Writing Feedback / Some people think that life will be easier if there are fewer language [3]

Ngoc, why are you focused on the government responsibility in preserving languages when the essay is asking you to discuss if you agree that having fewer languages in the world, not just in your country, will be more beneficial? You have narrowed down the focus of the discussion to be only within your country when you are being asked for an international point of view / opinion for the discussion. This is not and advantage/disadvantage, nor an extent essay. This is a direct opinion essay that requires you to decide whether you agree that allowing international languages to become extinct will be more beneficial for the world. It is not about language preservation, it is about how the world will be easier to live in because people will, in the future, be speaking common languages instead.

Think of this essay in terms of the business world. The international business community has become smaller and easier to navigate for businessmen who study languages. The business languages are English, Spanish, French, and Chinese (Mandarin, Cantonese, Fookien, etc.). As such, it has become easier for businessmen to travel the world and discuss with their counterparts. This is evidence that having fewer languages will benefit society in general.

This is the main reason why I believe that you did not appropriately discuss the prompt requirement. You focused on the wrong argument in the essay which means you did not totally understand what the prompt was asking you to do.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: Describe the process of geothermal electricity production [2]

Huyen, you have written too many words for this essay. You need to write between 150-200 words only in order to maintain the quality of your writing. The quality is maintained by being able to proof read your work and correct the errors after writing your draft. Don't expect your first round of writing to be the final one, which is why you wrote so many words. If you don't edit, revise, and proof-read, you will turn in an imperfect, unchecked paper that will allow for multiple scoring deductions on your part. Always use a timer to make sure that you have written within the time limitation and that you have left an ample amount of time with which to edit the paper.

Since this is a Task 1 essay, you do not have to be very wordy in the description. As long as you properly describe the process and you stick to the instructions, you will have a proper restatement of the illustration. With only 20 minutes for this task, you need to make sure that you keep it short for the reasons I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Overall though, this is a good interpretation of the drawing. By the way, don't describe it as a simple diagram, call it an illustrative diagram because it contains worded instructions as well as a drawing of the process.

In the first paragraph, you need a comma to separate the process from the point where the water enters the production wells then pumped into a condenser. You need a comma between the two statements because those are 2 separate but connected instructions.

With regards to the digits indicated int he drawing, I know that you use commas in your country to indicate decimal points. That is not the international standard for writing out these digits. Always stick to the way it is shown in the drawing. That means, you have to say it is 4.5 kilometers instead of 4,5 km. The way you interpret the data has to be interpreted the same way by the reader so do not use localized interpretations. Use the original interpretations for TA purposes.

Your individual scoring is as follows:

TA , 8 - You have done a very good job in describing the 5 step process. You indicated all of the points for reference with an accurate description of the process per step.

C&C , 8 - The paragraphs are well developed in terms of explaining the procedure and you properly collated the information into related presentations, separating the process at the exact points it was also done in the diagram.

LR , 7 _ You have a good grasp of the English language. Most of the terms were properly used in the paragraphs. Any mistakes are negligible and does not impede the understanding of the energy production process.

GRA, 8 - Your sentences are mostly error free and only requires work on the signal words use such as the word "the". Aside from that, the sentences can be easily deciphered / understood by the reader.

Undergraduate / Common App Essay - "Do Dead Men Really Tell No Tales?" [2]

Sara, there is no danger in writing about a risky topic provided that it complies with the prompt expectations. In this case though, I do not feel that the lessons you learned actually sparked a period of personal growth, understanding of yourself, and an understanding of others. Sure this was a shocking experience. However, you spoke more about your fellow volunteer and what happened to him instead of what happened to you during this encounter. As a reviewer, I need to get to know about you through the events that transpired.

This essay requires a sort of transitioning to adulthood or the development of a more responsible person in the presentation. It should be a collective presentation of an overall growth instead of sentences presenting stand alone developments. You need to create a related, cohesive, and clear discussion that portrays a time in your life when you had an experience that helped you become a better person in some way.

You presented a story that is nice to read but doesn't really address the full requirements of the prompt. Don't worry about the title for now. Your title should be the least of your worries. Instead, focus on developing a relevant presentation first. When you write the correct essay, you will find that the title will easily come with the story that you wrote.

Writing Feedback / It is true that our waste from home we do not recycle enough in our society. [3]

Felicia, this is an extent essay. So where is the extent of your disagreement? This is not a simple agree/disagree situation, there needs to be a measurement of your disagreement with the statement. So you have to say "I totally disagree with this statement..." to be clear and responsive to the extent requirement of the essay.

Your second paragraph is a confusing for the reader. I read the paragraph 3 times and I still could not wrap my head around what you are trying to say. For example, your second sentence is a hanging sentence. There is a missing action within the presentation. You only have a subject presented without a verb so the sentence is incomplete. The most problematic sentence in the presentation is as follows:

Although people would be afraid ...recycling their daily wastes.

You need to clarify what you wanted to say in that sentence because it does not make any sense nor is it applicability to the discussion clear to the reader.

By the way, there is no such thing as a legal law. The law is automatically legal just like something done outside the law is automatically illegal. There is no need to state "legal law" in this instance. A reference to the "law" would have been sufficient enough.

Your concluding paragraph is flawed. While the first sentence is correct, the last sentence is wrong, you should not totally agree with the ideas you presented alone. You should also repeat that it is because of those reasons that you completely disagree with the given statement about laws being enacted to encourage more recycling.

Based on these observations, I believe that the following could be your per criteria score for this essay in an actual set up:

TA 4 - this score is based on your prompt deviation from the original presentation

Question: To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?
Response: I do not agree with this point of views that the government should take the full responsibilities of recycling

There is a big difference between the government taking full responsibility for recycling and the extent that laws are needed to make people recycle waste. Giving the government the responsibility means the government will be in charge of recycling for the people. So the people will not have any recycling duties anymore. The question is whether laws are needed to make people recycle their waste.

C&C 3 - you had ideas that were not presented in a logical and understandable manner of discussion. Refer to my discussion about this topic above for more details.

LR 4 - I explained your problem with the use of English terms above as well.

GRA 3 - I already indicated above the reasons why your essay is extremely difficult to understand in a number of instances, how you misunderstood the prompt question, and how these mistakes caused undue stress on the reader.

I hope that you will not be disheartened by the scores I gave you. You can use these grades as guidelines regarding your necessary points for improvement. I know you can still improve and that we have time to make sure that you do show improvement in your work.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - When it comes to recycle, only little domestic wastes have been recycled [3]

Daewi you totally missed the point of the essay discussion. Your approach to the essay is incorrect and did not discuss the topic presented based upon the instructions you were given in the original prompt. In fact, you did not make the point that the essay was hoping you would make until the very end of the essay, which means you totally missed the opportunity to write a passing essay. Even though you obviously understood the essay prompt, by not discussing it in the manner indicated, you ended up writing a failing essay. Why did you fail the essay? Let's have a look at the original instruction and how you wrote the essay. Compare the two and the reason should be immediately clear to you:

Prompt Question: To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?
Your Response: This essay agrees with this suggestion due to its benefits. The essay will first examine how imposing laws on recycling affect people and then discuss other possible alternatives.

I am sure that you can clearly see how your discussion is to be considered a prompt deviation and as such, will ensure that you do not get a passing mark for this essay. The reason for the non-passing mark will be that you changed the prompt topic and thus, discussed points not relevant to the discussion. You were asked to discuss whether there is a need for recycling laws in order to force people to reuse their reusable waste products, You instead discussed how recycling laws affect people and possible alternatives to recycling. Which totally misses the discussion mark for this essay. These are also the reasons why your essay will have a difficult time getting a passing score in an actual test.

Writing Feedback / These charts provide an overall view of how the usage of water varied among six regions on Earth [3]

Viet, always time yourself when writing your essay. You have only 20 minutes for this task. That means you should leave at least 5 minutes towards the end for proper editing and finalization of your essay before submission. Writing 287 words indicates that you are not leaving any time at all for essay correction on your end. That can spell a disaster for you in the actual test. Write no more than 200 words for this type of essay in order to give you editing time. Believe me, in the actual test, you will not have the time to write 287 words like you did in this essay.

As I reviewed your essay for content, I noticed that you did a good job in presenting the chart information except for a few sections. You did not properly identify the image provided, there is no trending statement, and you placed pertinent information in a parenthesis. These all add up to create some major errors on your part.

The trending statement is located at the end of the opening summary. This sentence indicates the concluding result of the illustration(s) provided. This is meant to show the development of the countries and who used the most water in terms of percentage in the chart. Since this sentence can be placed anywhere in the essay, even at the end of the presentation in the form of a concluding paragraph, I was hoping that you would have presented it somewhere here. I guess you were focused so much on just typing in English that you neglected to remember the importance of presenting all of the required elements in the essay.

While there were 6 charts presented in the essay, you failed to identify the kind of chart that was presented. This is part of the TA consideration of your essay so when you just say "chart" as opposed to "pie chart", which was the chart presented, you will lose points for inaccuracy. There are several types of charts, so you need to be specific about what chart was presented in your report. It helps to create the analytical thought process that can help with your C&C increased scoring.

The countries indicated should not be placed in a parenthesis. That is because these countries are a major part of the discussion and yet, you placed it in what is known as an optional format. The parenthesis means it is not part of the discussion but is worth mentioning anyway. Since the 6 countries are an integral part of the discussion, you should have simply listed these countries as part of the paragraph presentation.

Due to the problems that I indicated above, I do not feel that it would be fair to score you on this essay. It's imperfections will not bring in an acceptable score for you. So I will instead, give you another chance to write a Task 1 essay in a proper manner and then I will score that one for you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: WHICH TO INVEST IN, RAILWAYS OR ROADS? Give reasons for your answer. [3]

Viet, with 325 words written in this essay, I can only assume that you did not bother to time yourself with your writing. When you do not time yourself while taking the practice tests, you will tend to write more words, but not leave yourself enough time to go back and revisit what you wrote in case you need to edit, revise, or write a totally new essay if you see that your original essay is not prompt responsive. The aim is to write a minimum of 250 words but no more than 300 because you need to leave at least 5-10 minutes before the end of the test to work on improving the text you just wrote. Please remember that timing is crucial when it comes to the proper development and presentation of your essay. Don't waste time just writing words. You need to make sure your paragraphs are coherent and proper developed. So use a timer next time.

If you don't mind, I will be scoring your essay on a per criteria basis because that is the only way that you will learn what your strong and weak points are in terms of Task 2 writing. With that said, expect my score for your essay to be highly different from the general score that you were given above . You may opt to believe whichever score you wish to consider as more accurate.

TA 4 - Your opening paraphrase does not give the reader a clear idea of what the original prompt is about. The way that you framed the restatement is difficult to understand as it is lacking some key points in the presentation. You did not create a strong supporting foundation for your upcoming discussion in the TA section.

The mistakes in the presentation are:

1. It is generally ... but motorways. - There is no such declaration in the original prompt therefore you misrepresented the original topic for discussion. This created an inaccurate representation of the discussion topic.

2. Actually, there are plenty of youths... owing to countless reasons. - Where is this stated in the original prompt for discussion?

The opening paragraph is always a restatement of the original prompt in the way that you understood it. Do not offer information not in the original prompt. That creates confusion for the reader and is the main reason why you do not have a solid foundation for this discussion essay.

C&C 5 - While you did present several key information in your paragraphs, you did not properly develop the discussion for any of the facts. As with any Task 2 essay, the single topic per paragraph helps you better form your paragraph explanations and allows you clearly develop your ideas in a method that is relevant to the discussion. You are not scored on the amount of information, but rather your ability to properly explain yourself in a manner that is clear and connected to the overall discussion you are presenting.

LR - 6 Although you have some issues with word usage, you have managed to use the words in the proper context in your presentations. You have problems with tense usage and subject-verb agreements but these are minimal and do not really affect the overall paragraph presentation.

GRA - 6 - you display an acceptable skill level when it comes to the creation of complex and simple sentence structures. While the sentence formations are not as proper as can be, these do not create any stress for the reader and still allows for easy understanding of your written work.

presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression ƒ

Undergraduate / Fashion School Admission Essay; Drawing and sewing dresses [2]

Nai, the application essay is asking you to consider how the course requirements for your chosen major at the university ties in with your interests, talents, skills, and potential for academic and professional growth. It is not asking you to write about the foundation of your interest and when you realized you had an eye for fashion. That is why I am of the opinion that the essay you wrote is not proper for the prompt and you should not use this essay for the application.

The prompt is very clear. You have to discuss the reasons that you chose to major in this course at FIDM. That covers the subjects, training, mentor programs, student community, after school activities, and other aspects of academic and personal growth that can be enhanced by attending FIDM and completing the course you have chosen. Think along those terms. Here are some additional guide questions that can help you write a new essay.

1. What is your chosen major? What appeals to you about it?
2. What were your academic considerations when choosing your fashion school?
3. When and how did you hear about FIDM?
4. What made FIDM stand out for you?
5. What made you choose this major at FIDM?
6. Explain how FIDM can help you meet your academic and career goals upon graduation

These are the most basic guide questions that can help you develop a more targeted response to the essay. Right now, there is no focus at all on your chosen major in line with your choice of fashion school in your current essay. You aren't being asked to write a personal statement that explains the development of your interest. Rather, you are being asked to relay information regarding the how and why of your choice of fashion major and the university to study at.

Research Papers / Skins of Social Media - Paper on social media addiction [3]

Vijaya, there are simply too many missing aspects in this paper for it to be considered a completely developed research paper. For one thing, you do not really justify the rise of social media as an addiction in today's society. When did the addiction to social media begin? What were the causes of the addiction that look into the history of social media? What is the factual basis for your claim? Where are the sources for the measurements that you present in the essay? Upon whose authority do you make these claims?

If social media is a true addiction, then what were the early methods of curing it? Why do you think society allowed the use of social media to spiral out of control? How did this lack of social media check and balances contribute to the growing addiction of the population? How would you define social media addiction? What is the psychological profile of a social media addict? Does an addiction to taking selfies qualify as social media addiction? There are too many parameters left open to investigation and a lack of focus in the actual research. You need to narrow down your social media addiction focus. As you can see form the questions I have been asking, your research is nothing more than a draft that requires further development, brainstorming, outlining, and narrowing down to your main thesis discussion.

As for your thesis statement, it is only a general statement that does not offer any actual insight into what the target topic and conclusion of your discussion actually is. Your cure is left with little development in terms of actual application and success rate. Your conclusion sounds like you don't really know what results you hoped to garner from your research. Overall, the essay is still extremely weak at this point.

Writing Feedback / Education should be free irrespective of students' financial background. Agree or disagree [3]

Phuong, this is an extent essay that relies on your opinion of the given topic. This is not a comparison essay as you have it presented at the moment. Although you could have done a comparison essay discussion for this essay, you could have only successfully done that if you had properly formatted your discussion thesis based on the original instructions. That is the main reason why your essay comes across as an essay that does not appropriately discuss the given prompt statement. In this essay, you haven't really made a decision regarding which opinion you support, which is the whole point of the essay. If I were the one who had written the prompt paraphrase, I would have said the following:

There is a growing discussion as to whether the government should provide intelligent people with a free college education. There are people who believe that universities should not prevent bright students from attending college just because they cannot afford to pay for it. I completely agree that college education should be free for intelligent people based upon a number of considerations.

This is the sort of prompt that does not have a middle ground in the discussion. You need to either agree or disagree. If you agree then explain why based upon specific information. If you disagree, you need to have compelling reasons to oppose the original discussion. Your essay does neither of these effectively. It is weak because it does not take a true side in the discussion and it doesn't make sense because you refused to present your personal opinion in the essay.

Your summary conclusion creates a prompt deviation because you are discussing the necessity of a free education instead of the right of a student to a free education. Those are two different topics which means you did not conclude the essay in the proper manner. Rather, you have an essay that is open ended, which means your essay will not receive a passing score in the actual test.

Writing Feedback / Students should be equipped with both knowledge and practical skills during their time at schools. [3]

Mu, this is a direct opinion essay. You should have indicated your personal opinion as part of the thesis statement at the end of your prompt paraphrase. In addition to that, being a direct opinion essay, you are being asked to make a decision within the discussion. This seems to be your main weakness when you work with direct opinion / answer essays. You cannot make a decision about which side to support. I keep reminding you that all IELTS Task 2 essays are single opinion essays unless you are asked to discuss both sides. In this instance, you failed to recognize that you are being asked to pick just one side to strongly defend within the body of paragraphs discussions.

Since you agree that undergraduates should be equipped with both knowledge and skills, then that should have bene your thesis statement, with the second paragraph introducing your first reason for your belief, with an additional 1 or 2 paragraphs that can offer a solid example or extra supporting evidence or data for the stand you support. Remember, your C&C score depends on the complete explanation of your stance on an issue, your TA score depends upon how well you executed the instruction you were provided. Your GRA will improve if you focus on just discussing one topic. I believe I reminded you about how to improve your TA and GRA score based on a single opinion discussion and you said you were going to try it next time. I think you forgot about it :-)

In this type of essay, your personal opinion goes to the top, the second paragraph, the remaining 2 body paragraphs should support your claims through explanation and examples. Do the next direct question essay in that manner and you should be able to get a better score for the practice test.

Writing Feedback / Society needs to create opportunities for everyone, thus gender equality should be encouraged. [5]

Hang, you need to work on how you respond to the direct question essay questions. Your response is not very effective because your opening paragraph doesn't follow the require paraphrasing and discussion instruction representation which would have better kicked off your reasoning discussions in the succeeding paragraphs. Since this is your first essay here, let me show you a better method of presenting this restated paragraph:

Males and females have been know to have highly different strong and weak points. That is why there has been some discussion as to whether certain people should be prevented from performing certain professions or tasks due to the publicly perceived gender limitations. In my opinion, I believe that gender should not be considered when assigning a job to a person. Rather skills and ability should be the center of the qualifying reason for assigning a task to a person.

You should continue your reasoning discussion from there. While your GRA and LR weaknesses truly prove to be a problem for you in this essay, you somehow managed to get your point across in a manner that the reader can easily understand. That is a good thing for your scoring consideration in those aspects. However, you should avoid using connecting words such as "Because" or "And" at the start of sentences because there are no ideas to connect in such a presentation.

Try to better develop your explanations in the essay by offering comparative points in the paragraph. For example, why can a female carpenter also perform in the same manner as a male carpenter? Explain it, give examples to help the reader understand your reasoning in a clearer or better manner.

Undergraduate / Debate over divison - USC supplement essay [3]

Layla, I do not believe that this essay works well for the prompt you have chosen because what you wrote about is not something unique about yourself that other people might find strange or shocking at first, but then, as they get to know you, they will realize that this quirk is something that can help them to better understand who you are. Rather, I believe that you can use this prompt, in a better developed manner to respond to the prompt about:

What about your background ...education of your classmates?

Your essay aligns best with this prompt because you wrote a line that explains : At USC, I would willingly accept ...society and policy.

This is a statement that best reflects the last prompt in your list of choices. Try to build up more of how you can help your classmates and focus less on the story about the classroom discussion. Don't be a contrarian, instead be a person who invites a discussion. A contrarian tends to have a negative connotation as taking the Fergus Anderson position means you only want to disagree for the sake of disagreeing and you do not wish to have a logical and sound discussion of a given topic. Don't imply that you are a know it all because you always think you are on the correct side of the debate. Instead, portray the image of a student who is willing to share his knowledge in an open discussion that encourages learning for all people concerned based on facts and figures and not ridiculous oppositionist discussion alone.

Writing Feedback / It is increasingly concerned that the recycling of household garbage is not adequate to the needs [4]

Huyen, your TA score will be adversely affected by your mistake in paraphrasing the prompt with regards to your response to the instructions. You changed the prompt response and that could have very well led you to go totally off the mark and discuss something irrelevant to the prompt. Luckily, your discussion paragraphs remained in track so the reasoning is correct and help to pull your TA consideration a bit. Your scoring, per bracket, I think could be well within the following ranges:

TA - 5 - your biggest mistake in the development of the essay was the wrong response. Let me outline it here for you:

Original Question: To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

Your Response: Some suggest that legislation should be introduced to make recycling an obligation. I am in total agreement with this perspective for a number of reasons. (Wrong Response)

Correct Response: I partially support the need for legislation to encourage people to reuse their trash whenever possible. I will explain a number of reasons in relation to my point of view in the following paragraphs.

The partial approval of legislation that I wrote about is based upon how you explained the need for civic duty as well. A civic duty does not need to be legislated. It is not a law but rather more of a sense of fairness, decency, and what is proper in terms of actions to be taken in a given instance such whether or not to recycle and why.

C&C - 5 - The paragraphs could use more development in terms of explanations. All of your paragraphs should have at least a transition sentence at the end to help make the paragraph feel complete rather than being under developed.. The writing feels incomplete most of the time.

LR - 5 - you are using words that are simple enough and you are spelling certain terms, such as "mimimise" properly because you are taking a British English exam and the word is spelled that way in British English. You show a definite grasp of the differences between word use in British and American English representations. However, your grammar is still too simple to be considered advanced in terms of British English usage.

GRA - 5 - Your sentences need work in terms of structure and complexity. You have more simple sentences than complex sentence presentations. You may want to work on your complex sentence presentations in your next essay. Create a balance between simple and complex sentences per paragraph, but don't create run-on sentences.

Based on my observations, I believe your final score will be anywhere from a 5 to a 5.50 for this particular essay.

Writing Feedback / College and university fees. The tuition in tertiary education is a controversial topic. [3]

Thanh, there is a mistake in your interpretation of the prompt. You are being asked to reason out as to whether there are advantages to having the government spend on college and university fees over the disadvantages of the same. Look at the reason why your prompt paraphrase is incorrect based on the outline of the discussion below:

Original Question: Do the advantages of government spending their money on college and university fees for students outweigh the disadvantages?

Your Response: I am in favor of the idea that students have to pay on their own.

The response that you developed is not in line with the original prompt response instructions. The keywords that need to be read in your response should pertain to: government spending money, college and university fees, advantage, disadvantage. These keywords must be paraphrased in your response. Instead, you changed the prompt discussion by saying you are in favor of having students pay their own fees. You are no longer discussing the correct prompt topic and instructions in this instance.

Rather than discussing and advantage / disadvantage essay, your actual presentation is a comparison essay instead, which does not carry the same discussion points as the former essay type. In a comparison essay, you do not have to take sides in the essay presentation. In an advantage/disadvantage discussion, you should discuss both sides but, you must pick a side to support in order to present the implied personal opinion as the 3rd body paragraph in the essay. This creates a more prompt adherent response.

Writing Feedback / Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. [3]

Felicia, while your discussion points for the reasoning part of the instructions are correct, your response to the prompt instruction is wrong. Let me illustrate the mistake for you in outline form first. I will explain the mistake to you after that.

Original Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Your Response: Therefore, it is true that a training course prepares a solid foundation for couples to get ready for the next stage of life.

Your Mistake: Lack of extent response.

This is an extent essay which requires a emotional response prior to your discussing the reasons for your opinion. Pick only emotional response and then develop your discussion around that. A sample of a proper emotional response for this essay is:

... I totally agree with this point of view because...
... I am in full agreement with this statement...
... I wholeheartedly agree based on the following reasons.
... I fully agree...

Or any variation therefore. I based the samples upon the fact that you reasoning discusses only the agreement opinion of the essay. Therefore, I can say that your work is partially incorrect and will received a partial grade in terms of TA considerations. Partially correct because of the way that you discussed a strong single opinion in the body paragraphs but only partially correct because of the missing response to the prompt discussion instructions.

Writing Feedback / Is internet helpful or not? A lot of people are addicted from it already. [3]

Raj, you need to make a clear reference to a thesis statement at the start of the essay. When I first read the paper, it felt like I was starting in the middle, with information immediately being offered to me regarding internet addiction. There was no build up or introduction to the topic for discussion. This resulted in a paper that does not come across as a paper that has a focal point for discussion.

I believe that you are writing a methodology paper right? As a methodology paper, you need to avoid first person references as this creates a sort of bias in opinion or method of study. Your method of writing is too informal for a methodology presentation and does not include relevant information such as your estimated results and proposed outcome of the research based on the proposed information gathering methods.

The biggest challenge should not be the interview but rather sourcing interviewees, scheduling the interview, and finding appropriate places to conduct the interview. You may want to look into revising that part a bit.

Writing Feedback / Citizens should be able to save all the money they earn and shouldn't give tax for their authorities [2]

Phuc, you totally changed the discussion prompt for this essay. It appears to me that you misunderstood the prompt question, which is why you ended up giving the wrong response as an opinion for discussion. Let's compare the original prompt topic, reason, and instruction with what you wrote in the opening paraphrase:

Original topic: people should keep all the money they earn
Reason: sould not pay taxes to the state
Opinion Question: Do you agree or disagree?

Your topic: citizens should save all the money they earn (CORRECT)
Reason: should not give tax for their authority (Wrong)
Discussion Opinion: While, I think this policy exerts many positive effects, I hold the opinion that that they should dedicated a part of their incoming to the governments' budget. (Wrong)

Let me explain the 2 mistakes in your opening statement.

1. The opinion is that people should not give taxes to the government. When you say "give tax for their authority", you mean to say that they have to pay taxes in order to have some sort of power over something like say, the government. That is wrong. What you should have said was "pay taxes to authorities." That is the phrase that best paraphrases the original prompt.

2. The instruction is for you to pick one opinion, either you agree or disagree, you can never say your opinion covers both sides as this is a single opinion essay, and then discuss the singular opinion that you support with justifications and reasonings. Your reasoning is nowhere near the required response. This is not a comparison essay, which is the manner you discussed it in. So you would get a failing score in terms of task accuracy, which could lead to an overall failing score for the essay as well.

Sample paraphrase for this essay:

There has been an ongoing discussion as to whether or not people should pay taxes for money they earn. People tend to analyze if it is proper to ask people to compensate the government for their earnings through taxes. I don't agree with this statement due to a few reasons.

Try to use replacement words that would help you restate the original prompt in a manner closer in meaning to the original. Be careful of your word choices because if you use a word that sounds correct but has a different meaning, you end up changing the prompt for the discussion. I believe that is what happened in this instance and it can be easily avoided if you can manage to better understand the requirements of the original prompt and you have the opportunity to carefully choose the words you will use in the opening paraphrase.

Writing Feedback / The proportions of British students at an England's school who were able to speak foreign language [2]

Hello Huyen. You have done a very good job with this essay. So good in fact, that you were able to properly develop a trending statement that helped to boost your score. The comparison discussions are also appropriated developed but with some grammar issues. You have shown a good grasp of the English language to the point when you have written an essay that, although grammatically problematic at some points, was able to come across clearly to the reader who would not be too stressed out in reading your post.

I would rather score you on an individual basis of scoring considerations if you don't mind. That way, you can clearly see, in a self-explanatory manner, where you need to improve with your work in your next essay. My scoring opinion of your work is as follows:

TA - 8
C&C - 6 (learn more about plural word usage)
LR - 7
GRA - 6 (tied into your plural word usage)

Scholarship / Relevant work experience to commerce [3]

Haniye, you need to consider the word count for your response. How many words are you allowed to write? Based on the number of words required, you should be able to create a full essay response that better explains what you duties, obligations, and other roles in the company is. Do not say "Our main duty" but rather "The store specializes in..." When you say "our main activity", you make it sound like a non-professional job when you are a professional at what you do.

Your sentence about jewelers making charges does not make any sense. It has a topic, an action, but no reason so the sentence is unclear. You cannot persuade a person or client to purchase what they are "willing" to have because that is all they are willing to buy. Rather you should be describing how you convince clients to buy more than they need or want to have. You need to revise the presentation for your last sentence in your first paragraph. It doesn't make sense. Did you mean that the karat determines the gold?

You do not explain your leadership skills in the essay. Your second paragraph is too short and not descriptive enough of your duties and obligations as an interim manager.

Explain also why service to foreign clients are the sweetest part of your job. What made you say that? Be more descriptive and informative in order to better represent yourself in this written interview.

Writing Feedback / Growing number of young people isn't necessarily only an advantage [3]

Moon, your essay only responds to the prompt in a tangential manner. This means that you did not appropriately respond to the question being asked. This is a comparison essay for both the old and new generation based upon the advantage of one argument over the other. You focused only on justifying the young adult discussion as an advantage but failed to present the disadvantages of the aging professional population which would have properly justified your reasoning based on the prompt requirements. There are a few keywords that should have clued you in on how to discuss this essay:

Keywords: large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people, advantages, disadvantages

So the focus should not have been on the young adults population for the discussion but rather a 50/50 spread for the discussion over 5 paragraphs. You should not have tried to discuss everything in only 2 paragraphs because you did not have solid justification or explanation for your reasoning. You only indicated topic sentences in every line of the paragraph. That did not really work well in terms of your C&C consideration as well as your GRA skills.

Let me score you based on every criteria in this essay:

TA - 4

C&C - 5

LR - 5

GRA - 5

I think that with this essay your score will be anywhere between a 4.5-5.

Undergraduate / "Fashion and writing" - reasons why I think I am a suitable for Fashion Institute of Technology [3]

Chyna, your first paragraph doesn't really help to move the essay along. It would be best to omit that and instead, open the essay with a presentation of the stand alone quote from the writer in the following format:

"Life is like water. .. It comes right back every time". - Toni Morrison

Then go into the first paragraph by explaining what obstacles you had to overcome in order to get to where you are today. The paragraph about your preparation for the course should be divided into topic paragraphs so that is easier to read and also better formatted towards a quick reference should the reviewer need to do so. Try to better develop the explanations for your preparation by explaining how you hope to use these skills as a student at FIT.

By the way, your final paragraph isn't really as catching as it should be for a closing paragraph. You need to think of either replacing it or finding a way to spice up the presentation to help make your essay more memorable to the reviewer.

Writing Feedback / Advertisement response - Letter ielts general training [2]

Tejal, your essay is confusing to read. If you are writing in response to an advertisement, then that means that you are writing to NIIT and not a representative of your company. That being the case, the overall content of your letter is wrong. The proper opening paragraph for this letter should be:

Dear Sir,
I am writing to you regarding a unique opportunity that appeared in today's issue of the Times newspaper. It appears that the NIIT will be offering an Excel training course beginning the 1st of June this year. Since this training is directly in line with my current work duties and responsibilities, I am seeking the company's support in attending the training by requesting that an allocation of Rs 500 be allotted from the employee development fund to cover my training fees.

From that point on, you can add a second simple paragraph informing about the training program and how it will be used in your current role as an employee of the company. Then a third paragraph, highlighting your interest in the course and your hope for sponsorship should be written to close the letter.

Letters / Motivation letter for student visa study M.Sc. Animal Sciences at the University of Bonn [3]

Hany, you only need to use paragraphs 5,6, and 7 for this motivational letter for the student visa. Your explanation in these paragraphs regarding your motivation are strong and straightforward. These paragraphs already explain everything that needs to be explained regarding your motivation to study in Germany. You have given acceptable reasons to help the consul believe that you will be leaving Germany at the end of 2 years. However, if you can include a statement that indicates how you plan to return to your home country during your vacations and you will not be seeking employment in Germany while attending school there, you should be able to further convince the consul that he has nothing to worry about with regards to you possible circumventing the student visa rules.

So all you have to do to edit this essay is remove the first 4 paragraphs. Those are useless because those are historical in text, which is not really relevant to your masters degree motivation. No, not even you high school academic background is important in the motivational letter. As you can tell from the name of the letter, it is all about motivation or the force driving you to study advanced courses in relation to your profession for the betterment of your career.

Writing Feedback / The effects of the growing use of technology in classroom environment [3]

Van, you are over thinking this essay topic. Overthinking is what will cause you to fail. You do not need to dazzle the examiner, you just need to convince him that you have enough English know-how to survive academically in their universities and colleges.

In response to your question. You can dive directly into the topic for the discussion in the paragraph. Do not introduce several reasons in one paragraph because you are being scored on your ability to explain your topic and its accompanying justifications in English. You do not need several topics. You only need 3 topics namely;

1. Point of view 1
2. Point of view 2
3. Personal opinion

You only have a maximum of 5 sentences, minimum of 3 per paragraph. That is why you are encouraged to develop only one topic for the discussion per paragraph. You cannot completely explain several topics in 5 sentences. This would result in a low C&C and GRA score because none of the topics will be properly justified in the paragraph.

If you want to present a strong point of view, make sure to discuss the point of view that you support in the second body paragraph so that you will be sure to be able to drive your point home in the personal opinion paragraph.

By the way, it appears that you forgot to include your personal point of view in the essay. I only see a discussion of the 2 opinions Did you mistakenly incorporate your point of view into the public information presentation paragraphs? I believe that you did.

Also, when you discuss the arguments, do not present counter arguments. Like I said above, you can't really present a completely believable justification of your counter argument. You could however, use the counter argument as a part of your personal opinion discussion.

Your concluding summary does not really inform the reader in a reminder form of what was previously discussed, making it less effective than it should be. aim for a proper summary of the discussion within 3-5 sentences (standard number of sentences).

Scholarship / Why the awards panel should consider them for a Scholarship? LGBTQ SCHOLARSHIP [5]

This response feels rushed to me. It also does not sound very believable in some parts as it seems like you are just telling the reviewer what he wants to hear but you don't really believe in what you are saying. If you want to win this scholarship, then your response should focus on the your work in the LGBTQ community in relation to your own academics. How do you do this? If you revise your response to better build upon the latter part that indicates ; " I am a member of a non-governmental community dealing with Bisexual and Transgender Pride program..." then continue your discussion to showcase how you hope to continue promoting the values and ideals of this organization as a student at the university, that should help you provide more solid reasons for your consideration as a scholar.

By the way, we have a one essay per thread policy at this forum. That is why your other questions were deleted. If you post those as individual essay threads, I will be more than glad to assist you in the review of your responses to those questions as well.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1- usage of three spreads, including margarine, low fat & reduced spread and butter [4]

imchang, I know that there are several examples of task 1 essays on the web that separate the summary overview into single sentence, separate presentations. Do not follow those examples. Your C&C score will be higher when you combine those sentences into one interconnected paragraph presentation of 3-5 sentences instead. A complete paragraph is counted as having 3-5 sentences within it. You actually have good individual summaries presented here. When combined, you will definitely get a very good TA and C&C score.

You are missing one important comparison detail in this essay. Examine the graph once again and you will see that there are overlapping points and areas where the information just touch upon each other in the same value. You should have reported those as the comparison points of the essay. These 2 comparison points would have pushed your TA, C&C, and GRA scores even higher than it would be scored at the moment.

This is basically just a 3 paragraph essay when considering that you separated the summary paragraph intro 3 presentations. So that is a major problem for this essay as it dragged down your TA and GRA score. Based on my observations, I believe your essay could get a score of 4.5 at the most.

Writing Feedback / GAP YEAR BETWEEN HIGHSCHOOL AND COLLEGE. Is it a good decision? [2]

Viet, I did not even get past reading your opening paraphrase when I immediately spotted a prompt deviation error in your writing. You have totally changed the single opinion agree or disagree essay into an advantage and disadvantage essay. Which means you have automatically failed in the TA section of the score because your response is not in compliance with the prompt instructions. Let me show you the specific error that you made:

Original Thesis: To what extent do you agree or disagree
Your Thesis: from my perspective, this route serves its both advantages and disadvantages.

Do you clearly see where you made the mistake? Do you understand why your response can not be considered for a passing score? Exactly. The prompt was asking you to discuss one thing and you chose to totally ignore the instruction, creating your own discussion topic instead. Based on this failure, I do not even need to read the rest of the essay because you will not get a passing mark since you proved that you either cannot understand English instructions or you chose to simply ignore the instructions you were given.

It seems that you have a major problem with English comprehension skills. Reading the sample essays here and learning how to properly respond to them by example should be able to help better understand the different instructions for these opinion essays.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: Table showing the television viewing figures for tennis, golf, motor racing and athletics [3]

Hello Hang. Give yourself a pat on the back for a very good first effort with writing the task 1 essay. You were able to follow the instructions in the book to a greater extent than most. This resulted in an essay that truly came close to meeting the mark in all required aspects of the discussion instruction. With that said, you do have a few missed points in the format/instructions that you should address in the next essay.

Your work in the summary overview was very good. You managed to cover most of the points required for the summary except the measurement type used and the trending sentence at the end. Now, as for the trending sentence, you can actually place that anywhere in the essay paragraphs. However, it functions best as the final sentence in the account overview as the trend is the greatest indicator of the type of discussion that will be following.

Please remember that the term "because" is a connecting word and as such, cannot be used at the start of a sentence. It can only be used in the middle of an existing sentence to help connect 2 ideas that somehow relate in reasoning or presentation for a given topic. For example, you can say;

"I like orange juice because of its refreshing flavor."

You cannot say;

"I like orange juice. Because of its refreshing flavor."

In these samples, you see how the topic of you liking orange juice needs a reason, which is the refreshing flavor, thus the 2 thoughts should be connected in one sentence.

Since this is a task 1 essay, it is mostly a paraphrasing of an original report in an analytical format. Therefore, a conclusion is not required. You merely need to accurately restate the given information instead. Aim to write only 150 - 200 words for this essay so you an have some time left over for editing and revisions to the content and spelling corrections if required.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of families who owned and rented an accommodation in two countries [3]

Susmita, in order to create a more coherent and cohesive summary statement, do not create stand alone sentences and call these paragraphs. A complete paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences that contain:

1. The illustration description
2. reason for the illustration
3. illustration information
4. measurement type used
5. Trending sentence

When you combine these 5 sentences, you accurately complete the prompt overview requirements and also stand to gain a higher score in the TA and C&C scoring considerations. The above format clearly indicates a coherence (connected sentence topics) and cohesiveness (overall importance in the paragraph discussion), which is the aim of the first paragraph in the task 1 essay.

This is one essay that had specific measurements indicated in the graphs. It would have been better for your analytical presentation if you always used the measurement digits and years indicated throughout the essay when discussing the main features. Not doing so tends to create a less informed and confusing report.

You neglected to do a comparison discussion for the figures given in 1971. This was a period of time when both rental and owned homes had the same level of participants / households. That is where the "make comparisons" where relevant instruction came in and you did not recognize that discussion in your essay. That is a very small but important detail that could have helped to boost your TA score even higher.

You did a good presentation of the obvious figures, but did not do a good job with the comparisons. I suggest that you always be on the lookout for comparison points in your future essays as these small details can help to increase your score overall.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Line Graph: Customer Number Comparison from various restaurants [3]

Chang, though you wrote more than 150 words in this essay, the coherence is lacking, the comparison points were incomplete, and your overall presentation is improper. That is why this essay is a good first attempt, but you should be showing improvement with your next analysis essay based upon the instructions I will be providing you here.

First of all, the C&C section of the score requires you to present completely developed paragraphs that illustrate given points in the essay. For the first paragraph, you successfully provided the type of chart and the restaurants involved. However, you failed to create a complete paragraph in this presentation as you only have 2 sentences in a paragraph that requires a minimum of 3 sentences. The trending statement should not be a stand alone paragraph. It is most effective when combined into the first paragraph presentation as part of a full information listing of the upcoming discussion.

The Task 1 essay also requires a 4 paragraph presentation. That means each diner should have been reviewed separate from one another and your analysis per paragraph should have covered the day period of client measurements. Basically, your comparison paragraph is incomplete, lacks information and comparisons, and feels rushed in composition.

While you made an acceptable effort to create a good Task 1 essay, you failed to deliver on many technical aspects of the essay upon which you will be scored. So this first effort only showcased the weaknesses of your writing skills. Hopefully I can guide you towards improving those problem areas in the upcoming practice tests you will be doing.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS]Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. Advantage or disadvantage essay. [4]

SG, welcome back to EF. I am both happy to review your work and sad to give you my assessment of it. Unfortunately, your grammar has not greatly improved at this point. Your vocabulary is often wrong and your sentence structure and grammar really tends to confuse the reader. Most specially in the opening paraphrase. You need to be specific in your response to the question. Do not be flowery in your response. This is a simple positive or negative response question which should have been written as:

People these days tend to use their money mostly for purchases rather than setting it aside for future use. Some of the reasons that cause this are the desire of people to own things immediately rather than spending only on necessary items and a lack of future thinking with regards to their possible future financial needs. Considering the aforementioned reasons, this sense of spending rather than saving can be viewed as a negative development.

This is a direct question essay and requires an immediate response after the paraphrasing of the topic.

You need to work on the clarity and preciseness of your grammar. You have some questionable sentences due to coherence problems in your sentence structures in this essay such as :

... dangerous to the future. - Whose future?
-... dangerous to their future

... insecure a person's financial situation
- ... does not secure...

The debts usually at a high rate of interest.
- Their debts have a high interest rate

... or waiting tables.
- ... waiters

...inflated rate raises.
-highly redundant. You hare using 2 terms to describe the same thing.
- inflation rate

...can now help that family
- ...can help the family in the future.
- The situation has yet to occur in the future.

...lack of the mentality of saving money
-... lack of financial responsibility with regards to savings

Overspending money
- Redundant
- Overspending...

...secures people unease feelings
-... uneasy feelings...

Here is a my assessment of your possible score:

TA - 6

C&C - 5

LR - 4

GRA - 5

Hopefully I can work with you to help you improve your skills in the problematic areas of your writing now that you are back to practicing with us here at the forum.

Letters / Leipzig University is the best place to satisfy my professional aim & aspirations [2]

Shuvro, this is an extremely long essay that combines 3 essays into one; personal statement, statement of purpose, and motivational statement. You only need the motivational part that comes with paragraphs 5,6, and 7. You can begin the revision of your content, in terms of creating a proper motivational letter by taking the content of those 3 paragraphs and then extending it to center on your motivations for your enrolling in the course, your choice of university, and your choice of country, in that order.

You have all the information required to complete the motivational letter writing process in those 3 paragraphs so it should not be hard for you to do. Should you feel that you cannot complete the revision on your own and that you require the help of a professional, don't hesitate to seek out professional services as offered in the SERVICES link above. We will be more than happy to help you fix this paper privately then.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 LINE GRAPH AND BAR CHART : WATER CONSUMPTION - globally from 1900 to 2000 [2]

Viet, your opening summary / overview is not properly presented. There are a few bits of missing information in the presentation that led to the incomplete summary presentation. You need to be clear about 2 measurements presented and the types of measurements used. This improper presentation made your TA section confusing and uninformative for the reader. So you could lose major points for that mistake. The proper presentation is as follows:

A line graph and chart table have been presented for comparison purposes covering a decade on decade growth from the year 1900 to 2000 in relation to the water consumption of 3 nations and industries. The nations for comparison are Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo. The line graph measured the global water use of agricultural, industrial, and domestic sectors. The chart considers the water use of the population per country in the millions based on irrigated land use per square kilometer (km2) and the usage per cubic meter (m3) of water by individuals. The overall trend for the line graph is a growth in global water use leading into the year 200 while the chart showed that Brazil had the most water consumed in terms of population, irrigated land and water consumption per person.

The complexity of the measurements presented required a full 5 sentence summary analysis. If you compare what I wrote to what you created, you will see the reasons why your summary is incomplete and will not properly inform the reader.

Your comparison analysis per paragraph is also ill informed as you try to complete your presentation in only 2 sentences per paragraph. You need to fully explain the data within 3-5 sentences for the sake of clarity, cohesion, and cohesiveness. Do not jus throw in the information for the sake of throwing it in. You need to make sure the information is accurate and understandable by any reader.

Try to remember that writing more than the required words, but not meeting the considerations for task accuracy will result in a lower score. Your vocabulary is useless if you cannot prove that you understood the information in the given graph and table if you cannot properly explain the content to the reader. Consider for example, that not everyone will know what the measurement indicators mean. An accurate report would use the full terms first to introduce it to the reader, and then use the short cut references after.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Are fixed punishments necessary? Without considering different circumstances ? [6]

Mu. what is happening to you? It seems to me that you have either forgotten all of the lessons I have been trying to teach you or, you chose to disregard my instructions for some reason. Your current essay has all of the old mistakes that I had already corrected in your work before. This is the trademark sign of a student who is listening to more than one person regarding the method by which these essays should be written. You have to be honest with me here and inform me if you have a private tutor or are attending tutorial classes already. I do not wish to contradict the education of your paid professional as that will end up confusing you and will result in your producing an essay such as the one above which to me is faulty to a great extent, but is perhaps correct in the eyes of your tutor. You cannot have 2 people teaching you how to write this as it will only serve to further confuse you. Please, let me know if I should stop advising you because of the existence of a tutor or your enrollment in formal classes. Thanks.

For now, I will tell you this. As far as I am concerned, this essay is faulty from the very beginning as you treated this as a direct question essay rather than the comparative essay with personal opinion method. The latter method requiring you to discuss both public points of view before you present your own opinion. From the opening paragraph alone, one can already see the prompt deviation when you failed to indicate a representation of the 2 points of view discussion before your personal statement as part of the thesis presentation. You indicated instead that you would be discussing your personal opinion alone in the essay.

So your essay will be tangential in response and as such, may not score very well based on the remaining 3 criteria since you have C&C, LR, and GRA problems in the presentation. I am held back from further advising you as I do not know if I should still continue to guide you based upon what I perceive to be repeated mistakes in this essay that I previously corrected. If you already have someone else helping you professionally, then I will withdraw my advice from this point on so as not to confuse you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: animal experiments should be conducted or not ? [3]

Mguyen, rather than using the term controversy, you should the term "debate" since the keyword in the prompt is "argue". The topic is already known to be controversial but that is not the point of the discussion. The topic centers on the "argument" regarding the use of animals in experiments. Therefore, the appropriate words to use would be either debate or argument.

In order to create a more coherent and cohesive paragraph, avoid counting out the reasons in a single paragraph. Instead, just offer a continuous discussion of the reasons since they are interconnected in terms of discussion. Counting the reasons out signify 2 separate discussions which then would need 2 separate paragraph presentations.

This essay has an effective public reasoning line of discussion for both points of view. That is the good part of your work. The bad part? You forgot that the prompt was asking you to discuss your personal point of view as well. Since that is missing from the discussion, you will only be scored on a partial basis rather than being given full points consideration. Remember to always double check the prompt before submission to make sure that you did not forget to discuss any important part of the essay such as your personal point of view or opinion.

Your opening and concluding paragraphs both suffer from a lack of required sentences. The requirement is between 3-5 sentences and both should be a paraphrase of the given discussion. For the opening paragraph, that is a representation of the original prompt. For the conclusion, it is a summary of the given discussion and a restatement of the thesis statement.

Writing Feedback / iELTS WRITING TASK 2: Topic: In cities, large shopping center and supermarket become more popular [3]

Bui, this is not a comparison essay but rather a single opinion essay discussion. A comparison essay indicates the instructions "Discuss both points of view" in its instruction sentence. In a single opinion essay, you are asked to choose one point of view based on the choice word "or" which means you have to pick one side and focus only on that discussion for the full essay. You cannot discuss both because you have to convince the reader that your opinion is the correct one, without offering comparison points. The clarity of your explanation will help to convince the reader.

Now, since you discussed both points of view in this essay, you will only get a partial score as you created a prompt deviation in the essay. You will be scored on the "negative" discussion alone because that is one where you indicated a belief in your thesis statement.

Your discussion of 2 topics in one paragraph did not allow you to fully develop your explanations and justifications for either topic in the paragraphs. This means that the examiner will read your essay and determine that your paragraphs are not completely developed which will affect your C&C score. It will also result in points deductions for the GRA section due to lack of transition sentences between topics and paragraphs. Simply counting "First, Second" does not qualify as a transition sentence. That can only be used to count off your paragraphs instead.

The conclusion needs to stop being a run-on sentence. Discuss the statement in 3 sentences instead in order to meet the paragraph / sentence requirements of the C&C scoring section.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that rich countries should help the poor countries by giving money directly. IELTS [3]

Ho, where in the phrase "some people think" did you get the understanding that the topic being presented "spark off a heat debate?" There is no debate indicated. Therefore, your exaggeration is unwarranted and shows a lack of proper English vocabulary understanding. When the term is "some people think", that indicates a discussion of an opinion, not a heated debate. By the way, the correct term is "has sparked off a heated debate." Do not exaggerate your discussion terms. When you become careless, and in an effort to show off your vocabulary rather than your proper understanding of how to use English terms, you might just find yourself starting a prompt deviation that could make you fail the test. Do not exaggerate. These essays are always opinion discussions or plain discussions never more than that.

Your approach to the direct question essay is proper, but you must never indicate "I think" when your opinion is being asked for. That is because this shows an uncertainty in your point of view. There should always be a point of view that you support more that can allow you say, "My opinion is..." rather than the tepid "I think..."

Your essay suffers from a series of run-on sentences per paragraph. This has affected the C&C presentation of your essay. It has become confusing to read and keep track of. Most specially since your English grammar is nowhere near perfect, which also confuses and stresses out the reader as we have to struggle to figure out what your point is or what you are trying to say.

Work a more proper concluding summary paragraph. Do not present new opinions in this section because it leaves the essay open ended rather than concluded.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2; is it better to participate in solo sports like tennis or swimming than a team sport? [3]

Nguyne, who are you arguing with? Why are you arguing? There is no indication of an argument anywhere in the original prompt. Neither is anyone debating with you so that you can argue a point of view. A Task 2 essay is always a discussion where you share an opinion, a point of view, or engage in a discussion. You never argue. Do not use the terms argue or debate in these essays as none of the essay ever require such fighting statements. These are considered exaggerations which could affect your TA score.

Your opening paragraph is a run on sentence. You need at least 3 sentences in order to properly represent a paraphrased discussion. You should also work on using a variation of terms that do not borrow directly from the original prompt. Here is a sample of how you could have approached this essay:

There are some people who believe that there are positive gains to be had from participating in group sports such as soccer. While others believe that individual sports such as badminton and golf provide more benefits. In this essay, I shall compare both points of view prior to offering my own insight on the topic.

In the first paragraph, you started the second sentence with the word "because" which is a connecting word. Thus is cannot be used to open a sentence. Rather than that term, you could have instead used a comma at the end of the first sentence so that you could have immediately gone into the connected sentence that supported the first sentence.

When you discussed the team sports, you should have done that as a separate, stand alone paragraph. Remember a completely developed, coherent and cohesive paragraph discusses only one topic per presentation where you use:

1. Topic sentence
2. Topic Supporting Reasoning 1
3. Topic Supporting Reasoning 2 (optional)
4. Topic Supporting Reasoning 3 (optional)
5. Supporting example

That is the format to be used for the 3 body paragraphs.

Both points of view should come from the public perspective as indicated in the original prompt. Neither can come from your point of view. Your point of view is the 3rd opinion for presentation in the essay. You made a mistake with your point of presentation when it came to this aspect in this particular essay.

Your concluding summary is a single run-on sentence when it should have been at least a 3 sentence summary of the discussion points presented in the essay. You could lose additional TA, C&C, GRA points with this mistake.

Writing Feedback / The inborn talents for music, art or sport? [3]

Mu, even though you wrote 301 words in this essay, I can see certain points where you struggled with your writing and did not have enough to say to create a coherent, cohesive, and well developed paragraph. This is highly evident in paragraphs one and two. Let's break this problem down per paragraph.

In the first paragraph, you did not properly paraphrase the prompt. You forgot that this is not a direct question essay but a comparison essay so the discussion does not start until the second paragraph. These paragraphs should have read as :

When it comes to talent in athletics and the arts, it is believed that certain people are born with skills to succeed in these fields. While there are those who become good and perform well in these areas through training and education. In this essay, I will assess both points of view and offer my own comment regarding these two beliefs.

There are children who are admittedly born with a natural talent and skills for certain activities such as sports and music. These natural talents do not have to work hard in these areas because they perform well even without formal training or long hours of practice. This is because they are believed to have been born with the skill naturally occurring within the child. Sometimes, this is attributed to the child taking after the specific skill of one parent either in sports or arts. While others just manifest the talent even without parental influence. Inexplicable as it is, these children are just born this way while others are not.

On the other hand, there are children who have a keen interest in sports and arts who do not have the natural talent but can be honed in the field through education and practice...

I believe that...

Never say "I myself" as that is a redundancy. I is a first person reference to yourself, which is the same indication for the word "myself." that is a GRA error.

You will have a problem with your TA scoring because in the end you indicated "I agree that", when you were not being asked to "agree or disagree" in the original prompt. That is a prompt deviation. Your summary should have merely repeated the discussion without giving an opinion. This essay did not need it so there was no need to give one. You totally forgot how to properly write a concluding summary in this instance. You ended up with a prompt deviation in the end.