someone only from look their cover. I believe that first impression to know other people is from their clothes that they wear. However it cannot become absolute judgement about the others.

People when meet other persons at first time put their feeling to indicate someone by the dress. The conclusion about their characteristic emerges automatically in our mind after seeing their clothing. For instance, my first impression when i met my boyfriend. From the clothes that he wore which looks like a bad boy. I believed that he was not good for me at that time. As a result, I have poor thinking and it made me indicating that everything was bad about him.

On the other hand, people should not have conclusion about other people only from the outfits which they wear. It because this apparel not always present a real character about a person. Appearance is not absolute marking toward someone. Taking same example like before about my first feeling when I looked my boyfriend appearance. As the time goes, my boyfriend can proof that he actually not as same as his clothing style. He is a very kind boy, not bad at all. He only likes a bad boy style. This style makes other people do not bother him. That way, people cannot judge someone only from their apparel.

To sum up, I believe that first impression about someone emerge from first seeing on their clothing. Yet, it cannot become a judgement to think about what they are like.

Writing Feedback / People who conduct a business should concentrate only to their aims to make money. [2]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree of disagree?

People who conduct business should concentrate only to their aims to make money. I totally believe toward this notion, since getting money in business is for the prosperity of all parts of company including employer and employee. Besides, it also can accelerate the growth of business.

The majority of entrepreneurs have the similar objective to get income from their businesses. The fund that they make, will give the welfare for people who take part in those businesses. Taking my father's company as an example. The predominant vision of his company is to make money from the high income. Thus, my father as an owner will share his company benefit to his employee. Besides, my father gets many advantages from his business concentration to make money. As the result, people who involve on that business become prosperous.

Another reason to focus on getting money is high income can develop a larger business. Making money in a business, encourage businessman to expedite the development of their business in all sectors. For instance, Aburizal bakrie. His main purpose to get high income in his business causes him able to create other new business sectors. As the result, because of his concentration to make money on business, his businesses become more victorious. Even now, it becomes the biggest business kingdom in Indonesia.

To sum up, the objectives on businesses which entrepreneurs should concentrate is to make money. It is recommended for the new entrepreneurs to always focus on this purpose when they running their businesses.

Writing Feedback / The air leaking into the house in the first floor passes dryer vent, crawl space and windows [2]

Writing Task 1 page 35 cambridge 5.5-6.5

The diagram illustrates the circulation of air entrance and exit from a house which cause heat lost and energy wasted. Overall, it can be seen that, air getting into the house from the parts of house that connected to the outside. Meanwhile, the heat lost in the air through the ceiling to get out from the top part of the house.

The air leaking into the house in the first floor passes dryer vent, crawl space and windows above of washing machine. Crawl space between outdoor faucet and wall also the ways for the air entrance the house. In the second floor, the air getting into the house from electrical outlet, window, the crawl space at the door and from the kitchen fan vent.

The heat exit to the outside house because it is pushed by the air. The heat lost in the air through the some crawl spaces. The heat leave out the house from crawl spaces such as leaking from bathroom fan vent, plumbing stack vent, attic hatch and the crawl space between two rooms. Besides, there is energy wasted on recessed light.

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