Writing Feedback / The hiring process of a company is depicted in the flow chart - five steps [2]

Hi Helene, this analysis is one of the most comprehensive ones I read so far today, I believe the key to writing an accurate analysis is to, first, understand the given representation, may it be a pie graph, a bar graph or a diagram.

Once you gain confidence in understanding the figures, you must keep your focus on the facts, that is solely base on the given chart, the information should be in a no-more-no-less position and even more so, at the highest possible accuracy. Now, going back to your analysis, I mentioned that it is very comprehensive, this is because you nailed the points directed above and this is a very good practice, the more you write it this way, the better writing you will produce next time.

Overall, the only thing that I noticed, is your punctuation marks, you tend to forget them as you are so engrossed in your writing and this absolutely normal, what I do though is I proof read my essay before posting, this way, I get the first hand at criticizing my own work and you can do the same with yours.

Graduate / 'my deep rooted interest in geology' - A motivation essay in helping to pursue my graduate studies [3]

Hi Nyora, as I read and understand your essay, I believe it can still be enhanced by knowing the proper words to incorporate your essay and making sure that the message you are trying to say is transpire in your essay.

Having said that, I would like to share a few insights in your essay, please find below;

- I amMy name is Nyora Donald Kobare,
- Currently, I am being recruited andI am currently - Throughout my educationacademic life,
- with the make up of the earth.

- The time I graduated wasas
- the best student in the college with a firstmy class with a G.P.A
- further yet further( this is not necessary ) .
- During my bachelor's degree
- studies I also acquired

There you have it Nyora, as you can see, there is a huge difference when you know exactly which words will represent your ideas. Even more so if you have the thought and it clearly transpired in your essay. Well, no worries, however, practice is the key to get better at this craft, so no rush but learn to adapt every single advice you can get, believe me, they are very valuable to your future writing pieces.

Writing Feedback / Task 1: The comparison of Australian residents who visit four different public places [3]

Hi Maya, I can see that you received a comprehensive remark here from one of the EF contributors, now, I hope you follow through with the suggested modifications and below are additional corrections from my end.

2nd paragraph

- To begin with , there
- who comecame to
- the two entertainment places,
- going to library most( this is not necessary ) .
- all people inthe Australian population

Last paragraph
- Next, the rest of the
- places are zoo and the library
- has a similar
- library ishas reached
- by the new in comers from

There you have it Maya, I wish you the best of luck in your revision and may you find the corrections helpful as well as useful in your future writing reference. Keep writing!

Writing Feedback / Eight stages process of consumer goods manufacturing. [2]

Hi Su, here's my take on your analysis.

- The flow diagram gives us the
- of the manufacturing

- the production planningplanner .
- production planningplanner based
- After thatthis process ,
- tested thefor quality
- to the markets, ready to be sold.

There you have it Su, I leave the last two paragraphs for you to be able to practice editing it yourself. Moreover, editing is the best way to be able to see the difference from the original essay to the one that has been edited and base on experience, you can't really see the best of your essay if you never tried editing or proof reading it yourself.

I hope to review the revised essay very soon.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - An American film actor once said: "tomorrow is the most important thing in life" [2]

Hi Helene, after reading and understanding your essay, I must say it's quiet weak, the introduction for instance, it's like you jammed a lot of words into it so that it looks official, however, the sense and idea is not there at all. Remember, your readers, not only here on EF are well versed in the language, they practice, they edit, they learn to create the best essay they can ever write in order to answer the prompt.

Now, there's nothing wrong with coming up with a weak essay, the bad thing is when you don't learn from your mistakes and pretend that the essay is good when it's not. Anyway, the most noticeable part of the essay is the words you choose in order to create your sentences. You seemed to just put them altogether without realizing what the words really mean.

What I suggest is for you to consider a rough draft, mind the suggestions of the contributors here on EF and be more cautious in choosing the words you incorporate in your essay. I hope to review your revised essay soon.

Writing Feedback / This is report to describe the process of collecting information for the weather forecast [5]

Hi Maxim, it is our pleasure to be able to help you with all your writing article, there's nothing more than words of appreciation from all the people that we are able to help, whenever we log in we hope to hear all your feedback, this is the only way we can get better at this job. Knowing that we are able to help, gives us the fuel to go on, be able to have that strength to continue sharing our passion and fully exercise the language.

Moreover, the IELTS examination may be as taxing as it is, but hey, you can treat it as a normal writing exercise and this should relax you a little bit. Even more so, be confident, know that you have what it takes to ace this examination and to prove, not to anyone, but to yourself, that the English language is one challenge that you are ready to take on.

Finally, practice, practice, practice, as I always mention, this is the only way you can better and I believe, this is not just on academics but to life in general.I hope to see more of your writing pieces soon.

Scholarship / Study objectives statement for Public Policy and specialization in International development [3]

Hi Nazia, I believe we can still enhance your essay, I'll work on the first 2 paragraphs of your essay and I hope you notice the difference from the original essay.

1st paragraph
- and a mid career( no need to specify level of the career ) civil servant,
- I find it the most opportunethis as the right time
- my long held desire
- to better myself, academically,

- effectivenesseffectivity of the - resulting into a major

There you have it Nazia, I hope you will follow through with the suggested corrections above, as it may seem to be known, your words can really get far with the help of this program and the best thing is, you are not selfish, you aim, not only for your academic and personal advancement but even more so for the good of your people, keep it up.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The annual rainfall in Victoria and Washington [6]

Hi Helene, as I read and analyzed your essay, I must say that it is fairly written. You were able to come up with a an analysis that accurately describes and elaborates the information given on the bar graphs.

Moreover, you have used well chosen words on your essay, you made sure that they stay focus and in the right direction that you trying to focus and lean on to. The facts and the figures of the analysis are written in such a way that the reader will definitely understand your work and the message you are trying to convey.

Overall, the analysis is just as it is in the presentation and I may not be and IELTS examiner, however, judging on how you are able to accurately described the graph and exercise the rules of the language, I would give this analysis an 8, just a little bit more power and conviction when needed and it will be 10. Keep writing.

Writing Feedback / The percentage of visitors in an Australian zoo, library, theater, and cinema [2]

Hi Nurtria, I would like to help you out with your analysis.

Overall,it is a good analysis, you were able to elaborate your understanding of the pie chart. What I also like about the analysis is that you are able to expand the analysis in order to better understand the chart.

Moreover, you used simple words that will definitely help in understanding the chart, the presentation of the information is also very consistent and it is hugely base on facts and the figures given in the chart.

Towards the conclusion, I suggest that you add your personal opinion to the task at hand, this is one way to get more following on your analysis.

For future writing reference, keep up the creativity and make sure that the facts and figures of the analysis is consistent all through out the essay.

Writing Feedback / The number of places visited by three types different people living in Australia [3]

- by three types different people
- It is noticeable that the cinema
- favourite places by
- places visited by new
- countries is the library.
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - color / contrary - ideas ) ,
- lowest places visited among the others.

- Turning to the cinema
- and the library,
- cinema breaks the limited
- places to visited
- compared to approximately
- witnessed largeran increase than library. - Interestingly, the library is at the - very highhighest places
- see by new migrants from other countries, butand - it reveals very low percentage for the cinema.

There you have it Mimi, I hope the corrections help you out with your revision.
Practice, practice, practice....this is the only way to go and I know that you will get better with time.

Writing Feedback / Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Playing games teaches us about life. [4]

Hi Nahid, WELCOME to Essay Forum, this forum is aimed at helping, not only students, but any person who needs the assistance, the guidance and the most constructive criticism you can get from your writing.

May our insights be valuable in your writing and future reference, in general.

Now, I must say, playing games, may it be on the streets, online or in any possible way you can do it, it teaches you valuable lessons in life, lessons that you can carry on, learn, practice and even more so believe , believe that in every corner of life and things we do, there is a lesson, there is life.

Nahid, the essay you wrote is rather smooth, fairly written as it is to be regarded, you are able to showcase the idea and the thought of what you would like your readers to comprehend. I hope this insights help and may you find it valuable to your revision.

Undergraduate / Transfer Essay: Meaningful interest to complete the application. [4]

Hi Jiang, it is with utmost respect that I write this insights to your essay.
Respect as I believe, pursuing your passion, continue learning and aim for greater aspect of education.

Overall, your essay is written fairly well. The essay depicts your desire to pursue your education in this institution and the good thing about this essay is that, you were able to showcase a creative writing without ruining the purpose of the essay, what I mean to say is, you definitely remained focus, form the beginning of the essay, till the conclusion and at the same time, the essay stayed strong. Your sentence construction is also carefully laid out, in the sense that the words you use to associate your ideas are well selected.

Furthermore, your conclusion has a huge impact, the realization of things and the passion to pursue a good education is a noble pursuit to be great, not only for yourself but to be of service to others.

Writing Feedback / Reasons why adults decide to study and why such education should be shared [4]

Hi Maxim, here's another one from me, I hope you find it useful.

- forin taking up adult education.
- The first reason,is interest
- into the subject (40%),
- it is the most important;
- reason,is to gain
- being helpful forto the current job,
-it is higher

- So,that the quarter
- of gainsthe proceeds must

There you have it Maxim, I believe the missing points in your essay is the lack of focus on the sentence construction, missing linking verbs, missing the completion of the idea and the overall analysis. Overall, you have the idea and the way to create an analysis,however, you are having a hard time expressing your thoughts in a complete sentence, no worries though, because this can be worked out.

Writing Feedback / The high cost of leaving belongs to the largest drawbacks of Fairmont Island. IELTS [3]

Hi Mimi, I'd like to share additional insights to your analysis.

- ofin Fairmont Island,
- according to the survey of visitors,
- high cost of leavingliving (leaving - to go away / living - cost of daily expenses ) is the largest drawbacks ,
- while it can be seen that food
- among the others.
- In contrastOn the contrary ,
- the popular inand the most common
- with its scenery.

- drawbacks , high cost of living
- shows as the popular reason to - at under half the percentage . T

There you have it Mimi, I hope the corrections help.
I left the last few sentences of the analysis so that you will be able to try editing it yourself, following the modifications done above. Remember, when the words sounds the same, that doesn't mean that they mean the same thing, so you should be very careful.

Scholarship / I plan to take all my prerequisite classes and then apply to the Dental Hygiene program. Goals essay [5]

Hi Theresa, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, it is one of the reasons that fuel us, keeps us going and gives us the adrenalin to kick those pens and start writing.

For future writing reference, I suggest that you read more, practice the language as often as you can and even more so, keep your progress on the record, this is how most English practitioner became better at the craft and treat the language as your own, overall, practice is the key to be good at anything we do, life in general is like that I guess.

Theresa, one more thing, I hope you post all there is that you can write, this way, you will be able to showcase other writing techniques, discussions are also good write ups, they invoke your sense of learning and understanding the essence and expression of the English language.

Keep writing.

Scholarship / Opinion on my personal statement for Fulbright scholarship for Governance and Public Policy program [5]

Hi Nazia, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, I was hoping to read your revised essay at this point and if it's not done yet, it's definitely fine, however, I will not be able to judge the essay as it is your final one yet.

Now, as I believe the revision will be much better, I know for a fact that you will create a stronger essay. Moreover, you already started great, therefore the revision will be a good one. To answer your concern as to if it is a good essay for a scholarship, I must say you can polish it further and put your confidence and trust in your work.

Overall, you have the pen to write and the brains to use in order to come up with great ideas and I know that you can do this, far more than you know.

Should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be here for you.

Writing Feedback / The body weight Bob and John, IELTS TASK 1 [4]

- decrease instead throughout the year.

- In 2008, the weight of Bob's weight peaked
- in 2011, the both of the men's - feature washas reversed,

- In addition, in the table
- revealed, that in 2008,
- This washas caused
- to Bob never dodid exercise
- in thatat this time.

Hi Helene, as you can see, I took the liberty to edit your analysis and I hope you find it helpful and even more so, valuable to your revision.

Do let us know when you need further assistance and we will be here for you.
For future writing reference, you can definitely add a little revision on your analysis, it's just the forms of the words that kind of makes the analysis a little off, however, the construction id fine and the overall analysis is written fairly well.

Writing Feedback / This is report to describe the process of collecting information for the weather forecast [5]

Hi Maxim, first of all, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be helpful and valuable to your writing pieces, may you also consider us as your go to site for anything that you can think of, we appreciate any discussion, questions and anything that will help you get better, if not the best at this craft.

So, below are my corrections on your analysis.
- This is the report tothat
- describes the process

- The weather forecast is madedone on
- from the ground
- and from the water.
- above ground, meteorological
- from the water are
- on the synoptic charts.
- forecasts, meteorologists
- analyze the primary infosinformation ( avoid cutting back on your words ) such
- All of this
- the broadcastfor broadcasting .

- is broadcastedaired through TV,
- telephone number information system.

There you have it Maxim, I hope this corrections on your analysis, helps and is able to provide you with a far better analysis.

Writing Feedback / What are the reasons of poverty? It influences hundreds of millions of people around the world. [2]

Hi Jurny, I hope you are finding this website to be helpful in your essay and writing projects.
We aim to provide useful and objective feedbacks in order for you to get better if not the best at this craft.
Just a quick reminder, practice makes perfect and I hope you follow through with the suggestion we provide here on EF.

Now, going back to you essay, I believe, you were able to come up with a well written essay, you were able to back up your opinion

towards the creation of your answer to the prompt. More importantly, you were able to adapt the purpose of the essay, to show the world that

poverty is not just a problem in itself, it is an epidemic, the outcome of all other negative acts such as corruption, lack of focus and all other issues that are contributors of this pressing issue.

I hope my insights help and I wish to read more of your writing soon, should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be here to provide you with the most accurate and valuable impact.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 -IELTS- It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong.. [3]

Hi Mesad, upon reading and understanding your essay, I must say that you were able to create an essay with a good argument.
The essay is backed by facts and you did a very good elaboration of this facts into the paragraphs.

Indeed, children need to learn the wrong and right way to live life.
The more they are exposed to the examples of both aspects of life, the more they learn and this goes with age.
Generally, as a person grows, he is more susceptible to the changes and the influence pf the environment and this
will open his eyes to life and it's perks. Eventually, he will accept the facts of life and change the way things are when he

he finds out the he is against it.

There you have it Mersad, I hope this insights are valuable and will be helpful in your revision.

Writing Feedback / What I want to change in my university is to expand the library [3]

Hi Yoki, I find your essay to be very direct to the point, it definitely answered the prompt and what the purpose of the essay is.

You manage to showcase the idea of the library expansion to be far greater than it is as an expansion. The thing is, when confronted with this question, the library is the last thing that comes to peoples mind, I know this for a fact because the first thing that came to my mind was the modernization of the school system and not the library.

Moreover, you were able to convey a clear message by using simple words and a good flow of the sentence. This way of creating your essay will earn you good remarks, not only here on EF but even more so from the critiques that will judge your work on a different level.

I hope I was able to provide you with a valuable feedback and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we are here to help.

Essays / Skill Unit 3: Oral History about 9/11. [2]

Hi Brianna, WELCOME to the Essay Forum family, this website if made to help as much people as possible, not only to learn and practice English but more so, to get better, if not the best at it.

Now, you are absolutely lucky that you have your sisters boyfriend to help you out with the base of your essay because, believe me, writing a 4 page analysis is not considered a brief writing, a full page in itself is already a challenge, especially if you don't have a good base. An analysis is an in depth review of the prompt and information you have in your hand, in your case, this will be the answers to those 22 questions that you are able to gather.

Pretty much, what you have to do, is to elaborate the answers , add a few sentences of your personal opinion, however, the focus of the analysis should be the facts that is related to the answers.

This should be an effective approach to the analysis that you are trying to come up with.

I hope to read and review your analysis here on EF and just a quick reminder, post it page by page so that you will gain a more comprehensive and accurate guidance in the process of revision.

Scholarship / Opinion on my personal statement for Fulbright scholarship for Governance and Public Policy program [5]

- it impressedthis was pressed upon my
- life as a continualcontinues struggle
- to defy the societalsociety's expectations
- most disadvantagedunder privileged province of Pakistan.
- and improve life for their own kindgreater good .

- service further has revealed to me
- I wasam still a long way
- off from proving my
- ability, despite being
- Furthermore, I also graspedgrabbed the chance
- the common manordinary citizen at
- thea grass root level
- It is also in this endeavor , that I

Hi Nazia, as you can see, I took the liberty to correct a few paragraphs in your essay and I hope you find it useful.

Moreover, I would like to WELCOME you to Essay Forum, I hope you find this website to be of service to you as well as

become a valuable tool to hone your talent and writing techniques.

What I notice in your essay is the lack of familiarity to words, which is absolutely acceptable as English is not your mother tongue.
Well, I know that is a good start and I can't wait to review the revision.

Letters / Letter of intent "Master's Degree in Communications and Multimedia Engineering" need to correction [4]

HI Hala, first of all, WELCOME to the essay forum family, I hope that you will find this website helpful in your writing pieces, more so, be useful in honing your talent in this craft. At a glance, I must say that your writing techniques and approach toward the purpose of your essay is lacking the right placement of ideas, it needs a lot of help, with the focus on your sentence construction.

Below are my suggestions for the first 3 paragraphs of your essay.
- future outlook., I aspire to
- pursue the Master's Degree in

- hadwas installed
- in my city, Mosul-Iraq in 2003.
- I asked myself. How, how do
- How do notDoes it interfere
- promptinged me to discover

- weattendingattended and the
- in Iraq, thisthat helped me to learn the basics
- of a cellular principle,
- coddingcoding .
- course. Whiledue to the
- Therefore,Then I completed
- So then I have been commencedFollowing this commitment to my chosen field, I joined the German integration courses in Smart Academy which will finish in Sep-2016

There you have it Hala, I hope this initial remarks help you with your revision, I do suggest that you follow through and edit the rest of the paragraphs. I wish to review your revised essay soon.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 IELTS: the comparison of common advantages and disadvantages of Fairmont Island [2]

HI Nurtria, I would like to share my thoughts on your essay, please find my remarks below.

- i n the pie charts.
- the people, the scenery,
- of the people visitedvisitors supporting the high cost
- of living category beca me the worst problem of visitors in this island.

- to come to visit,it until
- it caused the rise of living commoditiesthe high cost of living becomes the biggest common problem
- advantage chart is seen in the good accommodation
- category that takes a fifth of the fraction.

- illustrated at a fifth of fraction,
- entertainment influenced the percentage

There you have it Nurtria, I hope I was able to help you out on this analysis and when it comes to the score, I will base it upon the usage of the language and I will rate this essay at 6, it's because there are still a lot of improvements to be done and I hope you follow through and practice the language as often as you can.

Writing Feedback / Psychologist's statement that parents and teachers hold a paramount role to control children. IELTS [6]

Hi rere, no worries at all, we are here to be of service to you.
Now, before I go, I would like to share a few techniques to get better at writing and exercising the language.

- Know your topic, learn it, research it and understand it.
This is because, the more you understand the prompt, the better you get at writing it and providing the necessary information.
The moment you mastered answering the prompt directly, the better the creations will be.

- Mind the flow of the ideas
Make sure that the ideas you include in your essay is logical enough, with proper sequence as well and it should have the character that is needed to make the essay stand out. Meaning, the events should be in proper order, the beginning of the story, the body and the conclusion

- be personal
Own your essay, speak to it from the heart and the rest will follow through.
Remember, your essay is the reflection of your being, the representation of your thoughts and ideas, it doesn't matter if you are just answering a prompt, what matters is that, the essay has sense and has a heart.

I hope this is just a good start and you will be better in the next ones, keep writing.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: Violence in Media Upgrade Hardness in Society? [5]

Hi Mimi, thanks for appreciating our work here on EF and I hope you continue to post your work here on EF and keep us as one of your helpful and useful choice in coming up with a strong essay.

What I would suggest for future writing reference is that, keep the ideas of your sentences, flow smoothly, make sure that the words that you associate in your sentences are clear and truly embodies the ideas that you are trying to convey to your readers, even more so, to yourself.

There's one exercise that I also practice and it is very effective, when writing, try to read your sentences aloud, now, when you hear that there is something off, that means there is something that needs to be done and this one will be addressed right there and then. This practice will lessen the mistakes that you get in constructing the sentences and in the end, will help you come up with a must better essay.

Well, I hope this is only a start of your writing, I do wish to review more of your writing articles, remember, it does not necessarily have to be an essay, any writing material or even some random questions that you may have, you can post it here and we will do our very best to assist you and provnide you with useful insights.

Letters / I would like to express my interest in studying at one of the government universities in Malaysia [4]

Hi Salam, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, there's definitely nothing more than to read feedbacks form our review that YES, we are able to help out and our remarks matter.

Now, with regards to the last few sentences that I left for your practice editing, it is entirely up to you if you think that there is only two modifications to be done, at the end of the day, you will be the one to judge if your essay will keep the suggested insights from us or not.

Moreover, a lot of contributors may find your essay, well written, some may not, so this is the same with you, you can choose on what to keep from the original essay and create a better and stronger one, that is the end result and that is what we want you to come up with.

Overall, you have a good start, the courage and the will to do better at this craft is always the best way to go and the best thing to do, so keep writing.

Letters / I would like to express my interest in studying at one of the government universities in Malaysia [4]

Hi Salam, I would like to add additional insights to your essay.

- I find anit interesting
- TheStudying medicine
- helped me to find answers
- forto several questions
- Also,the greatest thing
- in the life is helping someone
- my country Syria,
- Taking Medicine'sas a profession is greatestand a holy profession
- in thethat ever existed .

- I chose studying in Malaysia,
- because of itthe developed study,
- Malaysia is considered to have the
- the world ,and that I believe
- in the saying

There you have it Salam, I left the last two sentences for you to be able to practice editing your essay and I hope the above remarks help and is useful to your revision.

Undergraduate / What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? - Personal Statement College Essay [6]

Hi Jeffrey, first of all, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, we definitely appreciate your feedback on our work.

Now, to answer your question on, if the essay can stand the admission, I may not be in the position to answer that, however, as a reviewer of your work, I must say that, you have a chance to stand in this admission. reason I say this is because, you are able to come up with a different approach on essay writing and the question or the prompt, however basic it is, you are able to come up with a pretty regular prompt with a different creativity.

Overall, you are able to convey the purpose of your essay, the language is practiced properly and the transition is in smooth running sequence.
I wish you a very good luck in this endeavor and do let us know what comes out of it, we would love to hear from you.

Scholarship / Proposed study contribution / making improvements by implementing change or reform. Scholarship [5]

Hi Adhesti, no worries, we are here to assist you.
Please find the remarks for the 2nd prompt.

How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform?
- I always put my concern in an
- effectivivity and efficiencyways of working.
- I always analyze on tasks
- whichthat cannot be finished
- in a targetedgiven time.
- By the timeAs I found out

- I was onwith the reporting division.
- report of the capital budget
- tofor the government.
- there was nobody cared about
- that it effectsaffects the company's cash flow.
- As a result, during the three
- yearsperiod ,
- I can finish all the two thousandthe pending
- reports will be finished, however this is does not include the current reports.

There you have it Adhesti, I hope the corrections above help in your revision and may you continue to write, learn and read anytime and anyway you can, this is the only way you can get better at this craft.

Undergraduate / What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? - Personal Statement College Essay [6]

Hi Jeffrey, I would like to take on the first few paragraphs of your essay and I hope it helps in your revision.

- I truly didn'tdon't know
- curiosity, and a sense of excitement,
- and wonder at the possibilities
- of the future instilled withinin me,

- Since I was a smallAs a child,

- The smell of the library as I walked
- in for the first time would, stayed - them would created an instant
- that I would have this aura ofeagerness to seek information at my fingertips.
- That was the question, I kept asking myself,
- as I would walk the narrow aisles

There you have it Jeffrey, this is just the initial remarks for your essay, I will get back to you for the rest of the essay. What I notice here is that, the punctuation marks are missing, the tense of your words are somehow, not the correct one and this is a major formation of the essay that may or may not affect the entire essay, so you have to be very careful.

Scholarship / Proposed study contribution / making improvements by implementing change or reform. Scholarship [5]

Hi Adhesti, I would like to share some thoughts on the first prompt.

How will the proposed study contribute to your career?

- On that levelHaving said that ,
- I dowould not only
- common problemsissues such
- system that has already been - statements effectively and efficiently .

- My future goals are to beis to become
- and mya master's degree
- strengthen in themy ability to
- making. Ww hile my
- will giveprovide me with - knowledge and skills ofin improving

There you have it Adhesti, I hope you are able to follow through with the corrections and come up with a much stronger essay. Overall, this essay answered the prompt properly,it is somehow, straight to the point and a little remark is needed to keep it strong and in the process, strengthen the entire essay.

Scholarship / An MBBS program study essay on how I chose my proposed course and institution [2]

Hi David, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, whenever we log in, its always a good start to read students feedback. I personally made it a routine to read the feedbacks, one of the many reasons that keep us going.

Moreover, just like other jobs, its always good to be appreciated and even more so, when you can read and the rest of the team can do to, your likes, your comments, mean more to us and it fuels our purpose to keep helping and assisting as much people as we can.

I hope to review and read more of your essays and any writing project that you may have. We will always be here to be able to provide you with the most constructive and comprehensive analysis from your essays.

Writing Feedback / The Chart and information about global population, where China is the most densely populated state [5]

Hi Rere, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF.

To answer your question, "of which " is a more appropriate to the sentence and it absolutely depicts the ideas that you are trying to convey in your essay.

Moreover, Rere, you have to practice and focus more on the construction of the essay, the better you get at constructing sentences, the better are the essays you are able to create. Furthermore, you will be able to see your progress, saving your drafts will greatly help, so it's best to keep it.

I hope to review and read more of your essay, read a lot and practice as much as you can. Remember, should you need any help, regardless of the form of your writing, do let us know and we will be here for you and we will assist you with anything you need to.

Writing Feedback / Psychologist's statement that parents and teachers hold a paramount role to control children. IELTS [6]

Hi Rere, it's an absolute pleasure working on your essays and writing articles.
I believe you are able to come up with good essays and writing articles, if there's one thing that I would like to suggest, it's that you have to try to keep the words of your essay simple, this will keep the readers interest in reading the essay all through out.

Moreover, the simplicity of your essay would mean that you are able to comprehend well with what the topic is asking you to write. This would also mean that you are able to come up with a writing article that is more appropriate, modern and with sense of reality of todays world.

There you have it Rere, I hope we will continue to read and review your writing and provide you with accurate notes as well as insights with impact.

Essays / Motivation to get a travel grant to Frankfurt School Of Finance. [8]

Hi Abishek, I would like to share insights to your essay.

- When I was in my high school,
- the financial markets .
- Also, I also used to
- areis effectively managed
- by a single person effectively ?",
- slowly I slowly got to
- to leading a team

- the engineering college
- where I madedeveloped a passion in
- I started a startup company with

- With theFollowing my interests,
- where I wouldcould develop
- my knowledge and acquire new skills in the areas.
- If I winShould I be given this opportunity
- havehas experienced

There you have it Abishek, you see, it's not that hard to come up with an essay with a substance, as I mentioned, let your ideas talk and put it in writing, this is a fairly written essay and I must say, you're off to a good start.

Writing Feedback / Email is a fast and convenient way to communicate, and written letters aren't needed anymore. [3]

Hi Zhinous, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family.
I hope you find this website as a useful reference to your writing articles.
Upon reading and understanding your essay, I must say that it is well written, you created a good flow of ideas.

What I would suggest, however, is you define the citations that you have in this essay, what I mean is that, when you say,"firstly", then that should be the first example that you define in your essay and the succeeding ones will be different or regarded as second, otherwise, do not put a label in the samples you include in the essay.

Overall, it is a good start, and I hope we will be able to provide you with good reviews and you keep writing, remember, it does not necessarily have to be an essay, any writing article that you may have, you can post it here on EF and we will assist you further.

Writing Feedback / GRE prompt: Any information referred to be mistrusted, since it may prove false in the future. [3]

Hi Robin, I wish to provide additional insights to your essay.
As I read through your essay, I can't help but notice how argumentative the essay is, it actually depicts two sides of the coin, it clearly defined the points you are trying to convey to your readers. Your argument has strong ideas that transitioned properly.

When it comes to your example, I believe, as it is base on facts, it is very credible, very easy to understand and even more so, very unusual take on citation, most of the essays I read and review will not take such citation, so good job on that.

Overall, I find your essay well constructed, keep up the good job and I hope to review your essays and writing articles soon.

Writing Feedback / Is talent gifted or not? - IELTS Writing Task 2 [3]

Hi Nabila, what I like about this essay is that you were able to incorporate scientific facts with your opinion and create an easily comprehensible essay.

Writing an essay on intelligence and trying to reason against it or with it is one interesting essay. Indeed, talent can be a gift and it's the persons responsibility to hone it and use it in a way it will serve them best. Of course, those who does not possess talent should not feel left out, instead, they have to prove their worth and do things that will favor them and more so for greater welfare.

Moreover, the argument you cited in this essay is base on facts gathered through careful research and you were able to expand the idea, however, don't consider this as an act to lengthen the essay but take this as a chance to express yourself and make every word count.

Overall, it's a good essay and keep up the learning and exercise it in your advantage.