justivy03
Apr 16, 2016
Scholarship / Master of Architecture scholarship essay - Passion of art and design [4]
HI Christine, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, I hope we are able to suffice your needs on your writing.
Well, first stop, you have a very interesting essay, what I notice is that, the transition of the essay, depicts exactly what you want your readers to understand, the introduction is the background of the essays purpose and you did exactly just that, you made sure that the reader will know where you're coming from and this information is very essential, also, you used simple words that translates the ideas you have.
Next, the succeeding 2 paragraphs can be merged, this is to make sure that the presentation of the paragraphs is rather uniform than having to see, a few odd short paragraphs.
Lastly, the last 2 paragraphs are strong, just as strong as it started, however, I believe you can do a little revision if you keep one paragraph as a conclusion, do a summary of the last two paragraphs but make sure that all the elements of the essay that answers to the prompt are given priority in the summary.
There you have it Christine, I hope this insights are useful. Keep writing.
HI Christine, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, I hope we are able to suffice your needs on your writing.
Well, first stop, you have a very interesting essay, what I notice is that, the transition of the essay, depicts exactly what you want your readers to understand, the introduction is the background of the essays purpose and you did exactly just that, you made sure that the reader will know where you're coming from and this information is very essential, also, you used simple words that translates the ideas you have.
Next, the succeeding 2 paragraphs can be merged, this is to make sure that the presentation of the paragraphs is rather uniform than having to see, a few odd short paragraphs.
Lastly, the last 2 paragraphs are strong, just as strong as it started, however, I believe you can do a little revision if you keep one paragraph as a conclusion, do a summary of the last two paragraphs but make sure that all the elements of the essay that answers to the prompt are given priority in the summary.
There you have it Christine, I hope this insights are useful. Keep writing.